Total Shuffled Pahkitew Island
by Fangren
Summary: [6TH IN THE SHUFFLED SERIES] Wawanakwa has sunk, but Chris McLean has found a replacement: a wild Cree island, full of secrets. He has chosen 14 new contestants to take part in a new season there, but they are not the ones you know: like those before them, they have been re-ordered in time and space. They have been...Shuffled. Season 6 AU; pairing and update info in first chapter.
1. Chapter 1 - So, Uh This Is My Team?

**Author's Note**

To those of you returning for the sixth and final season of the 'Total Shuffled' series, welcome back! And to those of you just tuning in for the first time, hello! I imagine most of you know this already, but _**this is the direct sequel to Total Shuffled All-Stars. HOWEVER, because this season introduces a new cast and the ties to previous seasons are minimal, reading the rest of the series is NOT REQUIRED.**_

As I stated before, this is the final season I have planned for this series. Though I may decide to continue on at some point in the future, particularly if more seasons of Total Drama or The Ridonculous Race come out, for the time being **please assume this is the beginning of the end for the Shuffled series.** It's sad, I know, but writing this takes a lot of time that I seriously need to start spending on getting my life in order - I've been out of school and unemployed for over three years; this needs to be fixed if I am to have any kind of a future for myself.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this series, here's how it works: Way, way back when Pahkitew Island was little more than silhouettes and storyboards, I came up with the idea for a new sort of Total Drama reboot where all the contestants (at the time) were randomly reassigned to different seasons. Twenty-two of them became the new cast for the first three seasons; another pair were given Alejandro and Sierra's canonical slots as newbies for World Tour; thirteen made up the second generation in season four, and the remaining 14 will debut today. While those who've been reading the previous seasons should already know who the cast is, I've decided that for the sake of making this season as friendly to new readers as possible I won't be naming them right now.

But safe to say that it's an interesting lot with a whole bunch of potential, more than I can probably get around to bringing out in thirteen episodes.

Regarding reviews, I must first apologize for not having replied to all of the ones posted for the All-Stars finale yet. I will do my best to keep working on answering those that I can over PM, so please bare with me. Also, as of today _**all Guest reviews for my stories will be moderated.**_ This is because earlier today somebody decided to take it upon themselves to spam TSAS with reviews of little substance; these were greatly unappreciated and clearly meant to be spam, and thus I have deleted them. For my regular readers without accounts, I will still do my best to get your reviews approved in a timely manner, but keep in mind that I can't be awake and attentive all the time so there will usually be a delay before guest reviews show up.

The pairings I plan on using for the story will remain a secret until they are revealed. All I'll say right now is that neither of the main two will be straight. Any hints or suggestions at straight ships will likely be meant either as humor, or as a necessity of the situation. If you don't like this, then too bad

The update schedule should be about the same as it has been since season two - expect a chapter every Friday, usually in the evening (EST) but rarely in the afternoon.

Last but certainly not least, **a TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

Enough of that for now. It's time to kick off the final season of the Total Shuffled series, so without further ado enjoy the show.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 1 – So, Uh This Is My Team?**

A short drumroll led into a deep and grandiose anthem as the scene opened on a broken and grassy slope. "Welcome, Total Drama fans!" began Chris McLean, the handsome and stubble-chinned host standing up in front of the camera close enough to only show his upper body. "Put on some clean undies~," he said with a mischievous, almost singsong tone, "cause things are about to get _wild_! Ye-he-he-heah-hah!" he laughed deviously.

"Fourteen spanking _fresh_ contestants, and a totally brand new location!" The familiar ticks of the series' capstone theme entered the background score as the camera began to rapidly zoom out. "A Cree island in western Canada!" The new island was shown in full: almost bowl-shaped, with several large, pine-covered hills curving up and outward to from high cliffs along most of the visible coastline, and a barren natural arch sticking out from the left side of the island. Only a small strip of beach was visible to the camera nestled between the rock formations jutting out along the coast, smaller along the shore but large enough further out to support grass or even trees. The sun was beating down from high above, and only a handful of clouds dotted the sky.

"As you might recall," Chris said as a bout of static transitioned the footage to a grainy film of Wawanakwa's final sink into the lake surrounding it, "during our Heroes vs Villains finale—" the clip was paused during the last mighty backsplash— " _someone_ , and I prefer to remain nameless," the host stood up smugly in front of the paused scene to motion to himself before ducking back down, " _accidentally_ destroyed our old island."

Another bout of static transitioned the scene to Chris walking to the left past a mossy, mushroom-ridden tree and a bed of blue flowers into a more open area. "So, _this_ is where we landed. No shacks," he said, the capstone theme beginning in earnest as the shot cut to what appeared to be some flattened hilltop. To the right was the path leading in, a solitary wooden gateway standing over it flanked by a pair of tiki torches. Just past the gate was a familiar oil drum podium, and past that an unlit firepit. Further back were a variety of stones, stumps, and logs arranged into two rows of seats, and along the back edge of the hilltop were three tall posts with bulbous lights stringed between them. A grassy pathway lined with tiki torches began in the front of the area, and curved down and around to the left along the hillside.

"No showers," the host continued over a shot of a roaring waterfall somewhere next to a wooded hill. "No hotels," he added as the camera moved to a cave in the side of some rocky cliff near a few small ponds in the woods. " _No_ hot tub," he finished over a a shot of another pool of water, this one set in a barren area with only a few scattered shrubs growing out of the rock. "The only things we managed to save," Chris said as the camera returned to him, "were the outhouse confessional," the shot cut to the outhouse, now set up at the edge of a clearing next to a rock and some trees, "and the horrific _butt_ smells that live inside it." The outhouse door slammed open, revealing the chubby east Asian male intern holding a plunger inside it. He gasped for air, the collapsed face first onto the ground.

"It'll be the _roughingest_ roughing it that's _ever_ been roughed on Total Drama," Chris said as the focus cut back to him once more. "So, buckle up. _This_ ," the camera cut backward to show more of the clearing, "is Total! Drama!" Another jump back showed the small rocky beach. "Paaaaahkitew _Island_!" The final jump outward showed Pahkitew Island once more in all its glory.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The sound of engines filled the air as the episode opened on a small zeppelin emerging from the clouds. An image of Chris in full aviator gear was plastered to the tail fin, and the scene soon cut inside to show a swaying conical lamp hanging in front of a grubby wall.

A pan down and slightly to the left showed two girls sitting on stools under a small window. The one on the right was thick and muscular, a white-skinned young woman with a mole on her cheek wearing a blue sleeveless shirt and slightly darker shorts. Her black hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, and her unibrow was perfectly level as her hazel eyes glared straight ahead. She was wearing earbuds, and the faint sound of heavy music was coming from them courtesy of the mp3 player in her lap. As she listened, she alternated reps with the small dumbbells she held in each hand.

The girl on the left was shorter, and her skin and features more reminiscent of someone from one of the First Nations. She was staring almost warily at the swaying light above them, dressed in a pale olive and purple sleeveless blouse of her as well as tight black pants. A necklace of purple beads and red feather earrings rounded out her ensemble, and she held a pack of gum in her hand.

She took a stick out of it, looked at the intimidating girl to her left, then turned the other way. "Want some gum?" she said in a light voice, offering the pack to the boy on her right.

He was a rather strange-looking boy, a short body and a thick neck that made him look almost log-shaped. His skin was a pallid white, his nose piggy, and his purple hair in a bowl cut. He wore what almost looked like a gray jumpsuit, and sat with his arms crossed and his eyes shut. He opened them just a moment to look at the girl's gum, and swiveled around to better face her. "Your offer of _simple confectionery_ will not save you from the _pure evil_ of _me_!" he replied in a haughty, nasally voice, his eyes turning red as he grinned darkly, raised his hands, and proclaimed his evil. Even the air above him seemed to turn dark, and a dramatic spike played in the background.

"But yes, thank you," he added, the light returning to normal and a pleasant tune playing as he sat straight up, plucked a stick of gum from the girl's pack, and tossed it into his mouth. She watched with a blank and silent stare as he rapidly chewed it, only to suddenly stop, cringe, and wheeze in pain. Clutching his chest with one hand, he coughed up the wad of gum into his hand and gave it a look of sheer hatred. "Cinnamon! There is no need for you to be that _spicy_!" he told it as the background music trilled ominously.

The shot cut to a more normal-looking boy, brown-skinned and black-haired. He wore a cyan vest over a pale yellow collared shirt, and laughed awkwardly. "That guy's a little _weird_ ," he said in a somewhat high and definitely nervous voice.

A hard punk theme started playing as another boy walked over to him, white-skinned and blue-eyed. He sported a green mohawk and a spiked dog collar, both his unibrow and his ears were pierced, and there was a skull on the black t-shirt he wore over a longer-sleeved pale yellow undershirt. "Hah! Yeah, talk about a major _dork_ , am I right?" he said in a harsh tone. He laughed again, then pulled out a pocket knife and started carving something into the side of the crates the first boy was sitting on. "Dude never woulda lasted a _day_ in juvie."

"Uh, I'll take your word for it?" the first boy said, warily looking away from the punk.

The camera pulled back as another girl walked past, her skin dark but more the brownish-orange color of a fake tan than anything natural. She sported large hoop earrings, bright blue eye liner, and thick magenta lipstick the same color as her midriff-baring tube top. Light teal capris and purple wedge sandals rounded out her outfit, but more noticeable was the can of hairspray she was busily applying to the pouf of her long brown hair. She left a thick cloud of spray in her wake, which sent both boys into coughing fits as she passed them by.

"Excuse me, could you do that somewhere else?" the brown-skinned boy asked, the punk simply glaring at the girl as she walked on obliviously. "Thank you!" he added despite her lack of reaction, the camera pulling back to show three more people that the hairspray girl was walking past.

First was another white boy, dressed in the olive green, cargo shorts, and combat boots of a soldier out of uniform. He was doing push-ups in the middles of the floor, his dog tags dangling around his neck and his unibrow furrowed in concentration. "Ninety-nine...one hundred!" he said in a tough, almost commanding voice as a military drumline played. He wiped the sweat from his brow as he sat up onto his knees, but in doing so put himself directly into a lingering cloud of hairspray. He gagged, choked, and collapsed with a thud onto his face with his butt sticking up in the air.

The cloud of hairspray dissipated as the camera zoomed in on the two girls who had been watching the soldier from another pair of stools along the wall. Both looked vaguely southeast Asian, though the one on the left was skinny and dark-skinned while the one on the right was fat and fair. The girls were dressed identically, in hot pink short-shorts and wedge sandals and lipstick, black-and-white striped shoulderless midriff-baring blouses, and dark hair in pigtails.

"Oh my gosh, is he okay?" the skinny one asked, clutching hands with the fat one. Both girls were looking towards the fallen soldier with concern.

"I hope so," the fat one said, her voice lighter. "That was _so_ unfair what happened to him."

"Do you think we should help him?" the skinny one asked in a low whisper, the camera cutting closer to the two girls' faces.

"Nah," the fat one replied with a shake of her head. "I wanna keep looking at his _butt_." Both girls launched into a flurry of giggling that was only stopped when a hiss, followed by another cloud of hairspray, came from off-screen.

"Umm, could you, like, _stop_ that?" the skinny one asked, both girls glaring indignantly to the left as the camera panned over to show the hairspray girl once again spraying her hair.

"Huh?" she said, finishing up and stowing the aerosol can inside her hair. "What, can't a girl do a little touch-up?" she asked in a thick Jersey accent, looking over the identically-dressed girls. "Though the two of you would need _way_ more than _that_..."

Before the other girls could reply, however, all three were distracted by a very large white boy running past, with a mop of blonde hair and a teal maple leaf on the chest of his white shirt. "AAAAAAHHH! I _hate_ flying!" he screamed in terror, the footage skipping ahead to him running up to what looked like the far right corner of the room. "Somebody get me _offa_ this thi-hi-hing!"

He continued to run around screaming with his arms in the air, visibly irritating the east Asian girl who was sitting on the crates in the corner. Tall and slender with long black hair nearly to her waist, she wore only olive short-shorts, a cropped dark pink halter top, and sandals. Her legs were crossed, and she was filing her nails. "Umm, excuse me," she asked in the demanding tone of one used to getting whatever she wanted, "could you take your little freak-out somewhere else? You're _bugging_ me."

"I'd love to but I'm _trapped_ in a _flying machine_!" the fat boy yelled, gripping his hair in panic before running around and screaming again.

The girl grunted in disgust, slid down off the crate, then stuck her leg out in the fat guy's path as he passed by again, causing him to trip and slam face-first into the ground in front of a door. She smirked devilishly as he groaned in pain.

"Hey, what was _that_ for?" came the annoyed voice of another girl, the camera panning slightly to the left to show a large black girl approaching. She bore a beauty mark on her cheek and large hoop earrings in her ears, her long hair was pulled back into a thick ponytail, and there were kumquats on her dark cream t-shirt. "The guy's _clearly_ just afraid of flyin'," she said, gesturing towards the fat boy's twitching legs, "no reason to make it _worse_ for him."

"Hmmph," the Asian girl said, sitting back down on her crate. "No reason for _him_ to make it worse for _us_ either," she retorted with a clever smirk.

"Oh, you think you're so _good_ , don'tcha?" the black girl replied accusingly. "You think you're hot stuff," she continued, the camera panning to the left away from the budding argument and on to two more boys.

The one on the right was a hulking white boy with red hair and freckles, wearing overalls over a plain white t-shirt. The one on the left was thinner, with light brown skin and spiky black hair that stood almost straight up. His outfit was a simple one as well, jeans and a teal shirt over a longer-sleeved cream undershirt. Both were looking in the direction of the girls, the spiky-haired boy looking anxious while the larger boy smiled.

"Wow, that girl has a really big _butt_ , huh?" the larger boy whispered in a deep voice to the spiky-haired boy, revealing the gap in his teeth.

"Uhh, yeah, I guess so," the spiky-haired boy replied uncertainly, also showing off a gap in his teeth.

The music suddenly turned dramatic, and lightning flashed outside earning a gasp from both boys. The scene moved back outside to show the zeppelin heading into some storm clouds, lightning flashing a few more times before the shot cut to the bridge. Chef Hatchet was there manning the wheel in his old pilot's uniform from season three, a nervous expression on his face. He grabbed the transmitter of the broadcasting system mounted over his head, and the shot cut to a loudspeaker as a red light next to it began to flash and buzz. "Hang on!" Chef announced. "This might get hairy!"

The ship began to shake, screws and panels and other parts raining down from the ceiling as the background music became ominous. The First Nations girl was shown gripping her seat tensely as the gray boy clung to his own with hand and knee; the cut next to the soldier, punk, and normal-looking boy standing and looking around nervously; then the hulking redhead watching the spiky-haired boy struggle to stay seated as the zeppelin shook; the fat boy screaming "We're all gonna _die_!" as the black girl and the Asian girl looked around in panic; and the two identically-dressed girls clinging to each other as they shrieked in fear, the hairspray girl futilely raising her hands to shield her hair from the bits of metal that were bouncing off it with almost comical dings.

Lightning seemed to flash inside the room itself, and with a dramatic riff Chris McLean appeared to the left near the door to the cockpit as if out of thin air. "Hello, _newbies_ ," he greeted. "Ready for some _fun_?"

The two identically-dressed girls darted over to him excitedly. "Ooh, yes!" the skinny one said.

"Totally!" The fat one added, and the two began a high-pitched squeal that took the host off-guard.

"Huh, a coupla keeners," he said, putting his fingers in his ears until they stopped. "I'm sure a little pain and starvation will fix that," he added as he walked off to the right.

He stopped by a doorway located between the gray boy and the normal-looking boy. "Let's get started," he said, the launching into a low theme of exposition. " _This_ aircraft stinks. And is equipped with two emergency exits," he raised a finger on each hand, " _here_ , and at the end of the cabin." He pointed first at the door behind him, and then towards the right. The camera quick-panned over to show the black girl and Asian girl still standing idly by the other door.

"At said exits," Chris continued as the shot returned to him, "you will find parachute packs," he knocked on the crate the normal-looking boy had been sitting on. "Only half of them contain _actual_ parachutes. The _other_ half contain surprises," the music rose up ominously, "that will be utterly useless while falling from the sky."

"Well," the First Nations girl spoke up, "hopefully we won't need them."

'Chris shrugged. "Who knows. This season is full of surprises. Like _this_!" With a wide smile he took out his remote control and pressed the button, and the camera cut to one of the engines outside as a small box attached to it blinked and beeped and exploded, destroying the engine.

Screams uttered forth from the zeppelin as it was shown going into a nose dive with smoke trailing from the blown engine, and the shot cut back inside to show the campers running and screaming around the cabin as tense challenge music began to play. A close-up showed one of the crates being opened by what looked like the hulking redhead, who along with the muscular girl grabbed a parachute pack out of it. Moments later, the gray boy, the spiky-haired boy, and the fat half of the identically-dressed girls followed suit. Then the muscular girl was shown calmly slipping on her pack, the gray boy ran past holding his and screaming, then the spiky-haired boy, thin half of the identically-dressed girls, and the punk all put theirs on as well.

The shot cut to the rear exit as the muscular girl roared "Move it!" and threw the gray boy out the open door while he was still buckling his pack, then jumped out herself. The normal-looking boy followed after, then the shot cut to the side exit as the First Nations girl ran screaming along the stools before diving out the other open door.

The soldier, a pack on his back and an extra in his hands, ran up to where Chris was still standing by the side exit. "While I do _not_ agree with your methods," he scolded the host, "I cannot leave a man behind in a crashing airship. Your parachute, sir," he said, holding the extra pack out to the smiling host.

"Oh, no thank you," Chris replied with a light wave of dismissal, "I'm actually a hologram."

"What?!" Chef exclaimed in shock as he ran over from the left. "Why ain't _I_ a hologram?" He poked a finger at Chris, then gasped as it went through his head causing the man's entire body to flicker like a grainy television image. "Abandon ship!" he yelled, gripping the sides of his head in panic. He ran straight through the host and grabbed the extra parachute pack from the soldier, then fell backward out the emergency exit. The soldier fired off a sharp salute to Chris before diving out as well.

The camera cut far below the diving zeppelin, looking up as several contestants fell screaming past – the hairspray girl, the Asian girl, the punk, the spiky-haired boy, the hulking redhead, the two identically-dressed girls, the soldiers, and even Chef.

Then the shot shifted, the camera now falling alongside the punk. "Oh man," he told himself as the two identically-dressed girls fell into view behind him clinging fearfully to each other, "this would be so _awesome_ if I didn't have a 50-50 chance of dying right now." The punk pulled the cord on his pack, deploying a parachute that quickly slowed him down out of the range of the camera. It quickly refocused on the two girls clinging to one another.

"Okay," the skinny one said, both girls' eyes clenched shut as they grabbed the cords on their packs, "three!"

"Two!" the fat one replied.

"One!" the skinny one said in rising panic.

"PULL!" they yelled together, pulling their cords. From the skinny girl's pack came a host of hot dogs, and from the fat girl's pack a collection of ribbons and bows in a variety of colors and styles.

"...hot dogs?" the skinny girl asked in confusion and disbelief, looking up at the hot dogs floating away from her while her partner squealed in delight and grabbed as many of the ribbons and bows as she could.

"Ooh, look what I got!" she told her friend.

"Hey, why do _you_ get to have the good stuff?" the skinny girl asked angrily, trying to pull some of the ribbons and bows out of the fat girl's hands.

"Because they were in _my_ pack," the fat girl replied indignantly, pulling the items back.

"We're about to _die_ , you should _share_!" the skinny girl retorted, pulling the mass back towards her.

The fat girl's anger dropped away and she blinked. "Oh, good point!" she said happily, allowing her friend to take some of the bows and ribbons from her.

Then they looked down blankly, screamed, and grabbed each other again letting the bows and ribbons fly away.

A quick-pan up put the focus on the fat boy, screaming even as he pulled his cord and deployed his parachute. The moment he stopped falling as quickly and turned upright he opened his eyes, looked around, and laughed. "Haha, hey, it's not so bad up here!" he said happily. "Sure could use some pizza though. No wait," he gasped in sudden realization, "chips and some _dip_!"

It was then that the hot dogs floated up to him, and he quickly grabbed one in each hand as they passed by. "Haha, or hot dogs, hot dogs are good too," he said before stuffing both sausages into his mouth at once.

The shot cut to the First Nations girl next, who opened her parachute and freed a pair of screeching cats. " _Purr_ -fect," she punned with wide, frightful eyes before the camera panned left onto the black girl.

"C'mon, don't be somethin' stupid!" she said before pulling her cord, revealing the parachute within. "Woo! Oh _yeah_ , baby!" she cheered, launching into an odd booty-thrusting, fist-pumping, leg-kicking mid-air dance that led her to accidentally kicking the normal-looking boy in the head as he fell past screaming.

"Oww...," he groaned, rubbing his face in pain. With another groan he pulled his cord, only for a flurry of feathers to fly out and up. "Yyyup. Feathers. I get it. Funny," he said resignedly.

He fell out of sight, and the camera moved onto the hairspray girl as she pulled her cord to reveal a parachute. "Hah!" she barked out joyfully, shaking a fist upwards and yelling "Oh yeah, take _that_ ya lousy mook!"

The shot moved to the spiky-haired boy next, who pulled his cord only for a teddy bear wearing a smaller, teddy bear-sized parachute to float out. "Oh, for the _love_ of-!" he exclaimed in extreme annoyance. "Of _all_ the-!"

Before he could continue, though, he suddenly inhaled sharply and his eyes briefly lost focus. As he let the breath out he closed one eye, curled his lips inward, put a hand on his lower back, then shook his right fist upwards. "Gosh darnit!" he exclaimed in a grumpier, elderly-sounding voice. "Back in _my_ day they'd at least give ya an _anvil_ to help ya fall faster!"

A pan to his right showed Chef, who pulled his cord only to release several steaks, cheese wedges, and chef's hats. "Oh, that's just _wrong_ ," he said with narrow-eyed annoyance.

The shot cut to the massive redhead next, who excitedly exclaimed "Alright!" upon opening the parachute in his pack.

Then came a cut to the muscular girl, who calmly pulled on her cord only to watch in shock as her pack opened to release a small flock of doves who promptly flew off. "Seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!" she roared, exploding in anger. "Yeah, you _better_ fly away if you know what's good for you!" she yelled after the birds.

Next was the Asian girl, who pulled her cord and released a parachute. "Hah! Yes! Looks like _I_ get to live to see another day," she said smugly.

The camera then panned to the soldier, who took a deep breath and grabbed his cord. "Alright cadet, remember your training," he told himself. He took another breath, pulled, and gaped in shock as a variety of colorfully patterned boxer shorts were released from the pack. He whimpered in sudden panic. " _Now_ what? Training didn't cover this!"

He fell past a parachute that was quickly revealed to be attached to the punk, who reached out and grabbed the soldier by the leg. "Hey, thanks!" the soldier said graciously.

The punk snorted. "Don't look too much into this, Soldier Boy, I'm as bad as they come." The camera panned to the right as the normal-looking boy fell crying down to their level, and the punk quickly grabbed him by the pack.

"Wh-what? I'm saved!" the boy said, opening his eyes and looking around with joy as the punk rolled his eyes.

The eyes of all three boys widened in shock as the spiky-haired 'old man', the two identically-dressed girls, and Chef all fell past the front of them.

"And _here_ they come now," Chris told the camera as it cut to him and he lowered the binoculars he was holding. The shot cut outward to show him standing on the beach, watching as the spiky-haired 'old man', the two identically-dressed girls, and Chef all fell screaming into various parts of the water around that part of the beach. He turned to the other side and the camera panned to follow, showing the soldier, punk, and normal-looking boy landing on the sand nearby.

Next to land was the fat boy, who giggled giddily as he touched down next to a large rock. "Biscuits and _gravy_ that was close," he said as a triumphant tune played, wiping his forehead and laughing some more. "Hey, did the rest of those hot dogs land yet?" he asked, looking around.

It was then that the hairspray girl slammed into him, knocking him to the ground face-first. "Whoops, sorry big guy," she apologized, taking out the can out of her pouf and giving her hair a quick spray. "I just didn't wanna risk landing somewhere hard, I mean look at me," she said, making a sweeping motion from her hair to her hips.

"I'm okay," the fat guy mumbled, raising a a thumbs up.

The tense challenge tune resumed as the shot cut to the First Nations girl scowling in determination as she fell alongside a tree, then slid off a branch and somersaulted back into the air. The shot cut to her landing in the water, and she quickly surfaced with a relieved "Woo!"

The camera panned back to the beach as the Asian girl and black girl landed next to each other and immediately exchanged a sharp glare before being distracted by the hulking redhead landing next to them, burying himself up to his knees in the sand due to the impact.

And lastly was the muscular girl without a parachute, who landed in front of the other two girls on the beach with her knees slightly bent and her arms raised to shield her head. She rolled as she hit the sand, kicking up a moderately-sized cloud but coming out of it on her hands and knees to the shock of all in sight. She grunted in annoyance as she stood up next to a gaping Chris, then brushed the sand off her body.

The host turned to the left as Chef walked up to him, with cuts on his neck and a chunk of his left cuff missing. "You could've at least given _me_ one of the parachutes," he angrily told Chris.

"Shoulda, coulda, _oops_! Didn't," Chris replied impishly. " _But_ , you're right, and I forgive you," he added to his assistant's mild annoyance. "Let's see...," the host said, turning back to the right and rubbing his stubble. He started mumbling numbers under his breath, pointing around the beach and then to a clipboard in his hand. "Huh," he said, "only one missing. Not so bad!"

/

The shot cut to a parachute tangled in the branch of a tree, the camera slowly zooming out to reveal the gray boy hanging from it. "If you do not release me, tree," he threatened as he pulled on the strings of his parachute, "you will be burnt to the-" he suddenly started falling- "GROOOUUUND!"

He landed with a thud and a cloud of dust.

/

The scene flashed to the blazing sun, Chris saying "Welcome to Pahkitew Island!" as the camera panned back down to the beach. The cast was now lined up, the campers divided into two groups with Chris and Chef standing in the middle. "On the right, everyone who had actual parachutes," the host continued, motioning to the line of teens to the camera's right.

At the far right was the hairspray girl, the punk right next to her. "Anne Maria, Duncan," the host listed off, each smiling as their name was called. "Rodney, Owen," he continued as the camera panned left and up onto the hulking redhead and the fat boy, "Max," the shot panned back down as it headed leftward onto the gray boy, "Leshawna, and _Heather_." Last in line were the black girl and the east Asian girls, who were currently glaring at each other.

"Uhh, excuse me," Leshawna spoke up, "but do I _seriously_ gotta be on the same team as this uptight spoiled little Daddy's girl?" she asked, gesturing to Heather.

The Queen Bee scowled at her, then closed her eyes and took a breath. "Sorry," she told The Sista With 'Tude, extending a hand and smiling almost sweetly. "I think we got off to the wrong foot on the blimp."

"Zeppelin," Chris corrected.

"Whatever," Heather said, briefly shooting a glare at the host before turning a smile back to Leshawna. "The point is, I'm sorry about the way I've been acting. How about we start fresh?"

Leshawna narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "You for real?"

" _Totally_ ," Heather replied.

"...okay then," Leshawna said with a small smile of her own, shaking the other girl's hand.

xxx

" _Hah_!" Heather barked out a laugh in the first confessional of the season, the outhouse's interior the same as it had always been – grimy, with a few signs of the damage it had been dealt over the seasons. "As if. The only reason I'm gonna try to be _nice_ to these losers is because villains pretty much _never_ win this show. I'm not _serious_ about it, not like _they_ need to know."

xxx

"Yeah, that girl is _so_ tryin' to play us," Leshawna told the outhouse camera, her arms crossed and her eyes glaring. She snorted and looked to the side. "But hey, _I_ ain't gonna be the one to start trouble. _She_ can do that herself."

xxx

"Your team will be," Chris read from a note card, "the...Pimâpotew Kinosewak," he pronounced awkwardly. "Which is Cree for 'Soaring Eagles'!" As he announced the name's meaning, a circular logo spun towards the screen against an orange and gold starburst pattern, stopping with a light gong. The disc was colored a light purple and bore the image of a bald eagle with its wings outstretched.

"Umm, no, sorry, wrong," the First Nations girl interrupted, prompting the camera to cut to her on the other side of the host. "That means the 'Floating Salmon'."

"Oh...," Chris said, looking back at his notes. He laughed. "Then I guess you're the Floating Salmon," he told the first team, a dull and disappointed tune playing as the shot returned to their initial logo, which was slammed out of the way by a similar disc. This was one colored green, and bore the image of a flopping salmon that was looking right at the camera.

"Those without chutes," the host continued, looking at his card again as he addressed the second team. "Katie, Sadie," he said as the shot cut to the two identically-dressed girls at the far left, with the skinnier one on the end. Next to them was the no-longer-elderly spiky-haired boy, and the camera panned rightward to focus on him as well as the normal-looking boy. "Mike, Dave," the host called off, both perking up at the sound of their names then glancing at one another. "Brick, Sky," the camera panned next to the solider who snapped off a salute, as well as the First Nations girl who merely smiled. "And _Eva_ ," he finished, the camera moving to the muscular girl on the end of the line.

"Your team is, the Waneyihtam Maskwak!" the shot cut outward as he fumbled the pronunciation of the second team's name. "Which in Cree means the 'Ferocious Ti'-"

"The 'Confused Bears'?" Sky corrected again.

Another circular logo spun towards the screen against the same orange and gold backdrop. It was colored a pale pink, and the picture on the front was of a rather appropriately confused bear, complete with a question mark by its head.

Chris tore apart his note card with an angry glare. "This is what you get for using a free online translator," he scolded Chef.

"My bad," the hulking man sniffed uncaringly before walking away.

"Anywho," Chris continued with his usual fake smile, "seeing as there's _no_ where for any of you to sleep tonight, we figured your _first_ challenge should be...to build your _own_ shelter!"

As he walked away the camera panned over to Team Maskwak, focusing in on Katie and Sadie in particular. "Oh my gosh, we have to build our own _shelter_?!" The Skinny BFFFL said. "So we're like, _camping_?"

"Oh yeah, you _totally_ didn't do so well when we went camping two years ago," The Fat BFFFL replied. "You ended up using poison ivy as toilet paper, and your butt was all itchy for like, _two hours_."

" _Sadie_!" Katie said, blushing furiously. She glanced to the side, and the camera panned over to show Mike watching with an eyebrow raised in confusion. "Don't forget that _you_ did that too!" Katie told her friend in a scolding tone as Mike cringed in disgust.

"Oh yeah, I remember," Sadie said, her expression becoming almost haunted. "I thought I was gonna _die_ because it itched so much. And then when we tried to soak our butts in water we _both_ got leeches in-"

A sharp whistle from off-screen cut her off. "Hey! TMI Twins!" Chris called out irritably, the camera quick-panning up and to the right to show the host standing high atop a large mountain of assorted trash and rubble. "Yeah! I was _talking_!" A light drumroll shifted the music into a typical expository theme as the camera zoomed out, revealing the full size of the junk pile as the fourteen campers walked over to it.

"Each team may take supplies from the common area before they begin to build," Chris continued. Shifting back into his usual demeanor and motioning to the rubble below his feet. " _But_ , these supplies are guarded by _Chef_." The shot cut to a close-up of the large man's smirking face. "Armed, with a _powerful_ tennis ball blaster." Zooming out, the camera revealed the large tripod-mounted gatling gun that Chef was standing at, a glass tank filled with tennis balls at the top of it. The entire set up was located at the top of a short rocky plateau.

The host jumped to the ground, landing next to Max, Owen, and Anne Maria of Team Kinosewak. "A glancing blow will sting," he said before the shot cut to Dave getting hit in the forehead with a tennis ball.

"Oww!" The 'Nice' Guy yelped, bending over and rubbing his forehead in pain. The camera panned to the right to show Sky gasping in concern, and Dave straightened up and looked away defiantly. "That...only hurt a little," he said.

Eva, standing between Dave and Sky, grunted and rolled her eyes.

"And a direct _hit_ ," Chris continued, "can take you right to the ground." The camera panned to the left as Max was shot in the hip, knocking him to the ground as Owen gasped. The Super-Villain landed awkwardly on his side, and whined nasally in pain. "Will someone please help that little boy to his feet?" Chris asked, a dramatic riff playing as the camera panned to the left and Rodney picked Max back up with one hand.

Max fell back to the ground as soon as The Country Boy let go, whimpering upon landing.

"Good enough," Chris said with an uncaring shrug. "On with the challenge!" The shot cut back a ways to show both teams watching him warily, their team logos briefly appearing above them. "Team Maskwak will build their shelter further inland," the host said, directing the campers' attention to the left. "Team Kinosewak, towards the beach," he added with a gesture to the right. "Best shelter, according to _me_ ," he added, motioning to himself in close-up, "wins the challenge." He took out his signature red airhorn and blew it. "Be- _gin_!"

A fast-paced challenge tune immediately began to play as Chef opened fire, his stream of tennis balls sweeping first towards Team Maskwak. The seven of them screamed, but Sky quickly took action. "Bears, follow me!" The Athlete said as she charged off to the left, motioning for her teammates to follow.

"Move, move, move!" Brick added, waving each of his teammates past under hail of tennis balls. Once they'd all passed, The Cadet ran after them with his arms shielding his head.

"Get _moving_ people, before we're the _Dead_ Salmons!" Heather commanded as the shot cut to her leading Team Kinosewak to the right, Rodney picking Max up off the ground as he ran.

/

The music cut out as the footage skipped to Team Kinosewak rising up from behind two large stumps at the edge of the woods.

"Listen up. We-" Rodney began to say.

"Okay, this is what-" Heather began to say.

Both behind the leftmost stump with Duncan, the two looked at one another.

"We should grab-" Rodney continued.

"We're gonna start-" Heather continued.

A few hollow, wooden beats played and the camera zoomed in on the pair of them.

"What do you think you're doing?" Rodney asked.

"Uhh, _hello_ , listen to me here!" Heather demanded.

xxx

"On the farm," Rodney explained, beginning to count off on his fingers, "it's just me, my Dad, and my five little brothers." He folded his arms and smiled proudly. "I'm kinda used to being in charge."

xxx

"Uggh, who does that _meathead_ think he is?" Heather complained to the outhouse camera. She huffed, and crossed her arms. "Great. Here I was hoping I'd only have to deal with _one_ nuisance who won't fall in line."

xxx

Heather took a breath, then smiled at Rodney. "Okay, how about we do it like _this_ ," she said sweetly. The shot cut to the farm boy's close-up, a sweet and lilting tune playing as the background turned pink and his expression turned doe-eyed. "We'll listen to _my_ plan first, then _your_ plan." The shot cut to a close-up of the Queen Bee, surrounded by a border of flowers and ribbon-holding cherubs as the light turned pink. "Then we'll vote on which one's better, got it?"

xxx

"We'll do it _her_ way," Rodney said dreamily, lounging on the toilet with his boots pressed up against the left wall and his back leaning against the right. "It's never wrong to let _love_ be your guide..."

xxx

"We grab the best and biggest wood first, then everything _else_ second," Heather said as Rodney stared at her dreamily. "What's _your_ idea?"

The sweet, lilting tune began to play again as Rodney replied. "My idea is... _flowers_...you _plan_ good...like not sunsets like _you_..." he mumbled dreamily as Heather scrunched up her face in confusion and disbelief, while Duncan and Owen gave the boy strange looks from the sides of the shot. Rodney puckered up as if to kiss Heather, causing her to recoil in sudden alarm.

/

The music shifted back into something intense and dramatic as the shot cut to Team Maskwak taking cover from the continuous volley of tennis balls behind some large rocks. Katie, Sadie, Mike, and Eva were shown crouching behind one formation with varying levels of fright, then the camera panned right onto Brick, Sky, and Dave.

"One pass each," Sky said, looking to her right at the others. "Grab something good and make your way to-"

" _Yeah_!" Dave interrupted, raising his arms enthusiastically to Brick and Sky's confusion. "She's totally right, good call. I...have some dirt on my hands," he said, looking at his hands with mild panic before waving them with attempted nonchalance, "but no big deal! Let's...do what she says!"

"Affirmative!" Brick replied, snapping off a salute before Sky could respond.

/

"Alright, so since Rodney didn't really have a plan," Heather said as the scene cut back to the Salmons, "we'll just have to go with _my_ idea. So...everybody go get some wood," she commanded, pointing out towards the junk pile.

Duncan scoffed. "Uhh, sorry Sweet Cheeks but I don't take orders from you," The Delinquent said. "I don't take orders from _any_ body."

"Ex _cuse_ me?" Heather countered. "This team needs _leadership_ if we wanna win!"

"Maybe for the _building_ part," Duncan countered, "but this is just dash and grab. It's easy as pie!"

Owen giggled as the camera panned to the right, but it was Anne Maria who spoke up next. "Yeah, I gotta agree with the mohawk," The Jersey Girl said. "I don't see why we gotta listen to you right now. Besides, I ain't goin' out there with all these _balls_ flyin' around," she said, ducking as another tennis ball sailed over her hair. "What if I get hit?"

Heather groaned in annoyance, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Would somebody _please_ go out and get some wood already?" she asked her team.

"Fine...," Leshawna relented, standing up and walking out from cover.

Heather smiled slyly, then noticed Rodney still staring at her dreamily. She gave him an odd look, then said "Rodney...would you mind going out with Leshawna to get some wood for me?"

"Perfect is you heart of all that is tree..." he mumbled as he stood up and walked back out to the left as well. Once he passed by Heather, an almost ominous tune played as a devilish grin formed on her face.

/

The challenge music resumed as the shot cut to a close-up of Eva's feet as she ran along the ground, tennis balls falling around her. The camera zoomed out to show The Iron Woman charging forward with her arms raised in front of her like a shield, the tennis balls bouncing off them without apparent effect. She took a step off a small boulder, and the angle shifted to show her somersaulting against the sun before she landed next to the junk pile.

She grabbed a large steel door lying on the edge, hoisted it onto her back with a grunt, and ran back to the left with the balls bouncing off it harmlessly.

"Wow! Go _Eva_!" Sky cheered excitedly as the shot cut back to the other Bears still behind cover, all looking impressed.

xxx

"Yeah, I've been lifting weights since I was eight and doing stunt work in action movies since I was _twelve_ ," Eva confessed gruffly. "Apparently I'm a natural at it or something."

xxx

"Yo big guy!" Leshawna said as the static cut away to her standing next to a wheelbarrow holding up a plank to shield herself from the stream of tennis balls being fired at her. "Let's make our lives easier and use the wheelbarrow, okay?"

"Fine with me!" Rodney replied as he ran in from the left with an armful of wooden planks and beams. He dumped them into the wheelbarrow, then lifted its handles and ran forward scooping up Leshawna along the way.

The shot cut back to the remaining five members of Team Kinosewak. "Okay, which one of you tough guys is up to going next?" Heather asked with sly looks to Duncan, Owen, and Max.

"Ooh, I'll go!" The Positive Guy volunteered, raising his hand enthusiastically before running out into the common area with a giggle.

And then a cry of "Oww! Oww! Oww!" from off-screen as Owen's massive frame was struck by tennis balls.

xxx

"Those tennis balls hurt way more than I thought they would," Owen confessed, covered in tennis ball-shaped bruises. "I thought my _fat_ would act as a cushion!" he added, grabbing some of his stomach fat and shaking it a bit.

xxx

"Okay," Dave said as the focus moved to him hiding behind the rocks alone, "gotta say I'm pretty impressed by the really scary strong girl."

"Yeah, me too," Mike said as he crept over. "Say, uh, if any of you guys happen to find a fedora in the pile," he asked, the camera pulling back to show the rest of his teammates as he looked around at them, "you mind grabbing it for me?"

Dave gave The Introspective a strange look. "Uhh...how is a _hat_ gonna help us with _anything_?" he asked.

Mike rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "It, uh, it'll...help me get in the right frame of mind?" he replied with a sheepish smile and laugh that only seemed to confuse Dave.

/

The shot cut to the rocky plateau as a sharp riff played and a shower of sparks exploded out of the side of Chef's tennis ball turret. "Aww man, stupid piece of junk," Chef muttered in annoyance as Chris looked on. "Chris, man, where'd you even get this thing anyway?"

"The usual place," the host answered with a shrug.

"Pfft, you gotta stop buyin' stuff from _garage sales_ ," Chef said, turning his attention back to the turret.

"Hey, it worked just fine until _you_ started using it," Chris countered as his assistant jostled the gun.

"Yeah, for the first time since _you_ bought it," Chef replied.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he said before turning a smile to the camera. "Building supplies are _being_ collected," he said as the capstone theme started playing. "Team Kinosewak is doing a very _wood_ job! But Team Maskwak keeps coming back for _door_. You don't wanna miss any of this here, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

A loud, sharp note resumed the episode, Chris popping up in front of the camera with a hearty "We're back! The players are moving," the music shifted into something electronic and almost awestruck, "Chef is shooting, pick your favorite team and start a-rooting!"

The camera pulled back to reveal him and Chef still standing on the rocky plateau. "You _are_ shooting, right?" the host whispered, shielding his mouth with a hand and leaning towards his assistant.

"Hold on just a minute," Chef said gruffly as he shook the gatling gun vigorously. He then slapped the side of it causing it to fire off a single tennis ball. "Yup, I'm firin' again," he said with a dark smile.

/

The shot cut back to the base of the junk pile as Duncan, a coil of rope hanging from his shoulder, picked up a plank of wood. He looked up just as the music spiked dramatically, and with a gasped "Whoa!" he jumped away from the round of tennis balls shot his way. "Hah! It'll take a lot more than _that_ to keep _me_ down!" he laughed as he ran back off to the right.

Mike then entered the scene from the left, immediately looking wary as he dodged and danced around the next stream of tennis balls. "Okay, _maybe_ I picked a bad time to come out here," he said nervously. "No big deal, just gotta grab something good and go back," he continued as he quickly looked around. "I can _do_ this...," he said before another round of tennis balls shot past him, causing to yelp and try to dodge them, his breathing becoming heavier and heavier by the second.

It ended with one sharp inhalation, his eyes losing focus before abruptly snapping back forward with a somewhat different-looking irises. "No!" he declared in a fairly good Russian accent, his voice taking on a feminine aspect to accompany what almost looked like fuller lips and longer eyelashes. "Only _vone_ person can do dis," he declared, raising his arms high, easily dodging the next round of balls, and kicking a large board into the air as a heroic tune played. "Svetlana, ze Olympic _Queen_ of gymnastics!" She spun around, then leaped gracefully into the air as the board she'd kicked up landed on an angle atop a barrel.

xxx

Mike opened the confessional with a deep sigh. "Okay, I admit it," he told the camera, "I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. It, er, used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder until awhile ago," he added bashfully, hanging his head. "I came on the show to prove that I can still live my _own_ life with the disorder, but the truth is I can't really control all my alters. I really don't know how I'm gonna tell my teammates..."

xxx

The heroic tune resumed itself as the scene cut back to The Russian Gymnast leaping with a mid-air somersault onto the pile, landing in a handstand on top of a fancy red-and-gold couch. "Dah!" she exclaimed, launching herself into another mid-air spin, landing hard on the couch and causing it – and several pieces of sheet metal – to slide off the pile and land on the low end of the makeshift seesaw below. "Ha- _hah_!" she added, backflipping off the couch and landing on the raised end of the seesaw, launching the couch and the metal into the air.

It landed next to the remaining members of Team Maskwak, who had come out from behind their cover. "That was _amazing_!" Brick exclaimed in delight.

"Yeah!" Katie and Sadie added together.

"H...how did you _do_ that?" Sky asked in shock as Svetlana landed in front of them with a proud, warbling cry.

"It was _easy_ ," Svetlana replied. " _Any_ Olympian like Svetlana could do it."

Dave raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Svetlana? I thought your name was Mike?"

The alter sniffed haughtily and crossed her arms. "Svetlana is Svetlana. Mike is Mike."

"What? That doesn't make any _sense_!" Dave exclaimed.

"It doesn't matter," Sky interjected with an annoyed huff. "You guys carry that stuff out of the way, _I'm_ going next," she said.

"You heard her, Svetlana," Brick said as he rushed over to the gymnast, who was still standing next to the things she'd acquired.

With a bored look Svetlana yawned, then inhaled sharply and shifted back into Mike. "Uh, what's...going on?" Mike asked, looking around in confusion as Brick grabbed some of the sheet metal lying around.

"Weren't you listening?" the cadet replied with a confused look of his own. "Sky asked us to move this stuff out of the way."

Mike stiffened. "O-oh, right," he said nervously before grabbing the rest of the sheet metal and running off with Brick.

As they passed Sky, the camera zoomed in on the suspicious look she was giving Mike. She quickly took a deep breath, however, and tense challenge music started playing as she ran off to the right. She easily rolled through the stream of tennis ball shot her way without getting hit, then sprung up onto the pile. She quickly fished what looked like a tool box of some sort out of it, then flipped onto a large piece of wooden fencing just as another round of balls flew her way. She rode the fence down the pile like a surfboard, sliding all the way back to her team with the toolbox still in hand.

"How was _that_?" she asked with a competitive smirk.

"That was _awesome_!" Dave exclaimed while Eva grunted in approval.

/

The footage flashed ahead to Katie and Sadie frantically searching through the junk pile. "Oh my gosh, Sadie, this is _so_ gross," the thin one said.

" _So_ gross," the fat one repeated. "But hey, maybe there's something cute buried under all this crud!" she added hopefully.

Katie suddenly gasped. "There totally _is_ , look!" she said, pulling out a bucket of what looked like pink glitter.

"Oh my gosh, that's so great!" Sadie said, and the two let loose a high-pitched squeal of delight.

Then they were both hit in the head with tennis balls, Sadie first and then Katie. Both girls fell over with odd, stunned looks on their faces, and the glitter spilled out of their bucket.

The shot cut to Chris and Chef laughing raucously and sharing a high-five.

Another cut showed Anne Maria standing impatiently at the edge of the pile as various small items were tossed out of it by some unseen person. "Okay, _why_ did I agree to do this again?" she said in annoyance, ducking under a brick tossed unwittingly at her and, unintentionally, a tennis ball coming from the other direction.

"Because a genius like _me_ can hardly be expected to come out here without a _minion_ to take hits for him," Max said, leaning out from the pile to give her a scathing look.

"Uh, who are you callin' a _minion_ , ya little pipsqueak?" Anne Maria replied angrily.

" _You_ of course," Max replied with a haughty sniff, "though you aren't doing a very good job of it. Now tell me, which of these items is more _e-vil_?" he asked, holding out a small tape recorder and a teddy bear.

"Evil?!" Anne Maria replied in annoyance. "Who cares about _evil_ , we're buildin' a shelter here!" Just then a tennis ball struck her in the back of her head, bouncing harmlessly off her hair with a metallic gong. She wheeled around furiously, then bent over and picked a brick up off the ground. "Hey! Watch the hair, bozo!" she yelled, throwing the brick up towards where the tennis ball had come from.

The shot cut to the brick bouncing off the edge of the rocky plateau that Chris and Chef were standing on. The two men shared a nervous look, then broke out into laughter again before Chef resumed firing.

/

A flash took the scene to Dave and Brick, once more hiding behind the cover Team Maskwak had chosen. "Alright soldier, it's time to make our move," Brick said decisively.

"Uhh, and that would be...?" Dave asked warily, gasping as Brick suddenly grabbed him by the wrist.

"To charge forward and counterattack!" the cadet replied, running forward pulling Dave along behind him.

The shot zoomed in on Dave as Brick suddenly stoppd. "Huh?" the germaphobe said in confusion as he continued running, before hearing the tennis ball gun firing. "Ah! Ahh! _Ahhh_!" he screamed, raising his arms in a futile defense as he was pelted with balls.

"Good job drawing Chef's fire, Dave," Brick said as the camera pulled back to show him running back up with a U-shaped piece of ductwork under his arm. "Now it's time for some _payback_!" the soldier declared, catching the next ball in the lower half of the duct, causing it to shoot back out of the top.

The camera move behind the ball as it flew back at a startled Chef Hatchet. The scene went black for a second as white starts and red stripes flashed across the screen, accompanying a sound like broken glass. Chef groaned in pain.

"Wowzers!" Chris said to a light tune as the camera's 'eyes' slowly blinked open, showing the smiling host standing overhead. "That guy's got some skills, huh?"

A few deep beats played as the shot returned to the central junk pile. Dave and Brick were searching the left end, Eva was looking through the top of it, Heather and Owen were sifting through the right end, and Leshawna was searching the bottom. Tennis balls littered the ground around them, but none were flying through the air.

Then the airhorn suddenly blew, promptly all of them to stop what they were doing and look up from the pile – including Rodney, who rose up from under a large tire near the top. "Iiiiiiiit's building time!" Chris announced from off-screen before the shot cut to him. "Are you comin'," he turned and asked someone below and behind him, "or do you only wanna get paid for half the episode?"

Chef sat up, his right eye purple and swollen. Chris laughed and walked off, a sharp note playing as his hulking assistant stood with a groan and followed after.

/

The scene flashed to Max walking towards the entrance of the large cave that had been seen in the island's introduction at the start of the episode. "I don't know _what_ those brutes were talking about," he said to himself. "As if an evil _genius_ like me would settle for less than the most _evil_ of lairs to do my bidding in. Ooh, like this one!" he added in delight upon coming to the cave's entrance.

He let loose a dramatically evil laugh, the camera zooming in at an angle as the music turned tense and the background turned dark.

Max abruptly flubbed the ending, the camera pulling back as he stared blankly in confusion. "Try that again," he told himself calmly before launching into another bout of evil laughter...only to mess up the ending again.

"It's _not_ important," he decided before running into the cave with a gleeful cry of "To my _lair_!"

He immediately ran out screaming, chased by a swarm of bats.

xxx

"It was very dark in there," he told the camera meekly, holding his head and looking down in fear. "I prefer something less spooky. Not to worry," he said, raising a finger in regained confidence, "no rush, I'll have _plenty_ of time to _e-vil_!"

xxx

"Where's Max?" Heather asked in aggravation as the scene moved to six members Team Kinosewak standing around by a large leafless tree, all the wood and other supplies they'd gathered lying between them. "How are we supposed to win the first challenge when we're already down a team member?" she added as the team's logo spun into view overhead.

"Pretty sure I saw the little gnome walk off into the woods," Duncan answered as the camera zoomed in. "I think he was going on about how ' _evil_ ' he is or whatever. More importantly, what are we even gonna build?"

Heather paused, then smiled. "That is a _good_ question," she told the punk to his confusion. "Does anybody know how to build a shelter?"

The shot cut to Owen, Rodney, and Anne Maria as the country boy hesitantly raised his hand. "Uhh, I know how to build a barn," he said.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Anne Maria spoke up, shaking her hands in objection, "I am _not_ sleepin' in no barn."

"Why not? Owen asked innocently. "I bet there'd be lots of room."

Anne Maria scoffed. "Yeah, for like _pigs_ and junk. I ain't sleepin' with no _animals_ , I'm a human _being_ ," she said in a vain tone, raising up a finger and moving her head from side to side.

"It wouldn't be a _real_ barn," Leshawna spoke up, the camera panning over to show her picking up a long wooden post from the pile they'd collected. "It would just look like one! And honestly, any shelter's as good as the next so let's just build a barn already."

"Good point," Heather said as the shot cut back to her at the base of the large tree. "Rodney, get us started," she told the large boy, who sighed dreamily and gave her a dopey grin. Owen and Anne Maria looked at him oddly.

/

Team Maskwak's logo spun into view as the shot flashed to them, standing in a large rocky clearing around the various objects they'd managed to take from the pile.

"So, uh, who got us the cool couch, anyway?" Mike asked as the shot zoomed in to him sitting down on the fancy-looking couch while Sky looked on.

"... _you_ did, remember?" she replied, giving the boy a strange look.

"Oh! Uh, yeah, haha," Mike said, laughing nervously, "right...guess I forgot in all the commotion," he said with an awkward smile that caused Sky to narrow her eyes.

A military drumline began, and Mike and Sky looked to the left as the camera pulled back and Brick marched over to the front of their pile. "Alright platoon," he said, "under my supervision we will build the _best_ military-styled base of operations available to us."

"Military?" Sadie repeated as the shot cut to her and Katie sharing a questioning look to the soldier's left.

"Hey, sounds good to me!" Mike said with a bright yet awkward smile.

"I don't know," Dave chimed as he walked up from the right. "What do you think, Sky?" he asked, the camera focusing in on the athlete as she raised an eyebrow.

"Uhh...well, I think I'd like a little more information on what exactly you mean," she told Brick, "but I'm fine building anything so long as we get started quickly."

Brick smiled. "Don't worry ma'am, I got the plans right up here," he told her, knocking his knuckles on the side of his head. "Any objections?" he asked, looking around at the others.

The shot cut to Katie and Sadie looking at each other and shrugging before Katie said "Me and Sadie think it's okay."

"Hey, if Sky's fine with it," Dave said as the shot moved to him next, "then _I'm_ fine with it."

"Eva?" Brick asked before the shot cut the the brawny girl walking up to their pile.

A few deep notes played as she lifted the heavy metal door out of it, then looked at Brick. "Just tell me where to put this already," she grunted with a hint of pride in her voice.

Brick smirked. "Right away," he told her.

/

The footage skipped ahead with a flash, showing a close-up of the edge of a wooden wall as it tilted upwards and away from the camera. The shot pulled back to show it being lifted from the outsde by Rodney and Owen, with the camera cutting to a large doorway to show Duncan pulling the wall forward from inside using a rope attached to the top. It slotted in against some support beams as the left wall of a small one-and-a-half-story barn built against the large tree they'd gathered around before; both the walls and the triangular roof were made of an ugly patchwork of various boards, planks, and sheets of metal, but despite the lack of a front door or coverings over the windows on the front and sides, it looked to be a stable shape. Leshawna was pounding nails into a large piece of plywood on the roof, but other than her and the boys none of the other Salmons were in sight.

"Alright guys," Rodney said as the shot zoomed in on him taking a hammer and some nails out of the pocket of his overalls, "you hold it steady while I get it secured. Leshawna," the camera followed his look upwards to show the girl in question looking down from the roof, "make sure the roof is nice and tight, okay?"

"I'll do what I can," Leshawna replied, "but it ain't easy building a roof with just one person."

The camera panned down to the front door as Heather and Anne Maria walked out of it. "Hey, we'd help you but our hands are tied making the inside _livable_."

"As _impossible_ as that sounds," Anne Maria chimed in. "Ain't our fault Max bailed on us."

"I bailed on _no one_ , you fool," came the voice of the evil in question, a sharp note being struck as the rest of Team Kinosewak turned their gazes to the left. The camera panned over to show Max walking up to them, stopping by Rodney with a haughty look on his face. "I was merely off conducting some _important business_ ," he said matter-of-factly. "Now what sort of living quarters have you _brutes_ constructed for me?" he asked, looking at their shelter with disdain.

"Good question," asked Chris as an oddly heroic theme played, the shot pulling back to show him descending to the far side of the barn on his jetpack. "It _looks_ nice, but putting it at ground level might not be such a great idea."

"Oh yeah, and why's that?" Max asked before the music turned ominous and the ground began to shake. The camera panned to the rest of his team, even Duncan back outside now as they all looked around with wide, nervous eyes. Leshawna fell from the roof with a short scream but was caught by Rodney, who gave her a dopey smile and received a strange look in return.

"Here comes your answer!" Chris told them with a hint of glee, the music rising as the seven teens caught sight of something and ran screaming to the left.

A large herd of moose came stampeding by, and the shot cut to Team Kinosewak watching fearfully from some bushes. "This island is a little more wild than our last one," Chris called out over the din of the stampede.

The herd soon passed, though, and the seven teens stood from their cover with fearful, wide-eyed looks towards their barn. The camera quick-panned over to show it apparently unharmed...before it suddenly trembled, then with a deep and dramatic chant collapsed – first the left wall, then the roof.

"NO...!" groaned the six who'd worked on it.

Max sniffed. "Such _incompetence_. Are all of you good for nothing?"

"Ex _cuse_ me?!" Leshawna said angrily. "We busted our _butts_ building that thing, ain't our fault we didn't expect there to be a _stampede_!"

Max sniffed once more, with even more disdain than the last and completely oblivious to the glares he was receiving from his teammates.

/

A military bugle started to play as the scene cut to a slow pan across a small hangar-shaped building cobbled together out of various sheets of scrap metal, the roughly curved roof patched with wood or even cloth in some places. It was nestled in between several erratic boulders of various sizes, and at the far right the large door that Eva had brought was hanging open. Standing outside the building were Team Maskwak, the camera cutting to show them lined up and looking mostly satisfied.

"See!" Brick said proudly from the center of the group, raising his arms before walking towards their new shelter, the camera moving behind the rest of the team once more. "I told you I had it all planned out."

"It's great, Brick," Sky said with a happy smile as the shot cut back to her, Dave by her side staring at his hands in shock and horror.

"I...really think I need to go wash my sweaty, greasy hands right now...," he said, looking almost shellshocked. "And...the rest of me, too..." he added as he walked off to the right as his teammates looked on.

"Well, _I_ think it's a job well done," Mike said, patting Brick on the back.

The music suddenly turned tense as Chris flew down towards them on his jetpack. "Good to hear it," he said while hovering above them in the air. "Nice bunker, too. So, is it _moose-proof_?"

"Is it _what_ now?" Sky asked in confusion before the ground began to shake, the camera cutting outward to show that Dave had stopped in his track a couple yards away.

The shot quickly cut to a close-up of the approaching herd, then back to Team Maskwak. "Everybody inside!" Brick yelled, and the entire team screamed and ran for the bunker. The cadet waited by the door as his teammates ran in, and once the last – Dave – was inside Brick entered as well, slamming the door shut behind him.

Their nervous faces appeared in the small windows that lined the side of the building, watching as the moose thundered past. The camera cut back outward to show the entire shelter as the last moose passed, and the dust began to settle.

When nothing happened, Team Maskwak breathed a collective sigh of relief.

/

A flash took the scene to another clearing, the two teams now seated on long logs with Maskwak on the left and Kinosewak on the right. "I'd like to say it was a hard decision," Chris said, standing between them as the music boomed dramatically, "but, let's keep it real. Team Waneyihtam Maskwak _wins_ the challenge!" he announced, provoking a groan of disappointment from Kinosewak as a tune of victory played.

The camera panned across the winners, showing Katie and Sadie hugging and squealing, Mike and Brick exchanging a high-five, Sky raising her arms and cheering prompting Dave to follow suit, and Eva on the end raising her arms and bellowing "YEAH!"

"The winners of each challenge will be rewarded this season with a take-out order from a sponsoring restaurant," he told Team Maskwak. "This week, it's the Petting Zoo Barbecue," he said, the victorious music being replaced by a calm elevator music jingle as he took out two paper bags bearing the logo of a grinning sheep sitting in a barbecue grill. "The Petting Zoo Barbecue, someone _else_ touched your dinner," he told the camera. "We guarantee it." He winked.

"Aww man...," Owen groaned as the shot cut to the losers. "I could really go for some _lamb_ right now..."

"Team Pimâpotew Kinosewak," Chris walked over and told them as the music became tense again, "please go vote! One member of your team is heading home today."

The seven of them groaned.

/

A few deep drum beats reopened the music as the scene faded ahead to nightfall, the full moon shining over a long-distance shot of Pahkitew Island. "Welcome to the Pahkitew Island elimination area," Chris greeted, the scene cutting to the flat hilltop that had been shown at the beginning of the episode. The traditional low, slow, and tense elimination had already begun, the fires of both the central pit and the surrounding torches had been lit, and the seven members of Team Kinosewak had seated themselves on the logs and rocks lined up to the side.

"This is where we determine who stays to play another day," Chris continued, "and who gets a one-way ticket home."

xxx

"It's too bad I can only vote for _one_ of those losers tonight," Heather told the outhouse camera, crossing her arms and scowling in annoyance.

xxx

"Serves them right for not letting my supreme _evil-_ ness lead the team," Max confessed snobbishly.

xxx

Anne Maria was spraying her hair as the next confessional began. "Uggh. I risked my looks for _this_? What a rip-off," she complained.

xxx

"The votes are in," Chris said, the shot cutting to him with a tray of six marshmallows in his hand. "If I hand you a marshmallow," he picked up the first of the treats, "you're safe. Leshawna."

" _Yes_!" the sista said from the far right end of the front row, pumping her fist excitedly before catching the prize that was tossed to her.

"Owen, Rodney," the host continued as the camera panned to the two boys sitting alone in the back row.

"Woo hoo!" Owen cheered, immediately tossing the marshmallow into his mouth as the farmer caught his own.

"Heather," the camera panned to the far left to show the Queen bee catching her marshmallow with a confident smirk, "aaaaand Duncan," a short pan to the right showed the punk raising his hand to catch a high toss, "you are safe."

"Anne Maria," the host said, the shot pulling back to show the Jersey girl sitting between Duncan and Leshawna, "your unwillingness to risk your looks for the sake of the team slowed them down. Also," he added as she shrugged uncaringly and pulled her can of hairspray from her pouf, "it's kinda hard to _breathe_ around you." Her eyes popped open, and she put the can away with a sheepish smile.

"And Max," the host continued as the shot cut to the villain sitting with his arms crossed between Heather and Duncan, opening his eyes and raising his brow in confusion. "You did _nothing_ to help your team during the challenge, plus you won't shut up about how evil you are."

"Hmph," Max scoffed. " _E-vil_ should not _hide_ it's own greatness."

"Yeah, don't care," Chris told him with a shake of his head. "Okay!" he continued with a smile, holding up the last marshmallow as the music began to trill. "The final marshmallow goes to..."

The shot cut from a close-up of Anne Maria, looking nervously from side to side as she filed her nails, to Max, puffing himself up proudly as the tense elimination theme continued.

"Anne Maria," Chris finally said, tossing the last prize to the Jersey girl.

"Oh yeah, baby!" she said in excitement, eagerly catching the marshmallow with both hands.

"What?" Max asked in confusion. "But that means-"

"Time for you to go, dork," Duncan said as the camera panned over to include him in the shot.

"This island is named Pahkitew," Chris said as a sombre elimination theme began to play. "Which, is the Cree word for 'exploding'. So, we thought it fitting that this season's mode of transportation home should be something with a bang."

/

The scene rotated about itself, transitioning to Chris and Chef standing by some large object hidden under a sheet. "Without further ado," the host said dramatically, his assistant grabbing the sheet as a grandiose anthem began to play, "I give you the _Boom_ of Abashment, the Ka _blam_ of Chagrin, _this_ season's humiliating way home," the camera zoomed out as Chef pulled away the sheet to reveal a large cannon with alternating red and white stripes spiraling around the barrel, "the _Cannon_ of _Shame_!"

The remaining member of Team Kinosewak gasped in shock.

"Any last words?" Chris asked dryly over a close-up of Max's head emerging from the muzzle of the cannon.

"Yes," Max answered simply before clearing his throat. "You have all _sorely_ underestimated the true grasp of my _e-vil_ ," he said dramatically, the camera zooming in as his eyes turned red and the air around him darkened. "Even now, the seeds of my _evil_ _plan_ have-"

" _Enough_ already," Chris interrupted in irritation as the camera cut outward to show the whole cannon and those watching it. The host pressed the button on his remote, and the cannon finally fired.

"I shall have my _REVENGE_!" Max yelled as he was shot into the night, his former teammates watching on as the opening notes of the capstone theme played in the background.

"Yeah, like I've never heard _that_ before," Chris commented as he turned from the rapidly-disappearing form of Max to face the camera. "Not about to miss having him around," he told it with a laugh as the capstone theme began in earnest.

"Well, that's one down and thirteen to go," he continued with a widening grin. "Who's the _next_ human cannonball? There are just too many good choices! Tune in and find out yourself, here on Total!" The shot jumped outward to show Chef, the cannon, and the remaining Salmons. "Drama!" The next jumpcut revealed the low rocky outcropping they were standing on by the beach. "Paaaaaahkitew Island!" And the final jumpcut showed the entire island from afar, the light of the elimination area shining from the smaller rock formation linked to the island by it's natural arch.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

I imagine I've made quite a few people sad by booting Max first, so I'll try and explain that to start off. Basically, every elimination in this season has been a tough decision for me to make because this might be the only chance I'll have to write these characters, and most of them have a lot of potential in my eyes and I love them for it. With that being said, Max is unfortunately the character I feel I can do the least with. He's uniquely humorous, yes, but humor isn't really something I'm lacking for with this cast. And I feel the other comic relief characters have way more development potential in them when compared with Max, who made it to the merge in canon without ever really changing much. So while on the face of it he seems like someone I'd jump at the chance to develop, especially considering what I did with Ezekiel, Staci, Beardo, and Leonard in previous seasons...I honestly just don't know what to do with him. And since his personality and canon actions made it quite easy to justify an elimination...well, here we are.

So yeah. To summarize, I eliminated Max because I really had no idea what to do with him, and that made him the most expendable person in the cast. It's a shame, as I would've liked to write him and Duncan interacting a bit with him trying to make the punk his minion, but ultimately that wasn't a good enough reason to keep Max around.

Moving on, the teams were actually quite difficult to decide upon as well. There's just so many good combinations of them depending on what you want to do and what interactions you want to emphasize, so it was almost impossible for me to decide on an arrangement. Heck, I even swapped Owen and Mike shortly before I started to work on this episode! I'm still not entirely certain that these teams are the best ones for what I want to do, but they're the ones I've decided to go forward with. I hope you enjoy them.

As for the challenge...well, it was pretty straightforward once I knew Max would be the first boot. Maskwak had to win, meaning they needed to do well in the scavenging portion of the episode. Brick and Rodney were chosen as the two shelter-builders because I figured they were the most realistic among a cast with very little outdoor experience. Manitoba Smith would have been a good choice as well, but since he requires a fedora or similar hat to appear and that's not something that would necessarily be around I figured I should stick with Brick.

But yeah. I hope I managed to keep everyone in character, especially the ones that I've never written before. Let me know what you thought of the cast and of the premiere as a whole, and I'll see you all next week.

Until then, enjoy yourselves.

-Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)


	2. Chapter 2 - A Tale of Two Piggies

**Author's Note**

And after such a resoundingly popular premiere, we arrive at the second episode. Not much to say right now, though I am amused by the wide variety of reaction to my portrayal of Dave - who I feel was written very, very close to his canon self. But, well, there will be more of that in some of the review responses for those of you who read them.

I have managed to reply to all the current reviews for the TSAS finale, though, so that's nice. But let's get on to more...current ones, shall we?

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thanks!

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Honestly, I played Dave as close to canon as I could - all his stuff with Sky was pretty much unaltered. I guess he's just not as endearing once you know what he's really like when push comes to shove? I'm kinda surprised you forgot Sky existed, seeing how she was one of the finalists of the canon season... As for Leshawna and Heather, well, it was fun getting to write them as the rivals/enemies they were always meant to be. And when I was thinking of experiences for Katie and Sadie to share, that allusion to canon was just too good to resist. Anyway, I'm glad you're liking how things are starting off!

 **Silver Writer 0927:** That so? Well, I'm glad not everyone is disappointed by Max's early elimination. I hope you enjoy the rest of the season!

 **Animation Adventures:** Haha, well, don't get used to having such early chapters. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the introductory scenes; establishing a character without mentioning their name (even if that name is already known to the majority of readers) is something I feel is a worthwhile skill to develop. And honestly, I barely felt I had much choice regarding who would lead the shelter-building and what they'd be, considering this cast. But hey, it would suck if my only choice was a flop with my audience, you know? I can see what you mean with Max being the Leonard of this season (even if I think Leonard has way more development potential), and as for this week's title...well, since the canon one was such a Sugar thing to do, it had to be changed into something...less good, I feel. It was the last thing I came up with for this chapter, actually.

 **Solarr-Eclipse:** Well okay then! I'm glad you liked both the elimination and the season premiere as a whole.

 **Commander Liv:** Hmm...well, both of those subplots have been on my mind while trying to plan out this season, so don't worry - they will be addressed. I will say that I'm not exactly a fan of Dave, though.

 **Dylan:** Thank you, but unfortunately I have no plans to have any cameos of previous contestants. Maybe some references here and there, but no actual cameos.

 **DSX62415:** I suppose, but I don't know if I'll be able to write much fanfiction in the future. But I'm glad you like the season so far, and I hope it continues as the weeks go by.

 **TheHungerGames19:** Always good to see someone supporting Eva. :)

 **bruno14:** Yeah, I'm sad too, but this is just how it has to be. I'm glad you enjoyed Mike, Leshawna, Duncan, Heather, and Brick; and I hope you continue to like them as the season goes on.

 **PhantomlordJ:** Ehh, Max and Owen...doesn't really seem like that good of a duo to me. Owen's eager to please, but not to that extent. Interesting predictions, although with no Sugar there's no real reason for me to have a talent contest at the Final Three. And Katie and Sadie don't parallel the wins that well, since the twins never actually got along and can't possibly be construed as having gotten along.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks! And yeah, Rodney's always struck me as someone who has more potential to be useful, it all just comes down to who he's around. And lol, Eva's toughness is something I just enjoy playing up. I wouldn't call it superhuman, though, after everything else that's happened in this series.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the teams since it took me so long to decide on how to split them up. And yeah, Sky definitely sees Svetlana as something of a rival. How couldn't she, being an Olympic hopeful herself? And yeah, the disorder has actually been officially known as Dissociative Identity Disorder since 1994, which needless to say irked some people when Mike debuted (and his considerably less-than-stellar portrayal of the disorder over the course of two seasons only made things worse). He is definitely someone I'm putting a lot of care into how I write.  
As for the others, I'm glad you're enjoying them even if Max was the first boot. I do think I could've made him work without Scarlett around, but there's just so many other people I'd rather develop.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Honestly, I never saw the appeal of shipping Scarlett and Max. Simply because, you know, Scarlett legit wanted him dead by the end of their run together. It's seriously not a basis for a healthy relationship. I'm not gonna alter the episode order by the way, since I've done it enough over the course of the series as it is. As for this week's elimination...well, you'll find out who it is soon enough.

 **Skyline 10:** Thanks. As for your questions...well, they'll be answered in due time.

 **CVluvFoxy:** Yup, that's pretty much what I was thinking too. Max is funny and all, but that's not what this cast needed. I'm glad you're loving it so far, and that you're rooting for Sadie and Leshawna.

 **StarHeart Specials:** Yeah, you're not alone.

 **Frostmourne Hungers:** Thank you. It's been a long time coming, both this fic and my need to get on with my life. First off, for the record, I would like to state that Waneyihtam Maskwak has the best team icon of all time.  
Moving on...let's see, the Dave-Duncan interaction just...I don't know, it seemed like a great place to introduce them both. Well, it's where Dave was introduced in canon, but substituting Duncan for Leonard just felt right. Dave needs someone openly unusual to bounce off of at the start, and Duncan was the best choice.  
Regarding the rest of Kinosewak, I am enjoying writing Heather and Leshawna as being...strong, and butting heads. The team as a whole is pretty hotheaded, and Heather and Leshawna are big parts of that. Duncan and Anne Maria too, of course. And...yeah, don't get your hopes up for Dunther, sorry. Like I said in the first AN last week, this season isn't exactly gonna be big on the straight ships. To round out the remaining members of this team, Owen and Rodney are a nice chunk of...well, niceness to balance out the rest. Rodney especially is someone I wanna see what I can do with.  
Then back to Maskwak. Mike is someone who never really got a lot of development as an individual in canon since everything about him revolved around Zoey or his disorder, so I decided to flesh him out a bit by examining his motives and goals a little more closely. Not much to say about Katie and Sadie besides my desire to do better than canon with whichever one lasts longer. Dave...yeah, I don't like him either. It's almost strange to me the reactions I've been getting towards him in reviews, as I've been doing my best to keep him as close to his canon portrayal as possible. So I think people have been seeing Dave more for what he is, and while I wouldn't say he has serial killer vibes I will say that he's just a little bit of a creep, and a little bit of a jerk, who doesn't really consider much beyond his own feelings.  
Eva...well, I like her being a badass. And I like Sky, too - I can kinda see why people think of her as Zoey 2.0, but honestly their similarities only go so far like you said. I'd say she's more like a mix between Zoey and Courtney. As for Brick not being so clumsy...well, he needed to be the one to step up and get the shelter built so Maskwak would win, so it wasn't really the time to show him slipping up.  
Interesting predictions regarding the couples is all I'll say on that front...and as for your criticism, yeah it was kinda awkward to write it. But since I do want this story to not turn off people who maybe haven't read the rest of the series yet, I figured that following canon's slow cast introduction was the way to go.  
And some good points about the Max boot. I do think I could've pulled off taking him in a slightly different direction than canon, and Duncan not really taking Max's shit would actually be part of that. Since Max is pretty damn oblivious, I figured it could work out at least for a couple of episodes. But ultimately I ended up deciding that Max wasn't needed for the season. I will say that this cast not having a techie, or really any sort of brainiac-type, kinda hurts it a little. Scarlett may have ended a villain, but before that she was the person slowly uncovering the island's big secret. I'm still not sure how to replace that.

 **crossoversfanTJ:** Like I've been saying, I probably could've figured out something to do with max, but it just wasn't worth it to me. More important characters to pay attention to, and Max was just such an easy first boot. And yeah, Heather and Rodney's interactions are...definitely of interest to me. Like you said, Heather is a person who wants to manipulate some allies, and Rodney is an easy choice that'll still make her strategy interesting because of his quirks. Fun facts: in an initial build of the teams, Katie and Sadie took the place of Owen and Anne Maria on Team Kinosewak. But since I figured that would give Heather way too much power I swapped people around a bit, and so I'm pretty happy with how things have turned out.  
Like usual, giving development to those who didn't have much of a chance in canon is something I'm definitely gonna be trying to do. The problem is that there's just so many good characters this season, it's been hard to decide who to prioritize. As for the possible pairings...well, I can't really comment on your comments right now, other than that they're interesting. I hope you enjoy how things unfold in the story.

 **aceman88:** Always nice to hear from a (relatively) long-time reader. :) Yeah, it's hard for me to believe we're nearly at the end of the series too, but here we are. Honestly, the relative failure of a lot of remakes to get through even one season was a big impetus towards this series' creation I think, but even then I'm amazed that I've managed to get this far, develop such a relatively big fanbase along the way, and even have people like you saying I'm an inspiration. I am sincerely glad you've enjoyed this series; every time I hear something like that from someone it gives me hope that maybe I'll be able to write like an actual novel some day.  
Dave...well, I'll be honest and say that I don't really like him. What that means for his romance arc with Sky, though, will have to wait to be seen.  
And and as for the TVTropes page I don't edit it myself. I've always thought doing that would seem a little too egotistical or something like that, you know?

 **graveexcitement:** Well, I'm glad you've gotten caught up again, and that you're still enjoying this series. Heather being genre savvy is just something I figured would be an obvious consequence of her basically being three years younger than in canon. She seems like the type who would be intimately familiar with the kinds of strategies that work. Whether or not she'll be able to do anything with that knowledge, however...

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Yeah, Max was the obvious first boot for a reason. Not too helpful a guy, y'know? And Anne Maria wasn't actually that close to losing though - Max was probably the only one who voted for her. Regarding Mike and his alters, it's not so much that I intended on following the same order of appearance as canon so much as that's just what happened to be best given the situation. Not much else to say about the others; they're all great characters with a lot of potential and it's been so hard trying to decide who to boot and when.

 **Atom king:** Yup, the pairings will reveal themselves in due time. And as for Mike and Duncan's shared past...well, that too will have to play out on its own.

 **JockJuggy:** Thanks! 'Scarlett Fever' or whatever I end up renaming it is definitely something I'm gonna have to think about the flavor of - how close do I want it to be to canon, and how much should be different? That sort of thing. Anyway, I hope I can live up to your expectations for Duncan.

 **link9753:** Thanks! And yeah, Duncan being the one to catch two of the people without chutes was definitely a nod to him being a big of a nice guy in the inside. Though as with canon it's more towards other guys; he's still pretty much a chauvinist pig. Also deliberate was Svetlana getting introduced earlier, as I don't really want to spread out the debuts of his alters too much if I can help it. Interesting thoughts on the same-sex pairings I have in mind this season, though I do look forward to seeing your reactions as they play out and form.  
And yeah, no need to be subtle with Heather's antagonism at least to the reader. She's always been the first pick; how could I possibly do her justice otherwise? As for Max...well, him being eliminated was less about Scarlett not being there and more about me wanting to keep everyone else around.  
As for the cast picture, let's see...Owen and Rodney in the center of it, with Max in front of them laughing evilly. Brick saluting, Heather crossing her arms and leaning kinda like in the TDI picture, and Katie and Sadie hugging each other to the left of Owen. Duncan making devil horns, Mike smiling awkwardly, and Anne Maria smiling flirtatiously to the right of Rodney. Sky on one knee on the bottom-left like the canon pic, then Dave on his knees rubbing his arm and smiling uncomfortably. Then on the other side of Max it's Leshawna lounging on her side, then Eva on the right end down on one knee but crossing her arms and looking rather irritated.

 **ashDanLand:** Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying this season's cast. Not sure how you could forget about Mike though, lol.

 **MaximusTheMad:** Haha, fair enough. I'm more neutral towards him myself, but that's just me. I'm glad you're liking how things have started, and yeah Mike is a character with a lot of unnecessary writing flaws in canon that I'm gonna do my best to iron out. As for Heather...well, she's gotta do what she's gotta do, even if to a reader it doesn't seem like it'll work so well. If nothing else, she's a crafty one and I look forward to figuring out her strategy and moves this season and then seeing how you and everyone else reacts to them.

 **Guest:** Yeah, not even close to being first. And hey, looks like me not reminding people of this season's cast paid off even if not quite the way I was expecting. The bunker...well, I never really visualized it as being in the trees, but I will admit it was a bit of a trick to get figured out in my head. I...don't really know what I'm gonna do with the finale yet. But I do know that I want to develop Rodney a bit beyond how he was in canon.

 **The Prime Writer:** Yeah, pretty much. As much as I'd like to continue writing in this series and 'verse...I'd much rather find a job that I like so I can get money and eventually move out. Just...please don't act like I have a lot planned for this season, because I really don't. Not like I usually do. Past seasons have had way more clear ideas and scenes and such in mind, but this time I'm basically running off of vague desires with little idea how to implement anything right now. Other than that, interesting thoughts on the cast so far. There's definitely a lot of potential in this cast, and a lot that I want to either improve upon or live up to - Duncan being a good example of this, but really it's true for just about every character this season. I really do hope I can make this a good season to end my series on.

 **FOWLKON:** Yeah, pretty much. Luckily, this season doesn't exactly need Max to be entertaining.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Well then, I'm been glad you've been able to read so much of my work so quickly! I hope you enjoy both All-Stars and this season; AS because it's such an important one and this one because...well, it's the last one. Honestly, nearly all of the cast has so much potential - Heather and Duncan as strong players; Anne Maria and Leshawna as similar girls with a lot to offer; and pretty much everyone else as having so much character to explore. It's gonna be tough to live up to everyone's expectations, but I'm gonna do my best - just like I've done with so many characters in the past. Mike in particular is one who I really wanna prove that I can do good by, since I don't think he was written well at all in canon.

 **Star Saber21:** Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Yeah, I figured you were gonna be bummed the moment I saw your TSAS finale there's certainly things I could do with Max, I just saw so much more potential in practically everyone else. Let's see...well, regarding Mike and Duncan, part of the reason I switched Mike with Owen at the last minute was to limit Mike and Duncan's interactions. As for why I did that...well, I hope it'll be clear as the season progresses. Getting his arc paced right is definitely gonna be tricky, and the appearances of his alters are a big part of that. Some interesting thoughts and predictions about the plotlines each of the contestants are gonna have this season; not all of it jives with the ideas I've been having, but some does fit. I will say that I'm not really a fan of Dave, though, so feel free to keep that in mind.

 **OMAC001:** Yeah, in the end he was the easiest choice for first boot. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the season!

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Haha, yeah, that was a fun scene to write. Figuring out the order everyone would go in, as well as what would be in the future Team Maskwak's packs... And yeah, Max got oddly far in canon considering his personality. Canon Kinosewak never really felt like they communicated that much to be honest; though I can understand why they'd want to target those more directly responsible for their challenge losses first. And lol, the couch was actually a result of me misinterpreting the edge of what was actually a chair in the canon episode, but I just ran with it and it worked. Anyway, I hope you like this week's episode! And to answer your question...I know I did it alphabetically in at least some respect, but whether that was by generation or not I can't recall. There were two lists, though, one for boys and one for girls so the numbers would work out right.

 **Knifez:** Thanks! Honestly, this season has so many interesting characters that it's been a pain to plan out because I don't know when to eliminate everyone. Sorry to disappoint you with Max's boot, though; like I've been saying, it was mostly just a result of me not feeling like I could do all that much with him compared to the others. Not enough screentime for someone who's almost entire purpose is comic relief, y'know? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this week's episode!

 **I. M. Poik:** Hah, yeah, so many new characters for me to write. Interesting thoughts on the cast, though you seem to like Dave way more than I do. Enjoy the season!

 **Joel Connell:** Thanks! And lol, my versions of Sky and Dave really aren't that different from canon I feel,. aside from having different people to interact with. Their failed relationship in canon was...well, I didn't really mind it as Dave generally got what was coming to him. Anyway, thanks for the well-wishes. I've been trying to read Unfinished Business, or I was several months ago, but so far I haven't been able to get far into it. As for Supreme...well, I'd say I'd check it out but I honestly don't think I have the time right now, sorry.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Glad to here it! New reviewers are always appreciated. Mike, as well as the Sky/Dave relationship, are things I'm really gonna try and be careful to handle in just the right way. I'm not a fan of Dave's, though, so just be warned.

And finally, finally those are out of the way for the week. Sorry for those who who felt it got in the way, but after five seasons I just can't stop answering reviews in public now.

Let's see... as most of you already know, **a TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

And as a reminder, here are the teams as of the start of this episodes:

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Dave, Katie, Mike, Sadie, Sky

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Anne Maria, Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Owen, Rodney

And now, without further ado, enjoy the show and all the grease it may bring.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 2 – A Tale of Two Piggies**

"Last time, on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris said over a shot of the new island from afar, the capstone theme beginning in the background. "It's an _all-new_ season with an _all-new_ island," he said as the recap montage opened with shots of the cave, the waterfall, and the elimination area. "And all-new _victims_!" he added gleefully over clips of Mike and Rodney in the zeppelin; and Anne Maria, Dave, Duncan, Brick, Katie, and Sadie there as well. "I mean... _competitors_!" the host corrected with a laugh over a clip of Max accepting gum from Sky and immediately gagging on it.

"Two incredible teams were created," Chris continued as the seven members of Pimâpotew Kinosewak rose up from behind the stumps and bushes they'd chosen as cover for the first part of the challenge. "And by incredible," the members of Waneyihtam Maskwak were shown reacting to Dave getting hit in the head by a tennis ball, "I mean _incredibly weird_." Rodney tried to lift Max to his feet, only for the diminutive villain to immediately fall over again.

"The first challenge was to build themselves a home," the host said as Eva was shown leaping into action for her team, followed by the group shot of several campers searching the junk pile after Chef had been knocked out. "And Team Maskwak's'military bunker was a hands-down winner," he added as the winning team was shown taking cover from the stampeding moose herd in their hangar-shaped shelter, "when compared to Kinosewak's unfinished and unbalanced barn," he said as the barn was shown partially collapsing to the horror of its builders.

"And for doing nothing but ranting about how evil he was," Chris said over clips of Max running in terror out of the cave, then holding up two useless items to Anne Maria, "and, well, being annoying in general, _Max_ was the first one to be fired away in our Cannon of Shame!" Max was shown swearing his revenge before being blasted into the night, ending the recap montage.

"So, what firsts can we expect during our second challenge?" Chris asked the camera, standing against the dawn sky. "Find out soon, on Total!" The shot jumped backward to show him standing on the natural arch leading to the elimination area. "Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

[Though the sequence remained short, it opened much the same as it had in previous seasons – a shift into letterbox format for a shot of a rocky forest waterfall, a stagelight rotating up from behind some rocks and turning on. Then a shiny spotlight swings down from the unseen branches of some mossy, mushroom-ridden tree. The shot moves to a pond where a brown bear wearing a scuba mask sits in the water glaring at a frog on a lily pad, both animals looking surprised as the lily pad is suddenly lifted into the air by a security camera rising up from below it. A seagull perched on a rock on the beach is flattened by a panel in the rock slamming down on it, another camera emerging from within, and a pair of white-skinned hands clap a film slate in front of the main camera.

As the film slate is pulled away the scene transitions to a rocky stream, and the camera flies forward to see Anne Maria, spraying her hair in front of a coughing and annoyed Chris. He shoves her out of the way just as the camera passes and the lyrics start.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera quickly flies through the pine trees, landing on Katie and Sadie eagerly picking berries from a bush and eating them. They look to the right to see Rodney down on one knee offering one of them a bouquet of flowers, and the girls squeal in delight. Then they suddenly start slap-fighting each other to Rodney's confusion, and the camera quick-pans away.

It lands on Sky, Leshawna, and Heather standing on top of a cliff. Heather says something with a smug and superior expression, prompting Leshawna to angrily shove her from the cliff while Sky gasps in shock. Leshawna simply crosses her arms and smirks as Heather falls, screaming and flailing.]

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The camera quick-pans downward to show Heather falling past Eva and Brick, the two scaling the side of the cliff. They look back over their shoulders to watch the girl fall with blank and confused looks.

Another quick-pan takes the camera to Dave sitting on a rock, his fingers in his ears and an irritated look on his face. To the left is Owen, a hand on his chest as he seems to belch out a song like an opera singer. And on the right is Mike, looking at both in confusion before shifting into his 'old man' alter. He then hunches over with a hand on his lower back, starts wagging his finger, and rants at the two boys.

The camera moves to the left to show Max, laughing evilly to himself in front of Duncan. The punk grin darkly, then grabs the hem of the villain's underpants and gives him a brutal atomic wedgie that leaves Max twitching on the ground and Duncan laughing hysterically.

The lyrics end there, and the camera suddenly flies forward through the shrubs behind Duncan and Max to emerge at the roaring campfire. The usual whistling finishes begins as Sky and Dave are shown sitting together by the fire. Sky looks wary as Dave leans forward expectantly, only for Eva to suddenly step forward with an angry glare and frighten Dave away.

Sky looks awkwardly to him, then to Eva, and then to the camera as it pulls back to reveal the full cast – Max, Duncan, Katie, Sadie, and Owen on the left next to Eva and Sky with Chris standing nearby; Heather, Mike, Rodney, Brick, Anne Maria, and Leshawna next to where Dave had been seated, with Chef standing behind them.

The misshapen signpost on the gateway to the elimination area read 'Total Drama Pahkitew Island' in big block letter over three lines.]

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A pleasant, lilting tune began as the episode opened on Pahkitew Island, the sun only just rising out from between the peaks of its hills. The logo of the Confused Bears spun into the corner of the screen as the shot moved to the team's bunker, and the camera soon cut inside.

The focus was placed first on the right half of the building, where the four girls were shown sound asleep under torn and tattered blankets. The camera moved between a few close-ups to show Katie and Sadie sleeping in a set of rustic-looking bunkbeds along the back wall; Sky sleeping in a hammock suspended between the post of the bunks and a support beam; Eva sleeping in another hammock hanging between that beam and a tall pile of boxes and crates; and the clotheslines running from back-right to front-left, where it seemed most of the girls' outerwear had been hung for the night.

The camera moved sideways through a large, heavy black tarp that divided the room, and showed the four boys sound asleep as well. Dave was in another hammock that hung along the left wall, as was Brick; while Mike had apparently claimed for a bed the red-and-gold couch his alter had found in the first challenge and was sleeping on it along the back wall. As with the girls' room there was a clothesline running through it that held most of their outerwear, and several boxes and crates and barrels littered the room like furniture. Atop a central barrel was an empty bag from their reward meal.

Mike started to groan almost painfully in his sleep as the camera focused on him. He suddenly inhaled sharply, and his lips curled inward and his eyes clenched tighter as he said "I _told_ ya not to take the couch, ya ninny!" in his old man voice.

A pan over to the left showed Brick awaken with a yawn, stretching his arms and smiling brightly. "Bright and early, just how I like it," he said decisively, sliding off his hammock and landing on the wooden floor with a thud.

"Who-za-!" 'Mike' exclaimed as the shot cut to him waking with a start, flailing his arms and falling off the couch. "Oh...it's just _you_...," he said in annoyance as he stood back up, hand on his lower back.

"Good morning, Mike!" Brick said, the camera shifting to show him sitting almost fully-dressed on a small crate and tying his boots as the elderly alter walked over barefoot and in a white t-shirt. "Wasn't expecting you up so early."

"Mike?" The Old Man said in confusion. "The name's _Chester_ , ya little whippersnapper! And don't you forget it!"

Brick gave him an odd and bewildered look. "Uh...duly noted, Chester," he said before standing up and marching over to where Dave still slept. "Rise and shine, soldier!" he said as he flipped the boy out of his hammock, sending him crashing to the ground with a scream .

"Wha...what was _that_ for?!" Dave shouted at Brick in outrage, immediately standing up and raising his arms.

"Sorry Dave, but from now on we get up as a _platoon_ ," Brick answered. "We gotta be in peak condition if we wanna keep winning challenges, and that means getting an early start. Now, I'm going out to find us some breakfast. You're welcome to come with me if you want," he offered, the camera moving behind his head to show his two teammates.

" _Feh_ ," Chester said with a dismissive handwave, "I'll stay right here thank you very much."

The focus moved to Dave as he dryly said "Yeah, you go on without us."

"As you wish," Brick told them, snapping off a salute as the focus moved back to him. He marched off, and the camera moved back to Dave and Chester.

"...I'm going back to bed," Dave said with a dead stare, walking away from Chester after a moment.

xxx

"As the only soldier here with any military experience," Brick confessed, "it's up to _me_ to whip these maggots into a team fit for _survival_ in the great outdoors. They'll thank me later once we keep winning."

xxx

The scene moved to the ruins of the Floating Salmons' barn, their logo appearing in the corner of the screen as the camera panned to the left. It stopped on the team itself, gathered around the smoldering remains of a campfire with no shelter in sight.

"Uggh, we _have_ to finish the barn today," Heather said as the shot cut to a close-up of her face, showing the dark bags under her eyes as the Queen bee fixed her hair. The image was revealed to be the reflection in a hand mirror as it was moved away, and the viewpoint shifted to show the girl standing off to the side tending to her looks. "I am _not_ spending another night out here with no shelter."

Anne Maria walked over and swiped the mirror from her, adding "Even _with_ shelter I don't know how much more of this I can take," as she looked over herself and ignored Heather's glare. "How am I supposed to maintain this look with only two cans of hairspray and no electricity?" she asked, taking out one of the cans out of her pouf and giving her 'do a quick spray.

"Well if all you two do is _complain_ all the time," Leshawna spoke up, the camera panning over to show her walking past with a few wooden planks under her arms, "then we aren't gonna get _anything_ done! You want things better, you better start _workin_ '," she told them.

"I _am_ working," Heather replied shortly as she walked over and swiped the mirror back from Anne Maria. "Or I will be once I make sure I can look _good_ doing it."

Anne Maria snorted and swiped the mirror away just as Heather began to adjust her hair again. "Trust me, Toothpick, you're wastin' your _time_ if you're tryin' to look good. _I_ am the one who needs to maintain the beauty on this team."

"Uh, ex _cuse_ me?" Heather objected in outrage. " _You're_ the one wasting your _time_!"

"You're _both_ wasting time," Leshawna shot at the two. "We gotta get building!"

A few deep notes played as Heather and Anne Maria wheeled on her, and as the three began to argue the camera panned over to show Rodney as he approached with his hands raised held out meekly. "Girls, girls, stop fighting!" he told the three. "It'll all be fine, we just have to stop making it worse!"

An ominous riff played as Leshawna, Heather, and Anne Maria all turned fierce glares on the country boy, making him flinch. Then all three sniffed, Leshawna and Anne Maria walking off on different paths to the right while Heather went back left. The camera lingered on Rodney, a lost expression on his face as he looked from side to side.

xxx

"I don't really know how to handle fights between girls," Rodney confessed, "especially when they're all city slickers. If it was just me and Duncan and Owen I could take charge no problem," he said with a snap of his fingers, "but with the girls, I just...," he hunched down and rubbed the back of his neck, "don't know what to do. Especially since I'm dating Heather. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, but I don't wanna be unfair to the others."

xxx

"Hah!" Duncan laughed as he and Owen walked over to Rodney. "Looks like we just barely missed out on a primo catfight, boys," he said, earning a confused look from the country boy. "Oh well. Hey, Farm Boy," he told Rodney with a bright smile, "me and Owen are gonna go try and rustle up some grub. You in?"

"Nah," Rodney said with a shake of his head. "I should probably stay here and help with the barn."

Duncan shrugged and started walking away, "Suit yourself, man."

"Don't worry, we'll bring you back something good," Owen chimed in before running off. "Food, here I come!" he cheered excitedly from off-screen.

/

A military drumline began to play as the scene flashed to a close-up of a bush growing along a forest trail. A pair of combat boots marched out from behind it, and the camera pulled back to show Brick moving through the woods with a focused expression.

"Alright," he said to himself, "time to remember your training. First, identify a potential food source." He stopped in his tracks and looked around. "Hey, there's something!" he said brightly before jogging over to a small tree-like shrub covered in red berries. He moved his hand out to start picking, but stopped abruptly. "Wait," he said, furrowing his unibrow, "I need to make sure these aren't poisonous first."

The shot cut to a close-up of the berries. "Hmmm, they don't _look_ familiar," Brick said. "But if they were poisonous I'm sure I would've been taught what they looked like, so they're probably fine," he reasoned, the camera returning to its usual position as he rubbed the back of his neck in thought. "But can I really risk letting my teammates eat 'em?"

Just then a light laugh came from nearby, causing the soldier to perk up with interest. The camera panned ahead and to the right as he started walking in that direction, and the shot landed on Duncan and Owen standing by similar berry bush to the one Brick had found.

"So? How is it?" the punk asked his teammate, the large blond's mouth rimmed with berry juice of various colors.

"Ooh, _delicious_!" Owen said with another laugh, stuffing another handful of berries into his mouth. "Oh, and not poisonous, too," he added after he swallowed.

"Good," Duncan said, picking a few of the berries for himself. "The last thing I want is to have to take a bathroom break in the middle of the next challenge."

"Haha, yeah, me neither," Owen said. "Cause when I take an emergency bathroom break, I break the _bathroom_ , if ya know what I'm sayin'," he added, elbowing the punk in the side.

"Dude, gross!" Duncan said with a jovial laugh. "Now come on, let's go see what else we can find," he said, tugging on the blond's arm and jerking a thumb to the right.

"Hold on, just a couple more," Owen said as he quickly picked a few more berries off the bush.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," came the voice of Brick, attracting the attention of the two Salmons as he marched over from the left. "Am I correct in assuming that this type of berry is safe to eat?" he asked, motioning to the bush Owen was picking fruit from.

"Mmm, yup," Owen said, happily sticking a few more berries into his mouth and licking the juice off his fingers. "Also-"

Duncan put an arm in front of the boy to stop him, then walked forward. "Hold on, Soldier Boy, you know we're on enemy teams, right? Why should we help you?"

Brick stood up straight and folded his hands behind his back, the military drumline beginning once more. "While it's true we're enemy combatants, that only applies on the battlefield – which is to say challenges. In our current survival situation, there's no reason we shouldn't call a truce and help each other out."

The punk smirked, and his companion looked confusedly from him to the cadet. "Fair enough," Duncan said. "Me and Owen are gonna go check out a stream nearby. If you wanna follow us, we can't stop you." He turned and walked away with his teammate right behind him, and the camera lingered just long enough to show Brick marching along afterward as well.

xxx

"Normally, I'd be a little more suspicious," Duncan told the outhouse camera. "But Brick seems like a pretty honorable guy, as far as soldiers go. So yeah, I'll act buddy-buddy with him for now," the punk said in an almost dismissive tone. "And hey," he smirked, "I kinda dig the military thing."

xxx

The footage skipped ahead to show the three boys at the edge of a babbling brook, the music turning low as Owen crouched down onto his hands and knees. The camera moved overhead to show his reflection in the clear blue water, and he soon raised an eyebrow and scratched his head in confusion. "Well that's weird," he said as the viewpoint moved back to the side, "there's no fish in here!"

"Not even the little ones?" Brick asked, holding his two pointer fingers a couple inches apart.

"Not even the _itty-bitty_ little ones," Owen replied, holding his pointer and thumb less than an inch apart.

"Maybe the stream's just too small?" Duncan suggested.

"That shouldn't _matter_ on an island like this," Owen told him. He sighed in confusion and shook his head. "Looks like we're gonna have to head downstream if I wanna catch some fish," he said, the shot cutting to another angle to show him walking off to the right.

Duncan and Brick shared a look, but quickly followed after him. "You know how to fish?" Duncan asked.

"Uh-huh," Owen nodded. "My _grandpa_ taught me," he explained proudly. "I caught a shark once, it bit me in the butt. Check it out," he said, pausing to bend over and pull down his pants.

Duncan and Brick stared at the big guy's pixelated butt in shock for a second before Duncan laughed. "Killer," he said, walking ahead.

xxx

"If I can catch us some fish," Owen confessed, "then I'll _totally_ be the team's provider. Then they'll _never_ vote me off!"

xxx

"Campers!" Chris called over a tall loudspeaker, a drumroll as he paused leading into a more intense tune. "The only good thing about this morning is, that it's gonna get worse. For _you_." He laughed, and the shot cut to the four members of Team Kinosewak that were raising the left wall of their barn pausing to listen. "There's a path heading into the forest. Follow it to today's hurt- _tacular_ challenge." The three foragers were shown listening as well before the scene flashed away.

/

"Way to go, Brick!" Sky said as the seven Bears were shown walking single-file through the woods with nuts and berries in their hands. "With teamwork like this, we'll be _unstoppable_ today."

"My thoughts exactly," Brick said, right in front of Sky at the head of their marching order.

"I can't believe you found so much food so fast!" Dave added in amazement, right behind Sky.

The cadet shrugged. "Anyone with my level of training could've done it."

"Oh, could you teach me?" Sadie asked from the back of the line between her best friend and Chester. "I love love _love_ these berries!"

"Oh, and I love them even _more_!" Katie chimed in.

"Thank you, ladies," Brick told them. "It's good to see you're interested in how to _survive_ out here in the wild."

/

Another flash took the scene to Team Kinosewak walking along a similar path in a similar position with their hands full of berries.

"So then," Owen told Duncan as they walked along near the middle of the pack, only Anne Maria behind them, "we raised our shotguns, and BAM! One shot, and the bear was _dead_."

"Hahaha, awesome story, dude," the punk laughed.

"Yeah, if you like make-believe," Anne Maria muttered from behind them.

The camera panned up to show Leshawna just in front of Duncan. "Uh, bears aside," she told the boys behind her, "good work on findin' breakfast for us."

"Oh, it was no problem," Owen said happily.

"Yeah," Duncan chimed in with a crude smirk. "Us _men_ gotta watch out for you ladies, am I right?"

At the front of the line, Heather rolled her eyes. " _Please_. Us ladies can handle ourselves just fine. Don't you agree, Rodney?" she asked, looking back at the country boy with a sweet smile.

"Uhh..." Rodney said, suddenly flustered.

"Clam up, campers!" Chris interrupted over the loudspeaker. "Pick up the pace!"

"Uh, yeah, what he said," Rodney said, quickly speeding up past a slightly annoyed Heather.

/

The scene moved to the bank of a river, the thirteen campers standing with their back to the camera in front of the host. "Welcome, victims," he greeted, the shot slowly zooming in, "to the _Oop_ -stacle Relay Race of Hilarious Hurts." He was standing between a widescreen television set up on a tall stump next to another tree, and a pair of lawn chairs set up by a crate bearing a pitcher of ice water and a plate of sandwiches.

"You call that a name?" Chester asked irritably as the shot moved to the campers. "Why, back in _my_ day-"

"Nobody cares, Mike," Chris cut him off with a quick shake of the head as the focus returned to him. "Now, each player takes on a different _Oop_ -stacle," he explained, "starting with..." He pointed a remote at the TV next to him, a DVD player sitting below it in a hollow carved into the stump. The television switched on, and the camera cut in closer to show two tall, sloped wooden balance beams running over a mass of brambles sitting in a small pond. All of the logs that made it up were coated with a thick, orange grease. "The Greased Log, Over a Thorny Bog!"

A bit of static cut the TV footage to the top of a cliff, a rope tied to a tall tree and leading down and to the right off the cliff. "That gets you to a Greasy Zipline over the ravine for the next player," Chris continued, the footage quick-panning down the line to show the other end tied a tree near the edge of a lower cliff. Another bit of static moved the scene to a massive three-dimensional maze of pipes, all lying in a bed of grease. "Then," the host continued as the footage slowly panned to the right along the pipes, "a quick and painful journey through, the Grease-tacular Tube-tacular!"

"Next up," Chris said as the next round of static took the focus to a large bed of tire predictably lying in grease, "is the Grease Tires!" The footage immediately transitioned to a shot of two wheelbarrows standing next to a veritable lake of grease. "Then a pass-off to the Greasy Wheelbarrow Race," another round of static took the scene to a tall, steep, grease-covered wooden slope with a pair of climbing ropes running down it. "And the _last_ lucky player climbs a rope, up the Greased Wall. Or tries to and falls, which is _waaaay_ funnier," he ended with a laugh.

"That's...a _lot_ of grease," Dave said in rising panic as the shot cut back to Team Maskwak. "It's... _very_ greasy, like...all of it! Greasy...," he drooped in defeat.

"Yup," Chris said with a smile. "Now, I was gonna have you pass a relay baton. But! Couldn't find any."

"So what are you gonna make us use instead?" Leshawna asked warily as the shot moved to Tea Kinosewak. "I've seen this show, so it's _gotta_ be somethin' dangerous."

Her answer came in the form of a horrifying squeal and the sound of something being dragged along the ground, shocking all the members of her team. "You'll be using," Chris said as the camera moved behind the campers again and panned to the right onto Chef struggling to drag over whatever was attached to the leashes in his hands, "greased wild _boars_!" The camera stopped on a flag-marked starting line, which Chef was slowly dragging two large spotted pigs over – one brown, the other pink.

"Not so much batons, as ba-cons!" the host joked poorly, turning a cheesy smile back to Team Kinosewak.

"Eww!" Anne Maria said in disgust, though whether at the joke or the boars was uncertain.

"I can see my humor is _wasted_ on you people," Chris huffed in annoyance as he walked over to the starting line, the two boars now sitting relatively calmly in front of it while Chef stood before them between the flags. "First team across the finish line _with_ their boar," Chris continued with his usual smile, " _wins_."

"Permission to speak, sir?" Brick spoke up as the shot moved to Team Maskwak. "How is this gonna work with my team having seven members when there are only _six_ oop-stacles?"

"Two of you will have to double up on one section of the race," Chris explained off-screen before the camera cut back to him. "Now, decide who's on what oop-stacle. Cause the race is _about_ to start!"

"Alright, so-" Sky and Brick began at the same time as the focus cut back to the Bears. The two paused, then looked strangely at one another.

"With all do respect, ma'am-" Brick told her.  
"Excuse me, Brick, I was-" Sky told him.

The two paused again. "Umm...," Sky began hesitantly before Brick could say anything. "Sorry, but I just wanna get everything sorted out."

"Well, that's what _I_ was doing," Brick said. "I mean, I _am_ the leader of the platoon."

Sky raised an eyebrow, as did Dave who stood next to her. "You are? Since when?"

Brick raised an eyebrow next. "Uhh, since I took command of the building operations yesterday," the cadet answered. "Not to mean any disrespect, but that's just what I had assumed we'd all decided," he explained, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

xxx

"I thought _I_ was the leader yesterday," Sky confessed. "I mean, I was the one leading the discussions. The only reason I let Brick lead the building project was because he knew what he was doing! I'm a little annoyed he's only bringing this up _now_ ," she said with a narrow-eyed frown, "but it's not the time for a power struggle."

xxx

"No, it's fine," Sky said quickly, raising her hands in front of her. "I don't wanna argue, I just...wanna get this challenge sorted out."

"Right then," Brick said, puffing himself up decisively. "First order of business is deciding who'll be paired up."

"Ooh! Ooh! We will!" Katie and Sadie jumped up and down excitedly with their hands in the air.

xxx

"Sadie and I are BFFFLs," Katie told the outhouse camera, sharing the space with Sadie as a touching tune played.

"Best Female Friends For Life," Sadie explained. "We do _everything_ together."

"Even the _chicken pox_!" Katie said with a bright smile.

"Oh my gosh that was _so_ fun," Sadie said.

"It was so nice to have someone to scratch all your little scabs!" Katie said.

"I _know_ , right?" Sadie finished.

xxx

"Okay then," Brick told the girls as the static cut away, "you two girls can push the wheelbarrow together." Katie and Sadie squealed and hugged one another. "Since I've conquered all the obstacle courses back at Sergeant Junior Boot Camp, _I'll_ take the wall and Sky," he turned to the athlete, "you've got a great sense of balance so you'll start us off on the logs. Eva's toughness gets her the zipline," he continued as the shot moved to the Iron Woman's harsh stare, "Chester can take the tubes, leaving Dave with the tires," he finished as the camera panned to the two boys, neither looking enthused. "Everybody clear?" Brick asked as the shot cut backward to show the full team.

"Crystal!" Sky declared brightly despite the rest of the team's lack of enthusiasm.

"Then let's _move out_!" Brick ordered, waving for his team to follow as he ran off to the left. Sky and Eva were right behind him, Dave and Katie and Sadie behind them, and Chester following last after groaning in annoyance.

The camera panned away from them to the left to show Team Kinosewak still deciding. "I'm telling you, _I_ should take the wall!" Duncan told his teammates. "I'm a _criminal_ , climbing walls is practically my _duty_!"

"Duty _nothin_ '," Leshawna objected. "We gotta haul a wild boar over that wall too, and I'm not leavin' that to _your_ scrawny behind."

"Oh, so you think you're _stronger_ than me?" Duncan asked, the camera cutting to a side angle as he and Leshawna got face to face.

"You better believe I do!" Leshawna told him.

"People, people!" Heather interjected, inserting herself between Duncan and Leshawna and pushing them away from one another. "We have to take _all_ of us into account for this, remember?" she told them. "Now here's what _I_ think we should do. Owen starts us off on the logs," the shot cut to her popping up next to the boy in question, who smiled at her as she touched his arm. "Then Anne Maria does the zipline," Heather continued, walking over to the Jersey girl.

"Uhh, why _me_ exactly?" Anne Maria asked in irritation.

"Would you rather risk falling into _water_ , or _grease_?" Heather replied with a sharp smirk.

"Okay, good point," Anne Maria conceded.

Heather nodded, then moved back to Duncan and Leshawna. "Our bad boy can practice his sewer escape skills in the tubes," she told him, earning a raised eyebrow as she put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll take the tires as I'm the fastest runner, Leshawna can climb the wall, leaving Rodney on the wheelbarrow. That okay with you, big guy?" she asked the country boy, the camera zooming in as she smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelashes.

The shot cut to Rodney, a dopey smile forming on his face as the air around him took on a pinkish glow. "Pleasure it is _mine_...boar _truth_ to push..." he mumbled dreamily.

"Okay teams!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker, causing Rodney and Anne Maria to look up. "Take your places!"

"You heard the man," Heather said brightly as she led her team to the right, "let's go do this thing!"

/

"Rrready?" Chris asked, him and Chef now sitting in the lawn chairs by the television. A deep note began a slow but intense challenge tune, a boar squealing deeply as the camera panned over to the starting line. Sky and Owen were standing with leashes in hand, the big guy holding the calmer pink boar while the small girl struggled with the angry brown one. "Set!" Chris called out next before blowing his airhorn.

The brown boar quickly pulled itself free of Sky's grasp. "Wwwwhoa, hey!" the athlete said as she chased after it, first to the right and then back around to the left. "Get back here!"

Owen and his boar watched them blankly for a second before Owen laughed. "Alright, Mr. Pig, let's go," he said, tugging on the leash.

The giant pig simply sat down with a stubborn squeal, and Owen's laughter became awkward. "C'mon, Mr. Pig," he told it, walking ahead of it with leash in hand. "We gotta," he grunted as he started dragging the boar along, its hooves digging into the dirt, " _move_!"

A few more deep, dramatic notes played as he stopped pulling and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Okay, this isn't gonna work...," he told the boar.

/

The footage flashed ahead to the greased logs, and the sound of Owen's renewed laughter preceded his appearance at the left. He was, appropriately, carrying his boar piggyback style, and with an excited grin he stepped foot on the slope up to the main balance beam.

He promptly slipped on the grease and fell face-first onto the slope, the boar squealing in fright on his back.

/

Another flash took the scene to the cliff at the bottom of the zipline, where Duncan waited with Chester.

"Hmmm...," the punk said, rubbing his chin and giving the elderly alter a narrow-eyed look of suspicion. "Dude, do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar..."

"Gahh, I should _hope_ not...," Chester replied in annoyance. "I'm not a _hooligan_ like _you_ are. Honestly, the very _idea_ of us knowing each other is an _insult_ I tell ya!"

Duncan gave him a slight side-eyed glance as he looked back towards the cliff. "I'll say...," he muttered in agreement.

xxx

"I don't know," the delinquent admitted, rubbing the back of his neck in the outhouse. "Annoying _dork_ though he is, I just can't shake this feeling that we've met somewhere before..."

xxx

The scene moved to the edge of the large field of grease the wheelbarrow race was to be held at, where Rodney was looking with an awkward sort of boredom off to the left. A calm tune played as the camera moved to the right onto Katie and Sadie, the girls hunched together with smiles on their faces.

"Okay, he's not, like, a _super_ hunk," Katie whispered to her friend, "but he _is_ still pretty cute."

"Totally," Sadie said. "He looks like...a big giant _teddy bear_. I wanna give him a hug and let him hold me..."

"Oh, me too!" Katie chimed in, and the two girls giggled.

The camera focused back on Rodney as he turned towards his giggling opponents and raised an eyebrow. "Uh, is something wrong?" he asked awkwardly.

Katie and Sadie just giggled more. "No!" they answered together.

"Hey, Rodney, how do you think we look today?" the thin one asked, provoking a gasp of shock from her friend.

"Katie, you can't _ask_ that!" Sadie hissed at her friend in mild panic. "He's not on our team!"

"So?" Katie replied. "That doesn't mean we can't, like, make our move. Besides, we gotta figure out who he likes more so we don't get in an argument like with Brad Michaels in 6th grade, remember?"

"I guess...," Sadie said hesitantly.

Katie stood up and turned back to the confused and silent country boy. "So, who do you think is prettier, me or Sadie?" she quickly asked him.

"Uh, wha?" Rodney asked in confusion as Sadie gasped again.

xxx

"How do I even answer that?" Rodney asked the camera. "I don't wanna sound _mean_ , but I also don't want _Heather_ to think I'm interested in another girl."

xxx

"Uhhh...," Rodney said blankly before the focus moved back solely onto Katie and Sadie.

"Don't worry, we can totally take the answer," Katie said with an eager smile while Sadie looked at her in shock. " _Especially_ Sadie."

Sadie gasped. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" she asked her BFFFL.

"Well, you're like more used to rejection since boys usually think _I'm_ the prettier one," Katie said with a blunt matter-of-factness.

"They do not!" Sadie objected, a few more deep notes playing as Rodney looked at them awkwardly.

/

A flash finally took the scene back to the greased logs as Owen hauled himself up to the main balance beam on his belly. "Come on, easy does it," he told himself, his boar still perched on his back as the challenge music ramped up again.

The camera panned to the left as Team Maskwak's boar reached the sloped log nearer to the camera. "Whooa, wait up piggie!" Sky cried out, running up behind the boar and catching it by the butt as it slid back down the greased slope. "Get...up...there!" she grunted as she tried and failed to push the pig onward, and the camera cut in for a close-up just as the boar farted in her face. She stuck her tongue out and groaned in disgust.

"Come on, Sky, you got this!" Eva shouted, the camera cutting to the start of the second leg. She and Anne Maria were standing by open packs, the Jersey girl taking a harness and helmet out of hers with a wary look. "Just hurry up and put a little more _muscle_ into it! Show that pig who's boss!"

The shot cut back to Sky's close-up as she smirked, then with another strained grunt pushed against the boar's bottom again. She finally managed to shove it up the slope, and the camera followed as it slid past a startled Owen.

Sky leaped into the air from where she was standing at the start of the obstacle, landed on the back of the boar, and followed it the rest of the way along the main log. Then, once the slope back down was in sight, she leaped up again and the camera showed her somersaulting against the bright sun. She landed at the far side just after the pig slid down onto the grass, leaving a trail of grease behind it as it continued all the way to Eva.

"YEAH!" the Iron Woman roared, startling the pig. Already wearing all her gear, she easily picked up the boar by the collar with one hand. "Let's do this!" she added, running off to the right while a shocked and helmetless Anne Maria watched.

A cut back to Owen showed him still on his belly, his eyes now wide. "Oh crap, I gotta kick this up a gear!" he said before pushing himself back an inch, extending his arms then launching himself forward along the log.

"WOOHOO! YEAH!" he shouted excitedly, the camera moving in front to show him rocketing down the greased log with a squealing pig on his back. "WOOOO~!" he added almost lyrically, the shot moving back to the side as he flew off the end of the main log. The camera followed him through the air a few more feet before he hit the ground with a bellyflop, grunted in pain, then slid another foot or so to Anne Maria. " _That_ was _awesome_!" he told her with an enthusiastic laugh.

"What are you, crazy or somethin'?" the Jersey girl asked in disbelief, her helmet now perched gingerly atop her large pouf.

Owen just laughed and held out the boar's leash, which Anne Maria swiped with an irritated groan.

/

The shot cut to Eva running along holding the boar butt-forward over her left shoulder with a single arm. It squealed and squirmed, causing the brutish girl to squeeze it tighter "Hey! What did I tell you?" she asked it sternly, the camera moving her her close-up to its. "If your _struggling_ makes us lose, then we're having pork chops tonight, _got it_?" The boar whimpered in fear.

"Good," Eva grunted, the camera pulling back to show her reaching the start of the zipline. She heaved the boar off her shoulder, and a close-up followed of her hooking onto the zipline. She was shown running off the cliff wordlessly, the boar now slung across her back as they slid along with ease.

The pink boar arrived moments later, dragging Anne Maria along with it. "I said _stop_ already!" she told it, digging in her heels and forcing them both to stop before the panicked swine ran off the cliff.

"Stupid _challenges_ ," she grumbled over a close-up of her hooking herself to the zipline. "Why'd I let myself get suckered into this part, anyway? I'm practically gonna get _helmet hair_!" she complained as she ran and jumped off the cliff, forcibly dragging the boar along behind her as she slid down the zipline.

The challenge music picked up slightly as Eva and her boar were shown sliding again, Anne Maria shortly behind her with the second boar dangling below by the leash. "I'm comin' for you, ya unibrow-havin' _freak_!" the Jersey girl shouted.

"Oh yeah?" Eva retorted. " _Bring it_ , Spray Tan!"

"Don't you _dare_ diss the tan!" Anne Maria yelled back angrily.

/

The scene moved to Chris and Chef, watching the live feed of the challenge and laughing. " _Man_ I love this challenge!" the host said.

"Even without anyone fallin'?" Chef asked.

"Surprisingly, yeah," Chris admitted. "What can I say?" he shrugged. "Grease just makes things funnier."

/

"Get ready to catch!" Eva shouted, the shot quickly cutting from her to Duncan and Chester at the end of the zipline.

"What?" Chester asked in confusion. "What are you talking abou-" he added as his teammate slid down, landed, then used the momentum to throw their boar at him. "Oof!" he cried as it slammed into his chest, knocking him off-screen to Duncan's shock.

The shot cut to the pig sitting awkwardly on top of him with its head up his shirts. It managed to flip itself forward onto its back, and in doing so lifted Chester's shirts up over his head. The camera cut in closer as the sound of a sharp inhale came from within, and a hard rock theme began to play.

"Ey yo, who turned off the lights?" the boy asked in a younger, deeper voice than Chester's, with a noticeable Jersey accent. "An' why's it smell like bacon?"

The boar finally freed itself from his shirts, allowing the boy to stand back up – and take off his shirts entirely, revealing the slicked-back hair and lazy yet arrogant look he was now sporting, as well as the short-stringed gold medallion around his neck. "Yo, what's goin' on around here?" he asked in confusion as he looked between the boar's leash in his left hand and the shirts in his right.

"Dude, are you alright?" Duncan asked with a bewildered expression as he walked over, causing the new alter to raise an eyebrow at him.

"He _better_ be," Eva said with a gruff impatience as she joined him. "It was just a stupid _boar_."

"Umm, hello? Over here!" came the irritated voice of Anne Maria, the camera panning back to the left to show her being dragged over by Team Kinosewak's boar, the helmet no longer on her hair. "You gonna take this from me ya little punk," she asked Duncan, "or are ya gonna-" The camera moved behind her as she spoke, showing only Eva and Duncan looking at her until she leaned to the side and noticed the other boy smirking at her.

"Oh _my_..." she said, a delighted smile forming on her face as the camera moved back in front of her.

/

A pause sign appeared over the Jersey girl's face as the footage stopped, and the camera cut to the side to show Chris with his remote still in his hand. "Well _this_ is an interesting development!" he said, looking from the widescreen TV to the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "What's up with Mike? And _what_ will it mean for Team Maskwak? It's neck and neck and about to get _tubular_. Who's got the pork chops to win? Find out right here, on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with a long-distance shot of the island and the squealing of a pig, the scene soon cutting back to the start of the third leg to show the new alter of Mikes holding the leash of Team Maskwak's boar with one hand, and flexing for Anne Maria with the other.

"Wow...," the Jersey girl gushed in delight as the hard rock theme played again. "That's what I'm _talkin_ ' 'bout."

"Don't you know it," the new guy said with a cocky smirk, and without taking his eyes off her he yanked on the leash to pull his pig back into sitting position as it tried to stand up.

"Uh, yeah, I'm just gonna go on ahead while you two get a _room_ ," Duncan said, passing by the Jersey pair with Team Kinosewak's boar walking ahead of him.

"Yeah yeah yeah, do whateva," Anne Maria said absentmindedly, shooing her teammate away while she gazed at the flexing, grinning new guy. Duncan ran off, and the camera panned leftward a little ways as Eva stormed over to her teammate.

"Hey Chester, get moving already!" she yelled at him.

" _Chester_?" The Tough Guy said in annoyed disbelief. "The name's _Vito_ , and I ain't goin' _nowhere_."

"Yes you _are_ ," Eva growled, grabbing Vito by the arm.

Vito pulled it away with a look of disgust. "Ey yo pastie, you wanna touch the _Vito_ you gotta make an appointment," he told her, briefly winking at Anne Maria making her hold her face and look away bashfully.

A sharp note played as Vito was suddenly pulled away by Eva, the brutish girl grabbing him by the arm and wrapping the boar's leash around his wrists. "Appoint _this_!" she told the stunned boy harshly, lifting him over her head.

"Whoa, hold on a minute!" the tough guy protested before Eva threw him with all her might.

The challenge music ramped up again as the shot cut back to Duncan running with Team Kinosewak's boar. Just as the greasy tubes came into view a loud cry got his attention, and a close-up showed him pausing to look back over his shoulder.

Vito slammed into him seconds later, knocking the punk to the ground and continuing past until he landed in front of the Salmons' pig. Maskwak's pig flew over its current master moments later, landing on its feet and taking off at a squealing, terrified run into the greased tubes dragging the dazed Vito along behind it.

"Crap, there goes my lead!" Duncan said, picking himself up off the ground and noticing that his boar was sitting on the ground looking confused. " _Move it_ , Porky!" he shouted at it, causing it to squeal in fear and run off, pulling Duncan off his feet with a startled cry and dragging the punk into the tubes.

The shot cut outward to show the entire maze of pipes, banging and squealing and shouts of pain coming from within them. "I was worried about cruelty to animals during this challenge," Chris said, the camera pulling back and away from the live feed to show Chris and Chef still lounging by the television. "But I'm fine with cruelty to Duncan and Mike...or Vito...or _whoever_ he is."

Chef smiled and nodded in agreement.

/

"Come _on_ , Chester!" Dave urged as the shot cut to him and Heather waiting at the other end of the banging pipes.

"Hurry it up, Duncan!" Heather added impatiently as the banging got louder.

The brown boar ran out with a squeal, dragging a grease-covered Vito along behind it. It skidded to a stop in front of Dave and Heather, both recoiling in disgust, then looked back at the dazed tough guy as he stood up with a groan. "Jeez, that was like gettin' dragged through the _sewer_ a couple years ago," he commented as he untied his hands, then wiped some of the thick, congealed grease off his chest. "Muscle Girl's gonna get a piece of my mind," he said with a determined frown and he turned to walk back.

"Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute Chester," Dave interrupted, earning a raised eyebrow and a scowl as Vito turned back around, "we got a challenge to do, remember?"

"I already said, I ain't Chester I'm _Vito_ ," the tough guy said sharply. "And I got _better_ things to do," he added before turning back to the left.

"Uh, okay," Dave said in confusion as the shot cut to his close-up, "but could you at least give me the pig first?"

"Huh?" Vito replied as the shot cut back to him. He looked down at the leash he was holding, and said "Oh, yeah, knock yourself out, Pipsqueak."

He held out the leash, and the music trilled tensely as the camera cut in closer and panned down along its greasy length. Dave shuddered.

xxx

"I'll be fine!" Dave told the outhouse camera, clenching his fists tightly. "I mean, nobody said it was dirty, _germy_ , grease, right?" he said with forced hope.

"I forgot to mention," Chris announced over the camp loudspeakers, "that today's grease is brought to you from the grease trap of Chef's restaurant!"

Dave groaned in disgust.

xxx

"Yo, earth to nerdling," Vito said as the shot cut back to him holding out the leash to Dave, their team's boar sitting between them. "You want the pig or what?"

"...eww...eww... _eww_!" Dave said in disgust as he quickly grabbed the leash and ran back to the right, the pig soon running ahead of him.

" _Freaks_...," Heather muttered, hands on her hips in annoyance as the camera followed Dave past her.

/

A flash took the scene to the start of the tire field, tense challenge music beginning once more as Dave looked warily at the greasy mess that lay before him. He gulped as the boar tugged at its leash impatiently.

"Okay, you can do this," he told himself. "Sure, it's dirty, _germy_ grease, but that's what you have shoes for, right?" The pig squealed and tugged harder at its leash, pulling Dave off-balance. "Whoa-oa-oa!" he said, windmilling his free arm in an attempt to steady himself, then finally took a step onto the first tire.

He breathed a sigh of relief, then started moving along the tires at a quick walk. "Just stay on the tires, and you'll be fine," he told himself as the boar started running, forcing him to move faster to keep up. "Just stay on the tires, and you'll be fine!"

/

"I said hurry _up_ , Duncan!" Heather yelled impatiently as the scene cut back to the end of the greasy tube maze, another rattling finally making its way through. "That stupid nerd's in the _lead_ because of you!"

Her eyes suddenly widened as the crashing reached the end of the pipes, and with a sharp scream she was tackled to the ground by her team's greasy and terrified wild boar. It was still dragging Duncan along behind it, but in addition to the coating of grease the delinquent had also become wrapped up in the leash.

"Eugh! Ick! Eww!" Heather spluttered, the shot cutting closer as she pushed the squealing boar off her and stood up, one hand holding firmly to the leash. "What is your problem?!" she angrily asked her teammate, wiping the grease off her face and onto his.

Duncan groaned in pain. "Hey, it's not _my_ fault the stupid pig decided to take the longest route through the pipes," he said. "Now help untie me," he told her, the camera pulling back to show her standing over him with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. "The sooner this leash is free, the sooner _you_ can catch up to the dork."

"Uggh, fine," Heather said in irritation, bending down and helping the punk to his feet.

"Ooh, looks like the teams aren't tied up, but _Duncan_ sure is!" Chris jokingly cringed over the camp loudspeaker. Heather huffed and rolled her eyes, then with a mighty yank sent Duncan spinning.

"Yes!" she said once the leash became fully unraveled, immediately tugging it to get the loitering boar's attention. "Let's _go_!" she shouted as she ran off with it, leaving behind a woozy and wobbling Duncan.

/

A light chanting began as the scene moved back to Chris and Chef. "And with only _two_ oop-stacles left," the host told the camera, "the Kinosewak are starting to catch up to the Maskwak!" A piercing shriek came from the nearby television, prompting the two men to look over and chuckle. "Speaking of..." Chris said as the camera panned over to the widescreen and zoom-cut to the footage it was showing.

"Oh God, I'm _touching it_!" Dave wailed, the shot moving from a close-up of his foot wedged between two tires to his arm sticking down through one. The camera pulled back as he scrambled back up from the tires he was lying on near the end of the oop-stacle, holding the leash loosely as he stared in horror at his grease-covered hand and the boar stared confusedly at him.

A bout of laughter drew the camera's attention back to the left to show Heather and her boar running swiftly along the tires near the start of the leg. "What's the matter, can't handle it?" she taunted

"C'mon, Dave, you can do it!" Sadie called out encouragingly as the shot cut to her, Katie, and Rodney.

Katie gasped and looked at her friend. "Sadie, don't say that to him while he's, like, freaking out!" she scolded.

"Well, how _else_ am I supposed to calm him down?" Sadie replied snippily as the camera focused in on the two girls.

"How should _I_ know?" Katie replied. "I've never had to calm someone down in my _life_!"

Sadie huffed, crossed her arms, and looked away. " _That's_ for sure. You weren't exactly any _help_ when I scraped my knee when we were learning to ride bikes," she told her friend.

"For the last time, I _totally_ didn't realize it hurt so bad!" Katie said.

"Uhh, girls?" came the panicked yet bewildered voice of Dave from off-screen.

"I was _screaming_ my _head off_!" Sadie told her friend, throwing up her hands.

"Girls?!" Dave repeated from off-screen with a hint of desperation now in his voice.

"You're _always_ like this," Sadie continued unabated, "you _never_ take me seriously!"

"Umm, pot calling the kettle _black_ , much?" Katie replied in offense. "You don't take _me_ seriously, either!"

"GIRLS!" Dave shouted, finally causing the camera to pan onto him as the music cut out and the two girls turned to look at him.

" _What_?" they asked in-sync and in annoyance.

Dave clenched his eyes shut and held out the greasy leash to them. "Would one of you PLEASE take this already so I can go wash myself off?!"

"Oops," Katie said with an embarrassed smile.

"Sorry," Sadie chimed in, taking the leash and giving it a quick tug causing the boar to hop into the wheelbarrow. "This is all _your_ fault, you know," she hissed to her partner as each girl took a handle of the wheelbarrow.

"Is not!" Katie hissed back as the two girls began to walk to the right.

"Is too!" Sadie replied as they left then scene, leaving a bewildered and silent Rodney by himself.

xxx

"What was all _that_ about?" Rodney asked the outhouse camera in confusion.

xxx

The moment the static ended Heather arrived with Team Kinosewak's boar. "Uggh," she grunted in disgust as she looked down over her shoulder, the shot cutting to a close-up of her grease-covered feet. "Stupid tires, I nearly twisted an ankle." She huffed in aggravation, the shot moving back outward as she held the leash out to Rodney. "Take it and get going, you should be able to catch up."

"Yes ma'am!" Rodney said brightly, and rather than take the leash he simply grabbed the wild boar with his two large hands while it was occupied rooting around in the dirt. It squealed as he lifted it into the wheelbarrow, and the intense challenge music finally resumed as Rodney grabbed the handles and took off running.

The camera followed alongside him, briefly cutting to his feet to show them splashing heavily through the grease. He soon passed Katie and Sadie, startling both the girls and their boar.

"Oh my gosh, we gotta hurry!" Katie said as the two gasped and started running. "Run faster, Sadie!"

"I am!" Sadie replied. " _You_ run faster!"

"Umm, _you're_ the slower one!" Katie told her partner. "Don't try to deny it because everyone _totally_ knows already."

Sadie gasped in indignation. "W-well at least I'm _smarter_ than you!"

Katie gasped sharply as she looked at her friend with wide eyes, and the music spiked dramatically as the camera cut to her feet to show her slipping on the grease, then back to her as she fell face-first into the grease.

Sadie immediately stopped and brought her hands to mouth as she gasped. "Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry, are you okay?" she frantically asked her friend.

The music turned tense as the camera quick-panned back to the right, showing Rodney starting to skid to a halt right before the edge of the oop-stacle only to keep sliding for several more yards. He finally stopped a few feet from where Leshawna and Brick were waiting, and with a cry of "Here, take it!" he tossed the leash to his teammate as she hustled over.

"That's right, come to mama lil' piggie," Leshawna said with a smile, catching the leash with her right hand then grabbing the boar's collar with both. It squealed with surprise as she lifted it up under her arm, and started to squirm. "Oh no, you are _not_ leavin' Leshawna's side until you're over that wall," she told it as she ran off.

/

A flash took the scene back to Katie and Sadie, the fat one pulling the skinny one back to her feet. "You're not hurt, are you?" Sadie asked in concern, the camera focusing in on her grease-covered partner.

Katie pursed her lips, swiped some of the thick grease off her front, then threw it at Sadie's face. "There," she laughed, "now we match again!"

The shot cut to Sadie as she paused in surprise, then burst out laughing as well. "I don't know, maybe it could use a little more?" she suggested.

xxx

"Okay, so we _argue_ a lot," Katie said, her and Sadie sitting together grease-free in the confessional. "It's no big deal or anything."

"Yeah, we've just known each other like our _entire_ lives," Sadie added, "so there's been a lot to argue _about_. We always make up quickly."

" _Totally_ ," Katie nodded.

xxx

The music turned tense again as the scene moved to Brick, watching nervously as the remaining five members of Team Kinosewak ran past him. "K-Katie, Sadie, hurry up!" he called out to his own teammates, the shot cutting to show the girls breaking a hug and lowering the feet they'd raised.

"Oh crap!" Sadie swore, quickly grabbing onto her handle of the wheelbarrow again.

"Like, _double_ crap!" Katie chimed in as they began to run again.

The footage immediately skipped ahead to them reaching Brick, the soldier picking the boar up out of the wheelbarrow and running off.

"Oh man, I'm so far behind!" Brick said anxiously, causing the two girls to exchange a worried glance.

/

A flash took the scene to the final oop-stacle, Leshawna currently about halfway up the wall with the boar slung over her shoulder. Her teammates were gathered off to the side, watching excitedly with each step she climbed.

"Woo! You can do it, Leshawna!" Owen cheered.

"You go, girl!" Anne Maria chimed in.

The shot cut in closer to Leshawna as she grunted, trying to find her next foothold only to slip on the grease. "I know, but the grease ain't makin' this easy," she said, finally getting a grip with her foot and pushing herself upward a little more.

"Just keep doing it like that, and I'm sure you'll be fine!" Rodney told her from off-screen as she climbed another couple steps.

The music's tension quickly ramped up as the shot moved to Duncan and Heather, the punk looking to the left and noticing something that made his eyes go wide. "Head's up!" he turned and called out to his teammate. "Soldier Boy's coming!"

"Great..." Heather muttered in annoyance before the camera panned back to Leshawna.

She was breathing heavily as she climbed hand or hand and foot over foot up the wall, but was smiling nonetheless. "Let him come!" she replied, her eyes locked on the top of the wall. "Ain't _nothin_ ' gonna stop me now!"

"You better be right about that," Anne Maria commented, the shot moving back to ground-level as Brick ran past the loitering Salmons.

The camera pulled back as he grabbed the rope on the left half of the wall and started climbing, his boar slung over his shoulder much like Leshawna's. "Sorry, ma'am," he said with a smirk, the shot cutting in for a close-up as he rapidly started climbing, "but I'm afraid you're just no match for my military experience."

Leshawna sniffed dismissively as the camera panned up to her. "Save your 'experience' for when your opponent doesn't have a massive head start," she replied, the camera zooming out again to show both campers nearing the top of the wall with Leshawna in an unquestionable lead. The shot cut to a close-up of the top of the wall from the other side as she hauled herself up onto it with the boar still on her shoulder. She straddled the top for just a second, then grabbed a nearby ladder and slid down as Brick and Team Maskwak's boar poked their heads over the wall.

"This just in," Chris said as the shot cut to him and Chef standing on the far side of the wall with the ladder in view. Leshawna landed on the ground with a smile on her face, and set Team Kinosewak's boar on the ground. " _Soldier_ beat by _sister_! The Pimâpotew Kinosewak _win_!"

"Aww _yeah_ , baby!" Leshawna cheered, her teammates rushing over to join her in celebration as the music turned victorious.

"Huh," Duncan smirked, "guess you ladies really _can_ watch out for yourselves."

Heather sniffed at him in disdain. "Like there was ever any doubt," she told him.

"And tonight's winner's meal is provided by," the host continued as the shot cut to him and his assistant, the hulking man holding a red-and-white cardboard bucket with a chicken drawn on the side. " _Jimmy's Beaks n' Feet_!" he said as a trendy theme started playing, the scene moving to the empty, greasy bucket against an orange-and-reddish background. Floating around the bucket were a pair of disembodied chicken beaks and a pair of similar feet. "Our chickens walk the walk, talk the talk, then, we put 'em in the fryer," Chris said as the chicken parts circled the bucket a few times, then flew into it.

The shot cut back to the normal footage as Chef tossed the bucket of fried chicken parts to the winner, and Chris grinned. "How's _that_ for a greasy experience?" he said in an ultra-close close-up.

A victorious horn was blown as Team Kinosewak ran past the camera, in front of the members of Team Maskwak waiting at the start of the greasy wall. Katie and Sadie and Vito were all still covered in varying amounts of grease, and while most of the team watched sadly as their opponents ran by the tough guy and Eva simply glared at one another.

The attention of all six was diverted as Brick and their team's boar came sliding back down the wall. "Sorry, team," Brick said in disappointment as he set the boar down on the ground.

/

"Alright team, good work out there today," Heather said cheerfully as the scene cut to their barn, slightly less ruined than it had been this morning. The camera panned down to show the Floating Salmons walking single-file back towards it with Leshawna standing proudly in front with the bucket of fried chicken parts they'd won, then cut in close to her as she smiled.

"Heck yeah we did!" she said. "Now let's eat this chicken so we can get to work fixin' that shelter of ours," she added, giving the bucket a pat.

"Sounds good to me," Duncan said, the others chiming in with their agreement.

/

The scene flashed to the Confused Bears' bunker, a dull melody playing as the seven campers trudged towards it.

"I can't believe I got... _greasy_...for _nothing_!" Dave said in shock and horror as he stared at his hands.

"It's _not_ for nothing," Sky told him, walking between him and Brick. "We all tried our best, it just wasn't good enough this time."

The camera panned back past Dave to show Eva snorting in the middle of their group. "Tried our bet my _butt_ ," she said, looking back over her shoulder to glare at Vito, Katie, and Sadie. Though all three were now grease-free, the tough guy was looking a little scuffed and bruised with Mike's shirts slung over his shoulder.

"Ey yo, you lookin' at me?" he challenged Eva.

"Yeah," she grunted, startling the Jersey alter. "Put a shirt on," she told him before looking back forward.

Vito scowled and grunted, but complied all the same. The moment his chest was covered, however, he sharply inhaled and his features returned to those of Mike. "Uhh...," the spiky-haired boy said blankly, "what's going on and why do I feel like I got run through a washing machine?"

All at once the shot cut outward, a few deep notes played in the background, and the rest of Team Maskwak stopped in their tracks and turned incredulous looks to Mike.

"Care to repeat that?" Dave asked him.

"Uhh, heheh," Mikes said, looking around with a nervous, sheepish smile. "Did...I miss something?"

"Is it just me," Katie asked Sadie, "or is something _different_ about him now?"

"Oh, it's totally not just you," Sadie answered with a nod.

The shot cut to Brick as he furrowed his brow and marched over. "C'mon, Vito, you can't _possibly_ tell me you forgot about the challenge already!"

"V-Vito?" Mike murmured, laughing nervously as he backed away slightly...only for Eva to step forward.

"Or how you helped _blow it_ for us?" she told him angrily.

"I...I did?" Mike stammered, putting his hands up between him and Eva.

"Well, you and Katie and Sadie," Dave spoke up, "but still."

"You...really don't remember, do you?" Sky asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

xxx

Mike opened his confessional with a sigh. "Okay, Mike, you can do this," he told himself, closing his eyes and clenching his fists. "You knew you were gonna have to tell them sooner or later. It's better this way."

xxx

"The truth is," Mike told his teammates as they closed around him, his eyes shut and his fists clenched tight. "The truth is...that I have dissociative identity disorder," he said quickly.

A dull note played as the shot cut back outward to show his teammates giving him confused looks. "...multiple personality disorder, basically," he told them, provoking a chorus of understanding ohs and ahs. "Sorry for not telling you guys earlier," he said as a touching tune began to play, "but, well, it's kind of awkward, you know? They can't really be... _controlled_ that well..."

"So...what you're saying is that Svetlana and Chester and Vito are all...separate personalities of yours?" Brick asked, scratching his head.

"Identities," Mike corrected, "but yeah. Sorry for all the trouble they've caused." The others just looked away awkwardly as he smiled sheepishly at them.

"So, umm," Sky said after a moment, "what you're saying is that...you, or Svetlana, I guess... _isn't_ an Olym-"

Mike quickly covered her mouth with an almost panicked look. "Please don't ever finish that thought," he hissed at her, "but...yes, basically." He lowered his hand, and she blinked.

"Okay, I see no problem with that explanation," Sky shrugged, turning around and walking towards their bunker. Dave gave her an incredulous look before following after.

"...really?" Mike asked hopefully, looking around at his teammates as Brick and Eva began to head back to their shelter. "You're...all okay with it?"

"Well, it doesn't sound like something you can really help," Brick paused to tell him.

"As long as I don't have to deal with _Vito_ again I don't give a _crap_ what disorders you have," Eva added gruffly.

"Don't worry, Mike," Katie said as she and Sadie came up on either side of him.

"We understand," Sadie added.

"G-great!" Mike said, utterly elated.

The shot cut outward as Chris' voice suddenly rang through the air. "Waneyihtam Maskwak! Please head for the elimination campfire area!" he announced as the music became tense. "Cannon needs num-num!" he finished with a laugh, the shot cutting to the seven campers exchanging worried and wary looks.

/

The deep, tense opening of the elimination theme began to play as the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the entire island, the moon high overhead once more and the fires of the ceremony glowing over the water from the left-side peninsula.

"Hey, why so glum?" Chris asked, the scene moving to the campfire pit to show all seven members of Team Maskwak already assembled. "You tried your best, and it was horrible. Now," he said, a few deep notes being struck as the camera panned over to him. "Let's see who you all blamed for your collective failure." Chef walked over from the right as he spoke, carrying the tray of marshmallows.

xxx

"Well I _was_ gonna vote out Mike since him having multiple personalities is _really_ weird," Dave told the outhouse camera. "But since Sky is cool with him for some reason I'll be voting for someone _else_ instead."

xxx

"Seeing how I was effectively unconscious during the entire challenge," Mike told the camera next, "I'm kinda stuck trusting that the others were telling the truth about what happened. Normally I'd let Vito vote in my place," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and averting his gaze, "but I _kinda_ don't wanna risk making Eva mad by being the only vote against her."

xxx

"Brick," Chris called out from off-camera as the music trilled ominously, the shot focused on the campers sitting on the left as the cadet caught his marshmallow. "Eva," next was the stunt girl sitting in the front row, "Dave, and Sky. You're safe from elimination." The two sitting next to Brick in the back row caught their marshmallows with wide smiles, leaving Mike – in the front row with Eva, his hands on his knees – to stiffen anxiously.

The camera panned over to the final three campers sitting along the front row. "Which leaves Mike the weirdo," the boy in question scowled, "and Katie and Sadie the bicker twins." The two girls stiffened in fear. "The next marshmallow goes to... _Mike_ ," Chris said, the marshmallow sailing through the air into the hands of it's relieved recipient while the remaining girls clutched each other.

"No, it can't be!" Sadie whimpered.

"Why us?" Katie added. The camera panned back to the left as they looked at their teammates, but all except Eva looked away.

"And the irritating oddball going home _tonight_ is...," Chris said as the music picked up. The shot cut to a close-up of Katie, then to one of Sadie, before zooming out to show them clutching each other in growing panic.

Chris picked up the final marshmallow and smirked. " _Katie_ ," he announced, tossing the treat at Sadie.

It sailed over her head as both girls gasped.

"No! Why _Katie_? Why _her_?" Sadie said as a touching guitar tune began to play.

"It's _so_ unfair," Katie said, breaking the embrace and covering her face with her hands.

"I so can't do this," Sadie said, putting a hand on her best friend's back and looking at the host. "I've never been _anywhere_ without Katie! We have to be together or I'll _totally_ die!"

Katie grabbed her by the shoulders. "Sadie, listen to me," she told her best friend, her voice cracking as the camera moved behind Sadie's head. "You can _do_ this. You are strong and beautiful, and maybe even smarter than me," she admitted, looking away before clasping her hands and smiling again. "And plus, you're like the _funnest_ girl I know. You _have_ to do it for _both_ of us!" The camera moved behind her as she finished, and Sadie began to tear up.

/

The emotional music continued even as the scene skipped ahead to show Katie loaded into the Cannon of Shame, Sadie sobbing on the ground next to it. "I miss you already!" she told her BFFFL.

"I miss you _more_!" Katie replied, tearing up as well.

"No, I miss _you_ more!" Sadie replied.

"Well _I_ don't miss you at all," Chris interrupted with an impish smile, the music scratching to a halt as he pressed the button on his remote, firing Katie into the night.

"Goodbye!" Sadie called out to her screaming friend one last time before dropping to her knees and crying into her hands.

"So far," Chris said as he walked by in front of Sadie, catching the camera's attention as the capstone theme began to play, "we've lost a super villain and whatever the heck Katie counts as. Two key players in a game I never, _ever_ want to play. Who's next in the boom-boom machine? Only time will tell. On Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

The episode's title was just sort of a last-minute thing I decided on, so my apologies if it wasn't as good as the canon one.

More importantly, today we say goodbye to Katie. Nothing against her; during the planning process for the season I did debate whether to get rid of her or Sadie first, but ultimately I decided it would be better to fix canon's mistake of doing nothing with Sadie after leaving her by herself. I kinda wish I'd had more time to just have them together, but I'm afraid time is at a premium this season.

Speaking of time, not only has Vito shown up (and Chester formally named), but Mike's officially revealed his disorder way ahead of the canon schedule. Honestly, I feel like keeping it such a big secret in canon was a mistake; it meant the focus regarding Mike was more on his disorder than on his actual character. By getting the 'big reveal' out of the way early I feel like I can devote more attention to Mike figuring himself out with relatively little stress. Not to mention highlight the actual downsides of the disorder, namely the massive memory gaps it creates for Mike.

Not much else to say about the challenge. The oop-stacle placings were decided basically to give interesting character interactions, both within and between teams. I hope you enjoyed them, and everything else that was set into motion this episode!

Let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next week.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)


	3. Chapter 3 - Doom Balloon Blowout

**Author's Note**

Woo! Sorry for taking so long to get this up, but I hope it was worth the wait. Not much to say right now, so I'll just dive right in to this week's review responses.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thanks.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Is that so? Well, I'd say I'd check your story out but I really don't have time for much of anything right now, so please forgive me. Sorry to disappoint you by eliminating Katie; I don't really ship her with anyone, but it's nice to know that underused characters have their fans.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Pretty much, yeah. Mike really wasn't gonna be in a position to hide it, and I really didn't want to drag out the reveal, so I just went ahead and got it out of the way.

 **Animation Adventures:** Mmm, yeah, well, I certainly hope that I'm able to give Sadie the development she so richly deserves, especially since people are expecting it from me. Anyway, thanks for the compliments regarding Owen; it's another sort of goal of mine to make him (and to a lesser extent Sadie) more than just, like, walking fat jokes you know? Owen especially has way more depth than that, and I'm glad I've been able to bring some of that out so with the fishing and such. Mike and Duncan are definitely a pair I gotta keep an eye on, and for multiple reasons. Keeping them on separate teams was definitely the right decision, since it allowed me to keep Duncan from getting too suspicious too quickly while Mike's other details were being revealed. And then for the episode title this week...well, it's different, but it's not exactly amazing.

 **JockJuggy:** That so? Well, I personally don't dislike the duo, but I can see why people wouldn't like them. And yeah, the early reveal with Mike was...well, necessary, and like you've guessed it will have consequences. The Sky-Brick rivalry was something I had kind of wanted to get to in the first episode but didn't have time to; but they're both fairly agreeable people even with their competitive streaks so I don't think it's too much of a problem. Other than that...well, I hope you enjoy the rest of the season.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** I can kinda see where you're coming from with not liking Sadie's voice, but it's honestly not something that bothers me personally. Sadie just presents a bigger opportunity to me, so I kept her around. You've got that bit of Dave's character spot on; it's something that was pretty obvious in canon but since the 'weirdos' around him were mostly all meant to be unsympathetic it didn't really stand out as much. Anyway, interesting predictions as always, and I'm glad you're liking Eva. I hope you enjoy this week's episode!

 **bruno14:** Thanks, I'm glad to hear it! I'm happy you're liking how things are going so far with Mike, not to mention the others. I hope you like what happens next!

 **SideshowJazz1:** Yeah, you're basically right. There's only so much you can do with Katie and Sadie together, so an early boot of one of them is for the best. I hope I don't disappoint you with whatever I end up doing with Sadie. Not much to say about the Anne Maria/Vito thing other than...well, it'll be dealt with. And as for Rodney, I actually have kind of a soft spot for the guy. He's got a lot of potential that never got explored in canon.

 **Commander Liv:** Hmm, well, I suppose you'll just have to read on and find out! :)

 **Derick Lindsey:** Yeah, it's safe to say that Sadie not gonna be left on the wayside with me. And, err, I really don't like what you said about Team Maskwak putting Mike 'to use'. He's a person with a largely debilitating mental disorder, not a tool with different modes. Owen I've been trying to keep more to his TDI persona, though I am trying to keep all his best traits in mind. And...I actually didn't even realize how hilariously unbalanced the canon eliminations were this season; I guess Kinosewak sucked more than I though.

 **Atom king:** The early revelation of Mike's big secret...well, it's certain to say it's not something that can be ignored. I hope you like what comes of it this season.

 **MaximusTheMad:** Well, I think you're probably giving me way too much credit, but I will try my best with Sadie. Mike's secret not dominating his subplot is exactly why I got it out of the way so early; I don't want it to be the focus of his character. As for Mal...well, I won't say what I plan to do on that front, but I really don't think he would ever work with Heather even if he did care about winning the season. They'd only see each other as their greatest threats, and gun for one another from the start. Other than that, thanks for the confidence regarding my ability to write the pairings. Whether the couples are straight or gay or anything else, what matters most is the chemistry and compatibility between all involved. And I think I've got a good handle on that.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Yeah, pretty decent analysis of the cast so far. And like I've been saying, I've been playing Dave as close to canon as I can given the cast. He was always agreeing with whatever Sky said there just like in here. And yeah, Mike was not written well in canon like at all.

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Exactly! Reducing Owen to a walking fart/big-eater joke is just hugely insulting. He's a goofball, but one with a lot of stories to tell like you said. And yeah, the elimination was definitely obvious, but it's a necessary thing some time. I'm definitely gonna do my best to develop Sadie well. As for Mike...well, yeah, him revealing himself and being accepted is just...something I felt was pretty important. And you've definitely got a point about Dave; it was way easier to sympathize with him the first time we saw him - now that we know what he's like, we can better see the warning signs. It's just a shame that people can't always see them at first in real life... Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

 **ashDanLand:** Well, I'm glad you liked it! Interesting thoughts about the others, and I hope you like what happens next.

 **PhantomlordJ:** True, but then Sadie went on to do absolutely nothing, which was more important to me to fix. And yeah, the tiny changes at the start, like with Mike revealing his DID early, are definitely gonna grow and grow as time goes on.

 **DSX62415:** Yeah, that's what I plan on doing...once TSPI is done, anyway. I'm glad you liked last week's episode, and I hope you like this one as well.

 **Knifez:** Since I already addressed the majority of your review in a PM (which you haven't yet replied to, not that I want to rush you into doing something) I'll just skip that part and say that I'm glad you're liking what I'm doing with Mike. DID, as I understand it, isn't something that should be made light of; it's less a grab-bag of special powers and more...a lot of blank spots in your memory and problems you never expected. Maybe the alters can do shit that you can't, like with Mike, but that doesn't mean it's gonna be a reliable thing. Anyway...I hope you keep enjoying the series, regardless of what happens.

 **graveexcitement:** Hah, I really have a lot to live up to with Sadie. As for Duncan...well, he's definitely an interesting character. Lots of good stuff, and lots of flaws. I do like his friendship with Owen. Actually, I like most people's friendships with Owen; I've just enjoyed writing Owen this season. Not much else to say; I'm glad you're liking what I'm doing with Mike and Owen and I hope you enjoy the rest of the season.

 **Joel Connell:** Thanks! I...well, I certainly do have some ideas for that particular episode, but those'll be revealed when the time is right. Once the Shuffled series is over and I've gotten my life in order enough to return to fanfiction more, I do plan on writing some more stuff for the Shuffledverse. Maybe not a full-out epilogue, but definitely some supplementary material. Maybe if the real series does get cancelled an epilogue will be in the making for Shuffled...but there's still a lot I can do with these characters so it wouldn't be for quite awhile.

 **Star Saber21:** Yup! But honestly, I do think that showing a positive reaction to this sort of thing is important. I don't really know much about most of my readers, but I like to think a story where someone is accepted after disclosing their mental illness is something that will make some people feel better about themselves.

 **CVluvFoxy:** That so? Yeah, I'm not surprised that most fics choose to develop Katie more than Sadie, perhaps because Katie is more conventionally attractive and thus shippable. And honestly, I'm pretty happy I got to have them interest with Rodney; for a long time they were on the same team as him simply because I thought it was a goldmine for interactions but once I swapped the teams around I was worried I wouldn't get to do anything with the three.

 **I. M. Poik:** Thanks! Personally I have a bit of a soft spot for Rodney; he's got a lot of potential and is just the right sort of goofy for me. But hey, I'm glad you're liking the others at least, and I hope you continue liking them as the season goes on.

 **Klimmatt:** Always nice to hear from new reviewers, and I'm super happy that you loving this season so far. All I can hope is to not let you and all of my other wonderful readers down.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Honestly, I think Katie tends to get more focus in fics because she's more conventionally attractive. I don't really ship her (or Sadie) with much of anyone, nor do I like especially like them as villains. So since Sadie's underused and has some time to make up for in canon, she gets top billing over Katie this time. I'm glad you enjoyed the oop-stacle placements that I planned out, as well as Dave's reaction to getting forcibly woken up. Despite not being a fan of him, I will admit that it's really easy to get his 'voice' right in my head, and as such write him in the story.

 **Frostmourne Hungers:** Yeah, Max may be humorous but that's not exactly in short supply this season. And yeah, Dave's creepiness was never really portrayed as such initially; he was meant to be sympathetic and to an extent I can even sympathize with him falling in love hard and not really being able to handle it too well. But we know how far he went in canon, so seeing him get on the same path in this series just...makes it all the more eerie. And yeah, lol, I guess our review-reply discussion are...well, just that. But considering the length and depth of your reviews it's hard for them not to.  
Hah, I'm glad you liked the last-second title I came up with last week. This one's is...fitting, but not amazing I think. And that's like _exactly_ what I'm going for with Rodney! I know some people find him annoying, but I can kinda relate to his quirk, and honestly he just strikes me as a big lovable guy who's just in way over his head. He just needs the right writer and the right interactions to bring it out, and I think I've got him down well. Owen's just plain fun to write; there's way more to him than just the usual slew of fart and fat jokes and I'm really happy that I've been able to show off some of his other sides - and what he might notice because of them. Heather's fun to write as well simply because she's just such a great villain. As for Duncan...well, I hope I can make him enjoyable and in-character regardless of the route I go with him.  
And as for the possibility of Eva/Sky...well, I'm gonna keep quiet on that front as well. Dave, meanwhile, does have his humorous moments and like you said him being sort of an unusual antagonist is...well, it's an idea worth thinking about, at least. I'm actually really happy with how I've been writing Mike so far; not having Zoey around has given me a lot of leeway, I think. Like you said he can't necessarily 'become himself' too easily, though like with the first chapter that doesn't mean he wants to avoid it entirely. Manitoba is someone Mike knows would be helpful in this situation, and the whole hat trigger means Mike can actually have a little more control over when he comes out, especially when compared to Chester and Svetlana. As for the title for the replacement for 'Scarlett Fever'...well, it's nice and all, but I've pretty much already decided to rename that episode 'Journey to the Center of Pahkitew'. Or something like that, anyway.  
And regarding the BFFFLs...well, I'm gonna do my best to develop Sadie as well as I've developed others. Incidentally, the vote last time was a 3-2-2 split I think, with probably...Sky, Brick, and Mike voting for Katie? Probably because of a perception that she started the argument that distracted them.  
But yeah, I hope you keep on liking the season.

 **link9753:** Hmm, yes, there's definitely a lot for me to keep in mind in the coming chapters, and Sadie's development is a part of that (as are the romances I have planned). Dave...well, he's being Dave like always I feel, it's just that more people are aware of exactly what that means now. As for what's gonna replace Scarlett Fever...well, all I can say is that I have my plans, and I'm also listening to people's expectations. What ultimately comes of it will have to wait to be seen.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Ah, good to see you've gotten back on track with this series. Yeah, this is gonna be the gayest season of Shuffled yet, and I just hope it's as amazing as that sounds to me. And yeah, Sky and Dave will never become a thing in my stories, so don't worry. And I'm already really happy with how I've portrayed Mike and Owen simply because of all the responses like yours; I can only hope I can do the same with Sadie.

 **FOWLKON:** Yeah, I'm pretty sad that I had to cut Katie, but the truth is there's already a bunch of underused characters as well as some others that are too good to let go so soon; something had to give. I can only hope that Total Drama gets renewed for a few more seasons with the existing characters. But hey, like you said, there's still plenty of possibilities left to explore in the current plot, with Mike and Rodney and Sadie and all the others.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Lol don't worry, I was pretty much unable to work on getting this chapter out due to the TDWF RP today. And yeah, Sadie...is definitely someone I have a lot to live up for with. The pressure's on, but I'm gonna have confidence in myself. Other than that, good assessment of the cast so far at least in terms of their roles. And you have a good point about the other girls; Eva's naturally quiet so she doesn't stand out so much, and Leshawna being basically the most level-headed member of Kinosewak means she's not particularly flashy either. And as for Anne Maria...well, I guess that's more on me than anything else since she's usually a pretty over-the-top character. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this week's episode!

And that's that for this week. As most of you assuredly know by this point, **a TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

The teams are currently as follows:

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Dave, Mike, Sadie, Sky

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Anne Maria, Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Owen, Rodney

There's, well, there's gonna be a lot of balloons flying around this week, not much else to say. I hope you all enjoy it.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 3 – Doom Balloon Blowout**

"Last time, on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris said, launching straight into the recap montage with a clip of Sky and Owen at the starting line of the previous challenge, the athlete quickly losing hold of her boar and chasing after it. "The teams ran a super-slippery race," Owen was shown slipping and falling as he tried to climb up the greased logs, then Eva and Anne Maria each lifting up their team's boar as they went down the zipline, "while holding some _very rare_ pork!"

"Katie and Sadie proved how strong their friendship was by immediately getting into an argument that nobody cared about," the host said as the BFFFLs were shown arguing over Rodney, "and then making up again just as quickly," he added as the grease-covered girls hugged. "And because Leshawna won it for the Pimâpotew Kinosewak," the end of the challenge was shown in the next challenge, "Waneyihtam Maskwak had to send Katie home," he finished over Katie and Sadie's tearful goodbye.

The montage ended there, the scene flashing to the smiling host standing by a TV that showed the final shot of Katie blasting off. "Today's challenge is treacherous, deadly," Chris told the camera, "and unless you're doing it, _hilarious_!" He laughed. "Who will survive to play another day? And who will be sent home via Giant Cannon Airlines?" He pointed a thumb at the television, still displaying the Cannon of Shame. "Find out right here, right now, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a lilting tune as the scene faded into a close-up of Heather sleeping peacefully on her side under an old and tattered blanket.

Then the steady pounding of a hammer rose up, jilting the music and causing the Queen Bee to scrunch her face up in aggravation. She scrunched it up more and more with each beat until finally her eyes popped open into an angry glare.

The shot pulled back to show the short and crudely-built bed she was using, which sat under a low, sloped ceiling in the corner next to large curtained window. With an irritated huff she got up out of bed, already clothed save her shoes, then walked over to the crate sitting just under the window and picked up the hand mirror on top of it. After a few seconds of adjusting her hair, she threw open the curtain.

"What's going on out there?" Heather asked harshly as the scene moved outside, showing her looking out the front window of Team Kinosewak's rebuilt barn.

The pounding stopped as the camera panned down to ground level revealing a line of metal plates and wooden spikes jutting out of the bottom of the building, and Rodney in the middle of pounding on another right next to the wide, half-opened wooden door. "Oh, sorry Heather," he looked up and told her sheepishly. "I just wanted to add a few more defenses, you know, so a herd of moose doesn't come by and destroy the barn again. I didn't mean to wake you up."

Heather stared at him for a second, then let out an annoyed breath. "It's fine, I should probably be getting up anyway."

"Hah! That's for sure," Leshawna said as she walked past Rodney from the left carrying a bundle of sticks. "We _all_ gotta pitch in, remember?"

The shot cut back to Heather's close-up as she briefly scowled, then took a breath and forced a smile. "I remember. I'll just wake up Anne Maria and come down to help you two out."

After she disappeared from the front window the scene moved back inside, the camera now filming from where Heather's bed was. It followed her as she walked back to the right along another crude bed, then grabbed the old blanket covering the person-sized lump on it and yanked the blanket away without ceremony. "Wake _up_ ," she said sharply to Anne Maria, who was lying on the bed.

"Uggh, what's your problem," the Jersey girl grumbled as she stirred awake, "I'm tryin' to sleep here!"

"And now you're not," Heather replied. "Now get up. We have, like, _chores_ to do."

Anne Maria groaned again as she sat up. " _Fine_ ," she said, the shot cutting in to a close-up of her tired and grumpy face. "I swear, this place is gonna be the end of me," she said, the camera cutting back outward as she got up and pulled her can of hairspray from her pouf. "Chris better start givin' us some products or somethin'."

"Hey, I don't wanna be seen on international TV without make-up _either_ ," Heather told her, walking away to the right. "But for a million dollars, I'm willing to put up with it."

"Yeah, cause you know _you_ don't look any different...," Anne Maria muttered to herself irritably.

"What was that?" Heather asked sharply, the camera moving behind the Jersey girl to show the rest of the room – a third bed along the windowless back wall; a few scattered crates and barrels; and a hole in the middle of it where the top of a ladder rested.

"Nothin'," Anne Maria replied with a forced smile, the perspective shifting to the side to show both girls looking at one another. After a few seconds Heather climbed down out of sight, and Anne Maria sagged in annoyance.

xxx

"Look, I ain't gonna waste time startin' fights," Anne Maria confessed, one hand spraying her hair while the other held up the hand mirror. "I got _way_ more important stuff to worry about right now than showin' Heather who's boss."

She paused, and gave her mirror a worried look.

xxx

The scene moved outside the barn just as Heather walked out of it. "Glad of you to join us," Leshawna commented as the camera followed the Queen Bee to the right a few feet to a small campfire that Leshawna and Rodney were sitting around.

"C'mon, Leshawna, she can't help it if she's not used to waking up early yet," Rodney said.

"Thank you, Rodney," Heather said, giving the hulking boy a sweet smile as she sat down beside him. A quick, lilting tune played over a close-up of Rodney's smile becoming dopey.

Leshawna sniffed in disbelief. "I'm adjustin' just _fine_ , is all I'm sayin'," she muttered to herself.

Heather sent a quick and unnoticed glare her way before hugging her knees and looking back at Rodney. "So, Duncan and Owen are still out getting food, I take it?"

"Almost, Sweet Cheeks," came the almost lewd voice of the delinquent, his teammates looking up and to the right before the camera panned over to him and Owen emerging from the woods. "But you got the 'still' part wrong."

"I am _man_!" Owen boomed in a deep and manly voice, holding up a string loaded with several fish. "I bring fish!"

"And not for nothin'," Duncan added, holding up a bucket and a small cloth sack, "but I got us some fresh water and some berries, too. All by myself," he said proudly.

Owen looked at him in confusion. "But what about-" he whispered before Duncan scowled and elbowed him in the stomach.

"Just check it out," the punk told his other teammates, letting the sack fall open enough to show the mass of berries within.

Rodney whistled as he and the two girls perked up excitedly. "Good job, boys," Leshawna said. "Now bring those fish over here and put 'em on Leshawna's fire," she added, motioning to the fire they were sitting at.

"Wow, after yesterday I was kinda doubting you, Owen," Heather admitted as the boys walked over.

"Hey, I _told_ you I knew how to fish," the fat boy said almost jovially as he and Duncan sat down and started skewering the fish on sticks. "I just had to go out to the lake to catch any."

"I wonder why they weren't in the stream?" Rodney wondered, the shot cutting outward to show Anne Maria finally emerging from the barn.

"I don't think it matters," Heather said, briefly glancing to the side as the Jersey girl joined them. "What matters is how they _taste_."

"I hear _that_ ," Leshawna added.

/

A flash took the scene to an angled shot of the girls' side of Team Maskwak's bunker, Sadie sobbing on the bottom bunk of the set of beds she had formerly shared with Katie. A low, touching tune was playing in the background.

"Would you _stop it_ already?" Eva growled, walking over while alternating reps with the small dumbbells she'd brought to the island.

"I'm _sorry_ ," Sadie cried, "it's just that I miss Katie so _much_!"

"Yeah, well crying about it all day isn't gonna bring her back." Eva replied gruffly.

Sadie sniffed, then propped herself up on one arm to glare at her teammate. "Yeah, cause _you guys_ voted her out!"

"Hey, I didn't vote for her," Eva said as the shot cut to her close-up.

"You didn't?" Sadie asked, confused yet hopeful as the camera panned back to her.

"Yeah, I voted for _you_ ," the iron woman answered. Sadie gasped in shock. "What?" Eva asked as the camera pulled out to show them both. "You both _equally_ blew it yesterday, and I figured your little _friend_ might be more useful in challenges."

A sharp note played as the shot cut to a close-up of Sadie gaping in shock.

xxx

"So I was a little harsh," Eva told the outhouse camera, "big deal! I'm here to _win_ , and right now she doesn't even look willing to _play_."

xxx

"I can't believe you voted for me...," Sadie said as the static cut away, showing her now sitting up on her bed with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah, and unless you get your act together I'll be voting for you _again_ ," Eva growled.

The camera suddenly moved behind Eva as she looked back and Sadie perked up at the sound of a heavy door opening. " _Breakfast_ has arrived!" came the voice of Brick from off-camera.

/

The scene immediately moved to what looked like the front of the bunker, a central wooden support beam standing between two dark and heavy-looking curtains. In front of the beam was a long crate big enough to be used as a table, and in front of that was Brick holding two small sacks. The two curtains soon parted as the cadet's teammates arrived, first Mike and Dave from the left then Eva and Sadie from the right.

"Check it out, soldiers," Brick said with a proud smile as he dumped the contents of his sacks on the crate. The camera cut in close, and panned slowly across a wide variety of different fruits.

"Sweet!" Dave exclaimed from off-camera.

"Yeah," Mike chimed in as the shot cut to the three boys smiling at the bounty, "great find! We'd probably be starving without you," he said with an awkward chuckle.

Brick laughed and slapped him on the shoulder. "Come on, Mike, foraging's not _that_ hard! Why don't you come with me next time and I'll show you the ropes?"

"Really?" Mike smiled. "Thanks, I...I'd _love_ to go!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you would...," Dave muttered, rolling his eyes and looking away just before Mike and Brick gave him curious look.

xxx

"I don't get how the others can trust _anything_ 'Mike' says," Dave confessed, using air quotes for his teammate's name. "The guy _admitted_ to having multiple personalities, how can you even know who you're talking to with him?"

xxx

"I'm pretty sure Dave doesn't like me anymore," Mike told the outhouse camera. "Which is...annoying, but it's something I was prepared for. Some people just can't handle being around me once they learn about my disorder." He sighed. "Well, I guess all I can hope for is that he doesn't turn the others against me or make my life more difficult than it already is. I came out here to experience new things and enjoy being _me_ , and I can't do that if someone hates me for something that I can't really _help_."

xxx

A slower, more plodding tune began as the bunker scene resumed with a the five Bears present happily eating. The viewpoint rotated over to the boys curtain as Sky arrived with a bucket in hand, earning the attention of her teammates.

"I got freshwater from the stream!" she announced as the shot moved in closer to her. "Don't wanna get dehydrated during the challenge!"

"Awesome!" Dave said, pushing past Mike and Brick to run over to her side. "So great, you are _so_ great. I saved some berries for you!" he told her with a smile, holding out a hand full of blueberries.

"Uhh...thanks, Dave," Sky said.

xxx

"I think Dave has a bit of a crush on me," Sky informed the confessional camera. "But I'm not here to meet boys, I'm here to _win_ ," she said, clenching a fist with a decisive smile.

xxx

"Well, I brought plenty of fruit for _all_ of us," Brick pointed out as he marched over to Dave and Sky, "but your efforts and thoughtfulness towards your fellow soldier are duly noted."

"Uhh...thanks?" Dave replied, looking at him in confusion.

"You're welcome!" the cadet replied without missing a beat or losing enthusiasm. "And Sky, don't think _your_ efforts went unnoticed either."

Sky smiled at him. "Thanks. Getting water was the least I could do. Great job foraging, by the way."

"Happy to be of service to the team," Brick told her. "And hey, you're always welcome to come foraging with me!"

"I'd love to!" Sky said happily.

"Me too!" Dave quickly and enthusiastically added. "Foraging! I'll _totally_ come with you guys!" He rubbed his arm awkwardly as a soft, eerie tune began to play, and the shot cut to Mike rolling his eyes.

"Guess what, campers! Iiiiiit's _challenge time_!" Chris suddenly announced over the island's loudspeakers, the members of Team Maskwak furrowing their brows and heading outside. The shot cut to one of the loudspeakers tied to a nearby tree as the host added "All butts to the meeting area in five!"

The shot cut to Brick snapping to attention at the front of the Bears' group. "You heard him, soldiers, move out!" he told his teammates before running off. Eva and Mike quickly followed suit, but as Dave and Sky prepared to do the same the camera cut in close to show Sky pausing and looking back.

"Umm...Sadie?" she hesitantly asked Sadie, the camera shifting to show the other girl looking down sadly.

"Do we have time for this?" Dave whispered as the focus moved back to him and Sky.

"We'll _make_ time for it," Sky whispered back, walking over to Sadie and smiling. "Are...you gonna be okay?" she asked her teammate while off to the side Dave rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.

Sadie sniffed. " _No_ ," she replied. "I don't know if I can do _anything_ without Katie..."

"Well...," Sky told her calmly as she grabbed Sadie by the shoulders and a touching tune swelled up, "I know it must hurt to have your best friend eliminated like that, but try and think on the bright side. Now you can prove to yourself that you _can_ do things on your own! What do you say?"

Sadie looked up and wiped away a tear. "I'll try," she said.

"Good, that's all we're asking," Sky told her.

"Well," Dave spoke up, drawing the attention of his teammates and the camera back to him, "that and getting to the meeting area on time."

The girls perked up. "Oh, right, let's get going," Sky said before running off to the right, Dave and Sadie following shortly.

/

A flash took the scene to Team Kinosewak walking through the woods together, Anne Maria jogging off ahead.

"What's her problem?" Heather asked aloud from the front of the group.

"Maybe she's just really excited to see what the challenge is about?" Owen suggested as the camera panned to the back.

Duncan gave him a strange look over his shoulder. "You kidding me dude, after the way she's been acting?"

"Yeah, she doesn't really seem like she likes _anything_ out here," Rodney added as the shot moved back to the right.

Behind him, Leshawna snorted. "Do _any_ of us?"

"W-well I do," Owen answered.

"Yeah, me too," Rodney added.

The shot cut to a close-up of Heather rolling her eyes, unseen by her teammates behind her. "Well...you two are the exceptions," she said calmly. "Anne Maria must have some _other_ reason for going on ahead."

/

The music turned slightly tense as the scene flashed to Chris standing next to a large crate filled with what looked like brightly-colored water balloons. He was making marks on a clipboard, but looked up and back when Anne Maria ran up to him.

"Yo Chris," the Jersey girl began with visible annoyance, "I got a _bone_ to pick wit' you." The host raised an eyebrow at her, but remained silent. "How come I ain't got any _replacements_ for the stuff I lost when that blimp exploded?"

"Because I don't care?" Chris answered, looking back at his clipboard.

"But then how am I supposed to look good for the cameras?" Anne Maria continued, motioning to the cameras in shock. "At least give us a make-up crew!"

"Yeah, no," Chris told her with a shake of his head. "A make-up team for you kids would be _way_ too expensive. Besides, you're not _supposed_ to look good. You're supposed to _suffer_."

Anne Maria gaped as a flat note played. "But-"

Chris held up a hand to stop her. "No more buts. No make-up, end of story."

xxx

" _Seriously_?!" Anne Maria told the outhouse camera in outrage. "What kinda show does he think he's runnin' out here?"

xxx

The static cut away to reveal that all twelve campers had arrived, their back to the camera as they faced Chris, Chef, and the crate of balloons.

"Gather 'round, victims!" the host began. "Today's game is called...' _Doom Balloons_ '!" he announced dramatically, holding up a sloshing blue balloon.

"Doom _balloons_?" Leshawna repeated skeptically as the camera cut behind Chris' head.

The shot rotated a few inches to the right to show Team Maskwak. "Well, that doesn't sound _too_ bad..." Sadie said hesitantly.

"That's cause I haven't finished yet," Chris told her with quick chuckle, the shot moving back in front of him as he tossed his balloon back onto the pile. "You'll have _ten_ seconds to collect a bunch of balloons that are filled with...who _knows_ what," he explained as the camera began to slowly zoom into the pile. "Talc, paint, itching powder," the camera switched to a faster pan across the increasingly worried and/or horrified faces of the campers, "bees, spiders, bird poop...it's _always_ a surprise!" he finished with a laugh as the shot stopped once more on Team Maskwak.

"Yeah, heheh," Mike laughed awkwardly, "sounds like they're all pretty _bad_ surprises, too..."

"Thanks, that's what I was going for," Chris said with a proud smile as the focus cut back to him. "If you're hit with any balloon contents, you're _out_ ," he continued sternly. "It doesn't matter if the balloons are thrown, dropped, launched, kicked, or sent by courier. Last player standing," he smirked and took out a whistle, " _wins_ it for their team."

He blew the whistle. "Get your balloons, people!" he yelled, blowing the whistle a few more times in quick succession as the shot cut to the campers rushing into action. The sounds of pushing and arguing filled the air as Chris kept track of the time on his watch, and when he and the camera looked back to the crate Dave, Sadie, and Owen were picking up the last few balloons.

They soon ran off into the woods, and the camera followed them as they passed Chris and Chef. "The hunting doesn't start until you hear the airhorn!" he announced, pulling out his airhorn.

xxx

"Alright, my kind of challenge!" Brick confessed excitedly. "Just two platoons in all-out balloon _warfare_ ," he clenched his fist. "May the best military w-"

He was cut off by the sound of an airhorn. "Oh, better get out to the battlefield!" he told the camera.

xxx

A low yet ominous melody began to play as the scene moved to Heather, now walking through the woods with a few balloons cradled in her arms. She paused at a sudden hissing sound, and the camera cut in closer as she narrowed her eyes and stood up flush against the nearest large tree. She slowly looked around behind it, and the shot cut first to her eyes widening, and then to what she was seeing.

Anne Maria was standing alone in a small clearing, a small pile of balloons on the ground while she sprayed her hair. She frowned as the flow of hairspray sputtered and stopped, then shook the can. "Great," she muttered, trying to spray again to no effect, "it's _empty_." She threw the can to the ground and huffed in annoyance. "Now I only got one left!"

The shot cut back to Heather as she moved back behind the tree she'd taken cover against, and smiled devilishly.

xxx

"If I wanna make it far in this game, I'm gonna need _allies_ ," Heather explained to the confessional camera. "Rodney's a good start, following be around like a little lovesick _puppy_ and all, but having a third will make things so much easier. But Duncan and Leshawna are _definitely_ out," she said, waving her hands dismissively after a bit of thought, "meaning my only options are Owen and Anne Maria. And I'd say Jersey girl is pretty vulnerable right now, enough to make her _jump_ at an offer of friendship." She finished with a sly smile.

xxx

A few long, deep notes played as the focus moved back to Anne Maria, the Jersey girl picking up her doom balloons with a frown. The snap of a twig caused her to gasp, look up, and raise a balloon to the ready, but she soon lowered her arm and scowled. "Oh. It's you," she said dully.

The camera panned to the left to show Heather emerging from the underbrush with a sheepish smile, and followed her as she walked over to Anne Maria. "Hi, sorry," she told her teammate. "I noticed you were over here and thought it might be a good idea to work together."

"Oh really," Anne Maria said with deadpan disbelief.

"Yup!" Heather said with a friendly smile. "Look, I'm _sorry_ about how I woke you up this morning," she said. "I should have been more understanding of how hard being out here has been to you."

Anne Maria snorted. "Darn right you shoulda. You and Leshawna might be city girls too, but you ain't from Jersey. You don't know how much of a change bein' out here is for me."

"Riiiight," Heather said slowly with an understanding nod as she walked over and linked arms with her teammate. "I keep forgetting that you're American, so you don't have any experience with the Great White North like the rest of us."

xxx

"Puh- _lease_ ," Heather confessed, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. "I've never so much as taken a _nature walk_ before. And I _know_ they have forests in the States. But as long as Anne Maria wants to make herself out to be the victim," she said with a sickly sweet smile, "then _I'll_ be here to give her a shoulder to cry on."

xxx

"So then, how about I show the ropes of how to survive out here so far from civilization?" Heather told Anne Maria as the scene moved to them walking together through the woods. "After all, it would be a shame to lose such a _fashionable_ girl to something she can't control."

Anne Maria raised an eyebrow at her. "You for real?"

"Real as this island is," Heather replied, motioning to the foliage in front of them as, suddenly and inexplicably, an entire tree shot down into the ground behind them. "And hey, maybe if we work _together_ , then Chris will cave and give us the make-up we need!"

"Hey yeah," Anne Maria smiled, "that ain't such a bad idea! Y'know, maybe you ain't as bad as I thought you were."

"Thanks, I'm glad we could work out our differences," Heather replied in close-up. Though her tone was sweet, her smile reached nowhere near her narrow, cold eyes.

xxx

Anne Maria was filing her nails as the confessional began. "Yeah, Heather ain't _exactly_ the type of girl I'd hang with back home. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do out here so don't _judge_ me, alright?" she told the camera fiercely, pointing her file at it.

She let out a saddened sigh. "Truth is, I never expected to have to rough it like this. I never really watched a lot of Total Drama, just some of them singin' episodes, so I figured we'd just be on some crummy plane or somethin' with all our luggage. Bein' out in the middle a' nowhere is _not_ what I signed up for," she told the camera with a decisive hand gesture. "I hate to say it, but for the first time in like my entire freakin' _life_ I think I'm gonna need help gettin' through this."

xxx

/

A hollow noise played as the scene moved to Sky walking alone through the forest, the camera cutting in close as she heard a twig snap behind her. She raised an eyebrow and a balloon, and a sharp note played as the shot moved back, revealing Dave standing behind her. "No!" he cried, raising his arms and leg defensively.

"Oh, it's you," Sky smiled, lowering her balloon.

"Hey, Sky," Dave said, "I was thinking. Maybe we could...team up, y'know?" The camera moved from behind the athlete to behind her teammate. "Watch each other's back?

Sky raised an eyebrow.

xxx

"Dave's a nice guy," Sky told the outhouse camera with a soft smile, "and he _is_ cute. But I have to keep my head in the game," she explained more seriously. "I can't let myself be distracted by his eyes," a faint blush started forming on her cheeks, "or that hair...or his _smile_...," she said, holding her head as she looked dreamily to the side.

"Uh...," she suddenly said, the blush disappearing, "what was I talking about? Oh! Right! Nooo distractions!"

xxx

"Iiiii...think I'll go it alone," Sky hesitantly told Dave, a few deep notes playing in the background. "It's nothing personal, Dave. It's just...easier to be silent when you're by yourself."

"Are you saying you find talking to me just...too...tempting?" Dave asked with a sly smirk.

Sky chuckled awkwardly. "Umm, if that's how you wanna interpret it, okay."

xxx

"It's not like I'm falling for her," Dave told the outhouse camera. "I mean sure, yes, she's really cute, and totally awesome at anything, and everything...," he gushed, growing more and more amorous by the second, "and she has those deep eyes, that silky hair...what was I saying?" he asked as his eyes suddenly popped open. "Oh, right," he said at the memory. "Yeah, I'm falling for her," he admitted with a shrug,"

xxx

"Going it alone might work _sometimes_ ," Dave said slyly as the scene returned to him and Sky, "but I feel that-"

A deep and ominous tune began as Sky tensed up, then shushed Dave. She quickly looked from side to side as the music built up, and the shot cut to Heather and Anne Maria peering through a bush with smirks on their faces. The Queen Bee raised up what looked like a hollow piece of reed and took a deep breath, then the camera cut to Sky elbowing Dave to the ground. "Take cover!" she warned in a whisper.

She raised one of her balloons and looked around again, then the shot cut to Heather blowing a few small pebbles out of the reed one after the other. Each hit one of the Sky's balloons, which promptly burst to reveal a swarm of bees within.

"Beeeees!" Sky cried out, holding her head in panic before running away from the buzzing swarm.

"Sky! Wait up!" Dave exclaimed, popping back up into view after she'd ran off. He promptly gave chase.

The shot cut to Anne Maria and Heather standing up out of the bushes. "Woo yeah, baby, that was perfect!" the Jersey girl cheered as the two shared a high-five.

"Told you it would be," Heather said smugly. "Why waste resources _yourself_ when you can use your _enemies_ ' against them?"

/

A beep sounded as the scene cut to Chris, paused footage of the two Salmon girls on the widescreen next to him. "Heather is _really_ enjoying the game," the host told the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "Obviously, she doesn't know what surprises are waiting in _her_ balloons," he added with a laugh, putting away his remote. "Stay tuned for more mayhem when we return. To Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with the opening of a tense tune, the camera following a rustling behind some shrubs until Brick crept out into the open. "Alright," he whispered to himself as the shot cut in closer, "no sign of the enemy out front. Better start watching out behind me...," he said, turning around and backing up in the direction he'd been going.

A pan to the right showed Duncan warily backing out of the bushes from the opposite direction, and the music trilled ominously. The camera zoomed outward just enough to show them both unwittingly drawing closer and closer, and the music spiked dramatically when they finally bumped into each other.

Both boys gasped, whirled around, and raised one of the many balloons they were carrying. Then they froze the moment they saw each other.

"Hmph," Duncan sniffed, "it's just _you_."

"Yes indeed," Brick replied. "Here we are. Enemies."

"Yeah," the punk said aggressively. "Enemies."

The camera cut outward a little bit as both tensed up as if to throw...only to stay still and silent for a few more seconds.

"What's the matter?" Duncan asked as the shot cut back to his close-up. "Too chicken to throw that thing?"

"Not at all," Brick replied, the camera moving to him. "Just waiting for you to make the first move so I can dodge it and counterattack!"

"Yeah, well...same here!" the punk said.

The shot cut outward again as they stared each other down for a few more seconds.

"Well then," the cadet said, "it seems we're at an impasse!"

"Seems so!" Duncan said. "Guess we might as well leave and take out somebody else!"

"I suppose we don't have much choice in the matter!" Brick agreed, and the two began to back up slowly without breaking eye contact or lowering their balloons. "Strategic withdrawal it is!"

"Yeah!" Duncan said just before both boys stepped off-screen.

xxx

"Hey, don't get the wrong idea," the delinquent aggressively told the outhouse camera. "I didn't go easy on him because he helped me find food again this morning. I just...wanted to go pick off the _weaker_ members of his team first."

xxx

"Duncan is a _formidable_ opponent," Brick told the camera, his chest puffed up for a moment before adding "maybe even more than I thought! After all, not just anyone can so easily force a highly-trained cadet like myself to strategically withdraw from the battlefield!"

xxx

The scene moved to a close-up of Sky's arm as she used a seashell to scrape away the stingers that riddled with it.

"Sky!" Dave said, the shot cutting outward as he ran past the tree Sky was sitting against with his balloons in his arms. He stopped as he saw her, first smiling and then cringing. "Yikes. They _really_ got you good!" he said over a close-up of the gymnast removing her final few stingers, then glaring at him.

"Oh, sorry," he apologized. "But hey, it coulda been a lot-" the sound of someone standing up came from off-screen- "woryaeryu!" he stammered in shock.

"Ya think?" Sky asked as the camera cut back to her, turned around and pointing at the large amount of stingers still stuck in her back.

" _Wowzers_ ," Dave said. "Sorry I got you knocked outta the game, Sky!" he told her as she clenched her eyes shut and pulled a stinger out with her fingers. "And I'm sorry the bees went after you. I mean I'm _glad_ , but-"

"You're _glad_?!" Sky asked in outrage, suddenly leaning towards him as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Because I'm allergic to bee stings!" Dave quickly explained. "And tomatoes...wheat...and peanuts," he listed off thoughtfully. "Flowers, mountain lion dander, and mos fruit-flavored gums."

"Seriously?" Sky asked in disbelief.

"Well I've never been tested for any of it," he admitted with an odd smile, "but I've always _suspected_. It's better to err on the side of caution when dealing with-"

"Dave!" Sky said, grabbing his arm to cut him off before letting go again. "You _have_ to warn the others that Team Kinosewak are using our own balloons against us!" She grabbed his shoulders, earning a small smile from Dave. "We are _not_ gonna be the first team to lose two challenges in a row." She let go of him again. "We need to win this one, Dave!"

"You got it, Sky!" he told her enthusiastically. "I am _on_ it!" The shot zoomed out as he ran off to the left with a smile on his face.

Sky turned to watch him leave, before raising a hand and calling out a warning. "Tree!"

The sound of a collision and a pained "Oww..." from Dave immediately followed.

/

A flash took the scene to Sadie, walking by herself through the forest carrying a load of balloons. The camera cut in closer as she sighed sadly. "I know I said I'd try to prove that I can do things without Katie...," she told herself, "but how do I even _do_ that?"

She stopped walking, and looked around with a rather blank expression. "Well, I guess I could try to, like, hit someone on the other team. But it would be _so_ much easier to do that if I weren't by myself," she said to herself as she resumed walking. "Don't you think so, Katie?" she asked with a happy smile as she looked to her side.

A dull note played as the shot cut outward, showing once again that Sadie was all alone. She seemed to sag. "Oh yeah, you're not here anymore..." Sadie stopped and sighed again. "I guess all I can do right now is hope for the best," she said with an almost grim expression as she looked forward again and resumed walking.

/

Another flash moved the focus to Leshawna, a light and methodical tune playing as she crept silently along a patch of underbrush with a balloon raised and ready to throw. The shot cut to her tiptoeing feet, then to her darting eyes, and then back outward as she suddenly spotted a bush rustling off to the right.

With a fierce battle cry she charged forward, the camera following alongside her as the music spiked dramatically. As she reached the bush Rodney rose out of it, yelling and ready to throw a balloon as well.

They, and the music, stopped when they saw each other.

"Phew," Leshawna said in relief, wiping her brow with the back of her balloon-holding hand. "It's just you."

"Sorry for scaring you, Leshawna," Rodney told her, lowering his arm as he stepped out of the bush. "I thought you were someone from the other team."

"Don't worry about it, Big Guy," Leshawna smirked and laughed, giving him a playful nudge. "Heck, I thought you were the enemy too! But boy am I glad I was wrong..."

"You are?" Rodney asked as the shot cut to his close-up.

"Well yeah, of course I am," Leshawna replied from off-screen, prompting a dopey grin to form on Rodney's face as the background turned pink and a lovesick song played. "I mean, what are the chances I'd run into someone from my _own_ team first?" Leshawna continued, her pink-tinted close-up now surrounded by a border of flower and ribbon-holding cherubs. The shot cut back to country boy's dopey grin, and then outward to show Leshawna giving her teammate a strange and bewildered look.

xxx

"Oh man, I've never felt this way before!" Rodney confessed, clutching his heart and looking dreamy. "I really think Leshawna and I have a special _connection_ , y'know? Like we were meant to be. Breaking up with Heather will be hard," he said with a knowing nod, "but it's the right thing to do."

xxx

Rodney was still staring dreamily at Leshawna as the static cut away. "Uhh...," she said awkwardly, looking around. "I'm gonna go look for the other team somewhere else...," she said before turning and walking away.

/

"Alright," Heather told Anne Maria as the scene moved back to them walking through a different part of the woods, the camera soon zooming in on them to show them each carrying both balloons and hollow reeds. "Let's split up to, like, cover more ground or whatever," she suggested as they paused between two trees. "Not _too_ much ground, in case one of us gets in trouble, but enough to make it easier to spot one of the Maskwaks and take 'em out before they see us. Got it?"

"Pfft, that's easy!" Anne Maria said, waving her hollow reed around absentmindedly. "Those Muskox or whateva ain't gonna know what him 'em."

"Maskwaks," Heather corrected.

"Yeah, that," Anne Maria said, and the girls parted ways – Heather off to the left, Anne Maria back to the right.

The camera remained focused on the Jersey girl, the background music shifting from something tense into something more plodding and tedious as she found a tree to lean against, then rapidly became bored with it. "Hrmm...," she murmured, pursing her lips in annoyance as she took a nail file out of her pouf and got to work on her right hand.

A twig snapped nearby causing her to jump a little and gasp, dropping the file and raising her makeshift dart gun. "Who's there?" she demanded, looking around wildly – first to the left, and then back around to the right.

The camera moved down onto the twig that had broke with the offending foot still on it, and a pan up revealed its owner as Mike. "Aww crap," he swore in wide-eyed panic, one arm readying a balloon to throw while the other cradled several more.

Anne Maria squealed excitedly. "Vito!"

xxx

"At first I thought 'Mike' was just some kinda weirdo," Anne Maria explained to the outhouse camera. "But then yesterday, when things got serious, he dropped the act and showed me who he _really_ is. And we totally clicked, too, like obviously. I mean, _he's_ hot, _I'm_ hot, we're a perfect match! With a hunk like _that_ around, who cares about all those other problems!"

xxx

"So," Anne Maria said with a flirty wink, stepping over and taking Mike by the arm, "how about you take that shirt off and we go find somewhere... _private_?"

Mike looked around nervously. "Uhh...I don't really know what's going on..."

Anne Maria furrowed her brow. "Quit jokin' around, Vito, or are you gonna tell me you forgot about yesterday?"

"Umm...," Mike said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head as he looked away. "I don't know how to tell you this, but...I'm not Vito."

The shot cut outward to show them both as Anne Maria let go of his arm and gave him a stunned look. "Wh-what? What's _that_ supposed to mean? You like his twin brother or somethin'?"

"Nnnooo, he's just...one of my alters, heheh," Mike told her with a nervous smile and laugh. A dull note played as she gave him a blank look. "He's, uhh, kinda like an alternate personality, but-"

"So what," Anne Maria interrupted in disbelief, "you sayin' he ain't _real_?!" she asked in outrage as she backed away.

"Wwelll...," Mike said slowly, rubbing his head and looking away again, "that's...a matter of-" The music suddenly spiked.

He was interrupted when a small pebble sped through one of his balloons, popping it and covering him with a slimy yellowish liquid. Anne Maria gasped as he recoiled with disgust. "Eww! What is this, canola oil?" Mike asked, arms out and shoulders up as he stood on one leg.

"Hah!" Heather barked out a laugh, drawing both other campers' attention to the left. The shot cut to her as she emerged from the bushes, a smug smile on her face. "You're out, loser," she told Mike before turning a sly smile towards Anne Maria. "And _great_ job distracting him," she told her. "Not what I was _expecting_ , but I can't argue with the results."

Anne Maria smiled nervously. "Er...yeah, no sweat!"

xxx

"Great, now Vito ain't _real_?" Anne Maria told the outhouse camera, looking devastated. "Sheesh, what's next? The stupid sun gonna go out or somethin'? Honestly, I just don't know what there's even _here_ for me no more."

xxx

The scene flashed to Dave, looking back over his shoulder as he ran through the woods. He stopped to rest against a tree, then looked up as Eva came running over. "You find anyone from Kinosewak?" she asked gruffly.

"No, not really," Dave answered as the shot moved to his close-up. "I mean, not since _Sky_ got hit, anyway. But even then-"

"WHAT?!" Eva yelled in shock. " _Sky_ got taken out?!"

"That's...what I said...," Dave said, nervously backing up an inch.

"Don't _lie_ to me, little man," Eva growled. "With her skills, there's no _way_ Sky could get taken out!"

"W-well, I mean," Dave stammered, "they burst her balloons while she was _holding_ them. We never even saw who did it! Just...one minute we were talking," he motioned to a spot in front of him with both hands, "then she's shoving me to the ground," he moved his hands a little to the left, "and then there's _bees_ everywhere!" he threw his hands up wildly.

A few deep notes played as the shot cut outward to show Eva glaring at Dave. "So in other words," she said gruffly, " _you_ distracted her."

Dave laughed awkwardly. "...Whoops?"

xxx

"Great," Eva told the confessional camera. "Just _great_. One of our best players is out thanks to that little _runt_ of a man. I'm gonna have to step it up to make sure he didn't just cost us our second challenge in a row."

xxx

The murmur of approaching voices caught Eva and Dave's attention as the static cut away. "Alright, just keep quiet and stay out of my way," Eva growled, dragging her teammate by the collar behind a nearby bush.

A low, tense melody played, and the camera panned to the side to shoe Heather and Anne Maria approaching. "So yeah, the real work is in the initial coating," the Jersey girl said as they approached the spot where Dave and Eva had hidden. "After that maintainin' the tan is a cinch, though you _better_ not skip any touch-ups."

"I'll keep that in mind," Heather replied with a small and almost mocking smile just before Eva stood up out of hiding and pelted her with a balloon that covered her in green slime. She promptly cringed and shuddered and cried out in disgust.

"Ah crap," Anne Maria said in a sudden panic, "I gotta beat it!" The music spiked dramatically as she turned and fled, the camera panning slightly to the right to show Eva running out of the bush to give chase.

"Get back here, you coward!" she yelled, the camera following her past a shocked and disgusted Heather. Eva threw another one of her balloons, but kept running off-screen.

The shot panned back to the right to show Dave awkwardly standing up out of cover. "Umm, you clearly have that handled," he told his absent teammate, "so I'm just gonna...look somewhere else." he pointed a thumb back to the right.

/

"I have to find _just_ the right words to end my relationship with Heather," Rodney said to himself as he walked through yet another part of the woods. "Or else she'll be _crushed_ , like a...," he faltered and slapped his forehead, "a _tractor_ , in a...some kinda _tractor_...crusher... _thing_..." He cried out in frustration, clenching his fingers and shaking his hands. "Come on words, I _need_ you!"

A balloon suddenly hit the ground in front of him, forcing him to gasp and jump back a step as it burst into, of all things, a snake. The shot cut in for a close-up as it bore its fangs and hissed at him, and a few dramatic notes accompanied his cry of. "Aaah!" The camera jumped back, though, as he swiftly kicked the snake back the way it had come.

"Oops! Sorry, man," Owen said running out of the woods and immediately ducking under the snake. His face seemed to be coated with mud of several different shades of brown, he had stuck branched twigs behind his ears so that they stuck up like antlers, and he watched the serpent arc over his girth before standing up and looking back at his teammate with mild shock.

"Owen! What was _that_ for?" Rodney asked accusingly.

He twiddled his finger sheepishly as he walked over. "I'm _really_ sorry," he said. "It's just that I was doing the whole 'Mighty Hunter' thing and lying in wait for the other team, but it's just been so long since I've seen _anyone_! So I ended up getting a bit of an itchy trigger finger with the ol' doom balloons..."

Rodney sighed. "Whatever, it's fine. Actually, I've been kinda looking for people myself. I need some advice on how to break up with someone."

Owen raised an eyebrow.

xxx

"I don't know why he's breaking up with someone out _here_ ," Owen confessed, "but I gotta say this sounds pre-ttay jui-cay..."

xxx

The shot cut in close as Owen put an arm around Rodney's shoulders and pulled him close. "Now the thing with _break-ups_ is to make sure the girl, _or_ guy, knows it's _not_ their fault. I mean, unless it _totally_ is."

"I see...," Rodney said knowingly before pausing and raising an eyebrow. "Wait, do you mean you've broken up with _guys_ before?"

"W-what?" Owen said, suddenly nervous as he let go of Rodney and took a step to the side. "Of course not! Who said _that_?" he laughed, his eyes darting rapidly from side to side.

"Well...either way," Rodney said, his confusion shifting into certainty, "it's _Heather_ that I'm breaking up with."

Owen gasped sharply. "You and Heather are _breaking up_?!"

The shot briefly cut outward as he paused, and Dave leaned out from behind a tree in the background with a balloon in hand and a bewildered expression on his face.

"...wait, you and Heather were _dating_?" Owen asked, his brow furrowing as the camera moved back to his close-up.

"Yup," Rodney nodded matter-of-factly, sniffing lightly and sadly as touching music began to play. "I'll always remember the time we shared," he closed his eyes and put his hands over his heart, "but-"

A deep note briefly rose up as Dave threw his balloon, hitting Rodney in the side with some sort of thick, pink liquid. Owen gasped in shock then turned and ran back to the right as Dave hid back behind his tree, and Rodney let out an anguished cry.

"I _deserved_ that!" he said, sobbing into his hands as he ran back to the left.

/

A punk rock theme began to play as the shot flashed to a few panning close-ups of Duncan crafting a slingshot from a thick forked stick and a large rubber band, then loading one of his balloons into it and aiming it around the woods.

"Oh yeah, _now_ we're talkin'," he said with a prideful edge in his voice. "I'd like to see the guy who can beat _this_ baby!"

Just then a piercing scream caught his attention, the background score becoming hectic as the camera panned to the right. "Help me!" Anne Maria yelled as she ran from Eva, the iron woman holding a single balloon above her head.

"Get back here!" she roared as she and her quarry approached the delinquent.

"Don't worry, I'll rescue you!" Duncan declared in a wild, almost lewd voice as he jumped forward the moment Anne Maria had passed and aimed his slingshot at Eva.

The shot cut in closer as she shoved him to the ground with one hand and continued on without missing a beat, the balloon he'd readied to shoot at her flying up into the air and then back down onto him.

He groaned, and the camera moved above him to show him lying on his back, his face covered in something red. He opened his eyes and took a taste of what was covering him with a finger, and smiled. "Hey, hot sauce! Not bad."

/

"Alright," Brick said to himself, the scene cutting to him standing alone in the forest with his hands on his hips and his balloons cradled with one arm. "No enemy sightings means this area's secure. Time to search another quadrant." The shot cut outward as he looked around one last time before nodding towards the right. "Haha," he laughed to himself as he began to march off, "won't _I_ look the fool if someone passes through here the moment I leave."

The camera promptly panned back to the left to show Dave creeping out of the bushes with a single green balloon in hand. He glanced to the right in the direction Brick had gone, nodded, then walked off to the left.

As soon as he left the scene the bushes rustled, and Owen crawled out from them on all fours with his butt crack showing. A blue balloon clutched in his hand, he giggled to himself then crawled after Dave.

/

The music rapidly became tense again as the scene flashed back to Anne Maria running and screaming through the forest. As she looked back over her shoulder the shot panned back to show Eva still chasing her. "You can't run forever!" the iron woman yelled.

"I can sure as heck try!" Anne Maria replied, her breathing becoming heavy.

The shot cut outward to show the two girls, and as Eva drew closer and closer to her prey and the camera slowly zoomed in.

Eva drew back her arm to throw her balloon, but just before she could launch it Leshawna popped out of a nearby bush and hit her in the head with a balloon of her own.

"Hah!" Leshawna laughed triumphantly as Eva and Anne maria immediately stopped. "How's _that_ for an attack, tough girl? I gotcha _good_."

A dull noted played as the shot cut to Eva, gaping in shock as green, yellow, and brown substances ran down her shoulders and chest. "Wha...WHAT?!" she roared in utter disbelief. "I _lost_?!"

"Uh-huh," Leshawna said slowly and proudly as Anne Maria walked over with a smile on her face. "You sure did."

"Thanks a lot for that, girl," Anne Maria said. "You really saved my butt."

"No problem," Leshawna told her as they shared a high five. "Somebody had to take her out, might as well be _me_ , ya know what I'm sayin'?

"Heck yeah I do," Anne Maria replied. "What the heck was in that thing, anyway?" she asked, the Kinosewak girls looking back at the still-stunned Eva.

"A buncha freakin' _condiments_ ," Eva answered with surprising glumness. "I feel like a hot dog..."

"Yeah, and I feel like a steamed turkey after runnin' around so much," Anne Maria commented, reaching into her poof and pulling out her hand mirror.

The view cut to the reflection in it, and she cringed as she saw that her make-up was running. "Crap, things ain't lookin' so good for me," she said as the shot moved back to its usual position.

"You can touch yourself up later," Leshawna told her, putting a hand on the Jersey girl's shoulder. "We gotta keep movin'."

"Hey," Anne Maria said sharply, "I'll touch myself up when I _wanna_ touch myself up, got that?" She stuffed the mirror back into her pouf, took out her can of hairspray...and gasped as her hair sagged.

/

"Okay, one balloon left," Dave whispered to himself as the scene cut back to a close-up of him creeping through the woods, clutching his last weapon and looking around anxiously. "I-"

A branch snapped, Dave stiffened, and the camera pulled back. "Who's there?" he asked, and the intense challenge music resumed.

"The Mighty Hunter, that's who!" Owen declared, standing up out of a bush and pelting Dave with a balloon. It burst into a cloud of pale gray powder, causing Dave to cough.

"What the-?" was all he could say before confusion before confusion gave way to frantic scratching oh his head and armpit and lower back.

xxx

"Itching powder?!" Dave asked the outhouse camera in a mild panic, still covered with the stuff and scratching his armpit. "Really?! I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to this!" he declared, switching to scratching his other side.

" _Everyone_ is allergic to it!" Chris informed him over the camp loudspeaker. "It's _itching powder_!"

xxx

"Woohoo!" Owen cheered, raising his arms in celebration as Dave hopped away on one foot, screaming and scratching himself. "I am the _man_!"

The camera panned to the right as the music became ominous, and Brick rose out of the bushes with a smirk on his face. "Sorry Owen, but this is _my_ time!" the cadet declared, hitting him in the face with a balloon just as he turned around.

"Nuts...," Owen said, drooping in disappointment as pink paint ran down his face.

All at once the shot cut out, the music spiked, and another balloon came whizzing past. "Whoa!" Brick said, quickly leaning out of the way so that it hit Owen in the chest instead.

"Aww, _come on_!" the big guy said in frustration, gesturing to the blue paint that had splattered his shirt.

"Whoops," came the voice of Leshawna, the camera following the two boys' gazes to the right to show Leshawna and Anne Maria standing to the side, balloons in their hands. "Sorry Owen, guess I missed. But don't worry, it won't happen again!"

"I'll say!" Anne Maria chimed in, standing behind her teammate but raising a balloon nonetheless.

"Is that so?" Brick asked in a cocky tone, raising a balloon of his own.

"Bring it, white boy!" Leshawna declared confidently, and the shot cut in quick succession to close-ups of them throwing their balloons – first Brick, then Leshawna.

It followed by cutting from Brick getting hit and covered with small purple spiders, then Leshawna getting hit and covered in a fine white powder.

"Aah! Aah!" Brick screamed, frantically brushing the spiders off his body while Leshawna started sneezing uncontrollably. Anne Maria recoiled from her teammate in fright, untouched by the powder.

"Uhhh...,"she said hesitantly as she looked around, the shot cutting from Leshawna sneezing, Brick wiping away the spiders, Owen standing awkwardly with paint on his face and chest, and even Dave still scratching himself. "So...I guess I'm the only one left?"

"Not quite," Chris answered over the loudspeaker.

/

The scene flashed to Sadie standing alone in another part of the woods, looking upward. "With one member left on each team, we're down to sudden death. In the interests of not wasting any more of my incredibly valuable time, Sadie and Anne Maria should head to the waterfall for their final showdown."

A click ended the broadcast, and Sadie looked back to her left. "Well," she told herself after a deep breath, "time to see what I've got..."

/

The footage immediately skipped ahead to a shot of the waterfall from a distance, before cutting in closer to show Sadie waiting impatiently along the edge of its pool with balloons in hand. Strangely, there wasn't any visible streams coming from the pool.

A rustling sound drew her attention to the right.

"Alright," Anne Maria said as the shot panned over to her arriving at the pool, "let's get this over with. I already spent _way_ too much time runnin' around out here as it is, it's a wonder I even look like _me_ anymore."

Sadie stared at her blankly for a moment. "Yeah, okay," she smiled and nodded. "So, umm, how do you wanna-"

"No talkin'," Anne Maria said aggressively as she charged forward with one of her own balloons raised, "this ends here!"

She started screaming and threw her first balloon, forcing Sadie to yipe and jump away as it hit the ground with a splat. "W-wait!' the chubby girl pleaded as she turned and fled, disappearing off-camera to the left with Anne Maria soon following after. Both girls soon ran back in to the foreground, Sadie looking desperately over her shoulder. "You, um, uh, like, your _tan's_ fading!"

"M-my tan?" Anne Maria asked in shock and horror, the shot cutting to a close-up of her wide-eyed face as she immediately stopped running. "Crap, this ain't good!" she said as the shot cut back outward, dropping her balloons and grabbing her face then taking the mirror out of her pouf. She frantically began touching her face with one hand as she checked her reflection...

The balloon hit her in the pouf and burst into nothing but water.

Her hair quivered, then collapsed into wavy and unkempt strands. A can of hairspray and a nail file clattered out of it.

Anne Maria dropped her mirror, and her eyes shifted over to the left in utter shock and horro.

Sadie giggled. "I got you!" she said jovially.

The camera jumped outward to a full shot of the island as Anne Maria's tremendous shriek filled the air, startling a flock of birds into flight.

At the end of it, Chris announced "Game over! Team Maskwak wins the challenge!"

xxx

Sadie opened her confessional with a sigh of relief. " _That_ sure was close. I feel bad for doing that to Anne Maria, but it's not like I could just _not_ do that and get hit. Then I'd be voted off for sure! And that's not what Katie would want," she said, crossing her arms and nodding decisively.

xxx

A sharp, jarring note played as the footage resumed with Chris and Chef standing before the campers, all but Sadie covered in whatever they'd been hit with. Anne Maria was standing about a foot away from her teammates, desperately trying to spray her hair back into a pouf.

"Tonight's winners get to enjoy dinner from Mary's Lamb-Burger," Chris announced, holding out a bag of fast food. A trendy tune began to play as a close-up of the greasy thing spun into the foreground against a pink-and purple back, showing off the image of a smiling blonde white girl with a big pink bonnet holding up what looked like a burger with a lamb's leg sticking out of it. "That's Mary's Lamb-Burger and Barbecue Emporium," the host repeated. "Mary had a little lamb," he recited as the camera zoomed in to several sheep falling into the bag. A burst of fire flared up out of it, prompting Chris to laugh. " _Had_."

"Aww man, I lose out on lamb _again_?!" Owen groaned in disappointment.

Chef snickered.

/

"Great job, Sadie," Sky said as the scene flashed to Team Maskwak walking up to their bunker together. All of them now seemed clean. "Seriously, great job."

"Yeah," Mike chimed in, "you really came through for us. I hate to admit it, but I was a little surprised."

Sadie puffed herself up primly and walked past him, carrying their bagged reward with her. "Well, I'm not just Katie's friend, y'know. I can do stuff by my _self_ , too."

Mike laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I...guess you're quite the example to live up to."

"Well then, team," Brick said, the shot cutting outward to show them at the front door of the bunker, "time to celebrate another hard-earned victory."

He threw open the heavy door and walked inside, Sky and Dave right behind him with the latter giving a cheer of "Yeah! Let's eat!" as he entered. Mike soon followed, and the camera zoomed in on Eva and Sadie as they lingered outside.

"Look...," the strong woman said, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head, "I'm sorry for being so harsh on you this morning, okay? I thought you were useless, but you're not. Especially after _you_ won the challenge and _I_ just let myself get ambushed."

"It's okay," Sadie told her with a small smile. "I mean, you _were_ too harsh. But if somebody hadn't told me to pull myself together, I so _totally_ would have choked when it came time to face Anne Maria. Friends?" she asked offering her hand.

Eva looked at it. "Nah, not quite," she said. "But I doubt I'll be voting for you again any time soon." She smirked, slapped Sadie's hand lightly, then turned and walked into the the bunker.

Sadie smiled slightly. "Well...I guess that's fine," she said. "Right, Katie?" she asked, looking up at no one in particular.

/

The scene faded forward to night, the opening bars of the elimination music playing over the usual long-distance shot of the island.

"Alright, players!" Chris said as the shot cut to the firepit, the members of Team Kinosewak seated and several already holding marshmallows. "Those of you holding marshmallows," the camera zoomed in and panned across Leshawna, Rodney, Heather, and Owen, "are _safe_. For now," he added with a laugh as the shot landed on Anne Maria and Duncan, both empty-handed. The punk was looking surprised, while the Jersey girl was tending to her rebuilt pouf with a smile on her face.

"Duncan, Anne Maria, one of you is going home tonight," the host continued as the music began to trill. "Anne Maria, your little make-up meltdown earlier cost your team the win." The shot cut from Chris to the bottom two, and the Jersey girl shrugged uncaringly. "And Duncan...not gonna lie, not sure why you're getting votes besides your epic fails in the challenge."

"It's cause I ain't a quitter," Anne Maria explained as the shot cut back to her and Duncan. "I ain't votin' for myself, so I voted for the criminal cause I don't really like him."

Duncan scowled at her. "The feeling's mutual, toots." She just gave him a dirty look.

"Yeah, well," Chris said, folding his hands behind his back and looking awkward as the music began to rise, "it doesn't matter. Duncan, you're safe. Anne Maria, you're out."

Anne Maria stood up with a sigh of relief. "Finally. Seriously, you know you drag this thing out way too long?"

"Aren't you upset about getting voted out?" Owen asked, sharing the back row with Rodney and Heather.

"Pfft, you kiddin' me?" Anne Maria scoffed. "I ain't happy about losin' out on a million bucks, don't get me wrong, but between havin' like no supplies and the one hunk out here bein' a fake and all this just ain't my scene. I thought after Jersey I could handle anything, but I guess I was wrong."

"Aww, come on, girl," Leshawna said, standing and hugging her teammate, "you did great out there today! You know, all things considered."

"Yeah, sorry we still had to vote you out even though you tried so hard," Heather added, standing up and walking over. "It's not your fault there's no make-up out here."

"Don't worry about it," Anne Maria told her, breaking the hug with Leshawna. "Comin' out here made me realize that I really ain't the type of girl who _wants_ to do well in the outdoors. It just ain't me, y'know?"

Heather and Leshawna glanced at each other. "Yeah, we know," Leshawna said.

"And we don't think any less of you for it, either," Heather added. "Right boys?" she asked, the camera panning to the other half of the team as Owen and Rodney voiced their agreement while Duncan scoffed.

"Thanks, I appreciate it," Anne Maria said as Chef walked over. "Now go out there and give those Muskox a beatdown for _me_ , will ya?"

The two remaining girls shared a look. "Oh, we will," Leshawna smirked.

" _Definitely_ ," Heather added with a decisive nod.

/

The sombre farewell theme began to play as the scene flashed to the Cannon of Shame, Anne Maria already loaded into the barrel. "Any last words?" Chris asked, standing to the side with Chef.

"Yeah, the landing's soft, right?" the Jersey girl asked with a hopeful look.

"Nope," Chris answered bluntly, pressing the button on his remote and launching Anne Maria screaming into the night.

xxx

"Well, there goes _that_ plan for an ally," Heather griped to the confessional camera, her arms cross and her eyes narrow. "No hard feelings-" she closed her eyes and made a short, sharp motion with her hand- "but she was just too weak to save." She sighed, and pursed her lips slightly. "Guess that means I'll have to start working on _Owen_ now..."

xxx

"Eleven players remain," Chris told the camera as it cut to him near the sheer rock wall leading up to the elimination area and the capstone theme began to play, "but only _one_ goes home with a million dollars. Find out who lasts, and who blasts, on the next, Total! Drama! Paaaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

The title this week is...admittedly lackluster in my eyes, but it fits the content at least.

Anne Maria, perhaps more than anyone else in the series, got screwed by the Shuffling. I just...I don't think she's very well suited for the Pahkitew Island environment. Any other season and she could do well, even thrive, but here? In the middle of nowhere with no way to really cope with her high-maintenance lifestyle? I'm truly sorry, but this is as far as I could take her. I do think she's got a lot of potential, but this just wasn't her season. I do hope that I got the point across that it's okay to not be able to do things like living in the wilderness, or to even not want to be able to do things like that. I like Anne Maria, and I don't want to portray her in a particularly negative light.

Sometimes, it's important and okay to accept your weaknesses. You are who you are.

And with Sadie, sometimes its also important to figure out who you are, and where your strengths and weaknesses truly lie.

That aside, the challenge was fun to write. A bunch of canon moments, I'll admit, but Dave and Sky need to be developed in a particular manner for me to be satisfied and that means replicating certain canon sequences. The others, at least, should have been pretty damn great I hope. Lots of humor to be had in the numerous character interactions, and I hope you all enjoyed them.

But, well, that's just my perspective. I'm eager to here what you all think. Enjoy yourselves, and I'll see you all next week. For those of you who follow or are interested my other story, **Total Drama Rebirth will be updated tomorrow.**

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)


	4. Chapter 4 - I Love You, I Love You Knots

**Author's Note**

Hello again, dear readers! It's hard to believe we're already about a third of the way through this season. Or will be at least, by the end of this episode. All I can hope is that everything comes together well. But enough about that, let's answer some reviews...

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Thanks, as always. I'll do my best.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thank you.

 **bruno14:** Hah, well, I'm glad each episode has been better and better this season; I can only hope that I can keep it up. Yeah, it was meant to be obvious that Brick helped Duncan and Owen with the food again, I just didn't want to actually show the scene itself. I'm glad you enjoyed Eva last week, as well as basically everything else you mentioned. And as for Mike being only himself last week...well, sometimes I feel like that should happen too. Anyway, I look forward to hearing what you like about this week's episode.

 **CVluvFoxy:** Ah, yeah, college can be stressful so I'm glad I helped brighten your day a bit. Anne Maria is...not someone I think would quit unless in a very specific situation, like in canon - she thought she didn't have a reason to compete anymore. In this story, however, she did still want the money so she didn't want to just give t up, but she was aware that she wasn't likely to get it. That aside, I'm glad you're enjoying Heather, as well as Sadie...both are pretty interesting characters to write, and each has their own challenges. But, I mean, the same can be said for the rest of the cast... Anyway, I'm glad you're liking things so far!

 **Animation Adventures:** Yeah, fair enough, Anne Maria's elimination wasn't exactly hard to see coming. But, more importantly, I was able to make her seem more human like you said, which is important to this season - I have so many characters I might not ever get a chance to develop more, so I gotta do what I can with each one. I'm glad you liked the little nods with Owen and Duncan; I like adding those types of things to this series, as it really adds to the humor I think. Not much to say about Sadie or Rodney; both of them are doing what they should be doing - Sadie showing that she's her own person; Rodney that he's a bit unusual and in that respect hard for someone like Heather to necessarily work with. Your assessment of Dave is pretty spot on; as in canon his devotion to Sky is his most prominent aspect, but it's not something that's always too useful for the team especially since he doesn't especially care for anyone else.  
Let's see...I'm glad you liked the Eva-Sadie bookends, those were nice to write as was Brick and Duncan's stand-off. They're...an interesting pair. And I did definitely add a bunch of new scares to this week's episode, though unfortunately none of them involve babies or diapers. I hope you can still enjoy the challenge though, lol.

 **Sideshow Jazz1:** Yeah, Action or World Tour would definitely be her best shots at getting ahead. Sadly, though, the RNG just wasn't in her favor two years ago. Regarding Sadie, she wasn't talking to a Phantom Katie so much as...well, the first time it was force of habit, the second time was more like a 'talking to the dead' type of thing. But hey, I'm glad you're enjoying my portrayals of Eva and Brick; one of my main goals in the Shuffled series as a whole is to do those types of characters better than they were done in canon. And...I don't really think I've been writing Duncan as particularly antagonistic, to be honest. Just...prickly, I guess. Interesting hopes for the finals, but regardless of what happens I hope you enjoy the rest of the season.

 **acosta pereze jose ramiro:** Thanks, and you're right - Eva holds herself to a high standard, so as harsh as she is on others she's also willing to admit when she didn't do as well as they did in some respect.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** I'm glad you understand; it's disappointing, but Anne Maria just wasn't in the right place. And considering Sadie had kinda broken down a bit after Katie's elimination, the fact that she was able to work through it a bit and even manage to win the challenge is something worth applauding I feel.

 **BehemothTheEnd:** Hmm...perhaps, perhaps, only time will tell.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Yeah, I'm honestly not interested in giving Mike a relationship, and since Anne Maria was always going to go early...well, it was only right that he let her know what was up with Vito. Hmm...not much else I can think to say; I hope you like what happens next.

 **ashDanLand:** Hah, well, you were only one place off with Anne Maria. I'm glad you're enjoying Sadie; you're right that she doesn't get much love in the fandom (at least from what I've seen) and there's not much good reason for it I guess. Like you said, all characters can shine.

 **PhantomlordJ:** Thanks; and yeah, it feels kinda short for me as well. Maybe because it's the only 13 episodes we'll likely be seeing this cast in. Sadie's not really cracking; her first reference to Katie was more out of habit than anything else, while the second was meant to be more like a 'talking to a dead loved one' moment. Other than that, interesting predictions and I hope you like this week's episode.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Yeah, pretty much; it unfortunately just wasn't Anne Maria's season but I'm glad I was able to make her exit a positive one. And yeah, Dave is behaving pretty much like he did in canon - his crush on Sky overwhelms anything else he might want, since his main goal is to impress her/get her to like him. I can kinda understand how he feels, but ultimately this trait is not an endearing one. Let's see...a good assessment of most of the other characters, and regarding your question about Duncan...well, he is a pretty lewd guy, so I guess I do wanna play that up a bit?

 **Atom king:** Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed all of those moments last week. I hope you like what happens next!

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Yup, that's what I was going for - Mike has other stuff to do, and I don't really want his time on the show to be focused on romance. And yeah, Anne Maria is definitely an entertaining character even if she'd be a bit obnoxious in real life. Well, I've never really met anyone quite like her myself, so I guess I can't really yeah, most of the season's subplots are proceeding nicely right now. Sadie...well, she's a naturally tough character to really get a grip on considering how little we know of her, but I don't think you're too far off in saying that she doesn't have very high self-esteem without Katie around.

 **I. M. Poik:** Fair enough. Her and Vito were never meant to be, so it's better to just get it over with now. Though come to think of it, Vito isn't yet aware of what happened yet... And...I think you're at least the most vocal about not liking Rodney. Oh well, at least you have the other characters to enjoy.

 **OMAC001:** Haha, well, I'm glad you're enjoying Heather.

 **DSX62415:** Glad you're liking Sadie! As for Anne Maria...well, I wouldn't say she ever harassed Mike, not in this story. Granted, they were on separate teams, but still.

 **FOWLKON:** No, I agree, I think I would've been able to do a lot more with Anne Maria if she were in the first trilogy. She'd probably still be an early-mid boot in Island, but could accel in Action and could also reasonably do well in World Tour despite her terrible singing skills (Sugar did well, after all). But yeah, I'm glad I've been able to do something with Sadie, since she was so criminally underused in canon. Rodney..well, he's doing his own thing, though as usual with the Shuffledverse things won't turn out the same as canon. Owen...at least in this fic, yeah, I think he's probably at least dated a guy once before. Though he's still not really comfortable telling people about it, especially on international TV as could be seen. Not much else to say, I hope you enjoy how things develop from here.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Exactly, Anne Maria got absolutely shafted in this series - randomly shuffled to the one place she was least suited for. It's a shame, but that's how it is, and I think if there's a chance for me to do another season with some of this cast then Anne Maria is likely to get in it. But I'm glad you feel my exit for her was better than canon's; as much as her being a gold-digger fits it was just kind of a copout elimination like you said. Sadie is another person I'm glad I've been able to develop, since she too got the shaft in canon. Though I wouldn't worry about her 'talking' to Katie; I'll admit it wasn't clear writing on my part but it was meant to be like a combination of an old habit (since she's not used to Katie not being by her side) and a sort of 'talking to a dead loved one' thing.  
And yeah, Skave is a toxic relationship and I've got a very good mental image of how exactly it's gonna be crushed. And as for Rodney...well, you'll know by the end of the episode how he'll fare this week.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** No worries, no worries; I know it can be hard to catch a new story right when it comes out. And yeah, as funny as Max can be he just wasn't needed this season. I didn't notice what you said about all the girls having black (or at least very dark) hair... I'm happy you enjoyed Mike's early revelation to his teammates, and yeah Dave is not a very good person when it comes down to it. And I'm also glad you liked Anne Maria's positive exit from the game as well as Sadie's development. Though she was nearly actually seeing Katie; the first time she 'talked' to her it was more out of habit, while the second time was meant to have more of a 'talking to a dead loved one who is watching from above' feel. I don't think her actually having hallucinations would be funny, it would be more tragic than anything else as things like that aren't really laughing matters.

 **Klimmatt:** Thanks! Yeah, it was fun for me to write her going up against Heather and Leshawna, but unfortunately it just wasn't meant to last. Brick, like you said, has a lot of room to grow without Jo around, and while I'm not about to spoil what I have in store for him, I do hope you'll like it once my plans start becoming more obvious.

 **graveexcitement:** Lol yeah, putting that moment with Heather in was just...well, it's something I'm kinda proud of. Same with the Duncan-Brick standoff, to be honest. The Eva-Sadie bits were nice to write as well, but Owen's just been a blast. Having such a friendly, positive guy who's always willing to help...it really makes Kinosewak work, I think. As for Dave...yeah, I think it's only natural that he's less sympathetic here. Partly because we already know what he's really like from canon, and partly because his teammates aren't as blatant a group of oddballs as can Maskwak was so his status as the 'normal guy' comes even less into play. And yeah, even if I were to put Dave and Sky on different teams from the start I don't think I could avoid addressing their mutual attraction. But, well, if nothing else it allows me to do my own version of it.

 **The Prime Writer:** Welcome back! No hard feelings about taking so long, I totally understand why it happened. And yeah, Dave is...not as good a person as he thinks he is. He's still pretty much the same person as canon, but without the context of the extremely eccentric canon Maskwak it's way more apparent. He's very much a black-and-white person, not really respecting those he finds as weird, and basically acting like Sky can do no wrong out of a misguided desire to impress her and win her love. (Also, you mistaken;y wrote down Cameron instead of Dave, I assume) I can't really...comment much on how her love life will end up this season, other than the fact that she's not gonna get together with Dave. Also, I'm happy that you seem well-informed about DID; it's a very misunderstood thing, and it's hard for even me to portray it correctly (especially as I am a bit...lazy when it comes to in-depth research, unfortunately). Duncan's chauvinism is...well, it's kind of something that becomes more and more apparent when you know what to look for, and more annoying as well - especially considering season one, where Zeke's sexism earns him an instant elimination while Duncan's admittedly more casual stuff just slips by. But, well, he's a complex character, and I hope to show him as that. Same with Owen; reducing him to just a fat smelly guy does him a great injustice. Not a whole lot to say about the others; some good analysis for the most part and I'm looking forward to seeing where I can go with this cast. It's sad that this is the last season of the series, but I think it's gonna be a good one.

 **Star Saber21:** Yeah, fair enough. A lot of the last episode was just characters interacting without really hitting each other, while the action came in short bursts. I think this one might be a little better in that regard, even if the intensity of the action isn't especially high due to the nature of the challenge.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Yeah, pretty much. I'm glad you liked her interactions with Leshawna, though. As for Sadie...well, all I can hope is that I do a better job with her than canon did.

 **link9753:** Hah, thanks, I'm glad you liked the Brick-Duncan scene. Same with the final face-off, though Sadie wasn't so much talking to a phantom Katie so much a, like, saying what she wished she could tell her. And yeah, Dave is definitely being a dick to Mike, though luckily he's not exactly the most persuasive while Owen's fishing skills were underused in canon, I see no reason to do that here - especially considering they're in much more of a survival situation. As for Heather...well, things aren't gonna be too easy for her, not as much as she thinks.

 **MaximusTheMad:** No worries, no worries, I hope college goes well for you. But yeah, luckily Sadie got pretty much what she needed last week thanks to Eva. Though in canon I think what she needed more was just focus, but everyone else on the Killer Bass got much more of it. And yeah, Duncan and Brick are definitely an interesting pair, and I hope you like what I end up doing with them. Dave, meanwhile, is pretty much as he should be - with the eccentricities of his canon team to compare him to, his personality is a little grating. You're right in that he doesn't intend on messing things up, but his attitude (especially towards Sky) really isn't helping things.

 **Joel Connell:** Thank you! I'm glad I was able to write Anne Maria so well. Same with Rodney, Heather, and Mike, all of which present their own unique challenges to portraying right. And yeah, I am (slowly) helping EotU with the opening sequence for his series, though since we're friends I don't think it's that big of a deal. Now let's see, if Total Drama doesn't get cancelled, I think they'd do something like a Fans vs Favorites type season. Or I hope so anyway, as it would be good for the Shuffledverse. I do hope they go back to the longer seasons, though.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Exactly - there's no shame in admitting you can't do something. Anne Maria is who she is, and I'm glad I could help her find herself a little. I'm glad you like Sadie, though once again I have to say that she's not really talking to an imaginary Katie; I just wrote it wrong I guess. It was meant to be more of a combination of an old habit dying hard, and her saying what she wished she could say to Katie; it just didn't come off as well as I hoped it would. And yeah, Dave causing Sky's downfall was an accident, but that doesn't mean Eva won't be harsh about it because Eva's just a naturally harsh person. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the comedic moments with Brick and Owen; there's a lot of fun to be had this season and I'm glad people are liking it. Duncan's punkness...well, I do want him to show it off more, it's just a matter of figuring out how and where. I've been given a couple ideas regarding it, but as for what actually happens I'm not too sure yet. I think timing is gonna be the key.

 **Frostmourne Hungers:** Hah, yeah, the review count has really shot up this season, especially compared to All-Stars (which didn't end up with quite as many reviews as RotI, sadly). But hey, even though it can be a little tiresome to answer all these reviews, I'm really proud and really happy that so many people like my writing enough to review it week after week.  
But anyway, I'm glad you loved last week's episode so much! Eva is kind of odd to write because she doesn't naturally speak up a lot, and there's not a lot of canon material to really work off so there's a lot I've just had to infer or guess at - like the exact form of her harshness, and how she really relates to other people over a longer period of time. I will admit that Sky didn't do very much last week, what with me mostly just following her canon scenes...but, well, it was necessary in a lot of respects. Dave, like you said, is being as in-character as I think he can for these situations; it's just that with the different context it's a lot more apparent who he really is. Like...I don't want to harp on him too much even with how much I dislike him because I do think Dave probably has some form of, like, neurodivergence he isn't aware of, but that doesn't mean I can't make it pretty blunt that he's not a very good person and that he has a lot to learn about relating to and treating people. Also, uh, I'm not really sure what you meant by [Honestly, this isn't disliking Mike for say, his skin color. It wasn't like Mike and his personas presented a legitimate danger to Dave or the team.] Cause...in a lot of ways, this is pretty similar to disliking Mike simply for his skin color, as it's something that Mike has no control over and doesn't really imply he's untrustworthy or dangerous.  
Mike and his potential aside, Brick is someone that I've found more and more potential, I guess you could call it, within. With Mike being handled so differently there's nothing that really ties Brick down to his canon patterns, giving me way more leeway to explore his character - like with respect to his relationship with Duncan.  
Sadie, again, wasn't really hallucinating or anything; I'm just gonna assume my writing was at fault with that aspect seeing how so many people misinterpreted what I was going for. At the end she was more, like, saying what she wished she could say to Katie, much like i think people say things to the graves of their dead loved ones. Though I can see what you're coming from with her anti-climactic win; it's something that needed to happen, but I'll admit I could have had her be a little more active in the challenge before that point.  
I'm glad you're enjoying Heather, and you're right that she voted for Anne Maria - everyone did except for Anne Maria herself. I'm kinda proud, now, of the 'As real as this island' line; it just works so well, especially since Heather has no idea the island is fake. Honestly, the entire Kinosewak dynamic has been a blast for me to write, and I do think Rodney has a lot to do with that as he gives another thing to focus on besides Heather and Leshawna's rivalry.  
Not much else to say, I hope you enjoy this week's episode.

That's all the replies for this week, so let's move on to the usual stuff. **A TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

The teams are as follows:

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Dave, Mike, Sadie, Sky

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Owen, Rodney

We've got...well, a lot of interesting goings-on this week. Revelations especially, or to an extent at least. I hope you all enjoy the show.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 4 – I Love You, I Love You Knots**

"Last time, on Total Drama!" Chris opened over a clip of Owen hitting Dave with a balloon full of itching powder. "The teams went wild with balloon animals," Dave was shown hitting Rodney with a balloon full of pink paint, "and not the kind ya _think_." The next clip showed Leshawna popping out of the bushes to hit Eva with a balloon full of condiments as the strong girl chased Anne Maria.

"But in the end," Sky was shown fleeing in terror as her own balloons burst to reveal a swarm of angry bees, "Team Kinosewak went _bust_ ," Duncan was shoved to the ground by Eva causing his own hot sauce-filled balloon to hit him, and Heather was hit with a balloon that exploded into green slime.

"So for the second time, they had to send a member home. And thanks to Anne Maria _seriously_ not being cut out for this season thanks to being so high maintenance," a quick series of clips showed the Jersey girl being forcibly woken up by Heather, getting blown off by Chris after asking for replacement beauty products, looking in shock as Mike told her the truth about Vito, and getting hit in the pouf with a water balloon that made her hair collapse, " _she_ got deemed the lucky loser." The montage ended with Anne Maria accepting her elimination with grace, then getting shot into the night by a cannon.

"What sort of luck is in store for our campers this time?" Chris asked the camera as it cut to him standing in an open field with a hand behind his back. "Probably bad. It's time, for Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A deep tune began as the episode opened on the morning sun, the camera soon panning down onto Waneyihtam Maskwak's bunker and cutting inside.

"Alright team," Brick said to Sky, Mike, and Dave, the four gathered in the entryway of the building with Eva and Sadie watching from the entrance to the girls' side, "let's get to foraging!" The cadet raised a fist, then turned and led his teammates out of the building.

"Wait," Eva said, the camera zooming in as she stepped forward and grabbed Sky's arm, pulling her back from the foraging group.

"Is something wrong?" Sky asked as the boys exited the building.

"Yeah," Eva grunted, "what's up with you and that pipsqueak Dave? He's always hanging around you like some kinda lovesick puppy."

"Oh yeah," Sadie spoke up, "I totally noticed that too. Do you, like, _like_ him?"

"You better not let some _feelings_ for him get in the way of your game," Eva said gruffly.

"Look, it's no big deal," Sky told them. "He's got a crush on me, but it doesn't mean anything. I'm not gonna let it distract me."

"You sure about that?" Eva asked. "Because you got taken out yesterday because of him."

"Th-that's _different_ ," Sky hastily explained, looking away and blushing slightly. "We were ambushed, I probably would've been taken out if _anyone_ had been there with me. Trust me, I am _not_ gonna let it happen again. And I am _not_ crushing on Dave."

Eva snorted. "Good. Because you can do way better than _that_ little runt of a man."

"Oh, totally," Sadie chimed in with a knowing nod. "Like, he _is_ kinda cute," Sky smiled and nodded, "but he's also kinda..." She trailed off uncertainly and looked at her stronger teammate.

" _Weak_ ," Eva grunted, earning a frown from Sky.

"Well I wasn't gonna put it like _that_ , but..." Sadie said.

"But nothing," Sky told them. "Look, girls, I appreciate your concern, but I have it _totally_ under control." She turned and left, but the camera lingered on Sadie and Eva as they shared a skeptical look.

/

"I just don't get where Sky went," Dave said, the shot cutting to him, Brick, and Mike walking together through the forest as the music became more plodding. "I mean, she said she was gonna come foraging with us..."

"I wouldn't worry about it," Mike told him as the camera moved in closer. "Maybe she just...had to go to the bathroom or something?"

"But why wouldn't she tell me-I mean _us_ that she wasn't coming?" Dave asked.

Mike shrugged helplessly. "Maybe we just...left too quickly for her to tell us?"

"But-" Dave tried to say before Brick suddenly stopped, forcing him and Mike to stop as well.

"Alright men," the cadet said as the focus moved to him, "here we are at the rendezvous point. Proceed with caution." He waved them forward before proceeding through the bushes and out o sight.

"Rendezvous point?" Dave whispered to Mike, earning another helpless shrug before they followed Brick.

The scene immediately cut to a small clearing as Brick marched in from the left, and Duncan and Owen walked in from the right. "Hey, man, what's up?" the punk greeted, raising his hand as he drew closer to his nominal enemy. "You ready to fish?"

"Yessir!" Brick said, the camera panning to the left slightly as Dave and Mike emerged from the woods with surprised looks on their face.

The shot cut to Duncan and Owen as their brows shot up. "Whoa, hey, what are those two dorks doing here?" Duncan asked aggressively.

Brick blinked, then sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I invited them to come foraging with us," he answered. "I hope this won't be a problem..."

"Hey, the more the merrier!" Owen said brightly.

Duncan just scoffed and looked away. "Pfft, whatever..."

"Well in that case, let's go find some food!" Brick said, leading his teammates forward.

"Yay...," Dave said unenthusiastically as he followed the cadet past Duncan. The two joined up with Owen and continued onward, with Duncan falling in-line with Mike in the rear.

"Sorry for intruding," Mike told him with a friendly smile as the punk walked ahead. "We didn't know there'd be anyone else with us."

"Whatever, dude," Duncan said in a sulking tone before looking back at Mike. "Dude, you sure we never met before?"

"Uhh...," Mike said, glancing around in nervous confusion, "I'm sorry, what?"

Duncan frowned. "C'mon, dude, we talked about this during the challenge two days ago, remember?"

Mike gasped in realization. "Oh! You must've been talking to Chester, one of my alters." A flat note played as Duncan stared at him blankly. "Uh...long story," Mike said awkwardly. "And...sorry, but I really don't remember meeting you before the show."

"Really?" the punk asked, scratching his chin and giving Mike a suspicious look. "Not even from one of the schools I got kicked out of?"

"Nope, sorry," Mike said with an awkward smile and laugh, walking off in the direction the other boys had gone while Duncan scratched his head in confusion.

xxx

Mike opened his confessional with a sigh. "Well, it's not like I was _lying_ to him. It's just that with so many blank spots in my memory thanks to my disorder, I really have no _idea_ if we ever met at some point."

xxx

The footage skipped ahead a ways to show all five members of Team Kinosewak gathered around the campfire in front of their barn, eating berries and roasted fish.

"Great haul again, Owen," Heather said with a smile, sitting between next to him in the foreground. "I _really_ appreciate it."

"Yeah, and I appreciate you loanin' out your lighter," Leshawna told Duncan, the camera zooming in on the two sitting next to each other on the far side of the fire. "I don't know why you have it," she said, holding out the lighter and dropping it into the punk's waiting palm, "but it sure does make this fire easier."

"Hey, no sweat," Duncan said with a cocky smirk.

"Yeah, happy to help," Owen chimed in.

The camera panned back to Heather as she swallowed a bite of fish. "Well, I guess we know we can count on you. Don't you think so, Rodney?" she turned and asked the hulking boy sitting between her and Leshawna.

The shot cut in closer to him, looking down as if in shame. "Heather," he said, giving her a sad look as an emotional tune began to play, "I... _fish_ , and...Leshawna!" He motioned from the fish in his hands to the girl sitting on his other side, the shot moving in front of him to show both girls giving him strange looks. "Shelter, I...gah! _Love_!"

His mumbled confession was cut off by the sudden whine of the camp's broadcasting system switching on. The Salmons promptly covered their ears and cringed, and shot dirty looks towards to the side.

"Morning, campers!" Chris announced, the camera cutting to the booming loudspeaker. "It's time to start today's fun activity!" The shot moved to the Bears' bunker as Sky and Dave opened the door and poked their heads outside to listen. "So, get your butts over to the meeting area, toot sweet!" He finished with a laugh.

/

The scene immediately flashed to the meeting area as the two teams filed onto the angled logs set up as benches. Chris stood between them, under a large television monitor that had been affixed to two tall, thick posts. Above the monitor was an electronic scoreboard that read 0-0, each in the color of the logo it was under.

"Step right up, players," Chris said. "Team Kinosewak to the right, Team Maskwak to the left."

The shot cut in close to Kinosewak's bench as Rodney and Owen filed in at the end after Duncan. "Hey, have you told her yet?" Owen whispered to his teammate.

"I tried," Rodney replied, shielding his mouth with his hand as he glanced to the side, "but the words just didn't come out right."

xxx

Rodney sighed. "I know I have to tell Heather that I'm breaking up with her to be with Leshawna," he told the outhouse camera, "but it's just so _hard_! She's gonna be so devastated even _if_ I use words to make it easier."

xxx

"Is _that_ what you were doing?" Owen asked in disbelief. "I thought you were trying to offer her your fish!"

Rodney gave him a stern frown.

"Uhh, never mind," Owen said quickly. "The point is, man, you gotta do it like _soon_. Just be honest with her and tell her what happened and...maybe try and take it one word at a time."

"But she's gonna be so _sad_ when she finds out," Rodney whispered, his shoulder sagging.

"And she'll be even _sadder_ if she finds out you've been lying to her!" Owen countered.

A sharp throat-clearing got their attention, and they looked up. "If the two large slabs of meat would quit _mumbling_ ," Chris told them sternly as the shot cut to him, "I have a challenge to intro. You can save your conversation for later."

"Oops, sorry man!" Owen said, the shot cutting to him and Rodney noticing their teammates' confused stares then looking over towards the host.

"Thank you," Chris said, bouncing lightly on his feet as he took a breath, opened his eyes, and smiled for the camera. "It's time we separated the _brave_ from the liars," he announced as a light but tense theme began to play. "The game is _Truth_ , or _Scare_!" The shot cut from Team Kinosewak to Team Maskwak, a mixture of confusion and dread appearing on the campers' faces.

"Every round a player is chosen at random," he explained, pointing up to the monitor above him. Its screen was divided in half, with each side spinning like the reels of a slot machine – the left showing the faces of the campers, the right alternating between a halo and a flame. The left side suddenly stopped on Mike, and the shot briefly cut to him laughing softly and anxiously and looking around as the host continued. "It also chooses whether you'll do a truth, or a scare. Halo means truth," the right side of the screen was forcibly stopped on a halo, "flames mean scare," and then to flames.

"Get a scare," Chris explained as the shot cut back to him, "and you'll have to perform a _terrifying challenge_!" he said with a dark and vicious grin, provoking a gasp from Team Kinosewak and an ominous musical riff. "Don't worry," he told Heather sitting on the far end of the Salmons' log, "not all the scares will be scary. Some," he pointed his finger close enough to the Queen bee's face to force her to lean away, "will be disgusting."

The shot cut back to the reels, the left still on Mike as the right resumed spinning before stopping on a halo. "But in this case, Mike has gotten a truth." A cut to the boy in question showed him sitting on the far left end of his team's log, gulping nervously as he stared up at the monitor. "This means he just has to answer a question honestly! But the answer," he leaned over towards the boy, startling him, "will be _revealing_! It will expose a dark secret that could _destroy him_ in the eyes of his newly found friends!" The music trilled ominously as Mike's eyes darted around in rising panic. "Or not," the host said with renewed nonchalance, "whatevs."

"But, uh, how will you know we aren't lying?" Mike asked, rubbing his neck nervously after Chris left.

"For that," Chris grinned as he took his spot back in the center, "we spared _no_ expense. Meet _Clucky_ ," he motioned down and to the left, the camera quick-panning over to show a normal-looking brown chicken walking over, "the truth-seeking chicken! No lie gets past this bird." Clucky looked around calmly as she was introduced. "She's former CIA and runs her own law firm: Buck, Buck, & B'gawk. If you have a secret," he gleefully told the campers as the shot cut back to him, "this poultry polygraph will pluck it out." With a flutter and a squawk, Clucky flew up onto Chris' well-coiffed head.

"Completing a challenge or telling a truth gets your team a point," he continued. "But, if you _fail_ a challenge, or tell a lie, your _whole_ team gets a shock."

A metallic clinking was heard as the shot cut to a close-up of Dave. "Umm, what do you mean by 'shock'?" As he spoke, Chef walked up behind him and put a metallic collar around his neck, the same clinking sound heard as it locked and crackled with electricity. "Also," Dave added warily as the camera pulled back to show his full team, himself sitting on the right between Sky and Brick, "what are these metal collars Chef's putting on us?" He motioned to Sky's collar as Chef stepped to the side and put one on Brick.

"You just answered your question," Chris said with a happy smile and a chicken still on his head. "But let me make it even clearer..." He held up a pair of single-button remote controls, a red one in his right hand and a green one in his left. With a squinting grin he pressed the buttons, and a dramatic note played as the two teams were electrocuted – first Maskwak, then Kinosewak.

He released the buttons, and the shot cut to the smoldering members of the Salmons. "These things have been tested, right?" Leshawna asked.

"Yup, I just did!" Chris answered with a bright smile. "And, you're still alive. Congrats. Let's start the game!" he said, turning to the other side. "Mike?"

Mike gulped again as Clucky fluttered over onto his lap, stared him in the eye, and clucked at him in suspicion.

xxx

"Well, this isn't good," Mike anxiously told the outhouse camera. "I'm really not comfortable answering invasive questions truthfully unless it's with my therapist, haha. My fault for not expecting them to have a polygraph chicken, I guess."

xxx

"Mike," Chris asked, the red remote in his hand, "we all know you have multiple personality disorder."

"Uhh...," Mike said, raising a finger to objected.

"The question is," the host continued unabated, "do you have any other alternate personalities _besides_ Chester, Svetlana, and Vito?"

"Umm...," Mike murmured, tugging at his collar nervously as he began to sweat. He looked to the side and saw Sadie and Eva looking at him expectantly. "You see...," he continued, his eyes snapping to Clucky as she clucked demandingly. "Okay! Okay..." he told her in a placating tone.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "The truth is," he began along with a drumroll, "I..." The members of Team Kinosewak were shown leaning forward expectantly with Duncan looking the most interested, then the shot cut to the rest of Team Maskwak doing the same. "... _do_ have more alters than just the three," Mike admitted as the drumroll concluded.

The others gasped. Clucky clucked at him in suspicion, staring deeply into his eyes as a tense tune played...only for it to level off as she clucked in confirmation.

"Clucky says, _that_ was a truth!" Chris announced as the scoreboard was shown dinging up to 1-0.

"What are you, like a mental clown car or something?" Dave asked. "How can four other people fit inside your head?" Both Sky and Brick shot him sharp looks, but he didn't notice.

"Care to elaborate, _Mike_?" Chris asked with a mischievous smile, and the music began to rise dramatically.

"Umm... _well_...," Mike said, closing his eyes and looking away nervously, "the thing is...I...," he looked back at his teammates to see all of them but Dave looking at him with varying levels of interest, "I...have one named Manitoba Smith?" he admitted sheepishly, the music leveling off into something calm. "He's like this adventurer," he explained quickly and with a small smile. "An Australian one, for...reasons I'm not gonna go into," he said, looking down and to the side. "He's kind of eccentric," he chuckled, "but, I mean, they all are, right?" He chuckled a little more, then looked down awkwardly and held his arm.

"An _adventurer_ ," Dave spoke up skeptically. "You expect us to believe you have some _adventurer_ personality that's never come out despite us being trapped in the middle of _nowhere_?!"

"C'mon, Dave, give him a break," Brick said, putting a hand on Dave's shoulder.

"Well, I mean," Mike admitted, "I wouldn't really mind him coming out either...for once," he looked to the side and muttered under his breath, "but I'm afraid it just doesn't work like that. He usually only comes out when I'm wearing certain types of hat. Again, for reasons that I'm not gonna get into."

"That's...why you wanted a fedora in the first challenge, isn't it?" Sky asked.

"Yup," Mike answered with another awkward chuckle. "Fedoras, trilbies, slouches, anything like that on my head and he'll come out sure as anything."

"Huh," Chris said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "not what I was expecting, but I'll take it. Hey Chef," he turned to the side, the camera panning over to show Chef standing behind the Salmons, "we got any hats lying around?"

"I'll go check the storeroom," Chef said before turning and walking off.

"Right," Chris nodded before looking back up at the monitor which promptly began to spin again. "And next, we'll have Rodney," he announced, the left reel landing on the farm boy, "doing _another_ truth. And the question is...," he began as the shot cut to him holding a stack of note cards, "in your opinion, who is _the_ most _attractive_ girl on the island?"

Rodney gasped, and Clucky landed on his lap with a demanding cluck.

"Uhh, could I get a different question?" Rodney asked, grabbing the chicken at an awkward angle and leaning forward to whisper at Chris. "I can't hurt those gals like that! Just look at those loving faces." As he spoke the shot cut to Heather and Leshawna on the left end of Kinosewak's log. Both looked rather tired and haggard, Leshawna yawning while Heather cleaned under her nails with a small twig.

"You're running out of _time_ , Rodney," Chris told him sternly.

"I, uh, umm, uhh..." the farmer mumbled in panicked thought.

xxx

"I know I should pick Leshawna, but I don't wanna hurt Heather!" Rodney told the outhouse camera. "Maybe I should pick someone else as an obvious joke, but who?"

xxx

The static cut away to him putting a finger to his lips as he looked around uncertainly, the shot shifting to follow his gaze across the girls of Team Maskwak – first to Sadie who perked up and smiled, then to Eva who scowled, then to Sky who raised an eyebrow. "Don't even _think_ about it," Eva warned, and the shot cut back to Rodney as he stiffened.

"Dude, come on!" Owen whispered, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him over. "Just be honest! I don't wanna get _shocked_!"

"But how can I answer that without hurting Heather or Leshawna?" Rodney hastily replied under his breath.

"They'll _understand_ , they don't wanna get shocked either!" Owen told him.

"But what about the break-up?" Rodney asked.

Chris cleared his throat, and the shot cut to him looking annoyed. "Get on with it, Rodney!" he told the farmer, and Clucky added an annoyed b'gawk of her own as the shot cut back to her, Rodney, and Owen.

"This isn't about that!" Owen hissed. "Just go with your _gut_ and answer the chicken already!"

Rodney gulped, and looked to the left at Duncan, Leshawna, and Heather all watching him irritably, then back to Clucky as she clucked again. "Okay," he announced, closing his eyes. "The most attractive girl on the island is...is...," he sagged. "I don't _know_!" His teammates gasped as the music spiked dramatically. "I can't decide, okay? I'm _sorry_."

Clucky looked him right in the eyes, then nodded in acceptance and clucked at Chris. The background music turned triumphant.

"Huh," the host said blankly. "Non-answer though it was, it was still the truth. Kinosewak gets a point!" He motioned up to the scoreboard, which updated with a ding to show the score at 1-1.

Duncan and Owen began to cheer as the shot cut back to the Salmons. "See, I knew you could do it!" Owen cheerily told Rodney.

"Yeah, man, good job," the punk said, slapping the downtrodden boy on the back.

"Uhh, _no_ ," Heather objected. "How am _I_ not the most attractive girl here?"

Leshawna snorted. "Probably cause _I'm_ here too. Poor boy clearly can't decide between us," she told her rival with a smirk.

"Please, as if," Heather scoffed.

"Actually, Heather," Rodney spoke up as an emotional tune began to play, "Leshawna's right. And now that the horrible burden of truth is lessened on my shoulders, I have something to tell you." He paused, and sniffed. "I-"

"Yeah, nobody cares Rodney," Chris interjected, the music scratching to a halt as she gave a short shake of his head. "Time to move on. Up next...!" He looked back up to the monitor, and the first reel quickly stopped on the athlete, and the second on a flame shortly after. "Sky! Doing a scare."

"Sky," he said as the shot cut to the wary girl and the music became slow and tense, "to earn a point," the camera moved behind her shoulder as Chris walked in front of her, "you will have to _drink_. An _entire jug_." The shot switched from zooming in on Sky to zooming in on Chris. "Of _mineral water_!" He produced a clear glass jug about two-thirds full of sloshing water.

"That's it? No problem." Sky smiled, taking the jug.

Chris took out a stopwatch. "You've got thirty seconds," he said, pushing its button. The background score immediately sped up, the clock ticking over it.

Sky put the jug to her lips...and took a small sip. And another small sip. And another. And another.

" _What_ are you...," Dave asked in disbelief, the camera cutting outward to show her teammates watching her. "Really?"

"Are you sure that's the best way to do that?" Mike added.

"Even _I_ could drink faster than _that_ ," Sadie chimed in.

Sky gave her an anxious look, then gasped for air. "Fifteen seconds," Chris told her with a smile, the stopwatch still ticking in his hand.

Most of Team Maskwak groaned. "This is as fast as I can go," Sky told them in a pleading tone.

Eva replied by grabbing the jug, shoving its mouth into Sky's, then forcibly tilting her head back so the mineral water started flowing. "Don't _explain_ , just _do_ ," Eva told her, Sky gurgling in protest as she chugged.

Dave immediately stood up and grabbed Eva's arm. "Whoa, hey, are you sure you should be doing that?"

"Yeah, I gotta object," Brick added, standing up with a look of concern. "Wh-what if she can't handle it?"

Eva grunted. "Fine," she said, turning the jug upright and away from Sky's mouth. The girl immediately gasped for air. "What do you think, Sky, can you handle it?"

The shot cut to Sky breathing heavily and looking at the other. "Yeah," she said decisively, "I can." She grabbed the neck of the jug herself and resumed chugging. The music became deep and tense as the shot cut from her, to the jug slowly being drained, to Mike and Sadie watching to the left, to Eva and Dave and Brick watching over her, and finally back to the jug again as the last drops of water drained out of it.

The music became victorious as Eva lowered the jug and raised Sky's hand, water dribbling down the girl's cheek and a dazed look in her eyes. "Yeah!" Eva cheered, and the rest of Team Maskwak quickly joined in.

"Yeah, great job," Chris said as the shot cut back to him and his stopwatch. "Too bad for you it's just five seconds too late."

" _What_?!" Eva asked in furious disbelief.

Chris smiled and pressed Team Maskwak's remote, shocking all six and causing Sky to fall over backwards off the log. "Sky!" Dave said in shock and concern as the other gaped.

"You alright?" Brick added, the shot cutting in close as Sky reached up and grabbed onto the log.

xxx

"Y'know that feeling you get when a volcano is about to go off in your gut," Sky asked the outhouse camera, painfully holding her bloated stomach, "and you have no idea which end's gonna blow?" Her stomach gurgled ominously. "Yeah..."

xxx

Now sitting back on the log among her teammates, Sky's stomach gurgled loudly again and the other nervously scooted away from her.

"It's a 1-1 tie," Chris told the camera as it moved back to him and the capstone theme began to play. "But, it looks like a contestant might get blasted off the island early, and we won't even need the cannon! Stay tuned to find out, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

Sky's stomach growled again as the shot hung on the full view of the island.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed on a close-up of Sky's rumbling stomach, the background music quickly building up into an intense peak as her hands shot up to cover her mouth and her cheeks bulged.

She burped. Lightly.

"...that's it?" Leshawna asked, the shot cutting to her, Heather, and Duncan crouching behind their teams log.

"Pfft, _weak_ ," Duncan scoffed as he stood up and stepped back over the log.

"What, did you _want_ her to explode or something?" Heather asked in a critical tone as she and Leshawna took their seats back. "Seriously, it was _just_ mineral water. This challenge is a joke."

The music became tense as the camera cut back to the monitor, the first reel stopping on Heather. "Well then Heather, it's your lucky day!" Chris said impishly just before the second reel stopped on a halo. " _Truth_ time!"

" _Eww_...," Heather said, looking at Clucky in disdain as the chicken walked over. "Just get this over with so we can _win_ already."

Chris shrugged. "Hey, your funeral," he said before raising his next note card. "Heather, for a point: what overall role do you think you'll have on this season?"

"Well I'll be the _hero_ , obviously," Heather answered with a smug and matter-of-fact pride.

The music became deep and dramatic enough as Clucky was shown giving her a one-eyed inspection, then fluttering over to the smiling host and knocking the remotes he was holding to the ground. She pressed the button on Team Kinosewak's with her beak, and the team was electrocuted.

"Uh, Heather's shadiness aside," Leshawna said after the shock passed, "why _exactly_ are the rest of us gettin' shocked when we did nothin' wrong?"

"Sorry, but you're a package deal," Chris told her. "Remember: if one of you tells a lie, you _all_ pay the price." A tense tune played as the camera panned across Team Kinosewak, starting with Owen and ending with Heather as her face fell upon seeing her teammate's glares.

"Eh heh heh, whoops?" Heather told them with an almost sheepish laugh. "Guess I should've thought about my answer a bit more. Won't...happen again!" she said with fake cheer.

The shot cut back to the spinning reels. "And next up, we have..." Chris said before the first reek stopped, "Dave."

"Sure," the germaphobe said optimistically, "I got nothin' to hide."

"Doing, a _scare_!" Chris finished as the second reel was shown stopping on a flame. Dave gulped, and Chris walked over to him with a mischievous grin. "Alright Dave," he said, "there are scary scares. Then, there are _scarier_ scares," he hunched himself over and made claws with his hands. "And _then_ ," Sadie and Mike were shown sharing a confused look, "there's _this_." he took out a note card.

"For a point," Chris said as the music built up ominously again, "you must... _kiss_ a person next to you."

Dave's eyes widened in fear, and he looked to his left at Brick. The cadet raised an eyebrow. "Uhh, I'd be flattered you thought of me first," Brick said, "but you're really not my type. And by the looks of it, I'm not _yours_ either."

Dave let out a breath of relief. "Yeah, sorry," he said, giving his teammate an awkward smile. Then, as he turned his head to the right, a touching tune began to play as he locked eyes with a faintly blushing Sky. "Well...if it's this or a shock," he said as she briefly looked away bashfully, "I guess we may as well...I mean," he rubbed the back of his head, "if we have to."

The two leaned towards each other ever so slightly with smiles on their faces.

xxx

" _YYYYYYYYYES_!" Dave cheered, raising his arms then pumping his fist one after the other. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

xxx

"Okay!" Sky said happily as the touching tune resumed. "I mean, we need to win this challenge, so..."

"Right," Dave chimed in. "It's not...like..."

"Yeah," Sky said with a light shrug, "it's just two people."

"Well if that's all it _is_ ," Eva spoke up gruffly, the shot cutting outward to show both her and Chris staring at the pair in annoyance, "then why don't you just _hurry up_ and get it over with already?"

"Yeah, clock's _ticking_ ," Chris added, pointing at his stopwatch.

Sky and Dave shared a look at one another and the music became tense, the camera zooming in as they puckered up and moved slowly towards each other.

Then Sky's stomach rumbled ominously forcing her to draw back as her cheeks bulged, and moments later she unleashed a mighty belch that splattered Dave's face with spit and shook the island. The shot cut outward to show a flock of birds startled from the forest canopy, and then it finished.

When the shot cut back to Sky and Dave she was covering her mouth in shock and horror, and his eyes were wide and his hair blown back. "I can taste your burp in my _eyes_ ," he said.

"Time's up!" Chris announced, a sharp note playing as the shot cut outward to show the full and shocked line-up of the Confused Bears. "And since your lips _never_ actually touched..." The camera panned down to Clucky as she stepped on Team Maskwak's button, and another sharp note played as the six were electrocuted.

"I'm so sorry, guys," Sky apologized. "It must've been the mineral water."

xxx

"It had _nothing to do_ with the mineral water," Sky confessed, her eyes wide with horrified concern. "I belch when I'm nervous...during tests, or," she took a deep breath, "when I'm near a _guy_ I really like. I'm starting to think that maybe Eva was _right_ to be worried about me messing up while Dave is around. I have to start _focusing_ more..."

xxx

"Next up," Chris said over another close-up of the spinning reels, "Sadie! Doing...a scare," he announced as the reels stopped on the lonesome girl and the flame respectively.

The shot briefly cut to the girl in question perking up before returning to the host. "Sadie," he said as tense music began to build, "for the point, you must pick your nose...and _eat_ it."

Sadie gasped. "I have to pick my nose and eat it too?" she repeated in shock.

"Whoa," Dave said as the camera panned over to him, "you weren't kidding when you said some of the scares would be _disgusting_."

Chris laughed. "Thanks, I tried. Now get on with it," he added sternly, shaking his stopwatch at the Bears.

The shot cut to Mike and Sadie on the end of Maskwak's log. "Okay," Mike told her, "you got this. Just...do it nice and quickly, and try not to think about it too much. It'll be over before you know it."

"Okay," Sadie nodded to herself. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then shoved a finger up her nose. The camera zoomed in on her grimace as she dug around her left nostril for a second, then pulled out the finger with a distinct booger on the end of it.

Her eyes still clenched shut, she whimpered.

xxx

"I _want_ to prove that I can do things on my own without Katie around," Sadie told the confessional. "Yesterday was a nice start, but that was, like, more a _have to_ than a _want_ , y'know? I _gotta_ keep trying new things or else this is all just gonna feel like one big waste."

xxx

A deep, dramatic note was struck as the challenge footage resumed on the close-up of Sadie and the booger on her fingertip.

"Come on," Mike told her as the shot cut outward to show the campers next to her, "you can do it."

"It's not gonna get any better if you keep waiting," Eva added.

"Right," Sadie said before gulping nervously.

She suddenly opened her eyes, stared at the booger for a second, then cringed in disgust. "Oh my gosh, this is _so_ gross, guys," she said as an odd, flat note played. "I'm really really sorry, but...I don't think I can do it." She hung her head in shame, and the shot cut outward as her teammates groaned.

"C'mon, Sadie, it's just one little thing!" Brick pleaded.

"Yeah," Sadie told him, "but this one little thing could, like, totally ruin my life! It would be bad enough being known as the girl who ate her own snot on TV, but I don't want _Katie_ to have to be the _best friend_ of the girl who ate her own snot on TV too. That's just too much!"

"Touching," Chris commented as the shot cut to him. "You can think about it while your team is being electrocuted."

The camera immediately cut back to Team Maskwak as electricity once more coursed through their bodies. All six of them groaned as it ended. "Sorry...," Sadie said in shame.

The shot moved back to the monitor as the reels began to spin again – and soon landed on Duncan and a halo. "Pfft, I ain't got nothin' to hide," the delinquent scoffed as the focus moved to him and Clucky jumped up onto his lap. She clucked at him suspiciously and looked him in the eye, but he just snorted. "Please, I've been interrogated by _way_ worse then some freaking _bird_."

"Duncan," Chris began to read from his card, "out of everybody on the island, who do you have the _biggest_ soft spot for."

"What kinda question is _that_?" Duncan answered in outraged disbelief. "I'm a hardened criminal, dude, I don't _ha_ -"

He was interrupted by Leshawna slapping a hand over his mouth. A deep tune played as the camera focused in on them, and he glared at her. "You better _think_ before you speak for once, Duncan," Leshawna warned him. "I don't wanna get shocked again cause you wanna be a _bad boy._ "

Duncan sighed as she took her hand off his mouth. "Fine," he admitted, "maybe I have just a _tiny_ soft spot-" he rolled his eyes and pinched his fingers close together- "for a couple of you dorks."

"And which one of those 'tiny' soft spots is the _least_ tiny?" Chris asked. "Time's a wastin'!"

The shot cut back to Duncan as he sighed again, then the viewpoint became his as he looked around at the other. The camera panned across Team Maskwak first, showing Sadie staring blankly, Mike raising an eyebrow, Eva glaring, Sky and Dave looking confused, and Brick sitting up straight with a bright smile on his face. The shot lingered on him for a few seconds, then quickly panned over to Heather and Leshawna looking at the camera with both of the girls looking at him with varying shades of disbelief. The shot then rotated to the left to show Rodney and Owen, the blond in particular leaning out and waving happily.

"Uh, I don't know, Owen, I guess?" Duncan finally answered as the shot moved back in front of him.

"Yes!" Owen cheered, pumping a fist in excitement while the shot briefly cut to Brick sagging in disappointment.

A cluck drew the camera back to Duncan and Clucky as the chicken got face-to-face with the startled punk, staring him right in the eyes. After a moment she clucked in disdain, fluttered away, and landed next to the two remotes that were still on the ground. She stared back towards Team Kinosewak as she pressed their button, and the shot promptly cut to them getting shocked again.

"Sorry Duncan," Chris said from off-screen as the camera focused on the smoldering delinquent, "but Clucky says you're lying."

"Aww man, really?" Owen said in disappointment as the shot zoomed back out.

"Way to go, _Duncan_ ," Heather spat, and the boy groaned.

"From here on in, I'm gonna suggest _better_ team play," Chris said as the focus moved back to him. "Maybe then then the score will get higher than 1-1!" he added, the shot quickly cutting away to the scoreboard. "Remember what's at _stake_. The loosing team will be sending someone home! And while I don't know who that could be there's already a couple good candidates on each team." The shot cut first to Kinosewak as Heather and Duncan looked around in a defiant sort of sheepishness, then to Maskwak to show Sadie, Sky, and Dave all hanging their heads in shame. "But hey!" Chris said brightly. " _Anything_ can happen! It's on to the Lightning Round!"

A fast-paced an intense challenge theme began to play as the reels resumed spinning, quickly stopping on Leshawna and the flame. "Pluck the feathers off a swan!" Chris announced. The footage immediately cut to a slow pan onto the lake with plenty of furious honks and snarls coming from off-screen. A few feathers flew into view, then the camera finished its pan to show Leshawna, bruised and scratched and smiling proudly, holding a large, embarrassed, and utterly naked waterfowl by the neck.

The shot cut to the scoreboard as it became 1-2, then panned down to show the reels landing on Sadie and a flame again. " _Lick_ a beehive!" Chris said with great enthusiasm, pointing to the girl and causing her to gulp nervously. The footage immediately cut to her standing nervously to the side with a couple of bees buzzing lazily around her; the camera then pulled out to show Chef in full beekeeper's garb holding a long branch out towards her, at the end of which was a beehive. The camera zoomed in as Sadie hesitantly stuck out her tongue and moved slowly towards the hive, only for a swarm of bees to suddenly fly out. The shot jumped back outward as she ran screaming from them, then the camera moved to her seated teammate as they all groaned. Clucky was shown moving over to their remote, and the seated Maskwaks were soon shocked once more.

The reels began to spin once again, this time landing on Brick and the third flame in a row. "Beautify a bear!" Chris called out and the footage moved to the cadet kneeling beside a bear lying on its back. He frantically applied dark eyeshadow, red lipstick, and a bit of blush to it, and it soon sat up, looked at its reflection in a hand mirror, and grunted happily. The scoreboard promptly changed to 2-2.

A pan down to the monitors showed the reels landing on Owen and a halo. "What is your _most_ embarrassing memory?" Chris asked, and the the cut to the big buy rubbing his chin and looking up in thought.

"Hmm...it's gotta be the first time I went hunting," he explained unabashedly. "I ended up sleepwalking the first night, got _totally_ naked and walked all the way back to town. I woke up in a _dumpster_ behind the gas station with a raccoon licking my armpits!" As he spoke the camera panned to the left across his shocked and slightly mortified teammates, ending with a shot of both Chris and Clucky gaping in shock.

The shot cut to the scoreboard updating to 2-3 in the Salmons' favor.

Then the reels landed on Sadie and a flame again, and the shot cut to the girl in question – now covered in bee stings – as she groaned. "Hold a _smile_ for sixty seconds," Chris read off gleefully.

The shot immediately cut back to Sadie as she groaned again, and moments later she and her teammates were shocked.

A cut back to the reels showed them landing on Eva and a halo. "Okay Eva, to get a point," Chris said as the scene moved back to the haggard Team Maskwak, "tell me: _who_ do you hate the most out here right now?" The camera briefly panned to Sadie as she slumped in dismay.

" _You_ ," Eva answered gruffly to Chris' shock. " _You're_ the one putting us through all this. Why, I oughta crush you right where you _stand_!" she said, her voice becoming angrier and angrier until she finally stood and lunged at Chris. The host gasped in terror, as did her teammates.

"Eva, no!" Sky exclaimed, quickly rising along with Mike and Brick and grabbing the iron woman.

"Let me at him!" Eva roared as her teammates struggled to hold her back. "I can end this _right now_!"

"No!" Sky countered, quickly getting around in front of the other girl and grabbing her wrists. "Eva, _stop_ ," she said sternly, staring into Eva's eyes. "It's not worth it," she said in a forceful yet calm voice as Eva's breathing began to slow. "That's it, just stay calm," Sky said as Eva sagged.

"...sorry...," Eva said, hanging her head in shame as her teammates hesitantly let her go.

The shot cut to Chris, frozen in fright with his arms held out in front of him. His eyes darted from side to side, then he resumed his usual posture and cleared his throat. "Okay then, uh, point for Team Maskwak!" he announced, a light triumphant tune playing as the scoreboard updated 3-3.

"After _all_ this pain and anguish," Chris continued, the shot cutting outward to show him and Chef and Clucky standing between the two teams, "you're still tied. Makes it seem like it was all for nothing," he added thoughtfully as the camera slowly zoomed in on the depressed-looking Salmons. "And while I could do this _all_ day," the shot panned across the similarly-downtrodden Bears before cutting to the grinning host, the remotes now in his hands, "seriously, I mean _these_ are _awesome_!" he said excitedly, looking from one remote to the other before stowing them away behind his back. He took a breath. "It's time for the game to end," he announced, earning a sigh of relief from Team Kinosewak. "Right after the _Sudden Death Round_!" he added with dramatic excitement, earning a gasp from Team Maskwak.

"A player from each team will go head-to-head in a duel challenge," he explained. "Winner's team gets immunity. Loser's team gets shocked, and, sends someone home," he said with a sly smirk.

The shot cut to the monitor, now showing only one reel containing the faces of Team Kinosewak and nothing else. After a couple seconds it landed on Rodney.

"Me?" the farmer said in surprise, standing up and stepping forward. "Well, I guess I can do it. I handled the last one pretty easily."

Heather crossed her arms and sniffed. "Really? I don't think so."

Rodney looked at her sadly. "Heather, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, I had to tell the truth!"

"Hmph," Heather sniffed. "I know, that's what makes it so _bad_ ," she told him, startling the hulking boy a little. "But I'll forgive you," she told him, " _if_ you win this for us."

"You got it!" Rodney said brightly.

xxx

"Wow, Heather's taking the break-up better than I thought she would," Rodney told the outhouse camera. "I guess she just really cares about keeping the team together. Maybe she won't even mind it too much when I tell her that me and Leshawna are dating now!"

xxx

"I don't really _get_ what's been going on with Rodney today," Heather admitted. "I mean," she laughed, "it's almost like he's not in love with me anymore. As if _that_ could ever happen. But," she happily told the camera, "I've got it _all_ under control."

xxx

"For Team Maskwak," Chris said as the shot cut back to the reels, now showing only the faces of the Confused Bears, "will be Sadie."

Sadie groaned, as did Dave. "Well, can it at _least_ be a truth question this time?" she asked hopefully as a deep and tense tune began to play. "I've got _loads_ of stuff that I'm willing to share!"

Chris snickered. "Yeah, no. In the Sudden Death Round there are no truths, only scares. You're not gonna get off _that_ easily."

Sadie scowled at him and stood up, then the shot cut to Dave as he looked at Brick. "Well, guess we're gonna lose this one," he said.

"No we're not!" Sadie protested.

Chris snorted. "You really sure about that?" he asked. "Or do you not remember how much you _suck_ at this?"

A deep note played as the shot cut to Sadie's scowl. "Well," she huffed as she walked over to the host and Rodney, "it's pretty obvious that this is just, like, one big...pick-on- _Sadie_ fest, isn't it? All you care about is setting me up and watching me _fail_. I'm just one big _joke_ to you, aren't I."

"Kinda," Chris admitted. "But hey, it's not like I _made_ you fail at the other scares, you did that on your own."

"Only because they were, like, _totally_ impossible," Sadie shot back. "Well," she admitted thoughtfully, "the first two were. But the third was still, like, _totally_ cruel."

"Then I guess you'll just have to make up for it with _this_ one, _won't_ you?" Chris told her sternly. He cleared his throat, then held up two cloth sacks – one in each hand, both tied shut. "The game is simple," he explained with his usual smile. "In each of these bags you'll find the opposing team's shock remote. First to undo the tightly-knotted string, get the remote, and _shock_ the opposition, wins the day."

The shot cut outward as he handed the bags to Sadie and Rodney. "Go!" he declared, and a deep and tense challenge theme began to play.

A close-up showed Sadie trying to untie her knot, a determined look on her face. It was followed by a close-up of Rodney doing the same, sweating nervously as his large fingers tried to get a good grip on the string.

"Do it, Rodney!" Heather called out, drawing the camera to Team Kinosewak. "Remember what's at stake!" she added as Leshawna, Duncan, and Owen cheered.

The shot then cut to Team Maskwak, Mike and Eva and Sky and Brick all cheering Sadie on enthusiastically. "Yeah," Dave added halfheartedly, "don't let us get shocked again!"

"Uggh! Oh no," Rodney stuttered as he was shown still fumbling to get a hold of the string. "My _fingers_ are too dang big!"

"You can do it, big guy!" Leshawna called out from off-screen, prompting Rodney to turn his head and the camera to cut back to her. "Go show 'em what you _got_!"

The shot cut back to Rodney as he smiled confidently, then renewed his efforts by attacking the knotted string with his teeth. The camera panned over to Sadie, who had loosened her knot but not untied it. "Urgh, why is this so _tricky_?" she griped in frustration as she kept pulling at the string.

The screen split in two, each side focusing in on one of the bags, and just as Sadie finished untying her knot with her fingers Rodney simply pulled the entire string off the bag with his teeth. Both bags were opened, but the right side slid away and the camera pulled back as Sadie tried to dump out her remote.

"Oh no no no!"she cried as she fumbled and dropped it.

"Sorry Sadie," Rodney said as the shot cut to him holding up his remote with a grin. He slowly raised a finger to push the button, then the camera moved to Sadie half-bent over and gasping at her opponent. A burst of laughter drew her attention to Chris, and a close-up showed her scowling.

She grabbed onto his arm, startling him. "Wait, what are you doing?" he asked with a sudden franticness, the camera following his look to the side to show Rodney, his eyes closed in triumph, finally pressing his remote.

Sadie and Chris were shocked, as were the rest of Team Maskwak.

/

A deep note played as the scene skipped ahead a little ways, the campers all seated and Chris recovered. "What an interesting day," he said in a strangely calm voice as a faintly victorious tune played. "Team Kinosewak," he motioned to the winners, "as winners of Truth or Scare, you gain immunity," he said as he walked over to them. Rodney sighed in relief. "You also get this week's fast food delivery," he took out a greasy paper bag, "courtesy of Humpty Dumpty's Meat Shack!" An elevator music tune began to play as the shot cut to the open bag lying on its side on an orange table; on the side of the bag was an image of the namesake egg-shaped character sitting in a horseshoe. "At Humpty's all the king's horses feed all the king's men," Chris said as a few horses ran into the open bag, which then tipped upright.

The shot cut to the team in question as Heather, Leshawna, Duncan, and Rodney all gurgled in disgust and covered their mouths while Owen just looked disappointed.

"Sorry," Chris told them as he stowed the bag, "but with Clucky around we can't serve much else. Contracts, y'know?" The chicken fluttered up onto his head, then nodded and clucked on confirmation. "Team Maskwak," he turned to the other team, "time to _vote_ one of you off the island."

The six members of the Confused Bears sighed and sagged in disappointment.

/

A flash took the scene to Sky walking through the woods apparently by herself, until Dave ran up alongside her. "Ssooo," he opened, "crazy day, huh? I mean, we almost _kissed_ back there..."

"Yup," Sky answered with a smile as the shot cut in closer, "crazy." She stiffened slightly as her stomach gurgled, causing both her and Dave to stop in their tracks.

"Uhh, you're still feeling bad from the _mineral water_ right?" Dave asked. Sky stomach gurgled again, forcing her to put her hands over her mouth before she nodded. "Well, uh, since I don't really wanna get burped on again I'll just let you know that me and the guys are gonna vote off Sadie tonight. I mean," he laughed a little and looked away, "it's _kinda_ the obvious choice. But, I mean, you're _in_ , right?"

Before Sky could reply her stomach gurgled even harder, and she ran away. The camera lingered on Dave, and he sighed. "I wish I could figure her out," he said sadly as he started walking back in the other direction. "Is she into me, or not?"

A belch rang through the air, and shortly after it a rather polite cry of "Sorry!" from Sky. Dave sighed again.

/

Another flash took the scene to the girls' side of the Bears' bunker, the camera again focused on Sky. She sighed, then looked up as she came upon Sadie and Eva – the former sitting on her bead, the latter leaning against a wall.

"Something wrong?" Eva asked.

"Not...really," Sky asked hesitantly.

"Great!" Sadie said with a forced brightness as she scurried over. "Just, like, if there's anything you need just _totally_ let me know."

"Uhh...," Sky said in confusion, raising a brow and looking to Eva.

"She doesn't want you to vote her off," Eva said as the shot cut to her.

Sky looked back at Sadie, who nodded emphatically. "I'm reeeeaally really really sorry I lost the challenge for us," she said. "I _totally_ promise it won't happen again."

"Well...," Sky said, looking away uncertainly.

"Hey, I'm fine with keeping her around," Eva said, walking forward. "If nothing else it'll really cheese off Chris."

A deep note played as the shot cut to Sky's close-up as she stared at Eva, then smiled. "That's...actually pretty appealing," she admitted. "But who do you want me to vote for instead?"

"Dave," Eva answered without hesitation.

"Yeah," Sadie added with an emphatic nod. "I know he, like, _likes_ you, but he's like _totally_ the weakest member of the team besides me!"

"I don't know...," Sky said, looking away. Her stomach suddenly started gurgling again, forcing her to cover her mouth.

xxx

"I don't wanna disappoint the girls," Sky anxiously told the outhouse camera, "but at the same time I don't think I'm ready to just...get rid of _Dave_ like that." She put a hand on her forehead and looked down and to the side, a concerned look on his face. "Do I really like him that _much_?" she asked herself.

xxx

The footage cut ahead to nighttime, the moon high above the island. The opening of the elimination theme was cut short as the camera cut to the campfire area, the Bears' logo appearing in the corner.

"The following Team Maskwak members are _safe_ ," Chris opened. "Brick, Eva," the shot cut to the pair sitting on a log together and happily catching the marshmallows tossed their way, "Mike," a close-up showed the smiling boy catching his prize, "and _Sky_." The shot cut next to Sky and Dave sitting together on another log, the gymnast accepting her prize. The boy smiled at her, then froze and frowned in sudden realization as the dramatic music began to build.

"Dave, you could be going home because you're a distraction to Sky," the host explained from off-screen, Dave's eyes briefly darting to the girl beside him who looked away, "and, you're just not that good in challenges."

"Sadie," the shot cut to the girl sitting alone and frowning in concern, "you could be going home for getting your team shocked repeatedly for failing at everything you've ever done," Chris's tone suddenly became much harsher, "and also getting _me_ shocked because you can't _accept_ that you're a failure."

Sadie scowled. "Hah hah," she said sarcastically.

"Yeah, it _is_ funny," Chris said with a bright smile, "because _you're_ the one going home!" The shot cut back to Sadie, her eyes widening as she gasped in shock. She looked to the side, and Dave smirked at her as he caught the final marshmallow in his open palms.

/

The scene rotated to the Cannon of Shame, the camera focused on a scowling Sadie in the barrel, the sombre farewell tune playing in the background. "W-well... _fine_ then," she said sharply. "Maybe I failed at a lot of stuff, but at least I _tried_! At least I put myself out there for some of the really _hard_ stuff, unlike some _others_ that I can think of!"

A dull note played as the shot cut to her former teammates, Brick and Mike and especially Sky looking sheepish and awkward as Eva glared at them. Dave, meanwhile, simply stood in front looking vaguely confused in Sadie's direction.

"I am my _own_ person," Sadie said defiantly as the shot cut back to her. "I can _totally_ do stuff on my own, and like one challenge doesn't change that."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that while you're being shot out of a cannon," Chris told her as he took out his remote and pressed the button.

Sadie was promptly shot into the night, but she didn't scream; her yell of "I'M _COMING_ , KATIE!" echoed across the lake instead.

Chris snorted in annoyance as the shot moved back to him, and the capstone theme started up in the background. "Ten players left," he told the camera with his usual fake smile. "Find out which nine will get to hang, while _one_ , goes bang. Next time, on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

This was, honestly, one of the most difficult eliminations I've had to write in a while. I really, really wanted to keep Sadie around a little while longer to develop her even more, but at the same time I really, really didn't want to eliminate anyone else. I did consider bumping next week's elimination up to here...but ultimately, I decided that one would work better next week. So, with no other obvious choices (especially since I didn't want Kinosewak to lose), I made the decision to eliminate Sadie with a heavy heart. I do hope that I at least gave her some development, though - she may not be good at a whole lot (or perhaps she's just not good under pressure, but I suppose that's up to the readers to decide), but she has a bit of a defiant streak in her and will stand up for herself when pushed. Also, she managed to electrocute Chris which is always a good thing. She didn't last nearly as long as canon, but she at least got some screentime. Plus she made it as many episodes as Leonard did in RotI...

Naturally, with Rodney not on the slate for elimination and not really getting picked on after succeeding in his first truth, Clucky's ending became much less...prominent. Sorry to those who were disappointed by her lack of freak-out, but the other characters were way more important in my mind.

Let's see...well, like I said, a few more revelations have been made. Such as Manitoba Smith's existence, even if Mike was solely Mike for another full episode. Plus, you know, whatever happened with Rodney and Heather...well, with him still around there's plenty of opportunity to get more use out of him. I've got a surprising soft spot for the guy.

Not much else for me to say, so I'm gonna look forward to what you all have to say. So drop me a review if you like, and enjoy yourselves.

Until next week,

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)


	5. Chapter 5 - Racers of the Last X

**Author's Note**

Jeez, episode 5 already? We're really blazing through this season now aren't we...well, I guess even after two short seasons it still seems like things are going by so quickly. As always, I can only hope that I've paced everything right with the season's various story arcs - especially since I feel this episode and the next are gonna be fairly important points in the overall plot this season.

For now, though, let's just concentrate on the reviews.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thanks!

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Yeah, eliminating Sadie was a tough choice to make. I';m not sure it was the best choice overall, that's something that can only really be certain in hindsight, but it definitely seemed like the right call when I made it.

 **Animation Adventures:** Haha, I'm glad you liked it. Nailing Sadie's elimination was tough, since she had to be sympathetic but also fail enough to make her the semi-obvious choice to get rid of. I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't able to do more with her...but I suppose it's just something that had to happen for me to write the story that I want. And, likewise, making Rodney NOT fail here was also tough, but I'm happy with what I came up with. It also showcases how the altered cast can influence the fate of the canon contestants - Owen being on the cast has just been such a blast for so many reasons, he's really fun to write when he's not just a string of fat jokes. As for Dave...yeah, he was definitely rather rude, perhaps moreso than I should've made him be. But, well, it served my purposes for the episode, and I'm glad you enjoyed my slight variation on the canon belching scene. And as for Brick and Duncan not doing much...well, it wasn't meant to be their episode, so i think it's okay that they were a bit in the background.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Oh, definitely. Dave has never been the most...self-aware person, and being in this cast has only made that more obvious. I might have even gone overboard a bit with it, but, well...it is what it is.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed the development and ending I was able to give Sadie. I'm disappointed I wasn't able to do more, but it's a necessary evil of having such a short season packed with such interesting characters. And Mike...well, it's not his fault Chris didn't press him after Manitoba was revealed. And at least he did tell Clucky the truth, which is what counts. Lastly, I'm glad you're enjoying Eva; she's an interesting character to have around.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Fair enough, I guess. A character is only as annoying as the author writes them as, so I'm glad I made you dislike her a little less. And yeah, while Dave has some sympathetic traits he's ultimately not a very understanding person, and it's important to have people like that around from time to time. As for what Rodney will be doing now that he's gotten farther than he did in canon...well, I suppose you'll just have to see.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Thanks, it's nice to hear that I'm making Rodney more likeable for you. I really do think he's got a lot of potential as a character, he just has to not be overdone. Sadie...well, I do feel like I could've done more with her (even if I'm not exactly sure what), I am glad that people are okay with the level of development she got. As for Eva and her temper...well, like you kinda said, there's a lot of ways to write it. I suppose it all boils down to how the other relate to it - if they find her anger justified, then they're much more likely to tolerate it. And then with Mike...yeah, I can see what you mean, and I definitely have been trying to address that a bit (moreso in next week's episode I think, but still). Regardless, I hope you enjoy what happens this week!

 **ashDanLand:** Thank you, and yeah eliminating Sadie wasn't an easy decision to make especially since I know that many people wanted to see her last a little longer. But anyway, I hope you like what happens next.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Yeah, definitely - I think there was probably a lot more I could've done with Sadie had the season not been what it was. Dave...I probably overdid a bit with how insensitive he was to Mike last week. I'm glad you're enjoying the Rodney-Owen friendship. Let's see...my writing process is a little bit involved. Generally for Shuffled I rewatch a season a while beforehand (usually during the preceding season) and write down some preliminary notes to guide myself, but most of the work is done within a week - Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are my writing days. I basically just make an outline for the episode on the first day, figure out what I want each character to do, and try to make everything fit together nicely. It doesn't always work perfectly, but it's been pretty good so far.

 **CVluvFoxy:** Ah, yeah, trust me I was pretty sad that I had to get rid of Sadie so early since she was someone I had such high hopes for. But ultimately my other plot ideas just seemed more important. Maybe in the future there'll be another chance for me to write Sadie, but I'm not sure. As for Dave...yeah, I think I did overdo his insensitivity to Mike last week; he's definitely gonna be the least sympathetic to Mike, but I think there was a line that I had him crossed that I shouldn't have. But yeah, it was a pretty obvious Maskwak elimination, but it's just because there's just so much of interest on Kinosewak right now! I'm glad you're enjoying all of them by the way. Of course, so is Eva - there's just so many sides of her I'm so happy to have brought out, like her pseudo-friendship with Sadie and her jealousy.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Hah, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's fond of Rodney. All he needed was a little bit of attention to show who he really is below that gimmick of his. Dave, meanwhile...well, he's just not that good of a person, and is a good illustration of how being unaware of how you come off doesn't automatically excuse you from it. I'm not gonna say what the future has in store for him, however; you'll just have to wait and see. And as for Sadie...well, I'm always happy to hear that I did a good job with a character I was uncertain about. I'm glad you enjoyed last week's episode, and I hope the same is true this time.

 **Commander Liv:** Yeah, you and a lot of other people, myself included. But, sadly, the overall story has to take precedent - it was a touch decision to make, but ultimately I thought it was for the best and I hope people can accept that.

 **MaximusTheMad:** Well, at the very least I'm sorry for having disappointed you with Sadie's exit. Like I've been saying it was a tough decision to make, but at the very least I'm happy that I was able to show her sticking up for herself, to the shock of Chris. I'm glad you're enjoying Mike taking center stage; he's meant to be the character, not his alters, and having Mike be only himself for a couple episodes I think has given me the chance to get a feel for who HE is - which is one of the thing I wanted to do this season. The couples...well, they'll be revealed as I feel is appropriate. I know I've been going a little slow with them, but...well, it's just what makes sense to me. And changes to the finale's structure? Honestly, I have no idea. I might give the others a little cameo, but I really don't know how anything about the finale is gonna go down aside from the basics of the challenge itself.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Fair enough, fair enough, we all have times like that. Anne Maria, like you, said, definitely has a lot of potential as a character, and its a shame she wasn't able to get onto a better season. But like you also said, its for the better that I didn't drag her stay out. Same with Sadie, in a way - I'm glad I was able to give her the development that I did, even if I would've liked to give her even more. A lot of the eliminations this season are gonna be hard for all of us because this cast is so good, and Sadie's I think was the first.  
Haha, I'm glad I got you interested in my plan for Rodney. I get why people don't like him, but after thinking about it I just really came to see him as kind of this goofy guy with a big heart who's just in really over his head, and I wanna be able to share that vision of him with my readers. And with Sadie, well, I'm glad you thought my decision to eliminate her was the right one. I was definitely keeping Leonard in mind while I was writing her, as a comparison between two minor characters getting developed over a short amount of time. There's definitely a lot of room for Sadie, though, and maybe I'll be able to show that at some point in the far future. As for Dave and Sky...well, like you said, it's still been pretty close to the canon track, but there's been some key differences that have already become apparent. I know it's been a little slow with them, but I think it's gonna end up being worth it.  
Mike and Mal...well, there's a lot that needs to be planned there, he's a hard person to get the pacing right with only a single season to work with. Hell, for a while I even considered Mike as the first boot simply because of that, but I'm glad I didn't. Heather I'm glad is going good and as for Leshawna...yeah, I think you have a point with her, and I do think I've gotten a better handle of what my problem with her character this season has been. And Eva and Owen...well, I'm just really happy with them so far, they've had a few hiccups here and there on my end but I do like the direction I've been taking them.  
And what, you don't like Duck? Or Dunk? Lol, I do know what you're talking about with that. But yeah...Brick is another character I've been enjoying, and I'll leave it at that. Duncan, though, I can understand where you're coming from. In a lot of ways he's like a fish out of water, there haven't been a lot of ways for him to really show off that 'bullying delinquent' side of his. It is, I think, a consequence of all the really nerdy types getting Shuffled to the earlier seasons meaning there's not a lot of people for him to really play off of. But, like with Leshawna I do think I've worked a bit of that problem out recently.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Well, as much as Chris gets off too easily...I don't know, I don't think the writers really wanted to showcase that kind of defiance with their early boots. But yeah, I'm glad you enjoyed Rodney's victory last week; for a while I considered having one of the other Kinosewaks take his place, but I figured Rodney would be more appropriate to showcase that he's not quite the same guy as he was in canon - not to mention give the ending a little more suspense. I might have gone overboard a little with Dave, taking my desire for him to not be sympathetic a little too far. Other than that, just a lot of smaller jokes that I'm glad you liked.

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Yeah, it's a shame but sometimes you gotta make a tough call and eliminate someone you had high hopes for. There's a lot still to be done this season; somebody had to be cut and it was Sadie's time. Whether or not Sky made a mistake in keeping Dave around over her...is something that will have to be seen in time. But other than that, I'm glad you're liking Eva - she's a blast to write at times - as well as the Rodney-Owen friendship.

 **bruno14:** Glad to hear it! And I'm also glad you liked what Duncan and Mike admitted about themselves - or almost admitted, anyway. Not much else to say, I hope you enjoy what happens this week too.

 **DSX62415:** True. I'm sure their off-screen reunion was tear-filled. As for this week...well, you're certainly right in that differences abound. I look forward to your reaction to them...

 **OMAC001:** Well then, I hope you like what happens!

 **Knifez:** Yeah, like I said when she was booted Anne Maria got screwed by the shuffling. I would've loved to see her take a shot at one of the earlier seasons that were more her style, but unfortunately that wasn't meant to be. The friendships this season have definitely been fun to write, especially the ones involving Owen since he's just such a fun guy. I can see what you mean about Eva needing a bit more 'oomph' and I like to think that I've given her a bit more lately, but maybe I'm wrong. And Heather...yeah, I didn't like how easily she managed to skate through canon TDI despite her behavior, which is why I've been having her downplay it in a way that makes sense for her - she's already seen that that sort of thing doesn't really fly. So while she can't perfectly deny her true nature, she's a lot more believable than in her canon debut.  
Yeah, Sadie was a difficult boot for a lot of reasons, and I suppose the fact that it meant three girls boot in a row was one of them. But, well, it had to be done. And I'm glad you enjoyed that scene with Rodney; I think the thing with him - and other characters like him - is that to write him good you need to treat him like a person instead of a gimmick, and have the other characters treat him the same way. So whereas canon Rodney was basically just falling in love every few minutes with little other interactions, here he's got a friend in Owen to nudge him the right way.  
The reason why I had Duncan lie was because, despite what it seemed like to you, the rest of Team Kinosewak besides Owen don't really know that Duncan and Brick are basically friends (I've tried to have it implied a couple times that Heather/Leshawna/Rodney don't really know a lot about Duncan and Owen's foraging trips). And I don't think Duncan would really want it known that he's friends with the enemy since it might put a target on his back.  
Yeah, I think I overdid it with Dave's remark about Mike last chapter. I guess it's just a product of me not wanting him to be a particularly sympathetic character, and him being a jerk to Mike as a part of that.  
Other than that, interesting predictions as always, and I'm looking forward to seeing your reaction and thoughts about this week's events.

 **Andy:** Oh! Thank you so much! It's always really nice to hear from first-time reviewers. And yeah, there's gonna be a lot of difficult eliminations this season thanks to the great cast and short time to show them off in. Sadie was only the first, but I'm happy that you (and others) think I did a good job with her for how little she was around. I'm glad you're interested in Mike and wanting to see more of Leshawna, I hope that I don't disappoint you in either regard.

 **TheHungerGames19:** Another new reviewer! Exciting. I'm glad you enjoyed my writing, though I do hope you go back and read the seasons you've skipped; just because you know who the winner is doesn't meant there's no surprises in store. Not much else to say, it's always nice to hear people's reactions to the eliminated contestants as well as their prediction for the future. I hope to see more of your reviews in the coming weeks.

 **graveexcitement:** True, true. Everyone has their time and place to be eliminated, and it's my job to figure out where exactly those times lie. But hey, I'm glad I made Sadie's exit a little bit enjoyable! Hmm...not much else to say even regarding Mike, and Duncan, and Brick...I just look forward to hearing your thoughts on this week's chapter, and I hope you enjoy it.

 **I. M. Poik:** Yeah, well, that's what I wanted to do with Sadie going into the season. Unfortunately, I just wasn't able to come up with an alternative boot last week that I was satisfied with, so I was kinda forced to get rid of Sadie a little earlier than I wanted to. As for Rodney...well, I'm gonna be writing the story that I want to write, just like always. But aside from that...well, I think the season is gonna have a lot to offer regardless of what happens.

 **Star Saber21:** Yup, just goes to show how much of a difference a change in cast can make - with Owen around to help Rodney out, he was able to survive his canon downfall. And, of course, Chris got something that was honestly coming to him...

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** True, last week's challenge didn't really lend itself well to thrill and excitement. But the revelations and characters interactions and humor still made it enjoyable, I think. I'm sad that I had to eliminate Sadie as well, but I do feel it was ultimately for the better - there's just so much more that I wanted to show in this season. And yeah, the pacing of the alter reveals has been a little odd, I know. I've basically been playing them by ear, looking at the challenge and deciding where it would be appropriate for one to show up or debut. And, well, this is what we've had so far. I do think I might've gone a little overboard with Dave last chapter, and as for Duncan...well, honestly, I'd say being stuck on an island in the middle of nowhere is about the worst time to try and have some fun.

 **link9753:** Mmm, good to hear it. As for Eva's motivations regarding wanting Dave gone last week...well, at the very least she doesn't like him. Plus, she did tell Sadie she wasn't gonna vote for her for a while. And regarding Mike...well, that's certainly an interesting thought regarding him and Mal. I'm not sure if that's how it'll end up playing out, but I thank you for the suggestion all the same.

And that's it for this week's replies, meaning it's time to take care of the usual business. **A TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

And, of course, here are our teams as of right now:

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Dave, Mike, Sky

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Owen, Rodney

Five on each team, but that's not gonna last. What's gonna happen next? Well sit back, enjoy the show, and find out.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 5 – Racers of the Last X**

"On the last episode of Total Drama," Chris opened, a long-distance shot of Pahkitew Island giving way to a clip of Chef clipping a shock collar onto Dave's neck. "It was a battle of Truth or Scare judged by Clucky the poultry polygraph," the host said as the reels landed on Mike, who gulped as Cluck fluttered onto his lap. "Where the competitors _had_ to tell the truth, or," Clucky was shown pressing on one of the remotes and shocking Team Kinosewak, "complete a scary-slash-disgusting challenge." The next clip showed Sadie picking her nose, but refusing to do anything more with the booger on the end of her finger. "Failure meant, _this_ would happen," Chris added over another shot of he himself pressing the buttons on both remotes, electrocuting both teams.

"Looked like something might be, uh, _brewing_ between Sky and Dave," he said over a clip of them attempting to kiss only for Sky to belch in Dave's face; he laughed as Duncan scoffed as he, Leshawna, and Heather came up out of the cover of their log. "But in the end, it was Sadie's continual sucking at everything she tried to do that lost it for Team Maskwak," he added over a few clips of the final round, showing both Sadie and Rodney struggling at first before Sadie fumbled and Rodney succeeded, shocking both his opponents and Chris as well thanks to Sadie, "and got her voted off." Sadie was shown blasting away into the night, ending the recap montage.

"Who's next to let their team down in a hilarious and hurt-y way?" Chris asked the camera. "Find out now, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A peaceful tune started to play as the episode opened on a shot of the moon, the camera soon panning down onto the armored barn of Team Kinosewak. Its large front door was shut and no light was coming from its windows, but the shot soon cut inside to show Rodney lying in a moonbeam on a large bale of hay, his hands behind his head and a contemplative look on his face.

He sighed, then sat up in surprise when a loud fart pierced the air. " _Owen_!" hissed the voice of Duncan, and the shot cut outward to show the layout of the level. Rodney was lying by the left wall, while Owen and Duncan were in the right corner – the punk currently sitting up on one of the longer crates that littered the room, and Owen curled up on another pile of hay like a dog.

"Sorry!" Owen whispered as the shot cut to him and Duncan. "It was the horse meat!"

"Uggh, whatever," Duncan said in disgust, climbing down from his crate with his shabby blanket and burlap pillow. "Now I gotta sleep somewhere else tonight and let _this_ corner air out."

"I'm really sorry," Owen apologized again as Duncan walked past.

The shot cut to the punk walking over to Rodney. "'sup, man," he greeted. "Hope you don't mind me crashing over here, I don't wanna be the one keeping us up or nothin'."

"It's okay," Rodney told him, motioning to a crate lying a few feet in front of him along the wall. "I was awake anyway."

"Yeah?" Duncan asked with mild interest as he walked over and started setting up his makeshift bed.

"Uh-huh," Rodney nodded. "I've been thinking about Heather. And Leshawna too."

Duncan smirked. "That so? I gotta say, they're feisty but they're both pretty hot."

Rodney nodded. "I know. But since I already broke up with Heather, I wanna focus on my _new_ relationship with Leshawna."

The shot cut to the punk raising one side of his unibrow and looking at the farm boy in confusion and disbelief. "Uh, yeah, sounds pretty tough..."

xxx

"Okay, how did a guy like _Rodney_ hook up with a chick like _Heather_?" Duncan asked the outhouse camera. "And not only keep that a secret from _everyone_ ," he motioned to the side with both hands, "but also hide the break-up too?" he moved his hand to the other side. "And _then_ turn around and hook-up with _Leshawna_ on top of that!" he exclaimed, raising his hands up. "Last time I tried that with a couple chicks, the whole _school_ knew about it in five minutes. Something doesn't add up with this," he said, crossing his arms and looking to the side, "and I intend to find out what."

He paused, then yawned. "After I get some sleep, anyway."

xxx

A lilting piano tune played over the morning sun, a bluebird flying by before the camera panned down to Sky picking blueberries off a bush. "And I guess that's when I decided I wanted to become an Olympian," she said as she put the berries into a wicker basket. "Sometimes you _just_ gotta go for it, right?" she asked, the camera pulling back to show her talking to Dave.

Dave's eyes widened at the sound of the question, and he looked back over his shoulder at her. "Uh, right! I was listening," he told her.

xxx

"I wanna tell Sky how I feel," Dave confessed, his hands on his knees. "She's all I can think about! I just hope I don't do that thing I always do," he said in concern.

xxx

"My older sister is my role model," Sky told Dave as they walked back through the forest together. "She almost made it onto the Canadian Olympic team for rhythmic gymnastics."

"Is that even a _real_ sport?" Dave questioned in an almost mocking tone, causing Sky's eyes to briefly widen before she gave him a confused look. "I always thought it was a halftime show thing. It's just ribbons," he said, twirling his finger around, "and music, and _useless_ running around," Sky's confused look turned to an angry glare, "looks so silly, and...uh-oh," he stammered, finally noticing his teammate's expression.

xxx

"Yep," Dave told the outhouse camera, palming his face, "it's happening."

xxx

"How dare you say that about-!" Sky said in outrage, stopping in her tracks and turning around to confront Dave.

"Wait!" he said, taking her off-guard. "I always say dumb things before I tell a girl I like her! Not that I'm always telling girls I _like_ them," he added awkwardly as she gave him another confused look, "just cute ones!" She narrowed her eyes at him in uncertain disbelief. He cringed. "Still...doing it...," he said to himself.

Dave took a breath, and a touching tune began to play. "I like you," he told Sky to her surprise. "What I wanna know is...do you like me too?"

xxx

"Who stares at a girl and says 'I like you'?" Sky asked the outhouse camera in disbelief. "That's not how it works! You're supposed to write it on a note-" she mimed writing out a note- "and give it to a friend of the person you like. Then she tries to pass it to the girl, gets caught by the teacher, and the teacher reads it out loud into class, _everybody_ knows that!"

She sighed. "Plus, getting into a relationship with someone who will eventually be competition makes no sense, especially when you're pretty sure he's _already_ distracting you."

xxx

The footage cut back to Sky and Dave looking at one another. Then, suddenly, Sky's cheeks bulged out and she belched right in Dave's face with enough force to blow his hair back. "Sorry," she said in slight shame, "that happens when I'm-"

"-nervous, I know," Dave finished for her. "So...was that belch a _yes_ ," he asked with a hopeful smirk, "or a _no_..." he frowned.

The camera panned to Sky, still hunched over with her hands in front of her mouth. "It was an 'I like you too' burp, but-" she tried to tell him.

"Don't wanna hear the 'but'," Dave cut her off, taking her hand in his, "let's just see where things go, okay?"

"But Dave-" Sky tried to tell him again.

She was interrupted this time by the whine of the camp intercom turning on "Wakey wakey campers," Chris announced in a taunting voice, the shot cutting away from Sky and Dave to show Brick, Mike, Duncan, and Owen fishing by the lake, Heather sleepily sticking her head out of the front window of her team's barn, and Eva looking up from the rock she was sitting on in front of Maskwak's bunker lifting weights. "Everyone gather down by the lake!"

/

The scene flashed ahead to show all ten campers walking to the lake together, sorted into their teams with Kinosewak in front and Maskwak in back. The shot soon focused in on Rodney as he walked behind Leshawna and Heather with a dreamy expression on his face, then the camera panned onto Duncan as he elbowed Owen in the gut.

"Psst, hey," he whispered, leaning back slightly and raising a hand to shield his lips, "did Rodney ever tell you he was dating Heather?"

"Huh?" Owen replied in a momentarily confused whisper of his own. "Oh, yeah, the other day. But he already broke up with her."

"I know," Duncan told him. "But did you ever notice her acting like she was into him, cause _I_ sure didn't." As he spoke he glanced ahead, and the camera briefly cut to a close-up of Heather walking along with a small smile on her face.

"Not really, come to think of it," Owen answered as the shot returned to the boys. "Maybe they've just been really lowkey about it?"

"Dude, we've been living together in a _barn_ for five days," Duncan said sharply. "Not _once_ have I seen them go off alone together, or even so much as _flirt_!"

"Well it's not like we're around them _all_ the time," Owen replied. "Like when we always go out to meet up with Brick in the morning."

"But don'tcha think _somebody_ would've noticed it by now?" Duncan hissed. "Especially since they apparently broke up, and now the big guy's dating Leshawna?"

"Rodney's-" Owen exclaimed in shock, his voice rising enough to force Duncan to clap a hand over the blond's mouth.

" _Dude_!" the delinquent hissed, and the camera pulled back to show Rodney looking back at them strangely.

"Uh, is there something wrong, fellas?" he asked, raising a brow in confusion.

Duncan smirked as Owen laughed awkwardly. "Nah, man, just talking about something we wanna ask you later after the challenge."

Rodney nodded knowingly. "Okay, I gotcha. It's only natural that you'd wanna come to _me_ for advice."

"Uh, yeah, right," Duncan replied, trying not to laugh.

/

A flash put the focus on Dave and Sky, a touching tune playing as Dave looked back over his shoulder, gave Sky a dreamy look, then sighed.

The camera focused on Sky as she narrowed her eyes uncomfortably, then the shot pulled back to show Eva walking behind her.

"What's with him?" Eva asked gruffly, the shot briefly cutting to Dave picking a flower up off a tall mound of dirt as he passed it, sniffing it, then sneezing. "He's worse than he was before. What happened to you focusing on the _game_ and not some stupid boy? It's already bad enough that you voted out _Sadie_ instead of _him_."

"I know," Sky whispered apologetically. "Again, I'm _really_ sorry about bailing on you last night. And this morning Dave told me he _likes_ me, and I _tried_ to tell him I wasn't interested but he just got the wrong idea..."

"Then give him the _right_ idea," Eva told her. "Don't let him get you into something you don't wanna do."

"I know, I'll try," Sky replied in an uncomfortable tone.

The camera panned forward onto Mike and Brick walking side by side. "Thanks again for letting me come foraging with you, Brick," Mike said. "I, uh, heheh," he laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, "I don't really, like, _get_ a lot of chances to, y'know, make friends." Brick gave him an odd look. "Oh no, I mean," Mike said quickly and frantically, "I didn't mean to presume that we were _friends_ or anything..."

Brick smiled at him. "No worries, Mike, of course we're friends!" he told the boy, slapping him on the back. Stunned for a moment, Mike soon laughed awkwardly. "In fact," Brick continued, "I'd say it was an absolute _pleasure_ getting to know you these past few days. Speaking of, though," he said, his voice suddenly becoming quiet as he held a hand up to shield his mouth from those in front of them, "not to pry or anything, but I _have_ noticed that you've been, well, _you_ for pretty much a couple of days now."

Mike laughed awkwardly again. "Well, y'know, that's the problem with alters, they're hard to predict. Two of 'em come out whenever they feel like it, the other two only come out if my clothes are right. But I'm not gonna complain about having a couple solid days of 'me' time, y'know?"

"Affirmative," Brick told him.

/

A flash took the scene back to the front of the line, the camera focusing in on Leshawna and Heather as they walked along in silence.

"So," Heather began with a friendly smile, "nice day, huh?"

"Yup," Leshawna answered shortly, not looking at the other girl. "For now, at least. I bet it'll get a whole lost _worse_ once we get to the lake."

"Oh yeah," Heather said in a knowing tone, "totally. I _shudder_ to think of what ridiculous 'challenge' Chris has in store for us today."

"Hmph, I hear that," Leshawna said, still not looking at Heather.

xxx

"Pfft, she can act as _friendly_ as she wants," Leshawna told the outhouse camera with a hand on her hip, "but that's not gonna make me trust her. She's _already_ been slippin' up here and there with that temper of hers," she crossed her arms, "so I figure it's only a matter of time before she pulls somethin' _bigger_. One of these days I gotta get the guys on _my_ side so we can vote her off," she finished, putting her hands on her hips again and shooting a narrow-eyed look back off to the side.

xxx

"Leshawna can be as standoffish as she wants to be, it won't change anything," Heather told the outhouse camera. "I still have Rodney in the palm of my hand, so I just have to get Owen on my side and I'll be _running_ this team," she said with a sweet yet devilish smile.

xxx

The team logos appeared in the corner as the campers were shown to have arrived on the beach. Floating in the water a few feet away was a speedboat with Chef in the driver's seat, and standing atop its bow was Chris McLean, his old red megaphone in hand.

"Today, we will be _laughing_ as you risk your lives in the Smash, Splash, 1-2-3, X Dash!" The camera pulled back as he gave the challenge title, revealing a pair of detached wooden docks set up alongside each other in the lake. Each had a large area at one end in the color of one of the teams as well a small rack along the back side. These areas were at opposite ends of the challenge area, and extending from each was a longer, narrower platform that ran right alongside its counterpart on the opposite dock. At the far end of those platform was a smaller square platform, dueling sticks in their respective team's color piled on top. Team Maskwak's platform was in the foreground and their colored area was on the left; Team Kinosewak's platform was in the background and their colored area on the right.

"Players," Chris explained as the shot cut to a vertical splitscreen of the two platforms, team icons starting on each of the colored areas and rolling along the docks 'towards' each other, "have to cross the beams, grab a dueling stick from the end of the dock," the rolling icons reached their respective dueling stick piles, "bring it back to yours, and place it on the end of the board." The shot cut to the short three-hooked rack sitting on the end of Team Kinosewak's dock. "Two dueling sticks make an X," the host explained as a pair of green-padded sticks popped into existence leaning against one of the hooks to make an X. 'Three Xs wins the challenge," he added as two more pairs of crossed dueling sticks popped into place along Kinosewak's rack.

" _Really_ ," Heather asked, the shot cutting to her as a sly and thoughtful look appeared on her face. "That seems a little-"

" _Anyone_ who messes with the other teams sticks," Chris leaned over to scold her, "will result in them losing the challenge."

"Okay, glad you cleared that up," Heather told him with a happy smile, Rodney looking blankly at her while Leshawna rolled her eyes.

"Only one team member may cross at a time," Chris continued. "If you land in the drink, that turn gets you no points, so use that dueling stick to swat, trip, or bat your opponent into the water. This will be _awesome_ to see!"

"Hah! Sounds like my type of challenge," Duncan boasted. "You Bears get ready to lose, cause anybody up against _me_ is gonna end up in the lake," he said, the shot panning back to show Team Maskwak – Brick smirking confidently, Sky and Eva scowling, Mike looking apprehensive, and Dave looking nervous.

"Uh, any particular order we go in?" Dave asked.

"You decide your own order," Chris answered. "But, each team member must go at least once."

"Yay...," Dave said, gulping nervously.

"Well, seems pretty straightforward," Mike commented as the camera panned onto him. "Uh, heheh, not that I think it's too _easy_ or anything, cause I _don't_...," he added with a nervous and awkward laugh.

"Oh don't worry," Chris told him, "it'll be plenty hard. _Especially_ for you. Chef?" he turned to his assistant and nodded, the man nodding back then standing up.

"Uh...what's going on?" Mike said slowly and with growing dread as ominous music began to build.

"Got a _present_ for ya, boy," Chef said with a dark smile, the camera pulling back to show him walking over with his hands behind his back. Then, in one fluid motion, the shot zoomed in at an angle, the music peaked, and Chef pulled out an Australian slouch hat from behind his back.

Mike gasped.

"Yeah," Chris said with a devilish smirk as the shot cut back to him. "It took us awhile, but we managed to get our hands on the hat you need to bring that other personality of yours out."

"Oh," Mike said, looking at the hat with dread, "I was kinda hoping you'd forgotten about that."

Chef cackled evilly, and the shot cut back to Chris. "Sorry, but it just caught my interest too much to forget about. So, _you're_ gonna have to where that hat for the duration of the challenge. Shouldn't be an issue since you were so _keen_ on bringing him out at the start of the season."

"Th-that's cause we were doing a _survival_ challenge," Mike sputtered, "I don't wanna bring him out _now_!"

"Don't care," Chris said, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "You're wearing it, and if anything short of getting knocked into the lake takes it off you then you and all your personalities are gonna have a date with the cannon. And if Maskwak then loses the challenge, that means they'll be losing _two_ members tonight."

Mike groaned, and Chef grinned as he raised the hat over Mike's head. "Manitoba Smith," he said, " _welcome_ to Pahkitew Island."

The music spiked again and the other campers gasped as Chef thrust the hat down onto Mike's head, causing the boy's eyes to lose focus as he inhaled sharply.

Then his eyes regained focus, an arrogant smirk formed on his lips, and fast-paced didgeridoo music began in the background. "G'day, mates, the name's Manitoba Smith," The Adventurer greeted in an Australian accent, the shot pulling back to show the rest of Team Maskwak staring at him in disbelief.

"...we know," Sky spoke up hesitantly. "Just...we're doing a challenge right now, and we kinda need to _win_ it, so-"

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, sheila," Manitoba replied, tipping his hat slightly. "Just let us _menfolk_ -" he reached out his arms, pulling in Brick from the right and Dave from between him and Sky, the germaphobe looking startled and uncomfortable while the cadet just looked confused- "handle the hard work so _you_ don't break a nail."

"Uh...," Sky said with narrow eyes as the shot moved to her. She suddenly stuck out her right arm behind her, and the camera panned over to show her holding back Eva, the stuntgirl looming forward and fuming with rage.

The shot cut to Chris being dropped off at another wooden dock by Chef, who was back in the driver's seat of the speedboat, and the host soon took a place next to the white deck chair and purple umbrella that had been set up on it. "Well with that all settled," he told the campers as a triumphant tune played, "iiiiit's _game_ time! Swim to your docks and wait for my signal to start."

xxx

"Great," Eva grunted. "I thought Vito was bad enough, but at least _he_ was just a _meathead_. Manitoba better watch his mouth if he knows what's good for him."

xxx

The scene moved to Maskwak's starting dock as Dave surfaced next to Sky and gasped for air, then Manitoba popped up on her other side with a cocky smirk and one hand on his hat. "Well then blokes," he said as he easily hauled himself up onto the dock, "let _Manitoba_ show you how it's done."

Brick and Eva surfaced next with the cadet promptly pulling himself up onto the platform as well, then the camera moved over Manitoba as he knelt down and offered his hands to Sky and Eva. "Here, let me give you two sheilas a helpin' hand," he told them.

Eva just slapped it away with a grunt and pulled herself up with ease, and Manitoba looked back at Sky. "Umm, no thanks," she told him as she easily got out of the water as well.

A quick-pan put the focus on Kinosewak, all five of them now on the dock as well though dripping wet. Heather grunted in irritation, and the camera focused in on her and Rodney as she wrung out her long hair and the farm boy looked away to the right. "Uggh, I was hoping that since we lost our bathing suits in that stupid _blimp_ explosion we wouldn't have to do any swimming...wouldn't have minded showing it off, though..." she added with an expectant look at Rodney. "Uh, _hello_? Any comment on that?" she asked after noticing that Rodney wasn't looking at her.

The camera panned to the right to show Rodney paying more attention to Leshawna. "Uh...dry..you, I...help?" Rodney stammered nervously as Leshawna shook her arms out.

"Huh? Oh, no thanks, I got it," Leshawna looked up and told him in a distracted tone.

A pan back to the left showed Heather scowling. "Whatever," she said, crossing her arms bitterly. "Just...somebody go first."

"I'll do it!" Owen volunteered enthusiastically, the camera moving further to the left onto him and Duncan. "I may not be the fastest but I'm _totally_ hard to knock down."

"Hey, go for it," Duncan said, and Owen ran off with an eager smile.

Another quick-pan put the focus back on Team Maskwak. "Me first," Dave volunteered. "We should save Sky's gym skills, and everyone else, for tougher players," he explained.

The piercing wail of an airhorn made him flinch, and the shot cut to Chris reclining on his chair. "Go!" he shouted, and a tense challenge tune began as Dave ran off down his team's plank.

"Be careful, Dave!" Sky called out after him, causing Eva to roll her eyes.

"Hahaha, _yeah_!" Owen cheered as the shot cut back to him running along. "You better watch out, dude, cause I'm _totally_ gonna knock you into the drink!" he called out to Dave as the two boys passed each other, Dave raising an eyebrow as he watched his fatter opponent run by.

Owen was shown picking up a red dueling stick from his team's pile, then Dave was shown picking up a green one from the opposite end of the arena. He looked back nervously down the course, and the shot cut back to Owen as he raised his stick high, closed his eyes, and let out a fierce battlecry as he ran back along the narrow path. Dave did the same though his cry was much more fearful, and the shot cut outward to show them running by each other without so much as taking a swipe.

"Seriously?" Chris said with an annoyed scowl from his seat. "Start hurting each other!" he yelled into his megaphone as the music turned deep and ominous. "Or I'll get _bored_ , and that will be bad news for _all of you_!"

"Alright," Brick said as the shot cut to Dave putting his stick on Maskwak's rack, "time to show 'em who's large and in charge!" The solider ran off with a confident smirk.

The shot then cut to Owen returning to his teammates. "Woo! Point for _us_!" he cheered.

"Yeah, and point for _them_ , too," Duncan pointed out. "I'm going next, I'll make sure only _we_ get a point this time," he said before running off.

Owen hung his head in disappointment, and Heather put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry," she told him. " _I_ appreciate your effort." He looked at her and blinked.

"Alright, time to make up for the balloon challenge," Brick told himself before the shot cut outward to show him and Duncan running by each other.

"You're goin' down, dude!" Duncan shouted.

"We'll see about _that_!" Brick replied. The challenge music ramped up as he slid to a stop beside his team's pile and picked up a dueling stick, Duncan soon shown picking up one of his own from the opposite pile.

The shot cut to them meeting again in the center, Brick swinging his stick at Duncan only for the punk to block it with the middle of his own. "Hah! It's gonna take a lot more than that to knock _me_ off!" Duncan taunted as he pushed Brick's stick away, then jabbed with his own.

"Likewise!" Brick retorted, batting away the jab then swinging his stick back down at Duncan; the punk ducked under it with a startled look.

"A little better," Chris conceded as the shot cut back to him, "but I'm still bored! Release," he said into a walkie-talkie, " _Scuba Bear_."

The camera moved back to a close-up of Duncan and Brick pushing their sticks against each other, struggling to get the upper hand. "Wait, what?" Brick asked in confusion, his opponent shooting a similar look back over his shoulder.

He was answered when a large brown bear wearing a diving mask and scuba tank jumped out of the water, roared, and swatted Brick into the lake.

"Whoa, dude!" Duncan said, looking at where the soldier had fallen. "You alright?" Scuba Bear roared again, earning his attention and prompting him to scream and run back along the dock. Chris laughed, Duncan reached his team's base, and Scuba Bear gave him a stern 'watching you' gesture. He then turned and gave the same gesture to Team Maskwak, and the shot cut to Manitoba helping a dazed Brick out of the water while Dave and Sky shot fearful looks down the dock, and even Eva looked wary.

The music trilled tensely as Scuba Bear bit down on his mouthpiece then jumped backward into the lake, and the shot cut to Duncan as his fear gave way to a self-assured calm as he put his dueling stick next to the one Owen had gotten. "Duncan completes Team Kinosewak's first X!" Chris announced all the while.

"Guess I'll go next," Rodney volunteered with a knowing nod. "I wouldn't want you to have to deal with that bear," he told Leshawna.

She scoffed. "Thanks for the concern, but I can handle it. Besides, I'm gonna have to go sooner or later, might as well be sooner."

"A-are you sure?" Rodney asked her as she walked by.

"Hey, if she wants to go, she wants to go," Heather pointed out.

/

A flash took the shot to Team Maskwak as Manitoba adjusted his hat, his back towards the rest of the docks. "Well then lads and lasses, I'm up," he told his teammates. "I'll just go take care of that big fella real quick and then the sheilas can duke it out with each other." He turned and dashed off, but the focus lingered on his teammates.

"How do you think he's gonna react when he realizes he's up against Leshawna?" Sky asked with narrow, wary eyes.

"I don't know, but I'm looking forward to it," Eva said with a small smirk.

The music became slightly more intense as the scene cut back to Manitoba, the shot zooming in as he raised an eyebrow. "Hold up, what're _you_ doin' out here?" he asked as the camera jumped back out to show him and Leshawna approaching one another.

"I'm doin' the challenge, what's it look like?" Leshawna answered roughly as they passed each other by.

Manitoba was shown grabbing a dueling stick, then running back. "Well I guess this'll have to be a draw, then," he said as he and his opponent approached one another. "It's not like I can hit a _girl_ after all."

"Then why don't you just sit there and let _me_ hit _you_!" Leshawna countered, swinging her stick at Manitoba as soon as she was close enough.

The adventurer frowned and blocked the swipe with his dueling stick. "Feisty, eh?" he smirked. "Well if that's the case-" he grabbed onto the end of her stick- "you brought this on yourself." He dropped his own stick to get a better grip on hers, then with a grunt yanked it forward pulling Leshawna off-balance.

"Whoa!" Leshawna said in shock, and another grunt accompanied a push from Manitoba as he shoved her stick back at her, knocking her over and into the lake.

"I might be a gentleman," Manitoba said with a smirk, adjusting his hat, "but that doesn't mean I'm not here to win. I gave you the chance to pass, don't blame _me_ that ya didn't take it." He bent down to pick up his own stick, then ran off.

The shot cut to a close-up of Leshawna floating in the lake; she growled angrily, then slapped the water.

"And Manitoba Smith gives us what we've been waiting for!" Chris announced with a giddy smile before the shot cut to the other members of Team Maskwak.

"Uhh...good job, Manitoba," Brick told the adventurer as he returned with dueling stick in hand.

"No problem, mate," Manitoba replied as he hung up the stick and completed Maskwak's first X. "Though it's not like I was up against one of their _strong_ players or anything."

"...sure...," Sky said with narrow and uncertain eyes, looking over at Eva who grunted in annoyance.

xxx

"I'll admit," Sky confessed, "Manitoba Smith _does_ seem like he has some skills. But on the flip side, his personality leaves a _lot_ to be desired. I just hope we can finish this challenge _quickly_ so we can get Mike back. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure _Eva_ might just push him into the lake herself," she said, putting a finger to her lip and looking to the side.

xxx

"And _Maskwak_ ties things up," Chris told the camera as it moved to him, the capstone theme beginning in the background, "proving that once again, every decision I make is a good one. I mean _come on_ , Manitoba seems like TV gold! Only question is, will Kinosewak be able to beat him, or will _Maskwak_ take the lead?"

It was then that Leshawna surfaced behind his platform and pulled herself up to it. "Not if _I_ have anything to say about it," she said angrily.

Chris looked from her back to the camera. "See for yourselves after the break. Right here, on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

"Whoa, are you alright?" Rodney asked as the scene faded in to him helping Leshawna back onto Kinosewak's starting dock.

"Yeah, for now," Leshawna answered. "But that boy is _not_ gonna get away with that again!"

"Maybe... _boards_ , and," Rodney began to tell her, a touching tune playing as the shot cut from a close-up of his earnest look to Leshawna's confused one, "and _Aah_! The _splashing_ , care not scuba."

A flat note played. "Boy, I have no idea what you just said," Leshawna told Rodney.

"It'll have to wait," Heather said, the shot jumping backward as she stepped over. " _Somebody_ has to go next," she added with a pointed look at the farm boy smiling dreamily.

"Well, why don't you go next?" Owen suggested.

Heather's face dropped in surprise for a second before she turned a smile towards Owen. "You know what Owen, that's a _great_ idea." She promptly turned and ran away, the camera lingering on her as she scowled.

xxx

"Uggh, the things I do to get in good with people," Heather told the outhouse camera, crossing her arms and scowling in disgust. "But more importantly, something is definitely _up_ with Rodney and Leshawna. I need to find out what it is, and _crush_ it," she said, looking to the side and pounding her open palm with her fist.

xxx

"Okay, I guess I'm up," Sky told her team.

"Good luck!" Dave said quickly and enthusiastically, taking her hand. "I mean, not like you'll _need_ it or anything, I mean it _is_ just Heather."

"...thanks," Sky said before tugging her hand away and running off.

A deep, no-nonsense tune began to play as the shot cut to Sky and Heather passing each other by. "I hope you're ready to outswim a bear!" Heather taunted, smiling and waving. Sky just rolled her eyes upon reaching her pile of dueling sticks.

xxx

"I don't really care for trashtalk," Sky confessed. "She can try to throw me off my game all she wants, but actions speak _way_ louder than words."

xxx

An ominous chanting started to play as the two girls ran at each other once more, Heather screaming as she prepared to strike and Sky simply smirking. The footage slowed down as she went into a feet-first slide, sticking out her dueling stick and using it to trip Heather. The pacing returned to normal as Heather let out a much more startled scream, and plunged forward off the dock and into the lake.

xxx

"Like. I. _Said_ ," Sky proudly told the camera.

xxx

A tense tune played over a close-up of a few bubbles on the surface of the lake, Heather soon surfacing from beneath them. The camera pulled back as Scuba Bear surfaced to the left, causing Heather to scream in fear and swim off towards her team's starting dock.

"Sky makes it back, finishing Maskwak's _second_ X," Chris announced over a shot of the gymnast happily slotting her dueling stick into place. "And now it's time for the two teams' most capable players to go head-to-head."

"Gladly," Manitoba said with a confident smirk as the camera refocused on Maskwak. He stepped forward, only for Eva to grab him by the collar and pull him back.

"He means _me_ ," she shot at him before running off, leaving him behind looking bewildered.

The shot cut to Eva and Rodney passing each other, then to Rodney picking up his dueling stick. "You can do it Rodney!" He perked up at the sound of Leshawna's voice, and the shot cut to his teammates cheering him on.

"Go, Eva!" Sky cheered, the next shot cutting to Maskwak to show Brick and Dave joining in but Manitoba just crossing his arms skeptically.

Eva smirked, then swung her dueling stick hard.

A sharp note played as Rodney blocked it. "Sorry, Eva," he told her with a smirk of his own as hers dropped into a frown, "but I'm not _that_ easy to knock off." He pushed his stick at her, but she didn't budge.

"Neither am I," she told him.

The tense challenge music resumed in full force as both began to push against each other, both trying to knock their opponent back but neither succeeding. The cheers of their teammates soon rose up over the music, and the shot cut first to Maskwak and then to Kinosewak again. Heather's eyes narrowed thoughtfully, a sly smirk formed on her lips, and then she let out a dramatic gasp. "Oh my gosh, is that _Scuba Bear_ behind _Eva_?"

Eva immediately glanced down at the water, allowing Rodney to shove her into the water as the music finally peaked. He ran back off down the dock, and the camera panned down to Eva as she surfaced with an angry splutter.

"Oops," Heather said mischievously as the shot moved to Kinosewak, Rodney setting his dueling stick on their board in the background. "Must've been something else," she called out faux-apologetically.

"Team Kinosewak catches up!" Chris announced from his lounge chair. "Each team is halfway there, meaning there's still _plenty_ of pain left to come."

The shot cut back to the rest of Team Maskwak as Manitoba sighed. "Well, I knew _that_ was gonna happen," he remarked, quickly drawing dirty looks from Sky and Brick.

"Hey, she did her best," Sky told him. "It's not her fault Heather played dirty."

"True, but it _is_ her fault she fell for it," Manitoba countered.

"Come on, you can't blame her for wanting to watch out for Scuba Bear," Brick said. "You would've done the same thing!"

Manitoba snorted. "Think again, mate."

Brick and Sky opened their mouths to respond but the sound of water splashing distracted them, and the camera followed their gazes onto Eva as she climbed back up onto the dock. "Save it," she said gruffly as she walked past her teammates. "I let myself get distracted, and that's that. I won't let it happen again."

"Well in that case," Dave spoke up, stepping forward, "I think _I'll_ go next. I mean," he said with a cocky smile, "I did a pretty good job last time, don't you think so Sky?"

"I...guess," Sky conceded. "But Dave, I don't think that-"

Dave held a hand up for her to stop. "Don't worry!" he told her. "I know you're concerned, but I wanna prove to you that I'm a reliable boyfriend."

"But we're not-" Sky tried to say, extending an arm as he ran off. A flat note played as her eyes narrowed warily.

xxx

"Okay, is Dave just like not gonna listen to me now?" Sky asked the outhouse camera, rubbing her chin and looking to the side. "Cause if so, that's gonna be a _problem_."

xxx

"Alright, time to pull us ahead," Duncan told his teammates before running off, a slow but tense tune beginning in the background. The camera cut to him and Dave passing each other, the punk smirking dangerously and giving his opponent a quick wave. "I hope you're ready, dork!" he taunted.

The shot cut to a close-up of Dave's nervous face as he gulped.

xxx

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea...," Dave admitted.

xxx

Dave was shown grabbing his next dueling stick from the pile, then just as he had in his previous run he raised the stick high, closed his eyes, and started yelling. The camera pulled out to show him running back along the dock...

...then Duncan appeared from the left, and the music spiked as he smacked Dave into the water with ease as he passed by.

"And Kinosewak completes their _second_ X!" Chris announced from the sidelines.

The rest of Team Kinosewak were cheering as the shot cut to Duncan rejoining them, adding his stick to their rack with a grin on his face. "Yeah, how do you like that?" he boasted. "The little nerd never saw what hit him, _literally_. Go ahead and tell me I'm awesome."

"As if," Heather said. "He only weighed, like, 50 pounds."

"Yeah," Leshawna added. "Not that I'm complainin' about the point, but it wasn't exactly a hard one to get."

Duncan scowled. "Well fine then, why don't one of _you_ do better?"

"I intend to!" Leshawna said, walking forward. "Gotta make up for losin' _some_ how."

"Are you sure?" Rodney asked in concern. "I mean...dangerous, and...and _bears_!"

Leshawna smiled at him. "Thanks, honey, but I was fine last time, remember? Don't worry, I'll be back with a duelin' stick before you know it."

"Okay...," Rodney said with a dreamy look. As Leshawna jogged off down the docks, the camera panned onto Heather as she narrowed her eyes dangerously.

xxx

"Yeah, definitely time to get to the bottom of whatever's going on with _Rodney_ ," Heather told the camera.

xxx

"Hope you're ready for another close encounter of the _bear_ kind," Leshawna said as the shot cut to her and Brick running past each other, the music once again becoming low and tense.

"Hope _you're_ ready for another swim!" Brick countered.

The shot cut to him reaching his team's pile of dueling sticks, but the camera panned over to the rest of Team Kinosewak waiting nearby. "Oh Rodney," Heather said in a singsong voice, standing behind the boys and tapping Rodney on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Huh?" Rodney grunted, turning first his body and then his distracted face towards her. "What's up?" he asked before glancing back in the direction of their dock.

Heather grabbed him loosely by the chin and directed his gaze back towards her. "We're... _cool_ , right?" she asked, the shot cutting in for a close-up as she smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes at him.

Rodney sagged a little and grinned dopily. "Yeah...," he muttered, a touching tune playing as the shot cut back to Heather, her face now bathed in a pink glow and surrounded by a border of cherubs and flowers.

"Good," she told him. "Because I've been a little _worried_ about how you've been acting around Leshawna..."

The camera moved back to the side as Rodney answered "True heart is all that safety can..."

Heather blinked, taken slightly off-guard, then smiled again. "Okay, good to hear," she said, letting go of his chin.

xxx

"That seemed a little _too_ easy," Heather told the outhouse camera, eyes narrow and arms crossed. "I think I'm gonna continue keeping an _eye_ on him..."

xxx

Once more the tense challenge music resumed as the static cut away to show Leshawna and Brick clashing with dueling stick pressed against dueling stick. "Hey, you're not too bad!" the cadet said.

"Darn right I'm not," Leshawna replied.

"Too bad _I_ have a couple years of military training to draw on in situations like these," Brick said, the camera moving behind Leshawna as he started rotating his stick.

"Oh yeah?" Leshawna replied, the shot catching her smirk before cutting back to show her abruptly step away and draw her stick back, causing Brick to suddenly lose balance.

"Whoa-oa!" he cried, windmilling one arm as he leaned forward precariously on one foot.

Leshawna drew back her own stick, then with a powerful grunt swung at Brick's face. The shot cut away to stars exploding out of a black screen, then cut back to a close-up of the cadet as he recoiled from the blow with a dopey, unfocused look on his face. "Doi!" he gurgled as he stumbled back a few steps then fell into the water.

"Too bad for you _I_ learn quickly," Leshawna told him with a triumphant smirk before casually walking away.

The footage skipped ahead to her rejoining her cheering team, sharing a high five with Owen before placing her dueling stick on their rack. "And with that," Chris announced, "Pimâpotew Kinosewak need only one more dueling stick to _win_!"

Waneyihtam Maskwak groaned as the shot cut to them. "Alright, time to take the kid gloves off," Manitoba said, stepping forward. " _I'm_ taking this one." A few deep notes played as he adjusted his hat, not bothering to look back at his teammates. The camera panned back to show Sky helping Brick out of the water, both looking anxiously towards the side.

/

A flash took the scene back to Pimâpotew Kinosewak as Rodney stepped forward. "Alright dude, you got this," Duncan said, giving the larger boy a slap on the back.

"Heck yeah he does," Leshawna chimed in. "Now go out there and show 'em what you got, big guy."

"Oh don't worry, I will," Rodney said confidently. He started to walk forward, only for Heather to grab his arm and pull him back...and into a kiss on the cheek.

"There," she said with an almost sweet smile. "Just a little good luck gift from me to you." An odd note played as the shot cut to Duncan and Owen, their brows shooting up in surprise.

Rodney uttered something incomprehensible, then stumbled off with a goofy look on his face. "...maybe that was a little much," Heather admitted sheepishly.

"Ya _think_?" Leshawna told her, giving Heather a sharp look.

The shot cut to Rodney and Manitoba passing one another on the docks, Rodney still stumbling along with a dopey grin on his face. "Crikey," Manitoba said, watching his opponent pass and raising an eyebrow, "I was expecting a fight, but this looks like taking candy from a baby!"

As he reached his pile of dueling sticks the camera moved back onto the other members of Team Kinosewak, quickly focusing in on Duncan and Owen as they huddled together. "Dude, what was _that_ about?" the punk whispered.

"How should _I_ know?" Owen replied. "He told me he broke _up_ with Heather!"

"They didn't look too broken up to me!" Duncan hissed. "We _seriously_ gotta get some answers, either from him or from the girls."

/

The tense challenge music resumed as the scene cut back to Manitoba and Rodney, now running towards one another with dueling sticks in hand. "For _Heather_!" Rodney declared, raising his stick high and swinging it hard. The shot cut to Manitoba as he easily ducked under it, then stood back up with a cocky smirk.

"Sorry mate," he taunted, "but you're gonna have to try harder than that."

A dramatic riff suddenly played, and Scuba Bear leaped from the water and landed in front of Rodney with a roar. "Whoa, this is my time to skedaddle," Manitoba commented before running off.

"I'm not afraid of you, bear," Rodney said as the camera panned back to him facing off with Scuba Bear. "I'm just as strong as you are. Plus," he raised his dueling stick a bit, "I have a _weapon_."

Scuba Bear looked down at the dueling stick with a blank look, then roared ferociously and brought his right forepaw down hard on it, knocking it out of Rodney's hands. "Uh-oh," Rodney said blankly just before Scuba Bear hit him in the face with his left forepaw, knocking him into the water.

"Ahahahahaha!" Chris laughed, wiping away a tear as the shot cut back to him. " _That's_ what I wanted to see. Keep that up Scuba Bear, or else you're toast."

The shot cut back to Scuba Bear glaring towards the host, then grunting and jumping back into the water.

Brick and Dave and even Sky were all cheering as the camera cut back to them, Manitoba rejoining them and placing his dueling stick on their rack. "And Maskwak makes their _second_ X!" Chris announced from off-screen. "They're catching up, but they still have to be careful."

"I'm next," Eva volunteered as she and her teammates looked away from the direction of the host.

"You sure about that, sheila?" Manitoba asked. "Cause I'm good to go again."

"Last time was a fluke," Eva answered gruffly, pushing past him. "It's _not_ gonna happen again."

"Well, I hope you're right," Manitoba told her, lifting his hat a bit and smiling cheekily.

xxx

"I can't _stand_ that guy," Eva told the outhouse camera, pounding her fist into her palm. "He thinks he's better than me? He's just lucky we're on the same team right now. The moment the challenge is over I'm ripping up that stupid _hat_ so I never have to deal with him again."

xxx

With a heavy grunt, Leshawna and Duncan hauled Rodney up out of the water and onto their dock. "Sorry, guys," the farm boy said, lying wet on his belly. "I thought I had him..."

A close-up of Heather's face showed her eye twitch as she smiled. "That's okay," she told him, "at least...we didn't _lose_ , right?"

"Exactly," Leshawna said. "We still only need one more dueling stick to win this thing, so let's just go get it."

"On it!" Owen announced with great enthusiasm before running off. "Yeah!"

At the sound of his cheer his teammates looked over at him in shock. "Whoa, hold on there!" Leshawna said, reaching out to him too late. A dull note played as her arm flopped back down, and she frowned in growing unease. "We gotta _think_ about this..."

The intense challenge music resumed once more as the scene cut to Owen and Eva passing one another on the narrow dock. Owen was shown eagerly picking up his dueling stick, then Eva was shown scowling as she picked up hers, and finally the two were running back towards each other.

"Woo hoo!" Owen cheered, raising his stick high and shaking it. "Time for another win for the _husky_!"

"No," Eva countered as the camera swung around to her, "time for a _loss_ for _you_!"

The music spiked as Owen swung his dueling stick, only for Eva to duck under it and out of sight. "Wha-?" he muttered in surprise, just before the camera panned down to Eva and showed her crouching. With a shout she thrust her dueling stick at Owen's legs, knocking them out from under him causing the big guy to fall onto his belly with a crash, landing on the side of the dock. A second blow moments later, this time to the face, pushed him backwards and into the water.

Eva snorted, then continued running. Her teammates cheered as she rejoined them, and the camera quickly focused in on her and Manitoba. "I told you I could handle it," Eva said.

"That you did," Manitoba admitted with a smirk, watching as she walked past him, "that you did."

xxx

"Aww man," Owen said in the next confessional, drooping sadly. "I really thought my weight would help me out here, but it _didn't_...now the others are gonna be mad that I volunteered to do this but failed. I...I hope they don't wanna vote me out," he said nervously, "I've been trying so hard to prove how useful I am!"

xxx

"Tie game!" Chris announced, the music becoming tense yet again. "Next dueling stick on the board is for the win!"

"Okay, I'll take this one," Sky said as the shot cut to Team Maskwak.

"Now hold on," Manitoba frowned, "I know the _strong_ lass pulled through-" he motioned to Eva- "but we should leave the most _important_ one to a man like me!"

Sky frowned. "Hey, I can-"

"Don't worry, Manitoba," Dave interrupted, "Sky's good at practically everything! She'll be _fine_." Brick and even Eva nodded or grunted their agreement.

"Thanks, Dave, I-" Sky tried to say.

"Well then, I can see I've been outvoted," Manitoba conceded. "Now get a move on, little lady," he said to Sky in a serious tone, jerking his head towards the right.

Sky sighed. "I know, I know," she said as she ran off.

/

A flash took the scene to Team Kinosewak as Heather stretched her legs. "You sure you wanna do this?" Leshawna asked with a skeptical tone. "Cause you didn't do so _hot_ against her last time."

"True," Heather conceded as she switched legs, "but this _isn't_ last time. I have her number now, and I'm _not_ letting the team down again."

She ran off, and the camera panned to her teammates as Leshawna let out a breath and shook her head. "For once I wouldn't mind if you were right, but I ain't gonna be shocked if you aren't," she said to herself, earning odd looks from the boys standing behind her.

The tense music continued as the camera cut to Heather and Sky running past one another once more. "I hope you're _ready_ ~!" Heather called out in a singsong voice.

"Oh, I am...," Sky replied under her breath, rolling her eyes in a close-up.

The shot cut to Heather as she arrived at her team's pile of sticks, lingering for a second as she bent over. She glanced over at Team Maskwak, and the camera pulled back to show them cheering for Sky.

"Yeah! That's my girl!" Dave called out enthusiastically, and the shot cut back to Heather as her eyes narrowed and a devious smile formed on her face.

xxx

" _I_ smell a weakness," Heather confidently confessed.

xxx

The static cut away to the two girls locking sticks as the music spiked dramatically. "So," Heather said loudly, "how's it feel having such a _crappy_ boyfriend?"

"Hey, don't call him that," Sky said in offense.

"Yeah!" Dave called out, the girls looking towards the left before the camera quick-panned onto him. "I am _not_ a crappy boyfriend! I'm a _great_ boyfriend, right Sky?"

The shot cut back to Sky as she winced, then glared. "Dave, you are _not_ -" she said harshly before getting hit in the face by Heather's dueling stick and falling backward into the lake.

"Yes!" Heather cheered as Sky surfaced with a furious splutter. "Talk about a free win," she taunted, leaning over and putting a hand on her hip.

The music spiked dramatically as Scuba Bear burst up from the left, splintering a portion of Kinosewak's dock as he broke through it and landing behind Heather. He roared and swiped at her, but she quickly ran off with a terrified scream. The camera lingered as he grunted in disappointment, then looked towards Sky who yelped and swam off. Scuba Bear grunted in disappointment again.

"Team Kinosewak wins!" Chris announced through his megaphone, and the shot cut to Rodney, Owen, Duncan, and even Leshawna cheering as Heather placed her dueling stick on the board to complete their third and final X.

Then the shot cut over to Team Maskwak groaning, Sky joining in as Eva helped her out of the water. "Sorry, guys," Sky said, "I got distracted again."

"Well at least it was for a good reason, right?" Dave said with a smile, earning glares from all of his teammates. "...right?"

/

The footage skipped ahead to a shot of the campers walking back through the forest, the camera quickly focusing in on Manitoba, Eva, and Brick at the back of Team Maskwak's group and just in front of Team Kinosewak.

"Welp, can't say I didn't warn the lot of you," Manitoba said without looking backward. "Maybe _next time_ you'll listen to ol' Manitoba Smith."

"Yeah, not gonna happen," Eva grunted, causing the adventurer to shoot an inquisitive look backward just before she swiped the slouch hat off his head.

'Manitoba' promptly stopped in his tracks, gasped, and went fish-eyed for a moment. Then his features returned to normal, and Mike looked around in confusion as the Floating Salmons walked by in the background. "Oh...crud," he said as he noticed Brick staring uncomfortably at him and Eva holding the hat up as if to tear it apart. "I...take it Manitoba didn't make a good first impression?"

"I'll fill you in as we head back to the bunker," Brick told him, cautiously moving to take the hat from Eva. She snarled at him. "Sorry, I know you didn't like him, but I feel it should be up to Mike what we do with the hat."

Mike laughed nervously as Brick and Eva looked at him. "I'll just, uh, hang onto it in case of an emergency, okay?" he told Eva as he took the hat from Brick.

Eva snorted. "Fine. Just don't be surprised if it doesn't turn out too _good_ for you," she told him as she walked on ahead, pushing past the two boys. A few ominous notes played as Mike and Brick shared a wary look.

/

A flash took the scene to Dave and Sky, walking just behind the members of Team Kinosewak. "I'm really, really sorry I distracted you again, Sky," Dave told her as she started straight forward. "But you gotta admit it wasn't _exactly_ something we could just let go. I mean," he chuckled lightly, "what kind of boyfriend would I be if I just _ignored_ a taunt like that?"

Sky stopped in her tracks and wheeled around on him. "Dave, I know you like me," she said sharply, surprising the boy, "but-"

"Oh, did you like wanna handle it yourself?" Dave interrupted. "Because I totally get that! Actually, I should've realized that sooner," he said, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck, "because I mean it seems like a good way to make me less _distracting_ to you."

"That's not-" Sky said before closing her eyes and clenching her fists and grunting in frustration.

"What's the matter?" Dave asked in concern.

"I just...I need you to just _listen_ to me for a sec, okay?" Sky asked him, opening her eyes again.

"O...kay, about what?" Dave asked in confusion.

Sky took a breath. "Dave, I know you like me, but-"

"Oh, is it just _this_ again?" Dave said with a small smile. "I already told you, the 'but' doesn't matter! What matters is that we _like_ each other, so we should just let ourselves be together."

Sky just closed her eyes, turned around, put her hands over her ears, and yelled out in frustration as she walked away.

"...Sky?" Dave asked in confusion, raising a finger before running off after her.

/

The elimination theme began to play as the footage skipped forward to the usual shot of the nighttime island. All five members of Waneyihtam Maskwak were already seated on the logs and rocks and barrels, Eva and Sky sitting on a particularly long one in front with Dave off to the right and Mike and Brick seated in back. Chris was standing at his podium, and the members of Pimâpotew Kinosewak were standing beside him.

"It's obvious he doesn't respect you," Eva hissed into Sky's ear as the camera focused in on them. "He needs to _go_."

"I know, I know," Sky replied in an unhappy groan. The camera panned over to show Dave looking at her, then turning his head to the side as Chris cleared his throat.

"To the victors, go the _spoils_ ," he announced as the camera cut to him and the Floating Salmon. "Compliments of Spoiley's Secondhand Food Emporium," he said, a game show jingle playing as he took out a greasy paper bag with the image of a spotty and half-eaten apple on the side, and presented it to the winning team. "Where _one_ man's trash, is _another_ man's tapeworm," he told the camera with a cheesy grin. "Think fast!" he said before tossing it to Team Kinosewak, Owen catching it with a smile while his teammates recoiled in disgust.

"Okay," he turned back to Team Maskwak and folded his arms behind his back, "it's time to vote."

xxx

The static cut to a four-way split-screen showing Dave, Eva, Brick, and Mike all casting their votes with little hesitation.

xxx

"Now," Chris said as the footage moved back to him and the plate of marshmallows he was holding and the widescreen TV he was standing next to, "one of you _gots_ to go. Eva," he tossed the first marshmallow to the strongwoman who caught it without so much as a flinch, "you're safe. As for everyone else, I'd say you all messed up pretty badly today," he explained as the camera cut to and panned across the anxious faces of Sky, Dave, Brick, and Mike. "Enough to justify any one of you going home! But luckily for Brick and Sky," the two in question brightened up as they were tossed marshmallows, "that's not gonna happen. _Yet_ ," he added with a laugh.

"But as it happens, four of tonight's votes were all for the same person," Chris continued, the camera briefly moving to the campers as they perked up. "I think I'll let _Sky's_ do the talking," he said with a devious grin, stepping aside as the camera focused in on the television.

xxx

Sky opened her voting confessional with a sigh. "Look, I'm sorry, but this _has_ to _end_. I don't know how much longer I can stand being around him, so I'm voting for Dave."

xxx

The static cut away to show Dave gaping in shock, a deep note playing. "Wh-what?" he stammered. "Sky, I...I thought you _liked_ me! You _said_ you liked me!"

"Hey!" Sky told him sharply, standing up to face him. "I said 'I like you _but_ ', but you didn't wanna _hear_ the 'but'! But that's not my _fault_! And after talking with the others about everything that happened today, I realized that I don't _wanna_ like a boy who won't listen to the 'but', no matter _how_ cute he is!"

Dave gulped nervously. "I'm...really sorry, Sky. I'm, uh, okay with hearing the 'but' now?" he asked her meekly, putting on a sheepish smile at the end.

Sky took a deep breath, and the camera zoomed in on her. "I _liked_ you too, _but_ ," she began with particular emphasis on 'liked', "I have a _boyfriend_ back home!"

The music spiked, and her teammates gasped. " _WHAT_?!" Dave – and Eva – exclaimed at the same time.

"That's one of the _many_ reasons why I'm not interested in dating someone on the show," Sky continued, still looking harshly at the dumbfounded Dave. "I'm sorry if I led you on a little, but you _never_ gave me a chance to clear things up before now. And because of _that_ , you lost what little chance you _ever_ had of becoming my boyfriend, got it?"

The shot cut back to Dave as he gripped the sides of his head with wide, horrified eyes. "Y-you have a _boyfriend_?!" he said in shock. "A _BOYFRIEND_?!" he repeated, now standing up furiously.

"YES!" Sky replied, throwing up her arms. She growled in frustration, then turned around. "Chris, would you _please_ get this ceremony over with already?!"

Chris was laughing as the shot cut to him, and he wiped away a tear. "Yeah, fine," he said. "It's just so _hilarious_."

/

A flash took the scene to the Cannon of Shame, Dave loaded into its barrel and sobbing loudly. "Sky," he moaned as the somber farewell theme played in the background, "I thought you were the one!"

"Sorry, bro," Chris said as the camera panned down to him and the remote in his hand, "but you kinda brought this on yourself. Maybe take this as a learning experience about why showmances are a bad idea. Or not, it'll be funnier that way," he said with a shrug before happily pressing the button.

Dave was shot into the night, his final sobbing yell of "I love you, Sky!" trailing off over the lake.

The camera cut back to Chris as he sighed contentedly, then panned up to the remains of Team Maskwak watching from the edge of the elimination area, Sky in particular taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. The shot focused then in on Eva as she hung her head.

xxx

"I feel so... _ashamed_ right now," Eva confessed, clasping her hands in front of her. "I spent so much time getting Sky to realize how _dumb_ Dave was, only for her to already have some _boyfriend_?" She groaned miserably and held her head in her hands. "She's _never_ gonna like me now, I'm such a _hypocrite_..."

xxx

The capstone theme began to play as the scene moved back to Chris, still standing by the Cannon of Shame. "Love is _such_ a fickle creature," he told the camera with a smile. "Wanna know who's next to be gone? It won't be long! Right here, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

Props to anyone who knows what the title is referencing.

But yeah, Dave finally went home. My goal with his subplot was to have it start off developing the same as canon, but for little differences to accumulate here and there until, eventually, Sky got fed up with him and finally voted him out at an appropriate point. That point, I decided, was after the infamous 'but' happened - the point in canon that I feel really marked the shift between the Dave that was kinda sympathetic, and the Dave that was deluded and disrespectful towards his crush. The lesson here folks is that you should always listen to the ones you love and hear them out, and that if someone who says they love you doesn't do the same for you then it's absolutely okay to not want anything to do with them anymore.

And, of course, with Dave gone and Sky's boyfriend revealed (even if all the circumstances regarding that relationship haven't been), Eva finally confirms what a lot of you have been thinking, that she's crushing on Sky.

Speaking of crushes, Rodney's back on the Heather bandwagon, though now both Duncan AND Owen are a little...suspicious about it, I'd say?

Oh, and Manitoba Smith finally turned up, and didn't exactly make a good first impression with Mike's friends. As for the others...well, not a lot to say about them. Though even the ones who didn't have much focus this week will still at least take *something* from this episode. In a way, at least...

Overall, this episode was probably the most different in terms of structure in a long time. Without the Shawn subplot I had more time to devote to the challenge; without Topher around to make Chris insecure the Slowtox jokes had to be cut; and without that and Ella there wasn't really a good way to have Scuba Bear attack Chris, which was my biggest regret. I'm sorry for disappointing those of you who wanted to see that stuff, it just wasn't in the cards.

So, that's it for this week - arguably the last of the truly easy eliminations this season. Things, I think, are definitely gonna start heating up from here, so I hope you're all looking forward to the next episode. And I hope I can deliver one that meets all of our expectations.

Until then, enjoy yourselves.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)


	6. Chapter 6 - Mo' Monkey, Mo' Problem

**Author's Note**

Welcome back, everyone! I hope you're ready for today's episode, because I'm eager to show off what I have for you. Props to anyone who guessed that the title of last week's episode was a reference to Raiders of the Lost Ark; though in retrospect I guess it wasn't that much of a stretch to connect the two especially with Manitoba Smith's debut.

But enough of that - onto the reviews!

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Thanks, as always!

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thank you!

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Exactly, it was Dave's time to go. And as for Eva's feelings...well, they'll be explained a little more this time.

 **Animation Adventures:** Well, I'm glad I was able to fill the time Shawn left behind and still keep everything interesting. Though I suppose it would be hard not to... And yeah, Rodney's the type of character that needs some focus in-universe to shine, really. He was basically just ignored or dismissed in canon, so having his teammates actually pay attention to him feels like a natural and refreshing change to me. Chris is in a way the ultimate villain of the season and the series, so I've been trying to make him even more of a villainous jerk this time around - and forcing Mike to switch to Manitoba is a part of that. As for the others...well, I'm certainly glad they're all in character. You're definitely right that Heather hasn't had much of a villainous impact yet, but that's a consequence of the team she's on - there simply haven't been many opportunities or good reason to pull her weight as a villain, not when there's easier ways to get people eliminated.

 **jaqwon14:** Yeah, definitely - Dave's canon tenure should've ended way sooner, and I'm glad I was able to fix that mistake. There's so much more to do with this season and cast that waste time on someone who feels entitled to a girl. Regarding Mike, my opinion of him has honestly fluctuated quite a bit over the years; I started off liking him like most people, but as I learned more - especially from those who were harmed by his portrayal - the less I liked him as a character. Heck, I even considered having him be the first boot for this season at some point! But now, I've warmed up slightly to him again, but only because I've been writing him - he's someone who deserves a second chance with a better writer behind the wheels after the travesty of All-Stars. Regarding your second question, I do think Zoey would've been better had she and Mike been separated in canon, but I doubt Mike would've been as the main problem was who was writing him.

 **PhantomlordJ:** Always glad to hear a drastic shift in an episode is for the better. I think I definitely agree with you that Pahkitew Island was a very cast-driven season; without the interactions the challenges can only do so much. Dave...I don't think he was ever especially bland; he certainly stood out as a character with personality in canon, and here as well I think. It's just that he's sort of a reactive character - he needs other people to play off of, he can't really stand out much on his own besides the germaphobe thing. Other than that, I'm glad you're liking how things are going down with the various subplots; cross-team interactions are admittedly limited right now outside of the boys simply because there's not much reason for the teams to visit each other and such. Other than that interesting predictions, and I look forward to your next review.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Honestly, I knew from the beginning that I wanted the Dave-Sky subplot to be much shorter than in canon, as it's an ugly thing and it gets in the way of more personally-interesting plots. But you are right that all of the characters still have reasons to stay around pretty much, and it's only gonna get harder for me to decide who to go next each week. There's still definitely a few things for me to work on, like Duncan's lack of overtly bad actions; those, like everything else, will hopefully get better with time. And don't worry - I'm not doing the same ridiculous sort of ending that canon did with this episode, so no bullshit coin flips only for that team to essentially lose anyway.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Yeah, that's pretty much the start of what I see in them - Eva and Sky have a lot in common while still being distinctly different, and I hope I can display their dynamic well. As for secrets...well, it's more of a necessity for me to reveal them as I have been rather than a theme of the season. I gotta work with what I have, you know? And in that case that's a bunch of characters with dramatic secrets. And yeah, Rodney needs somebody on his side to really work as a character - and I think I've given him that with Owen, at least to an extent. Manitoba...well, you're right that he never really stood a chance at being liked, not without me writing him out-of-character. But hey, who knows what could happen with him. And Dave...yeah, he was basically the early villain of the season, not very likeable between his rudeness towards Mike and Sky. Like you said there just wasn't much else to him, so I was more than happy to see him off last week. Your fic idea seems a little...dark for my tastes, and I'm not especially a fan of the 'Mike's alters get split up' thing, but I can definitely see Dave going that far. So good luck with it.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Hey, can't ask for more than that. I'm glad my decision to eliminate Dave early has pleased you and others (though I was fairly certain it would be well-received regardless). Eva...I'm honestly not sure if she's lesbian or bi here. Taking canon into account she'd be bi since she was attracted to Justin, but I'm not sure if I'd have that hold true here. But oh well, it doesn't really matter too much. This week there IS an elimination, so keep that in mind - next week is a non-elimination, though.

 **Glowing Insanity:** No problem, no problem. I'm glad you've been enjoying it, and I'm glad you liked Sky finally tell off Dave.

 **graveexcitement:** Exactly - prior to that in canon t did look like they'd eventually hook up and it was all sweet, but then Dave stopped listening to what Sky actually wanted which is a major red flag, I think. But I'm glad you enjoyed Heather's exploitation of that 'relationship'; I've enjoyed having her play a smarter, more subtle game than her first season in canon. It's a consequence of seeing so many villains try their hands at the show before her, and ultimately fail - she has a much better idea of what she can probably get away with than canon Heather did at first. And I'm also happy you're looking forward to more Eva/Sky stuff :) As for what happens with Rodney this week...well, read on and find out.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Haha, glad to hear it! And yeah, Dave was definitely worse than Cody, who at least managed to listen to Gwen and accept that he didn't stand a chance (for season one, at least). Dave did have his sympathetic moments, like you said, but ultimately he was just a bad person. But thankfully, due to the nature of the Shuffledverse, Sky wised up sooner thanks to Eva being by her side. Speaking of Eva, her feelings about this whole incident will be explored and explained more as time goes on... That aside, I'm glad you're liking my version of Duncan. The situation he's in has definitely forced his better attributes to come to the fore, though that's not to say his bad self isn't still in there. And as for Heather and Leshawna...well, it looks like they're just as great for you to read as they are for me to write. I hope you enjoy what happens next!

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Ehh, I wouldn't quite call him the _nastiest_ , but he _is_ still a bad person - particularly because of his approach to a potential relationship with Sky. But anyway, my reasoning behind Eva's crush on Sky is that Sky is calm and supportive while also being competitive, and I think Eva would really appreciate someone like that. Other than that, interesting thoughts and predictions and I hope you enjoy this week's episode!

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Ah, well, I'm glad to get Eva's crush on Sky out into the open as well, as I feel it'll make them both a lot more interesting now. Especially with Dave out of the way... And yeah, if Manitoba hadn't been a part of Mike he likely would've been eliminated by now. He's got his good points, true, but his bad points are rather more noticeable. As for Rodney's plot...well, only time will tell how long he lasts.

 **Klimmatt:** Thanks! Yeah, Manitoba might be useful but that doesn't automatically mean people want him around. And Dave...well, he was never especially useful to begin with, and I'm glad to be rid of him. And you know what, come to think of it you're right - why DID Dave want to sign up for the show? He's got so many thing's hes unwilling to do, and its hard to imagine him not knowing what he was doing or thinking he had a serious shot at winning. Maybe he was always more delusional than we realized? Well, on the flip side, you do have a point that he would've been interesting to develop with no Sky around, though he may have just started crushing on some other girl instead, Maybe that's why he auditioned, to meet new girls? Who knows. It's not really something I'm able to explore right now, to be honest.

 **MaximusTheMad:** Honestly, Chris was definitely this bad in canon (if not in exactly the same ways) and it just seems natural for me to carry it over. He's basically tired of dealing with teenagers but doesn't want to leave his cushy job, so he takes his frustration out on the kids in order to entertain himself. He is, in a way, the main villain of the season. As for Manitoba, he honestly didn't appear that much in canon, though he was definitely chauvinistic. Since he ended up debuting in a challenge that didn't immediately require his full focus, and stayed around for most of the episode, it's only natural that his main flaw was more prominent. I'm glad you're enjoying Duncan's interactions with both Brick and Owen; I definitely know what you're saying with Duncan becoming annoying in canon, and I'm happy to have made him better for you. Dave...I don't have a lot of sympathy for. Maybe it was his first real attempt at a relationship, maybe not, but that doesn't excuse him. He needed to learn that he can't just selfishly pursue a relationship, and hopefully that's what happened. And you got some of Eva's motivations down, but I wouldn't call her yandere or tsundere, not in any respect. She is still guilty for what she did, though, and understands that it was wrong for her to do.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Hah, yeah, I considered booting him two episodes ago for a reason. And Eva...well, her feelings are interesting on multiple levels to me and I look forward to exploring them more. A good analysis of a few of the others, so not much else for me to say (except that Chris' threat was that if the hat fell off for any other reason than Manitoba falling in the lake, Mike would be eliminated). Enjoy this week's episode!

 **DSX62415:** That so? Well...not sure how to feel about that as I wasn't really aiming to make Dave a particularly likeable character. But hey, I'm still glad you enjoyed the episode.

 **GirlPower54:** ...cold? What? Sky was being completely reasonable, she owed Dave absolutely nothing from the beginning. It doesn't matter how much Dave wanted her to go out with him, she didn't want to do it even if she DID like him initially. And since he refused to listen to her and what she wanted until he was forced to at the very end, he absolutely got what was coming to him. Other than that...well, I'm glad you're enjoying the season.

 **ashDanLand:** Fair enough, then. I can't expect every reader to enjoy every chapter, so hopefully you'll like this week's better. I'm glad you're enjoying Team Kinosewak at least. And...you mean 'listened to' I think right? Cause yeah, all those examples you listed from canon were definite cases of bad things happening when one player listened to another. Which is disappointing, because listening to other people should be encouraged...

 **bruno14:** Hah, I'm happy to have eliminated him. It's always nice to hear your thoughts on the characters, especially since you're liking pretty much all of them. There's a lot of good dynamics in this cast, and I hope I can continue to show them off.

 **Andy:** Yeah, honestly, I was hoping Dave and Sky would be apart as well. But alas, it wasn't meant to be. But hey, I'm glad I was able to get Dave out of the picture so early, since it means I get to focus more on the plots and characters that we both find interesting...

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Ehh, I don't think I would've been able to stand having Dave around longer, especially over characters I actually like. He's gone, and now Sky is free for other plots. Speaking of plots, I'm glad you're enjoying what I've done with Rodney - he just needed a bit of focus from the others, and suddenly he's an interesting character. Well, I think so anyway. And Sky does certainly know her teammates pretty well, especially Eva since she shares a room with her. Regarding future Manitoba appearances...well, it all depends on when and where I think he's necessary. The other boys...well, they're just fun to right. And yeah, Duncan and Owen are certainly wondering about Rodney's alleged prowess in the 'Babe Olympics' even if those exact words aren't said.

 **link9753:** Hmm...an interesting finale choice, but I'm not sure if it's the one for me - not that I've made any final decisions regarding it or anything. My problem is that just about all of the cast are strong contenders for the finale, it's gonna make the eliminations in the second half of the season so painful to write. Not much to say about Manitoba, but I'm glad you enjoyed his portrayal.

 **OMAC001:** You mean you never expected her to be lesbian or bisexual? They aren't dirty words, y'know. But yeah, I think it's a natural fit for Eva, and I'm eager to explore that aspect of her.

 **Star Saber21:** Well, Dave had what was coming to him for not showing Sky the barest of respect by listening to what she was trying to tell him. As for Manitoba...well, the girls aren't too eager to see him again, that's for sure. But they did certainly understand that his faults weren't Mikes.

 **I. M. Poik:** ...you wanted me to have dragged out a plotline I didn't like to basically it's canon extent? Despite the fact that Sky was seriously doubting what she wanted from him, unlike in canon? Yeah, no, that was never ever going to happen and I am 100% happy with how I paced their arc. As for Manitoba...well to be fair, the challenge didn't exactly lend itself to his intelligence and wit.

 **Joel Connell:** No problem, no problem. I'm glad you enjoyed Rodney's development in episode four even if it did come at the cost of Clucky going berserk. Same with Sadie's departure, and Sky finally telling Dave how it is. Whether or not I have Dave try to make amends with Sky in the finale...I have no idea. So little has been planned for that episode, so it'll likely come down to my mood while writing it.

 **The Prime Writer:** Ah, try not to worry about it to much - I'm just glad to be able to read your thoughtful reviews. I will agree that Dave wasn't as obviously a jerk in canon as he was here, though I don't think I was too far off - Dave mostly did tolerate Mike, he just thought Mike was really weird and was very thoughtless about it in person. But regardless, I'm glad you liked how the tension and ending was handled. Regarding Eva...her motivations and feelings will be discussed and explored a little more as time goes on.  
You're 100% right about Heather's greater subtlety being a result of her greater knowledge of the show; she has a good idea of why previous villains failed, and is smart enough to account for that. Other than that, a bunch of plots are really moving right now, especially surrounding Rodney.  
And regarding episode 4...yeah, I can only assume the chicken wasn't actually Clucky, and only implied to be that in order to gross out the campers. In-story, at least. And as for Mal...yeah, the TD writers really fucked up with him. I do think that his early strategy of breaking certain people's important things was a good one in terms of psychological warfare, but so much around his (and Mike's) character was just handled in the most offensive way possible. One of my main goals this season is to write Mike in a more respectful way than canon did, and I hope I can pull that off.  
Owen is, as always, a blast to write. I wouldn't exactly call his farting a facet of his personality, but it is a part of his character that I am willing to occasionally acknowledge when it's actually relevant. I'm not about to let it take over him, though; that's another major mistake that canon made.  
Lastly, thank you. I'm not sure if I'll be able to actually get anything published professionally as it seems like there's an awfully intimidating number of hoops to jump through, but at the very least it is something I want to shoot for. I can only hope I don't crash and burn...

 **TheHungerGames19:** No problem, late reviews are still reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed Dave's elimination; it's no secret that I dislike him ,so I was all too happy to have Sky properly stand up and shut him down before things got out of hand. Especially because now I get to expand upon and develop Eva as a character more... As I've said before, I really love this cast since there's so many interesting characters in it. I'm proud to have shared so much of their potential with you and all my other readers.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Hey, the sooner Dave leaves the better in my mind. Well, so long as it's dramatically relevant to the story and well-written, at least. Safe to say I'm pretty happy with the reaction to Dave's elimination, and I'm also happy when I hear someone like you saying they enjoy Rodney more here. I know he was annoying in canon, but he has a lot of potential and I'm glad I've been able to bring some of it out.

And that's all the reviews for this week. As you all know a **TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

The teams as of right now are as follows:

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Mike, Sky

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Owen, Rodney

One more will go home today. Monkeys may or may not be involved with it.

Enjoy the show.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 6 – Mo' Monkey, Mo' Problem**

"Last time, on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris said, the opening shot of the sunlit island giving way to a clip of Sky and Heather's first round against each other, ending with Sky sweeping Heather off her feet with a dueling stick. "The teams battled in a Smash, Splash," the next clip of the recap montage showed Duncan knocking Dave into the water, and was followed by Manitoba Smith completing the first X for his team, "and 1-2-3 X Dash."

"Got to meet Scuba Bear," Chris continued over a clip of the bear jumping out of the water and swatting Brick into it. "That's right," the bear was then shown interrupting Rodney and Manitoba's stand-off, " _Scuba Bear_."

"Also appearing was Manitoba Smith, Mike's _fourth_ alter-ego," the host continued as Chef was shown forcing an Australian slouch hat down onto Mike's head. "He really helped the team out," the adventurer was shown defeating Leshawna, "but still managed to make a poor first impression on them," Chris added with a laugh as Sky was shown holding Eva back, and both were shown looking annoyed at Manitoba's remarks.

"Heather pulled Rodney back into the _love_ -zone," Chris continued over a clip of Heather talking to Rodney, her face framed by pink cherubs and flowers, "and thanks to her trash-talking she won it all for her team." Heather was shown distracting Eva from the sidelines, and then Sky during their second clash, and lastly placing the final dueling stick on Kinosewak's board. "And thanks to _Dave_ just getting on Sky's nerves by not listening to her," Dave was shown ignoring Sky's initial 'but' when they talked before the challenge, then distracting her during the challenge, and then learning the truth about Sky's love life, "he got sent crying and flying thanks to our cannon," Chris said, the recap montage ending with Dave's elimination.

"We're down to nine, which is great," Chris told the camera as it cut to him. "And it's soon to be eight! Who'll go kaput? And who'll stay put? Let's find out, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A grand tune started off the musical score as the episode opened on Waneyihtam Maskwak's bunker. The scene soon cut inside to the girls' half of the living area, Sky groaning contentedly as she stretched her arms.

"Okay, that was a surprisingly good sleep considering what happened last night," she said before slipping off of her hammock. The camera pulled back as she walked to the right, soon coming upon Eva who looked at her only for a moment before focusing back on the weight she was lifting. "So, did the boys already go out foraging?" Sky asked.

"Oh, uh, y-yeah," Eva said with a slight stammer, not meeting Sky's gaze.

The shot cut in close as Sky raised an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing," Eva answered with a surprising forcefulness. "I just...didn't sleep well last night.:."

Sky looked at her for a moment, then shrugged. "If you say so," she said before walking away.

The camera zoomed in on Eva as she watched her teammate leave. After a few moments, she hung her head and sighed.

xxx

"I spent so much time _pressuring_ Sky into getting rid of Dave," Eva told the outhouse camera with a hint of anguish in her voice, "convincing her to give up a chance at love so she could focus on the game. And for what reason? So _I_ could have a chance with _her_!" She slumped over and groaned into her hands.

"I'm such a _hypocrite_. And if that wasn't bad enough, she already has some dumb _boyfriend_ back home so I never even had a shot with her in the first place!" Eva said, raising her arms and giving the camera a desperate look. "I don't _deserve_ to be around her..." she finished, dropping her head into her hands once more.

xxx

"Dude, I don't know," Duncan said as the static cut away to a frontal shot of him and Brick picking berries off a bush, "it's like I'm goin' stir-crazy out here. There's just nothin' to _do_!" The viewpoint moved behind them as they put their haul into the satchels slung over their shoulders messenger bag-style, then continued on to the left. "I mean, don't get me wrong," the punk continued after Brick gave him an almost hurt look, "I like hangin' out with you and the guys, but it's like all we do is find the food, eat the food, go do some stupid challenge, vote someone out or eat some more, then go to bed! Day in, day out, it's really startin' to mess with my mojo."

Brick sighed, and the camera pulled back a foot or so as they stopped at another berry bush and began to pick from it. "I think I know what you mean. Coming into this game I expected to be large and in charge all the way through, but lately all I've been feeling is small and in the background. Especially after the last challenge," he said, the shot cutting in closer. "I mean, I don't hold it against you," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, "but back-to-back losses in a test of power is, well, it's a blow to my pride is what it is."

"Yeah, I feel you man," Duncan said with a knowing nod as they stored their latest pickings and moved on.

"And now it seems like _Sky's_ the one everybody looks to for leadership," Brick continues. "I mean, not to disrespect a valued teammate or anything, but it just feels like foraging's the only thing left I can do for my team!" He sighed. "I miss being the one everyone looked up to."

"And _I_ miss being able to cause trouble," Duncan admitted. "Back home I coulda vandalized a building, stolen something, maybe smashed some windows...here it's like I can't even bring myself to carve up any trees cause I'm already sick of it after doing half the barn. I just don't know what to _do_ anymore."

Brick snorted and smirked. "Well then, maybe you should take this as an opportunity to reform," he told Duncan. "Leave behind those _criminal ways_ of yours and get your life in order. The cadets take in boys like you all the time, and mold them into _men_." He raised his left arm and flexed it, showing off his muscles.

Duncan scoffed. "Please. You're gonna try and _reform_ me now?" he asked with a disbelieving smirk. "You're welcome to try. But if _juvie_ couldn't do it, I can't see how a straight-laced boot-licker like yourself is gonna do any better."

As the punk began to walk away, the camera focused in on the smile that formed on Brick's face. "Sounds like a challenge," the cadet said as he followed, "maybe I'll give it a try sometime."

The camera panned back to Duncan as he snorted. "Like I said, you're welcome to try. Just keep in mind that even with being stir-crazy I still got one or two 'projects' of my own that I'm gonna be working on."

"Affirmative," Brick said, snapping off a quick salute.

xxx

"Hey, Brick's a cool guy," Duncan calmly confessed. "I got no problems letting him try to 'reform' me-" he rolled his eyes- "or whatever, cause I know it won't work. Plus it'll be fun to mess with him a little, a guy's gotta get whatever entertainment he can out here. Though I still gotta work out what's up with Rodney and the girls," he said, crossing his arms and looking to the side. "Something's _off_ with that whole deal, and today's the day I find out _what_ ," he pointed aggressively at the camera. "And then there's Mike...," he crossed his arms again and looked down in thought. "I _know_ I know the guy from somewhere, it's just been on the tip of my tongue for like a _day_ now."

xxx

A few deep notes played as the scene moved to Mike and Owen, the camera directly in front of them as they sat on a large rock on the beach and held onto makeshift fishing poles. The shot cut in for a close-up of Mike as his eyes narrowed in suspicion; the viewpoint switched to another rock just offshore, then back to Mike as he raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, tell me I'm not crazy," Mike said as the shot moved back in front of him and Owen and he pointed at the rock he'd been looking at. "That rock wasn't here yesterday, was it?"

Owen looked at the rock in question, the shot cutting to it and then back to him raising an eyebrow as well. "Huh, I don't think you _are_ crazy," Owen said, "cause I don't remember that rock either. Come to think of it," he said, looking down at the rock they were sitting on, "I don't remember _this_ one being here either!"

"Hey, yeah!" Mike said, standing up in outrage...that quickly passed into confusion. "But...that doesn't make sense. Rocks don't just...wash up overnight, do they?"

He looked at Owen, who shrugged. "Don't look at me, I don't know anything about rocks. Maybe we're at the wrong stream or something?"

"Are we?" Mike wondered, looking around and scratching his head. "I guess we must be. Not sure how we managed that, though," he said with a chuckle as he sat down. "Still, I'm, uh, I'm glad this isn't just me seeing things. It's hard enough having one major disorder, I don't need hallucinations on top of it."

Owen laughed. "Yeah..."

Mike sighed happily, then curled up his knees and hugged them with one arm. "I know it's been rough, but I'm pretty happy I was able to come out here and meet everybody. I was really nervous that I'd have to, like, fight to prove my worth to my team, and to get people to like me y'know?"

Owen laughed again. "Totally, I'm like _exactly_ the same way. I thought for _sure_ my team would wanna vote out the big _fat_ guy first," he patted his enormous gut, "so I did like everything I _could_ to make sure they'd like me. And it really looks like it's paid off."

"Haha, yeah," Mike said. "Guess we're just two guys eager to please our teammates, huh?"

"Making friends, having adventures, and winning a million _bucks_ ," Owen declared, suddenly putting an arm around Mike and pulling him close then sliding his hand across in front of them in a revelatory manner, " _that's_ what Total Drama's about, baby!"

Mike just laughed, somewhat awkwardly but in agreement all the same.

xxx

"I really appreciate all the time I've spent here on the show," Mike said with an almost solemn tone, looking down at his hands folded in his lap. "I know I'm kind of a mild, in-the-background type of guy, well aside from my alters at least," he told the camera, "but I really feel like being out here might help me change that. Just, y'know, meeting new people, experiencing new things, maybe it'll mean I won't _have_ to be a mild, uninteresting guy anymore. Or...," he laughed anxiously and rubbed the back of his neck, "that's what I'm hoping, anyway."

xxx

/

The scene moved to Pimâpotew Kinosewak's barn, a slightly tense tune playing as the camera zoomed in, then panned left onto their team's campfire. Heather, Rodney, and Leshawna were sitting around it, the farm boy poking it with a long stick while the Queen bee leaned against his right arm with a contented smile on her face. She sighed happily, earning a glance and a dopey, blushing smile from Rodney, then the camera panned onto Leshawna as she hung a metal bucket over the fire and watched her teammates warily.

xxx

"Okay," Leshawna told the outhouse camera, "now I _know_ Rodney was sweet on me yesterday. Not that I was interested," she said with a slight scoff, "but I know when a guy's got an _eye_ for all of my luscious booty," she said, posing with a hand on her hip and the other on her head for the camera. She huffed, then faced it again and crossed her arms. "Looks like lover boy's _heart_ is as fickle as a stray cat. I could probably get him back on my side, I mean _look_ at me," she proudly motioned over her curvy body, "but I ain't gonna stoop to that level."

She sighed. "Guess it's time to finally get off my behind and secure an alliance with the guys so I can _finally_ get rid of Heather. I just hope I can find some time to get Duncan and Owen alone today..."

xxx

A pretty, lilting tune played as the scene cut back to Heather and Rodney. "Isn't it just _such_ a nice morning?" Heather said sweetly, grabbing onto Rodney's arm. "I can't think of _anywhere_ I'd rather be, can you?"

"No," Rodney told her, a dopey grin still on his face. "I and you, fire by everything... _cool_..." He sagged dreamily, and the shot cut to Heather's close-up as she fluttered her eyelashes at him.

xxx

"Eww, _barf,_ " Heather said in disgust, miming sticking a finger down her throat. "That's like the most _disgusting_ bit of flirting I've ever had to do. But I'm pretty sure farm boy's too _simple_ to get the _subtle_ stuff, so...," she sat up straight, put on a smile, and made a short hand gesture, "don't judge me. Besides, it'll all be worth it to keep him from falling for _Leshawna_ again," she said, crossing her arms and shooting a bitter look to the side. "I figure I've just about got Owen willing to make an alliance with me, so once that's done I can vote out Leshawna and be good for, like, most of the rest of the season."

" _Hopefully_ I won't have to get rid of Rodney since he's so useful to me," she said smugly. "But even if he figures out I don't really like him, like, whatever. He can't be _too_ mad, we've only been flirting. I mean it's not like we started _dating_ or anything," she said with a small laugh.

xxx

"I can't believe me and Heather are dating again!" Rodney enthusiastically told the camera. "I thought it was over for sure once I started going out with Leshawna," he hung his head sadly, "but now I see that my heart wants only one girl," he looked up with a dreamy smile and put his hands over his heart, "and that girl is _Heather_. I feel real bad about toying with Leshawna's heart, though," he said with a guilty look. "I just hope I can find a way to make it up to her. I already know she's a strong girl since she's been taking the breakup so well," he nodded knowingly, "but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to ease the pain a little."

xxx

The background music became low and tense as the scene cut back to Duncan, Brick, Mike, and Owen walking together through the forest with satchels of fruit and lines of fish. "Hey, teens!" Chris suddenly announced over the camp loudspeakers.

"Aww, why _now_?" Mike promptly complained as the four boys stopped and looked up.

"Proceed to the meeting area," Chris continued, the shot cutting to the booming loudspeaker. "It's time for me to laugh at your pain! There'll _also_ be a challenge."

As he spoke, the camera moved back to the boys as Brick smiled. "Alright," he said eagerly. "Sorry boys, it's been a pleasure," he saluted Duncan and Owen, "but the competition is _back on_." He turned and ran off with Mike soon following, and the focus moved to the Kinosewak boys as they shrugged at each other, then ran off as well.

/

The scene flashed ahead to the meeting area, the team logos appearing over their respective sides. Eva, Sky, Heather, Rodney, and Leshawna were the only campers present; Chris and Chef were there as well in the back center, the assistant standing behind some sort of box on a pedestal and the host standing next to a vending machine of all things. The machine seemed almost ordinary, a faded salmon color and with a large circular signboard sticking out of the top – which bore the image of a familiar salmon-colored bag of snacks with a fish tail for a logo...

"Where are the boys?" Heather asked impatiently, crossing her arms and looking around. "Don't tell me they got _lost_ or something."

Leshawna scoffed as the camera moved onto her. "I won't, cause there's no way they did. But I'll be sure to let 'em know how little faith you've got in them," she looked over and said with a smirk.

Heather huffed. "I have faith in them. I'm just _annoyed_ because they're moving so slowly."

"Pretty sure they're just bringing the food they gathered back to our shelters," Sky called out, the camera cutting outward to show both teams again. "At least, that's what _my_ teammates are doing. Right, Eva?" she turned and asked her teammate.

"Huh?" Eva grunted, looking up from her depressed pose. "Oh, yeah, right..." Sky raised an eyebrow at her.

xxx

"Okay, something's up with Eva and I don't think it's just being tired," Sky told the outhouse camera. "This might not be good, since she's one of our strongest players. Though I guess with Dave gone we're _all_ pretty strong players now," she admitted, putting a finger on her lip and looking up. "Still," she smiled at the camera, "it's my _duty_ as her friend to help her through her problems, just like she helped me with mine."

xxx

"I'm giving the others _one more minute_ ," Chris said irritably, checking his wristwatch as the camera cut in closer to him. "Then they're cannon food."

Just then the shot cut to the heads of the three Salmons present turning to the right, and an odd but jolly tuba melody played as the shot cut to Owen and Duncan running up. "Oops! Sorry we're late!" Owen greeted cheerily. "We had to drop everything off at the barn."

"Huh," Leshawna told her seated teammates, "guess Sky was right about that."

"Well...fine," Heather said, looking away irritably as Duncan and Owen took their seats on the right end of the log.

"C'mon, Heather, you wouldn't want them having to carry around some dead fish all challenge, would you?" Rodney pointed out.

"True...," Heather said without looking at him, and the camera panned over to Duncan and Owen sharing a look.

xxx

"Me and Duncan still wanna figure out what's going on with Rodney and the girls," Owen explained in the confessional, "so if we get the chance during the challenge we're just gonna ask all of them." His eyes darted from side to side, then he hesitantly shield his mouth with his hand and whispered "Personally, I'm hoping it's not a big deal. Rodney's my buddy, and I don't wanna see him get hurt."

xxx

A military drumline played as the scene cut to Brick running up to his team from the left. "Sorry I'm late," he announced. "Now who's ready for today's challenge?"

"I am!" Sky said enthusiastically, high-fiving Brick as he ran past to sit down at the end of the log.

"Great to see you're feeling fine without Dave around," the cadet remarked as he sat down.

"Yeah, I'll admit it feels a little _weird_ sometimes," Sky admitted, folding her hands in her lap and looking down, "but I'm definitely getting over it. Now where's Mike?" she asked, looking around.

"Right here!" Mike answered, the camera following his teammates' gazes to the left to show him running up and taking his spot next to Eva. "Sorry for taking so long, I just got so caught up in how _strange_ this island seems."

The shot cut to Chris crossing his arms and scowling. "And how could this island _possibly_ seem strange?"

"Oh, I don't know," Mike said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, "the rocks are different on the _beach_ ," he motioned from side to side, "the trees are different in the _forest_..."

"Oh, oh, and also," Owen piped up enthusiastically, "I _don't_ think that mountain was here _yesterday_...," he said with a strangely serious expression, pointing off into the distance.

A few ominous notes played as the shot cut back to Chris, his brow furrowing even more. "Yeah, like the two of _you_ have any credibility. You're just seeing things, there's _nothing_ out of the ordinary about this island."

xxx

"Yeah, I don't buy it," Mike confessed. "I may not be in a position to _do_ anything about it," he admitted, "but I don't buy it."

xxx

"Today's challenge is called 'Snack Attack'," Chris began, the usual exposition theme playing as the logos once more reappeared above their respective teams. "This vending machine _only_ takes gold coins," he explained with a motion to the machine as the shot cut in closer. "The first team to get _their_ gold coin into the machine wins, _and_ gets something to eat."

"So what's the catch?" Leshawna immediately asked with a skeptical look.

"I'm glad you asked," Chris replied. "Chef?" he said, motioning to his assistant. The hulking man opened the lid of the wooden box, the closer shot revealing that it had two holes punched into it before two small wide-eyed forms were revealed to be within it. " _I'm_ giving the coins to Alphonse and Betty here," Chris said as a pair of monkeys hopped out onto the side of the box, identical in shape, color, and curiosity save for the necklaces they wore – pink on the left, blue on the right. Chris flipped two gold coins at them, and which they happily caught before jumping down and scampering off. "Who are now going to run away."

"They're getting away!" Sky exclaimed as the two monkeys ran past her team.

"What're we waiting for, let's go!" Duncan stood and shouted for his team.

"STOP!" Chris exclaimed, holding out his hands for the two teams to stop. "Nobody move! The monkeys get a head start. Kinosewak's monkey has a blue necklace," he explained with his usual smile. "Maskwak's monkey is in the pink one."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Owen spoke up enthusiastically, the camera quickly cutting to him. "Can we have something from the vending machine first? We didn't really have much breakfast."

" _No_ ," Chris answered sternly.

The shot cut to the Confused Bears as they huddled together slightly. "Luckily, _I_ thought ahead," Brick said, pulling a banana from the pocket of his shorts. "Found 'em this morning, breakfast and monkey bait in one handy package."

"Great work, Brick!" Sky said brightly.

"Yeah, but does it bother anyone else that there's bananas growing out here?" Mike asked.

"Why would it? It's not like it matters...," Eva mumbled.

"Okay," Chris said, drawing the focus back to him as he pulled out his airhorn. "You can go after your monkeys, riiiiiiiiight...nnnNOW!" A close-up showed the horn being blown, and the campers all ran off.

/

"Okay," Heather said, a hectic tune playing as the scene flashed to her leading her teammates into the woods then abruptly stopped, "I say we split up to cover more ground. Who's with me?"

"Sure!" Rodney immediately and enthusiastically agreed, stopping alongside her.

"Do whatever y'all want, I'm catchin' that monkey," Leshawna said as she continued running off into the woods.

"Alright, time to _lone wolf_ this thing," Duncan said eagerly, howling like a wolf a few times as he ran past Heather and Rodney.

Owen stopped in front of them next, hunching over to catch his breath. "Okay," he panted, "did anybody see where that monkey even _went_?"

"Nope," Heather answered with a cheery smile. "We're just gonna have to track him down the hard way. Luckily," she said as she walked over to him, "I have _full_ faith in each of us, so I _know_ we'll be done in no time. Just follow your gut, big guy," she told Owen, putting a hand on his shoulder, "I trust your instincts and so should you."

Owen stood up and smiled at her. "Gee, thanks Heather!" he said, excitedly pulling her into a crushing hug – a strangled note playing as the shot cut to her wincing in shock. "Alright gut," he declared, jumping back a step and grabbing his fatty gut with both hands, "lead the way!" He ran off with his gut held out in front of him, Heather and Rodney giving him odd looks as they watched him leave.

"So, where are _you_ gonna search?" Heather asked Rodney.

"Always you...coins, and...and _monkeys_! By your side...," Rodney answered with his usual dreamy mumblings.

Heather stared at him blankly for a moment before smiling. "...right. So, here's an idea. How about _you_ go out and look for the monkey, and when you find it just lead it back here so I can catch it!"

"That's a great idea!" Rdney said brightly. "I'm on it!"

A few deep notes played as he ran off, the camera lingering on Heather long enough for her to see her letting out her breath and walking off.

xxx

"Now that I've got everyone _separated_ ," Heather told the outhouse camera, "I can go find Owen and get him into an alliance. Hopefully I won't run into anyone else before then, or I'll have to go back to that stupid _monkey_ thing."

xxx

The scene moved to Betty, the monkey in the pink necklace, as she sat on a rock by a stream as she admired her coin, then looked around with a few wary 'ook's. A slow, tense tune began to play as the camera pulled back to reveal the four members of the Confused Bears creeping up to it, Mike and Sky and Brick in front with their hands raised expectantly, and Eva lingering behind with a dull look on her face.

"Alright," Brick whispered, moving a hand to his pocket, "remember: no. Sudden. Movements." Mike and Sky both nodded, and Brick locked eyes with the monkey that was watching them. "Alright Betty," he told it, "time for some negotiations. How about you trade us that coin you got there for this nice banana?" he asked, pulling the banana from his pocket.

The shot cut in for a close-up of it, and a tinkling sound played as Brick wiggled it. Betty looked at it for a moment...then gave it a few dismissive 'ook's and turned away to focus on her coin again.

"Aww, c'mon," Brick said in disappointment as the camera cut back outward, "it's nice and fresh! See, look!" he said, peeling the banana and waving it at the monkey again. Betty briefly looked at it, but quickly looked back to the coin in her hands.

The camera moved back onto the three Bears as they stood up and huddled together. "Okay, this isn't working," Mike said in annoyance.

"I just don't get why," Brick said, looking at his banana with a puzzled expression. "I thought monkeys _loved_ bananas!"

"It's okay, we'll just have to go with Plan B then," Sky told them calmly.

The camera panned on to the boys as they nodded. "Affirmative," Brick said, "Plan B it is."

He turned back to face Betty, the shot cutting back outward to show the three crouched down again. "Now!" he shouted, the music spiking as he pounced.

Betty simply turned and ducked, causing Brick to sail over her and land with a splash in the river. She stood up and laughed, then jumped onto and off of Mike and Sky as they pounced as well. She laughed all the way past a startled Eva, then the shot cut to her climbing the trunk of a pine tree. She paused to look down, then ate the coin.

The four members of Team Maskwak gasped. "NOOOOOO!" they cried out as one as Betty climbed away.

/

A flash took the scene to Chris walking calmly through the forest whistling to himself, utterly unaware of Duncan running towards him with a devilish smirk. They soon collided, knocking the host onto his butt and the delinquent back a step. "Whoa, sorry man," Duncan said, putting on an apologetic smile as he offered his hand to Chris. The host, rubbing his head and glaring in annoyance, accepted it. "I was so caught up in the challenge," Duncan explained while Chris dusted himself off, "I didn't see you there. Hey, you see that monkey go through here?"

"As if I'd tell you," Chris said tersely.

"Okay, fair enough," Duncan said before running off.

The camera lingered on Chris as he raised an eyebrow, then started patting himself down.

xxx

"Yeah, I stole Chris' wallet," Duncan casually admitted to the outhouse camera, waving a leather wallet around. "I saw him walking around, and figured a little larceny might brighten my day." As he spoke he opened up the wallet and looked through it, soon snorting in contempt. "Figures that he doesn't have any cash on him. Not likes there's anything around here to spend it on even if he _did_. I guess there's some credit cards I could steal," he said, looking into the wallet again, "but ehh. Identity theft is a little too white collar for my tastes. Guess this was a waste of time," he said in disappointment, standing up and causally tossing the wallet into the outhouse toilet bowl.

He sighed as he sat down. "Man, I never thought I'd say this, but I miss juvie. Sure, the food _sucked_ , but at least they gave it to you three times a day. And there was always somethin' to do," he said with an almost dreamy expression on his face. "Only problem was," his expression became much more serious and almost fearful as he sat up, "it was pretty much _run_ by this one dude named Mal. The guy was _bad news_ , trust me. I pretty much made it a point to stay out of his way while I was there, but I can still remember him," he said with a shudder.

"The tune he always whistled...," he clenched his eyes shut as he remembered, "that stupid spiky _hair_...the _gap_ in his front teeth...even that dopey-looking _face_ of his..." Duncan gasped, sitting up bolt straight and his eyes flying opening as the music spiked dramatically. "Holy crap, put some hair gel on him and he looked exactly like _Mike_! Aww man, this isn't _good_..." he finished, looking nervously to the side.

xxx

The scene moved to another part of the woods, a few light notes playing as a bush began to rustle. The camera cut in closer to it just as Alphonse, the monkey in the blue necklace, leaped out of it with a happy chitter. He was soon followed by Leshawna, who looked around in suspicion before spotting something and smirking.

"Hah! Sorry little monkey," she said as the shot cut to a blue necklace lying on the ground and dramatic music began to build up, "but you're gonna have to try harder than that too fool me." She picked up the necklace, and the camera panned up to her as she looked up and her eyes went wide. "Oh, for cryin' out loud!" she began, the music spiking as the camera moved behind her, panning up to show the massive pine tree standing before her and all the countless monkeys sitting in it.

/

A flash took the scene to Owen, crawling through the woods on his hands and knees. "The Hunter _knows_ his quarry," he narrated as he went along. "He _feels_ him in the air. The Hunter knows that it is only a matter of time before he comes across the little monkey, and-" He stopped upon reaching a pair of familiar feet, and blinked in surprise. He looked up, and the camera pulled back to show Heather standing over him with her hands on her hips and an eyebrow raised.

"Having fun, are we?" she asked him.

"Kinda, yeah," Owen admitted as he stood up. "I take it you didn't see the monkey come through here?"

"Nope," Heather answered simply. "But we can worry about _that_ later. There's something I need to talk to you about."

Owen perked up in realization. "Oh! Right, yeah, that reminds me, I wanted to talk to you about something too."

Heather looked taken aback for a moment, then smiled. "Well, why don't I go first, and then you go?" she asked sweetly.

"That seems fair," Owen said.

"Of course it does," Heather told him with a knowing nod, "I mean we _are_ practically on the same page with everything."

"We are?" Owen questioned.

"Yup!" Heather answered happily. "And since we're on the same page, I just _know_ you'll have no problem forming an alliance with me."

A few deep, ominous notes played as the shot cut to a close-up of Owen's shocked expression. "Whoa, an _alliance_?"

"That's right," she smiled. "Now, I know this might be a little hard for you," she said, drawing close to him and putting an arm around his massive shoulder. "And trust me, it's hard for me too. I don't _want_ to vote all of our friends off, but that's just how the game works. I mean," she looked him in the eye, "you want to _win_ , don't you?"

"W-well, _yeah_ ," Owen answered hesitantly.

"So that means you wanna stay safe from the _votes_ , right?" Heather continued. "Because, no offense, but finding food for people might not _always_ be enough. Having a back-up plan would be a good idea, right?" she said quickly, before he could react.

Owen's brow furrowed in thought. "Hey, good point. And what better back-up plan than having someone you can count on to watch your back?"

"Exactly," Heather said with a pat on the shoulder.

"Awesome, this is gonna be _sweet_!" Owen said enthusiastically. "You, me, and _Duncan_ all the way to the end," he said, laughing and pumping both fists and missing the shock that flashed across Heather's face.

"R-right," she said quickly. "But we _gotta_ keep it a secret for now," she said, grabbing him lightly by the shirt and moving him to face her. "Which means we should _probably_ get back to finding that monkey."

"Right, awesome!" Owen declared, raising his arms into the air. "I'm _comin_ ' for ya, monkey!" He shouted as he ran off, Heather following him after a close-up showed her sighing in relief and rolling her eyes.

/

Another flash took the scene back to Betty, who was now sitting on a larger rock and scratching her armpit.

"Hold her, Brick," Sky said, "while I get the coin!" The shot cut outward to show her and Brick creeping up on either side of the monkey, their arms stretched out to grab it while Mike and Eva watched from the sidelines, Mike looking particularly expectant.

"Got it," the cadet said. "Commencing operation in 3! 2! 1!"

The camera pulled back as a bear suddenly rose up from behind the rock formation Betty was sitting on, roared, and swiped the monkey into its mouth as Sky and Brick screamed. The bear swallowed.

"Are you _kidding_ me?!" Sky exclaimed in disbelief.

A sharp gasp drew the camera over to her other two teammates as 'Mike's appearance shifted into the features of Chester. "Gosh darn it, what's _with_ this lousy challenge?!"

'C'mon, bear, spit 'em out!" Brick ordered, thrusting a finger at the bear as it happily rubbed its belly.

The bear looked at Brick, blinked, then raised its forepaws and roared. Team Maskwak screamed as a dramatic riff played, and the viewpoint changed to the live feed on television. The camera promptly pulled back to show Chris and Chef watching back at the meeting area.

"If that's how it ends for Team Maskwak," Chris commented with fake worry, the footage promptly pausing, "I don't think I could _bear_ it!" he joked, cracking a smile and looking at Chef.

Chef just rolled his eyes and shook his head while the host laughed.

"What?" Chris asked. "Too _hilarious_?"

Chef walked away.

The capstone theme started playing as Chris turned to face the camera. "Wanna see how _angry_ a bear can get?" he asked. "Me too! So, stay tuned to Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits and Back)

The episode resumed with a low, ominous tune and Rodney walking through the forest with a confused look on his face. "Hey dude, wait up!" came the voice of Duncan, prompting Rodney to turn around and the camera to pull back to show the punk approaching. "Dude, have you seen Mike anywhere?"

"Mike?" Rodney repeated in confusion. "Sorry Duncan, but I can't say I have."

"Crap," the punk swore under his breath. "Actually, no, that's probably a good thing," he said, looking Rodney in the eyes again. "Just be careful around him, okay?"

"Uh...okay, I guess," Rodney said, still confused. "Hey, do you know where Heather is? She wanted me to try and chase the monkey back to her, but now I can't find her _or_ the monkey."

"Sorry man, no help here," Duncan said. He started to walk away, then paused and snapped his fingers. "That reminds me though. You _really_ dating her?" he asked, giving him a narrow-eyed look.

"Uh-huh," Rodney nodded. "Even after I was tempted by Leshawna, my bond with Heather still proved true."

"Really," Duncan said skeptically. "So has she, like, kissed you yet? Told you she loves you, called you her boyfriend, anything like that?" he asked over a close-up of Rodney's increasingly confused face.

Rodney shook his head. "Not really, no. But our love is _beyond_ words now. We don't need them...," he explained with a dreamy expression, putting his hands over his heart.

"Uh- _huh_ ," Duncan said in disbelief.

xxx

"Yeah, he ain't dating _nobody_ ," Duncan told the outhouse camera, quickly cracking a wide grin. "Which is gonna make things _hilarious_ when I see the girls again."

xxx

"Now _how_ am I supposed to sort this out?" Leshawna griped, the scene moving to a view of her from the branches of the tree she was looking at, several curious monkeys on and in the branches looking back at her.

"Whoa, _hold_ the _phone_ ," Owen said, the shot cutting to him and Heather arriving on the scene, "are you saying that _any_ of those could be our monkey?" he asked Leshawna, pointing towards the camera and the tree.

"Yup," Leshawna said bluntly, looking from her teammates to the tree, the camera moving behind the three Salmons to show the monkey-filled pine again.

"Great Beef Stew of Kalamazoo, this is _impossible_!" Owen exclaimed, gripping his hair in panic. "What are we supposed to do _now_?!"

"Relax," Heather told him sharply. "We can do this. We just need to, like, think it over a little bit, that's all."

"Think it over a little bit," Leshawna repeated dully, staring at Heather in disbelief.

/

A flash took the scene back to the bear as it burped, then started cleaning its teeth with a toothpick. The shot zoomed out to show the four members of Team Maskwak watching it from a safe distance.

"Well now ain't this a pickle," Chester complained, extending a hand towards the bear as the camera moved back in front of them. "What is it now, a coin stuck in a monkey trapped in a bear? Honestly, how you kids managed to let this happen I'll never understand..."

Brick sighed despondently. "It's my fault, I admit it. I failed the negotiations, and I failed to grab the monkey...two times!"

"Don't say that," Sky said, putting a hand on his shoulder. " _None_ of us could've predicted that the monkey would eat the coin, or that a _bear_ would come along and eat the monkey! Right, Eva?" she turned and asked her friend.

Eva shrugged. "I don't know, I guess...this is all still pretty _dumb_ though if you ask me."

Sky frowned and looked from Eva to the boys, Brick rubbing the back of his neck in shame and Chester just glowering. "Come on guys, chin up!" she told them. "We can do this!"

"Feh, _sure_ ," Chester said dismissively, "and _I'm_ Miss Canada!"

"I'm being serious!" Sky told him.

"So what?" Chester replied. "Ya aren't gonna get that fancy gold nickel outta there with a buncha _words_!"

"We don't need to," Sky countered, taking a step to the side. "If the coin's in there," the shot cut to the bear, "then let's just bring Chris the _bear_!" She pointed at it, causing it to gape in shock.

Brick and Chester and even Eva all gasped. "Bring him the _bear_?" Eva repeated. "How the heck do we do that?!" she threw up her arms. "It's a _bear_!"

"I know it seems intimidating," Sky told her. "But we're a strong team. I'm sure if we all put our heads together, we'll figure out a way to make it work."

A few tense notes played as Brick, Eva, and Chester all exchanged wary looks.

/

The music became slightly hectic as the scene flashed back to Team Kinosewak, Duncan and Rodney walking up to Leshawna, Heather, and Owen.

"So, what's happening?" the punk asked.

"Monkeys," Owen answered, pointing towards the camera which promptly cut behind the group as the new arrivals turned and noticed the tree full of monkeys they were facing.

"Whoa," Duncan gaped in surprise.

"Whoa is right," Rodney said. "What are we supposed to _do_ about all those little guys?"

"Pff, just threaten 'em," Duncan scoffed, walking forward as his teammates watched. "Hey, monkeys!" hhe cupped his hands and shouted toward the tree, the camera positioned directly in front of him. "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you!" He pointed a finger forward and up. "You better fork over that coin if you know what's good for ya!" he finished, waving his fist in a menacing fashion.

The music blared dramatically as Duncan suddenly gasped and jumped back, narrowly dodging the clumps of something thick and brown and somewhat goopy that were flung at him.

"We already _tried_ that, tough guy," Leshawna pointed out, hands on her hips as the camera moved over slightly to show the rest of the Salmons. "You saw for yourself that it ain't gonna work like that."

"So what do we do?" Rodney asked.

The shot cut to a close-up of Heather tapping her chin in thought. "Well, we can't _force_ them to give us the coin. And I doubt we can just _ask_ , either. We'll just have to trick them."

"But how?" Owen asked with an innocent tone. "You think we could, like, play Monkey See Monkey Do with them?"

A few dull notes played as the camera jumped outward, showing the other four Salmons looking at Owen blankly.

"Hey, it's worth a try," Leshawna said.

/

"Oh no," Chester said, a few deep, tense notes playing as the scene flashed back to his close-up, "I'm not having any _part_ of this hare-brained scheme you ninnies have cooked up." He inhaled sharply, his eyes losing focus for a brief second before his features returned to Mike's usual appearance.

The camera pulled back as Mike stood up straight and looked around at his teammates in confusion. "So, uh, what did I miss?" he asked them.

"Nothing much," Sky answered, "we're still trying to figure out how to deal with the bear."

"Sky thinks we should get the bear to follow us," Brick said. "Just get it mad and hope we can outrun it long enough to lead it to Chris."

"Won't, uh, won't that just cause us to get mauled?" Mike asked with a nervous laugh.

"Maybe, maybe not," Sky said determinedly as the shot cut to her, "we won't know for sure unless we try. But we _do_ know that if we just leave it like this, one of _us_ will be going home tonight, and I _don't_ want that to happen."

"Me neither," Mike admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "So, uh, what's our game plan for this?"

"Whatever it is," Eva grunted as the camera panned to her pointing to the side, "we better do it fast. The bear's walking away!"

The others gasped, and a dramatic riff played as the shot cut to the bear standing up with a satisfied grunt and wading into the river. The shot then cut back to Brick as he stood up straight and put on a determined look.

xxx

"Alright, it's time for me to take charge," Brick told the outhouse camera. "I'll re-establish my position of dominance in the team by baiting the bear and leading it all the way back to Chris, demonstrating my bravery, agility, and ability to _not_ get eaten in the process!"

xxx

The footage resumed not with Team Maskwak, but with the monkeys in the tree watching Team Kinosewak and growling viciously. The music trilled tensely as the shot cut to the campers themselves as they broke a huddle and lined up, mischievous smiles on their faces.

"Alright monkeys, wave your hands in the air!" Rodney called out, leading his teammates in raising his hands and waving them around. The shot cut to the monkeys as they enthusiastically followed suit, every last one of them waving their hands and ooking excitedly.

"Now shake those booties like you just don't care!" Leshawna said next, the camera cutting to her as she turned around, put a hand on her hip, and shook her butt back and forth – her four teammates quickly following suit. Once again the shot cut back to the monkeys as excitedly mimicked what they were shown, those on the branches turning around and those clinging to the trunk just staying put as they all shook their butts at the camera.

"Rub your bellies like this!" Owen called out, the shot cutting to him rubbing his belly with one hand using wide, circular motions; once more, the camera pulled back to show the rest of the team following suit before cutting to the monkeys doing the same thing.

"And...flip a coin in the air!" Heather followed, pulling a silver coin from her back pocket. Once the others had followed suit they all flipped them into the air, then smiled expectantly up at the tree as the most became tenser.

The shot cut to a close-up of some of the monkeys, most looking down at the humans with renewed suspicion and irritation – except for one, who smiled excitedly. It pulled out a gold coin and flipped it into the air to the surprise of its comrades, and the camera followed the coin as it spun right into the waiting hand of Duncan. " _Hah_! Thanks for giving us the coin back, you stupid monkey!" he taunted, the camera cutting back to the monkeys as Alphonse palmed his face and the others glared at him.

"Finally!" Leshawna said in relief as the shot quick-panned back to the Salmons. "Let's get back to the meeting area so we can _win_!" She turned and ran off back to the right, and her teammates followed alongside her.

/

The scene flashed back to Brick, a military drumline starting up as he stood up straight and puffed out his chest. "Alright, time to do this," he declared, the camera pulling back to show him getting strange looks from Sky, Eva, and Mike who were standing over to the left.

"Listen up, bear," he said as he marched forward, past his teammates and into the river. A quick-pan to the left showed the bear pausing at the far bank to look back at him, and the camera cut back to show him picking up a small stone. "It's time for you to fall in line!" he shouted as he drew back, then threw the stone with all his might. The music blared dramatically as the stone was followed through the air, soon striking the bear on the muzzle and bouncing off.

The music died off as the bear blinked, then rubbed the place it had been hit and grunted in displeasure.

And then the camera pulled back and the music blared again as the bear stood up, raised its forelegs, and roared angrily. It charged back through the water on all fours, a fast and dangerous tune playing as the four campers scattered, Sky and Mike screaming as they ran with Eva to the side while Brick turned and ran to the right, the bear chasing right after him.

"Quick! Follow that bear!" Sky called out as she chased after Brick and the bear. Mike quickly followed after, with Eva taking up the rear.

"Why are we even _doing_ this...," she groaned before running out of sight.

/

The music turned hectic as the scene moved back to Team Kinosewak running through the woods. "Alright!" Rodney cheered excitedly. "Another win for us, how cool is that?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Heather said, the shot panning back to her running just behind Rodney. "We're doing good, but we have no _idea_ what the Bears have been up to."

"Well they sure aren't done yet," Leshawna spoke up as the camera panned to her. "Chris woulda rubbed it in our faces if they were."

"Maybe so," Heather replied, the shot cutting back to her, "but I still wanna move fast."

"Hah!" Duncan barked out a laugh. "You wanna move fast, eh? No wonder you're dating Big Rod then, dude moves fast with a _lotta_ things if ya know what I'm sayin'."

A single deep note played as the camera zoomed out and the rest of Team Kinosewak came to an abrupt halt – Owen looking at Duncan blankly, Rodney in confusion, Leshawna in bewilderment, and Heather in shock and disgust. Duncan was forced to stop as well, looking at the others and snorting. "What?"

xxx

"Yeah," Duncan coolly told the camera, "bringing that up in the middle of the challenge probably wasn't the best idea. But hey, you don't get the chance to make a joke like that every day, especially not out here. I wasn't gonna be the one to pass it up."

xxx

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rodney asked once the usual static had finished.

"Yeah," Heather added sharply, walking over to Duncan. "Me and Rodney _aren't_ dating!" she said, throwing her hands in the air.

"We aren't?" Rodney asked, looking at her in shock and confusion.

"Guys, do we gotta do this _now_?" Leshawna asked, now the furthest along the trail amongst the team.

"But Rodney said you _were_ dating," Owen told Heather, both ignoring Leshawna. "Well, actually," he said as the shot cut to him only, "he said you were dating," Owen moved his hands to the left, "and then you _broke up_ ," he moved his hands to the right, "but then you started dating _again_!" then moved his hands back to the left.

An odd note played as the shot cut to Heather gaping in utter shock. " _None_ of that makes any sense!" she yelled at Owen and Duncan, the blond cringing while the punk just snorted. "Even if he and I _were_ dating, which we _weren't_ ," the shot cut to a close-up of Rodney as his eyes widened, "why would I dump him just to take him back later?!"

Duncan cracked a smile. "Well, _technically_ he said he dumped you," he told Heather, causing her to stand up straight and furrow her brow.

"Yeah," Owen added, "so he could start dating _Leshawna_ instead."

"Date _who_ now?" Leshawna asked in disbelief.

"You heard the guy," Duncan told her. "And to be honest, I was almost as surprised to hear it as you are. Sounds like Big Rod's got some explaining to do," he said, and all eyes moved to Rodney standing in the middle of their group and fidgeting nervously.

"Well?" Heather asked him harshly. " _Tell me_ they're lying, Rodney."

The shot cut to his close-up as he gulped. "I...I-I-I I mean...the _love_!" he mumbled. "And the...and the _signs_. Talking, and plans, gladness... _balloons_!" he perked up excitedly. "B-but _cool_! And heart connection true my words..." He hung his head sadly, the shot cutting outward to show his teammates giving him strange and bewildered looks.

xxx

"I just don't know what _happened_!" Rodney told the outhouse camera, his voice full of anguish. "One minute everything was fine, but now it's like everything I know is _wrong_ and I just can't see how that could be possible!"

xxx

The music became fast and hectic as the static cut to Brick screaming in terror as he ran away from the snarling bear, the camera soon pulling back to show them chasing around the meeting area. The rest of Team Maskwak was standing near Chris, and all four of them were watching Brick and the bear with varying expressions – the host looking amused, Sky and Mike looking worried, and Eva looking somewhat glum.

"Hey, uh, not that this isn't funny or anything," Chris spoke up, the shot focusing on him as he turned his head to the left and looked over his shoulder to watch Brick run by in the background, "but is anybody gonna bother telling me why you guys brought me a _bear_ instead of the coin like I asked for?"

"We _did_ bring you the coin," Sky told him.

"Rrrrrright...," Chris said, rubbing his chin with a skeptical look as the bear roared and continued chasing Brick. " _You_ say the coin's inside the monkey, which is inside that _bear_ ," he asked, pointing to his hand and then over his shoulder at where the bear had gone. "That's the story you all agreed on?"

"Well, haha, it _is_ the truth," Mike told him, rubbing his neck and laughing awkwardly.

"Yeah, we all saw it," Sky chimed in. "Right Eva?" she asked, looking at her friend.

"Yup...," Eva grunted halfheartedly. "Couldn't do anything to stop it."

"I _see_...," Chris said, still looking skeptical. "Well unless you guys can get the coin back _out_ of the bear and into the vending machine, you're outta luck."

Sky and Mike groaned, and Eva sighed. Then Brick ran past them, earning their attention. "Help me, please!" he cried out before disappearing to the left, the bear still running after him.

Mike gasped. "Oh no! We have to help him!" The shot cut to Sky as she opened her mouth to speak, but the sound of a sharp inhale brought the focus back to 'Mike' has his features became more feminine. "And _Svetlana_ will be the one to do it!" she declared in her Russian accent, raising her arms as a heroic tune played.

"Ha- _hah_!" she laughed as she leaped into the air, the shot cutting to the bear as she landed on its back. "Alright bear, make with the _stopping_!" she told the bear, grabbing it around the neck and pulling tight – the bear, startled, quickly skidded to a stop.

" _Phew_ that was close," Brick said, stopping and wiping his brow in relief before noticing the camera and standing up straight. "I mean, uh, just as planned!" he quickly corrected, his eyes darting from side to side.

The shot cut to Sky and Eva. "Alright Eva, you're up!" Sky told her larger teammate. "You're the only one who can force that bear to cough it up!"

Eva looked at her, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. " _Got it_!" she said in a determined voice, the camera zooming in as her eyes popped open and narrowed. The shot cut to her charging at Svetlana and the stopped bear, yelling a battlecry at the top of her lungs. Just before she reached the bear her teammate did a front flip of its back and to the left, allowing Eva to come up behind it, pick it up around the waist, and squeeze.

The camera moved in for a close-up as the bear's eyes and mouth bulged, and with another mighty grunt from Eva it coughed up several things all at once. The shot cut to the ground as a rather stunned-looking monkey landed with the magazine it looked to be reading, as well as a license plate, a shoe, and an apple core. A pair of slender dark-skinned hands soon scooped the fluid-covered monkey up, and the camera panned upward to show Svetlana grinning victoriously at it.

"Eww...," Sky said, the shot quickly cutting aside to her cringing in disgust.

"Yes, time for sticky monkey to _cough up_!" Svetlana declared as the shot returned to her squeezing the monkey's belly causing its mouth and eyes to bulge.

The tense music that had been playing rose up as Sky and Brick were shown wincing as they watched Svetlana. "Come on, don't hurt it _too_ badly!" Sky asked.

"Yeah, just enough to win!" Brick added.

Just then the camera quick-panned to the left as Leshawna ran out of the woods, a gold coin in her hand and a scowl on her face. "Stupid teammates, gettin' distracted and makin' _me_ do all the hard work..." she grumbled.

The shot cut back to Brick and Sky as they turned their heads back to Svetlana. "Keep going!" Sky said.

"And, and _faster_!" Brick added with a hint of nervousness.

"MOVE IT!" Eva roared as the camera panned a little ways over to her.

"Yes yes, Svetlana knows," Svetlana told them as the shot cut to her continuing to squeeze the monkey's belly, now holding it against her chest. "And _succeeds_!" she added with a cheer and a victorious riff as one more strong push caused the monkey to spit out the coin. Svetlana promptly dropped it and jumped forward, the shot cutting to the coin on the ground as she quickly picked it up. "Go with the catching!" she cried as she flipped the coin forward the camera following it through the air before showing Sky catching it.

"Outta the way!" Leshawna barked as she ran past the three members of Team Maskwak, causing them to gasp.

"Eva, throw me!" Sky quickly told her muscular teammate.

"What?!" Eva asked in shock.

" _Throw me_!" Sky repeated.

Eva's eyes were shown widening in close-up, then narrowing confidently. "Got it!" she said, the camera pulling back to show her crouch down with her hands cupped together. Sky leaped onto the foothold, and with a mighty grunt Eva stood up and launched her into the air. The camera cut to Sky somersaulting through the air, and the sun gleamed behind her as tense music played.

The shot cut back to Leshawna running, a smile forming on her face. The viewpoint shifted to her own to show the the vending machine getting closer and closer, then returned to Leshawna's side. "Mm-mm," she said confidently, "three victories in a row is gonna taste _sweet_!"

Then, just as she was about to reach it, Sky, suddenly landed in front of her. Leshawna gasped and skid to a stop, and a close-up showed Sky inserting her team's coin into the slot on the machine. "No!" Leshawna gasped.

" _Yes_!" Sky cheered, raising her arms as a victory theme played.

"Whoa!" Chris exclaimed in shock as the shot cut to him. "Game over!" he turned and told the camera. "Team Maskwak wins the challenge!" he announced, and Svetlana, Eva, and Brick cheered. A pained groan cut them off, and the shot followed their gazes to the ground to show the bear crawling off on its belly.

"Today's snack food is from our Japanese affiliate," Chris told the camera in a suave voice as it cut back to him. He turned to the side and motioned to the vending machine, a familiar fast-paced electronic jingle playing as the machine was shown against the usual orange-and-gold radiant background. "Iiiiiit's Chef Hatchet's Total Drama Yum-Yum Happy Go-Time Candy _Fishtails_!" he announced as several of the disgusting treats flew out of the vending machine, wiggled in the air a bit, then came together in front of the machine's signboard and disappeared.

"Okay," Chris said in a more serious tone, both teams now assembled before him, "Team Kinosewak, it's time for you to vote to determine _who's_ going into the cannon," he told them sternly. The shot cut in front of the five of them, Leshawna and Heather and Duncan all sending glares at most of the others while Owen stood awkwardly in the back and Rodney hung his head in shame.

/

A few deep notes played after the scene flashed back to Team Kinosewak's barn, the camera soon panning down and over to their fire pit to show Leshawna and Rodney dumping a small pile of sticks and twigs by it.

"The point is, big guy," Leshawna told her ashamed-looking teammate, "you can't go thinkin' every little thing a girls says or does means she likes you, that just ain't how it works. I can't really blame you for feelin' the way you do, especially cause it seems nobody every really told you how to handle those emotions. But next time you get all starry-eyed over someone," she said, the shot cutting to Rodney listening intently before moving back to her, "just take a deep breath, relax, and think about it some more. Odds are she didn't mean it the way you think she did. And if she did," Leshawna gave a short laugh as she arranged a few sticks on the firepit, "well, you'll probably know it once you get the hang of things. Relationships take a whole _lotta_ communication, just keep that in mind."

The camera panned over to Rodney as he gulped. "Right. Thanks, Leshawna," he said with a small smile that quickly faded. "And, umm, sorry again for how I acted," he said in shame.

"Hey, it's all water under the bridge," Leshawna told him with a smile. "What's important is that we caught it _now_ , so you can work on gettin' it sorted out."

Rodney smiled. "Yeah, I guess I can," he said.

The music turned tense and ominous, and the camera panned up to the barn's front window to show Heather glaring down at her teammates. The scene then cut inside to show her walking away from the window to the center of the room, and crouching down by the ladder-hole. She put on a sweet smile, then called out "Hey Owen, can I talk to you up here for a sec?"

"Just a minute!" came Owen's reply, and Heather stood up and stepped back as the thuds of heavy footsteps and ladder-climbing came up from below. Moments later, Owen stuck his head up through the hole into the girls' room. "What's up?" he asked.

"Just thinking about tonight's vote," Heather said calmly, causing Owen's smile to drop. "I know it's gonna be hard to vote out a friend, but I'm thinking we need to get rid of Leshawna. She's crafty, and if _anyone's_ gonna figure out how to turn the others against us it's her."

Owen scrunched up his face in discomfort. "Are you sure? I really _like_ Leshawna..."

"I do too," Heather said with a sympathetic tone, placing her hand on Owen's shoulder. "But we have to vote off _someone_ , and she's the biggest long-term threat to us. Can I count on you to get Duncan on board with this?"

A dull note played as the shot cut to Owen sighing. "I'll try," he said before climbing back down the ladder. Once he was out of sight, the camera panned back up to Heather, who smirked as an ominous riff played.

/

The footage skipped ahead to show Rodney tending the roaring campfire by himself, a sad yet thoughtful look on his face. The camera focused in on the open barn door in the background as Heather leaned out and looked around, then scampered out and ducked down out of sight.

Rodney sighed as the shot pulled back out to him, then jumped in surprise when Heather popped up behind him and whispered "Hey!"

"Oh, hey Heather," Rodney turned and told her in a forlorn voice. "I'm really sorry again about what happened...I'm so _embarrassed_..."

Heather lips curled into a smile. "Well, if you wanna make it up to me," she told him, "why don't you vote for Leshawna tonight?"

"Leshawna?!" Rodney gasped. "I can't do that, not after what I did to her!"

"Well, it's either _her_ or _me_ ," Heather told him sharply. "I suggest you think _hard_ about who you want on your side after tonight."

Another tense riff played as Heather walked away, and Rodney sighed.

xxx

"Uggh, it _figures_ ," Heather griped, crossing her arms and sending a sharp look to the side. "Rodney doesn't wanna vote for Leshawna, and it's not like I can get _Owen_ to vote for _Duncan_. So I have to either hope _Duncan_ votes for Leshawna, or somehow come up with a _different_ plan. Uggh," she grunted, "these people are so _annoying_!"

xxx

The scene moved to Duncan and Owen picking berries off a bush together. "So, uh," Owen began awkwardly, "I was thinking we should both vote for Leshawna tonight."

Duncan stopped picking to give Owen a strange look. " _Leshawna_? Why her? She's not _that_ annoying, and she's pretty good at challenges. I say keep her around."

"Yeah, but don't you think she might wanna get rid of one of us?" Owen asked.

"Hey, if you think that feel free to vote her out," Duncan said with a slight scoff as he resumed picking berries. "Just keep me out of it." As he spoke, the shot cut to Owen as he frowned uncertainly.

The sound of footsteps just then caught their attention, and they looked up and to the left to see Leshawna running up to them. "Just who I wanted to see," she greeted them, oblivious to Owen's suddenly nervous expression. "I'm thinkin' it's time we sent that shady _Heather_ packin'. You guys in?"

Duncan snorted and turned his attention to the berry bush once more. "What is it with people trying to tell me who to vote for today? I get that the alliance thing is gonna have to go down eventually, but I'm not feelin' it at this stage of the game."

"So what?" Leshawna asked testily. "You're just gonna let Heather stick around and keep messin' with everyone?"

"Hey, I don't care about whatever beef you and her have," Duncan scoffed, slinging his berry pouch over his shoulder. "I just know that I'm voting for Big Rod tonight. The dude's a mess, it's like doing him a favor." The shot cut to Owen as he frowned again. "But hey," Duncan said as he turned and started to walk away, "you guys do what you want, I'm not gonna stop you."

Leshawna crossed her arms and hummed in annoyance, the camera zooming in slightly on her and Owen. "Can you believe that guy?"

Owen laughed nervously. "Haha, yeah, that, uh, that _Duncan_..." He gulped and looked away anxiously, and Leshawna glared in the direction that Duncan had gone.

/

Another flash took the scene back to Rodney at the firepit, barely looking up as Owen walked up to him. "Hey, man, I brought you some food," Owen said with a cheery smile, holding out a handful of berries.

"Thanks," Rodney said, taking them. He stared at them for a moment, then took a deep breath and looked up at Owen. "Hey, uh, can I ask you something?"

The shot cut to Owen as his brow shot up in mild surprise, and an ominous riff played in the background.

/

A deep, sharp note opened the ceremonial music as the scene cut to the usual moonlit shot of the island. "Team Kinosewak has voted," Chris said, the Floating Salmon's icon appearing in the corner of the screen as the scene moved to the fire pit. "The following players are _safe_ ," he continued as the shot cut in close and he picked up the first of four marshmallows from the tray that Chef Hatchet was holding. "Owen," the camera quick-panned over to the backrow to show the boy in question happily catching his prize, "and Duncan." A pan to the side showed the delinquent holding his hands out with similar eagerness, only to quickly duck in shock as a clump of something brown sailed over his head.

"That's for stealing my wallet earlier," Chris explained with a stern expression as the shot cut back to him. "Be happy that's _all_ you're getting tonight. The rest of you received votes against you," he said, switching back to his usual calm expression. The shot immediately cut to the front row as Heather and Leshawna shot glares at each other from either side of Rodney, who merely hung his head in acceptance.

"Leshawna, however, will _not_ be going home this time," Chris said matter-of-factly as he tossed another marshmallow at the campers.

"Hah! Take _that_ , you skinny little _toothpick_ ," Leshawna shot at her rival upon catching her prize, Heather gaping in shock then growling in anger.

"And the final marshmallow _goes_ to...," Chris said, the music reaching its tensest part as Heather turned a shocked and terrified look his way. The host closed his eyes and picked up the marshmallow, and the music peaked... " _Heather_." He opened his eyes, and tossed the marshmallow away.

" _Yes_!" Heather stood and cheered, catching her marshmallow then turning a smug look towards her annoyed rival. "Take _that_."

"Rodney, you're out," Chris said from off-screen, the camera panning to Rodney as he stood up.

"I know," he said sadly, the viewpoint shifting to the side as he turned around. "Thanks for voting for me like I asked, fellas," he told Duncan and Owen.

"No problem, man," Duncan said with a calm smirk, bumping fists with the farmer.

Rodney turned to Owen, who stood up and cried. "Anything for a friend," he sobbed, hugging Rodney around the arms and even picking him up slightly.

"But why him?" Leshawna asked in shock, the shot cutting to her as Owen set Rodney down.

"Sorry," Rodney told her, rubbing the back of his head, "I just...couldn't stand being here anymore after how I treated you girls."

"And _I_ can't stand you being here anymore _either_ ," Chris said in annoyance, drawing the attention back to him. "The cannon awaits."

/

The screen flipped around, transitioning the scene to the Cannon of Shame with Rodney already loaded in. "So long everyone," he said as the sombre farewell theme played. "I really learned a lot from being out here with all of you. I hope one day I'll finally get a hold of this love-filled heart of mine," he said, closing his eyes and nodding slowly solemnly.

His eyes popped back open and he smiled. "Hey, those words weren't half bad!" he said with a glimmer of excitement.

"I disagree," Chris said simply as the shot cut to him pressing the button on his remote. Rodney was fired off into the night with a yell, and the shot cut to his former teammates watching him leave from the edge of the elimination area.

"Well, that's another one gone and already forgotten," Chris said smugly as the shot cut back to him, shrugging as the opening beats of the capstone theme played. "As tempting as it is to see how many kids I can stuff into the cannon, _eight_ remain. Who's next to show us their cannon-do spirit? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

And thus ends Rodney's time on the show, as a few of you have predicted. As I've said several times by now, I really do like him as a character - I see a bit of myself in him, as well as a lot of potential to grow and be interesting. I know a lot of you found him annoying to start off with, and kinda still do, but I do hope I've been able to at least redeem him somewhat in all of your eyes.

Rodney aside, I think a lot of development occurred this week. Both Leshawna and Heather continued their strategies only for them to fail; Owen and Duncan bonded a little with Mike and Brick and all four explored their own desires and goals and maybe even weaknesses...and Eva divulged a bit more of her own feelings and why she's guilty, while Sky continued to be the glue that holds Maskwak together. I don't know, I just feel like this was the most important episode in the season to date in terms of both setting things up and developing characters. I hope you all feel in reading it what I felt in writing it.

Let's see, what else...well, Duncan did something bad, that's something people wanted right? I'll give credit to Animation Adventures for the exact misdeed, but the consequences are something I came up with my own. The problem with Duncan is that even if I do have him do some bad boy stuff, there's just no point - why steal when there's nowhere to go and nothing to buy, and why destroy when the only really destructible things are your shelter? Safe to say, Duncan's a bit stir crazy being in such an alien situation. But hey, at least his larceny led to a certain revelation...

Well, that's all I have to say for now. Next week is the midpoint of the season, and while I haven't finished writing the chapter yet I think it's safe to say that interesting things are bound to happen. I hope you all look forward to it.

Until then, find yourselves.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)


	7. Chapter 7 - This is the Pits

**Author's Note**

And thus, dear readers, we arrive at the mid-point of the season. I believe I've already said things to this effect, but this is an incredibly amazing Final 9, I feel, and it's gonna be really difficult deciding who goes when from now on. But don't be too concerned - I have finally come up with a solid idea for the finale, and that's gonna shape how events and plotlines proceed from here on out. I hope you all enjoy what is to come!

For now, the reviews.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thanks as always!

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** I suppose, though I would like to have another chance to develop him without really having to worry too much about his girl issues, as I think he has a lot to offer. Duncan linking Mike to Mal was an inevitability that I'm glad I was able to get out of the way. And I'm glad you enjoyed Eva coming through in the challenge; she might still be feeling down because of how she views her and Sky, but that doesn't mean she unable to step up when she realizes it's needed.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Thank you, I'm glad you loved it so much. Predicting Rodney's elimination wasn't too difficult I suppose, but I am glad I gave him a better send-off than in canon. Character development is always preferred for those like Rodney. And yeah, Heather certainly continues to be in a bad position, but luckily there were three easy people to get rid of before her. Now that it's just her, Leshawna, Owen, and Duncan, things might just get a little rough... As for the caves...well, I think they're pretty fun, so I hope you enjoy them.

 **Animation Adventures:** Haha, well, I try to do my best with characters like him. As I've said before, he's got a lot of potential - it just needs some special work to bring out. And I'm glad I was able to make your day with Duncan's little bit of larceny and what followed from it, and I hope you're over your cold. And yeah, lol, Leshawna really is the most level-headed member of Kinosewak, and that's pretty much been my plan for her from the start. Mike, and especially Owen, are definitely people I wanted to portray as a bit more intelligent/observant than in canon. Well, I guess Mike was always pretty good mentally...but with Owen, I want him to be goofy but not dumb/incompetent, so him actually noticing things is a definite part of that.  
Let's see, what else...well, I wouldn't really call Heather's alliance imploding an epic fail to be honest, simply because it was always gonna be kind of an uphill battle for her considering who was on her team. As for Brick and Duncan's bags...honestly, I don't know where they came from. Maybe they were made, or maybe they came from the junk pile in the common area that I've just been assuming has been there since episode one. Or maybe a little of both? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this episode.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Well...fair enough, I guess. I can't expect everyone to like Rodney as much as I do. And yeah, Duncan connecting Mal and Mike is gonna be pretty important in the coming weeks, probably.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Hah. Yeah, I suppose Rodney's time had definitely come by last week - he's an interesting character, but there's a lot more of those in this cast and Rodney's just a little bit expendable compared to them. But hey, I managed to give him some development, and now Mal has been brought up in the story. So it's safe to say things are gonna be getting more and more intense as the season goes on... I'm glad you enjoyed Owen's hunter gag, but as for what might happen to him in the future...well, you'll just have to wait and see.

 **Glowing Insanity:** Awesome, I'm always happy to hear that and I'm glad the pre-ceremony scenes were able to misdirect you even if it was only for a little while. I hope you enjoy what happens next!

 **bruno14:** Hey, somebody's gotta notice the weirdness and it might as well be Owen and Mike. They're a really nice friendship, and I'm a little sad I didn't really give them any scenes before last week but oh well. As for Eva...well, she's definitely developing that's for sure. And it really makes me happy that someone is gonna miss Rodney, so thank you.

 **Derrick Lindsey:** Thanks! I'm happy I was able to give Rodney so much development instead of just treating him as a joke like in canon. Though I will admit that Ella's song did truly make the original episode, and it's just not something that can be replaced. And I'm glad to see you're looking forward to this week's episode so much... Regarding Dave, I don't know how much focus I ever would've put on a friendship between him and Owen simply because I don't really like Dave that much. Though I will admit that Owen tries to be friends with everyone, so... And don't feel bad about not noticing how the original gen 1 campers were divided, I didn't notice it myself until you pointed it out lol.

 **ashDanLand:** Thank you, and yeah I guess the remaining members of the cast are all pretty solid and likeable. I know all of them have been quite fun to write - Heather and Leshawna's rivalry; Eva's crush on Sky; Owen not just being some fart machine; and Mike and Brick and Duncan all being themselves. I hope you like what happens this week!

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Hey, that's what I was going for with him - a willing elimination courtesy of character development and realization - so I'm happy. Rodney has a lot of potential as a character, and I'm glad to have been able to draw some of it out. And honestly, despite butch lesbian very much being a real thing, they are seriously underrepresented in fiction - a good deal in part because of folks like you who have a knee-jerk dislike of that type of woman as a character.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Thanks! Honestly, I'm really proud of what I was able to do with Rodney. My readers may not all like him as I do, but at the very least I made him not as annoying to them, and to those like you I managed to develop him quite well. Heather and Leshawna...well, they honestly never had much of a chance to go home despite what it seemed; Kinosewak was just too disunited. Owen is another person I'm super glad to have shown more sides of, as like you said his canon portrayals really didn't do him justice. Not much else to say, but you've got a good understanding of the cast as they are now.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** I know you won't miss him, but I will.

 **Klimmatt:** Well, I do think I've expanded on Rodney's character a _little_ bit... But whatever, I guess. And yeah, this is a very strong Final 8 - it's been super tough deciding who goes home from here on forward, simply because there's no obvious choice and everyone is a good character. And I wouldn't really call Duncan 'compulsive', but yeah he's definitely getting restless and agitated, which may very well affect how things go down in the near future.

 **OMAC001:** Oh ho ho? Well then...not much I can say to that, I'm afraid.

 **DSX62415:** Fair enough. Rodney did certainly fare much better here than in canon. I hope you enjoy what happens next...

 **CVluvFoxy:** Well, I guess it's about all I can expect. Maybe if I ever get the chance to write him again I'll be able to explore more of his potential as a character. Interesting predictions for the finalists, as always... And I'm glad you're enjoying Owen, as well as Heather and Leshawna. And Eva to, of course. Honestly, there's just so much to love about the remaining cast, it's basically destined to make each elimination a little bit heartbreaking.

 **link9753:** Yeah, Rodney going home was the only really easy choice to make. I'm glad I've done what I did with him, but it was his time to go. You're certainly right that all eight remaining campers would make viable finalists, so it's gonna be especially difficult to predict - and write - the remaining eliminations. Same with the switch...but, well, I look forward to your reactions to this week's episode.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Thank you. I think I did my best with Rodney, at least considering who else was on the cast; I'd definitely like to write him some other time. I'm glad you enjoyed Duncan's misdeed; to be honest, the reason he didn't keep the wallet was because there was no point in it. He knew he was being watched by cameras, so it was only a matter of time before he got caught - better to just take the wallet then dump it. Chris knows where the wallet is, but because of that he's decided to just get a new one. Mike and Owen not being believed...well, part of it is Chris wanting to keep the secret a secret. The other part is that the rest of the cast simply hasn't noticed it somehow, presumably having other things keeping their attention. Leshawna will hopefully be more important now, but she wasn't in that much danger of going home...or maybe she was? Working it out in my mind, Rodney and Duncan probably would've voted for each other, meaning two votes against Leshawna would've been enough...  
I wouldn't worry about Brick reforming Duncan - it IS Duncan, after all. Not much else to say; interesting thoughts on a potential swap, and I look forward to seeing your reaction to this week's events.

 **I. M. Poik:** Mmm. Well, Heather and Leshawn'a rivalry started, like, back in episode one; it just wasn't in the foreground. Oh, and as far as I know Duncan's act of thievery wasn't a reference to anything, it was just something I wanted to do based off an idea Animation Adventures gave me.

 **Star Saber21:** True, true, and I'm glad I good do that for the guy. Enjoy the episode!

 **Joel Connell:** Oh, definitely. I'm pretty happy I was able to avoid a painful or awkward elimination for him. Other than that, interesting predictions and I look forward to seeing your reaction to how things play out.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Yup, and thank you. Honestly, I'd completely forgotten about that joke until you mentioned it, but even if I hadn't I wouldn't have used it - as you said, it was in poor taste and didn't really fit the mood. I'm glad you enjoyed my portrayal/interpretation of Rodney; he;s definitely a character I'd like to write again. And honestly, I'm really really happy about the Mike-Owen interaction; it kinda makes me wonder why I didn't do that earlier but I guess last episode was just about the perfect time for that conversation to occur. Both of them are very keenly aware of their personal faults, and it was just a nice feel-good scene to write so I'm glad that feeling transitioned well to being read. And yeah, Duncan's criminality would've definitely made an appearance earlier had he been introduced in any other season, but like you said there just wasn't any real opportunity to do so this time around. And as for him remembering Mal...well, only time will tell what that leads to.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Thanks! I'm glad I was able to give Rodney such a good ending. And yeah, safe to say things are gonna get a bit more interesting regarding Duncan...

 **TheHungerGames19:** Nope, not quite! :) The thing with Rodney is that you gotta look _beyond_ the running joke. There's a lot you can do with him if you're willing to try. I'm glad you're liking Eva, and interesting predictions. I hop you like what happens next.

 **GirlPower54:** Right. As for Mal...well, I'm afraid I'm just not gonna spoil my plans for him.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Ah, no problem, no problem; these things happen, especially when you're busy. And yeah, episode 5 was pretty different without Shawn's or the twins' sideplots. But, well, it was what it was, and I'm glad I was able to make everything work out how I wanted it to. Especially because I got to do away with Dave finally, giving me the room to focus on Eva's crush on Sky. They're definitely an interesting pairing, I feel.  
And then, of course, last episode...was definitely similar with then monkey approaches, pretty much because I didn't really have any ideas of what to do otherwise. But at least there's some interest in seeing how a different group of people approaches the same problem, even if the approaches did end up being...well, similar. But, honestly, the episode was more about the character interactions, especially regarding Rodney. I'm pretty happy with how it all went down, from Duncan's IC dickishness to Leshawna teaching poor Rodney what he did wrong. And as for Mal's lack of appearance...well, I guess it's all just a part of the pace I decided on for Mike's subplot. Not much else to say; there's a lot of interesting things in the works (even if so much of it hasn't exactly been fully planned out yet) and I look forward to hearing your thoughts on them.

 **graveexcitement:** Well, fair enough. Doing better with characters than canon is what I like. I'm glad you enjoyed the conversations between the boys, they were fun to right for different reasons... And yeah, the connection that Duncan remembered is bound to make things interesting, though how exactly it does so will have to be seen.

And that's all the reviews this time! As you all know by now, **TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

Likewise, the teams are as such:

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Mike, Sky

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Owen

Things are gonna get...well, a little bit dark this week. I hope you're all prepared.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 7 – This is the Pits**

"Last episode was crammed _full_ of monkey!" Chris opened, the recap montage immediately beginning with Rodney leading Team Kinosewak – and the pine tree full of monkeys – in waving their arms in the air. "And _monkey_ crammed full!" the host added over shots of the monkeys looking out at Leshawna, then Duncan narrowly dodging a barrage of monkey poop thrown at him after a threat.

"A hunt for some golden coins brought Maskwak together as they dealt with an increasingly ridiculous chain of events," he continued, the montage quickly flashing from their monkey refusing the banana Brick offered, to the monkey eating their coin, to a bear eating the monkey, and to Brick fleeing from the bear as his teammates and the host watched. "And tore Kinosewak _apart_ as Rodney's messy love life finally caught up with him," Chris added as clips were shown of Rodney talking to Duncan, then Duncan cracking a joke as the team ran through the woods which caused them all to stop, then the entire team breaking out into arguments that culminated in Rodney hanging his head in shame.

"In the end, Kinosewak lost," Sky was shown landing in front of Leshawna right before she reached the vending machine, "and despite some scheming from Heather and Leshawna," both girls were shown talking to the boys at separate times, "it was _Rodney_ who was sent home by his own wishes." Rodney was shown standing up in acceptance as the final marshmallow went to Heather, then getting blasted off into the night.

The montage ended there, and the scene moved to Chris standing alone in the elimination area. "Eight remain," he told the camera. "Who will stay, and _who_ gets blasted away? Find out right here, right now, on Total! Drama! Paaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A harsh trilling tune played as the scene opened on Team Kinosewak's barn, Heather walking out of it with a yawn and a stretch of her arms. The camera zoomed in and followed her to the team's firepit, where she stopped and locked eyes with Leshawna who was tending it. "Morning," she said in a level tone.

"Morning yourself," Leshawna replied. "You mind helpin' me with this?"

"What," Heather smirked as the shot cut to her close-up, "having trouble keeping the fire going without Rodney around?"

" _No_ ," Leshawna scowled as the camera moved to her. "But we're almost outta firewood, and _you're_ the only one around to get some more. So unless you wanna have a cold breakfast, I suggest you get movin'."

The shot cut back to Heather as she huffed. "Duh, I know that. Lighten up, would you?" she said as she started to walk away to the right. "And don't worry," she called back over her shoulder with a smile, "I'll get you _plenty_ of firewood."

Leshawna snorted softly and looked back at the fire. "Yeah, you better..."

xxx

"Heather's just lucky she's been toein' the line with the boys," Leshawna confessed. "The moment they see her lazy, conniving _butt_ for what it is, they'll see things _my_ way and vote her off. Until then," she gave a small laugh and made a short hand motion, "yeah, I'll make her work. Might as well get _some_ use out of her stickin' around. I just gotta make sure she doesn't get her claws into the boys."

xxx

"Uggh, Leshawna's just lucky that Owen _bailed_ on me last night," Heather griped in the outhouse. "Otherwise, _she'd_ be out of the competition and _I'd_ be sitting pretty. Well, pretti _er_ ," she corrected with a prim and self-assured smile. "Point is," she waved her hand and became serious once more, "I _have_ to get the boys on my side before she does, otherwise I'm toast. And _that_ means I can't give them any reason to eliminate me. So yeah," she clasped her hands together and smiled sweetly, "I'll _gladly_ make myself useful around camp by hauling around dirty firewood."

She held her smile for a second, then crossed her arms and glowered to the side. "Stupid survival _mattering_ this season," she muttered. "This is _not_ the game I signed up to play."

xxx

"Okay," Duncan told the camera in the confessional, "I'm like 99% sure that Mike is _really_ a guy named Mal I knew in juvie. The dude was pretty bad news, but I've been doin' some thinkin' and since we're on opposite teams there might not be a whole lot he can do to me if I blow his cover, especially if I can get him booted off. But if I wanna turn his teammates against him, I gotta make _darn sure_ I know who I'm dealing with, and that means taking a few risks."

xxx

A few deep, ominous notes played as the static cut away to Mike walking through the forest with a sack of fruit slung over his shoulder and a smile on his face. "Let me see," he said to himself as he stopped in front of a large tree and looked around, "Brick and Owen said they were gonna try another fishing spot, so..."

As he spoke the music became tense and eerie, and the shadowy form of Duncan leaned out from the tree with a devilish smirk. He ducked out of sight, and Mike started to scratch his head. "Not sure where Duncan went, though...," he said just before the music spiked and Duncan popped up behind him, grabbing him under the arms.

"Gotcha!" the punk hissed.

"Dude, what is your _problem_?" Mike asked angrily as he began to squirm.

"You're the one with the problem, _Mal_!" Duncan replied.

Mike froze, his eyes wide and his mouth agape.

xxx

"Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh, this isn't good!" Mike said, a hand on his forehead and his eyes wide with panic. "I can't believe _Duncan_ knows about _Mal_! No wonder he recognized me, we must've gone to juvie together. I gotta clear this up or I'm done for!"

xxx

"Wait, I can explain!" Mike said frantically. "I'm not _him_ , he was just one of my alters!"

Duncan paused, then narrowed his eyes. "Oh yeah? Why should I believe you?"

"C'mon, do you really think _anyone_ could fake having my disorder?" Mike asked.

"Hmm...true," Duncan said thoughtfully before suddenly tightening his hold. "But that doesn't mean you aren't really Mal just _pretending_ to be Mike."

"I'm _me_ , I _swear_!" Mike said. "While I was in juvie I started therapy, and thanks to that I was able to break Mal's hold over me and lock him away in my subconscious. I never would've gotten out otherwise, you know how he was!"

The shot cut back to Duncan's narrow eyes. "True...he never exactly seemed like he _wanted_ to get out."

"Because he _didn't_ ," Mike said with a hopeful smile. "But _I_ did! Please, you gotta believe me! I'm _begging_ you, I'll do _anything_!"

"...Mal never woulda _begged_ ," Duncan said in a suspicious tone, "not even for his _life_."

"That _proves_ I'm not him!" Mike said.

The camera jumped back as the two boys looked at each other, then Duncan grunted and let Mike go. "Fine. I'll believe you. For _now_ ," Duncan said sternly as Mike rubbed his shoulders and turned around to face him.

"Thank you _so_ much," Mike said. "And if it's not too much to ask, do you mind not telling the others? I _really_ don't want this to ruin the friendships I've built with them."

"Oh yeah?" Duncan asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. "And what'll happen if Mal comes back and they're not prepared?"

"That...really shouldn't happen I don't think," Mike admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "But in case it does and you think he might be pretending to be me, then, uh...well, I don't suppose you remember that tune he always whistled, do you?"

"I do, but what's that got to do with anything?" Duncan asked in confusion.

"If you just whistle, like, part of it," Mike explained, "then he'll finish it for sure. He can't help himself, and it's like his only tell."

A few tense notes played as Duncan narrowed his eyes in suspicion again, then whistled the first few notes of the most well-known part of Edvard Grieg's 'In the Hall of the Mountain King'. He stopped abruptly, the shot briefly cutting outward before moving back onto Mike as he smiled awkwardly. "See, what'd I tell ya?" he said.

Duncan snorted. "Fine, I guess it checks out," he said as he coolly started walking to the right, soon passing Mike. "I'll keep your secret, but you _owe_ me."

"Haha, yeah, sure thing!" Mike said with an awkward yet eager laugh, quickly following after the punk.

/

The scene flashed over to the bunker of Team Maskwak, a bluebird flying by in front of it. "And _that's_ how I saved my entire platoon from an enemy team, a pack of hungry dogs, and a nest of fire ants all at the same time!" Brick said, the shot cutting inside in mid-sentence to show him and his teammates standing around the entrance of their shelter eating fruit and what looked like roasted fish on skewers.

"Wow, Brick," Sky said with a bright smile, "that sounds amazing! I never realized just how fearless you are."

Brick chuckled proudly. "Well for a soldier like me, _fearlessness_ is a defining quality. Can't exactly charge into battle if there's something you're _afraid_ of, now can ya?" He smirked confidently and waved a finger at his teammates, the shot panning to the left a little to show Mike and Eva looking down or away with distracted expressions.

"Huh?" Mike said as he looked up. "Oh, uh, yeah."

"Mm," Eva grunted, looking up and at Sky, then quickly looking away as a faint blush formed on her cheeks. Sky raised an eyebrow, then shared a confused look and shrug with Brick.

Just then, the sound of a blowhorn came over the camp loudspeakers and shook the bunker. "Calling all contestants!" Chris began as the four Bears looked up and to the right. "It's time to get rolling!" He laughed, and the four campers shared a wary look. "Ahh, that'll make sense in a minute..."

/

The scene promptly flashed to a close-up of Chris' smiling face. "Listen up everyone," he began. "Today's challenge is _simple_." The shot cut outward to show both teams standing by, their team logos appearing as they sighed in relief. "Simple, and _deadly_!" Chris clarified, furrowing his brow devilishly as the music spiked and the cast groaned.

"You'll all be racing across the island," he explained, motioning to the right, "in these _Turbo Orbs_!" A pan over revealed Chef standing by two giant hollow orbs, one green and one red and each with an open circular hatch on the side. "Each team will cram into one Turbo Orb and _run_ like a hamster in a wheel," Chris continued as he walked over. "First team to the other side of the island wins immunity."

"Hey, that almost sounds kinda fun!" Owen said brightly as the shot cut to him and Duncan.

"For _you_ maybe," Duncan said as he started walking towards the orbs.

The shot cut outward to show the campers heading into their respective orbs. "Let's just get this over with already," Heather griped as she followed Leshawna into the green orb, Duncan following behind her.

"Excuse me, sorry," Mike apologized as he climbed into the red orb after Eva and Sky. Owen then tried to climb into the green orb only to get stuck, his legs dangling freely into the air before his teammates inside grunted and he was sucked inside with a hollow sound. Chris put his hands behind his back as he watched them, then looked to the left – the camera panning over to the sole remaining camper, Brick.

The shot cut in closer to show him shivering nervously. "Brick? Hello~?" Chris said as he walked over. "That was kind of an order, y'know."

"R-right," Brick stuttered. "It's just, uh, it looks awfully _dark_ inside those things."

"Probably cause it is," Chris told him. "You're not, like, scared of the dark or anything, are you?" he asked in mock concern.

"N-no, of course not!" Brick said in mild alarm, finally taking his eyes off the off-screen orbs. "It's just that, uh," he rubbed the back of his head, "how are we supposed to see where we're going once we're inside?"

"You're not," Chris answered. "That's kinda the whole point. So, y'know, get inside so we can get started."

"R-right," Brick said before gulping nervously.

xxx

"Ever since I was born, I hated the dark," Brick confessed anxiously. "With the _creaks_ ," he held his arms against his chest in fright and looked to the side, "a-and the ' _Who's that?_ '" he looked to the other side, "and the ' _Get away!_ '"

He gulped. "But I can't tell my teammates that, they'll just think I'm weak again!"

xxx

"I'm alright," Brick declared as he walked past Chris, "I can do this. Just...concerned about the safety of my team is all."

"Uh- _huh_...," Chris said in mild disbelief as the sound of Brick stopping came the moment he left the screen. "Well then," he said as the shot cut outward to reveal the cadet frozen in his tracks and shivering in fear, "if you wanna keep 'em _safe_ , then you better _compete_. That's an _order_ ," he said sternly.

Brick just gulped.

"Okay, bad cop didn't work," Chris said with his usual smile. "Time for good cop!" A touching tune played as the shot cut back to Brick, the host walking up and putting an arm around his shoulders. "Brick," he said softly earning the cadet's attention, "I didn't know you had this _issue_. Now that I do, I realize this challenge is harder for you than _any_ one else," Brick raised an eyebrow with an awkward expression, "and that's unfair. Chef," he said with a sudden and manic grin to the side, "toss him in!"

The music spiked dramatically as Chef leaned over, grabbed Brick by the shirt, and tossed him screaming into the red orb. He slammed the door shut behind him, then the camera pulled back to show Chris walking over to the green orb.

"Hey, can we have a bigger orb?" Leshawna stuck her head out and asked irately. "There's hardly any room to _breathe_ with Owen in here!"

"Sorry, one size fits all," Chris told her before shutting the door. "YOU MIGHT FEEL A SLIGHT DROP!" he yelled loudly, taking up a position to push the orb as Chef did the same with the red one. "READY! SET! _GO_!" At his mark the two men pushed the orbs into motion, and the camera followed them as they slowly started rolling with the campers inside screaming all the way.

They promptly fell into the opening of a pit cave, and Chris laughed.

Dangerous music played as the camera followed them down the shaft, the two orbs colliding with numerous rocky ledges along the way, eliciting grunts of pain from those inside them. After a few seconds, though, the camera stopped moving and the orbs dropped off-screen, hitting the unseen ground with a pair of particularly loud and metallic thuds.

The groans of the campers rang through the air, the shot cutting to the orbs sitting in the holes they'd made as the dust cleared. The camera zoomed in on the door of the red orb as it swung open, Eva falling backward out of it and landing on the ground with a groan. Sky followed as she tripped forward in a daze, landing on Eva's chest to the shock of both.

"Oh, sorry," Sky said with a small smile as Eva gaped slightly.

xxx

"Just my luck," Eva grunted. "The girl I like falls on me and we almost _kiss_ , and I can't even enjoy it!" She raised her arms in frustration, then growled. "Seriously, this whole situation _bites_."

xxx

The static cut away to Sky standing up then helping Eva to her feet, only to catch movement out of the corner of her eye and look backwards to see Mike slumping against the side of the orb. "This is why I don't go on thrill rides," he mumbled before Brick suddenly crawled out over him with a panicked gasp.

"Whoa, are you alright?" Sky asked, catching Brick and steadying him as Eva walked forward and picked up Mike.

"Y-yeah," Brick said between fast and heavy breaths, the shot cutting in close as his eyes darted around. "Just, uh, getting my bearings, that's all. I...I see the sun's shining on us," he said once his gaze had locked above them, the shot pulling back as he stepped away from Sky. "We can see where we are, that's nice. And I can climb us out of here in a jiffy!" he said, becoming more and more confident with each word.

A metallic squeaking caught his attention and the shot cut to the hatch of Team Kinosewak's orbs swinging open, Heather crawling out of it and gasping for air. Duncan and Leshawna soon tumbled out after her, and Owen followed after them only to get stuck halfway through. "Little help, guys?" he asked his teammates with a look downward towards their heavy breaths. "And where _are_ we, anyway? I don't think we can roll out of here."

"I'm not surprised," came the voice of Chris, the rest of Team Kinosewak raising their heads as all four looked to the side. "So," the host continued as the camera cut behind the four Salmons then panned up and forward to show him watching from a large monitor mounted on the cave wall, "your _real_ challenge is getting out of this cave."

"Then why _bother_ cramming us into those _orbs_?" Heather asked irately, now on her feet with Leshawna and Duncan trying to pull Owen out in the background.

"If I had said I wanted to cram you into giant balls and drop you a hundred and forty feet into a cave," Chris explained with a mischievous smile, "you all would've _mooooaned_ and _whiiiiined_...this was easier!" he finished cheerily.

"Point taken," Mike said as the shot cut back to Team Maskwak.

"Moving on," Chris said as Heather walked by in the foreground, "there are two bags of supplies somewhere behind you."

The shot cut to Heather and Eva standing by a pair of duffel bags, Eva by a yellow one on the left and Heather by a green one on the right. Eva bent down and opened hers up, then pulled out the supplies inside. "Rope, climbing gear, and some kinda night-vision goggles," she grunted. "Not bad," she said with a slight smirk, putting the items back in the bag and picking it up.

"Hmph," Heather sniffed as she began to unpack her own bag. "Let's see...," she said confidently before looking inside the bag and gasping in disgust. " _Kitty litter_?!" she exclaimed in outrage, standing up with a bag of litter, a few sauce packets, and a CD case with the image of a few former contestants on the front. " _Soy sauce_?! And a _Drama Five_ CD? Is this some kind of _joke_?!"

"One bag _might_ be more helpful than the other," Chris said before the shot cut back to the feed of him on the monitor. "Now, if you look around, you'll see a bunch of tunnels," he explained, the camera panning across a series of tunnel openings in the rock. "They all lead to a single exit on the surface where the finish line awaits. _But_ , some will get you there safer or faster than others. First _team_ across the finish line, wins."

"One more thing," he said as the shot cut back to Team Kinosewak, Heather grumpily rejoining her teammates. "According to Cree legend, no one who's come in to this cave has _ever_ come out!" The camera panned to Team Maskwak in the middle of Eva handing out their goggles; Mike and Sky gasped in shock and Brick yelped, fumbling his goggles and dropping them on the ground. "But hey," Chris said with a smug smile as the shot cut back to the monitor, "I thought the _fall_ would kill you, so, congrats on surviving that. Your challenge starts-" the camera filming him panned to the airhorn in his hand, "NOW!" An ominous chanted note played as he blew the horn, causing the cave to rumble and rocks to fall...

"So," Sky said, the shot cutting to one of the tunnel entrances before pulling back to show her standing a ways away from it, "it's all about choosing the right tunnel fastest!"

"Well, the sooner we make a decision the better," Mike said, looking up and around as the camera panned to the rest of Team Maskwak. "This place doesn't exactly seem safe."

Brick gulped. "So then...we're gonna have to head into one of those dark, mysterious tunnels, huh?"

"Big deal," Eva said. "We got the goggles, don't we?"

"R-right," Brick said, taking a deep breath and bending over and picking up the goggles he'd dropped.

The cracked lenses fell to pieces, and he shrieked in terror. An ominous tune played as the cave shook again, the shot cutting outward to show all eight campers tensed up.

"IT'S A CAVE-IN!" Owen screamed, gripping his hair in panic, and the music became even more dramatic as the shaking continued and rocks began to fall.

"Yeah, it is now," Leshawna said sharply before a rock falling next to her caused her to scream and start running. The rest of her team did the same, and their opponents followed suit.

The shot cut to the tunnels on the left as Sky and Eva ran up to it. "Guys, over here!" she called back over her shoulder, pointing at one of the tunnels before running into it with Eva as rocks fell around them. Mike and Brick arrived moments later, but stopped and gasped as several large boulders fell and blocked the path the girls had taken.

"Oh no," Brick groaned, "th-this isn't good!"

"We'll just have to try and meet up with them later," Mike said, grabbing Brick's wrist and looking around. "This way!" he said, dragging his teammate into the next tunnel on the right.

The camera panned further to the right to show Duncan frantically sidestepping away from a larger rock as Owen continued to panic and cry. "We're all gonna _die_!" Owen cried as rocks fell around him.

"Dude, get a hold of yourself!" Duncan said sharply, grabbing his teammate by the shoulders and shaking him. "We gotta move, like, now!"

"But where?!" Owen asked.

"Anywhere that isn't here, now _move_!" Duncan ordered before running off into a tunnel on the left with his hands covering his head and Owen right behind him.

A few larger boulders came crashing down and kicked up a large cloud of dust, the camera panning to the side to show Heather and Leshawna standing by the right wall. "Owen! Duncan! Get over here so we can stick together!" Heather called out irritably.

"There's no time!" Leshawana holllered, grabbing her by the arm. "They're just gonna have to take care of themselves!" she said, dragging Heather into the nearest tunnel. Moments later a few more boulders fell down and blocked the entrance, and the scene faded to black...

/

Leshawna coughed as a very dim light returned to the scene, the Salmons' logo appearing on-screen as she stood up. "That was close," she remarked. "Heather, you still there?" she asked, squinting as she looked around the dark.

" _Yes_ ," Heather said sharply, the camera panning down to show her lying on the ground at Leshawna's feet. "How do we get out of here, anyway?" she asked, propping herself up on one arm in close-up and looking around.

"Beats me," Leshawna said, the shot panning back up to her. "I can't see in the dark any better than you can."

"Uggh, couldn't you have picked a cave with a little _light_?" Heather asked irritably as she stood up and dusted herself off.

Leshawna scowled in her direction. "Uhh, they all looked the _same_ ," she said. "And would it kill you to show a little _gratitude_ for savin' your butt back there? Light or no light, if I hadn't dragged your scrawny behind in with me you'd be buried!"

Heather just sniffed. "I would've gotten out of there on my own _eventually_ ," she said haughtily. "But fine. Thank you for saving me. Happy?"

"No," Leshawna said bluntly, her hands on her hips, "but it'll do. Now come on, we gotta find a way outta here." She reached her hands out and found the wall, then began to walk along it.

"Umm, don't you think we should go find the boys _first_?" Heather interjected as she followed along behind her.

"Not really," Leshawna answered in close-up. "We don't know where anything _is_ down here, and I don't wanna waste time lookin' for anything other than the exit. Especially cause you _know_ Team Maskwak is gonna do the same thing. The boys can handle themselves just fine."

"If you say so...," Heather said with fake uncertainty, a close-up showing the devilish smile on her face.

xxx

"You know what? I'm actually _fine_ with Leshawna's plan," Heather confessed with a smile. "That way, if the boys get lost or whatever and we lose, I can say that _I_ wanted to find them but Leshawna didn't. Then they'll vote her off, and _I'll_ be in control!" she finished excitedly.

xxx

"You alright, Sky?" Eva asked gruffly as the scene moved to complete darkness, the music becoming low and tense.

"Yeah, I think so," Sky answered. "Hold on, I'll turn on my night-vision goggles," she said. Something clicked, and a band of green static flashed across the screen before the scene faded back into green-tinted view with an electronic hum. The viewpoint was Sky's as she looked at Eva, the iron woman wearing her own pair of the unusual three-lensed goggles. "Yeah, that's better."

"Good," Eva said, the camera moving to the girls' side as the colors returned to normal.

"So, where are the guys?" Sky asked, looking around.

"I think they didn't make it," Eva answered awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head. "Uh, I mean that we're alone, not that they're dead," she quickly clarified.

"Yeah, I figured," Sky said. "I'm kinda worried about Brick, he was pretty freaked out. Do you think he'll be fine?"

"I don't know...maybe?" Eva answered. "He's tough, even if he _is_ afraid of the dark. Plus, Mike's probably with him or something."

"True," Sky conceded, a thoughtful finger on her chin. "Plus they _did_ both have night-vision goggles. I guess there's not much else we can do besides keep an eye out for them and hope they can get through this."

"Yeah," Eva said, walking forward to the right. "Now let's get moving, I think there's an exit over here." She waved for Sky to follow, and the girls soon walked off-screen.

xxx

"Of all the people to be trapped in a cave with," Sky confessed, "I'm glad it's Eva. Not that I don't _like_ the others or anything," she clarified, "it's just that I think Eva really _gets_ me, y'know? We're both athletic, we're both competitive, we just have a lot in common and I can really appreciate that."

xxx

A trio of deep notes played as the scene moved back to total darkness, only a terrified pair of eyes visible as their owner walked across the screen.

"M-Mike? A-a-are you still there?" Brick stammered, looking around nervously. "My goggles don't work!"

"Yeah, I'm here," Mike answered, the camera following Brick's gaze as it snapped back to the left onto the green lenses of a pair of night-vision goggles. "And...you can have mine if you like," he offered, taking a few steps towards his teammate. "I think you need them more than I do."

"M-much obliged," Brick said, watching as Mike removed his goggles.

Then the sound of a rock clattering echoed through the cave, and Brick stiffened in fear. "Who's there?" he asked.

"Brick?" came the voice of Duncan, the camera pulling back to show his eyes walking over to Brick's and Mike's.

" _Duncan_?!" Mike asked in shock, his eyes widening.

"Mike?" Owen asked as he walked over next to Duncan.

"Owen?" Brick asked in fear and confusion.

"Brick?" Owen replied.

"Owen?" Mike said.

"Mike?" Duncan asked.

"Duncan?" Owen asked, looking towards his teammate as Mike's brow fell.

"Owen?" Brick asked.

"Brick...," Mike said levelly towards his teammate.

"Mike?" Owen asked.

"Owen!" Duncan hissed.

"Duncan?" Owen replied.

"Duncan?" Brick repeated.

"Brick!" Owen said enthusiastically.

Mike clenched his eyes shut in frustration before opening them up, losing focus, and gasping. Then one eye drooped in annoyance while the other clenched shut. "Would you kids quit yer yammering?" Chester barked. "We already _know_ we're all here!"

Then a series of bright overhead lights suddenly switched on, forcing all four boys to clench their eyes shut and holler in pain.

A few deep notes played, and Chris' laughter filled the air. "Oh man, I'm _so_ glad I installed lights in there," he said as the boys blearily opened their eyes and looked around, the camera panning up to show a large monitor on the wall above them. "Even better, looks like there's people from both teams, which is sure to make this _extra_ fun."

"Aaaaand, I'm out," Chester said, the camera cutting back to him. "Whatever ' _fun_ ' yer sellin', I'm not buyin'." A sharp inhalation and unfocused look later and Mike had returned. "Uhh...what's going on?" he asked, looking around at the others in confusion before noticing the monitor.

"Don't worry, I was just getting to that," Chris explained as he looked down at the boys. "Now, if you'll look behind you, you'll see the only way out of here." The camera focused back on the boys as they turned around, then cut to another tunnel entrance. "Located across a ravine filled with dozens of pillar-like stalagmites," he added as the camera pulled back to reveal the wide gap between the tunnel entrance and where the boys stood, countless flat-topped stalagmites jutting up through it. "To reach the other side you must jump from stalagmite to stalagmite, but _be careful_ ," he explained, the shot cutting back to the monitor as he nodded solemnly. "Some of the stalagmites are _unstable_ , and will collapse at the _slightest touch_."

"Umm, maybe I'll just try _another_ way through the cave," Owen said nervously as the shot cut back to him. A few tense notes played as he was shown walking back to the right, only to suddenly gasp in shock as the room shook. The camera panned over to an opening in the right wall as rocks began to fall, quickly ceiling the exit.

"Yeah, no you're not," Chris said from off-screen as the shot cut to the boys exchanging a wary look. "And don't think I forgot about _Maskwak_ ' _s_ way in, either," he added, prompting the four to look to the left – the camera cut to another tunnel being blocked by falling rocks.

Brick and Owen gasped as the shot cut back to the boys once more. "Aww come on dude, seriously?" Duncan complained.

The viewpoint shifted around to their side as Mike turned and approached the edge of the ravine. "Well, uh, I guess we're stuck doing this then."

Brick took a deep breath, then marched over as well. "No need to be afraid, men," he announced. "Though we may be on different teams, if we work together we'll get through this no problem."

"I'm glad you feel that way," Chris said, the shot cutting to his smug smile on the monitor. "Now if I were you, I'd memorize where those stalagmites are _quickly_." Duncan and Owen were shown sharing a confused look then turning their heads toward the ravine. "Cause you'll be doing this," Chris pressed a button on his remote that shut the lights off in the cavern, leaving only a dim view of the area on-screen, "in the _dark_." He laughed, and the monitor switched off.

"Oh no," Brick moaned, trembling in fear. "Why's it have to be dark again?"

"Yeah, it bites," Duncan said as he and Owen walked over, "but what's the big deal? It was gonna bite anyway."

"Brick's afraid of the dark," Mike explained.

"I am not!" Brick objected.

"It's okay," Mike told him, "I'm not judging you for it. We all have our issues, there's no shame in that."

"Yeah!" Owen chimed in. "We don't think any less of you for being afraid!" Duncan promptly snorted, earning a sharp gaze from Owen and Mike. " _Duncan_!" his teammate scolded.

"What?" Duncan replied with a helpless shrug. "Being afraid of the dark is _totally_ weak!"

"W-well then it's a good thing I'm _not_ afraid of the dark," Brick said, puffing himself up, "because I'm _not_ weak and I _will_ do this!"

He blindly took a step to the right, and the music spiked as he screamed and dropped away.

A pause symbol appeared on-screen as the footage stopped.

/

"Oh man, is it getting _good_!" Chris gushed, the camera pulling back to show him watching the feed on a widescreen TV cart from the comfort of a deck chair. The capstone theme began to play, and he turned his usual smile to the camera. "Stay tuned to find out who falls down and who climbs out on top, here on Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with a scream and a sharp musical spike as Brick fell into the ravine, only to be abruptly be caught. He looked up in confusion to see Mike crouching down at the edge of the cliff and holding onto his arm. "Don't worry," Mike called down with a strained voice, "I got you!"

A close-up of his feet showed them sliding towards the edge of the stone. "But who's got you?" Brick asked nervously before the music spiked again and Mike fell forward.

"Whoa!" Duncan shouted, pouncing onto Mike's legs...only for the music to spike yet again as he began to slide forward.

"Aah!" Owen screamed, quickly reaching forward and grabbing Duncan by the ankles. "Hang on guys," he grunted as the shot pulled back to show him at the edge of the ravine holding onto Duncan holding onto Mike holding onto Brick. "I'll pull you up!" He grunted again and the music became slow and tense as he backed up, Duncan soon sliding back up onto solid ground with Mike and Brick following shortly. "There you go," Owen said, dropping Duncan once all the boys were safe, "nice and easy..."

"Phew! That was _close_..." Mike said, wiping the sweat from his brow as he and Duncan stood back up.

"I'll say," Duncan said, brushing some dust from his sleeve.

A whimper caught their attention, and the camera panned down to show Brick still lying on the ground. "This was all my fault," he said.

Duncan sighed in annoyance. "Dude, no it wasn't," he said, walking over and helping the cadet up. "It was _mine_ for taunting you like that. I'm," he looked away and awkwardly rubbed the back of his head, "I'm sorry for making fun of you for being afraid, okay?"

"A-alright, apology accepted," Brick replied before nervously looking back over his shoulder, gulping, and grabbing onto Duncan's arms. "But I really don't think we can get out of here!"

The shot cut to Duncan's close-up as he smirked. "Relax, I got an idea."

"You do?" Owen asked as the camera jumped back outward.

"Yup," Duncan nodded. "Mike, you have goggles, right?"

"Oh, uh, yeah," Mike replied as the focus moved to him crouching down and feeling the ground around him, "they should be around here somewhere."

"Well once you find 'em, give 'em to Brick so he can see the ravine," the punk explained. "Then cross it yourself, and Brick can tell us the safe path."

"Wait, you want _me_ to cross first?!" Mike asked in shock, the shot cutting to him lifting his head as he picked up the night-vision goggles.

"Well it's not like _Brick_ can do it," Duncan replied, putting an arm around the bewildered cadet's shoulders. "And I'm not about to risk the lives of me or my teammate."

Mike's face fell. "Gee, thanks," he said dryly, clutching the goggles and walking forward. "I'll do it, just let me get a quick glimpse of _it_ first," he told Duncan, briefly locking eyes before looking through the goggles at the field of stalagmites. He took a deep breath, then handed the goggles to Brick. "Alright, now just gimme a moment..."

The camera panned off of him to show Owen walking up to Duncan and Brick. "Hey, don't you think making Mike do this is a little cruel?" he whispered.

"Okay, you can do this," Mike told himself as the scene returned to him clenching his fists and eyes. "It's no big deal, it's just a series of jumps between a bunch of possibly unstable platforms you can barely see. You got this." He took a few deep breaths, then moaned "Oh no..."

The shot cut back to the other boys as a sharp inhalation came from off-screen, followed by an elated declaration of "Time for _Svetlana_! Hah!" Owen, Duncan, and Brick promptly looked to the right, Duncan smirking and Brick hastily putting his goggles on to watch.

"Nah, I figured _Svetlana_ would be fine," Duncan told Owen, receiving a stern yet unnoticed look in return.

/

A flash took the scene to the girl of Team Kinosewak as Leshawna suddenly stopped, held an arm out for Heather to do the same, and squinted. "Hold on, I think I see light!"

"It must be the way out," Heather said with growing excitement. "Come on!" She ran on ahead to the right, Leshawna following suit, and the camera quick-panned ahead to them arriving in another more open cave filled with large mushrooms that emitted a bright yet pale blue light.

"Eww, mushrooms?" Heather said in disgust as she and Leshawna looked around the room.

"Man, some exit this turned out to be," Leshawna grumbled.

The buzz of static caught their attention, and the camera panned up to a monitor mounted on the wall as the girls looked up at it. "To be fair, you _are_ pretty close," Chris said over the live feed with a smug smile. " _Possibly_ ," he added with a thoughtful and uncertain look to the side. "Anywho," he resumed his usual grin, "somewhere in this cave is the _key_ to finding the exit. All _you two_ have to do is find it," he said with a cheesy grin.

"Uh- _huh_ ," Leshawna said skeptically as the view changed to the two girls' scowling faces. "Just a little search, is that it?"

"Sounds pretty _simple_ ," Heather added. "What's the catch?"

"The _catch_ ," Chris said eagerly as the shot cut back to the live feed, "is a _crocodile_."

The music spiked and the girls gasped as they looked to the side, the camera cutting to a panel sliding open in the rock wall and a large, green, and angry-looking crocodile walking out of it. "It wants to _eat_ you," Chris explained. "So if I were you, I'd start looking before it gets the chance."

The crocodile advanced with a snarl and snap of the jaws, forcing Heather and Leshawna to scream and run away as Chris laughed.

/

A reverent tune began to play as the scene flashed to Eva and Sky walking into a cave bathed in a soft red light. "Whoa...," Sky said in awe as both girls gaped and looked around, and the camera pulled back to reveal the numerous red crystals jutting out of the rock around them – and the monitor mounted on the back wall.

It turned on from static to the live feed of Chris, and the reverent music stopped. "Welcome to the _gem cave_ ," he greeted. "This ruby ravine is home to a bear. But not just _any_ bear," he said in a mischievous tone, "the _Bling Bear_!" he announced in a deep, dramatic, and creepy voice as the background music boomed. He laughed darkly, hunched over with his hands stretched out like claws.

Eva and Sky shared a disbelieving look. " _Bling_ Bear?" Sky repeated hesitantly.

"Trust me," Chris said as the shot moved back to him, "you _don't_ wanna make him mad. Just walk through here without stealing a gem, and you'll be okay!"

"What, you mean _these_?" Eva asked, the shot zooming in as she wrapped her hand around one of the crystals. "Pfft, whatever. Like we'd even want 'em..."

She absentmindedly tugged at the ruby she was touching, and it broke off. The camera cut outward to show her and Sky staring at it with wide eyes, and the music turned tense. "...oops," she said softly before a roar echoed through the cavern.

"Aaaand, you fail," Chris pointed out with a delighted smile. " _Wow._ That was fast."

The cavern shook, and something burst through the rock off-screen and to the left catching Eva and Sky's attention. A dramatic riff played as the camera zoomed out, revealing a familiar-looking bear wearing scuba gear, gold chains, and gold teeth standing menacingly in a hole in the wall behind them.

xxx

"Seriously?!" Eva asked the outhouse camera in outrage. "What is _wrong_ with me, I totally _blew it_ at like the easiest thing ever!" She sighed in disgust and covered her eyes. "And right in front of Sky, too. She's totally gonna _hate_ me now!"

xxx

Another dramatic riff played as Bling Bear roared and advanced on Sky, who yelped in fear. The bear raised its paw to swipe...

"Stay away from her!" Eva shouted, darting in front of Sky and holding out her hands to catch the bear's arm as it swung down.

The shot zoomed in on Sky as she stared at Eva with a stunned look on her face, then hastily covered her mouth as her cheeks suddenly bulged.

She belched moments later, the camera jumping backward and the music cutting out as Bling Bear and Eva stared at her in shock. Sky stared back awkwardly for a moment, then grabbed Eva by the wrist. "Run!" she commanded, running off to the right forcing Eva to follow along with her.

Bling Bear blinked in confusion, then roared and chased after them.

xxx

"Huh..." Sky said, her brow furrowed and a finger on her lip. "I guess that bear made me more nervous than I realized..."

xxx

"Alright dude, one more jump!" Duncan told Owen as the scene moved to him and Svetlana standing on the far end of the ravine, Owen balanced precariously on a stalagmite right in front of it.

Owen took a deep breath. "Right, I can _do_ this...," he told himself, the camera zooming in slightly as he closed his eyes. "Just like the other ones, I just gotta..." He grunted and jumped, a victorious tune playing as he landed with a thud and the shot pulled back to show him on the other side. "Hey, I made it!"

"Nice job, dude," Duncan said, slapping him on the arm.

Svetlana yawned and looked to the side in boredom. "Yes yes, you made the easy jumpings with your terrible form and lack of spirit. _So_ impressive."

The shot panned to Duncan as he rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he said before taking a step to the left and cupping a hand around his mouth, "Alright Brick, your turn!" The camera quick-panned across the ravine to show Brick standing on the other side, the night-vision goggles still on. "You know the path, so this should be easy!"

Brick gulped. "Right. Easy," he told himself before taking a deep breath. "Alright cadet, the only way out is ahead of you. You can't let your teammates down on this," he crouched slightly, "so show some courage and _jump_!" On his mark he jumped, a short but triumphant riff playing as he landed on the first stalagmite. He windmilled his arms to try and get his balance, then grinned excitedly when he stabilized.

The camera panned back to the three on the other side. "Woo hoo!" Owen cheered. "Yeah!"

"Haha, just like I told you!" Duncan chimed in. "You got this, dude!"

"Hmph," Svetlana sniffed, crossing her arms. "Yes, he does. But Svetlana finds it _suspicious_ that you two would cheer for him. We are your _enemies_!"

"So?" Duncan looked back and scoffed. "I ain't gonna leave the guy to _die_ like that."

"Ah, Svetlana _sees_ ," the gymnast said with a knowing nod. "Despite being enemies, you care for him _deeply_."

A flat note played as Duncan recoiled in shock from that remark. "Hey now, I'm no touchy-feely type, got that?" he quickly replied. "I just, y'know, figure helping him out is good idea."

Svetlana pursed her lips skeptically. "Svetlana does not think you are being with the truth."

"Yeah, well, I really don't care," Duncan replied harshly. "Svetlana can go away if she doesn't like what I gotta say."

She huffed in outrage. "I see. Well then, if Svetlana is not _wanted_ , then do not expect to see Svetlana again!" As Duncan and Owen watched in shock she crossed her arms and turned away, and a sharp inhale signalled a shift. "Uh...what's going on?" Mike asked in confusion, as he scratched his head, then turned back around. "Anybody here?" he asked into the darkness.

"Uh-huh," Owen answered. "We're just waiting on Brick."

The shot cut to Mike's close-up as he blinked, then sagged in disappointment. "Oh...I guess Svetlana got me across then, huh?"

"Yeah, so?" Duncan asked.

"It's just that I kinda wanted to give it a try myself, y'know?" Mike answered, rubbing the back of his neck.

A thud caught the boys attention, and the camera followed their gaze back to the left. "Uh, not to interrupt," Brick said from atop the final stalagmite, "but I'm almost there."

"Oh, right," Duncan said. "Just jump and I'll try to catch you." Mike and Owen were shown sharing a perplexed look, then the shot cut to Brick smiling.

"Got it," he said. "Jumping in 3! 2! 1!" The shot pulled back as he jumped, Duncan sticking out his arms to catch him...causing both boys to topple to the ground.

A flat note played as the shot cut to a close-up of Duncan lying on his back with Brick on top of him. "Dude, get off me!" he hissed, a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Right! Sorry about that," Brick said bashfully as he quickly stood back up, "I guess I put a little too much force into it."

"Whatever, dude, let's just get going," Duncan said as he stood up as well and dusted himself off.

/

The music became tense as the scene moved back to Heather and Leshawna, the latter searching the walls of the mushroom-filled cave while Heather backed away nervously from the crocodile that had been set loose on them.

"Hurry up and find something, will you?" Heather looked back and hissed at her teammate.

"I'm _tryin_ '!" Leshawna replied. "Ain't my fault there's nothing-" as she felt along the wall her gaze moved upward, and she abruptly paused. "Wait, I see a passage!" she said. "It's above us!" she added with a point directly up, the camera following it to show a small hole in the cave wall. "Gimme a boost and I'll pull you up," she told Heather.

"Ugh, fine," Heather replied irritably, quickly stepping over to the wall and crouching down slightly. "Just do it _quickly_ so I don't have to support your booty for very long."

Leshawna scowled at her, but at the sound of the crocodile's growling she hastily climbed up onto Heather's back. The camera pulled back to show her reaching out for the edge of the tunnel just as the crocodile walked onto the screen from the left, and Heather's eyes went wide with panic. "It's getting _closer_!" she said in terror, standing up straight. Leshawna's feet disappeared from her shoulders, and just as she began to scream a pair of black-skinned arms reached down and yanked her up.

The shot cut to the raised tunnel to show Leshawna and Heather sitting in it, safe and sound. "Phew," Heather said, wiping the sweat from her brow. "Thanks for not ditching me," she told Leshawna with a smile.

"Please," Leshawna scoffed, "I couldn't just leave you there!" Her smile faded into a stern look. "We need _all_ of us to cross the finish line or we don't win, remember?"

"Right...," Heather said with a nervous smile. "Let's just get going, shall we?" she said, crawling past Leshawna and into the tunnel.

/

A roar filled the air as the scene flashed back to Sky and Eva, the two girls now running through some other dark cavern while tense music played in the background. After a few seconds they skidded to a stop at the edge of a pool of water, and shared a look. "Do you think we're supposed to swim?" Sky asked.

"Good question," Eva replied. "Who _knows_ what that _dumb_ host wants us to do..."

Another roar caught their attention, and the camera panned to the left as Bling Bear ran at them on its hind legs. The girls yelped as he got close and jumped into the water, but the bear stopped at the edge. It sniffed the air, then waved its paw and grunted in repulsion before walking away.

"He's not following us?" Sky asked in confusion as the shot cut to her and Eva floating in the water. "Weird...he had a snorkel and everything!"

"Maybe he didn't wanna lose his bling," Eva said. "Or see how ridiculous it looks on him."

Sky laughed lightly. "Funny. Though you might have a point."

Eva smiled briefly, then looked around and smelled the air. "Then again, maybe he left because this place _reeks_."

"Yeah," Sky frowned and looked from side to side, "it _does_ stink in here doesn't it? Well...we should probably keep moving now that we're safe."

"Right," Eva grunted, looking back to the right. "I think there's a stream over there," she said with a point, the camera pulling back to show water floating out of an opening in the cave wall. "Maybe it leads to the surface?"

"Good find!" Sky said with an eager smile. "C'mon, let's follow it out," she added as she began to swim towards it, the camera lingering on Eva as she smiled, then swam after.

/

The music rose up grand but tense as the footage flashed ahead to light pouring down into a narrow cave shaft through a round hole. "Grr, I keep slipping on this stupid _mud_!" Eva growled angrily from off-screen.

"Just keep moving," Sky told her. "I see daylight!"

Eva climbed into view on the slope at the bottom of the screen, pausing just under the hole. "You're right!" Eva said, looking up through the hole with a smile as Sky climbed up next to her. "We made it!"

The scene immediately flashed to the outhouse as the door swung open and Eva and Sky ran out of it, covered in filth and screaming in horror.

The shot cut to them pausing to catch their breath, and they shared a wide-eyed look. "The _toilet_?!" Sky asked in disbelief. "We came out the _toilet_?!"

"Wait a minute," Eva grunted in growing anger, "the water and the mud, they were..." She and Sky looked at each other, then shuddered in disgust.

"Eww...," Sky moaned.

"Chris is a _dead man_ for making us crawl through that!" Eva growled, punching her open palm.

/

The music became tense again as the scene moved back to Leshawna and Heather crawling along through a tight but level tunnel.

"Are you _sure_ this is the right direction?" Heather asked in annoyance. "I don't think we're headed _up_ anymore!"

"It's the only direction we _got_ , so chill out!" Leshawna replied testily. "It's gotta lead us _somewhere_..."

Heather huffed. "Fine. Sorry," she said, looking back and rolling her eyes. "I'm just totally _done_ with this-" She promptly bumped into Leshawna, and looked back forward with shock and annoyance. "Umm, what's going on? Why did you stop?"

"Cause I found the end of the tunnel," Leshawna said, the camera panning over to show her looking shocked at a metal grate that blocked the way

The shot cut to the other side of the grate as it was forcefully knocked off from inside, Leshawna and Heather squeezing into the square opening in time to spot the grate falling. After a few moments it landed with a metallic clang that made both girls wince in surprise; they shared a glance, then looked around.

"Where _are_ we?" Heather asked, squeezing an arm out to feel around. "The walls are made of metal."

Leshawna looked up, and gaped. "Whoa, check it," she said, squeezing an arm out as well and pointing up. Dramatic music rose up as the camera pulled back, showing them peering out from the wall of a rectangular shaft, light trickling down from above...and a thick cable running down through the center of it. "I think this is an elevator shaft!"

"An _elevator shaft_?!" Heather asked in disbelief as the camera cut back in. "What would one of _those_ be doing out _here_?"

"I don't know," Leshawna said as her eyes locked forward, "but this is our ticket _out_." Heather gasped and ducked back into the tunnel and Leshawna began to ready herself like a cat to pounce. A tense chord was struck in the music as she jumped forward, and the camera shifted to another side of the shaft to show her catching the cable. She steadied herself and began to climb, pausing as Heather stuck her head out of the tunnel to gape in shock. "Well come on then, get climbin'!" Leshawna called down to her.

/

A deep and dramatic note played as the scene flashed to a cave entrance on the surface, a string of red and yellow flags strung low across the exit. The camera zoomed in as it panned to the right, showing Chris sitting in his lawn chair in front of his TV. It showed nothing but static, even as he frantically changed channels with his remote, and after a few moments he simply turned it off entirely. "Yup," he declared, "I've lost the kids." He looked to the right as Chef walked up behind him. "Better grab our getaway bags and fake passports, 'Hector'!" Chef's eyes darted shiftily from side to side.

Just then the sound of footsteps and heavy breathing caught their attention, and the camera panned back to the left to show Brick and Duncan racing out of the cave and snapping the finish line at the same time, Mike and Owen following right behind them.

"I win!" the cadet declared triumphantly as they paused to catch their breaths.

"No way dude," Duncan panted, "I did."

" _Nobody_ won yet," Chris told them sternly as he walked over. "You need your whole team, _remember_?" He paused, then stared at them blankly as he rubbed his chin. "Huh. I thought you guys would've had _way_ more broken bones."

"Really? Why's that?" Mike asked in confusion after sharing a look with Owen.

"Yeah, after we crossed that first room it was basically a straight shot here," Duncan added.

"You weren't supposed to _cross_ that room," Chris told them in annoyance, "you were supposed argue with each other and fall down, forcing you to go through several other rooms just to get back up!"

"Well then," Brick said proudly, "I guess we did better than expected!"

"Not really," Chris said sullenly.

"Well for what it's worth," came the voice of Sky, drawing the boys' attention to the right as she and Eva walked up still covered in filth, "I think we did _worse_." Chef covered his nose as they passed him and backed away.

The shot cut back to Chris as his eyes widened in shock. "Whoa, where did _you two_ come from?" He sniffed the air, then grabbed his nose and recoiled in disgust. "And what's that _stench_?!"

"What do you _think_?" Eva growled as Chef stepped back with a gas mask over his mouth. "We came up out of the _outhouse_!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Well, at least that means we win," Mike said optimistically, sharing a look and a smile with Brick.

"No it doesn't!" Chris objected.

"So what," Heather asked, the shot cutting to her walking over with Leshawna, " _we_ do?"

Leshawna snorted. "Looks like takin' that elevator shaft wasn't such a bad idea after all."

" _Elevator shaft_?!" Chris repeated in outraged disbelief. He sighed and palmed his face as the four boys stepped closer, then glared at all eight campers. "Look, _none of you_ won. I said the first team to cross the _finish line_ ," the shot cut outward as he motioned vaguely towards the cave, "and only _half_ of you did! You skipped _dozens_ of awesome challenges. We don't even have enough for an episode! You're _all_ disqualified," he crossed his arms defiantly, "this whole _episode_ is a _bust_!"

The campers looked at one another...then cheered. "No elimination!" Sky exclaimed excitedly.

"Oh, no-no-no-no- _no_!" Chris replied. "There _will be_ an elimination," he told them with a devious smirk and laugh.

/

The scene faded to black, then to the elimination area with a few deep beat of a drum. All eight players were gathered there: Waneyihtam Maskwak on the left with Eva and Mike behind Sky and Brick; Pimâpotew Kinosewak on the right with Heather and Owen behind Leshawna and Duncan.

"As you can see," Chris told them, "I had a _special_ reward planned." He motioned to the right and a catchy jingle began to play as the camera quick-panned over to Chef standing by a buffet table loaded with meats of all sorts, and a few fruits and vegetables on the side. "Darwin's All-You-Can-Eat Food Safari!" the host said in an imitation old-timey upper-class English accent.

"Sweet Lion of the _North_ , that's the best spread I've seen in _weeks_!" Owen exclaimed as the shot cut back to him, the sound of a blowhorn cutting him off before he could continue.

"Tonight's elimination will be," Chris said sternly before putting on an impish smile, "this _dinner_! Chef?"

"On it," Chef said, the shot cutting to him cackling with glee as he poured gasoline onto the buffet table. He tossed away tank once it was empty, then lit a match and flicked it casually onto the feast.

It exploded into a short-lived fireball that left the food, the table, and Chef all scorched. Chef smiled, and the campers groaned.

"Now," Chris said as the focus moved back to him, "I have a serious matter to discuss. It's become obvious that the teams as they are right now are waaaaaay too friendly." The shot cut to Sky and Eva glancing at one another. "And while watching you anguish over having to vote out a friend is _nice_ ," the shot cut next to show Owen and Duncan, "I'd still prefer a little bit more _in-fighting_." Brick and Mike looked at one another next, both boys raising a brow in confusion.

"So, to make spice things up a bit," Chris said with a smile as the camera cut back to him, "I've decided to switch things around."

xxx

"This...isn't good," Mike nervously told the outhouse camera. "I _like_ my teammates. I hope me trying to be friends with everyone and not stir the pot wasn't what caused this..."

xxx

Heather opened the next confessional with a haughty sniff. "No complaints here. People need to stop being _chummy_ with each other and start playing the game."

xxx

"So without further ado," Chris said with an impish smile as the tensest part of the usual elimination music played, "the person I'm sending to another team is... _Owen_!"

The shot cut to all four members of Team Kinosewak gasping in shock, with Owen being the loudest.

"What?! This isn't _fair_!" Owen exclaimed, standing up in panic.

" _Dude_..." Duncan muttered, looking at Owen with wide eyes.

xxx

"I don't get it, why me?" Owen asked the outhouse camera. "I'm friends with everyone on my team!"

He paused, and his face fell in realization. "Oh..." he said through pursed lips.

xxx

"Ah jeez, now I'm stuck _alone_ with a couplea girls who _hate_ each other," Duncan groaned, his hand on his forehead. "This bites!"

xxx

"Owen," Chris said decisively, "join Team Maskwak."

The shot cut to Owen as he started crying. "I'll miss you guys!" he bawled, suddenly pulling all three of his now-former teammates into a hug that startled them all. He let them go after a second, then trudged over to the left.

"Oh, and just so the teams aren't lopsided," Chris added mischievously. "Hmm...," he rubbed his chin in thought, " _Sky_! You're now on Team Kinosewak."

Sky and Eva were shown reacting with shock as the elimination peaked. "Wow...," Sky said, looking down sadly. "I...guess I gotta go," she told Eva.

"Yeah...," Eva replied, her face drooping in disappointment. "I guess you do..."

Owen walked between them, and hesitantly looked at Sky. "I'm really sorry about this..."

"No no, it's okay," Sky said with a polite wave, standing up from her seat and walking away. A few touching notes played as the camera zoomed in on Eva, and she hung her head sadly.

xxx

Eva opened her confessional with a sigh, her elbows on her knees and her head resting forlornly in her hands. "It's probably for the better," she said. "I never had a shot with her anyway. I bet she won't even miss me..."

xxx

"I _already_ miss them," Sky told the outhouse camera, "Eva especially. It's gonna be hard having to compete against her...," she looked down at the hands folded in her lap, "but I have to stay strong for _all_ of our sakes."

xxx

"So," Chris said, the capstone theme beginning as the camera panned across the rebuilt teams with Owen and Sky having swapped seats, "we had eight, and eight remain. But," the shot cut to his close-up, "I promise we'll feed that cannon some human next time. Here, on Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

Not a whole lot to say since there wasn't an elimination this time. For the challenge, I knew I wanted to change things up since there was meant to be a whole lot of mini-challenges down in that cave, which means the only room I kept the same was the Bling Bear room (and the outhouse exit from it) simply because...well, it was Bling Bear; he's gotta be introduced.

As for the pairs...well, they were fairly obvious. Heather and Leshawna basically as comic relief; Eva and Sky to further their subplot; and the boys all together for...well, a lot of reasons. I do regret not making Mike more nervous around Duncan, though, considering their earlier conversation. But, well, there was already a lot going on this time to begin with...

The swap was a difficult thing to figure out, since there's not really any obvious pair of couples for Chris to break up. So instead I decided to have him swap the people that were basically the pillars of their respective teams - Owen, the only one who everyone on Kinosewak basically liked; and Sky, Maskwak's _de facto_ leader and the one most able to keep them all on track. Now that they're on opposite teams, expect dynamics to shift...

Not much else to say. Things are gonna get difficult and painful from here on out, as these beloved characters get picked off one by one...but hey, it's called Total Drama for a reason.

I hope you all look forward to the second half of the series.

Until then, enjoy yourselves.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)


	8. Chapter 8 - Three Zones and a Baby

**Author's Note**

And now we arrive at the second half of the season, starting off with the final pre-merge episode. It's safe to say things are only going to get more dramatic from here on out, and I'm not saying that lightly. I hope you're all prepared.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Well, I don't think anybody was expecting it.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Thanks, I'm glad you liked the chapter.

 **Animation Adventures:** Hah, I don't think anyone did - swapping the two team 'pillars' isn't really an obvious thing to do, especially since canon's approach was just to split up two 'couples'. I'm glad you enjoyed the Shuffled caves; there was a lot I wanted to do with the boys that I wasn't able to, but I'm happy with what I did do. Leshawna and Heather...well, there's was mostly just comic relief. And as for Sky and Eva, well, I wanted to introduce Bling Bear, and since he was linked in my mind with the outhouse exit...I ended up keeping it in despite how disgusting it was. And yeah, this week's episode is definitely...full of new stuff to look forward to, though I hesitate in calling it a riot.

 **SideshowJazz1:** :) I'm glad you're enjoying the Sky/Eva subplot, it's probably one of my favorites right now. And yeah, there's definitely a lot of stuff that's gonna get stirred up, and I hope you enjoy it.

 **P. T. Piranha:** Oh! It'll probably be awhile before you see this, but welcome back. I'm glad you liked the season premiere, and I hope you like the rest.

 **Klimmatt:** Oh, definitely. There's gonna be some interesting new dynamics in play with Sky and Owen switched, and I look forward to everyone's reactions to them. And yeah, the boys all being fairly good friends...well, it's definitely an added touch that makes a lot of things this season even better, at least in my opinion.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks! And what, exactly, happens as a result of Duncan's words to Svetlana...well, I look forward to seeing people's reactions to what I have in mind.

 **ashDanLand:** Thank you, I'm glad you found the last episode so funny. They won't always be so funny from here on out...but I hope you'll still enjoy them.

 **OMAC001:** Hmm, well...you'll just have to wait and see what happens.

 **PhantomlordJ:** Thanks; it wasn't really an obvious choice to make, but it was clearly a good one. And I'm glad the romances are progressing smoothly... Interesting prediction as always, and I do hope this week's episode isn't so plain to you.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Yeah, that aspect of the swap in canon was actually something that made the Sky-Owen swap more attractive to me. The boys working together was honestly what I wanted from the start, since it let me set up so much stuff - and it makes sense IC since they're all pretty good friend already. I'm glad you're liking Skyva, I really like them as a pairing and so I'm glad my readers like them as well, even if a large part of that is in comparison to Skave. As for Duncan...well, I'm glad you think he's in-character with his interactions with Brick. And yeah, it's gonna be hard to predict the eliminations from here on out - this is just such a fantastic cast of characters that it's hard to decide who to cut.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Yeah, the dinner elimination scene was taken from canon, as there was no reason not to include it. All the groups that ended up working together were natural choices for me - Leshawna and Heather as rivals, the guys as a group of friends despite nominally being opposed, and Sky and Eva to progress with their arc. I'm glad you enjoyed watching all of them get through the caves. And yeah, the swap was certainly a game changer - like you said, both Owen and Sky were essentially the people holding their teams together, so swapping them around is sure to have some...interesting consequences. I look forward to seeing your reaction to them.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Thank you. Brick's fear is...well, it's obvious it was gonna come up last time, so I'm glad you liked how I handled it. And I'm super happy that you're enjoying the Sky/Eva subplot. I hope you enjoy what happens next!

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Thanks! And yeah, Eva's not having the best of times...but hey, that burp from Sky...who knows? The same with Mal, in fact...only time will tell..

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Well, that's the thing with Chester - even though he's able to come out whenever Mike is feeling frustrated, that doesn't mean he's willing to stick around and deal with that source of frustration. And as for Brick and Duncan...well who knows? I hope you enjoy this week's episode.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Yeah, I loved the teams as well, but I gotta switch things up a bit - especially if it makes sense considering canon. Chris isn't just gonna let things stop at the non-elimination, after all. I'm glad you enjoyed the cave interactions, and that you're excited for what this week will bring. I hope you like it!

 **bruno14:** Hi, I'm glad you enjoyed so much of Duncan in the last episode. He doesn't always make the right decision, as shown with his rudeness to Svetlana, but there's a lot of other things to make up for it. I'm glad you're enjoying the girls too, all four of them are pretty great.

 **DSX62415:** Yup, the merge is on the horizon. Though for now, we've got an episode of Owen and Sky interacting with new teammates to look forward to. And regarding Sky, and Eva, and the finale...well, who knows what could happen? Same thing with Mal...

 **Guest:** Lol, I don't think any of my other readers would bet against you at this point.

 **Andy:** Thank you; the boys' dynamic is definitely a unique one, at least in the Shuffledverse - and I think it's almost entirely a product of them all being on this season together. It's one of the things I love about writing this series, I get to explore all the little consequences of the different casts. As for the switch...it's not got anything to do with the canon events of 'A Blast from the Past' as far as I can tell, as all that did was start the argument between Shawn and Jasmine, and then bring Amy back for like a minute in order to justify Sammy getting the boot. This swap was just taking the place of the canon swap, which switched Max and Sky. Though regardless, interesting things are bound to happen because of it...though the same is true for a lot of things.

 **link9753:** Yeah, that's what I was going for. I knew that in the absence of enough obvious 'couples' for Chris to break up, I needed something else to give him the drama he was after - and that ended up being destabilizing the two close-knit teams. Interesting predictions regarding what might happen because of the swap. And honestly, giving Mal a tell was something I wanted to set up ahead of time to make him seem less all-powerful if I decided to use him.

 **The Prime Writer:** Ehh, you really weren't very late with this to be honest, I don't think. Now, onto Mal. Personally, I don't like how he was handled at all in canon either, especially how he was defeated (though how he was brought out was also pretty terrible). But...I do want to at least give myself a chance to write him better, and less offensively. Maybe I'll succeed, maybe I won't, I don't know. As for the others...not much I can say besides the fact that you've summed them up pretty nicely, and I'm glad you've been enjoying things - especially Rodney's development. I actually hadn't noticed that I've written more legitimate vote-outs this season than in canon, but thinking back at all the shenanigans that went on I'm not too surprised. Anyway, I'm glad you're looking forward to this week's episode, and I in turn will look forward to the posting of your story when this series ends.

 **I. M. Poik:** Mm, yup, the differences were only natural I felt - I figured it would be boring if this challenge followed exactly the same as it did in canon when there were no real reasons to. And...are you just now cluing in to the fact that Eva's crushing on Sky? Because it's been pretty blatant since at least Dave's elimination.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Thanks; I don't think anybody expected that particular swap but I feel it was probably the best one for Chris - and me - to make. Same thing with the teams being split-up; I wanted to focus on the established groups, and doing so also allowed me to shake things up a bit with having the boys all work together. And hey, it looks like they were as fun to read as they were to watch, and I'm glad I went with Eva breaking something being the cause of Bling Bear's rage; it fits with the semi-unintentional 'Eva messes up around Sky' thing that's been going on. I look forward to seeing your reaction and thoughts on this week's episode.

 **Joel Connell:** First off, I'm guessing you thought your first review didn't go through or something so you tried again? Well, in truth it was just the 'review glitch' that sometimes hits this wreck of a site, preventing new reviews from showing up. Moving on, I'm glad you enjoyed the episode even with it being a non-elimination. Mike, and his interactions with others, is definitely something I've been trying to be sensitive about so I'm glad I'm doing them tastefully in your eyes. And the swap...well, Sky was certainly the more obvious choice, but without another 'couple' for Chris to break up I had to get a little creative, and thus settled on a bit of team destabilization.  
And yeah, it sure is surprising how fast this season has gone, and how Sky's the only canon PI cast member left. I think you might have a point about why Dave signed up; I've been doing sort of the same thing with Heather (and Anne Maria), where they (rightfully) assumed this new season would be similar to the old ones in how they'd be living. I could definitely see Dave not really expecting the truth of what had happened in previous seasons.  
I have checked out a bit of Unfinished Business, but only the first few chapters - I've been meaning to get back tor reviewing it, but I admittedly lost a bit of interest when I stopped several months ago. I don't know if I could really recommend anyone to help create a tropes page for it, though; that's something that I feel should pop up organically.  
As for the TD Once Again intro...well, I've given a few ideas, but I've been admittedly a bit busy and leaving it mostly to EotU so I don't know how much progress has truly been made.  
As for the job ideas...well, thanks, but neither of those really appeal to me.

 **graveexcitement:** Ah, I'm really happy you loved the Duncan/Brick moments! :) And I'm also really happy that somebody finally mentioned that gag; I had actually completely forgotten that it had been in canon season one, I just included it because I thought it'd be funny. It's just a classic, I think, and the four boys really made it work. Anyway...well, you're certainly right that the swap is destined to shake things up. I hope you enjoy what happens next!

 **Star Saber21:** Lol yeah, not so sweet at all.

 **TheHungerGames19:** Ah, no worries about the short review, I understand. And yeah, Sky was probably the most obvious switch considering it happened in canon, but I'm glad I was able to surprise people with Owen being the one she swapped with.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Lol, I'm glad somebody caught that. Yeah, that's their band - the name was actually one I had originally considered before I came up with the original Shuffled Action/World Tour band 'Drama to Drama'. It's a bit generic, but then again so is 'The Drama Brothers'. You're certainly right that Eva and Sky are growing more closer than Sky realizes...but, well, only time will tell how things go for them, and exactly how much they're shaken up by the team swap. I'm glad you're looking forward to how Kinosewak fares this week without Owen around, and I hope you like the direction I decided to take with them.

And that's those taken care of for the week! As always, **TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

Likewise, the teams are as follows - though only for this week, as things are gonna start changing fast.

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Mike, Owen

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Sky

It's the last pre-merge episode of the season. Babies are involved. Enjoy?

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 8 – Three Zones and a Baby**

"Last time, on Total Drama!" Chris began, the capstone theme opening over a long-distance shot of the island before the recap montage began. "The players had a _ball_ ," the host said over a clip of all the campers but Brick jumping into their respective teams' Turbo Orb, "that quickly rolled into a pit that everyone had to escape!" The orbs were shown rolling into the opening of the pit cave, then bouncing off the ledges and walls as they fell through it.

"The boys of both teams were forced to work together," Chris continued as the montage flashed to the four pairs of eyes calling out to each other in the dark, "forcing _Brick_ to get over his fear of the dark," the cadet was shown freaking out at the bottom of the pit cave then nearly falling into the stalagmite-filled ravine in an act of defiance, "and get closer, to _Duncan_." Brick was shown growing confident as he jumped onto the first stalagmite with his goggles on, then falling on top of Duncan at the very end of the crossing.

"Meanwhile, Heather and Leshawna found more than they should've," the two Kinosewak girls were shown crawling out into what they soon discovered was an elevator shaft, "and Sky and Eva showed us how _not_ to win a challenge," the Maskwak girls ran in horror out of the outhouse, "in the most dis-gus- _turbingly_ hilarious way _ev-er_!" The two were shown with disgust, and anger on Eva's part.

"No one went home," Chris said as the montage skipped ahead to Owen hugging his now-former teammates goodbye, "but I busted out a little McLean magic," Owen was shown approaching Sky, who stood up and walked away, "and made Owen and Sky switch teams."

The montage ended there, and the scene flashed to Chris standing by the rear of the cannon. "But, this is today," he told the camera, "and someone _will_ blast away!" he gave the cannon a loving pat. "So hip-hip-hooray, for Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A peaceful, lilting tune played as the scene opened on Pimâpotew Kinosewak's barn, the camera soon zooming in through the front window. A close-up showed Sky sleeping peacefully in a bed that, based on its orientation, had once belonged to Anne Maria; her eyes blinked open, and she blearily looked around the room.

"Good morning~," Heather sang sweetly, the camera pulling back to show her brushing her hair in front of the small stand below the front window. "Did you sleep well?"

Sky yawned and stretched her arms a bit, then swung her legs out of bed. "Yeah, I did. Thanks. You know, I'm actually a little surprised by how nice it is in here," she added as she stood up.

"Well, a girl's gotta make sure she's comfortable," Heather told her with a smile. "And that's why I wanna make you as _comfortable_ as possible."

Leshawna snorted and walked over from the right. "Yeah, cause you know you need her _vote_ to keep your butt from goin' home. Don't trust this girl, Sky," she told her new teammate, "you've _seen_ how dirty she acts."

"Come on now, I was just being competitive!" Heather retorted with a smile, pulling Sky close and putting an arm around her shoulders. "You aren't gonna hold it against me now that we're on the same side, are you?"

"Umm...," Sky said, looking at her awkwardly and lifting Heather's arm off of her, "sorry. I just think I need a little time to get to know both of you, alright?" she asked, looking from one girl to the other.

"Alright with me!" Heather said with a wide and cheery smile.

Leshawna crossed her arms and huffed. "Same here. You'll find out what she's _really_ like soon enough," she said earning a glare from Heather.

xxx

"Ugh, Chris _completely_ screwed me over with this stupid little swap of his," Heather bitterly confessed. "Owen might have been a total flake, but he was the only _ally_ I had left. Now I have to get Miss Goody Two-Shoes Gymnast on _my_ side, or think of something _else_." She crossed her arms, looked away, and huffed in frustration.

xxx

"So, when's breakfast?" Sky asked as she followed Heather and Leshawna down the barn ladder.

"Whenever _Duncan_ gets back," Heather answered as the girls began to move out.

"Mm-hmm," Leshawna added. "Gonna be weird though without Owen catchin' fish for us. Still, we might as well keep the fire goin'."

The shot zoomed in closer as Sky walked by with a smile on her face. "Well, just tell me what to do and I'll help with whatever," she said cheerfully.

/

A flash took the scene to Waneyihtam Maskwak's bunker as Brick and Mike led Owen in through the front door, the camera soon flashing in to show them gathering in the front hall. "We're back with breakfast, Eva!" Brick called out towards the girls' side before laying his bag of fruit down on the central crate-table next to Mike's and Owen's.

"So like I was saying," Owen told the boys, "that's when _Grandpa_ and I realized that the moose had surrounded us. And I gotta say, we almost didn't make it outta there with our _butts_ intact."

Brick and Mike chuckled. "Man, that's quite a story," Mike told him.

"Agreed," Brick said. "But you gotta tell us, what happened next?"

"Okay, okay," Owen laughed, and the camera zoomed in to show the curtain to the girls' side finally being pulled back, and Eva stepping through it with a level stare. "So that's when Grandpa told me to climb up on his back..."

Eva scowled and snorted in annoyance.

xxx

"Great," she told the outhouse camera, raising her arms and adding "just _great_! Not only is Sky on the other team now, but in her place we get _Owen_. He's good at finding food, sure, but he's already all buddy-buddy with Brick and Mike. They _better_ not be thinking of forming some kinda dumb _guys' alliance_ to vote me off if we lose," she growled, angrily shaking her fist.

Eva huffed and crossed her arms. "Looks like I gotta remind Brick and Mike what we've been through. I _refuse_ to just lay down and _lose_ like this."

xxx

"I was kinda nervous at first being on a new team and all," Owen admitted in the next confessional, "like they might wanna vote me out first because they don't know me as well. But then I realized that Brick and Mike are already my buddies, so I have nothing to worry about!" he finished cheerily.

xxx

"So, uh, looking forward to today's challenge?" Mike asked Eva, the static cutting away to show them lingering in the hall as Brick and Owen headed off to the left

"Yeah," Eva grunted, staring past Mike. He quickly noticed and looked back over his shoulder, a few tense notes playing as the camera panned over to show the curtain to the guys' side swinging closed.

"You, uh, you worried about Owen?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, I don't like how he's suddenly everyone's _buddy_ ," Eva replied. "He only just joined the team.

Mike awkwardly rubbed the back of his head. "I know, but we _did_ kinda get to know him pretty well during our joint foraging sessions," he explained causing Eva's brow to shoot up. "Oh, but I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. We're not just gonna, like, _abandon_ you or anything because of him."

Eva's brow creased. "You _better_ not. I've been a part of this team since day one." She turned and left with an apple in her hand, the camera lingering on Mike as he laughed anxiously then hung his head.

xxx

"This is gonna get _awkward_ if we lose today," Mike confessed with a nervous look.

xxx

The static cut away to show Brick and Owen sitting together on opposite sides of a large crate with a spread of fruit and fish between them.

"Man, it sure is _weird_ eating without Duncan around," Owen commented with a laugh.

"I guess it would be," Brick said. "That Duncan sure seems like a handful," he chuckled lightly. "Not that I don't _like_ the guy, cause I do," he explained to a mildly confused Owen. "In fact, I think I'd like to get to know him even more!"

Owen swallowed a handful of berries. "Oh," he said with a blank look before a sudden realization seemed to come to him. "Ohhh!" he said slowly, ending with a knowing look and almost squealing laugh. "You _like_ him, don't you?"

Brick promptly spat out a bite of cooked fish. "Wh-what? No I don't!" he spluttered in a panic. "I mean," he reasoned as he calmed down, "I like him as a friend and rival, but nothing more!"

"It's alright," Owen said with a knowing nod, "I understand. Truth is, I like guys too. And _girls_ , too," he added with a thoughtful look. "Pretty much everyone, really. But the point is," he looked back at Brick, "I've _seen_ how you act around Duncan. And as a guy who's had a _lot_ of crushes in his life, I can safely say that you're _into_ him."

Brick sighed and hung his head. "Maybe you're right. There's just something _about_ him that I just...fixate on, I guess. I like bein' around him. Maybe it's attraction, I don't know."

"What, have you never had a crush before?" Owen asked.

"You don't have _time_ for crushes when you're in the cadets," Brick puffed himself up and declared.

Owen nodded knowingly again. "I see. Well then, just leave it to your ol' pal Owen to help you through this."

Brick awkwardly rubbed the back of his head and smiled. "Uhh...okay?"

Just then, the sound of a blowhorn rang through the air outside. "Attention, by soon-to-be victims!" Chris announced cheerfully. "Your fate awaits at the grand clearing!" The shot cut to the loudspeaker, and then to the door of the bunker as it swung open and Mike and Eva walked outside. "Last one there, eats a rotten e~egg!" the host taunted.

"Speaking from experience," Owen told Mike and Eva as he leaned out over them, "we _don't_ want that egg..."

Mike and Eva shared a look, then took off running with Owen and Brick right behind them.

/

The music rose up into a fast-paced tune usually used for challenges just before the scene flashed to the girls of Team Kinosewak racing through the forest, Duncan soon running up alongside them. "Hah! Looks like we've got this in the _bag_ ," he told them with a wide smirk. "No rotten eggs for _this_ team, am I right?"

The shot cut in close to show Heather, Sky, and Leshawna sharing a look. "Since when did you get so enthusiastic about the team?" Leshawna asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Duncan replied with a brief flash of nervousness. "We're a team of winners, am I right ladies?"

The camera pulled back just in time to show Duncan, whose head was turned to look at his teammates, run straight into a tree. Heather and Leshawna laughed as they ran onward with Sky, and Duncan groaned in pain.

xxx

"Have I mentioned how much this bites?" Duncan asked the outhouse camera, raising his arms in aggravation. "Because it _totally_ does. I don't wanna be on a team with a buncha chicks, especially not _annoying_ ones! And the worst part is, without Owen around they're probably gonna form some kinda girls' alliance to vote me off, meaning I gotta bust my butt getting in good with them so that doesn't happen! Ugh," he crossed his arms and huffed, "why couldn't _I_ have been the one to get swapped to the other team?"

xxx

A flat fanfare played as the scene moved to a checkered starting banner, the camera panning down and to the left to show Chris and Chef standing with the usual TV cart. As the sounds of heavy breathing drew closer he checked his watch, and the camera soon pulled back to show Duncan running up to take his place alongside his teammates with Maskwak already there as well.

"Aaaaand _Duncan_ arrives last," Chris announced, a triumphant tune playing, "so! He gets to eat the rotten egg." He turned and nodded at Chef, who walked forward with a smirk.

"Aww, c'mon, _seriously_?!" Duncan groaned.

"Enjoy your meal," Chef said darkly, the shot zooming in as he walked up and held out a foul-looking egg to the punk; Duncan took one whiff of it and recoiled in disgust.

"This day sucks...," he said, covering his nose with his arm as he hesitantly took the egg.

The camera panned over to show Team Maskwak watching, and Owen elbowed Brick in the side. "Huh?" Brick said in brief confusion before perking up. "Oh! Yeah, I'll eat it if you don't want it, Duncan."

Mike and Eva, standing to the left, shared a shocked look. "What, really?" Mikes asked in confusion.

"Yeah, it's a _rotten egg_!" Eva chimed in.

"So? I've got a strong stomach," Brick told them. "Whaddaya say?" he turned and asked Duncan.

The shot cut to Duncan as he stared from the egg to Brick, then shrugged. "Uh, sure, dude, knock yourself out. I coulda handled it, but far be it from me to deny a guy who _wants_ to eat it." He handed the egg across the gap between teams to Brick.

"Bottoms up," Brick said with a hint of nervousness as the camera focused on him. He gulped, then shoved the whole egg in his mouth...and scrunched up in disgust as an odd sound played.

"Alright, while Brick enjoys his unearned brekkie," Chris said, drawing the cadet's watery eyes to the right, "the rest of you listen up." The shot cut to the smiling host, and he continued. "Today's challenge is called 'Hush, or _Die_ '." An image took over the screen, depicting an orange arrow and a green arrow moving alongside a line that had been divided into three segments by tick marks. "The teams have to race through _three_ separate and unique danger zones," Chris explained, a bluish logo bearing the number 1, 2, or 3 popping into place as the arrows passed by the corresponding section of the line. The camera pulled back to show the image on the television screen, and Chris raised a trio of fingers.

"The three zones have _one_ thing in common, though," he added, switching to one finger before the on-screen image slid away to be replaced by a standard 'volume' icon with curved lines rippling out of it signifying the noise level. "The noisier you are, the greater the danger becomes." He smiled as an orange-ish skull and crossbones flew out of the on-screen icon.

The shot cut to an arrow-shaped sign with a '1' on it. "Area 1 is called," the camera pulled back and to the right to show several male lions dozing on the various boulders that littered the forest, "the Lion's Lunch. You gotta sneak through a field of sleeping lions. Wake one up," he joked as the camera panned onto even more lions, "and you're lunch! Haha."

"Well, at least they're sleeping," Mike told his teammates in a hopeful tone.

"Oh," Chris interrupted, "and there are rattlesnakes, too." The camera panned from him back to the television, the live feed now focused on a snake curled up on a rock. It raised its head and hissed at the camera, rattling its tail as well.

"Oh...well okay then," Mike said in nervous disappointment, "that's different."

"Now hold on," Owen spoke up with furrowed brow, "rattlesnakes are like _deadly_ poisonous!"

"The venom in our snakes has been _slightly_ diluted," Chris explained. "So, you'll only _feel_ like you're gonna die! If you make it outta that zone alive," the camera moved back onto the TV, "maybe you'll die in Area 2!" The lived feed cut away from the hissing snake to a pan across an ordinary-looking stretch of forest. "The _Pasta Blasta_!" Chris announced dramatically. "Make a noise in zone 2, and blindfolded Chef will _blast ya_ with _pasta_!" The feed cut to Chef Hatchet, standing blindfolded with his bazooka by a stack of cans of his own brand of extra-spicy spaghetti. A bird started singing overhead, and the camera pulled back to show him crouching down on the large stump he was stationed at and firing a blast of pasta. It hit the bluebird, plastering it to the trunk of the tree and scattering a few feathers in the process.

"Pfft," Duncan scoffed, "like anybody was ever killed by _spaghetti_."

"Truuue," Chris said slowly. "Unless the burning-hot noodles cause you to scream and wake-up the carnivorous Pasta Bear," he pointed out with a grin, a bout of static transitioning the scene to a large cave with several empty pasta cans scattered in front of it, "forcing your team to untangle you before you get eaten alive."

"Yup," Sky said as the shot cut back to the stunned faces of Team Kinosewak, "sounds deadly to me."

Another round of static cut the scene to a panning shot of what looked like a snowy mountain trail of all things, the usual arrow-shaped signs still marking the zone. "The _last_ phase of the challenge is crossing the _Avalanche Zone_!" Chris explained, ending in a dramatic tone as the pan reached the checkered finish line at the very end.

"Avalanche Zone?" Heather repeated dismissively, the camera pulling back to show her walking over to the television with a smirk. "No need to explain what _that_ zone is about since you gave it such an _uncreative_ name."

Chris frowned in annoyance and took out a walkie-talkie. "Chef! Gimme a _shot_ , 10 o'clock, 73° high, please?" A shot rang off as he lowered his arm, and seconds later a blast of saucy spaghetti sailed down and struck Heather in the chest.

"Aaagh! _Chris_!" Heather growled, half in anger half in pain as the camera cut to her lying on the ground struggling with the pasta pinning her down. "Learn to take a _joke_ , will ya?"

"I'll have you know my sense of humor is _perfect_ ," Chris told her. "Case in point, it occurred to me that you kids are young and agile enough to handle this challenge easily. So it would be _hilarious_ if I found a way to turn youth against you!"

"For _you_ , maybe," Leshawna told him.

"Like I said," Chris told her, "my sense of humor is _perfect_. So, to make things funnier for the only person that _matters_ , _everyone_ will have to carry a special something through the entire challenge! It'll make it _way_ harder."

"Sure," Sky said skeptically, "but I still don't get what any of that has to do with _youth_..."

Chris grinned, and the shot cut backwards to show a shadow slowly moving over the group. "I'm glad you asked. _Release_ the _babies_!" he commanded, raising his arms to the air as the music rose up dramatically.

Everyone gasped and looked up, and the camera quick-panned upward to show a pair of familiar interns in the basket of a hot air balloon – hanging from the bottom of which were eight babies swaddled tightly in pastel cloth. The female intern pulled a cord, and the babies dropped...

xxx

"This _can't_ be _legal_!" Sky exclaimed.

xxx

A few deep, ringing notes played as Heather, Sky, and Leshawna were shown catching their babies with frantic looks on their faces. The camera panned left to show Duncan doing the same, then Brick, then Owen, then Mike, and lastly Eva. One of the babies cooed in its sleep, but none of them stirred.

"This is _messed up_ ," Eva said, her eyes still wide. "I can't take care of a baby!" The baby in her hands began to cry, and her eyes darted down to it.

Chris gently shushed her, then grinned. "They're _sleeping_ ," he stage-whispered. "You wake a lion up with a crying baby, and it's not gonna be a party!"

The shot cut back to Eva as she nervously looked down at her crying baby. "Uh...there there," she said, rocking the baby slightly as a soft yet tense classical tune played. "It's okay, little...baby..." The music became soft before fading away entirely as the baby settled back down into sleep, and Eva let out a sigh of relief.

"Uhh...are you gonna be alright with that baby?" Mike asked in a whisper, the camera pulling back to show him, Owen, and Brick all staring nervously at her.

Eva looked from them, to the baby, and back again. "I'm just gonna try and not say anything," she said. "So don't make me _wanna_ say anything, got it?"

"Got it," Owen nodded, giving her a thumbs-up that the other boys quickly mirrored.

"Aaand," Chris whispered, the shot jumping back out to show all of the campers looking towards him except Duncan, who was still holding his maybe out at arm's length and looking at it uneasily. "Go!' Chris finished, taking out his airhorn and giving it the slightest of toots.

/

The scene flashed to a close-up of Brick and Eva cautiously tiptoeing through the first zone as a low, tense trill took over the background music. The camera pulled to show Mike and Owen in the foreground, both looking around nervously at the sleeping lions and snakes but in doing so missing a small twig on the ground in front of them. Mike accidentally stepped on it and the music spiked; all four members of Team Maskwak froze as the snakes lifted their heads and started rattling.

A close-up showed a lion uttering a growling yawn and opening its eyes; it only blinked them a few times before falling back asleep. Mike and Owen let out breaths of relief, and the focus moved to Brick and Eva looking their way.

"Watch where you're stepping," Eva hissed. "We can't mess this up!"

"I'm sorry," Mike replied in a frantic whisper, "I'll be more careful from now on."

/

Another flash, and a low-to-the-ground shot showed Sky stepping gingerly over a sleeping snake. The camera moved up and out as she sighed in relief, only for a slender and pale arm to reach out of a bush and pull her into it with a yipe.

The camera immediately cut to the other side of the bush to show all of Team Kinosewak there with their babies, Heather with a hand on Sky's shoulder and a look to the side. "Alright, here's the plan," Heather said, the music becoming louder and more serious.

"Can it be to keep movin'?" Leshawna asked in annoyance.

"In a _second_ ," Heather replied testily. "Look, once we all leave one of these stupid ' _zones_ ', if we're in the lead we should make some noise and stir up the dangers in it so the others can't catch up. Agreed?"

"Yeah, totally," Duncan answered, immediately and forcefully. "I absolutely agree with that great plan of yours, 100%." The girls all raised eyebrows at him, and he smiled awkwardly.

Leshawna scoffed. "Fine, fine, whatever. Can we just get movin' now?"

Heather looked at Sky. "Well?" she asked her expectantly.

"Mmm...well...," she said uncertainly. "It seems a little... _dangerous_..." She glanced to the side, and the camera quick-panned over to show Brick stepping around a snake, then slowly stepping backwards. The camera followed him as he unwittingly neared a sleeping lion, but a heavy breath from it caused him to freeze in place.

"For _them_ ," Heather told her as the scene returned. "Look, you're on _our_ team now, remember?"

"I _know_ , it's just..." Sky said, still looking hesitant.

"Just _what_?" Heather asked in an almost pleading manner. "You're on different teams now, you gotta put your feelings aside!"

xxx

"Ugh, I _hate_ having to straddle the line between being strategic and being nice for her," Heather complained. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and moved her hands to either side. "It'll be worth it," she told herself. "Once I have a loyal girl like _her_ on my side, I'll be good for _quite_ a while."

xxx

"Making it harder on the other team _is_ a valid strategy," Sky confessed. "I just feel _bad_ putting them in danger...on purpose!" she said sadly. She sighed. "Then again, Eva _is_ tough enough to handle just about anything. Not that the others _aren't_ , obviously," she added quickly. "Eva's just the toughest."

xxx

Sky sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"Good," Heather nodded. "I won't ask _you_ to do it, but I don't want you stopping the _rest_ of us, either."

"I won't," Sky said.

"Okay then!" Heather smiled, bending down and picking up a stone, then throwing it off to the side. The shot cut to it landing next to a snake, causing it to wake up and start rattling – the camera pulling back to show it staring right at the four members of Team Maskwak.

"C'mon, let's go!" Leshawna hissed at her teammates as the scene returned to them, the music turning tense as they all ran off. The camera lingered in place, however, to show the tree next to the bush they'd been hiding behind descend into the ground with a metallic whir...

/

The music spiked dramatically as the scene flashed back to Team Maskwak looking down warily at the snake that was hissing and rattling in front of them. "Crud...," Mikes muttered in muted panic.

"Just...just keep calm, everyone," Brick whispered. "We just gotta go around it."

"Around it _where_?" Eva hissed, the camera moving behind them as she motioned to their front and the shot pulling back to show the snake sitting in the middle of a relatively narrow path between two lounging lions. "There's barely any room to walk!"

Brick gulped as the camera cut back to an angled shot in front of them. "Good point..."

"I think we should split up," Owen suggested on the far right. "If we aren't all trying to tiptoe by the same lion, then we might not wake it up."

"Also a good point," Brick said.

"I'm for it," Mike said, looking between Eva and Brick. "We gotta keep moving, right?"

"Right," Eva nodded before tiptoeing forward. Mike followed her, while Owen and Brick headed off in a different direction; the viewpoint moved above and behind them to show them filing slowly around either side of the snake.

xxx

"I feel kinda _bad_ for suggesting that we split up," Owen confessed, nervously pressing his fingertips together. "I mean, not that it's a bad _idea_ or anything," he explained, "just that I wanted to do it so I could go try and talk to Duncan alone." He paused, his eyes darting from side to side before he raised a hand to shield his mouth, leaned towards the camera, and whispered "I wanna ask him how he feels about _Brick_." He giggled as he leaned back.

xxx

The static cut away to show Team Kinosewak creeping through another part of the zone, Duncan in the back and the girls in the front as they headed past another lion sleeping on a rock on the foreground. "Okay," Duncan looked back and whispered, "I'm pretty sure we're ahead of the other team."

"Good," Heather replied. "Just a little bit further and-"

All four stopped in their tracks as Duncan's baby suddenly whimpered. "Oh no," Duncan moaned with wide eyes, holding the baby out at arm's length. "What's wrong with it?" It whimpered again, and the shot cut to the nearby lion stirring.

"How should _we_ know?" Leshawna replied. "Figure it out yourself!"

"Dude, I don't know the first _thing_ about babies!" Duncan replied, his voice getting louder. His baby started crying, and the lion awoke with a snarl. "Oh, this isn't good," he said.

"You think?!" Sky shot at him, the camera pulling back to show the lion now standing and facing towards them. It roared, and they all screamed.

/

A pause sign appeared over the scene as it stopped, and the camera pulled back from the television to reveal it on the left end of an L-shaped desk. Chris was sitting at the outside corner in a tall-backed office chair and his usual smile.

"Will Team Kinosewak be eliminated from the challenge," he asked as the capstone theme played, "and _existence_ right now? Or, will they _somehow_ escape the Kings of the Jungle? And what about those babies, eh? How are _they_ gonna make everyone's lives more miserable? Find out soon, here on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with a deep note, the camera just behind Sky's right shoulder showing the lion growling and readying for a pounce. "On three, we run," Sky said. "One...," another deep note played as the camera moved in front of her, Sky lowering herself into a running position.

"Two...," she said, the shot cutting to Heather and Leshawna nervously preparing themselves as a third deep note played.

The shot then cut to Duncan sniffing his crying baby, then wincing in disgust. "Thr-" Sky began off-screen, and Duncan's eyes widened.

"Wait!" he called out dashing forward with his baby held out in front of him.

"What are you _doing_?!" Heather exclaimed in annoyance and shock as Duncan ran past the girls, coming to a stop just in front of the lion. It stopped mid-snarl upon being confronted with the crying baby, then sniffed the air and cringed.

"Go on, _get_!" Duncan yelled at it, thrusting his baby towards it as it backed up and tried to cover its nose. He took another step forward, and the lion turned and fled.

"Whoa," Sky said as the shot cut back to the three shocked girls, "what just happened?"

xxx

"Turns out the kid's diaper was full," Duncan explained to the outhouse camera, his eyes drifting off to the side. "And I figured hey, if _I_ got a loud, smelly baby shoved in my face I wouldn't stick around, so the lion probably wouldn't either."

xxx

"Hah!" Duncan barked out a laugh as Heather, Sky, and Leshawna rejoined him. "Am I awesome or what?"

Leshawna took a whiff of him and his baby, then held her nose and waved the air away. "Pee-yew! More like _stanky_ ," she said.

Duncan's baby started crying again, causing the girls to wince and quickly attend to their own infants before they woke up. "Yeah, we are _so_ going ahead of you," Heather told him irritably. "Don't bother catching up until your baby's _diaper_ is changed."

" _What_?!" Duncan asked in disbelief as Heather and Leshawna started walking away.

"Sorry," Sky stayed back to tell him, "but you _are_ kind of a big, loud, smelly target right now. It's not worth the risk."

"But I-" Duncan tried to say before she hurried away, whispering to her baby as she rocked it gently. The punk groaned in frustration.

/

The pause sign reappeared with a beep, and the camera pulled back to show Chris at his desk again. " _Ouch_ ," he cringed mockingly, "I do _not_ envy Duncan right now. But since he and his teammates made it through the Lion's Lunch, they _are_ ready for the Pasta Blasta!"

/

A deep, ominous riff played as the shot cut Chef loading his bazooka with another can of pasta, and blindly taking aim.

Heather gulped, and the camera pulled back to show her, Leshawna, and Sky all looking wary. "So...who wants to go first?" Heather asked with a pleasant smile.

Leshawna scowled at her. "We all go together, Miss Chicken Legs," she whispered. "It ain't _that_ hard."

"I'll go first," Sky volunteered, stepping forward to her teammates' surprise.

xxx

"To be honest, it's a little hard to believe those two have gotten this far considering how much they don't like each other," Sky confessed. "I guess it just goes to show how strong they are individually. But for now, somebody needs to step up and keep them focused, and that person's gonna be me." She finished with a proud smile.

xxx

Sky took a deep breath and held her baby close to her chest. "Alright, wish me luck," she told her teammates who silently waved her. A tense challenge tune rose up as she ran forward and slid legs-first behind a bush, only to roll forward from it moments later to hide behind a tree. The camera zoomed in as she leaned out cautiously from behind it, looked around, and nodded. "Okay, looks like the coast is clear," she whispered before tiptoeing back out into the open.

Moments later, she took a step and something honked; it startled her enough that she fumbled with her baby for a second.

"Did I forget to tell you the field is full of booby traps?" Chris asked over the loudspeaker, Sky looking down at her feet and the camera cutting to her lifting her foot off a bike horn. "My bad!" the host finished as Chef was shown firing his bazooka with a grin.

Sky screamed as she was hit with a large ball of meaty pasta, and the camera cut to her front to show her stuck to the trunk with pasta up to her chin, her baby held over her head. "Uh-oh," Chris taunted mischievously earning a nervous look from Sky, "here comes _Pasta Bear_!" The camera pulled back just enough to show the left forepaw and hip of a bear standing up, with gold rings on two of its claws and some kind of strap around its waist and back.

The music turned tense as the viewpoint shifted back to the side, Leshawna and Heather running up to their new teammate. "Heather, you get that stuff offa Sky," Leshawna said. "I'll try and distract the bear."

" _Hate_ this stupid challenge...," Heather muttered, stopping in front of Sky as Leshawna continued running. The Queen Bee set her baby down on the ground, then started pulling pasta off her teammate while muttering under her breath.

"Alright furball," Leshawna said, the shot cutting to her hunching down as if to intercept a tackle, "you wanna get her you gotta go through _me_." As she spoke the camera cut to Pasta Bear's running feet, the back outward to show him – scuba tank on his back, gold chains around his neck, and blindfold over his eyes - running clear past Leshawna to her immediate confusion.

"Did I forget to tell you that Pasta Bear is running on smell?" Chris asked mischievously as the bear was shown running along blindly, pausing to sniff the air, then resuming his run with an excited tongue-lolling grin. "My bad!"

Leshawna's eyes widened. "This ain't good y'all, hurry up!"

The shot cut to Sky and Heather, the latter frantically pulling pasta away faster and beginning to scream as the former raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Hey, that's _Bling_ Bear!"

/

"Uggh, this is _so_ gross," Duncan groaned as the scene flashed back to him standing by the Zone 2 sign, holding what looked like a dirty diaper at arm's length with only two fingers. He tossed it away to the right, then turned his back to the camera, bent down, and picked up his baby – swaddled, awake, and smiling. "I got no idea if I did that right, little dude, but if you're happy I'm happy," he told it with a smile of his own. "Coochie coochie coo...," he said in a low, babyish voice as he cradled the baby in one arm and tickled it, earning a delighted giggle in return.

And another, more familiar giggle from the side that promptly earned his attention. "Aww, your baby really likes you," Owen said, the camera zooming out to show him walking over with his own baby in hand. "You must be really good with him."

"No way dude, this is just a fluke," Duncan said defensively.

xxx

"I _don't_ like kids, okay," Duncan told the outhouse camera with an aggressive sort of defensiveness. "Only reason I'm trying to take care of the one I was forced to take is so he stays calm and I don't get eaten by a bear," he explained, crossing his arms and nodding shortly.

xxx

Owen giggled again, causing the baby to giggle too. "I don't know, it looks like you might be a natural at this..."

"Dude, no I'm not!" Duncan shot back, visibly flustered. "And I'll see you later, I gotta go catch up with my team...," he said, turning around and beginning to walk away.

"Wait!" Owen called out frantically, sticking out an arm towards his friend. "One last thing before you go?"

Duncan sighed and turned around. "Dude, make it quick."

"Don't worry, I will," Owen said. "All I wanna know is how you feel about _Brick_."

An odd note played as the shot cut to Duncan's close-up, the punk looking startled. "Brick? I don't know, dude, he's a pretty cool guy for someone who wants to take orders for a living."

"Is that aaaalll?" Owen asked slowly and knowingly, going up on his toes in excited expectation.

"Uhh...," Duncan said, taken off-guard. "I think he's a strong competitor? Kinda good lookin' in his own dorky way. And I'm looking forward to the merge so I can have fun pushing his buttons a little more." The shot briefly cut to Owen lowering his head slightly and raising his brow expectantly. "Dude, what else do you want me to say?!" Duncan asked in annoyance.

"Do you liiiike him?" Owen asked slyly.

Duncan's eyes widened as he was taken aback again. "Dude! I...what're you...I'm not..." he spluttered. Owen giggled at him, and he threw his arms up and growled in frustration. "You're outta your gourd, and _I'm_ gettin' outta here," he told his former teammate, turning around and walking away.

The camera lingered on Owen as he continued to giggle for a few more seconds, then turned around at the sound of footsteps accompanied by a deep, ominous note. "What was _that_?" Eva demanded, the camera pulling back to show her, Brick, and Mike finally arriving. "Why were you talking to him?"

"No reason," Owen said with a shallow shrug, nervously averting his gaze. "Now let's go win this challenge!" he declared, raising an arm and running off to the right with a muted cry of "Woo hoo!"

Brick quickly followed with a wide smile, and Mike started running off as well before he looked back at Eva and slowed down. The shot cut to her close-up as she crossed her arms, and raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Team Maskwak are _in_ to Zone 2!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker as Mike and Eva ran off. "But do they have what it takes to catch up to Kinosewak?" he asked the camera as it cut to him at his desk.

/

The scene moved back to the Kinosewak girls, Sky included, now running through the zone. "Unless Kinosewak figure out their problem soon," Chris continued via the loudspeaker once more, "I'd say yes."

A quick-pan back to the left showed Pasta Bear still chasing after them to the usual tense challenge theme, and the scene soon cut back to the girls as they shared a look.

"We gotta find some way to shake him," Sky said.

"Grr, if only the stupid Maskwaks would make some _noise_ so it would go _backwards_!" Heather chimed in with annoyance.

"Yeah, straight to _Duncan_ , who we need _alive_ in order to cross the finish line!" Leshawna pointed out, glaring at her rival.

Heather let out an annoyed scoff as the camera cut outward. "Well-"

The three were suddenly launched into the air by a long spring-loaded panel hidden in the ground, screaming as they flew backwards. Pasta Bear came roaring up to the panel and the pit below it, then stopped and sniffed the air. It grunted in confusion, then wandered off to the right.

The music trilled tensely as the shot moved to Heather and Leshawna landing with screams in a bush. Moments later Sky came down in front of it on her, feet, arms out at her sides and a smile on her face as she stuck the landing. "Whoa!" she gasped in shock as she glanced upward, quickly leaning to either side to catch her teammates' babies in either hand, then her own on her head. "Uhh...a little help here, please?" she asked as she struggled to maintain the infants' balance, and Heather and Leshawna obliged by standing up out of the bush and taking their respective babies from her.

"Thanks," Sky told them with a smile.

"Thank us later," Heather said as she looked around. "In case you haven't noticed, we're back near the start!"

"Aww, c'mon now...," Leshawna said in frustration. "Alright, let's get movin'," she said, charging to the right with Sky and Heather following shortly after, the music rising in pace and intensity.

The shot quickly cut to them catching up to Duncan, the delinquent sending a shocked look back over his shoulder. "Whoa, how'd you get behind me?"

"Never mind that, why are _you_ so far behind?" Heather replied.

Just then, Owen ran up to them with the rest of Team Maskwak right behind him. "Hi again Duncan!" he greeted his friend with a cheery wave, shocking all four Salmons. "Bye again Duncan!" he followed up with as he and his teammates ran on ahead.

"'Hi _again_ '?!" Heather repeated angrily, glaring at Duncan.

"What?!" Duncan whispered, shrugging defensively. "So we talked a little, big whoop!"

"About _what_ , exactly?" Heather asked.

"Who cares!" Leshawna hissed in annoyance. "We gotta focus on catchin' up!"

"Yeah, I agree with Leshawna on this one," Sky said.

Heather huffed. "Fine," she said. She bent down slightly, and the shot cut to her scooping up a bicycle horn up off the ground. She then threw it hard as she ran, and the camera followed it though the air until it his Mike in the head.

"Oww!" he exclaimed as the horn honked and bounced off, landing with another honk. He sent a dirty look back as he rubbed where he'd been hit, then stopped in sudden realization and looked forward. The shot cut to Chef turning towards the sound and grinning, then firing off a blast of pasta.

Mike screamed as he was hit off-screen, and the shot quickly cut back to him and his baby plastered to a tree by the spicy spaghetti. He groaned as his baby woke up and laughed in delight, and the camera cut to Pasta Bear catching sniffing the air then excitedly running off to the left.

"Ohhh crap...," Mike said nervously as he looked off to the right. The passing Kinosewaks caught his attention as they passed by, though, and he glared as Heather blew him a raspberry,

xxx

"Well _that's_ sure to distract the Maskwaks," Heather proudly told the camera. "But I _am_ a little concerned about what Duncan was doing with Owen," she said, tapping her chin as she looked to the side with suspicion. "But," she gave the camera a crafty smile, "it _has_ given me an idea for how to save my butt in the long-term. It'll be tricky to pull off, but _definitely_ worth it."

xxx

The music turned slow and tense as the static cut away to show Brick, Owen, and Eva running up to Mike.

"Eva, you free Mike while me and Owen distract Pasta Bear," Brick said, pointing first at their trapped teammate and then back over his own shoulder.

"Fine," Eva grunted as she got to work tearing at the pasta, "but you better slow down those Kinosewaks, too."

"On it!" Owen said in a serious tone before he and Brick ran off, the camera zooming in on Eva as she scowled in their direction then resumed freeing Mike.

A tense note was struck as the shot cut to Mike raising an eyebrow. "Umm...is something wrong? Uh, I mean, aside from me getting caught," he said quickly and anxiously, "sorry for that..."

"I don't trust Owen," Eva said bluntly, the camera jumping back a bit as Mike's brow shot up in shock.

"W-why not?" Mike stammered. "He seems like a pretty great guy to me."

Eva snorted. "Yeah, _everyone_ thinks so, _especially_ his old teammates. You saw how upset he was to leave them behind when he got swapped, _and_ he was talking to Duncan earlier."

"Well...yeah, okay," Mike admitted, "but I don't know if I can just vote him out. He's my friend!"

"So what, you're gonna vote _me_ out instead?" Eva asked harshly, pausing as she grabbed the bulk of the pasta. "After everything we've been through as a team?"

"I don't wanna vote out _anyone_!" Mike exclaimed. "I want us to win so we don't _have_ to..."

Eva stared at him for a second, then looked down and yanked the last of the pasta off of him. "Me neither," she grunted as both grabbed their babies. "But I'm getting really, I don't know, _nervous_ ," she admitted, looking at him sadly. "If _we_ win, they might vote off Sky. And...I don't want that to happen..." She hung her head.

Mike sighed. "I...think I know how you feel...I guess we just gotta hope we can win this," he said, and the two ran off.

/

A flash took the scene to Brick and Owen, the tense challenge music rising up once again. The shot cut to Pasta Bear running towards them from the opposite direction, then returned to the boys as they skidded to a stop.

"Here, take care of Junior," Owen said, handing Brick his baby then turning around and bending over. "Alright bear, take a whiff of _this_!" he said, pulling down his pants and letting loose a massive but almost silent fart just as Pasta Bear came into view. The shot cut in to the bear's close-up as he reached the edge of the sickly cloud of gas; he winced and grunted in disgust, and then turned and fled with his paws covering his nose.

" _Yes_!" Owen cheered, pumping a fist then accepting his baby back from Brick and exchanging a high-five.

Moments later the music spiked dramatically as Brick's brow shot up and he pulled Owen down into a crouch, a blast of pasta sailing right through where Owen had been standing. "Holy _smokes_ that was close!" Owen whispered, lifting his right arm to look back at the spaghetti that had almost hit him. "Thanks for saving me!"

"No problem," Brick replied with a smile. "I just got an idea how we can take out the other team, too."

/

"I think we're back where we got launched," Sky whispered as the scene flashed back to Team Kinosewak creeping along together.

"Good, just keep quiet and watch your step and we'll be fine," Heather replied.

Moments later Heather, Sky, and Leshawna were hit in the head with small globs of pasta flying in from the left, causing them to stumble and crash into each other. "What the heck?" Leshawna exclaimed, feeling the saucy pasta on her hair. "How'd Chef find us?"

Duncan gasped as he caught sight of something to the right. "I don't know, but he ain't done!" he hissed, quickly jumping to the side before a normal-sized pasta blast crashed into the girls from the right.

It was then that Owen and Brick ran by, their hands covered in pasta sauce. "Haha, sorry guys!" Owen laughed.

"I hope you don't get eaten!" Brick added.

The shot cut to the girls growling and scowling in annoyance before panning over to Duncan, a mild grin on his face. "Hey, not a bad trick," he said, "I'm kinda impressed."

"Stop bein' _impressed_ and _start_ gettin' us out!" Leshawna barked at him, and with a startled look he quickly began working on the pasta that was binding the girls together.

/

Another flash took the scene to the Zone 3 sign, snow falling around it as the music slowed down. "Looks like Team Maskwak is going across the second finish line first," Chris announced over the loudspeaker as the four members of the team ran across the screen, Brick and Owen out front with Eva and a sauce-splattered Mike behind.

"Yes!" Owen cheered, raising the arm that wasn't holding his baby. "Go team!" He shared a high-five with Brick, then turned to do the same with Mike only to catch sight of Eva's glare.

"Sshh," she hissed," do you want us to get buried?"

"Sorry...," Owen whispered, cringing meekly.

xxx

"Yeah, Eva scares me a little," Owen confessed.

xxx

"Congratulations Team Maskwak," Chris whispered, standing before the four in his white parka. "You're in the lead now, and just _one_ more zone to go. First, I need you to hand in your babies." As he spoke, the long-banged male intern jogged over with a red baby carriage.

"Aww, why?" Owen asked in disappointment, giving his baby one last one-fingered tickle before handing it to the intern.

"Lawyers called Chef and said something about danger, and babies, and lawsuits, blah blah blah bleh bleh," Chris explained in an uninterested tone.

"Well, uh, not to jinx us or anything, but...that's kind of a relief, right?" Mike asked his teammates as the intern pushed the carriage away. "We don't have to worry about the babies anymore." Eva, Owen, and Brick gave him nervous looks, then looked to Chris as the camera panned to the right.

Chris let out an annoyed sigh. "I know, don't remind me. You're lucky I don't have a replacement ready to keep things interesting."

Team Maskwak sighed in relief, then continued onward. "Y'know...," Owen began slowly and softly, looking around at the mountain they were on, "I don't remember seeing this place before _today_..."

"Yeah, you're right," Mike added. "Which is strange, cause things like this don't really just... _pop_ into place..."

"Hey, not my fault you guys didn't notice it before," Chris told them. "Cause _trust me_ , it's _always_ been here."

The music picked up as the scene returned to the zone 3 sign, the members of Team Kinosewak breathing heavily as they ran up to it and the intern. Heather, Sky, and Leshawna quickly handed off their babies, but Duncan paused after holding his up. The shot cut to it's eyes wide open, looking at Duncan with a bright smile and burbling.

"C'mon, hand over the baby and let's _go_!" Leshawna told him.

"I-I'm _trying_ ," Duncan replied in an almost desperate tone, the intern growing impatient as the punk continued to hold the baby up. "But I don't think it _wants_ me to!" The camera moved over his shoulder as he moved to hand the baby to the intern, only for it to tear up and its lip to begin trembling. "Aww, c'mon little guy," Duncan said, pulling it back into his arms, "don't be like that!"

"Just...put it in the carriage, it's not that hard!" Sky told him.

"Whatever," Heather said quickly, putting her hands around Sky and Leshawna. "We'll just go ahead and let _Duncan_ get himself sorted out."

"Whoa," Leshawna said in shock as Heather started pushing her and Sky forward.

"But-" Sky objected before the three girls left the screen,

The camera moved back onto Duncan, his baby, and the intern as the latter glared at the punk. "What?" Duncan asked defensively

/

"We _need_ Duncan to cross the finish line with us or we'll _lose_!" Sky objected as the scene flashed to the three girls.

"I _know_ ," Heather told her. "I just needed to talk to you girls in private for a second."

"About _what_ ," Leshawna asked skeptically.

"Listen," Heather said, the camera cutting in for a close-up, "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but the three of us _need_ to stick together right now." The shot cut to Sky and Leshawna sharing a disbelieving and uncertain look, then panned back to Heather as she scowled. "Look. If we win this, who do you think the Maskwaks will vote off? Seeing how close all the guys are, it's _obviously_ gonna be Eva." A sharp note played as Sky's brow shot up. "Then if we merge tomorrow," Heather continued, "the four boys are just gonna pick _us_ off one by one."

Sky brought a finger to her chin as her brow furrowed thoughtfully. "So then if we lose, we should vote out _Duncan_..."

"Exactly!" Heather grinned. "This challenge has made it clear that he's _barely_ on our side, and it's obvious the guys are looking out for him, why else would they not throw pasta at him like they did the rest of us?" Sky and Leshawna shared another look, this one more surprised. "If we can get rid of Duncan today, then when the teams merge _you_ -" she looked at Sky- "can bring in Eva and it'll be the four _girls_ who are in control."

"Uhh, _excuse_ me?" Leshawna interjected almost angrily. "If I'm not mistaken, you sound like you _want_ us to lose this challenge."

"Hey, I'll admit it's a bit... _unorthodox_ ," Heather said with a bit of hesitation as she searched for the right word, "but I'm only thinking of what's best for _all_ of us right now. What do you say, girls?" she asked with an expectant grin.

Sky scrunched her face up uncertainly. "Well...it's true that I don't want Eva to be voted out...but..."

"But nothin', I didn't come here to _lose_ cause some prissy Prom Queen wannabe is afraid of a few guys," Leshawna interjected, grabbing Heather and Sky by the arms and dragging them forward with her.

/

A soft, sweet tune played as the scene flashed back to Duncan, rocking his baby in his arms. "There there little guy," he said with a warm smile, "off to beddy-bye land..." The intern rolled his eyes, earning a sharp glare from Duncan.

The sound of a throat being cleared caught Duncan's attention, and the camera panned behind him to show Chef aiming his bazooka at him. "Right...," the punk said slowly as he finally handed over the now-sleeping baby to the intern, "I'll just be going..." He promptly ran off.

/

A lower, more somber tune started playing as the footage skipped ahead to show Duncan catching up to his teammates. "And Team Kinosewak has _finally_ entered the avalanche zone!" Chris whispered over the loudspeaker. "but, with the lead _Maskwak_ has," the camera quick-panned ahead to the other team, "they'll be hard to catch."

The shot cut back to Team Maskwak. "Look, if they're just creepin' along," Duncan whispered to his teammates, "let's just pick up the pace! We can still be quiet if we walk quickly."

"Good idea," Leshawna replied, and the group broke into a power-walk.

A quick-pan back to the right showed Eva looking back over her shoulder. "Crap, they're _gaining_ on us!" she turned and hissed towards her teammates.

"Alright platoon, double-time!" Brick declared, and the music picked back up as the four began to jog over the snowy ground.

The shot cut back to Team Kinosewak as their eyes widened, and they quickly sped up again. The camera jumped backward to show both teams running faster and faster, their breathing and steps getting heavier and heavier. A close-up of the snow-covered slope above them showed it trembling, then the music came to a blaring finish as the shot cut backward and the snow fell down onto both teams.

"Whoa!" Chris said in shock as the scene cut to him and Chef standing just beyond the finish line. "Hey, I think we finally lost someone!" he said, an excited grin forming as he looked to his gaping assistant.

"Not _yet_ we didn't!" came the voice of Sky, Chris looking back to the left in shock before the camera quick-panned over, showing the gymnast digging herself out of the top of the snow with Duncan and Leshawna doing the same on either side of her. Sky and Duncan hopped onto the snowy ridge and slid along it on their backs, while Leshawna hauled Heather out of the snow before doing the same.

Chris gasped, and triumphant music began to play as Sky, Duncan, Leshawna, and Heather all slid under the finish banner. "Team Kinosewak for the win!" he announced through his megaphone, raising his left hand excitedly. "Congrats on _not_ dying," he added, stowing the megaphone as the four Salmons walked over to him.

"Pfft, all in a day's work," Duncan said coolly.

"Yeah...," Heather said in thinly-veiled annoyance, crossing her arms and looking to the side.

The camera cut back to the snow as the four members of Team Maskwak poked their heads up out of it. "We...we lost?" Brick stammered, looking around with wide eyes.

"Yup...looks like it...," Eva replied with a disappointed sigh.

"Aww man...," Owen said, hanging his head sadly along with Brick.

The shot cut in close to Mike as closed his eyes and groaned.

xxx

"Oh no, what do I do _now_?" Mike asked the outhouse camera with a pained and desperate expression. "Eva wants me to vote for _Owen_ ," he motioned with both hands to his left, "and I'm sure the guys are gonna want me to vote for _her_ ," he moved his hands to his right, "but I don't wanna vote for _any_ of them!" he finished, raising his hands above his head before collapsing them onto his knees. He sighed. "But I don't wanna vote for my _self_ , either...not like it would _solve_ anything."

He looked up at the camera with a pitiful look in his eyes. "You ever get that feeling where it's like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, and no matter what choice you make you're gonna end up hurting either a close friend or someone you really admire? But you _have_ to make a choice, so the pressure just keeps on piling up until it's like your head is being squeezed by a giant nutcracker-" he put his hands on either side of his head and pressed hard- "and all you can think about is that if something doesn't happen your head is gonna explode?" he asked, his eyes spinning around in opposite directions.

Mike sighed and lowered his hands. "Cause multiply that feeling by a hundred, and you got me right now," he told the camera, ending with an anxious laugh.

xxx

The static cut away to the usual shot of the moonlit island, the ceremony theme beginning as the camera zoomed forward slightly.

A deep note was struck as the scene cut to the elimination area, the four members of Waneyihtam Maskwak seated in the front row and wrapped in full-body blankets – Eva on the far left, Mike next to her, then Brick, and Owen on the far right. All four were sending nervous looks to the right, and the shot cut to Chris standing solemnly by the fire with a tray of three marshmallows in his hands.

"The following campers are safe," he said, picking up the first marshmallow. "Brick," the shot cut back to the campers as the cadet eagerly stuck a hand out of his blanket and caught his prize, "and _Mike_." The camera panned to the side to show Mike getting shit in the forehead by his marshmallow, startling him out of his thoughtful stupor.

"Which brings us to Eva," Chris said, the shot cutting from him to the anxious Iron Woman, "and _Owen,_ " the boy in question was shown shivering nervously and biting his nails, "who are _tied_."

Eva, Owen, and Brick all gasped in shock. "What? But how?" Owen asked, looking around with hurt eyes that quickly landed on Mike, who was looking away.

"I'm really, really sorry," Mike said, turning an apologetic grimace to his friend. "But after everything that's happened, I just...I wanted to give Eva a _chance_ , okay? It's not _her_ fault we're here."

"Thanks," Eva said, the camera panning over to show her putting a hand on Mike's shoulder and giving him a small smile.

Brick sighed as the camera moved back to him and Owen. "Well, I guess I can't fault you for feelin' that way and wantin' to do this, Mike."

" _I_ can," Owen said, visibly upset. "Why didn't you tell me so I'd be prepared?!" he asked Mike.

"I'm _really_ sorry," Mike told him.

A sharp throat-clearing took caught their attention, and all four looked back to the right. "Regardless of why it came about," Chris said in a serious manner, "it's _still_ time for a tiebreaker." He opened his eyes and smiled. "Chef, bring out the babies again!" he called excitedly to the right.

Team Maskwak groaned as the shot moved to Chef wheeling the carriage full of babies out next to the campfire.

The footage skipped ahead to show Eva and Owen standing on either side of Chris and the baby carriage. "I have things to do, so I'll keep this simple," the host explained. "You two are gonna compete to see how many babies you can balance on your heads before they fall off or start crying. Which," he said with a thoughtful look, "will probably cause them to fall off."

"Isn't that incredibly dangerous?" Brick spoke up. "Uh, for the babies, I mean."

Chris sighed in annoyance. "Chef?" he called to the right, and the camera zoomed out to show the hulking man walking over with a red gym mat slung over each shoulder.

"There ya go," he said as he flopped them down in front of Eva and Owen, "nice and soft."

"Happy?" Chris shot sourly to the side as Chef walked away.

"Well, not really, but-" Brick began to say.

"Whatever," Chris interrupted. "Let's just get this tiebreaker over with. _Go_!" he declared, and Eva and Owen hastily grabbed a baby each and placed it on top of their heads.

A fast-paced yet reverent song began to play over a montage of the challenge, beginning with Owen balancing his first baby and raising the second, followed by Eva gingerly setting her second down atop her first. Brick and Mike were shown watching nervously, then a a close-up of Chris' feet showed him climbing a short stepladder. A vertical split-screen showed babies being placed on each stack, which shifted into a horizontal split that showed a pan down each swaying stack to the nervous eyes of the one balancing it. Then the screen was taken over by a close-up of Chris grabbing another pair of babies from the carriage, followed by him climbing his stepladder with a grim look on his face.

Another horizontal split-screen showed the babies being placed atop their stacks...then the camera pulled back on each side to show the full stacks and the competing campers. Both began to sway ominously, and the screen was taken over by Eva's side as she slid her foot to the left and stuck her arms out, mouth slightly agape as she looked up nervously at her babies – the stack stopped swaying.

Then the camera panned over to Owen as he tried to sway his body to keep his stack from leaning too far to one side. "Whoa-oa-oa!" he said in increasing worry, windmilling his arms slightly and jerking his body to the side after his baby-stack swayed far to the right – and the movement caused it to fall entirely.

"Aww, crap!" he exclaimed, the music stopping and the shot cutting out to show his babies landing on the gym mat in front of him, Eva's stack falling off shortly after.

"And Owen is eliminated!" Chris announced, the shot cutting to Brick and Mike hanging their heads sadly and Eva breathing a sigh of relief...before looking nervously at the ground in front of her.

The shot cut to the eight babies lying on the ground as their lips quivered, and they all started crying at once.

"Aagh!" Chris yelled, putting his hands over his ears. "Quick! Everyone to the cannon!"

/

The screen rotated about itself to show Chris and the four campers gathered at the base of the Cannon of Shame, the crying now replaced by the usual sombre farewell theme. "Well, _that_ was certainly dramatic," Chris remarked. "Into the cannon with you, Owen," he told the portly blond.

"I know," Owen sighed, hanging his head as he walked forward. He stopped in front of Brick and shared a hug. "I'll miss you, man. Tell Duncan goodbye for me."

Brick wiped away a tear as they broke the hug, then saluted. "Will do."

"Oh," Owen leaned in and whispered, "and I'm _totally_ sure he likes you back, so just go for it." He leaned back, revealing Brick's wide eyes and blushing cheeks. He gulped as Owen walked away.

Owen stopped in front of Eva. They stared at each other for a second, then Owen smiled and held out a hand. "You were a strong competitor. It was an honor to do battle with you."

"Same here," Eva replied, shaking his hand.

Mike was the next person Owen reached. "I'm...I'm really, _really_ sorry about this," Mike said, rubbing his arm anxiously and looking down. "Can...can you ever forgive me?" he asked, looking up with a hopeful smile.

Owen sighed and shook his head. "I _want_ to," he said, "but I don't think I _can_ right now. You were my buddy, and even though it's selfish I thought that meant you'd always have my back."

Mike sighed and hung his head in shame. "I know."

The camera followed Owen over to Chris and the cannon. "I'm ready," he told the host.

"It's about time," Chris said in mild annoyance.

/

The footage flashed ahead to show Owen loaded into the cannon. "So long, Total Drama Pahkitew Island," he said with a mostly sombre but slightly overdramatic tone. "It's been fun." He took a deep breath, then as the cannon fired him off into the night let out a loud and wild "WOOOOOOOOOOO~!"

"You know, I might actually miss the guy," Chris admitted as the shot cut back to him and now Chef at the base of the cannon. "He brought a lotta good moments."

"Aww, you really do still care about these kids," Chef said.

Chris snorted. "Hah! As if," he laughed, causing Chef to scowl. "Tune in next time," he told the camera as the capstone theme played, "for _more_ pain, and _less_ fun, right here on Total! Drama! Paaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

Remember how I've been saying the eliminations from now on would be getting more difficult and painful? Yeah, this is what I meant. Owen is a great and incredibly multi-faceted character, and I've truly enjoyed writing him this season. I wasn't exactly happy when I realized he had to be the next one to go...but, well, I couldn't spare...anyone, actually. I really, really wanted to expand on the whole 'Owen helps Brick and Duncan get together' subplot (btw, I'm finally confirming them as one of the main ships this season) but...well, I just couldn't bring myself to cut anyone else even reluctantly. So while it's weird to have Owen as a pre-merge boot in his first season...here we are.

I am pretty proud of how it all went down, though - with Owen's well-intentioned wingmanship getting misinterpreted by both sides, almost causing a powerful alliance to form and giving Eva the impetus to get Mike on her side, even if only a little bit. This...is probably gonna end up being a rather more important elimination to the overall story than Topher's was in canon, I'm just warning you.

Oh, and surprisingly Sky and Eva took their separation fairly well. They didn't like it, but fortunately they didn't really end up having to directly confront one another due to the nature of the challenge. Sorry if it was a letdown, but...well, I had other things to focus on this week, and not enough time or space for a big dramatic conflict with those two. The same thing with any Duncan-Baby humor...there was some, but I kinda feel like there should've been more. Let me know what you all thought.

Anyway, that's it for the pre-merge portion of the game - though the cats doesn't know it yet. I hope you're all looking forward to next week...

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)

Owen - (8th Place)


	9. Chapter 9 - Hurl and Go Seek

**Author's Note**

Hello dear readers, at long last we have arrived at this season's merger episode. It's a pretty...eventful one, if I do say so myself. I hope you're all looking forward to it, but before that there's some reviews to answer.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Looks like you were a little bit too late with your review of episode 7 last week, but no worries - I'll answer both reviews now.  
So, first off, I'm glad you enjoyed the non-elimination episode, as well as Heather's role in general. It's definitely been...interesting to have her be more of a passive villain out of plot necessity rather than intention on her part, but like you said it's allowed me to show more of her being her. And similarly with Eva being in love; it's an unusual role but one I'm enjoying.  
Moving on, I don't think I'm ever not gonna feel a little sad that I had to get rid of Owen last week. I'm a little glad that I was able to do so in a way that you and other accept, but it still feels bad cause I really liked him.  
I'm glad you enjoyed how the different cast affected the flow and feel of last week's episode; I really do think it's those little things that make this series what it is. And while I know you're not really keen on Sky or Duncan, I am glad that you're at least tolerating them.  
Interesting predictions regarding the finale and who it might involve, not to mention what'll happen these next few episodes. Like I've been saying, these are gonna be some pretty tough eliminations to make so things are bound to stay interesting.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Hmm, well, the title for it right now is 'Journey to the Center of Pahkitew Island', but that could change and doesn't describe much. But, well, it's certainly bound to be an exciting episode for you all to see next week.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Yeah, most people didn't I think.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Thanks! I'm glad I was at least able to keep Owen from getting stale, though I think I could've gone another few episodes easily before that started to happen - there's just so much you can do with Owen. So you thought it might have been Mike last week, eh? Well, I'm glad you're glad it wasn't. Interesting prediction...and it'll certainly be an interesting couple of episodes.

 **Animation Adventures:** Yeah, lose-lose definitely describes what happened to Mike last week. Either way he's getting rid of someone he really doesn't want to get rid of. I'm glad you enjoyed my take on the challenge; it just seemed so obvious that Chris intended on bringing in the babies from the start (why else would he even have them ready) that it was easy to set it up without any obvious blame-taker. The Duncan bits were fun, but ultimately I think I just had too much else to do to really focus on him and his baby, but I'm happy that what I was able to include went over well. Not much else to say, other than I guess the whole 'Brick vs Sky as team leader' thing never really went much of anywhere? Well, I didn't know it would when I first introduced the idea, so I guess it's just one of those things that happens.

 **ashDanLand:** Yup, everybody loves Owen alright. Well, in canon and in the Shuffledverse anyway; some people don't like how he was portrayed in the original series which I tend to agree with. I'm glad I was able to make him so much more likeable here, but also portray what might happen when his tendency to make friends gets him into trouble. I'm glad you're enjoying Heather and Leshawna, and i hope you like this week's episode.

 **OMAC001:** Hoo boy, yes it was. I hope you enjoy this week's events.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Hrmm, I guess, but it sure didn't seem like the obvious choice at the time - and I don't agree that he had nothing going for him, it just wasn't much before it had to end. But he will certainly be missed. Anyway, thank you for pointing out that mistake I made and interesting predictions for this week's episode - I hope you like it!

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed the tiebreaker. And...I'd say what's going on between Brick and Duncan is a bit more than just a bromance.

 **PhantomlordJ:** Thank you, and yeah pretty much everything is written with some kind of purpose, even if it's only to showcase a character. Interesting predictions, though keep in mind that everyone left has made the merge since the merge happens this week.

 **jaqwon14:** Hmm...hard to say, to be honest. There's just too many good choices. I think anyone but the RR adults would be interesting, and I don't know if I can make it more specific than that.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Yyyyup, Chris is not a good person in any respect, and this season proves it. Just like in canon, Shuffled!Chris has been getting more and more blatantly awful..and honestly, I have no clue where the babies even came from. But other than that, I'm glad you like the episode even with Owen having to go home.

 **Alpha Omnisphere:** Oh, definitely. And once again, a pretty spot-on assessment of what the cast went through last week.

 **DSX62415:** Hrmm, I guess, but only in a technical sense was it Owen's time to go. But yeah, I think my version of this episode is gonna be better than canon's (not that I was aware it was considered so bad).

 **bruno14:** Well, it was meant to be a tense episode so it's no surprise you were feeling it. Lots of stuff happened like you said, and it's all gonna have consequences as we keep moving through the season. I hope you enjoy what comes next.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Hah, even if Owen HAD stayed around, I never would've had him sing the jingle - that's something that Sugar and Sugar alone can do. And lol, you're just now noticing how gay this season is? I did say in the beginning that neither of the main ships would be het this time around. Anyway, I'm glad you're looking forward to this week's episode.

 **P. T. Piranha:** Good to see you've gotten caught up and are enjoying the story, and I'm super happy to hear that you're a little disappointed with Rodney's elimination as not many people besides me wanted him around a little longer. And...in retrospect, maybe I should have explained the babies a bit. It might've just been due to Chris' and Total Drama's popularity.

 **Joel Connell:** Thanks! It's always good to hear that I'm keeping the characters in-character, and improving upon canon's mistakes. And regarding the placement of the double elimination...that's actually not something I've decided yet. Maybe I'll go with the canon double in episode 10, or maybe I'll use your idea and have it be in episode 11. Episode 10 hasn't been finished yet, so it all comes down to what I feel makes the most sense at the time.

 **link9753:** Yeah, looks like it. Duncan...definitely has a lot of interesting sides to him, though perhaps not as many as Owen. Both need good writing to make the most out of them, though. And honestly, Heather would have totally stuck with the girls' alliance had it actually formed as unless Leshawna decided to split off, they'd be in the majority until the Final Four. And like I told Joel, I may very well decide to only eliminate one person in episode 10 - it all depends on what I feel makes sense at the time of writing the ending.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Honestly, Owen wouldn't have sung the jingle if he'd been around for this episode. It's just such an iconic Sugar moment that it really, really wouldn't work at all with Owen. I am glad you're looking forward to more of Sky and Eva, though.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Fair enough, acceptance is all I can ask for after an elimination like that. Like you said there's a lot to him as a character, and I'm proud to have been able to show that off. As for his damaged friendship with Mike...who knows what the future could bring.  
Yeah, Dave was pretty much always the load - he had a few good moments (the banana in the monkey episode even if it didn't work out), but he was never the most useful teammate. I am very much happy that Eva is different in that respect. And as for Chris and Chef...spot on, my friend. Their development over the seasons, in canon and in here, has been to make Chris more and more nasty and uncaring towards the kids' well-being, while Chef more sympathetic (but also, sadly, less present). It's definitely an interesting dynamic late into the series as we are.

 **TheHungerGames19:** Yeah, it was definitely a shame to eliminate him though I don't really think him, or anyone else, was truly that expendable. But the show must go on. Interesting predictions regarding this week's episode, though I honestly don't know why Svetlana would know of Juggy Chunks. Or why Owen would ever want to sing the jingle even if he DID know of them.

 **graveexcitement:** Mmm...I can kinda see your point, but something just feels off to me about that line of reasoning about Owen's elimination. Especially since I could have easily extended the wingman/matchmaker plot a couple more episodes. But anyway, even if your entire review didn't come through I'm glad you enjoyed the episode and you're excited for the next one.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Oh yeah, that was not a happy ending for most people. I'm glad you enjoyed my take on the challenge, and how I didn't go out of my way to make anyone in particular look bad (like I was gonna do that to Owen...) And yeah, all sorts of interesting things are gonna really start moving now that the merge is here...

 **I. M. Poik:** Fair enough. And...yeah, I guess Duncan always makes the merge. For all his faults, he's pretty good at going deep in the game.

And that, dear readers, is the reviews accounted for. As I always say, **TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

And the teams, though they won't last much longer, are as follows:

Waneyihtam Maskwak: Brick, Eva, Mike

Pimâpotew Kinosewak: Duncan, Heather, Leshawna, Sky

What will the merge bring? You're about to find out.

Enjoy.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 9 – Hurl & Go Seek**

"Last time, on Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Chris began along with the capstone theme, the opening shot of the island unusually showing it at night. The montage began with a flash, the first clip showing Owen chatting with Brick in their room in the bunker. " _Owen_ decided to help _Brick_ with his crush on _Duncan_ ," Owen was shown pushing Brick to eat the rotten egg in Duncan's place, then chatted with Duncan during the challenge. "Which was _destined_ to end well," Chris said with a knowing laugh.

"My insane challenge-" Chef was shown blindly firing his pasta blaster- "put the teams in some _crazy_ -" Team Kinosewak paused in sudden fright as Duncan's baby started crying, waking up one of the nearby lions- " _dangerous_ -" the girls of Kinosewak were catapulted backwards into the air by a large hidden panel- " _situations_ ," Chris explained, ending with a clip of both teams getting caught up in the short avalanche.

"We got to see Duncan's _sensitive side_ ," the host continued as Duncan was shown changing his baby's diaper, then being reluctant to hand it over to the intern at the start of the third zone. "And _Heather_ tried to turn the girls against him and throw the challenge, securing a power-alliance for herself in the future," Chris said as Heather narrowed her eyes at Duncan, then later leading Sky and Leshawna ahead and bringing up the idea of a girls' alliance with them. "Hah, too bad it _failed_ ," Chris laughed as Leshawna rebuffed Heather's plan, then dragged her out of the snow to cross the finish line with Duncan and Sky, winning the challenge for their team.

"It all came down to _Mike_ ," Chris continued over a clip of Mikes anguished final confessional, "torn between loyalty to his friends," the three Maskwak boys were shown chatting and laughing as they returned to the bunker with breakfast, "and to his team," Eva was shown talking to him as she freed him from a blast of pasta. "Mike chose to give Eva a chance," Mike's teammates reacted with shock as the tie was announced, "and Owen was ousted after a baby-filled tiebreaker." Owen was shown losing control of the stack of babies on his head, then launched out of the Cannon of Shame.

"Will Mike take the blame?" Chris asked, the montage ending to show him standing at the elimination area, the starry night sky still behind him. "Only seven remain. Who's next to go? Just watch the show. It's time for Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with an ominous melody and a shot of clouds slowly gathering around the moon. A cut to Waneyihtam Maskwak's bunker was accompanied by an agitated murmuring, and the scene cut inside to show Mike tossing and turning as he slept on his couch. "N...no, Owen, _please_ , I'm _sorry_...," he muttered in his sleep. "I still wanna be _friends_ , I didn't mean to- what?" Something in his dream seemed to shock him. "Eva? No, please, I didn't mean it like that," he pleaded, "I just- Duncan, wait, no, don't be mad! Guys, I'm sorry for voting off Owen, _please_ forgive me! I didn't think I had a choice! Wha-" he tossed around again- "Sky, wait, just listen to me! No," he cringed, "sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice, just...just please, understand where I'm coming from! I'm sorry for what I did, I still wanna be friends with all of you! Owen," he tossed, "Eva," he turned, "Brick, Sky," he brought his ragged blanket up over his face, "Duncan!" he yelped, jumping in his sleep and flailing his arms and falling off the couch.

The shot cut down to him lying face down on the bunker floor with his butt in the air. He half-groaned, half-sobbed, then flopped over with his back to the camera.

/

A deep note played as the scene cut back outside, the music becoming low and trilling as the camera panned slowly and slightly to the right across the bunker. "Ssshhh, sleepyheads!" Chris said lightly over the camp loudspeakers, the camera moving to pan across the nearly-empty girls' side to show Eva sleeping alone, followed by a long-distance shot of one of the island's valleys. "I'm here to turn your dreams, into _nightmares_!" The shot cut next to Pimâpotew Kinosewak's barn. "Picture yourself on a daaaaangerous island," he said, the music beginning to rise sharply as the camera flew slowly into the loft through the open window to show Leshawna, Sky, and Heather sleeping soundly.

Chris blew his airhorn, shaking the barn and jolting the girls awake. "PSYCHE!" he said loudly as the shot cut to one of the loudspeakers.

"Aagh! DUDE!" Duncan yelled in pain as the shot cut to the lower floor of the barn to show him lying under the open side window with his hands on his ears.

"I'm up, sarge!" Brick cried out desperately as the scene returned to the boys' side of the bunker, the cadet standing sleepily at attention while Mike continued to lay motionless on the floor.

"You already _are_ on a dangerous island!" Chris said with a laugh. "Meeting area! NNN _NOW_!"

Brick scratched his head in confusion, then looked at his motionless roommate.

/

The scene flashed forward to a tired and ashamed Mike walking up at the back of the pack of campers. "Hey, what's the big idea voting out _Owen_ , man?" came the sharp and accusing voice of Duncan, causing Mike to stop and look up with wide, fearful eyes as the punk walked over. "I thought you two were cool with each other!"

"I-I can explain!" Mike said quickly, holding his hands up defensively. "I-"

"Oh I'm sure you _can_ ," Duncan interrupted. "But I got _another_ explanation for ya, _pal_." The shot cut to Mike wincing, then back to Duncan as he began whistling the most recognizable part of Edvard Grieg's 'In the Hall of the Mountain King', stopping after a few notes and grimacing expectantly.

Mike winced again, but nothing happened until a dull note played. "Look, I _almost_ wish that was it too," Mike said, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck, "but it wasn't, honest."

Duncan scowled, then snorted. "That's weak, dude," he said, shaking his head. "I thought you were better than that, but I guess I was wrong." Mike hung his head in shame as Duncan turned around, and walked away. The camera zoomed in on Brick as he watched Duncan walk by with a questioning look, then the shot zoomed out to show the cast all lined up in a tired-looking row.

"Alright, what's the deal?" Eva grunted irritably. "Why are we out here, it's the middle of the night!"

"Ugh, if this is some stupid _night_ challenge, I _swear_..." Heather griped.

"Oh _please_ ," Leshawna shot at her, "you'd do it just like the rest of us."

The viewpoint shifted behind the cast peeking out between Heather and Sky to show Chris standing in the distance in front of a large red curtain. "The _reason_ I called you here is because," the host began, "it's time to merge the teams. Consider yourself merged!" he said, raising his arms cheerily.

"Why couldn't that have waited until _morning_?!" Eva yelled irritably, leaning forward but being held back by a single arm from a rather annoyed Sky.

"Hey," Chris shrugged impishly as the camera cut to his close-up, "if you guys don't want the Midnight Merger Meal, then fiiiiine. Go back to bed!"

"You've _never_ done _anything_ nice, _ever_ ," Sky pointed out in angry disbelief. "What gives?" she asked, crossing her arms.

Chris shrugged angrily. " _Fine_ , the lawyers called to say that feeding only _one_ team every couple days was technically ' _starvation_ '. So," the camera jumped back behind the campers, " _this_ is a legally-enforced team merger celebration dinner." The curtain behind him rose to a grand theme, revealing a high-class dining area with a long covered table, high-backed red-and-gold chairs, as well as silver candelabras and chandeliers. The campers cheered in excitement.

The camera began a slow pan across the set-up. "It was _gonna_ be gourmet pizzas, bison burgers, and sweet potato fries," Chris explained, the shot quickly reaching him at the far right end of the table – with Chef and a dining cart bearing a large covered dish. "But, the silk tablecloth and the silver candelabras put us waaaaay over budget. So, tonight, you'll be eating..."

A drumroll began as he motioned to the tray cover, the camera zooming in as Chef moved to lift it. " _Juggy Chunks_!" Chris announced, the drumroll ending in a short fanfare as the cover was lifted on a large glass pitcher of something...frothy, sickly green, and filled with what might have once been meatballs. It was bubbling rather like a swamp.

All seven campers gasped at once, recoiling in horror and disgust. "Eww, what _is_ that stuff?" Heather asked.

"Yeah, I've never heard of Juggy Chunks in my life!" Brick chimed in.

"They're kind of an American thing," Chris explained nonchalantly. "One of the old competitors suggested them."

xxx

Mike began his confessional with a gulp. "Wow, I never thought there'd be a food that _looks_ like how I _feel_ right now...," he said, laughing anxiously and rubbing his arms but ending by hanging his head and sighing sadly.

xxx

"This _fabulous_ dinner will be used as a pre-challenge," Chris explained, the campers now seated and Chris handing out mugs of Juggy Chunks to each one – starting with Brick on the far right end, then Sky, then Leshawna. "The first player to finish their cup of Juggy Chunks will be _safe_ from elimination." As he spoke, the shot cut to the far left end to show Duncan and Mike receiving their mugs, both boys looking warily at the bubbling substance. "Alright, everyone," the boys looked up and to the right and the focus moved back to Chris and Chef, "grab some chunks!"

Chef leaned in towards the host, putting his free hand to the side of his mouth and whispering "This stuff _expired_ in 1976!"

"Oh it'll be _fine_ ," Chris replied, shielding his mouth as well. "They're mostly meat, eggs, and mayonnaise, and I kept them somewhere _very_ warm." He leaned back, extended his right hand towards the off-screen contestants, and smiled. "Ready? Set? Enjoy!" He took out his airhorn, and gave it a sharp blow.

The shot immediately cut to the mug of chunks in front of Duncan, the camera panning up as he shuddered. "Jeez, the stuff they served in _juvie_ was better than this crap," he remarked.

"The stuff they serve _here_ is better than this," Mike added nervously as the camera pulled back.

Duncan gave him a sharp glare. "I wasn't talking to _you_ , traitor," he said, and the shot cut to a close-up of Mike gulping nervously.

xxx

"Yeah, Duncan's pretty mad at me right now," Mike confessed anxiously. "No wonder, he promised to keep my secret and then I voted out his buddy." He sighed and slumped. "I'm _really_ gonna have to win tonight, aren't I?"

xxx

The static cut away to show Brick gulping, then taking a deep breath. "Alright soldier, you can do this," he told himself before taking a swig of the chunks. He put his mug down after a second and forced himself to swallow. "Only a little bit worse than what they served us back at bootcamp," he remarked before taking another swig.

A couple deep notes played as the camera panned left onto Sky, who turned an uneasy look from him to her 'meal'. She pinched her nose and took a swig of her own chunks, then belched wearily with slop still lining her mouth.

xxx

"I've never eaten _anything_ this gross!" Sky explained to the outhouse camera. "Except for that time I was singing while riding my bike and swallowed a butterfly," she added somewhat sheepishly. "Weird that something so _pretty_ could taste that _bitter_."

xxx

"Ugh, I _hate_ Chris and his stupid _nighttime eating challenges_ ," Heather griped, sitting against the wall of the outhouse with her arms crossed and her eyes narrow. "If I lose, it's _his_ fault, not mine. But," she straightened up, "I'm _not_ gonna give up. It's too important for me to have immunity right now so I don't have to worry about _Leshawna_ turning the others against me."

xxx

The challenge resumed with a shot of Heather, her hair tied back into a long ponytail, chugging her mug of chunks. After a few seconds, she lowered her cup and gasped for air. "This is _disgusting_!" she exclaimed in disbelief.

"Hey," Leshawna replied, the camera panning over to show her finishing a chug of her own, "no _shame_ if you can't handle it. Just means Leshawna can win that much more easily!"

Heather growled at her then resumed chugging, prompting Leshawna to scoff and do the same.

xxx

"Like heck I'm lettin' _Heather_ win and give her the chance to convince the others to vote me off," Leshawna told the confessional camera.

xxx

The camera panned left away from Heather and Leshawna, their eyes locked fiercely onto one another as they chugged, and onto Eva. She took a sip of her chunks, shuddered, then took another small sip.

"Disappointing effort, Eva," Chris said as he walked by in the foreground. Eva scowled at him, gritted her teeth in anger, then snarled as she began to chug her mug of chunks.

She only last a couple seconds before her stomach rumbled ominously and Eva was forced to set her mug down, her slop-covered cheeks bulging. She looked to the right, and the shot cut to Brick taking another swig and smiling. "Hey, I think I'm getting used to it!" he said brightly.

Eva shuddered in disgust.

xxx

"Okay, so I'm not good with this kinda stuff," Eva angrily told the outhouse camera. "Is that _funny_ to you? That the girl who can bend iron with her bare hands and jump safely through two panes of fake glass away from an explosion and survive the ten-story fall afterward, would _fail_ because of some stupid eating challenge?! It's called a _training diet_ , come on!" she exclaimed, leaning forward and raising her arms.

xxx

The challenge resumed on a shot of Chris, shaking his head and tutting by the far left end of the table. "You kids are _so_ disappointing," he said. "Need I remind you that with the teams merged, _any_ of you could be voted out tonight unless you win immunity? Cause it doesn't look like you care."

"We're _eating_ as fast as we _can_!" Eva growled angrily, the camera panning over to her.

"I don't think you are," Chris replied, shaking his head again. He walked forward with his hands clasped behind his back, and stopped in front of Mike. "It's a real shame _Owen_ got voted out last time, isn't it?" he said aloud, not looking at Duncan or Mike or Eva though all three looked at him. "He would've been done with this challenge in a flash, and then _none_ of you would have to keep eating Juggy Chunks. Too bad _somebody_ ," he took a step to the right, then turned and shot a brief yet piercing glance at Mike, "decided to vote for him last time."

Mike groaned sadly and slumped forward, banging his head on the table and earning a sharp look from Duncan. Eva simply gave him a piteous look, then turned a glare to Chris as he calmly walked away.

The camera cut ahead to show him passing by Heather, Leshawna, Sky, and finally stopping at Brick. "Pick it up, people, time's a wasting!" Chris said, the shot focusing in on him and the cadet.

"Hey, we're eating as fast as we can!" Brick objected after swallowing a mouthful of chunks. "In fact, I'm almost-"

"Finished!" came the voice of Heather, the camera following everyone's sudden looks back down to Heather, her mouth covered in chunks as she raised her largely-empty mug. Her stomach rumbled ominously, causing her to clutch it and groan.

"Heather wins the pre-challenge," Chris announced, the camera cutting outward to show Eva and Sky still drinking on obliviously, "and has immunity."

" _Yes_!" Heather cheered, raising a fist before doubling over and moaning in pain. Duncan, Mike, Leshawna, and Brick all groaned in disappointment.

"Eva! Sky! You can stop now!" Chris said, the shot cut in close to Sky as she continued to chug.

She finished her 'meal', then stuck out her mug and turned it upside down, uttering a weak "Done!"

The shot cut over to Eva as she forcefully chugged hers down as well, then slammed the mug down on the table, wiped the slop from her mouth, and groaned out "Ugh...done..."

xxx

"To eat that entire cup and _not win_?!" Sky confessed in utter disbelief, clenching her fist and growling in frustration. "I have never been this _angry_ before!"

xxx

"Ugh, why did I have to be such a prideful _idiot_?!" Eva grunted angrily in the next confessional. "I feel like a complete _fool_ , I shoulda just taken the loss and focused on winning the _next_ challenge. _What_ was I _thinking_?!"

xxx

A light, plodding tune started to play as Sky walked over to Eva, both girls now in front of the table. "Grr, I can't believe after all that I didn't _win_!" Sky growled angrily.

"I know!" Eva chimed in. "It's like, why did we even _bother_ finishing the stupid things off?"

"Yeah!" Sky added.

"Sorry," Heather said, the camera following the girls' gaze to the right to show her and Chris standing at the right end of the table. "I guess I just wanted it more," Heather finished with a small smile.

"You take that back!" Sky shouted, moving to lunge towards Heather only for Eva to hold her back.

"Whoa, hey, it's not worth it!" Eva told her friend with a hint of shock in her voice.

xxx

"Jeez, I never thought I'd see the day that _I'd_ have to calm down _Sky_ ," Eva told the outhouse camera.

xxx

Sky was taking deep, calming breaths as the scene cut back to her. "Sorry," she said, "I just can't _stand_ losing like this."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better," Eva said, the camera pulling back to show her arms still around Sky's waist, "you beat me."

"...it doesn't," Sky admitted after a moment, "but thanks anyway." Eva let go of her, and the two walked over to join the rest of the losing campers who were looking at them awkwardly.

"Okay, on that note," Chris spoke up, the camera cutting outward to include him and Heather in the shot, "it's time to introduce our nighttime challenge: _Hide_ , and Group Seek." The focus moved to him and Heather alone, and the background music became tenser. "Heather won immunity, so, _she_ will be ' _it_ '."

Heather snorted. " _Gladly_ ," she said with a smug smile.

"Everyone will be given a head start to go and hide," Chris continued, "then Heather will come and hunt you down. Each person Heather finds," he explained as the camera panned slowly across the other campers, " _and_ tags, joins her to search for the others. You hunt _together_ ," he emphasized, "no splitting up." The shot cut back to him and Heather alone. "Anyone tagged _before_ sunrise will be on the chopping block at elimination. Anyone _not_ tagged by then will _also_ have immunity."

"Yeah? And what happens if _all_ of us evade her until sunrise?" Leshawna asked. "Shouldn't be _hard_ , considerin' who we're up against." The shot cut outward to show Heather scoffing at the look of disdain she was getting.

"Hmm," Chris said, the camera cutting back to his close-up as he rubbed his chin in thought, "a surprisingly good question. In the unlikely event that Heather fails to tag anyone before sunrise, I'm gonna say that _nobody_ gets immunity, not even her."

Heather gasped. "But I _won_ the _pre-challenge_!"

"Yes, but I wanna shoot one of you kids out of the cannon later," Chris countered, "and I'm not gonna rely on _you_ to make that happen." Heather clenched her fists and growled in irritation. "Hey, just think of it as a little extra motivation."

"Oh I'm _motivated_ alright," Heather snapped. "Motivated to make sure everyone loses this but _me_. And I'll be going after _Leshawna_ first. Shouldn't be too hard with that _booty_ of hers," she said with a devilish smile, the camera cutting from her to her rival.

Leshawna snorted. "My _booty_ can hide just fine, thank you very much."

xxx

"Now that the teams are merged and Owen's gone," Leshawna confessed, "I _was_ gonna give Heather's 'girl alliance' idea another chance. You know, keep your friends close and your enemies closer? But if _that's_ how Heather's gonna act?" Leshawna said, staring at the camera and shaking her head. "Nuh-uh, she can forget it. She's just lucky she probably has immunity."

xxx

"Well, now that everyone's clear on what they're doing, it's _game time_!" Chris said delightedly. "Everyone but Heather," he took out his airhorn, "go hide!" A close-up showed his horn being blown, and a tense bit of music played as Brick, Duncan, Sky, and Eva all ran off into the woods.

The focus moved to Leshawna as she smirked, turned around, and shook her behind from side to side. "Get one last look at my booty," she taunted, "cause it's the last you're gonna see of it till _mornin_ '." She ran off, and the shot cut to Heather rolling her eyes in disdain.

"Pfft, whatever," she murmured before noticing something back on the left. "Uh? Mike? Hello?" The shot cut to the boy in question, his head hung thoughtfully. "You...in there, buddy?" Heather asked, walking over slowly with a smile on her face. "Cause...if you're staying here to make sure I get immunity, then thanks."

Mike looked up in sudden surprise, his face blank. "Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry, just thinking about some things. I'll be going now, sorry." He ran off, and the camera moved back to Heather as she huffed in disappointment.

xxx

"Yyyyeah, I've...not been feeling so hot ever since I basically stabbed Owen in the back," Mike admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "But...even though I think just about everybody hates me now, I still wanna try and continue on with the game. That's, I mean, that's what I came here for, right?" he asked anxiously. He sighed, closing his eyes and putting his hands on his knees. "At any rate, I seriously have to win this challenge tonight or I'm toast. So...here's hoping I can ignore my crushing guilt and pull through with a win!" he finished with an awkward smile.

xxx

A low, plodding tune played as the scene resumed on Heather and Chris at the dining area. "So...," Chris began awkwardly as the camera cut in closer, "how 'bout them Juggy Chunks, eh?"

"You're lucky I don't _throw them up_ on you," Heather shot at him.

Chris was momentarily taken aback, but quickly scowled. "Yeah, do it and you're cannon food."

"Hey, I never said I was _going to_ ," Heather replied with a sickly sweet smile. The camera jumped outward as the two were silent for a moment, before Heather said "So how long is that head start anyway?"

The host checked his watch. "Not short enough," he muttered. He walked to the left past Heather, then cleared his throat before yelling "Here comes Heather!" and blowing his airhorn again.

" _Finally_ ," Heather said before running off.

"So the hunt begins," Chris said over a shot of Heather running into the forest. "Anyone Heather finds _before_ sunrise is up for elimination," he told the camera as it moved back to him.

/

The music became fast and intense as the scene flashed to Brick and Duncan running through the forest together. "Dude, I am _so_ glad the teams merged so we can finally work together," Duncan said.

"Same here," Brick said, the camera cutting in close. "With the two of us working together, why if we play our cards right I bet we can go all the way to the finale!"

"Heck yeah, dude!" Duncan laughed before abruptly becoming serious. "But seriously, we gotta be careful from here on out. Right now I'm thinkin' we get the girls to vote for Mike with us, dude has it comin' for what he did to Owen."

Brick frowned as the camera moved back to him. "C'mon, Duncan, I don't like what he did either but I don't think we should be too harsh on him. He had his reasons."

Duncan snorted. "So? Mike trusted me with a _major_ secret of his, then turned around and voted off one of my best buds! I just can't trust the guy anymore."

"W-well, I guess I can't blame you for feelin' so mad then," Brick told him. "But on the other hand, I think we should really start focusin' on the challenge. We gotta find somewhere safe to hide out here in the d-d-d-dark!"

The camera cut outward to show the two boys disappearing into a dark, dense part of the forest...

/

A flash, and the view moved to Leshawna as she crept along through the woods. "Alright, now how am I gonna do this?" she asked herself, eyes darting around. "All I _really_ gotta do is avoid Heather, and that means I just gotta keep movin'. Hah!" she barked out a laugh as the camera cut in closer. "Who needs to hide when the seeker's got no stamina? Heck, I could probably even hang around right behind her, and as long as I didn't make a sound she'd never know I was there!"

The shot zoomed back out as Leshawna slowed down, a thoughtful look on her face. "Hmm...it _would_ feel good to beat her soundly like that," she said to herself. "But nah," she stuck out a hand and shook her head, "it's too risky. Better to just keep movin' and keep ahead of her," Leshawna decided as she began to walk again.

"And stop talkin' to myself, too," she added, the camera cutting outward just as her stomach growled ominously and she stopped in her tracks again.

xxx

"Urgh...," Leshawna groaned, her complexion ashy and her hands clutching her stomach. "Okay, maybe I won't keep movin' after all," she said. "Feels like those Juggy Chunks are doin' a number on my insides, I'm gonna have to find a place to hide and hope it passes..."

xxx

The static cut away to show Mike leaning with his back against a tree, breathing heavily and wiping the sweat from his brow. "Okay. You can do this," he told himself. "Just...stop thinking about Owen, and _start_ thinking about how you're gonna win this challenge."

The camera jumped back and up several yards, looking down at him from the branch of a tall tree. His brow shot up as he noticed it, and the shot cut back to him as he gave a small smile. "Maybe I can hide in the trees?" A sudden gurgling from his stomach caused him to wince and double over. "Okay, maybe I can't," he said weakly. "But...I know somebody who can!" A triumphant tune played as he took a deep breath and spread his arms out wide, even standing up on his toes. The music stumbled and he nearly lost his balance, opening his eyes and windmilling his arms in shock. Only then did he inhale again, his eyes losing focus before snapping back to attention, his features becoming more feminine.

"Hmph," Svetlana sniffed, crossing her arms. "You think you can just boss Svetlana around, yes? No! Svetlana is _insulted_ ," she spat. "You feel so much guilt for that big boy with no discipline and poor form, yet you do not apologize to Svetlana for the snubbing from the hoodlum? _Hah_! Svetlana laughs at you, and will not help." She nodded curtly, then inhaled sharply.

A few deep, ominous notes played as Mike's features returned. He looked around, then groaned and slumped down against the tree with his head in his hands.

/

The scene abruptly cut to Chris watching a live feed of Mike on his widescreen TV. "Looks like Mike's been snubbed by _himself_ ," he said as the capstone theme began. "Who'll successfully hide, and who'll take the cannon ride? Find out when we come back, to Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!" A few storms clouds rumbled as the camera cut progressively outward.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

A deep note was struck as the episode resumed, the scene fading into a vacant stretch of forest. "Eurgh...," Sky groaned as she and Eva walked on-screen from the right, both looking pale and sickly. "Is it _normal_ to feel this bad after running while angry?" Sky asked.

"No...," Eva replied.

"Well...whatever it is, we should probably find a place to hide so we can catch our breath," Sky said as the two came to a stop.

"Good plan," Eva said, looking around. "How 'bout there?" she asked, pointing off to the left; the shot quick-panned over to show a large bush.

The camera zoomed in slightly as Sky and Eva walked up to it. "Good enough for me," Sky said weakly. "I think we covered a lot of ground before Heather started moving, so we should be good for awhile..." she said as she stepped into the bush.

Eva grunted in agreement as she followed after Sky, and the point-of-view promptly moved inside the bush to show the two girls huddled close together in the space between the branches.

"This is a lot smaller than I thought it was gonna be..." Sky commented, hugging her knees in the left half of the space..

"Oh, I can leave if you want," Eva suggested bashfully, wedged next to her in the right half.

"No no, it's okay," Sky told her. "You spotted this place, you deserve to hide here too."

"Thanks..." Eva said with a faint blush. A touching tune played as they looked at one another and smiled...only for both of their stomachs to suddenly growl, causing them to groan in pain.

xxx

"You know, it's kinda _weird_ ," Sky thought aloud in the outhouse confessional. "If I didn't feel so sick, I think I'd actually _enjoy_ being huddled up next to Eva..."

xxx

The static cut away to show Leshawna sitting behind a bush, the background music low and slow and tense. A branch snapped somewhere in the distance, and Leshawna started to gasp – only to quickly cover her mouth. With wide and fearful eyes she looked up at the top of the bush, and the camera moved over it to show Heather standing several yards beyond it.

"Come out, Leshawna!" she called out in an almost sing-song voice. "I _know_ you're there. You can't hide from me forever." The camera briefly cut back to her prey before returning to a close-up of the hunter. Heather sighed and shook her head. "Sneaky, sneaky Leshawna... You know, I shouldn't be surprised you're this good at this. It _is_ deception, after all, and that's what girls like us are best at. _Deception_ ," she repeated with a smug smile.

The shot cut back to Leshawna, her hands still clamped over her mouth but her brow now furrowed angrily.

"Oh, you might _pretend_ you're the perfect little angel sticking up for everyone," Heather continued, the shot cutting back to show her pacing around the same part of the woods, checking around trees and rocks and bushes. "But your _actions_ make it plenty clear that you're as crafty as I am. All you care about is getting ahead, and doing whatever you can to take out your biggest threat – _me_." She motioned to herself with a proud smile. "Feel free to stop me if I'm wrong," she taunted with a sly smile, "but I fail to see how _you_ trying to talk people into alliances is any different from _me_ talking the boys into alliances. Well, other than the fact that _I_ don't see anything wrong with you doing it since it's just playing the game."

A sudden rustling to the side caught her attention, causing her to grin and silently creepy over to a large bush. She paused when a pair of eyes looked out at her.

"Run, dude!" Duncan yelled, popping out of the bush with Brick. The two boys ran off, leaving the camera to linger on a stunned Heather.

"Well, it's not who I _wanted_ , but I'm not complaining," she said to herself, quickly smirking and chasing after her new prey.

The camera pulled back and panned to the side to show Leshawna again, lowering her hand and breathing a sigh of relief.

/

"Thanks for the info," Chris said, talking on his cellphone as the scene abruptly cut to him, Chef, and their television showing the challenge feed. The person Chris was talking to said something, and he replied " _Very_ helpful." They said something else, and Chris ended the call. "Well, you were right," he told Chef. "According to the Juggy Chunks Poison Hotline, the kids should _not_ have eaten expired Juggy Chunks. They might have severe nausea, vomiting, strange behavior, and, hallucinations!"

"And that makes you _happy_?" Chef asked in disbelief.

"I'm just impressed they have their own poison hotline," Chris replied. "That just shows you how much these Juggy people care," he added as a touching melody played.

/

A deep, ominous tune played as the scene returned to a much paler Mike, still sitting against a tree and clutching his stomach. He groaned, then looked up with bleary eyes as a raccoon hopped over and looked at him curiously. The viewpoint became Mike's as he looked back at the raccoon, his vision suddenly blurring and the form of the raccoon shifting into that of a very small but very angry Owen. 'He' opened his mouth and chittered at Mike, his expression furious but his tone neutral.

The shot cut back to a sideview of Mike as he yelped in fear and threw his hands up over his head. "Owen! I'm sorry! I'm so, _so_ sorry!" he screamed, startling the raccoon into running away. After a moment Mike lowered his hands, looked up, and rubbed his eyes. "Oh man...this guilt is _seriously_ becoming too much to handle," he said wearily.

He groaned and stood up. "Guess I have no choice then," he said, the camera cutting in to show him pulling a scrunched-up slouch hat out from behind his back, and opening it with a flick of his wrist. "Alright Manitoba," Mike said wearily as he raised the hat above his head, "I'm counting on you."

The hat was pulled down, and immediately the body's features shifted into the overconfidence of Manitoba Smith. "Alrighty then, no problem. I'll find us an ace hiding spot before ya can say 'didgeridoo'," he laughed.

He took two steps to the left before his stomach growled painfully, forcing him to stop and clutch. "Whoa, now hold on just a minute!" he said almost angrily before groaning in pain. "This ain't just guilt, this is somethin' else..." He stuck his arm out and checked his own pulse, then felt his forehead and gasped. "We've got food poisoning! No _wonder_ I feel so awful," he said, raising a finger to his lips thoughtfully, "if _this_ is the pickle we're in. Well," the camera pulled back as he stood up straight and proud, "it ain't my cuppa tea, but I'll power through it like a _man_ all the same."

As he moved to continue on left his stomach growled again, causing him to stumble and trip. The shot cut in close to show his head slamming to the ground, knocking the slouch hat off. A sudden gust of wind caught it, and an ominous tune played as it tumbled down a nearby slope. The shot panned back up and over to reveal Mike with his eyes wide open as he watched the hat roll away, and he collapsed back to the ground with a pained groan.

"Nnnn...I can't do this...by myself," he moaned. "No choice left...," he said, breathing heavily as he forced himself back onto his feet. "You're my last hope, tough guy..."

The shot zoomed in as he pulled his shirt up and over his head, a familiar hard rock leitmotif beginning with the usual sharp inhalation. The camera panned down to show Vito looking around with a dull, mildly annoyed expression for a moment before he cupped a hand around his mouth and yelled out "Yo, Anne Maria! Where you at?"

/

The music turned fast and tense as the scene flashed back to Duncan and Brick running through the forest, both boys looking pale and sickly. "Dude," Duncan panted, "I _really_ don't feel good."

"F...feel the burn, Duncan," Brick replied with a pant of his own before looking back over his shoulder and widening his eyes in shock. "We gotta, she's catching up!"

"Seriously?!" Duncan replied in disbelief as he looked over his own shoulder, and the camera promptly panned back to the right to show Heather running towards them.

"Don't think I'm _slow_ in these shoes," she called out, breathing heavily and looking sick as well, "cause I can keep this up for _hours_!"

The shot cut back to Duncan and Brick looking at each other in distress. "Dude, I can't believe I'm saying this," Duncan said, "but I don't think I can keep this up forever!"

"M-me neither," Brick added. "I just don't get how we lost so much stamina so _quickly_!"

"It's gotta be those-" Duncan began to say before the camera jumped outward, and a sharp note accompanied him slamming straight into a tree. Brick ran into him shortly after. "Juggy Chunks..." Duncan groaned in pain.

A yell rose up, and moments later Heather slammed into the boys. "Urgh... _tag_...," she mumbled after the boys groaned in pain. All three stumbled back away from the tree, and the shot cut in closer as they fell to the ground.

"S...so...," Heather said weakly, giving her head a shake and smiling as the camera switched to a close-up. "Now that you guys have to help me find the others so you aren't the only two without immunity...how about we form an alliance?"

The shot cut back outward to show Brick and Duncan groaning in pain.

/

"Urgh," Vito groaned, a hollow sound playing as the scene moved back to him clutching his stomach, "I feel like I just ate too much of a bad batch of Uncle Vinny's chili..." He started walking to the right, looking around with one hand still on his bare stomach as the other held his shirt slung over his shoulder. "Yo, where's everybody at?" he shouted into the dark forest. He stopped suddenly, and grinned. "Anne Maria!" he said excitedly, and the viewpoint shifted to his to show a rather blurry image of the long-eliminated Jersey girl off in the distance. Vito promptly ran towards it, the perspective changing back to his as he got closer and closer to his dream girl...who promptly melted away revealing a tree where she had been.

A metal clang resounded through the woods as a side shot showed Vito colliding with it. He stumbled back a few steps...and a strange panel of what looked like bark trembled, then dropped clear away. "What the...?" Vito mumbled as the camera zoomed in on the strange circuit board that was underneath, an airy and mysterious tune playing in the background.

"Ey yo," Vito turned and called out, "who's the wise guy that put some kinda freakin'...," he turned back and put a finger to his lips, his eyes looking up and down the strange portion of the 'tree'. "...weird tree out here?" he turned and finished.

A sharp note played as he stood straight up with a sudden jolt, a painful growl from his stomach quickly causing him to double over. "Ooh, this ain't..." he began before his cheeks suddenly bulged, and he vomited onto the exposed circuitry causing it to spark and smoke. "This ain't _good_...," Vito finished, collapsing to his hands and knees. "Vito doesn't _do_ barfin'. I'm out...," he said, and as soon as he took one last sharp breath in his body trembled and collapsed onto its belly.

Mike groaned in pain the moment his hair spiked back up. "Vito...no...not you too...," he moaned in close-up before abruptly taking another gasping breath.

His lips curled inward and his eyes clenched more tightly shut. "Aww, you lazy buncha good-fer-nuthins!" Chester griped. "What're you even _here_ for if yer not gonna help?" His stomach growled in pain, causing him to groan and curl up into a fetal position. "Then again, I ain't much good here either, so...toodle-oo!" He gave a weak wave goodbye, then gasped for air.

Mike groaned in pain again, and rolled onto his other side. The music rose up ominously, the camera panning onto the sparking circuitry of the exposed 'tree', then outward and upward to show lightning flashing from the storm clouds that had been gathering, and rain beginning to fall...

/

The scene flashed to Sky and Eva standing up out of the bush they'd hidden in, the music still tense and the rain now pouring. "Okay, I think it's finally time to find a better place to hide..." Sky said, clutching her stomach in pain.

"There's...some caves...nearby...," Eva said, pointing off to the left and grunting in pain every few words.

"Let's go while we still can...," Sky said, and the two started trudging off to the left.

/

Another flash took the scene back to Heather, Duncan, and Brick. "So...you two want _Mike_ gone, huh?" Heather asked weakly as she led the two boys through the rainy woods. "Fine with me, though we'll need someone _else_ to make it work."

"Whatever," Duncan grunted. "I just want Mike to _pay_ right now, I don't care how it happens."

"W-well," Brick stuttered, "I can't say I like how harsh we're being...but I'm fine voting out Mike too if it comes down to it. And, uh, I might be able to get Sky or Eva onboard with it too."

"Good," Heather smiled, "I think I can help you with that. And in return for helping you two get rid of Mike, I want you two to help _me_ get rid of Leshawna."

Duncan snorted, then groaned in pain. "Yeah, no surprise there," he finally said. "One bossy, scheming chick wants the other bossy, scheming chick gone. Fine with me."

Brick looked at him, then at Heather. "Uh, fine with me too I guess," he said.

"Awesome," Heather replied, giving them a weak but cheery smile.

The background music became low and tense as the camera slowly pulled back, eventually revealing Leshawna listening in on them from behind a large tree. "Oh no," she whispered angrily as the shot cut in close, "you are _not_ gettin' rid of me like that, no way."

/

Lightning cracked as the scene flashed back to Mike, still curled up on the ground in the pouring rain with his back to the camera and his hair plastered to his head. The camera slowly zoomed in as he began to sob, and a single long, drawn-out note on a pipe organ took over the music. "What was I _thinking_ coming on this show?" Mike berated himself, another long organ note opening for a new song – slow and dark and ominous unlike almost any other. "I was never gonna _win_ , I was never gonna do _anything_ good! All I've done is stab one of my so-called 'friends' in the back and get food poisoning like an _idiot_. Everyone _totally_ hates me now, and I'm just gonna get voted off..."

He let a few more sobs, and lightning flashed above him, and the music rose slightly in pitch and tempo. "I can't go _on_ like this...," he moaned. "I'm too _pathetic_..." A few more sobs. "I just...I just wanna _disappear_ right now...I don't _deserve_ to be here, I don't _deserve_ anyone's help. But...," he groaned and curled inward slightly as his stomach growled, "oh God, I _need_ it. I can't _take_ this anymore," he sobbed, "I just want somebody to _help_ me!"

" _Anybody_...," Mike moaned, and the camera slowly began to pull back as he descended into pure sobbing...

Lightning flashed and thunder cracked again, the organ music getting louder as the sobs shifted into low, dark laughs.

Then, all at once, the music cut out. "Well, well, well...," said a low-dark voice to fit the laughs, slow and smug and almost seeming to reverberate in the air. "It's about time..."

The voice began to laugh again, loudly and forcefully enough for the body lying in the mud to shake. As he did the organ music rose back up as well, playing the first seven notes of the most recognizable part of 'In the Hall of the Mountain King' and holding the last one.

Lightning flashed, and The Malevolent One was gone.

/

"Whoa!" Chris said in shock as the scene cut back to him and Chef watching the live feed, the long-banged intern holding an umbrella over him. "I don't know what _that_ was about, but it sure seems exciting." He turned a smiling face to the camera. "As morning grows closer, this challenge is getting _reeeeally_ entertaining. I wonder if there's a way to accidentally poison these kids before every challenge?" he asked aloud.

Chef shook his head and gave a light groan of disgust and disappointment.

"No?" Chris asked him. "Meh, you're probably right. It would lose its charm after awhile."

/

The scene flashed to Sky and Eva sitting on rocks in the mouth of a cave. The sound of splashing water and tired groans caught their attention, and Eva looked to the right. "Crap," she said, standing up. "Heather's coming!" The camera quick-panned to the right, showing Heather, Brick, and Duncan trudging towards them through the rain. "We gotta move!" Eva told Sky as the shot cut back to them.

Sky groaned, tried to stand up, but immediately sat back down. "I don't think I _can_..." she said in close-up.

Eva grunted off-screen, then grabbed Sky by the arm. The camera pulled back as she slung the smaller girl onto her back, and Sky yiped. "What are you _doing_?" she asked weakly, gripping Eva around the neck.

"Trying not to let us _lose_ ," Eva replied, grabbing Sky's knees so she was fully piggyback then trudging out of the cave and to the left. The camera lingered in place, and moments later Heather, Brick, and Duncan walked past it.

"Almost...got 'em..." Heather said weakly, and the two boys grunted.

The camera panned back to Eva and Sky, the music becoming tenser as Sky looked back. "Eva, I don't think this is gonna work," she said, the shot cut in close then panning down to show Eva sweating and breathing heavily. "Just drop me and escape, you can make it on your own!"

"No," Eva grunted.

"But why?" Sky asked weakly. "You can win without me!"

"I don't care," Eva said as the camera moved back to her. "I'm not throwing you away to get ahead."

"That's..." Sky smiled softly as the shot cut back close to her, "really sweet of you, Eva."

"Thanks," Eva said, a touching tune playing as she smiled...until her stomach grumbled painfully, causing her to stumble, trip over a rock, and fall face-first into the mud. "Crap..."

Heather, Brick, and Duncan arrived moments later, and Heather groaned as she crouched down and touched both fallen girls. "There," she panted, " _finally_. Just...Leshawna and Mike left..."

/

A grand and dramatic song began to play as the scene flashed to a foot splashing in a puddle, the camera pulling back to show Leshawna walking towards the right despite her sickness. "Okay," she panted, "Heather's gone and probably tagged just about everyone by now... So if they're all out here lookin' for _me_...then I...just gotta double back to camp where they won't expect me and I'll be golden."

She skidded to a halt a few seconds later when she came across something lying in the mud. "What the?" she murmured softly, the shot zooming in as she bent down and picked up what was soon revealed as Mike's slouch hat. "Hold on," Leshawna said, her brow furrowed as the camera pulled back out, "this belongs to...oh, what's his name... _think_ , Shawnie, _think_!" she berated herself, rubbing her temple with her free hand. "That arrogant womanizer _Manitoba_!" she said in sudden realization, brightening up for a brief moment before frowning thoughtfully at the hat. "Mike musta dropped it...," she said, looking up at the slope in the background.

Leshawna shook her head. "No time to check, I gotta worry about my _own_ behind."

"Aww, it's so _disappointing_ to hear that from you, Leshawna," came a deep and almost taunting voice that made Leshawna freeze in mid-step. She turned around, and the viewpoint became hers as it panned onto a silhouette with a wide, dark grin. Leshawna yelped in surprise as the music spiked, and the camera jumped back out to show the figure take a step out of darkness – Mike, or his body anyway; his right side was muddy, his hair had been plastered down by the rain so that it covered his left eye, and his other eye had a dark bag under it.

"Oh! It's just you," Leshawna said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Heheh, I didn't see you there," she explained with an awkward chuckle. "And, uh, sorry about what I said, I figured we're _both_ in too bad a shape to help each other. But, uh, to make it up to you, how 'bout an alliance? You just tell me who to vote for, and I'll do it."

xxx

"Hey, it might _seem_ a little opportunistic," Leshawna confessed, "but if I don't end up winning immunity then I'm gonna need an ally. And it's not like I wasn't gonna ask him for one later."

xxx

"Hmm...," he said in close-up, rubbing his chin and staring at a hopeful Leshawna, "sure, why not?" he finally answered in an odd tone, sly with just the barest hint of condescension. "I'm thinking we get rid of _Duncan_."

"Fine with me," Leshawna replied before pausing in sudden thought. "Hey, is there somethin' wrong with your voice?"

He raised an eyebrow as the shot cut back to him. "Good question," he said in a slow, deliberate tone as he looked down and felt his throat. "Maybe it's the food poisoning?"

"Guess it's gotta be," Leshawna said, putting her hands on her stomach. "It's been makin' _me_ feel all-" she grunted in pain, doubled over slightly, and raised her left leg- " _sorts_ of weird..." He just stared at her with disdain, though it went unnoticed. "Oh, by the way, this is yours, right?" Leshawna asked, putting her foot down and handing over the hat.

"Gee, thanks," he replied with a hint of dry sarcasm, looking away as he took the hat and shoved it into his pants pocket. "I guess I must've dropped it."

Leshawna gave him an odd, squinting look, then gave her head a few shakes and briefly glanced back to the left. "Well, we better get goin'," she told him, pointing a thumb over her shoulder. "I wanna get back to camp quickly in case Heather and the others circle back this way."

"Lead on," he replied, and the two walked off.

The camera pulled back a little ways as it followed the two through the forest. "So, uh, if you don't mind me askin'," Leshawna spoke up after a moment and pausing to groan, "why vote out Duncan? You two really fall out that badly after the Owen thing?"

"Pretty much," he replied in an almost bored tone, the shot cutting in close as he suddenly grinned, then bent down to pick up a large broken branch.

Leshawna groaned again, and the camera panned back up to her. "Right. Sorry if I'm ramblin'," she said, "I can barely even _think_ right now."

"Oh yeah," he replied, the music rising ominously as the camera panned back over to show him raising the branch over his head like a club and grinning darkly, "food poisoning can _seriously_ mess you up..."

A flash of lightning took over the scene, and in the dark Leshawna cried out in pain as wood splintered. The scene returned to an overhead shot of her falling into the mud unconscious, the broken branch dropped on top of her. Then the camera rotated up to show her fellow camper standing over her, chuckling darkly.

xxx

He opened the confessional by looking around at the walls of the outhouse, then scoffing dismissively. "I have no desire to get _close_ to anyone out here," he told the camera, is voice just as deep and dark and reverberating as it had been outdoors. "Forming an alliance in a game like this is just opening yourself up to being stabbed in the back," he said idly as he traced a carving on the wall with his finger, "which would hurt Mike _very much_. So in order to protect him, I'm afraid _I'll_ have to do the backstabbing first." He formed a fist, and smiled lightly at it. " _Gladly_ ," he said, punching the wall and cracking the wood.

"It's my duty," he told the camera, smirking and shrugging. "I protect _Mike_ from other people, and _other people_ from _Mike_ ," he finished in a much more serious tone.

xxx

A few deep an ominous notes played as the scene returned to Heather, Brick, Duncan, Eva, and Sky trudging through the woods and groaning in pain. "Where _are_ they?" Heather asked in frustration.

The music spiked as Eva was suddenly hit in the back of the head with a clod of mud, causing her to stumble forward then turn around angrily. "Who threw that?!" she yelled before clutching her stomach and groaning in pain. The camera pulled back a little ways to show Heather and the boys still stumbling forward obliviously, and a familiar grinning silhouette dart between the trees in the background.

Moments later the shot cut in close to Heather grunting in confusion and looking back, just in time to receive a face full of mud. "Urgh! Who _did_ that?!" she roared furiously wiping the mud from her face.

The camera pulled back again to show everyone stopped and looking around. "Musta been...Mike or Leshawna?" Brick guessed.

"Both," Sky said weakly with a shake of her head. "No way _one_ could move that much faster than us right now."

As she spoke the grinning silhouette leaned out from behind a tree nearby, and the camera zoomed in on him.

xxx

"Not unless they thrive on _misery_ like I do," he explained to the outhouse camera with his same dark grin.

xxx

"Well, let's just go get 'em," Duncan grunted, trying to punch his open palm but hitting his arm instead and wincing in pain.

"No...," Heather spoke up, shaking her head. "They're not that stupid...they won't show themselves. It's gotta be...interns," she panted, "showing us where to go. This way," she said, pointing weakly in the direction they'd come from and trudging off. The other followed as she passed them by, all five groaning in pain and exhaustion...

/

Another set of deep notes played as the footage skipped ahead, the scene returning to Leshawna as the silhouette of her assailant darted by in the background. Moments later Heather and the other poisoned campers arrived, and looked with surprise upon her fallen form.

"Whoa, wha...what happened to her?" Sky asked.

"I don't care," Heather replied, her face falling into a tired scowl as she kicked her rival lightly in the leg. "Tag."

Leshawna groaned, and the shot cut in closer as she pushed herself up onto her arms, the broken branch falling off her back. "Wha...?" she mumbled, blinking wearily. "Mike?"

"Nope," Heather replied shortly, the camera pulling back as she walked past. Leshawna let out a loud, frustrated groan and dropped back onto the muddy ground. "Whatever," Heather said. "Just get up, we don't have much time left before..."

Chris stuck his hand in front of the camera and blew his airhorn.

"Dawn...," Heather finished, slapping her face as the others groaned.

"Game over!" Chris announced as a light but victorious tune played, stepping into view with a smile on his face. "Mike has _also_ gained immunity! Now, everyone back to the meeting area," he told the campers, the shot refocusing on them as he walked away. "We need to pump your _stomachs_..."

The campers groaned again, and the camera quick-panned over to show The Malevolent One in the shadows leaning against a tree. "Mission accomplished," he said with a devious smirk.

/

The usual elimination theme began to play as the scene moved ahead a little while, the rain long gone and the sun just peaking above the horizon. "Heather and Mike won their immunity," Chris said before the shot cut to the firepit, all seven campers waiting on the seats. "And, after the voting, Eva, Sky, and Brick are _safe_ ," Chris continued, the three in question catching the marshmallows tossed their way. "That leaves Duncan and Leshawna," he said, the shot briefly cutting to him and Chef before returning to the campers.

Both Duncan and Leshawna snorted from the left end of seats. "I'm not surprised," Leshawna said, turning a glare toward Heather. "Somebody has been out to get me since day _one_."

"Yeah, cause _somebody_ has been _on my case_ since day one," Heather retorted from the right end of the front row, crossing her arms defiantly.

"Yeah, cause you're a sneaky, conniving little-" Leshawna's next word was bleeped out but it shocked nobody- "who's blatantly untrustworthy!"

"And you're _not_?" Heather shot back. "You've been scheming and strategizing just as much as _I_ have, so don't give me any of this high-and-mighty _garbage_."

"Oh, don't you be givin' me that 'we're not so different' crap again," Leshawna said, wagging her finger threateningly. "I actually _care_ about people," she said, standing up and motioning to the others. "I comforted Anne Maria and Rodney when they were feelin' down, I made a genuine connection with _Sky_ when she was alone on the team," the shot cut to the girl in question sitting next to Eva with a soft but slightly awkward smile on her face. "I didn't just try and use them for _votes_ like you did. I'm not just some fake little _gamebot_ who's only here to win."

"And yet you've _still_ been playing the game almost as much as _I_ have," Heather countered angrily. "I'm not _stupid_ , I _know_ you're the only other person out here besides me who's been actively trying to form alliances," she said, and a flat note played as Leshawna stiffened in shock. "So just sit your booty back _down_ and wait to be eliminated."

Leshawna scowled. "That ain't gonna happen," she said as she reluctantly sat back down. "Cause unlike you, people actually _like_ me." She turned her head toward the back row, and the camera panned over to Mike, Eva, and Sky – the two girls sharing a look, and Mike – his hair and eyes back to normal - just looking confused.

xxx

"Hey, Leshawna's not far off," Eva admitted with a shrug. "Heather _did_ ask me and Sky to vote for her tonight, but since Mike saved my butt last night and Duncan's on his case, we decided to help Mike and Leshawna vote _him_ off instead."

xxx

Mike opened the next confessional with a sigh. "Okay, this is gonna sound bad because it probably is, but I have _no idea_ how I won the challenge," he told the camera. "The last thing I remember before Chef woke me up was trying to find a hiding spot, but..." He gripped the side of his head and groaned as he shook it. "After that, my memory's all blurry! I don't even know who I _voted_ for!"

He sagged. "I know Heather asked me to vote for Leshawna, while Leshawna seemed to think we were gonna vote for Duncan, but...who I went with is a total blank!" He groaned and shook his head again. "This isn't good..."

A sharp inhalation, and his spike of hair fell down over his now-baggy eyes. "Oh but it _is_ ," his deep-voiced alter said with an evil smirk. "One side just made a much more _convincing_ argument," he laughed. "So just sit back and leave all the tough decisions to your old buddy _Mal_..." he said, leaning back contentedly with his hands behind his head and one leg crossed over the other. He whistled the most familiar phrase from 'In the Hall of the Mountain King', trailing off at the end before the feed cut to static...

xxx

"It was close," Chris said, the elimination music reaching its tensest part as he held up the marshmallow and the shot cut to Duncan and Leshawna watching nervously, the latter even crossing her fingers. "But tonight's loser _is_.. _Leshawna_!"

"Yes!" Duncan cheered, catching the final marshmallow.

" _WHAT_?!" Leshawna roared in shock, Sky and Eva and Mike all gaping as Heather blew a raspberry at her rival.

/

The screen rotated about a central axis as the scene transitioned to the Cannon of Shame, the somber farewell theme starting up in the background.

"I just don't understand," Leshawna said from the mouth of the cannon. "I thought people liked me."

"Obviously," Heather called out, standing high on the edge of the elimination area with the rest of the remaining campers, " _someone_ decided you couldn't be trusted." The shot cut in close to Mike as he gulped nervously.

Leshawna sighed as the focus returned to her. "Whatever. Maybe you're right. Maybe I _wasn't_ quite as good a person out here as I thought. Sorry, y'all," she told the others, the shot cutting back to those standing at the cliff's edge.

Heather smirked. "So now you admit you're no better than you think _I_ am?" she asked haughtily.

"Hah!" Leshawna barked out a laugh. "I mighta played the game harder than I realized, but I'm _still_ a better person than you'll ever be."

A flat note played as the camera cut back to the others, Heather's face dropping in shock as the other five murmured in general agreement.

"Aaaand," Chris said as the focus moved to him and his remote, "that's enough of _that_." He pressed the button, and Leshawna was shot screaming into the night.

The camera panned back onto Chris as he watched her go, then turned to face the camera as the capstone theme began to play. "Well, Leshawna's gone," he said, "and it might seem wrong, but it-" the camera abruptly cut to the fake tree with the exposed circuitry that Vito had vomited on during the challenge; it was still sparking, and the host paused as the background music started to warp, and the circuitry burst into flames. "...is?" he finished as snow began to fall.

A cold, snowy wind blew past him as the shot cut back to Chris, and the background music continued to warp and distort. "Who's next, to-" Chris tired to continue, pausing when a rock, a stump, and a bush nearby suddenly lowered into the ground and were replaced by a small shrub, a tall pine tree, and a greener bush. "To...to...," he watched in utter bewilderment as the snow stopped and a small tornado passed by in the background, "cannon?" he said with a wide smile and an almost helpless shrug. Several small rocks suddenly jutted out of the ground around his feet.

"Um, yeah," he said quickly. "Here, on Total!" The camera jumped backward to show him standing by the Cannon of Shame. "Drama!" The shot jumped outward again to show more of the island...including the offshore rocks which were now jerking up and down on pistons, one of the high curved hills being suddenly replaced by a tall craggy mountain, and a few large spires of what looked like ice abruptly jutting out from the sides of the island at odd angles. "Paaaahki..." Another jump-cut showed the entire island, numerous mountains and spires and other rock formation popping up and disappearing at random, the music now so loud and distorted that it was completely unrecognizable.

"WHAT THE _HECK_ IS GOING ON?!" Chris yelled.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

Well. That is not an elimination I wanted to be forced into...but I was forced into it. The couples still need development, Heather needs a bit more villain cred, and Mike...well, I'll get to Mike in a bit. But since Leshawna is a great character that has historically been shafted in canon, I had really hoped to do better with her. Unfortunately...I didn't. At least, not in terms of going far in the game. I hope all you Leshawna fans out there can forgive me.

The theme I've been trying to convey this season is 'identity', and for most of the cast it's kind of easy to see how that is involved. Leshawna, though, has always been a bit of a problem in that respect, and it wasn't until recently that I decided how to tie in her identity and how she understands herself into the season's plot. I had wanted her to gradually come to the realization that maybe her and Heather weren't so different after all, and that although she thinks of herself as something of a Team Mom type she isn't as good a person at times as she thinks. Especially after trying so hard to get rid of Heather...kind of a 'She who fights monsters' type of thing, you know? But, well, I ended up having to put that development off, and put it off, until eventually I had to rush it into this episode to its detriment. Again, I'm sorry to you all that I wasn't able to give Leshawna the kind of development she so richly deserves, and also that her elimination episode was kind of overshadowed by someone else.

Yup, I'm talking about the much-awaited appearance of Mal. Once I'd decided to include him in the season, I knew I wanted his appearance to be caused not by something ridiculous like getting hit in the head, but something actually meaningful and thematic - thus, we have Mike, suffering from intense guilt over his role in Owen's elimination, combined with food poisoning to form a life-threatening maelstrom of pain. And then his usual coping mechanisms, his alters, all fail him - Svetlana refuses, Manitoba falls, Vito quits, and Chester was never reliable to begin with. And thus, with noone else to turn to in his crisis, Mike was forced down the one path that remained open to him, whether he realized it or not.

I do hope you like my depiction of Mal. He's cruel and hateful, but he has a solid, concrete motivation beyond simply doing evil for the sake of evil. Safe to say that things are gonna get a little interesting next week with him around, perhaps.

Well, I look forward to hearing all of your thoughts. So until next week, enjoy yourselves and...stay safe.

\- Fangren

P. S. S. - Derick Lindsey alerted me that I'd mistakenly had Eva refer to Heather wanting to vote off Mike, which obviously didn't happen. I have thus corrected it.

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)

Owen - (8th Place)

Leshawna - (7th Place)


	10. Chapter 10 - Journey to the Center of

**Author's Note**

Not much to say...we're finally at the much-awaited point, the most anticipated episode of this season behind perhaps the finale and the premiere. I hope it lives up to all your expectations, but first as always there's some bookkeeping to do.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Oho, what indeed?

 **SilverMoon1912:** Thanks! Yeah, Mal like Mike's other alters was basically 'created' in order to handle something that Mike was unable to, and in particular was meant to handle the most dire situations. But, like you said, he's willing to go to some pretty extreme lengths to keep Mike safe, which allows him to keep a lot of his canon flavor while also patching up a lot of his flaws.

 **Animation Adventures:** Mm, as sad as it was to see her go it was the one that made the most sense from a story perspective like you said...if Heather is meant to be the main villain, then she needs to do some villainous things, you know? But yeah, certainly one of the darkest things I've had to write in a while - and darker than the canon equivalent, since it was pretty much all a bunch of nonsense building up to a zombie joke that got Shawn and Jasmine back together (with Dave breaking down being the main B-plot that made the episode dark at all to begin with). Regarding the pre-challenge, I'll admit that Brick was my first thought for the winner as well but I decided it would be much more interesting to give Heather that role, as it would work better with everyone's subplots. And I'm glad you enjoyed Heather's speech to Leshawna.  
And the season's theme too, of course. I think I said this on the TDWF a while ago when I made that vague hint about the theme, but it wasn't something I came into the season planning to do - but once I thought about it, everything made sense. With everything I wanted to do, it just made so much sense to use 'Identity' to tie everything together, and I'm glad it's worked out well so far.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Yeah, well, most people didn't - even in-story.

 **bruno14:** Haha, thanks, and yeah that was easily the darkest episode of this season by far. Mike...is really not in a good place right now. But hey, at least people like how I'm characterizing Mal, which is nice. And I'm glad you enjoyed the Eva/Sky moments, too, not to mention Heather and Leshawna. I hope you enjoy this week's events...

 **SideshowJazz1:** Ah, fair enough. I'm glad you liked my method of bringing out Mal, and you're certainly right that things would've been WAY different if Leshawna had been shuffled back to season one.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Right, thank you for pointing out that mistake I made with the Eva confessional - I fixed it so that she said Heather asked her and Sky to vote off Leshawna, but they decided otherwise. As I've told others I'm glad you liked my method of bringing Mal out; I really think it fits much better than what happened in canon. As for your questions...well, the double elimination and the teams for this week's challenge will be addressed in the episode, but regarding the finale...well, I know what I'm gonna do but I want to keep it a secret for now.

 **ashDanLand:** Thanks! And yeah, I'm pretty sad about Leshawna being gone as well - she just had so much potential that I was unable to bring out I feel, plus getting rid of her means bringing an end to her rivalry with Heather like you said.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thank you; I figured Heather's drive to win would be enough to overcome her general unwillingness to eat disgusting foods. Likewise, you're pretty much right on about Eva and her inability to handle disgusting foods - she's pretty strict with herself, and that includes her diet. She's not the type to willingly risk poisoning herself that easily.

 **Klimmatt:** Oh, definitely. I'm pretty disappointed that I had to eliminate her, but as much as I love Leshawna there's just so much else I wanted to do. I wish that I could have done more with her, both on her own and in relation with others, but I guess it'll have to be saved for some hypothetical future season. Regarding Mike, I think the very nature of his disorder necessitates a pretty dark headcanon, or at least makes one pretty likely. And yeah, Mal's canon motivations...weren't really sensible, so I'm glad I was able to reinterpret him in what I hope is a more realistic manner.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Well then, I hope I don't let you down in that regard. And as for Leshawna...well, I do feel that I could've done more with her, but since I was prepared to let her go ahead of time that was reflected in how I wrote her.

 **Glowing Insanity:** Hey, no problem with short reviews so long as they have substance. I'm glad I was able to keep you guessing about last week's boot, and I hope you enjoy the climax of this week's episode.

 **PhantomlordJ:** Thanks! I'm glad you're interested in Mal and his relationship with Mike, though I don't really get what you mean by 'citation'. Interesting predictions about this week's elimination...but anyway, good luck with college.

 **P. T. Piranha:** Oh true, true, sometimes you just gotta go with what people are expecting. Leshawna...I think she has a pretty big personality, actually, even if she hasn't done a whole lot of memorable things beyond being Heather's main rival over two seasons. There's a lot I could've done with her had I had more time and a different cast.

 **jaqwon14:** Oh don't worry, the reset button was easily the most offensive part of that whole subplot - I'd never even DREAM of repeating it. Likewise, I'm not about to make Mal unbeatable without using such a bullshit plot device.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Fair enough, fair enough. Like I've said I'm disappointed I had to have Leshawna eliminated, but everyone else just had more reason to stay like you said. But hey, at least you liked Mal's debut, and that's enough to satisfy me.

 **Guest #1:** Hmm...well, I suppose you'll just have to wait and see, now won't you?

 **OMAC001:** Hah, well it was gonna happen eventually. And as for Mal's eventual fate...well, I suppose you'll just have to wait and see.

 **DSX62415:** Yeah, you and me both. So many great characters, not nearly enough time to show them all off in. But I hope this week's episode lives up to the expectations of you and everyone else.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Thanks! Yeah, Leshawna's popularity and how often she got shafted in canon really did make me want to do better with her...unfortunately, I don't think I quite reached that goal. I'm glad you're loving my interpretation of Mal; I definitely think it's more appropriate for him. Enjoy the episode!

 **Guest #2:** ? Do you, like, not understand Mike's character at all? Or that 'it's just a game' is kinda bullshit?

 **link9753:** Thanks! Yeah, things are definitely gonna get more intense from here on out. You're certainly right that Duncan was justified in his anger at Mike, but that's just what makes Mike's situation all the worse - there was nothing he could have done without hurting someone, and it's really weighing heavily on him. Duncan was never in any real danger last week considering that I hadn't yet really developed him and Brick as a couple, though. Anyway, I hope you like this week's chapter!

 **Commander Liv:** Well, that's kind of the point - Leshawna was eliminated so that Heather _could_ get a step ahead in the game.

 **Joel Connell:** Thanks! Hearing that I've done something better than in canon, even something as easily doable as Mal's introduction, really makes my day. I do think the TD writers do have talent, but they're just not as aware of some of the problems with traditional ways of thinking as young people are. They also have to work with their bosses looming over their heads...they may not have always made the best decisions, but the TD writers still created the entire series from the ground up while people like me have only revised it.  
But still, I am happy for all the praise you've given me, it's thing like that that make all my hard work worth it. And it's certainly a shame that the show might not ever get renewed...but all good things must come to an end some day.

 **Andy:** Ah, sorry...but it had to be done. Like you said, with only 13 episodes to work with and a load of great characters, a lot of people are gonna end up getting cut earlier than they deserve to be. But hey, I'm glad you still enjoyed the episode.

 **Guest #3:** Thank you, though that does make me wonder how you expected me to handle it. Mike being maybe a little harder on himself than he should be is kind of the entire point; he's kind of mentally fragile I guess? And maybe you're right about where the babies came from.  
Unfortunately, I can't really help Stereotypical Vampire since I'm not actually the one who created the page, and I don't maintain it either.  
And as for Cody...honestly, I don't really like him too much as a character. Maybe if he'd gotten on TSI I could have done something with him with no Gwen in sight, but...I doubt I would have. And to be honest, I think his season one elimination in canon was completely fair.

 **The Prime Writer:** Hoo boy, you're certainly on the right track with my take on Mal though some of his motivations and such are a bit different from your guesses. And honestly, I would describe Mike's situation with the Owen vote as being between someone he'd made a pretty close bond with even before they were teammates (Owen) and someone who he maybe wasn't as close with but who he still looked up to and valued as a teammate (Eva). I'm glad you're enjoying Sky and Eva and that you basically want to see more of Heather; and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.

 **Codammy Forever:** Thank, I'm glad you liked the episode as well as the title I came up for this week's one. The teams used for this week's chapter are, well, the obvious ones. And as for Cody switching places with DJ and hooking up with Sammy...yeah, no, that's not something I would ever write in a million years. With DJ out of the picture it would just be Sammy/Dawn by themselves, full stop, nobody else involved. Maybe Sammy and Cody have some similarities, but I honestly just don't like Cody that much so I don't think they'd ever even become too close. And to be honest, I object to your line 'they could be what they need to be more complete people'; they're both already complete people, healthy relationships aren't meant to be something used to somehow make people more whole or whatever. Each person should stand fine on their own; the relationship just produces more than the sum of its parts.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Yup, it's sad but true. Mal isn't someone who should emerge do to some ridiculous head trauma, it's not really appropriate in any way and doesn't jive with the rest of Mike's alters. And yeah, regrettably I continued the tradition of shocking and undeserved Leshawna blindsides... But at least it gave Heather some villain cred for the first time ever. Anyway, I look forward to seeing your thoughts about this week's episode!

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Thank you. Comparing Leshawna's time here to her time on World Tour isn't much, but I guess it does make me feel a little better knowing that this isn't the worst ending she'd ever gotten. And...well, I wouldn't really call Mal's motivation 'I'm doing this because I love you', it's really more 'I'm doing this because this kind of thing is the entire reason why I exist'. But hey, it works with his character, so whatever.

 **Star Saber21:** Hmm...well, that's kind of an overstatement to be honest. I think the malfunctioning island is more dangerous overall. But yeah, it's gonna be interesting seeing everyone's reactions to how they're dealt with.

 **Guest #4:** Thanks! And yeah, the bit with the Juggy Chunks that you mentioned was a deliberate reference to Sugar, since she was such a big part of the canon episode.

 **MaximusTheMad:** Ah, well, no worries, you got to the reviews eventually. Let's see...well, I'm glad as always to see that I'm not the only one who was sad to see Rodney go. And I'm also glad you enjoyed Heather's plans continually not working out for her. The team swap was actually the same place as in canon, so it being late has nothing to do with me. I'm glad you're enjoying the development of Brick/Duncan as a pairing as they're not something I was too certain about coming in to this season. And as always, Owen's elimination was pretty sad to write.  
As for last episode...well, he didn't actually lose most of his friends, he just felt like he did. Owen and Duncan were justifiably mad about him voting for Owen, while Brick was more disappointed than anything else. Though I will admit that having Eva express her gratitude to Mike for what he did at some point would have been a good idea.  
And, again, we're completely on pace with the canon eliminations so far - there will be a double elimination like there was in canon at a point in the near future.

 **I. M. Poik:** Yeah, and it's about time as far as Heather is concerned - after spending most of the season failing to really affect the vote in a meaningful way, she finally gets her biggest strategic threat voted out. And...while I wouldn't quite say that Mal is disillusioned with protecting Mike, he is certainly different from his canon portrayal and I'm glad that so many people are interested in seeing what he does next.

 **graveexcitement:** Yeah, that was pretty much my reasoning behind it - I didn't want to get rid of Leshawna so 'early', but the couples still need to be developed. I'm glad you like my interpretation of Mal, and I hope that continues on with this week's episode.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Oh, definitely. Perhaps not the darkest in the series overall (that I think goes to my version Scarlett Fever way back in TSA), but certainly the saddest. Mike...hasn't been having a good time lately. He actually hasn't been ostracized, it's just that Duncan is pretty mad at him and nobody really had the chance to stick up for him in-story. But yeah, still not a good night to be Mike. Or Leshawna by the end of it, but that wasn't quite as much of a stand-out moment. Anyway, I hope you can enjoy what comes next...

 **TheHungerGames:** You're certainly right about that. I actually don't mind that breaking things was a big part of his early strategy in canon, but it's not really an angle I want to use in my story.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Thank you. Yeah, I figured Leshawna leaving would be a huge shock, but like you said it was a necessary one since it allows for some other things to happen. I'm glad you like my theme for the season; it's not something I had in mind when I started it, but it rapidly became obvious that it was something that seriously fit the plans I already had in place, which in turn meant it was a good framework to develop the rest of the cast around. And aside from Max and Katie, I'd say it's been pretty well and thoroughly done so far.  
Like I've told basically everyone else, I'm really happy that you're liking my take on Mal. I think this interpretation of him fits better with the rest of Mike's story arc and character, and I really hope the rest of my plans for him are equally well-liked.  
And...yeah, I'll admit I've been taking it rather slowly with both couples. Some of it I think is just from me not really being sure how to proceed each time, and some of it is me deliberately trying to take my time to keep things...steady, I guess? I want to do the couples right.

Anyway, that's this week's massive load of reviews out of the way. All that's left is the usual bit about how a **TVTropes page exists for the series. I welcome all who wish to add to it to do so, and I greatly appreciate the work that has been put into it already.**

Oh, and that the remaining (and merged!) contestants are as follows:

Boys: Brick, Duncan, Mike

Girls: Eva, Heather, Sky

So...yeah, it's the much-anticipated 10th episode of the season. Here's hoping it lives up to all your expectations.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 10 – Journey to the Center of Pahkitew Island**

"Last episode of Total Drama went down niiiice and eeeasy, one Juggy Chunk at a time," Chris opened, the recap montage beginning immediately with a clip of Eva shuddering in disgust as she tried to drink a glass of expired Juggy Chunks, followed by Brick calmly taking a swig and the camera panning to Sky as she watched uneasily, then pinched her nose and began to chug.

"Then it was time-" the montage moved to Sky and Eva looking pale and sickly as they walked through the woods- "for a stomach-turning game of _Hurl_ and Go Seek," Chris finished over clips of Leshawna holding her stomach as it growled painfully, followed by Duncan and Brick running into a tree and Heather slamming into them shortly after, all three looking sickly and weak.

"And thanks to a little bit of treachery from Mike," the boy was shown curling up into a fetal position in the rainy woods, "or perhaps his new alternate personality _Mal_ ," the malevolent alter grinned as he raised a broken branch over an unsuspecting Leshawna's head, "Heather finally got her wish and eliminated Leshawna." The Queen Bee blew a raspberry at her shocked rival, and the two exchanged barbs one last time before Leshawna was fired off into the night.

"Aaaand...that's...about it," Chris added with forced nonchalance, the music suddenly warping as the scene moved to a long-distance shot of the island as various formations and features jolted up and down or were replaced by other things entirely. "Absolutely _nothing_ strange happened!" he added as the camera moved to another part of the island as one of the tall cresting hills suddenly shot into the ground, getting replaced by a more jagged peak. A pine tree was replaced by something deciduous, then storm clouds abruptly formed and thunder cracked. "Just like nothing's happening now!" Chris said defiantly, the music now unrecognizably distorted as the ground began to shake, and a strong and snowy wind blew across the land – carrying a chittering raccoon with it.

"Nope! Nothing to see here!" Chris said with panic in his voice, stepping directly in front of the camera with a worried expression and grabbing the side of it. "Uh, just a _regular_ day," he said, moving the shot a step to the right as snow continued to blow in the background. "Get ready for-" A strong gust of wind suddenly blew him away from the camera, which quickly cut to show him rolling along the ground end-over-end, hitting a tall stump butt-first with his back on the ground. "Total!" he raised a finger and declared in a slightly higher voice. "Drama!" the shot cut outward to show the entire island, the land once more shifting and changing as hills rose and fell, ice spires shot out at odd angles, and the lightning cracked overhead.

The music made a pathetic attempt at resuming its usual course, but only made it a second before distorting again. The camera jumped backward, and Chris hastily finished "Paaaahki-"

xxx

The scene cut to static, which was soon replaced by a static image and calming standby music. The image was largely cream and black, a grid in the background with a large film reel in each of the four corners. And in the center was a color image of Chef Hatchet, a look of alarm on his face as he gazed upon the camera that was in the skillet he was holding over a stove...

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The scene opened on a long-distance shot of the stormy island, lightning cracking and the ground shaking. The shot cut to the Final Six gathered next to Chris, the host still wedged on his back up against the tall stump.

"I-it's an _earthquake_!" Brick shouted in panic.

"No," Sky corrected, shielding herself from the harsh wind as the camera cut in closer, "it's a _typhoon_!"

"No, it's a volcano!" Duncan said, standing between them. The camera cut behind them to show a mountain of black rock rising up before them and erupting...something light and pink.

"A...volcano of sprinkles?" Mike asked, the shot cutting to him sticking out his hand in bewilderment to catch the multi-colored sprinkles that were raining down upon them. "This place is even weirder than I thought," he added, dropping the sprinkles on the ground.

The shot cut to Eva and Heather glaring angrily at Chris, who was now standing and frantically pressing the button on his remote over and over. "Umm, _hello_?" Heather asked bossily. "Mind explaining what the _heck_ is going on?"

"No idea what you're...talking...about...," Chris said, blatantly feigning ignorance as he shook his remote. "Just, uh," he started punching the remote, causing it to spark, "need a minute...here..."

"Tell us what's going on," Eva demanded, punching her open palm in a threatening manner, " _NOW_!"

"Whatever do you mean?" Chris replied, the shot cutting outward then panning a foot to the right as holes opened up around the stump he'd crashed into, as well as two others and a tree nearby, and they suddenly dropped down into the ground with the holes closing up after them. "You don't have vanishing trees where you come from?"

"No!" Eva shouted, throwing up her arms in frustration.

The cast looked to the side again as the holes opened back up...and glittering and well-decorated Christmas trees rose up out of each one of them. A grand carol began to play, but it quickly warped and faded out. "What about Christmas?" Chris asked the group with a smile.

They all glared at him.

Chris sighed. " _Fine_ ," he said in annoyance. "The island is mostly artificial." The campers all gasped. "Yes! Gasp!" Chris replied, still irritated. "And we're having some technical difficulties, _okay_? It's _nothing_ to worry about!" he declared, crossing his arms defiantly.

A hole suddenly opened up in the ground between him and Heather, and everyone was forced to take a step away as a monitor suddenly rose up out of it – displaying a red skull-and-crossbones against a darker background, and with a blaring siren and a pair of loudspeakers mounted on top. "Self-destruct sequence activated," an artificial female voice announced calmly. "Island will explode in _one_ hour," it added, the shot cutting to a close-up of the monitor as it switched to a digital timer set at 1:00 and promptly counting down to 0:59.

The campers exclaimed their shock and disbelief all at once, their words getting jumbled together as they tried to talk over one another. Chris cut them off with a blast from his airhorn.

" _Zip it_!" he commanded, stowing his airhorn away immediately after. "For...your next challenge," he began awkwardly, taking out a tablet computer displaying an image of what looked like a room filled with monitors, "one of you has to shutdown the self-destruct! Which is located in _this_ ," the shot cut in close to the tablet, giving a better look at the room it was displaying, "underground control room. There are three ways to get there," he explained, the tablet's displaying changing to an image of the island with large red arrows pointing down to the left, right, and center. "So, you'll split into _three_ teams of two," the display changed again to show what looked like schematics of the island's interior. "The team that stops the countdown, wins immunity."

The camera shifted behind him to show Brick, Mike, Eva, and Heather looking at the tablet. Heather gasped, then darted forward. "Can I just, uh, borrow this for a sec?" she asked as she grabbed the tablet.

"Sure," Chris said in mild annoyance, letting her take it.

xxx

" _Hah_!" Heather gloated. "He pretty much gave me a _map_ of the place, there's like no _way_ I won't win now," she told the camera with a smug smile.

xxx

"Sooo, if there's no questions..." Chris said slowly as the static ended. "Ready!" he raised a finger. "Set!" he looked at his watch.

"Of _course_ we have questions," Sky interrupted, walking over next to Heather who was tapping on the tablet's screen with a thoughtful look. "Why does an _island_ have a _self-destruct_ setting?"

"How should we proceed once we find the control room?" Brick added, stepping over as well.

"Why even bother _lying_ about all the fake stuff in the first place?" Duncan chimed in, stepping forward as well.

"This, uh, this is just a _challenge_ , right?" Mike asked nervously, rubbing his neck as he walked up next to Duncan. "We aren't actually gonna be risking our lives if we fail, right?"

"Silly _Mike_ ," Chris replied, walking over to the campers. "You've _always_ been risking your lives, just never so seriously," he told them. "But, don't worry," he said as he kept walking to the left, "I'll be _right here_ to help you." The camera cut back out a bit to show the full cast again as a familiar roar began to rise up. "From a safe distance, in this helicopter!" he joyously explained with a point upward, dust getting blown up as the camera pulled back to reveal the two-rotated military helicopter hovering above them. It dropped a hooked anchor next to Chris, who grabbed its line.

"H-hold on now," Brick spoke up, his eyes wide with panic, "why don't we all just evacuate the island on the helicopter?"

"READY!" Chris called out over the roar of the helicopter, the shot cut to him being lifted up on its anchor. "SET!" he took out his airhorn. "GOOOOO!" He sounded the horn, and the campers gaped in shock.

xxx

"This is crazy," Sky confessed in a panic, "I'm kinda freaking out! I'm glad Eva's here cause I know I can always count on her to have my back," she admitted thoughtfully before turning serious again, "but I _have_ to _focus_! I _don't_ wanna have to be the one rescued again, even though it did feel pretty nice when she was carrying me," she said, her voice becoming almost dreamy before she suddenly caught herself, closed her eyes, and clenched her fists. "No! I can't lose focus!" She gave the camera a pathetic look, and finished with "I'm _really_ losing it here..."

xxx

"T-minus 55 minutes and counting," the computerized voice said as the scene returned to the digital timer, the campers still gathered around it – the boys and Sky to the left; Eva and Heather to the right.

"Alright troops," Brick barked, "prepare to move out!"

"Right," Heather said with a smile as the shot cut briefly to her close-up, "who wants to be on _my_ team?" As she spoke the camera zoomed back out, Brick and Duncan running off to the left while Eva grabbed Sky by the wrist and together they ran off to the right. Once they were gone, Heather glared and growled in frustration.

"Well, uh, guess it's you and me then huh?" Mike said awkwardly, walking over to her with a smile.

Heather took a deep breath, then smiled. "Looks like it," she told him cheerily. "Let's go _win_ this thing."

/

A tense challenge theme began playing as the scene flashed to a close-up of Brick and Duncan's feet running along the ground, the shot quickly moving to them running through the woods together.

"You sure you can handle this, dude?" Duncan asked cockily as the pair ran up a series of progressively taller rocks that suddenly rose up under them. "It's pretty dark out!"

The two jumped off the tallest one, landing easily on the ground. "No problem," Brick replied as they began running again. "I'm taking things head-on this time!"

Duncan laughed. "Good to hear it man, cause I think we're almost there. Whoa!" He gasped in surprised as they hit a frozen pond and began to slip; Brick quickly grabbed him, and forced him down as they passed under a jet of fire together.

"Agreed," Brick said, running away with Duncan before another jet of fire shot out behind them. "Together," he said as they reached the edge of a cliff, grabbed a hanging vine, and swung onward to the left, "there's _nothing_ we can't defeat!" His sentence was punctuated by their landing in front of the camera, which promptly pulled back to show the shore of a lake.

"Whoa," Duncan said, the camera moving behind them. "Little early in the day for a _swim_ , don't you think?" he asked Brick with a small smirk.

Brick clapped Duncan on the shoulder. "A soldier never stops until _victory_ is at hand!" he replied, before the shot moved back in front of them and a shark fin swam past. "...or a retreat is ordered," he added nervously.

"Relax, man," Duncan told him with a confident smile, putting his hand on the cadet's shoulder. "A couple of strong _men_ like us can take some over-sized _guppy_ any day of the week!"

Brick gulped, then smiled. "R-right."

xxx

"Duncan may be _rough_ around the edges, but he's got a good heart underneath all that," Brick told the outhouse camera. "He's a lot like me in that respect, and that makes him a keeper," he declared decisively before realizing what he'd said and freezing in shock. "Uhh," he said after a second, blushing lightly and rubbing the back of his head, "I think Owen was right when he thought I've got a crush on Duncan. Hopefully this challenge will help me get a bit closer to him."

xxx

"Yeah, Brick's a bit of a chicken sometimes," Duncan casually admitted, "but he pulls through when it counts. Or when you prod him a bit, whichever works," he added with a jovial shrug. "And hey, I kinda like people like that. Uhh," he said suddenly, looking nervously from side to side, "as friends, I mean. Don't you _dare_ take that the wrong way," he said aggressively, brandishing a fist at the camera.

xxx

The challenge music resumed as the scene moved underwater, Brick and Duncan plunging in and swimming downward leaving bubbles trailing in their wake. They paused and righted themselves to look around, and Duncan promptly pointed something out. The camera moved behind them to show a pipe jutting out of the lakebed with a domed hatch on it; the shot promptly cut to the wheel-handle as both boys grabbed on and tried to turn it.

After a few failed tries Brick looked up in shock and pointed to the right, and the camera panned over to show the shark swimming towards them with an angry growl. Duncan snorted in contempt, the shark opened its mouth, and then Duncan punched it in the nose with a savage grin. It was blown back with a yelp, and Duncan put his hands on his hips, gave Brick a cocky smirk, and waggled his eyebrows in an almost suggestive manner.

A growling caught their attention, though, and the camera pulled back to show the shark still there, rubbing its nose angrily. It snarled at them and bared its teeth, causing both boys to cover their mouths before more than a few bubbles escaped.

xxx

"The best part of underwater combat is that peeing your pants goes completely unnoticed," Brick declared with a decisive swipe of his hand...before becoming suddenly nervous. "Uh, n-not that _I've_ ever peed my pants, underwater or otherwise," he stammered, his eyes darting from side to side as his fingers twiddled and his shoulders slouched.

xxx

The static cut away to show the two boys frantically trying to open the hatch as the shark loomed over them...and a cloud of something dark yellow slowly spread out behind them. The shark retched and coughed in disgust when the cloud reached it, and swam off just as the boys opened the hatch and the cloud dissipated.

A light but tense theme played as the scene moved to a hallway lined with cables and various electronic devices, water pouring in from an open hatch in the top. Duncan and Brick dropped along with it, the camera panning down to show them landing in a heap on the wet floor, the water flow soon stopping.

/

The challenge music resumed as a flash took the focus to Sky and Eva, running to the right through a different stretch of woods. The camera moved ahead of them as a pair of holes suddenly opened up on either side of their path and spruce shot out of them at odd angles. Sky gasped and slid under where the trunks crossed, and moments later Eva came bursting out of the branches above, landing on the ground between Sky and the camera.

"Whoa, that was _amazing_!" Sky said as the shot moved back to its usual side-angle. "How are you still so _calm_ right now?"

"Simple," Eva replied with a smirk and slight blush as she resumed running, Sky right behind her. "This isn't much different from the stuntwork I've done, so I'm just imagining myself doing that. Only this time, _I'm_ the star."

xxx

"It's pretty easy, especially since I have a cute co-star-slash-love interest," Eva confidently confessed before pausing and putting a hand on the back of her head. "Uh, just don't tell her that. I don't want my feelings for Sky to get in the way of our friendship, since she's never gonna be interested in me with that boyfriend she has. To be honest, after all the times I've messed up around her I'm surprised she still likes me at all."

xxx

"Wow, that's...actually pretty cool," Sky said as the static cut away. "I wish I had something _I_ could focus on that would distract me from us having only an hour to live."

The camera pulled out as the two girls came out into a clearing and skidded to a halt. "Uh, I guess you could always focus on living to see that boyfriend of yours again, or whatever," Eva suggested, rubbing her neck as the two girls looked around.

Sky froze, then looked at her. "Err, yeah, maybe..." she said noncommittally. She looked away, then perked up. "Hey, I think I see the way in!" she said, pointing off to the left.

The shot cut to a hole in the ground, Sky and Eva running up to it moments later. "Okay, let's-" Sky began, taking a step to the hole before the ground shook and Eva pulled her back. A tree shot out of the ground moments later. "-find another way in," Sky finished.

Another hole opened up to the left. The girls shared, a wary look, then the shot cut in close to show Sky jumping in, and Eva following moments later.

/

"Okay," Heather said, looking at the tablet she'd taken as the scene flashed to her and Mike walking through the woods, "if I'm reading this right, the entrance should be under a rock nearby."

"Huh?" Mike said distractedly, looking up at her. "Oh, right, good."

Heather stopped and turned around to face him. "Is something wrong with you? No offense, but you seem _flakier_ than usual."

"Oh, uh, sorry," Mike said, scratching his arm awkwardly. "Just...been feeling really _weird_ ever since the last challenge."

Heather sighed lightly. "Yeah, I guess I've been feeling a little weird myself. Never thought I'd actually _miss_ having Leshawna around as someone to talk to, but with with the others practically paired off for life I've been feeling kinda like a third wheel. I guess that makes it all the more important that the two of us stick together, huh?" she said with a small yet surprisingly genuine smile.

"Yeah, I guess so," Mike replied with a slightly blank stare as they continued walking into a clearing full of rocks.

They stopped after a few seconds in front of a particularly large rock, and Heather held up her tablet. "Hmm...," she said, twisting it around and tapping the screen. "I think this is the one," she said, lowering the tablet and pointing at the rock.

"Okay then," Mike said with a small smile as he walked over. He rubbed his hands together then crouched down and grabbed the rock...only to fall backward with a gasp as it suddenly swung upward.

The shot cut outward as Heather and Mike stared at the opening under it for a few moments, then Heather blinked and shrugged. "Yeah, _so_ not questioning it right now," she said before hopping down the hole without a second thought.

The camera lingered on Mike as he looked at the hole and gulped nervously, and the music rose up ominously as he suddenly inhaled, his spike of hair flopping down over his now-baggy eyes. "Look out belo~ow!" Mal called down the hole in an almost taunting singsong voice, jumping down moments later.

/

The scene flashed back to Brick and Duncan, now running through the well-lit hallway, skidding to a stop when they came upon a monitor showing a live feed of Chris. "Guys! Glad I caught you," he greeted. "I have good news!"

"The island's not gonna be destroyed?" Brick asked hopefully, the camera moving around in front of him and Duncan.

" _No_ ," Chris said shortly as the shot moved behind the boys, "I said _good_ news. I can download the footage from _all_ the cameras to the helicopter! So, even after the island blows up, I can still cut together an episode."

Brick and Duncan scowled as the shot moved back in front of them. "Thanks a _lot_ , dude," Duncan said. "We're risking our _butts_ to clean up _your_ stupid mess," he threw his hands up in the air, "and you're just enjoying the show!"

"Hey, you think _you_ got it hard?" Chris shot back testily, the camera cutting to where he was sitting – in a high-backed chair at a nice desk in what would have been a rather high-class office were it not located in a military helicopter – The cappuccino maker on this thing is _terrible_ ," he griped, taking a sip of the cup in his hand. "Oh, and try to avoid the motion sensors," he added, offhandedly at first but soon smiling his usual smile. "They set off _crazy_ security all over the island." As he spoke the scene returned to Duncan and Brick watching the monitor, and once he was finished the monitor lifted up into the ceiling, revealing a field of security lasers switching on in the corridor beyond it.

"Aww, _crap_ ," Duncan muttered, the viewpoint shifting to show the lasers switching on and off around him and Brick.

Brick took a deep breath, smiled, and put a hand on Duncan's shoulder. "Just like the obstacle courses back at boot camp," he said.

"They made you walk through _laser fields_ in _boot camp_?" Duncan asked skeptically.

"Well, technically they used ropes and wires since that's more like what we'd find in the field," Brick admitted with a rub of his neck. "The-the point is, I have experience getting through things like this. Just follow my lead, and take it nice and slow."

Brick promptly dropped out of sight, and Duncan rolled his eyes. "If you say so, dude,' he said before dropping down as well.

xxx

"Not gonna lie, this seems a little bit more Black Ops than I expected from Brick," Duncan confessed. "But if he pulls it off, that just makes him a little bit less of a dork," he said with a cool smile.

xxx

A fast spy-movie theme began to play as the static cut away and the two boys began to crawl through the field of lasers on their hands and knees. With the beams constantly shifting they were forced to slink under or jump over several times, and Brick even rolled forward once to Duncan's surprise.

xxx

"Yeah, definitely less of a dork," Duncan admitted in another confessional.

xxx

The static cut away to show Brick pulling himself up into a crouch, Duncan appearing alongside him moments later. "Okay, sorry for doubting you knew what you were doing," the punk admitted as the pair scurried forward as the lasers shifted again.

"You _doubted_ me?" Brick asked, looking back with a hurt expression.

"W-well, I don't know, I just..." Duncan stammered.

"Uh, guys, is now the time for this?" came the voice of Chris, the camera panning over to show him watching through another monitor. "Less _talking_ , more _action_!"

"It didn't seem like something you woulda learned!" Duncan told Brick, both boys ignoring the host.

"Well it was!" Brick countered...just before the lasers struck both him and Duncan at several points, causing an alarm to go off in the distance that caused both boys to shut up. "Mission failed," Brick quipped.

xxx

Brick opened his confessional with a sigh. "My fault for getting distracted, really," he admitted. "Guess it's hard not to be when you're around the guy you like."

xxx

"Well this ain't good," Duncan said, the camera pulling back as the lasers shut off but the alarm continued.

"Intruders detected," announced the computerized voice from earlier. "Releasing robotic security units." The floor to the left of the boys slid open, and the camera moved behind them as several figures rose up – a bear, a crocodile, a doer deer, and a fawn, except all four had glowing red eyes and bits of missing skin that revealed the sparking robotic bodies beneath. Brick and Duncan screamed and clutched each other.

xxx

"Or killer robot animals!" Brick continued in a panic from his previous confessional.

xxx

Chris audibly cringed as the footage resumed, the camera taking up a position between the robots and the boys, on the wall opposite Chris' monitor. "Well, that was the shortest season _ev-er_ ," he said in annoyance as the music became deep and tense. "Good luck guys, I'm out!" The monitor turned off.

"Okay, this would be _so_ cool if they weren't gonna eat us," Duncan commented, the camera switching from the growling robots to him and Brick.

"I respectfully disagree," Brick replied as the tense music ramped back up, his wide-eyed gaze still locked on the robotic animals. "Furthermore, I recommend a full tactical retreat!"

"I'm with ya on that, dude!" Duncan said, and the camera jumped back to show them running and screaming down the hall with the snarling robot animals chasing right after them.

They soon gasped, and the camera shifted to show a heavy metal door lowering down ahead of them. The shot cut to them barely sliding under it, the robotic crocodile lunging after them but getting stuck immediately with the door trying to close on its neck.

Duncan let out a breath of relief as he and Brick stood up, but the cadet shook his head. "We're not through yet," he said, grabbing his partner's arm and pointing at the ground. The shot returned to the trapped crocodile as the door forcibly crushed its neck, which only freed the sparking head allowing it to scoot forward, snapping its jaws.

"Whoa...," Duncan said in shock as the two began to back away from it.

/

The scene flashed away with a dramatic musical flair, moving to Sky and Eva sitting against a wall next to an open door and panting heavily.

"What _was_ that thing?!" Sky asked.

"I don't know," Eva replied, "and I don't wanna find out."

Sky groaned and tucked her head between her knees. "This is _hopeless_ , isn't it? We have to stop the whole _island_ from blowing up, and of _course_ there's things like _that_ in our way," she said, motioning towards the open doorway. "How are we _ever_ gonna make it out of here alive?"

"We'll find a way," Eva said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Even if it means _punching_ my way through this stupid place," she said aggressively, punching her open palm and attracting Sky's attention, "I'll make sure we get through _all_ of this stupid show, so we can go back home...and you can see that boyfriend of yours again."

Sky's eyes widened, then she looked away awkwardly. "Uh, look, Eva, about that-"

She was interrupted by a monitor descending from the ceiling above them and to the left, which promptly turned on to show Chris looking. "Oh, there you two are," he said after finally spotting them. "I was wondering if you were dead yet, but it looks like you aren't."

"Yeah, no thanks to _you_!" Eva yelled angrily.

Chris unflinchingly took a sip of his cappuccino. "So," he said, setting the cup down, "how are you guys holding out?"

"Not very well!" Sky told him sharply. "One minute we're running down the hall with no problem, the next minute this _thing_ comes out and nearly kills us!"

"Oh, yeah, fyi, Duncan and Brick managed to set off security during some kinda lover's quarrel," Chris said. "Now the island's crawling with killer robot animals!"

"What?!" Sky said in shock as she and Eva stood up. "That thing was a robot?!"

"Yeah, we had _real_ animals," Chris explained, "but the animal rights people were all 'Blah blah blah blah'," he said with a dismissive tone and gesture, "so, we switched to robot animals! Some were _craaazy_ violent though, so, we caged them down here."

"Well that explains a lot," Eva grunted.

"So what are we supposed to do?" Sky asked.

"I dunno," Chris shrugged, "it would probably be easier to go find another path from where you came in."

"But that place was filled with trees and rocks and giant gears moving things around," Sky said uncomfortably.

Chris shrugged again. "Then hey, stay here."

As they spoke the camera moved to the dark doorway as a pair of round eyes appeared near the floor, and the music spiked dramatically as a small and innocent-looking orange tabby cat kitten jumped out into the open.

Eva and Sky gasped. "Oh no, it's back," Sky moaned, the shot cutting to the kitten as its eyes glowed red and it opened its mouth up impossibly wide. Electricity shot from the walls of its mouth to the center, coalescing into a ball of crackling energy that became a massive jet of flame that was shot at the girls. They quickly ducked, causing the monitor to be engulfed in flame as the music spiked dramatically once more. The device crumbled into charred pieces.

"RUN!" Sky yelled, turning and running away with Eva just before another blast of fire hit them.

xxx

"Having an adorable kitten turn out to be a killer robot is just _unfair_!" Sky told the outhouse camera.

xxx

The static cut away to show Chris in his helicopter office, smiling at the camera with his cappuccino in hand. "Stay tuned to find out if anyone is _still alive_ when they get blown up," he said smugly as the capstone theme played. "Here on Total! Drama! Paaahkitew Island!" The shot jumped outward repeatedly, showing the helicopter hovering over the messed-up island.

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The music trilled loud and tense as the episode resumed, the focus on a large pipe opening out of the ceiling as Heather and Mal fell from it with a scream. The tube retracted into the ceiling as the camera cut outward, revealing the two lying in a heap in a corner of a decently-sized room. The walls seemed to be made entirely of machines; a large vault door was located on the left wall with a glowing keypad on the front of it, and a monitor and some kind of futuristic keyboard were mounted on the back.

"Urgh, that _sucked_ ," Heather spat, rubbing her head as Mal stood up and looked around.

"Where are we, anyway?" Mal asked, walking over to the door and looking up and down it.

The monitor suddenly switched on to show Chris' smiling face. "Mike! Heather! Congrats on being the _first_ to the control room-" the camera cut in closer as Heather walked across the room with a grimace- "and subsequently, not dying."

"Thanks," Heather said dryly, the camera moving to her looking at the keypad on the door while Mal inspected the bolt across the top. "Now, what's the password so we can get inside?" she asked impatiently.

"I keep it safely locked away at all times," Chris explained with a smile as the camera pulled back to show the monitor again. " _In_ the control room." Heather and Mal groaned in aggravation. "Just start hitting random numbers, it couldn't hurt," Chris suggested. "Oh, except for the electric shocks that thing dishes out every time you get it wrong," he clarified, the camera cutting in closer. " _Those_ 'll hurt."

A phone started ringing just then, and Chris quickly took out his cellphone. "Oops, gotta take this," he said, clutching the phone to the side as it continued to ring. "It's the network. If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, I hope you had a nice life." The monitor switched off.

"Great," Heather grunted, crossing her arms in irritation. "Just _great_. I go through all the trouble of swiping this tablet-" she motioned at the device she was still holding- "and finding the way here, only for us to be locked out."

"You could always trying guessing the passcode," Mal suggested, looking back at her with a dark smile as he continued to inspect the door.

"Pfft, yeah, no, I'm not shocking myself," Heather scoffed, turning her attention back to the tablet. "There's _gotta_ be another way in..." she said before pausing abruptly and turning a suspicious look back to her partner. "Hold on, why is your voice so deep? And what happened to your hair?"

"Good question," Mal turned and shrugged. "Maybe it's just cause I've been on this island for too long?"

Heather crossed her arms and gave her partner a look of disbelief. "Yeah, I don't buy it. You're not _Mike_ right now, are you?"

Mal crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "So what if I'm not?" he asked.

The two stared at one another, the camera moving between close-ups of their narrow eyes before Heather finally sniffed in contempt. "Nothing. Just wanted to make sure who I'm _dealing_ with."

Mal snorted.

xxx

" _Nobody_ knows who they're dealing with with me," Mal confessed. "Except Duncan, but he's _hardly_ a threat. Not to _my_ goals, anyway."

xxx

"So whoever you are," Heather told Mal as the static cut away, "stay _out_ of my way."

"Isn't 'your way' currently being blocked by a few inches of solid steel and an electrically charged lock?" he asked.

Heather sniffed. "For _now_ ," she said with a smirk. "But that room _has_ to have some kind of ventilation, and _that_ means another way in." She looked back at her tablet, the music became tense and ominous again.

The focus moved back to Mal as he rolled his eyes and turned around. "I'm not about to risk my life waiting for you to find some duct for us to crawl through," he said before raising his right leg and delivering a swift kick to the keypad on the door, which promptly electrocuted him.

Heather gaped in shock. " _What_ is your _deal_?" she asked as he calmly lowered his leg. "Didn't that hurt?"

"Yup," Mal said simply. "But it was worth it," he added with a point at the door; the camera cut in close to show the keypad sparking, and the door sliding open moments later.

"I...that...how did you know that would _work_?" Heather asked, staring dumbfounded at Mal and the open door as the camera jumped outward.

"Experience," Mal said before walking in, Heather quickly following behind him.

The scene quickly moved inside the room, showing the two approaching a massive computer station – Heather walking over to the keyboard while Mal paused in the middle of the room and looked around thoughtfully.

"Alright, any ' _experience_ ' stopping self-destruct sequences?" Heather asked as she looked down at the keyboard. "Because I don't really wanna _die_ out here."

"Sorry," Mal said in an unapologetic drawl, "your guess is as good as mine. Looks like this place _does_ have an escape pod, though."

"Good," Heather said distractedly, the camera moving in front of her as she continued to stare at the keyboard and Mal loomed up ominously behind her. "I'd hate to give up the competition, but if we can't figure this out soon at least we'll survive. My life is worth _so_ much more than a million dollars."

The music spiked, and Mal grabbed her around the neck from behind. "Wh-what are you _doing_?!" she gasped as she began to struggle, the music becoming tense as the camera moved back to a side-angle. "We stay alive _and_ get immunity if we stop this place from blowing up, remember?!"

"Change of plans," Mal told her dispassionately, throwing her to the ground away from the computer. "This place is blowing sky high, and _I'm_ the only one who's making it out in one piece."

The shot cut in close to Heather as she gasped in shock, then growled angrily. "Are you _kidding me_?! You're just giving up without even _trying_?!" She lashed a foot out at his legs, but he stopped it with his own foot.

"Oh, I'm not giving up," Mal said coolly as he shifted his weight onto her foot, pinning it to the floor. "I just have different priorities than you."

Heather grunted in fury and yanked her foot free, Mal raising his own so he wouldn't lose balance. "You are _not_ ruining this for me!" she yelled, standing up and lunging at him.

"Actually," Mal told her with a small smirk as he caught both of her wrists, "I _am_." As he let go of her he raised his leg, then delivered a swift kick to her chest that knocked her off-screen. "And there's _nothing_ you can do about it," he taunted as the shot cut to her landing in a heap on the floor.

The camera cut back to him as he walked over to the computer. "Now let me see...," he said, tapping his chin in thought as he looked over the keyboard. "Ah!" he smiled, raising a finger above a certain key. "It looks like we have an unwanted guest in here. I better call _security_ ," he said in a mocking voice, pressing the button and looking back with a darkly expectant look on his face.

A quick-pan back to Heather showed her getting back to her feet with a furious and hateful look; she started to charge, but stopped in shock as a panel opened up in the floor, and a certain bear wearing various accessories rose up in front of her. "Oh, uh, Scuba slash Bling slash _Pasta_ Bear, was it?" Heather greeted, suddenly nervous. "Or...is it _Security_ Bear now?"

The bear ripped its accessories and fur and skin off in one fell move, revealing the robotic body beneath it. It rose its arms and let loose a mechanical roar, causing Heather to scream and flee the room. The shot followed her and the Bear back out into the hall, the door to the control room slamming shut behind them...

The scene moved back inside the control room, showing Mal taking a seat in the chair in front of the computer as the massive monitor switched on to show a feed of Chris. "Mike!" he greeted awkwardly. "Or is it _Mal_ right now..."

"What do you want, McLean?" Mal asked, crossing his arms impatiently.

"Mal it is," Chris said with a light chuckle that rapidly trailed off. "So, you've almost won! All you gotta do is disarm the self-destruct sequence," he said, pointing down at the keyboard.

Mal yawned. "Yeah, not interested."

"You're not _interested_ in saving your own _life_?!" Chris asked in shock.

"It's already _been_ saved thanks to the escape pod this place has," Mal answered calmly with a thumb to the side. "I just don't care about the rest of you."

"What about the million bucks?" Chris asked. "You can't win the competition if the island blows up and kills all the others."

Mal snorted. "Don't you get it? I don't _care_ about the competition, _or_ the million dollars; that's what _Mike_ wanted. _My_ only goals are to keep myself and by proxy the idiots that share this body with me _safe_ ," he explained, giving himself a few raps on the head with his knuckles, "and _hurting_ those who would try to do us harm. Case in point, I don't really _appreciate_ all the stuff you've done to Mike." He flashed and evil smirk that seemed to shock Chris, then pressed a button on the keyboard.

A hollow sound played as the scene cut outside to a nondescript part of the forest...and a few of the pine trees in the foreground suddenly lifted off like rockets. The camera followed them as they flew through the air, shooting at the helicopter which had to keep ducking and swerving to narrowly avoid getting hit. And all the while, Chris' cries of pain echoed forth from it.

The scene cut back to the control room, Chris standing back up on the monitor's feed with his hand on his head. "Hey! Have some respect for nature!" he yelled.

Mal tutted and shook his head. "You still don't get what's going on, do you?"

"Do _you_?" Chris countered defiantly. "Cause in case you've forgotten, the others will be there _any second_."

Mal chuckled, low and slow. "Oh, I doubt it," he said, pressing a button that turned off the monitor. He then stood up, and whistled the same familiar part of 'In the Hall of the Mountain King' as he walked off to the right..."

/

"CHEEEEEEFFF!" Chris yelled as the scene flashed to a close-up of the curtained door to a cockpit, the host soon arriving through it with his cappuccino cup held high. "WE'VE GOT AN EMERGENCY!" The shot cut backward to show Chef at the controls in his pilot's uniform, looking at Chris. "The foamy thing on the coffee machine won't work at _all_ , now!" he exclaimed, taking a long sip of coffee.

"Also, Mal's gone rogue and is gonna blow up the island," he added in a much calmer voice. "We gotta warn the others." He took another long sip of coffee. "As soon as the foamy thing is working properly again."

/

A flash took the scene to Duncan and Brick running to the left through another hallway, skidding to a stop as a growing scream got their attention. The end of a large pipe suddenly shot down from the ceiling in front of them, and moments later Sky and Eva fell out of it.

"Whoa," Duncan said in shock.

"What're you two doing here?" Brick asked, kneeling down to help the two up.

"It's a loooong story," Sky said.

"Yeah, well, if it involves running from killer robot animals," Duncan began to say.

"That _you two_ let loose," Eva grunted angrily.

"Point is, we know how you feel," Duncan finished forcefully with a scowl.

"Ten minutes to self-destruct," the computerized voice announced suddenly.

A few deep notes played as the four campers shared shocked grimaces. Sky opened her mouth to say something, but was quickly interrupted by the appearance of a monitor, lowering down from the ceiling. Rather than a video feed, however, it displayed only an audio signal as a green-toned graph.

The person on the other end cleared their throat, then Mike's voice said "Oh hey, there you guys are!" in a slightly awkward tone. "I have some bad news. I'm in the control room, but there's no way to turn off the self-destruct! Chris must've been _lying_ to us."

"Figures...," Eva grunted as the shot moved to the campers.

"Typical," Sky added.

"Apparently you can only shut it down from _here_ ," 'Mike' added, the monitor switching to a floor plan of the facility with a red arrow lead from a flashing dot, through the halls, to another room.

"Hmm, just down the hall,' Brick said, leaning in and checking the display. "Great job!"

He moved to run off with the girls only for Duncan to grab him by the shoulder and pull him back, staring suspiciously at the monitor all the while. "Hold on, I smell a _rat_..." he said to the confusion of the others. He took a breath, then the music cut out as he began to whistle that same familiar part of 'In the Hall of the Mountain King'...only to stop abruptly after a few notes.

The camera moved onto the monitor which was now back to displaying the audio signal, a moment passed, and the rest of the notes came over. "Hah!" Duncan barked out a laugh. "You're _Mal_!"

"Mal?" Sky repeated, sharing a look of confusion with Eva and Brick. "Who's Mal?"

"Mike's last, and _nastiest_ , alter ego," Duncan explained.

Mal grunted in annoyance, and the monitor switched to a video feed of him in the control room. "Fine, you got me," he admitted. "Not like it even _matters_. Not with the clock ticking anyway," he added as the monitor switched to the self-destruct timer, now approaching 8 minutes. "Better go down that hall I told you about!"

"Uh, _no_ ," Duncan objected, "that's like the most obvious trap in the world."

"Can you _really_ afford to take that chance right now?" Mal asked as the monitor switched back to the video feed. "Besides, you _know_ I don't wanna let myself get blown up."

"Look, all that matters is that _somebody_ stops the self-destruct," Sky pointed out as the focus moved to the campers. "How about we split up, you two going to the control room to check out Mal while me and Eva go to the other place."

Duncan snorted. "Suit yourself, sister," he said before running off with a nervous and uncertain Brick right behind him.

/

The footage flashed ahead to another room, a door sliding up on the right and Sky and Eva running in.

They immediately stopped and gasped.

A deep, tense tune took over the background music as the viewpoint shifted to that of the girls, the camera panning across countless robotic duplicates of Chris McLean attached to the ceiling by strange devices with lots of wires and cables and tubes extending from a central part with a pale blue light on the front.

"Well, this is a new level of creepy," Sky remarked.

"Looks like this really was a trap," Eva grunted as the shot cut back to her and Sky.

"Yup, looks like it," Mal said over the intercom. "Enjoy the rest of your lives," he added as a slow taunt that ended with a deep, dark laugh as the door slammed shut behind Sky and Eva. The shot cut back to the robots as the tense, dramatic music rose up, and their eyes started to glow red...then, one by one, the devices holding them up released, and they dropped to the floor.

"Well, this isn't good," Eva said as the robotic Chrises stepped around her and Sky, forcing the girls to stand close together back-to-back. "Any last words before we go out fighting?" she asked Sky with a slight smirk.

"Don't joke about that," Sky said nervously, only briefly taking her eyes off the robot army.

"I'm being serious," Eva said before looking at the camera. "Hey, Mom and Dad, on the off chance I don't make it out of this...don't use any pictures of me in a dress for the funeral. Love ya," she finished with a curt wave.

xxx

"What can I say, I'm not a very mushy girl," Eva explained in the outhouse. "Though if it _really_ comes down to it, I'm gonna tell Sky how I feel. It's not like I had a shot with her to begin with."

xxx

"Total! Drama! Drama! Ha-ha-ha!" the robot chanted in a stilted chorus as another wave of them approached the girls.

The shot cut back to the girls, Eva raising her fists while Sky huddled nervously next to her. "Um...um...," Sky stammered, "Mom, Dad, River, I love you all and I hope you can move on without me." The robots lunged, Eva punching one away while Sky yelped and vaulted up into a handstand on another's shoulders. She allowed herself to fall forward, bringing the Chris-bot to the ground with her. "And Keith, it's probably not the most appropriate to do this over international TV, but I _really_ don't wanna die without telling you that things just weren't working out between us. Sorry."

A flat note played as the shot cut out to show Eva looking at her. "Wait, what?" she asked, one robot in a headlock while smashing another face-first into it, causing both of their heads to break. "So...you aren't in love with him?" she asked.

"Well...it's a little complicated, but pretty much," Sky admitted as she ducked between two Chris-bots causing them to slam into each other.

The shot cut back to Eva's close-up as she grinned dangerously.

xxx

"Maybe I _do_ have a shot with her after all," she told the outhouse camera.

xxx

"Alright, time to _crush some skulls!_ " Eva roared defiantly, heavy metal music taking over the audio as she grabbed the nearest Chris-bot, picked it up, and threw it at three more. Another one approached her and she punched its face in, then a third one came up from behind and grabbed her around the neck.

She bit clear through its arm.

The shot cut to Sky watching in utter shock as the sounds of battle and the occasional bit of robot came flying through the air, and the camera suddenly zoomed in as she smiled dangerously as well. "Take _this_!" she said, the shot pulling back as she shoved an approaching Chris-bot hard, causing it to stumble backwards into another one and fall over. "Yeah!" Sky cheered.

xxx

"I should've been scared," Sky confessed, "but something about helping demolish Chris over and over-" she pounded a fist against her open palm a few times- "was just...therapeutic," she said with a contented sigh. "Kinda strange how Eva only got into after I broke up with Keith, but I'm pretty glad she did."

xxx

"Yeah, I was never worried about the robots, to be honest," Eva said proudly, rubbing her knuckles on her clothes then blowing on them proudly. "I just figured that there were too many for me to take out before the island blew. Guess I was wrong."

xxx

The static cut away to a severed Chris-bot head bouncing off the floor and landing with a thud. "Total! Total! Toootal...Toooootalll..." it said, its voice growing slower and deeper and its eyes losing their red glow with each repetition until it finally lay still and silent. The shot cut to Eva and Sky, standing back to back among a pile of robot parts, breath heaving and oil splattered on their clothes. They looked at one another, and smiled softly.

"Guys! You're not gonna believe this!" came the sudden voice of Chris, the camera pulling back as a monitor showing a video feed of the host descended from the ceiling. He spotted the pile of destroyed robots at the girls' feet. "Hey! What did you do to my promo-bots?" he asked in shock and outrage.

"Uh...promo-bots?" Sky repeated in confusion.

"How do you think I did the promotion tours for the show?" Chris asked angrily. "You think I went to all those malls _myself_?"

"You sent _violent robots_ to promote the show?" Eva asked in disbelief.

"Hey, they gotta _defend_ themselves," Chris explained, growing angrier. "Do you have _any_ idea what the average Total Drama fan is like? DO YOU?!"

"Hey!" Eva shot back with anger of her own, even throwing her arms up. "If you'd actually done something _helpful_ instead of sipping some stupid _cappuccinos_ or whatever, this wouldn't have happened!"

"First off," Chris replied as the camera cut in closer to the monitor, "I'm on to smoothies now." He paused to take a sip of a smoothie in a greenish cup with a long straw. "Secondly, I don't like your tone," he continued. "And thirdly! Thiiirdly! Dang," he paused, his momentum abruptly lost, "I had something for this. It was a _big_ one, too," he said, scratching his head with his straw as he tried to think. "Umm...uhh..."

Just then the shot cut to the door into the room as Heather was thrown screaming through it, the robot once known as Scuba/Bling/Pasta Bear charging in after. Heather landed at Sky's feet with a thud and a groan, and the camera panned up to show the two other girls tensing up for another fight. Eva picked up a severed robot leg and charged, the camera following her as she screamed, raised the leg like a club, and brought it down hard on the Bear's head.

Both head and leg were completely smashed, and Eva just glared as the robot sparked, then fell over. "Weak," she grunted," dusting her hands off then walking back over to Sky.

"Right, thirdly," Chris said as the camera panned back to follow Eva, "one of Mike's other personalities has taken control of the island and is gonna kill everyone for like _no_ reason at all."

" _Duh_ ," Heather spat as she stood up.

"I hope Duncan and Brick can take care of it," Sky said nervously.

/

A flash took the scene to a close-up of a fist pounding against the control room door, the camera soon pulling back to reveal the pounder as Duncan. "Dude, open this door!" he yelled.

A tense note played as a monitor lowered nearby, showing Mal's scowling face. "No," he said simply.

"C-come on now," Brick asked nervously, "you don't want us to _die_ , do you?"

Mal snorted. "Might as well. Less annoyances running around, _and_ Mike won't have to deal with the people he stupidly thought were his _friends_ voting him off."

"W-we weren't gonna vote him off," Brick stuttered as Duncan looked away.

"Weren't you?" Mal questioned. "After he let your 'friend' Owen be voted off? After how much of a _danger_ he's shown himself to be simply for letting _me_ take control? Don't make me laugh..."

Brick looked away and rubbed his neck in shame, but Duncan just angrily pounded on the door again. "You're darn _right_ we're voting you off! And even if the island blows up and you somehow _survive_ , you're _still_ going back to juvie!"

"Duncan, stop," Brick said, grabbing his partner by the arm and stopping him from pounding on the door again. "I know you're mad, but this isn't working. We gotta withdraw and come up with a new strategy."

Mal laughed. "Hey, looks like one of you has a brain after all," he said. "At least enough of one to realize that threatening me with prison won't work, anyway. I _want_ to go back there," he explained to the shock of Duncan and Brick. "Locked away from the rest of the world, surrounded by a bunch of easily-controlled peons...I can't think of any place I'd rather be, and I figure a bunch of high-profile _deaths_ might just be a good way to get there."

Duncan and Brick gasped as the music spiked. "So why don't you two just sit back and accept your fates," Mal told them, laughing as the monitor rose back up into the ceiling.

"Five minutes remaining, "the computerized voice said.

"Dude," Duncan told Brick, both wide-eyed with shock, "this is worse than I thought. If we don't force our way in, we're done for."

Brick gulped, then took a breath and closed his eyes. "Alright soldier, remember your training," he told himself. "The objective is trapped behind a locked door, the person inside can't be reasoned with, and you've got a time limit that prevents escape." He took a breath. "Find an alternate entrance, or say your prayers," he said in a more commanding tone.

"Okay, dude, but I don't know if we have time," Duncan said as he began looking around the room.

"I know, but we gotta try something," Brick said, looking around anxiously. "And, uh, if we don't make it out of here," he said, pausing and gulping, "I just...just wanted to let you know that I lo-"

Just then, the door opened and the three girls ran in. "I know how to get in!" Heather shouted. "Just break the keypad thingie!"

Duncan and Brick gasped and shared a look, then the punk turned and gave the keypad a swift kick.

The shot cut outward as the door decidedly _didn't_ open.

"Wow, great idea," Duncan sarcastically told Heather.

"Bu...but that's how _he_ got in," Heather sputtered, gesturing at the door. "He just broke the lock and the door slid open!"

" _No_ ," Mal countered, the monitor sliding back down with the video feed of him still on it. "I shorted out the _keypad_ which caused the door to open. The _lock_ still works just fine." Heather gasped, then growled as Mal pressed some unseen button that turned the monitor off.

"Well, might as well try finding an air vent now," Duncan said, the music trilling tensely as he cracked his knuckles.

He was interrupted by the monitor turning back on. "Hey, how's it going on your end?" Chris asked.

"The door's still locked and Mal won't budge," Sky said.

"Right," Chris nodded before turning to the side and calling out "Chef, move us to a safe distance! She's gonna _blow_!"

"What?!" Sky said in disbelief.

"You're letting us _die_?!" Heather added.

"Hey, you all signed a release," Chris replied. "One million bucks is a _lot_ of cash."

The campers immediately began to protest, their angered voices all rising up and mixing together until Chris cut them off with a blow from his airhorn. "ZIP IT!" he shouted, and the camera cut back to the monitor to show him smiling. "Just wanted to do that one last time. Later guys!"

The monitor shut off once more, and a few deep notes played as the campers shared a worried look.

"Oh God, we're really gonna _die_ aren't we?" Heather said in a panic.

"Ugh, if only we could figure out how to bring _Mike_ back, our problems would be solved" Sky said, a hand on her forehead as she tried to think. "There's gotta be some way to _do_ that!"

"Don't look at me," Duncan said as everyone and the camera turned to him. "I only knew him as _Mal_ in juvie, I didn't know he could be anyone else before the show."

The camera focused in on Brick as his brow furrowed. "Well...he had to have switched back at some point in time otherwise he never woulda gotten out of juvie, right?" he guessed.

"Uh, uh," Duncan said, rubbing the sides of his head in thought. "I'm pretty sure Mike said something about him starting therapy in juvie which helped him get ridda Mal the first time, but he never told me _how_."

"Maybe it was the therapy _itself_ ," Sky guessed. "Someone helped him through his problems, and that gave Mike the strength to come back. And I'm pretty sure his other alternate personalities could hear us when they weren't in control, so maybe he can too?"

"But that doesn't _help us_ unless we know what caused Mal to come back or whatever," Heather pointed out frantically.

Eva gasped in realization. "It's Owen!" she declared, receiving confused looks from the others. "That's the only thing that makes sense!"

"He _did_ seem pretty torn up after that," Brick said, rubbing his chin in thought. "And seeing how mad Duncan was, and then what happened to Leshawna...that's _gotta_ be when Mal showed up."

"So?" Duncan asked in disbelief. "That doesn't help us at all, Owen's not here!"

"He doesn't need to be," Eva said, shoving past him and pounding on the door. "MIKE!" she yelled, the camera cutting inside the control room to show Mal, reclining in the desk chair watching the timer count down, flailing in surprise at the sudden call. "If you can hear me, you shouldn't beat yourself up over voting for Owen! _Nobody_ deserved to go home that night, you did the right thing by giving me and him a fair chance! Heck, I'm _grateful_ you did it, and I still think of you as a friend."

Mal winced, then rolled his eyes and snorted in contempt.

The shot cut back out to the hall as the campers shared a nervous look. "That's probably not gonna be enough," Eva told them.

"Eva's right," Sky said. "You guys need to talk to him too," she told Brick and Duncan.

"Right," Brick nodded, marching over to the door and knocking on it. "Mike, this is Brick. I just wanted to say," the camera cut back to Mal shooting an annoyed glare at the door, "that I'm _not_ angry with you for voting for Owen. It was a difficult decision you made, and I don't think any of us blame you for doing what you thought was right! And...and I still think of you as a friend, too!"

"Yeah, right!" Mal shouted back, immediately clasping his hands over his mouth – his expression moving quickly from surprise to anger.

The shot cut back outside as the other campers shared another look, this one more hopeful. "Your turn, Duncan," Brick said, pulling the punk towards the door.

Duncan sighed in annoyance and rubbed his neck. "Fine, fine," he grumbled. "Look, dude, I won't lie to you," he said, the shot cutting back to Mal as he listened in and raised an eyebrow. "I'm still pretty ticked off about what happened to Owen," Duncan admitted, and Mal rolled his eyes. Then came the sound of someone getting hit, and a hushed "Dude!" from Duncan.

"Look, what you did _hurt_ me, dude," Duncan continued with a hint of reluctance in his voice. "And it hurt _Owen_ even more. But," he paused and sighed, "it's obvious that _you're_ hurting a lot too, and even as mad as I am I can understand how you feel. And if a guy like _me_ can do that you better believe _Owen_ can do it too. What happened hurts, but it's _not_ your fault he lost that tiebreaker, dude."

As he spoke, the camera cut in closer to Mal as his eyes went wide. "If anything, it's _Chris'_ fault for choosing it. But either way, I _forgive you_ for what you did, okay? And I know Owen enough to say that he's forgiven you by now too!"

Then, all at once, an emotional yet ominous melody welled up, Mal inhaled, and his face took on Mike's features once more. "You...you really mean that?" Mike asked hopefully, beginning to tear up.

The shot cut back to the hall as the other campers exchanged smiles. "Heck yeah, dude!" Duncan replied. "Now shut down the self-destruct so we can get out of here!"

The music became tense again as Mike was shown shuddering. "I don't know if I have time to figure it out, Mal's _really_ fighting to retake control!" he shouted, quickly swiveling around to face the computer. "But I'll do what I can!" he said, quickly pressing a few buttons before he inhaled sharply, Mal's features returning once again.

"NO!" Mal shouted, whirling around – the camera quick-panned over to show the door opening, and the other campers charging in. "I won't let you!" he growled, running at them but immediately tripping.

As soon as he hit the ground, Mike took control again. "Guys, quickly!" he pleaded.

"Leave it to me!" Brick said, running past as Mike started to struggle with himself, arm grabbing leg and fist punching face as he and Mal quickly alternated control of the body, the camera pulling back to show the others watching with shock and horror.

"What do we do?" Sky asked.

"Die!" Mal replied, the shot cutting in close as he slammed to the ground.

"No!" Mike said, the shot cutting to a different place as he slammed down again. "They're my friends!"

"They're only gonna hurt you, just like everyone else!" Mal shouted, slamming down in a different place again.

" _You're_ the only one that's hurting me!" Mike countered.

"It's for your own good!" Mal said. "And if you cared about them, you'd never wanna let them be around you!"

"No!" Mike replied, the shot cutting to the other four as they shared a look of horrified confusion.

"You're a _monster_ , Mike!" Mal taunted. "A _freak_! Everyone can see it! All you do is _take_ from people, time and patience and everything else! And then you hurt them, just like you hurt Owen! Just like you hurt all your _other_ so-called friends!"

" _You_ hurt them!" Mike countered. " _You're_ the monster!"

"I'm a _part_ of you, don't you understand that yet?!" Mal roared. "You can't get rid of me!"

"I...I think I _get_ that now," Mike said, faltering slightly even as he regained control again. "You're something I have to live with, just like all my other alters. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna let you do whatever you want!" he added with renewed determination. "That doesn't mean I need you, now or ever again!" He grunted as if in agony, then Mal regained control once more.

"I'm here _because_ you needed me!" Mal said sharply. "I'm the _only_ one that can protect you when it really counts! And now we're gonna _die_ because _you_ won't let me get to the escape pod!"

"Self-destruct, _terminated_." The computer's voice rang loud and clear through the room, causing the music to cut out and Mal and those watching him to pause. The camera pulled out to show the room's monitors displaying 00:00 against bluish backgrounds, and Brick standing proudly at the main console.

"Thank you, explosives deactivation training," he said with an almost cocky smile, snapping off a sharp salute.

The shot cut to Mal's close-up, the dark altered gaping in shock. He inhaled sharply and Mike returned, then smiled brightly. "Yes!"

The other inhaled as if to cheer as well, but were cut off by the main monitor switching to a video feed of Chris. "Guys, before you all die," he said calmly, "I just wanted to say that... _OH_!" he said in realization upon opening his eyes and seeing the room. "Whoa! You took down Mal! _Nice_ ," he laughed, " _way_ better than dying, am I right?"

"Yeah, no thanks to _you_ ," Duncan shot at him angrily.

A sharp inhalation got his attention, and the music rose up quickly and dangerously as Mal ran past. "No. NO. _NO_!" he shouted in rapidly rising fury, shoving Brick aside and punching the monitor, causing a shower of sparks and an electrocution he didn't seem to notice. Brick and Duncan promptly grabbed him by the arms and pulled him away.

The shot cut to Chris, sitting in the copilot's seat of the helicopter's cabin with Chef beside him. " _Not_ the _computer_!" the host exclaimed as the console in front of him crackled with electricity, then started to smoke.

"Island Sector A," the computerized voice announced as the shot moved to a raging forest fire...and the barn that had been built by Pimâpotew Kinosewak burning along with it, "combustion initiated." The shot cut next to one of the windows of the helicopter, Chris pressing his face against it to look outside. "Island Sector B, cryoactivation completed," the computer said as the shot cut to an iced-over portion of the forest, snow falling and a sasquatch frozen in ice sliding by.

"Grrrreat," Chris said dryly as he returned to his seat, the camera jumping outward to show the entire island – the left half now engulfed in flame, the right have covered in ice.

/

The scene faded ahead to the next night, the usual elimination music beginning over a shot of the area where the Cannon of Shame was located. "I know I normally hand these out to those who are _not_ being eliminated," Chris said, the shot cutting in close to show him holding a tray of marshmallows, as well as Chef, Sky, Eva, Brick, Duncan, and Heather. "But today, I feel a _special_ ceremony is called for," he continued with an almost mischievous tone.

He turned, picked up a marshmallow, and prepared to throw it. "You, are _so_ eliminated," he said before throwing the marshmallow. The shot cut to it – and several other marshmallows shortly after - hitting Mal in the face, the boy stuck in the muzzle of the cannon. "You're more eliminated than _anyone's_ _ever_ been eliminated. Even that evil little _gnome_ kid," Chris said as the shot cut back to him and Chef. "The whole island's a _freak show_ because of you!"

"Oh yeah?" Mal shouted back. "Well good luck ever seeing _Mike_ again! I'm gonna be locked up for the rest of my _life_ after that!"

"Oh no," Chris said with a devious smirk as the shot cut back to him, his tray now empty. "I may not normally care for the safety and well-being of our players, but if it's to spite someone who shot trees at me I'll _gladly_ pay for a therapist. Have fun working out your _problems_ , pal!"

"Crap..." Mal muttered before inhaling sharply, Mike taking control of the body once more. "Thanks," he said with a smile. "I really enjoyed my time with you guys," he said, a touching tune playing as the shot cut to those waiting on the ground below, "and I'm _really_ sorry for the trouble I caused. I hope I can get through this and see you all soon."

He inhaled again, and his hair flopped down over one eye. "You'll regret the day you _ever_ met meeeeeee!" Mal roared as he was finally shot into the night. The five remaining campers were shown watching solemnly, all but Heather hanging their heads or waving sadly.

The camera moved back onto Chris. "Yeah, it's a little late for _that_ ," he remarked before taking a deep breath and turning his back on the cannon, the frozen yeti floating by in the background. "Well, we almost tested the Big Bang Theory," he told the camera with a smile as the capstone theme began to play. "But, at least everything's back to normal. Tune in next week to see who stays in the gang, and who goes bang. Here, on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

The island was still half-burning, half-frozen as the camera made its final zoom outward.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

...and that's that. Mal has been...neutralized, at least, and in a way that I feel makes sense. No offensively bullshit reset button; no self-harm or potential brain damage; just people coming together to forgive their friend for something he was seriously beating himself up over, thus taking away a big chunk of the pain that allowed Mal to resurface in the first place. Mal's not gone for good and I don't think he ever will be, but Mike did learn a bit more about how to control him even if it wasn't explicitly stated in-story.

I hope you're all satisfied with how things went down with Mal.

Other than that...well, like many reviewers suggested/predicted, I decided to delay the double elimination - it'll be next episode instead - since there wasn't any obvious way to go about it this week. I had considered having Mal injure someone...but it just didn't really fit the rest of how I wanted the episode to go.

Oh yeah, and both of the couples have developed just a little bit more, so that's good at least. Heather didn't really get to do that much, admittedly, but oh well. This was Mal's episode, after all.

So...let me know what you all thought about the episode! And stay safe, find yourself, and enjoy life as best you can.

Until next week,

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)

Owen - (8th Place)

Leshawna - (7th Place)

Mike - (6th Place)


	11. Chapter 11 - Race to Chris Mountain

**Author's Note**

Not long now, dear readers, before the finale of both the season and the series...I honestly don't even know what to say anymore. Let's just get on with things.

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Thank you so much. Mal was one of my biggest concerns coming in to the season, to the point that I almost considered just skipping him entirely. But after so much positive feedback, I'm glad that I didn't. I still don't know if I 100% did him justice, and I don't think I can really get confirmation of that from my regular reviewers alone, but at the very least I did better than canon (not like that was a very high bar to pass).

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thanks.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Yup, like most people expected last week was Mike's elimination. I'm glad that you and everyone else basically likes my interpretation of Mal; like you said he's pretty self-aware of who and what he is and I think that's a little necessary for someone like him? Anyway, I'm glad you're enjoying Eva and Sky and I hope you like what happens next.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Hah, yeah. Thanks for the review, as always.

 **GirlPower54:** Thank you, and no worries about not reviewing much.

 **Animation Adventures:** Thanks. I don't think I was 100% sure going into the episode how I wanted Mike to regain control beyond just a vague sense that it should actually be an emotional thing and that Mal shouldn't go away for good, but as I wrote it it just got clearer and clearer to me that what needed to happen was a good old talking-to. With situations like that, I feel like patience and especially understanding is key to help the person in an effective way; violence only makes things worse. Other than that I'm happy you enjoyed the development of the couples, not to mention Heather getting a bit of what's been coming to her. I look forward to seeing your reaction to the events of this week...

 **DSX62415:** Oh, most definitely. I'm glad you enjoyed the episode.

 **SilverMoon1912:** Haha, no problem. That reset button thing was never ever gonna make it anywhere near anything I write; like you said/implied it's just so offensive on so many levels. And really, I'm just so glad to get yet another positive reaction to my writing of Mike; I set out this season to make him more of his own character instead of just a disorder, and it appears that I've succeeded. I'm a little embarrassed to have yet another reviewer express their preference to my work over canon...but I am glad you're enjoying how things are progressing.

 **P. T. Piranha:** Awesome, glad to hear you've got a new favorite episode for the season! And yeah, I guess having a villain's motives be so...transparent, I guess, can certainly make them endearing in a way. Also, yeah, I did originally like Mike at first, but then I just kept reading more and more perspectives on him from neurodivergent members of the fandom, and it just made me realize how terribly he'd been written. Honestly, I do think I agree with you that the writers just didn't realize that they needed to give a character like Mike more of a respectful portrayal, but that sort of pervasive thoughtlessness can be just as harmful as active hate. Ableism, and things like it, don't have to be actively malicious to exist, but because of that it can make it harder to combat.

 **ashDanLand:** Yeah, thinking back even though 'Scarlett Fever' is kind of vague it does definitely spoil that the canon episode focuses a lot on Scarlett. So in that respect I'm glad I kept the title last week much more generic. And, uh, I guess you have some mixed feelings about the Final Five? Well if that's really the case, I hope these last few episodes helps make you feel better about them.

 **Commander Liv:** Ah. Well, uh, that's kind of an awkward way to put it but thank you.

 **Derick Lindsay:** Hah, always great to here things like that so thank you very much. I wouldn't really call Mal much of an 'older brother' type; if he is he's easily the most abusive one I've ever seen. But he does certainly want to keep Mike safe, for a certain interpretation of the word. And honestly, having him be taken down by a different way than Scarlett was an obvious choice...for starters, they're completely different villains with different motivations. But also because, like you said, the way Scarlett was beaten in canon was kind of bullshit. I'm glad my way felt much more like things coming together naturally.  
Interesting predictions about this week's elimination; I look forward to your next review. And yeah, it's a little upsetting for me too knowing that all my work these past 2+ years is about to come to an end...but it's definitely been worth it. Happy (late) Birthday, and enjoy the episode.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks. And...I think it's easy to not be offended by the canon portrayal of Mike and Mal if you don't have a psychological disorder...

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Thank you. And yeah, Mal taking Scarlett's role was pretty much inevitable; I don't think there's a good way to include him in the season and _not_ give him that role. I am, once again, super glad I decided not to give Mike a romance plot; it's definitely allowed me the room to really flesh him out as a proper character and not just a walking disorder. Interesting predictions about this week's events, but not much else to say besides that.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Great to hear it! Other than that, interesting predictions and I hope you enjoy what happens next!

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Yeah, to an extent at least Mike is certainly gonna try to reign in Mal more than he does his other alters. Just goes to show how effective talking to each other can be. And I wouldn't really say Mal would've gotten away with it had the island exploded, at least not from a legal standpoint; it's just that Mal didn't _want_ to get away with it. But yeah, the other reviewers have greatly agreed with you that my portrayal of Mike and Mal is an improvement over canon's; I attribute this to me treating Mike with actual respect as a character, and not bogging him down with romance subplots that take over the majority of his character that isn't devoted to his offensive parody of DID. Other than that, good assessment of the cast as always. And lol, hating Chris as much as Sasuke? I can't really blame you.

 **bruno14:** ...huh, he did get 6th place in canon RotI, didn't he? Another coincidence, I guess. I'm glad you enjoyed the Eva and Sky moments, they were fun to write. And yeah, Brick very nearly had his chance...oh well, better luck next time. And like with everyone else, I'm glad you enjoyed my take on Mike and Mal. I hope you like what happens next!

 **OMAC001:** Well then, thanks! I hope you enjoy this week's episode.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Glad to hear it. Though to be honest wrapping up Mike and Mal with a better device than the freaking reset button was incredibly easy. I'm glad you're liking Brick and Duncan's dynamic, and I hope you enjoy what happens to them this week.

 **link9753:** That so? Well okay then. I'm honestly glad that I was able to make use of that bit of Duncan's knowledge at all; for awhile I was worried I wouldn't be able to. Honestly, there's just not much else I can say at this point; I'm just glad you loved the episode so much.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** :) I'm glad you enjoyed the climax of Mike and Mal's subplot. And yeah, the couples are doing well...but who knows what could happen to them next...

 **Joel Connell:** Wow, really? Thank you so much! It's always nice to know that I'm getting better and better as a writer. And honestly, in canon I feel like they created Mal just cause they needed a villain and wanted to go a little, like, edgy with it? But then they basically wrote themselves into a corner in terms of how to deal with him, and just ended up going with the laziest and most offensive way to wrap up a plot regarding a kid's debilitating mental disorder.  
That aside, I will say that I've decided what I'm gonna do with the finale, but I don't wanna reveal it right now so unfortunately you'll just have to wait. And...I think I did here somewhere that Samurai Jack is gonna return, but the reminder is much welcome. And I hadn't heard that they're actually gonna make that Hey Arnold! movie, so thansk for filling me in!

 **graveexcitement:** Thanks! I'm glad that yet another of my beloved regulars is satisfied with my portrayal of Mal and how that part of the season wrapped up.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Hah, yeah, Chris strikes me as a person who is fueled primarily by hate and spite, and helping someone as a way to hurt someone else seems like a perfect fit for him. And yeah, I definitely had some fun with the couples, especially Sky and Eva and _especially_ them versus the robots. Not much else to say, I hope this week's Heather makes up for the lack of focus the past couple weeks.

 **I. M. Poik:** Yup, not much else to say. Mal really stole the show for you, eh? Still, enjoy the episode.

 **Star Saber21:** Hah, yeah, that scene was fun to write so I'm glad people enjoyed it. And yeah, Chris can be nice...for a certain very narrow definition of the word.

 **Codammy Forever:** Thanks. And honestly, like I told an earlier reviewer I think the canon writers just wrote themselves into a corner with Mal after hyping him up as such a major threat that nobody could really deal with. They probably felt forced to pull something out of their asses, which ended up being something incredibly lazy and offensive. Regarding Cody...well, I'll let you have your own opinion of him.  
As for how I shuffled the cast, I really only just used random dot org, they're really useful for randomizing just about anything. Nothing really advanced, I think. Though I will say that I randomized the boys and girls separately to get the right balance for each season.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Hah, thank you, but I think it's probably easier to figure out the flaws of a character in hindsight than it is when you're collaboratively creating one from scratch. I don't know how effective I'd actually be at making Mike and Mal better characters under those circumstances. But yeah, like you said Mal isn't something that's ever gonna go away for good. Perhaps he might be forced into dormancy like he had been, but there's always gonna be the possibility of him returning.  
Also, nice to hear another person enjoying Eva's performance last week, she's really become a fun character to write I feel. I eagerly await your next review.

And with that, the reviews for this week have been taken care of. Though we're getting down to the wire, that's no excuse to neglect **the wonderful TVTropes pages that has been put together by multiple fans. As always, I welcome all to add to it, and I appreciate what's already been done.**

The Final Five, if you've somehow forgotten, are as follows:

Boys: Brick, Duncan

Girls: Eva, Heather, Sky

Pretty straightforward, though it seems there's an extra contestant hanging around...well, I'm sure it'll all sort itself out.

For now, just sit back and enjoy.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 11 – Race to Chris Mountain  
**

"Last time, on Total Drama," Chris opened along with the capstone theme, the recap montage beginning with a shot of the island malfunctioning – mountains growing, trees changing, storms suddenly popping up. "We had some, uh, 'technical difficulties'," Chris said as a chill wind blew a raccoon past the camera, and a volcano grew before the contestants' eyes. "Then someone, clearly _not_ me," he added over a shot of Mal launching a group of tree-rockets, "accidentally activated the island's automated self-destruct sequence." The monitor displaying the self-destruct timer was shown popping up between the host and campers, and the montage flashed away.

"We had an hour to shut down the main computer," Chris explained over a clip of him explaining the challenge to the cast by way of a series of images on his tablet, "or the island would _blow_! Killing everyone who wasn't aboard a fancy helicopter," he said over a clip of himself being lifted off by the military helicopter as he formally began the challenge.

"Mike, or should I say _Mal_ , made it to the control room with loads of time," he continued as Mal was shown breaking his way into the room in question, followed by a shot of him kicking Heather away then walking over to the main keyboard. "But went _totally_ rogue, and decided to let the island blow up for his own twisted reasons. But through an impromptu therapy session," he continued as the montage flashed ahead to the other campers talking through the locked control room door, "the teens _gently_ talked down Mal," Mal was shown struggling for control of his body with Mike, "and carefully shut down the main computer," he added over as Brick was shown standing triumphant next to the deactivated self-destruct timer.

"I then took it upon myself to give Mal, or rather _Mike_ , the help he so _desperately_ needs," Chris said smugly over a clip of the conversation that led up to Mike being blasted into the night. "Starting, of course, with being shot out of a cannon," he laughed as the blast itself was shown.

The montage ended, and the scene cut to Chris standing proudly in front of a bare rock wall. "Today, five will compete," photographs of each of the Final Five slid into view around him – Brick and Duncan on the left; Heather in the middle; Sky and Eva on the right - "And it will be sweet! Who'll go kabloom, or should I say...whom? _Whom_ cares! Let's start the show. It's Total! Drama! Paaaaaaahkitew Island!"

The camera zoomed outward as always, and at its greatest extent revealed the current state of the island: the left half smoldering and the right half partially frozen; remnants of the damage done to it the previous episode.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A lilting tune began as the episode opened on the partially-ruined island, the shot soon moving to the long-banged male intern pushing the frozen sasquatch over to the chubby male intern, who took out a blowdryer and started using it on the ice.

/

The music continued as the scene flashed to the bunker, a green bird flying happily past the camera before it moved inside to focus on Heather. She was sleeping peacefully in what looked like a bed, but the sound of heavy footsteps caused her to stir. She blearily opened her eyes and yawned, but as she sat up to stretch her arms she bumped her head on something – and the camera pulled back to reveal that something as the top bunk of the set of beds she was sleeping in.

"Ugh, stupid bunk beds," she grumbled. "I can't believe the stupid barn burned down so I have to sleep _here_ now."

"Well I for one am _glad_ to be back here," Sky commented, the camera pulling back even further to show her sitting on her hammock while Eva paced the room while lifting her dumbbells. "It feels more like home to me," she explained, smiling at Eva as her friend walked past.

"Good for you, I guess," Heather said neutrally. "Maybe I'll get used to it before the competition is over."

"Why don't you just take the top bunk?" Eva grunted.

"Thanks for the suggestion," Heather told her with a pleasant smile. "I might just do that. But anyway," she said with a quick hand gesture, "when do you think the boys are gonna be back with food?"

Eva and Sky shared a look. "Hard to say, actually," Sky said. "Brick seemed a little _nervous_ when he was heading out."

"Well then, I guess that gives us plenty of girl time, doesn't it?" Heather said, and her roommates shared another look.

xxx

"Heather's...kind of a shady person," Sky confessed. "She puts on a pretty convincing 'nice girl' act, but the moment you let your guard down BOOM!" Sky pounded her fist, "It's all strategy talk. I wanna win the million as much as anyone else, but I still take the time to get to know the others. Still, with five people left in the game me and Eva are gonna need a third person to make sure we can get to the end, and Heather's our best choice. An alliance with her can't be _too_ bad, can it?"

xxx

"So," Heather asked with a sly smirk, "what are you girls' thoughts on the game? We're at the Final Five now, every move we make could mean the difference between winning and losing. All of us need a strategy to get us to the end."

Eva snorted. "What _strategy_?" she asked. "We win the challenges and get immunity, then vote out whoever we don't want around."

"Umm, I think what Heather means, Eva," Sky spoke up, "is that we need a way to make sure _we_ aren't the ones voted off."

" _Exactly_ ," Heather said. "That's why I think the three of _us_ should form an alliance to vote out the boys."

"Duh," Eva grunted, dropping her weights by her hammock. "I'm not dumb, I was there when you suggested a girls' alliance the first time, remember? I knew it was only a matter of time before you brought it up again."

Heather blushed in mild embarrassment, and Sky stifled a giggle. "W-well, I'm glad you're both on board with this," Heather said, regaining her composure a little slowly. "Now, since both of the boys are _major_ threats, I'm thinking we play it by ear and not decide which one to take out until after the challenge."

"Fine with me," Sky said, Eva grunted in agreement as well. A few deep notes played, and the shot switched to a close-up of Heather as her smirk deepened.

xxx

"Seeing how I'm the only person left in this game without a solid Final Two buddy," Heather confessed with a hint of smugness, " _I've_ decided that my best bet is to play both sides – Sky and Eva," she raised her right hand and crossed her fingers, "and Duncan and Brick," she finished, raising the left hand and crossing its fingers as well. "It'll be tricky keeping myself in all of their good books," Heather admitted, "but since they need me if they wanna control the vote, I think I'll be able to get away with _quite_ a _bit_ right now."

xxx

Another lilting tune played as the scene moved to Duncan and Brick walking through the forest, picking fruit off bushes and trees and putting them in their packs. "Sweet, the pomegranates are ripe," Duncan said with a smile as he pulled one off a tree. "Want one?" he offered Brick.

"No thanks, I'm good," Brick replied with a short wave of his hand.

"Suit yourself, dude," Duncan said, taking out his pocket knife and cutting into the fruit. "Hey, so, I've been meaning to ask you," he then began, paying more attention to the fruit than his partner, "what was it you were gonna say to me the other day when it looked like our butts were gonna get blown sky-high? You know," he paused to pop a pomegranate seed in his mouth and look at Brick, "right before the girls arrived?"

The shot cut to Brick as he suddenly tensed up.

xxx

"Okay, I'll admit it," Brick told the outhouse camera, pausing to take a deep breath, "I think I'm in love with Duncan, or something like that anyway. Spending that near-death experience with him made it just so _clear_ to me, and I wanted to tell him before we died. But now that we made it through that, I, well," he sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, "I think I still wanna go through with it. I know he might reject me, and it might ruin our games, but..." He let out his breath, then puffed himself up proudly. "A cadet needs to know how to face danger _head-on_ , and charge forth bravely no matter the opposition. Do your duty, accomplish your goals, and leave _no_ man behind," he said, standing up and snapping off a salute, " _that's_ the cadet code!"

xxx

The static cut away to show Brick once more, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "Alright, this might be bigger than you expected, so brace yourself," he said, causing Duncan to raise an eyebrow in curiosity. "Also, this _miiiight_ not be the best time to say this, strictly speaking...," Brick added nervously.

"C'mon, dude, I can handle it!" Duncan said with a jovial smirk.

"I hope so...," Brick muttered before taking another breath. "Duncan, what I wanted to say was that...I...I think I'm in love with you."

The shot immediately cut to Duncan as he spluttered in shock along with the music.

xxx

"Yeah, wasn't expecting that," Duncan told the outhouse camera, his eyes still wide. "Not that I can _blame_ the guy, I mean it's not like I like him _back_ or anything," he said, growing more and more nervous, "I'm a _ladies_ ' man, not a _man's_ man. I mean, I'm plenty _manly_ ," he said, his nervousness fading into a boastfulness that seemed almost forced as he flexed his right arm, "I'm just, uh, not the kind of man that's into _other_ men. And if anyone says otherwise, I'll give 'em a knuckle _sandwich_ ," he said, looking from side to side before brandishing his fist at the camera.

xxx

"Uhhh...," Duncan said slowly, looking at Brick agape with shock. Brick frowned anxiously and opened his mouth, but was cut off by the sudden earsplitting sound of feedback coming over the camp's loudspeaker causing both boys to wince and cover their ears.

"Sorry! Sorry about that, "Chris apologized. "Seems like _every_ time I press this button," the high-pitched screech of feedback came over the loudspeaker once more, the shot cutting to the girls as they were shown wincing and covering their ears as well. "Yup, it's definitely this button," Chris said with an audible smirk. "Anyway," the shot cut to one of the booming loudspeakers, "time to join me at the base of Mount McLean. I just named the mountain," he explained. "I named it after me. Y'know? McLean? Cause I'm _awesome_? Aaaanyway," the shot cut back to Brick and Duncan, the two boys awkwardly looking away from one another with a faint blush on each of their faces, "just get over here _prrrron_ -tooo!"

/

A flash took the scene to a barren and rocky mountain trail, Chris and Chef standing on a slightly higher rock near the edge of a cliff while the Final Five stood nearer to the mountainside.

"Congratulations," Chris greeted. "You should be very proud of yourselves for making it to the Final Five. Proud, and _utterly_ terrified of what awaits you."

"Let me guess," Heather said with a scowl as she crossed her arms, "the island's gonna try to kill us again."

"Nope," Chris answered. "The island is now _completely_ offline. Thanks to a certain _somebody_ whose name I _never_ wanna hear again."

"You _do_ remember you promised to pay for his _therapy_ , right?" Sky asked.

"That doesn't mean I have to hear about it," Chris said sternly before he resumed his usual demeanor. "Now, today's challenge is called 'Mount Ever-fast'," he explained, slowly spreading his hands in a revelatory fashion. "Which is like Mount Everest, only _this_ mountain was modeled after one in Canada."

"Who cares?" Eva asked, throwing her arms up in frustration. "Just get on with it!"

Chris sighed in annoyance. "The rules are simple," he continued in a put-upon tone. "At the top of Mt. McLean is a flag," he explained with a point upward, the camera quick-panning up to show a small pinkish pendant flag waving from a metal flagpole at the peak of the mountain. "First one to capture the flag wins immunity, _and_ gets to feed on a _fabulous_ take-out dinner. The _last_ one to make it to the top is gonna _suffer_ , so I suggest you don't dawdle. Chef?" he said, turning to the right as his assistant stepped forward with an armful of climbing packs. He tossed them at the campers and they all landed on the ground with a heavy thud as the Final Five immediately began to talk all at once, their tone questioning but their words indistinguishable.

They were cut off by a blast from Chris' airhorn. "Go!" he commanded, and a fast-paced challenge tune began as the five raced up the trail – Eva and Brick out front, then Sky and Duncan, then Heather in the rear.

Then the music cut out abruptly as the shot returned to Chris and Chef, and the host sighed happily. "You know, I don't say this much but I _really_ like this year's cast. Lotta good moments, even from the losers who got eliminated early on."

"You really mean that?" Chef asked with a hopeful smile.

"Surprisingly, I do," Chris admitted. He took a deep breath in through his nose, then added "Alright, time to make their lives _miserable_." He pulled out his remote control and pressed the button, an ominous riff playing as the camera pulled back an a large green shipping crate was lowered down in front of the two men. It hug about a foot off the ground, and without warning a scaly fist and the snout of a crocodile burst through two separate parts of it.

/

The challenge music resumed as the scene moved back to the mountain trail where Brick and Eva were charging onward, glaring competitively at one another. Duncan and Sky were right behind them, but Sky soon looked back. "You doing alright back there, Heather?" she asked, the shot cutting to the girl in question still running along at the back, her hair tied into a long ponytail. "I don't want you to have to suffer whatever penalty Chris has cooked up for whoever gets last place."

"Neither do I," Heather said with a twinge of annoyance, "but its not like I'm an _athlete_ like the rest of you. I'm just not built for this kind of thing!"

The shot cut to a close-up of Duncan as he looked backward and smirked, then slowed down so that he was alongside Sky and thus near to Heather. "Hey, if you need help stayin' in this I'll be happy to give you a hand," he said.

"Oh _really_ ," Heather said with a sly smirk of her own.

xxx

"Hah!" she laughed. "I _knew_ the boys would want to keep me on their side. Let the bidding war begin," Heather said, rubbing her hands together with a devious look to the side.

xxx

"I don't _like_ Heather," Duncan admitted, "but she _does_ owe me one since me and Brick helped her vote out Leshawna. Offering to help just gives me a chance to remind her of that, while _also_ keeping her away from the other girls."

xxx

"Just hop on my back, I'll carry you for a little while," Duncan offered, pointing a thumb at his shoulders.

"Hey, I'm not about to turn down a free ride," Heather said, still smirking as she darted forward and jumped onto Duncan's back – causing the delinquent to grunt. "You sure you're not gonna drop me?" she asked with sudden skepticism.

Duncan grunted again as he shifted her weight, then grabbed her under the knees and sped up so he was even with Sky again. "Hey, I'll have you _ladies_ know that I'm the toughest guy out here," he said aggressively. "Ain't _nothin_ ' gonna stop a man like _me_."

A dull note played as the camera panned to Heather, who rolled her eyes, then to Sky, who simply stared.

xxx

"Leaving Heather with Duncan _could_ be a bad idea," Sky told the outhouse camera. "But it _will_ slow him down, and that means he'll come in last for sure."

xxx

"I guess I can't stop you," Sky told Duncan and Heather before looking back over her shoulder and gasping in sudden fright. "But I do think you should hurry up!" she said in a panic, running ahead.

Heather and Duncan looked back too, and the music suddenly became dangerous as they screamed and ran off as well. Moments later a pack of crocodiles crawled through the scene in chase.

The shot cut ahead to show the pair standing on a relatively tall and craggy piece of rock jutting out from the cliff wall, the crocodiles waiting hungrily on the path below. "Stay back, you glorified _boots_!" Heather shot at them, shaking a fist at them menacingly but shrieking when the closest one snapped its jaws at her.

"Whoa!" Duncan gasped in shock.

Just then a monitor lowered down to the left with a mechanical whir, a lived feed of Chris relaxing in a deck chair already on its screen. "Actually, I think you're thinking of _alligators_ ," he pointed out. "These are killer _crocodiles_ , and if I were you I'd get moving."

"To _where_?!" Duncan asked in outrage before the crocodiles lunged upward, forcing him and Heather to jump up and cling to the corners of the massive monitor. They screamed as the crocodiles continued to jump and snap...but then something went 'baaa' off-screen, and the shot cut to the crocs looking to the right at a small goat eating flowers growing in the cracks of a rock. It looked to the side in sudden fear, then turned and fled – the bell on its neck jangling with each hop – as the crocodiles charged it.

"What?! They're leaving?!" Chris said in shock as the shot returned to the monitor. "I mean...woo! Close call," he quickly corrected, even fanning himself with his hands. "Hah, I am so glad you two are-"

He was cut off when one of the supports holding the monitor up snapped, causing the feed to cut to static and then off entirely. The other support snapped moments later, sending the monitor – as well as Duncan and Heather – crashing to the ground.

/

" _Hey_!" Chris exclaimed in anger and annoyance, the scene moving to where he was watching the challenge though his monitor was blank now as well. "How _dare_ they break my equipment! Do you know how much I had to pay for that monitor? Twenty bucks!"

/

"Aaagh...," Duncan groaned, a hand on his lower back as the scene cut to him sitting on the ground next to the fallen monitor. "Dude, that landing _bit_ big time. You okay, Heather?" he turned his head and asked, the camera panning to the right to show her already standing.

"Yup!" she said cheerily. "Thanks for the ride, I'll take it from here!" she added quickly, running off. The camera promptly panned back to Duncan as he gaped in shock.

xxx

"Hey, at this stage I gotta take every advantage I can get if I wanna win that million _bucks_ ," Heather confessed. "I came on this show to win money, and I'm not gonna _stop_ until I have enough to buy _whatever_ I want for the rest of my life." She sat there for a second with a far-off and happy look on her face before turning a scowl to the camera. "What?" she asked. "Who needs some big _plan_ when you can just have greed?"

xxx

"Ehh, I haven't really put much thought into what I'll do with the money when I win," Duncan calmly told the outhouse camera as he twirled his pocket knife in his fingers. "Maybe I'll buy some sweet hot rods and motorcycles," he said, rubbing his chin and smiling. "Or maybe I'll just buy myself a better lawyer, who knows?" he added with a shrug. "Either way, I'm not gonna win _anything_ unless I can keep Brick and me safe."

He nodded decisively, then blushed and opened his eyes. "Uh, because he's my number one ally, _not_ because he's kinda cute-" he immediately caught himself and shook his head. "I mean, not because he likes me ba-" he shook his head again- "I mean not because he...arrgh, forget it!" he said in sudden frustration, covering the camera lens in anger.

xxx

The tense music resumed once more as the scene moved to Brick and Eva, still running along the mountain trail. The sound of someone approaching caught their attention and the camera zoomed out they both back to see Sky running up to them with a look of fear.

"Sky? What's wrong?" Eva asked in concern.

"Where's Duncan?" Brick added.

Sky briefly looked back over her shoulder. "I don't know, I'm sorry," she told Brick. "He might be in trouble."

Brick gasped. "Not on my watch!" he declared, skidding to a stop then charging back down the trail.

The camera moved to Sky and Eva as they looked at each other. "Nice distraction," Eva said with a small smile.

"I was being serious," Sky replied. "And I'm kinda guilty about running away and leaving Duncan and Heather behind. I thought they'd be behind me, but I was too focused on escaping that I never really made sure."

"They'll be fine," Eva told her. "They made it _this_ far, didn't they?"

"True...," Sky admitted. "Duncan and Heather can probably take care of themselves, especially if Brick's going back to help them. We should focus on winning."

"Right," Eva nodded.

xxx

"When I win the million dollars," Sky explained matter-of-factly, "I'll hire the _best_ Olympic trainers in the world and win gold in every event at the Summer _and_ Winter Olympics. So no matter what I am getting that flag!"

xxx

"Don't get me wrong, I like how considerate Sky is," Eva told the outhouse camera. "It's one of her best traits, along with her sense of honor, her gymnastic talent," she counted off on her fingers, "and her competitive spirit. But we can't really afford to be that nice right now, losing the challenge because one of the others _might_ be in danger is pretty dumb. Then again," she added awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, "maybe I'm just being a giant hypocrite again cause if it was _Sky_ who was somehow in trouble I'd totally go back myself."

xxx

The static cut away to show the two girls gasping and sliding to a stop as the path in front of them ended, and the camera pulled back to show a series of flat-topped stone pillars before them and a stream of lava pouring from a crack in the mountain wall.

" _Now_ what?" Sky exclaimed.

Another monitor lowered down from the rock wall with a video feed of Chris on its screen. " _Now_ you hop from one hoodoo to the next," he explained, the camera panning to the right across the hoodoos to where the trail resumed, "until you make it across. And there's a trick to it, so listen up, this is important: Don't fall," he said emphatically as the camera returned to the monitor, "to, your _death_." He broke out in raucous laughter, and the girls shared a scowl.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna climb down using the gear you gave us," Eva said gruffly.

"And then back up the other side!" Sky finished with a growing smile. "We won't have to risk the hoodoos at all!" she said, exchanging a high-five with Eva.

"Sure," Chris said with an impish smile, "if you think you have time before the crocodiles arrive."

"Crocodiles?" Eva repeated in confusion as Sky's expression fell into dread.

"Oh no, I almost forgot about those," she moaned as a chorus of snarls rose up in the background, joined by an approaching scream. Sky and Eva looked back down the trail, and the shot cut to Heather fleeing from the crocodiles in their direction.

xxx

"Ehh, I'm not really too scared of crocs," Eva said, her arms crossed and her tone nonchalant. "They're basically just big lizards with an attitude problem. And if this is what Sky's freaking out over, I gotta say I'm a little disappointed in her. I mean, we beat up a bunch of robots no problem, running from a bunch of slow reptiles should be a piece of cake."

xxx

"I know after everything that's happened a pack of crocodiles isn't the worst," Sky confessed. "The problem is that I'm already pretty tense as it is with it being so close to the finale and everything _else_ that's happened recently," her breathing started getting faster and heavier, "and I'm _really_ embarrassed because I keep _saying_ that I need to focus and not rely on others to save me, which I was doing really good with at the _beginning_ of the season, but now I'm _not_ , and I _really_ don't want my spot in the game to end by getting eaten." She paused, her breathing quickly returning to normal "But like I said before, I'm _winning_ this no matter what, cause that's who I am!"

xxx

The static cut away to show Heather screaming as she ran up to Sky and Eva, the former catching her by the arms. "Heather, calm down," Sky said. "Where's Brick and Duncan?"

Heather looked back for a brief second. "I...I don't know," she said. "I barely escaped when Brick led those things back to me and Duncan like an _idiot_ , they probably got eaten or something."

"Well," Chris spoke up, drawing the girls' attention back to his smiling face on the monitor, "regardless of what happened to the _guys_ , you three have a choice to make about avoiding those crocs."

The shot cut to the snarling swarm in question approaching rapidly, then back to the girls. "What choice," Heather asked in a desperate panic, "we just gotta _jump_!"

To Sky and Eva's shock she barged past both of them, running up to the edge of the path and jumping.

The footage froze, a pause symbol appearing on-screen.

/

"Well, our Final Five might not make it out alive," Chris said, the shot cutting to him in his deck chair as the capstone theme began to play. "Will it be a triple elimination ceremony? Aka, _funeral_? Find out next, on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with booming dramatic music over a shot of Heather completing her short jump; she landed on the hoodoo, then immediately started to slip.

The shot cut to the monitor as Chris laughed. "Oh no," he asked in feigned shock, "did I forget to mention those hoodoos are greased?"

"CHRIS!" Heather shouted in anger before crouching down and grabbing the edge of the hoodoo, stopping her slipping. A shot followed of the pack of crocodiles slowly approaching and snapping their jaws, the camera panning back to Sky, Eva, and the monitor.

"Yeah, you girls should probably figure out how to get moving like _now_ ," Chris said.

Heather sniffed in disdain.

xxx

"He's just lucky that _I_ happen to have ten years of ballet lessons to fall back on," Heather confessed with a hint of smugness.

xxx

The static cut away and the music became much more gentle as Heather closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and and rose up almost on her toes with her arms above her touching at the fingertips. From there she slowly, gingerly, and elegantly stepped from one hoodoo to the next, never slipping once.

The camera panned back to Sky and Eva, sharing a look. "Okay, maybe this won't be as hard as I thought it would be," Sky said.

"Good, cause those crocs aren't getting any further away," Eva pointed out.

The two nodded, then an energetic and action-packed song started to play as they dashed forward to the edge of the path. Sky did a handspring forward, landing on the first hoodoo at a slide that allowed her to do a short hop to the next hoodoo, then the next one, and so on.

After Sky slid off-screen the camera focused on Eva, who shrugged and began to walk calmly across the hoodoos, stepping from one to the next without issue.

xxx

"Hey, if you're not scared of crocs or falling, then crossing some stupid hoodoos or whatever is no big deal," Eva confessed. "I _was_ kinda worried about Sky, though, since she seems to like being extra flashy with stuff like this. But whatever. She made it, _I_ made it, and while I don't completely trust Heather at least none of the boys are in sight."

xxx

"Took ya long enough!' Chris scolded the crocodiles as they walked up to the monitor. "Next time would ya _mind_ attacking the contestants instead of the local game?"

One of the crocodiles burped up a collar with a bell on it identical to what the goat had been wearing. "Ewww...," Chris said in disgust.

The shot cut to Sky jumping from the final hoodoo to where the mountain trial resumed, Heather already waiting impatiently for her. Eva hopped calmly onto the final hoodoo afterward, but before she could jump again Chris called out from off-screen "Swingin' log, comin' at ya!"

The girls gasped and ducked just before a log swung down from the right, sailing over their heads and continuing to the left out-of-sight. "And people say I don't care for the safety and well-being of our players," he told the camera with a mischievous smile.

The girls stood back up and Eva made her last jump, but as she was in the air the camera quickly cut away to the log swinging back down, then hitting her square in the back just as she touched the ground. "AAAGH!" she shouted in pain as she was knocked forward onto her belly.

"Eva!" Sky cried out in concern, rushing forward to Eva's side. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah...," Eva said, pushing herself up but then grunting in pain and collapsing again, getting caught by Sky.

xxx

"Okay!" Sky said brightly. "This is a setback for us, but Eva's carried me a few times so it's only right that I carry her. Is it _weird_ that thinking about helping her like this is helping me concentrate," she wondered aloud, a finger on her lips as she looked up. "Because it feels like it _should_ be..."

xxx

A grand tune started to build up as Sky hefted Eva onto her back to Heather's shock, then belched. "Yup, this is _definitely_ a tense situation," Sky said with an awkward smile, an embarrassed blush on her face as she looked from side to side.

"Whatever, let's just get moving before the guys show up," Heather said in annoyance, turning and continuing up the trail at a spring. Sky and Eva followed moments later, Sky straining with every step.

The camera panned back across the hoodoos to where the crocodiles were standing, whimpering in fear at the edge of the cliff. "What's wrong?" Chris asked them, the shot zooming in on the monitor. "Afraid of a little hundred-and-fifty-foot drop? Maybe this will change your mind!"

He pulled out his remote and pressed the button, the background music turning ominous as the crocodiles' eyes turned red. They growled and crawled forward on their bellies with a growl, and the camera cut to them climbing straight down the side of the cliff.

The music abruptly cut out as the camera panned back up and to the left to show Brick and Duncan arriving. "Alright, I don't see the crocs," Brick commented. "Hopefully we're not too far behind."

"Even if we are, I'd almost say it was worth it," Duncan said with a wide grin. "Wait til the folks back home get a load of what we did to the crocs that cornered us! That was like the coolest thing I've ever _done_."

They skidded to a stop at the edge of the cliff, and the camera focused in on the monitor – and Chris. "Yeah, well, you'll be lucky if _any_ of what you did gets past the censors," Chris scolded them. "Luckily, there's still plenty of time left in the challenge to make up for it," he added with a dark smile. "And, it's a long way-" to his shock his feed was cut off by the monitor's support suddenly breaking, sending the monitor plummeting into the hoodoo-filled gorge.

"Whoa," Duncan said as he and Brick looked down from the cliff's edge, "that's a long way down."

"It's alright," Brick said decisively, putting a hand on his crush's shoulder. "I'll get us through this, just trust me."

"Uh, sure, dude," Duncan said awkwardly, quickly stepping away from Brick. "But it doesn't look _too_ hard, heck it's like a kiddie version of that _other_ challenge where we had to cross the gorge in the dark."

"Oh, uh, yeah, I guess it is," Brick admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll, uh, just let you proceed then. Oh, but I'll be right behind you in case you have trouble," he added eagerly.

"Thanks," Duncan smiled before quickly adding "But I won't need it," in a tougher tone.

He hopped casually onto the first hoodoo and began to slip, only for Brick to reach out and steady him. Brick smiled, and Duncan blushed.

xxx

"I swear, you dorks at home _better_ not be lookin' too much into this," Duncan told the camera, brandishing his fist at it. "I'm just still bein' thrown off cause of what he said earlier. You would too! Your buddy doesn't just say he's in _love_ with you every day! Even if I _did_ like guys, the way he did it was _way_ too dorky for me. Trust me, once we get past this, things are gonna go back to _normal_ between us."

xxx

The static cut away to show Duncan hopping on to the final hoodoo, then quickly ducking as the log swung down from the right. Unfortunately, he did so just as Brick hopped onto the final hoodoo right behind him, causing them to bump into one another.

"Whoa," Duncan said, standing up in surprise and causing Brick to lose his balance.

"Oh no," the cadet said, windmilling his arms as he slowly fell backwards. The music spiked as it looked like he was about to fall, but became grand and triumphant as Duncan suddenly pulled him back. "Gee, thanks," Brick said with a dopey smile. "Looks like _I_ was the one who needed saving."

As Brick spoke, Duncan's gaze drifted behind him – and his eyes suddenly widened in shock. "Look out!" he said, grabbing Brick and pulling him into a crouch just as the log swung back over them.

"Quick thinking, too!" Brick said brightly. "Looks like I have pretty good taste in men," he added, earning a stunned look from Duncan.

xxx

" _Dude_ ," Duncan groaned, palming his blushing face.

xxx

The scene moved back to Sky and Eva, the former grunting with every step as she carried the latter on her back. "Sky, you don't have to keep carrying me," Eva said, "I _swear_. That log didn't hurt me that badly."

"W-well, if you're _sure_...," Sky said, stopping and letting Eva slide down a couple inches so she could stand on her own.

"Thanks for the help, though," Eva told Sky as she caught her breath.

"No problem," Sky replied. "Now let's go catch up with Heather."

The camera pulled back as they ran off, revealing that they had stopped just outside the entrance to a cave. Once they left the screen an ominous tune played, and the camera zoomed in as Heather leaned out into the open with a devious smile on her face.

xxx

"I'll admit, deliberately staying behind like this is a little unusual," Heather confessed. "But to be honest, even with my lead there was no _way_ I was ever gonna beat those two _sports freaks_ to the flag. Besides, I _seriously_ need to make sure the boys are still gonna vote with me tonight if I so choose, and sticking back is the only way I can do that before the challenge ends."

xxx

The static cut away to show Sky and Eva again as they reached the end of the trail. "Huh," Sky said, craning her neck upward. "Guess there's only one way we can go..."

"Yup," Eva grunted, taking off her pack of climbing gear. "This'll be a piece of cake," she said, sharing a confident smile with Sky.

/

The scene flashed back to the cave as Brick and Duncan ran up to it.

"Wait, stop!" Heather cried out, jumping out from the cave and forcing them to stop.

Duncan scowled. "Hey, thanks for _abandoning_ me earlier," he told her.

"I'm sorry, I just panicked!" Heather told him. "I still wanna work with you two, _trust_ me. It's pretty obvious that either Sky or Eva is gonna win this challenge, and since they're _both_ major threats in these things I don't wanna let _both_ of them stick around."

Duncan looked her up and down, then snorted. "Fine, then. We'll help you vote out whichever one of them doesn't win."

"Uh, not that I don't agree," Brick spoke up, "but I _do_ still wanna try and win myself."

Heather smiled. "Well then, it's your lucky day," she said, motioning to the cave. "Our only hope of getting ahead of them is to use a shortcut, and this might just be the one we need. And if it isn't, well, we were gonna lose anyway!"

Brick and Duncan shared a look, and Brick shrugged uncertainly. "It's a little, uh, d-d- _dark_ ," he admitted, "but I'm willing to try it if it's our only shot at getting the flag."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Duncan smirked, and moments later the three ran into the cave.

/

A dramatic tune played as the scene flashed back to the hoodoos...and the crocodiles, still red-eyed suddenly flew up with fire spewing out of their feet like rockets.

"Oh killer robot crocodiles," Chris said as the shot moved to him watching the crocodiles on his TV, "is there anything you can't do?"

/

The scene flashed back to Sky and Eva, the girls now scaling the side of the mountain with Eva in the lead and Sky tied to her a few yards below.

"So," Sky called out to her partner, "any ideas on who we're gonna vote out tonight?"

The camera panned back up to Eva as she stuck the handpick she was using into the rock. "I'm not sure," she replied. "Brick's the bigger threat, but Duncan's the bigger _jerk_."

"Yeah, I think I get what you're saying," Sky said as the focus moved back down to her. "I know the teams have broken up, but I still kinda wanna stay _loyal_ to the friends we made on them. We'll have to ask Heather what she thinks, though. You know, whenever we find her again." Eva just grunted.

/

The background music became tense as the scene moved back to Heather, Duncan, and Brick, the trio now walking up a slope through a cave. Brick was in front, holding a flashlight and look straight ahead.

"Eww, this place smells like a pack of wet dogs locked in a _storage shed_ ," Heather said, scrunching her nose up in disgust."

"Well, at least we're almost out," Brick said with a smile as the group reached level ground. "I can see daylight up ahead!"

The three immediately froze in shock. "Uh, that's not the _only_ thing up ahead..." Duncan whispered in rising dread.

The shot jumped outward to show the three at the right end of a room full of sleeping bears, an exit to the outside world on the far left.

"Ssh," Brick said as the shot cut back in to him. He pointed at Duncan and Heather, then jerked a thumb back over his shoulder. The three started to creep quietly to the left...and then a monitor showing the live feed of Chris descended from the cave ceiling.

"HEY!" Chris greeted enthusiastically. "I SEE YOU'VE FOUND OUR BEAR CAVE!" The music rose up dramatically along with a dangerous number of angry growls and mechanical whirs. "Oops," Chris said mischievously.

The shot jumped outward again to show the bears awake and glaring at the three campers with angry red eyes.

"RUN!" Heather screamed, the background music booming dramatically as the three made a mad sprint for the exit.

/

The shot immediately cut to the outside, a large flat area with a small tree growing to the left. Heather, Duncan, and Brick ran screaming out of it, the former jumping behind a large rock while the boys stopped in their tracks. "Quickly!" Brick said, pulling a large coil of rope from his pack and handing one end to Duncan; the two took up positions on either side of the cave exit and pulled the rope taut between them.

Moments later the first of the bears came charging out, only to trip on the rope and barrel end-over-end of to the left. The camera followed it as it rolled all the way off the side of a cliff with a series of metallic crashing noises, and several more bears followed it in a stream that started seconds later. Once the last one had fallen off the mountain and the din of their crashing falls lessened, the camera panned back to show Heather,Brick, and Duncan regrouping.

"Dude, nice work!" Duncan said, slapping his friend on the shoulder.

"Yeah," Heather added, "quick thinking. I'm actually impressed."

Brick chuckled bashfully. "Well hey, I _am_ a cadet after all. They do a good job teaching you how to think on your feet."

"Guess so," Heather said as they began to walk to the left again. "I bet you're really counting on those skills you learned to win you the competition, huh?"

Brick chuckled again. "Pretty much. No offense to you two, but I have every intent on _winning_ that million dollars."

"That right, big guy?" Duncan asked. "And, uh, what'll you do with it if you win?"

Brick froze up, causing the other two to stop and look at him oddly. "Uh, I don't really wanna say, it's kind of embarrassing..."

"C'mon, dude, it can't be _that_ bad," Duncan told him. "Look, I _promise_ I won't laugh."

An odd note played as the shot cut back to Brick's close-up, the boy rubbing his neck awkwardly before smiling. "Well then...once I win, I'm gonna use the money to go to...go to fashion school," he admitted.

Another odd note played as the camera jumped outward to show Heather and Duncan staring at him in shock, and Heather soon grabbed her sides and started laughing.

xxx

"Okay, I'll admit I wasn't expecting that from him," Duncan told the outhouse camera. "And also that it's a _seriously_ girly thing to do with the money. But I promised Brick I wouldn't laugh, and it would be too cruel even for me to just let the guy who _likes_ me down by not stickin' up for him, no matter _how_ I feel back." He looked to the side and rubbed his neck, tiredly adding "And don't get me wrong...I _don't_ like him back or anything..."

xxx

The static cut away to show Heather still laughing and Brick watching her with an anxious expression. Duncan scowled, then stepped over and grabbed Heather's arm. "Hey, stop laughing," he told her. "If Brick wants to go to fashion school, that's his business. If you've got a problem with that, then you can kiss your butt goodbye tonight."

A close-up showed Heather closing her mouth in shock, then smiling bashfully. "Right. Sorry."

"Good," Duncan said as he let her go and started walking again.

Brick soon came up alongside him with a smile on his face. "Thanks, Duncan," he said.

Duncan looked at him, blushed a little, then hurried onward.

/

"We're almost at the top!" Eva called down as the scene moved back to her on the mountain side.

"Great!" Sky replied as the camera panned down to her. "Just a little more and the flag will be ours." She stopped and frowned in sudden realization. "Or... _one_ of ours, anyway."

The camera panned back up to show that Eva had stopped climbing as well and was looking down at her partner. "Oh, uh, you can have it if you want," she offered.

"No no," Sky said with a quick shake of her head. "You've already done so much for me, I don't want you to give up your chance at immunity too. Let's just race for it fairly once we're at the top."

Eva shrugged and smiled. "Fine with me. Chris probably put some more dumb _traps_ up there anyway, no way we'll get a straight shot at the flag."

"True," Sky said, "but it's nothing the two of _us_ can't handle, right partner?"

Eva blushed lightly. "R-right," she stammered in reply. They resumed climbing, then a few moments later the camera zoomed in on her again as she looked down and asked "So, uh, what are you gonna do with the money if you win?"

"Hire the best Olympic trainers I can find," Sky answered. "I am _so_ winning every medal I can the first chance I get. You?"

"Oh, uh, nothing as big as that," Eva said, slightly flustered. "Mostly just a lot of little stuff, like leadership courses. Oh, and I've been thinking about maybe funding like a short action movie that I could star in."

"Hey, that's pretty cool," Sky told her with a smile. "I hope it works out for you."

"Thanks," Eva replied, blushing lightly. "I'd wish you luck in the Olympics, but I don't think you'll need it."

"Thanks," Sky said with a chuckle and a blush of her own. "But we should probably focus on beating the others to the top right now." She paused again. "Speaking of, I wonder what happened to Heather?" she wondered, furrowing her brow and looking downward.

/

The scene flashed back to Brick, Duncan, and Heather, the three now running to the right up the mountain trail. "Alright team, we have _no_ idea where Sky and Eva are so it's full-speed all the way to the top!" Brick said.

"We _know_!" Duncan and Heather groaned in unison.

/

A slow yet triumphant tune began welling up as the scene cut to the top of a cliff, Eva grunting as she pulled herself up to it. " _Finally_ ," she muttered with mild annoyance before reaching down to her side and pulling Sky up next to her.

"There's the flag!" Sky said excitedly, pointing to the side. The viewpoint shifted to show the small flag billowing in the wind, but the camera then panned down to show a monitor embedded in the rock below it – and a red-eyed robotic crocodile standing guard and snapping its jaws.

"Figures...," Eva muttered.

"But _how_ did it even get _up_ here?!" Sky asked in disbelief.

The monitor turned on to show Chris' smiling face. "Are you _kidding_ me? These robo-crocs can do anything!" The camera zoomed out as three more robo-crocs flew down to a hover above the first, flames still coming from their feet. "They're even equipped with the latest version of MyTunes!"

A dreamy tune that had once been the leitmotif of a certain former contestant began playing, and Eva and Sky – now standing on the mountaintop – shared a wary look.

"Anyway," Chris told them, "they're gonna eat you. Good luck!" he said as the three hovering crocs flew towards the girls.

Sky and Eva nodded at one another, and the dreamy background music was replaced by a more action-packed tune as they charged forward. The camera followed them as they met the crocodiles, Sky jumping over the first while Eva slid under leg-first. The shot focused in on her exclusively as she got back on her feet just in time to somersault over the third crocodile, then continue forward.

Eva slid to a stop in front of the flag with a smile and kicked the fourth croc in the upper jaw as it lunged at her, but just before she could grab the flag a piercing scream caught her attention. "Sky!" she turned and cried out in panic, and the shot cut to her smaller partner fending off the jaws of one robo-croc as the other two hovered around her.

"Hah...hah...," she panted, struggling to keep the jaws from closing around her. "Don't worry, Eva," she told her partner, "just take the win, I'll be fine."

The music spiked, Sky yelped, and the jaws snapped shut around her.

"NO!" Eva yelled in shock and horror as the shot cut back to her.

Chris just laughed. "Ooh, that's gotta _hurt_ ," he joked.

Eva roared and grabbed the flag, pulling it out of the ground and charging back towards the crocodiles with it held above her in both hands like some kind of spear.

But she quickly skidded to a very confused stop as the crocodile that had swallowed Sky suddenly stood up on two legs and started moonwalking in place, the same dreamy music issuing forth from it.

Then it exploded, taking out the two robo-crocs hovering nearby and revealing Sky, coughing heavily and blackened with soot but otherwise alive.

Eva gasped in excitement, then rushed over and embraced her. "You're alive!" she said, picking her up by the waist and twirling her around.

Sky laughed in close-up, then noticed the flag still in Eva's hands. "And _you_ won!" she said brightly.

Eva paused to look at the flag as well. "Holy crap, I did!" she said in shock and delight.

/

"We have a winner!" Chris announced as the scene cut to Brick, Duncan, and Heather still continuing up the mountain trail, a victorious tune playing as the three stopped and looked at the nearby monitor displaying a live feed of Chris and Eva. "Eva captured the flag and won immunity," Chris continued before leaning off-screen to the right and pulling Sky into frame, who smiled and waved at the camera. "Sky got here too, so that means the next two people here _won't_ have to suffer what I have in store for last place tonight."

Brick, Duncan, and Heather shared a nervous look, then started running again.

xxx

"I don't know what Chris has in mind for whoever gets last place," Heather confessed, "but I want _nothing_ to do with it," she finished with a decisive swipe of her hands. "So all I need to do is beat _one_ of the boys to the top...," she said with a crafty smirk.

xxx

Tense challenge music started playing as the static cut away to the three campers running up the trail, the boys still in front but Heather gaining. "Sorry boys," she told them as the camera zoomed in to her grabbing Brick and Duncan by their collars, "no hard feelings but I am _not_ about to lose this one." She stopped suddenly and yanked back on them, causing their legs to swing out from under them and themselves to fall onto their backs with a pair of painful thuds.

"You understand. Best of luck!" she told them before racing off.

The music faded out as the boys groaned, and Brick sat up. "Aww, this isn't good! C'mon, Duncan, we gotta hurry!" he said as he scrambled to his feet.

Duncan groaned in pain again, earning a concerned look from Brick and a shift to a top-down view from the camera – revealing that his right leg was bent under his body. "I don't think I _can_ , dude," he said, sitting up and wincing as he pulled his leg out. "My leg feels pretty messed up, no way I can avoid comin' in last now. You go on without me, I'll just take whatever the stupid penalty is."

As Duncan spoke the camera focused in on Brick, and when Duncan finished Brick's brow creased and he put on a serious frown. "Not a chance," he declared, the music rising up triumphantly as he bent down, the camera zooming out to show him lifting Duncan up onto his shoulders.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Duncan asked in disbelief as Brick started running off. "There's no point in taking me up, just leave me!"

"Remember how I said I might try to reform you?" Brick asked, the camera panning over to show his continually serious look.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Duncan answered confusedly, "but that was like ages ago, what's it got to do with anything now?"

"Well, just think of it as your first lesson," Brick stated. "One of the most important parts of the cadet code is to leave _no man_ behind!"

The camera moved back to Duncan as he sighed and shook his head, but smiled all the same. "Fine, dude, I get it. It's still _pointless_ , but I get it."

A loud cheer echoed down from the mountaintop, and the camera cut to Heather arriving at the plateau where Chris, Eva, and Sky were waiting. "And Heather takes third," Chris announced, turning to the monitor behind him which showed the boys still heading up the mountain. "Brick and Duncan should probably _stop_ working together and _start_ trying to avoid last place."

"No can do," Brick said as the shot cut back to him and Duncan heading past another monitor mounted in the wall of the mountain. A slower tense tune rose up as he sped up a little, then the shot cut back to the mountaintop to show Chris and the girls watching the end of the path.

The music stopped as a startled Duncan was tossed up onto the plateau. "And _Duncan_ makes it to the top!" Chris announced with glee. "Sorry Brick, but that means _you're_ in last," he added as the cadet pulled himself up into view.

"Dude!" Duncan said to his partner in disbelief. "What was that for, I told you to go ahead of me!"

"Heheh," Brick chuckled. "As if I could go through all that and just abandon the man I like at the very end."

" _Dude_!" Duncan hissed, blushing fiercely. The camera followed his glance to the side to show Chris and the girls giving them amused looks, then he groaned.

xxx

"I'll admit, that was a little closer than I thought it would be," Heather told the outhouse camera with a sweet smile, "but here I am, safe and sound and in _control_ of this game." She ended with an almost vicious sort of confidence a clench of her right fist. "All that's left to do," she put her hand down and resumed her sweet demeanor, "is decide if I wanna go with the girls, or the boys tonight."

xxx

The standard elimination theme opened over a shot of the moonlit island, the shot soon moving to the firepit.

"I imagined a different outcome," Chris said as the camera zoomed in to him and his plate of marshmallows, a few deep notes being struck shortly after. "But, as long as I get to shoot someone out of a cannon, I'll sleep okay. Eva," the shot cut to the girl in question sitting with Sky and smiling proudly, "you're safe thanks to winning the challenge." Eva caught the marshmallow that was thrown at her. "You _also_ win dinner," Chris added with a hosting smile as a slow country tune began to play, pulling out a brown paper bag with a picture of a bull on it. "Aaaaa takeout order from the _Prairie Oyster Palace_! You're nuts," he sang to a jingle, "if you're not nuts, about these nuts!"

"Ehh," Eva shrugged uncaringly as she caught the bag as well, and the camera panned onto the other four campers looking worried.

"Moving on," Chris said as the shot briefly cut back to him, "Heather and Brick, you received no votes against you." The two in question smiled as they caught their own prizes, and a deep note played as Duncan and Sky tensed up. The camera jumped outward as the other four campers all looked at her, but she simply smiled straight forward. "And that leaves us with a _loser_ ," Chris said with an impish smile as he picked up the final marshmallow, "in the form of _Sky_."

"What?!" Sky said with wide-eyed shock as the shot quick-panned over to her.

" _WHAT_?!" Eva roared, standing up and glaring furiously at a sheepishly cowering Heather.

"This can't be happening!" Sky stood and protested.

"Oh, it is," Chris said plainly before tossing the final marshmallow, the shot cutting to an eager Duncan catching it and breathing a sigh of relief with Brick. "You're done, Sky."

"No...," Sky moaned, tilting a hand back and putting a hand on her forehead.

"This is all _your_ fault, you _traitor_ ," Eva growled at Heather. "I oughta _pound_ you into _dirt_!" She raised her fist menacingly, only for it to be grabbed by Sky. Startled out of her rage, Eva turned and gave a forlorn look to her crush.

Sky shook her head and took Eva's hands in her own. "Eva, no. I'm a little touched that you're so angry about this, but hurting Heather isn't worth it. You can make her pay by beating her _fairly_ , in the _competition_."

Eva took a deep breath. "You're right. And trust me, I will." She suddenly hugged Sky, and the camera moved behind her back to show a blush on the smaller girl's cheeks as she smiled and hugged Eva back.

"I...I guess this is goodbye," Sky said sadly as they broke apart.

"Not quite," Chris interrupted, the background music suddenly becoming tense again as the shot jumped outward and the campers turned to him with worried looks. "Remember how I said the person who got last place was gonna suffer?"

The shot immediately cut to Brick as he gulped nervously. "Oh no," he said with wide eyes, the camera panning over to Duncan and then down to him putting a hand on Brick's.

"Oh yes," Chris replied with a devious smile. "See, since we had that non-elimination a couple episodes ago, we've got one player too many hanging around. So _I_ , in my unending _genius_ ," he said smugly, motioning to himself, "decided to make this a _double_ elimination by axing whoever got last in the challenge as well as whoever got the most votes. That means _Brick's_ outta here."

"Dude, _weak_ ," Duncan said in shock as the sombre farewell theme finally started playing.

Brick hung his head sadly, sighed, and stood up. "I can't say I like goin' out this way," he said, "but since it was either me or you," he told Duncan, putting a hand on his shoulder, "then I'm glad it was me." He pulled the punk into a quick hug, then broke it to sniff and wipe away a tear. "It was an honor to fight alongside you," he said, snapping off one last salute. "And...and I really do love you," he said, a touching tune playing as he leaned forward and kissed the stunned punk on the cheek.

Duncan promptly blushed and sputtered but nothing more, and the camera panned over to show Eva hanging her head in shame.

/

The screen flipped about its central axis, taking the scene to the Cannon of Shame – Brick and Sky both loaded into it and squirming uncomfortably. "Do we _have_ to do it like this?" Sky asked.

"Yeah," Brick chimed in, "why don't you just shoot us separately?"

The shot cut to Chris as he shrugged uncaringly. "Meh. We're kinda running low on time for the episode."

"Oh...," Sky said as she and brick shared a wary look. "You better win this, Eva!" she quickly called out.

"I'm rootin' for you, Duncan!" Brick added right before he and Sky were blasted off into the night with a pair of screams.

Chris sighed in contentment as the camera panned down to him, Chef, and the Final Three. "And five becomes _three_ ," he said as the capstone theme began to play, motioning to Duncan, Heather, and Eva. "Who _won't_ taste sweet vic-to-ry? Just wait and see, on the next, Total! Drama! Paaaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

Many of you predicted that a member of each couple would be going home this week, and most of you expected Eva to be among them - but, of course, you were wrong. Honestly, I like both Sky and Eva, but I felt like putting two canon finalists into the Final Three would be a little...off, I guess? Plus, I liked Eva the idea of giving Eva a little more time in the game over Sky... And the same could be said of Duncan over Brick, I guess.

Well, there's probably more I could say at this point...but a lot of it's kind of involving the last two episodes, so I'll decline. Though I do hope everyone enjoyed how the challenge played out; in canon it was another one of those 'winner wins immunity even though it's pointless in this situation' challenges, and that opened the door for me to make it a rather unique double elimination.

So...yeah! Let me know what you all thought, and I'll see you next week with the penultimate episode of the series. Until then, find yourselves and enjoy.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)

Owen - (8th Place)

Leshawna - (7th Place)

Mike - (6th Place)

Brick - (Tied for 4th Place)

Sky - (Tied for 4th Place)


	12. Chapter 12 - The Good, The Bad, and The

**Author's Note**

We're almost there, dear readers. Just one more week... In truth, I've only written about a third of the season (and thus series) finale, my schedule having been disrupted by sleeping problems and such, but since I don't have anything to write after it's done (besides my ongoing fic Total Drama Rebirth), I haven't been all that concerned. The finale will be next Friday, come hell or high water.

But before it can happen, the Final Three must become the Final Two. That's what we're all here for, aren't we?

So let's get on with the usual formalities. First, the reviews.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Really? I'm pretty sure I said in the Post Script for episode 10 that last week was gonna be a double elimination...well regardless, thank you for the review.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thanks.

 **DSX62415:** Hah, yeah, I think you're the first of many reviewers who were surprised that it was Sky and Brick who went home. But hey, I'm glad I'm still able to dole out a few surprises now and then this late in the series.

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Yup, just like many people predicted - the 'one from each couple' part, anyway. Interesting predictions/assessment regarding the Final Two, and I look forward to your thoughts on what happens this week.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Okay, it's nice to hear that I improved that episode for you :) As for Duncan...well, his insecurities will be resolved in due time. And yeah, this episode is certainly gonna be quite different from canon for exactly the reason you described - with none of the same contestants thanks to Sky's elimination, there's no reason for any of the challenges to be the same. And...yeah, admittedly I had forgotten about Heather being a finalist, so thanks for the reminder. Still, three canon finalists would be too much, so eliminating Sky over Eva still stands I guess? Interesting assessment of Heather's chances, and I look forward to your reaction to the semi-finals.

 **Glowing Insanity:** Yeah, Heather is Heather and that means playing dirty when it comes right down to it. I did consider making it not be three canon gen one campers in this Final Three, but honestly...I just liked this trio the most for what I wanted to do, I guess.

 **Animation Adventures:** Sorry man, every time you said you wanted it to be a guy-guy finale I just knew I was gonna end up disappointing you on that front. But, well, I'm glad you still enjoyed the episode. I'm glad everything was able to come together leading up to the elimination - Eva's much-deserved domination; Heather playing both sides; and the eliminations actually being reasonable and not an asspull like Jasmine's was in canon.  
Lol, Duncan denying his obvious feelings is honestly the way I thought this ship would have to work; I kinda wanted Duncan to act a little like Courtney in that regard. Oh, and I'm glad you mentioned the noodle incident with the crocs; I honestly had no idea how to get Duncan and Brick back into focus without dealing with the crocs somehow, so I decided to just do it off-screen and reference the fact that it wouldn't be shown for in-story reasons.  
Anyway, interesting thoughts on this week's challenges, and I can't wait to see your reaction to the semi-finals.

 **Derick Lindsey:** Yeah, I think a lot of people were expecting at least Duncan to be eliminated; but of course I had different ideas. Honestly, the relative placements of different canon gen campers in each shuffled season (as you mentioned with this Final Three being from canon TDI) is one of those coincidences; but honestly I don't really mind it - it's been what I felt was right for each season. And yeah, Heather voting for Brick was a moot point...and honestly, if she'd sided with the girls it wouldn't have worked out to well for her in the long run since they would've turned on her this week. As for Heather...yeah, she didn't end up doing a whole lot this season, but like you said it WAS only 13 episodes so I guess she had a pretty decent run overall.

 **P. T. Piranha:** Perhaps, perhaps. I guess only time will tell, eh? But yeah, like you said the previous challenge wasn't really the most exciting to begin with - but I'm glad I was able to do with it what I could. You're right that the nature of the Shuffledverse will greatly affect this week's challenge, though... Oh, and I don't know anything about the Persona series so I'll just take your word for it about what you said.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks, and yeah there really wasn't anywhere else to put the double elimination.

 **Klimmatt:** Yeah, lots of sad feelings...both from nearing the very end of the series, and of seeing Brick and Sky get eliminated. I hope you enjoy what happens this week.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Haha, well, not everything has to be like canon - that's the hallmark of this series, afterall.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Yeah, I kinda had to. I don't think one couple plus a third wheel would have been as interesting for the semi-finals. Heather...was admittedly overused in canon, but I figure since she's getting a much-reduced role in this series, and it's traditional for main villains to make the Final Three, giving her that role would be fine. Sorry for disappointing you. Not much else to say, but I hope you like this week's episode.

 **FOWLKON:** Ah, good to see you again! :) Not much to say other than interesting prediction, and I hope you enjoy these last two weeks of the series.

 **ashDanLand:** That so? Well, admittedly it was an unusual elimination in the original canon that I made even more unusual by making it a double, so I guess I can understand. And whether you read this episode this week or next, I hope you enjoy it!

 **GirlPower54:** Awesome, glad to hear it. It's definitely...a unique Final Three, I'd say, and I'm hoping it makes for an interesting episode.

 **OMAC001:** Hah, I'm glad you're enjoying the Final Three! I hope the semi-finals lives up to your expectations.

 **bruno14:** No worries, no worries. Yeah, it really is sad that this series is finally coming to an end so soon...but it had to happen eventually, and life will move on. And, hah, Brick isn't really the type to just kiss his crush on the lips like that, at least in my view. Other than that, I'm glad you liked the girls as well and I hope you enjoy what happens next!

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Fair enough, most people I think expected it to be the other way around with Sky leaving and Brick staying? Not sure. Anyway, interesting thoughts about Eva and the finale, but of course I'm not gonna spoil that. I do agree that it's a shame that Sky's belching talent never got used, not like there would've been a real opportunity for it to be. And...I think I can see what you mean with Brick; I guess that's the problem with writing someone who's never had a romance in canon in such an unorthodox ship, there's just no precedent for how he should be acting.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Ah, yeah, I can see how that'd be bittersweet, getting your favorite of the cast cut alongside the one you were least interested in. But hey, I hope it doesn't ruin the rest of the season for you (not that i think it will). And yeah, Heather was, pretty much by necessity, the start of last week's episode. That said...well, not much else I can say, really. Interesting take on what this week's episode might bring, and as always I look forward to your next review.  
Oh! Almost forgot to mention it, but I did read that pastebin of the personality swap fic you posted in the TDU note. It was better than I expected, a lot of the new characterizations made me laugh.

 **Knifez:** Interesting thoughts, interesting thoughts. And it's great to hear from you again, of course; I'm glad you seem to be enjoying LA, and that you've been enjoying the post-merge episodes. I can see what you mean with Mal's arc lacking a bit of 'oomph', though; I just don't know if there was a better episode for Mal to come out than episode 9.

 **Joel Connell:** Well, I guess that's good then isn't it? Twists keep stories like this alive. You're not the only one who was surprised by Sky's eliminations, but at the same time a lot of people did see it coming. But anyway, they're making a Legend of the Hidden Temple movie? I can't even begin to wonder how that'd work. It's definitely sad that this series is finally coming to a close...but it had to eventually. I don't think TD is that big of a cash cow, to be honest, but it wasn't awful either and there has been some talk of maybe something maybe happening maybe soon? And yeah, I know that Shed's TDU updated; I'd actually left a review for it before you posted your review to tell me it had updated, so...yeah. Thanks anyway.  
And like you said...even when one good story ends, other good stories still continue onward.

 **Piecesxoxo:** That so? Looks like I've been surprising people left and right with my eliminations last week. But hey, like you said Eva deserves more game time after such a non-showing in canon.

 **link9753:** Yeah, like so many eliminations it was a shame but it had to be done. Interesting thoughts and analysis about possible events in these last couple episodes; I look forward to seeing your reaction to the season's endgame.

 **Super Guest:** Thanks. Lots of mixed feelings regarding last week's eliminations; some okay with Brick going but not Sky, others okay with Sky going and not Brick...it's kinda nice to see that my readers have such a diversity of opinion, and really cements it in my mind that this season's cast was a great one. I'm glad you're looking forward to the Final Three's dynamic, as well as their challenges. I can only hope I don't disappoint.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Well, sorry to disappoint you. Honestly...I dunno, a Duncan vs Brick finale wouldn't have been too interesting for me. I guess there's an angle with them being in love like you said, but I dunno. It doesn't appeal to me that much. And honestly...I don't even know what they did to those robo-crocs, I just used the joke cause I kinda didn't know what else to do to get them back to the scene. I'm glad you enjoyed Heather's strategy last week; she hasn't really succeeded in much villainy this season, so when she does pull it off it needs to be all the more memorable. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the episode this week!

 **I. M. Poik:** Fair enough, I guess. I think I just like Duncan as a member of the Final Three more in this situation than I like Brick. And hey, there's still lots more surprises left in store for this season...

 **Star Saber21:** Well, I mean, I DID say the week before last that episode 11 was gonna be a double elimination. And who said there'll be a talent show this time around with no Sugar to come up with it?

 **Guest:** Unsurprising, I think, as basically every reviewer was surprised by last week's elimination in some form. And I can honestly say that I have zero interest in Kingdom Hearts; I have never played any of the games and I haven't heard anything about it that sounds appealing to me.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Yeah, that's actually the exact reason I changed the title last week - in canon it referred to Sky 'falling' by teaming up with a villain, but that wouldn't be the case here and it would basically give away that Sky would be going home. I'm pretty glad I managed to keep like every reviewer on their toes about who would go home; it just goes to show how good of a cast this is as everyone pretty much has a good meta-reason to go to the finale.  
Heather...yeah, I gotta say I'm glad I was able to pull everything she needed to do off; shes a great villain, and it was about time I showed off what I could do with her.  
And as for Brick...yeah, I can kinda see where you're coming from. I said this to another reviewer but I'll repeat it here: it might just be that since Brick was never in a romance in canon, there's no precedent for how he should act in a ship as unorthodox as Bruncan. Or maybe it's just a fault of my writing, I don't know. There's not a lot for me to go by in that regard.  
But all in all, I'm glad you enjoyed the episode and are looking forward to this week's.

 **graveexcitement:** Well, who knows what these last two episodes have in store for our prospective couples...glad to here who you're rooting for, and I hope you enjoy the semi-finals.

And that's that for the week - just one more batch of reviews to go, but of course they haven't been written yet. As I keep saying, go check out **the wonderful TVTropes pages that has been put together by multiple fans. As always, I welcome all to add to it, and I appreciate what's already been done.**

It needn't be said, but this week is the Final Three:

Boys: Duncan

Girls: Eva, Heather

But it won't be three for long. Who will be moving on to the final finale of Total Shuffled? Sit back, read on, and enjoy...

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 12 – The Good, The Bad, and The Explosive**

"Last time, on Total Drama!" Chris began over the usual long-distance shot of the island. "The Final Five took a simple footrace to _dangerous_ new heights," he said as the recap led off with a clip of Eva, Brick, Sky, Duncan, and Heather racing up the mountain trail, followed by a clip of Heather, Brick, and Duncan getting surrounded by a pack of angry robotic bears as Chris laughed. " _Man_ I love this show!"

"With Eva and Sky powering ahead," the two girls were shown climbing the mountainside with their gear, "and Brick and Duncan sorting out their _feelings_ ," Brick was shown confessing his love to Duncan before the challenge, " _Heather_ was free to play both sides." The Queen Bee was shown smiling and chatting with Sky and Eva in their shared half of the bunker, then meeting up with the boys outside of the cave shortcut. "Which worked out pretty well for her," Heather was shown getting a piggyback ride from Duncan, pulling Brick and Duncan back so she could get ahead of them, and crossing the hoodoos in front of the other girls all in quick succession. "Up until it _didn't_ anymore," Chris finished with a laugh as Eva was shown yelling angrily at a cowering Heather during the elimination ceremony.

"In the end, Brick was the last to reach for the top," Brick was shown climbing up to the mountaintop after tossing a shocked Duncan up to it, "and with Sky voted off, the cannon got a two-for of loserdom as _both_ got blasted off into Shame-sville." The montage concluded with brief shots of Brick and Sky saying goodbye to their loved ones, then getting fired off into the night together.

"The five didn't jive, so we're down to these three," Chris rhymed, motioning to the portraits of Duncan, Heather, and Eva lined up in a column on the righthand side of the screen. "And soon, one more of them will blast free. So, whoooo's going to be in your Final Two? _I_ wanna know," he pointed at himself, "don't you? Let's do! Here, on Total! Drama! Iiiiiiisland Pahkitew!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A lilting tune played as the episode opened on the bunker, but it was quickly replaced by something higher and more dangerous as the scene cut inside to Heather sleeping in her bed, a familiar shadow falling over her. She opened her eyes, and the music spiked as the perspective inverted, showing the silhouette of Eva glaring angrily down at her.

Heather screamed.

"Relax, _traitor_ ," Eva told her, the camera moving to a side-angle to show Eva lifting weights and Heather sitting up as much as she could in her lower bunk. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Yet." She walked away, and Heather gulped.

xxx

"Urggh, I can't believe I messed up like this," Heather growled in the outhouse. "I knew coming into this season that I would _have_ to keep myself from being the villain if I wanted any chance at winning, but oh no, I just couldn't _do_ that." She threw her hands up in disgust. "So now Eva's out for my blood, and I doubt _Duncan's_ gonna help me out."

She crossed her arms and huffed. "Way to go, Heather," she muttered. "You just _had_ to make things harder for yourself..."

xxx

"Hey, I promised Sky I'd only beat Heather in the competition, and I intend on sticking with it," Eva confessed before crossing her arms and looking to the side. "It doesn't make me any less _angry_ , though. Not only at Heather for screwing over Sky, but at myself for not telling Sky how I feel before she left. I mean come on, we were _right there_!" she exclaimed, sticking her hands out in front of her. "It was the perfect moment and I blew it! Heck, even _Brick_ managed to spit out that he likes Duncan or whatever..."

She crossed her arms again and huffed. "Whatever. I'll just have to tell her after I win. And believe me, I'm _gonna_ ," she told the camera in an almost threatening manner. "Heather's a conniving little toothpick who won't be able to cheat herself ahead for much longer, and Duncan's not even _half_ as tough as me. As long as Chris doesn't pull any _tricks_ , I have this game in the bag."

xxx

/

A few heavy notes played as the scene moved to the lakeside, showing Duncan sitting on a rock with a fishing pole in his hands. He sighed forlornly and looked at the bag of fruit next to him. "It just isn't the same without the guys around," he said before looking back down at the water. The camera moved over him to show him looking at his own reflection, which shimmered and reformed into the smiling face of Brick.

Duncan groaned and palmed his face.

xxx

"Okay, if it ain't clear by now I do _not_ like doing any mushy stuff, got it?" Duncan harshly told the outhouse camera. "That's how it's been my whole life. But after everything that's happened between me and Brick," he said, trailing off and sighing. "I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel anymore. Especially now that he's gone. Hopefully today's challenge will clear my head a little."

xxx

"Attention punching bags!" Chris announced over the camp loudspeakers. "It's that time again! Final Three," the shot cut to Duncan jogging alone through the forest, "to the meeting area! Prrrron-to!"

"Duh, like we're gonna miss out on a challenge this late in the game," Duncan muttered in annoyance.

The sudden sound of a motor approaching caught his attention, and he glanced to the side in surprise as Chef drove up next to him in his jeep. "Chef? What are _you_ doing out here?" Duncan asked in disbelief. "We _never_ see you outside of challenges!"

"Doesn't matter," Chef replied gruffly. "Now hop on, boy, I'll take ya to the meetin' area," he added as he reached out, grabbed Duncan by the collar, and pulled him into the jeep.

The shot cut in front of them to show Duncan looking around with wide, wary eyes. "Uh, not to sound ungrateful, but I'm havin' trouble not feeling suspicious about all this. Seriously, man, what gives?"

Chef sighed heavily. "Look, boy, I _kinda_ know you've been havin' some kinda _concerns_ about you and that soldier boy," he admitted with a few vague hand gestures.

"Uh, uh," Duncan said, his eyes darting around in sudden nervousness, "what are you talkin' about, dude, that's news to me!"

Chef scowled at him, then rolled his eyes. "Look, as a fellow tough guy, I gotta tell you that the act you're puttin' on isn't foolin' _nobody_ , _especially_ not yourself," he said to Duncan's immediate shock. "Now I ain't sayin' there's anything _wrong_ with bein' macho, but doin' it like you are 24/7 is just bad for your health. It's okay to ease up and let the rest of you show now and again, and there's plenty of ways to do it whenever _without_ losin' your macho-ness. Am I gettin' through to you, punk?"

"Uhh...maybe?" Duncan said uncertainly.

Chef snorted. "Then let me put it this way: part of bein' a man is decidin' for yourself what bein' a man _means_ , and then stickin' up for it no matter what two-bit piece of trash says you're wrong. And that applies to who you wanna _love_ , too," he said, looking straight at Duncan. "Trust me, I know from experience...," he said with an annoyed mutter.

"Wait, do you mean-" Duncan began, furrowing his brow in confused realization and looking at Chef.

The jeep promptly stopped. "Look," Chef told him, "all y'all gotta know is that you got way better taste in men than I ever have. Now get out," he ordered, thrusting an arm out to his left. "Or I'll make sure you're the next one in the cannon."

"Yes sir," Duncan said in a mild panic, scrambling out of the jeep and running off in the direction Chef was pointing.

The camera lingered on Chef just long enough to catch him smiling.

xxx

"What?" Chef asked the outhouse camera. "I couldn't stand watchin' that little criminal go down the path of stupidity!"

xxx

"Children of competition," Chris greeted the Final Three, now assembled before him in the meeting area. "Your toughest challenge yet will be in three parts. Head, to head, to head," he said as the camera panned in close across Duncan, Eva, and Heather.

"Great..." Heather muttered.

"What's the matter," Eva taunted, "worried you're gonna break a _nail_?"

"Oh, I think she's worried about more than that," Duncan added with a smirk.

The shot cut back to Heather's close-up as she narrowed her eyes. "I'm not _worried_ , I just don't wanna be ganged up on."

"Well you shoulda thought of _that_ before you went back on your alliance with me and Sky," Eva told her.

Heather scoffed. "Please. That alliance wouldn't have lasted this far anyway. At least _now_ I can reasonably expect _you two_ to go at it as well."

"This is true," Chris interjected. "Now, as I was saying, this is a three-part challenge with each player creating one part."

The Final Three looked at him with shock and a bit of excitement. "So I get to create my _own_ challenge, huh?" Heather asked slyly.

"You _all_ do," Chris repeated, "within _reason_. Winner of each challenge gets 3 points," he explained, holding up a trio of fingers. "Second place gets 2," he held up two fingers on his other hand, "and last place gets 1," he finished, putting his hands down entirely. "After all three challenges, the player with the least total points gets to see the inside of the cannon. _Briefly_ ," he clarified with a slight chuckle as the Final Three glared at one another.

"The two _highest_ scores get to battle it out in the _finale_ ," Chris continued, turning around and motioning to the side, "for one! Million! Dol-lars!" A grandiose tune played as the camera moved onto the standard issue briefcase full of prize money, the shot then pulling back to show it hanging from a fishing pole held by the chubby male intern. The line promptly snapped, causing the case to drop and pop open and the money inside to go flying.

"Whoa! Careless," Chris chastised. "Get that money back into the case pronto," he ordered as the intern tossed the fishing pol away, "or, you're fired." The intern kneeled down and started frantically stuffing the bills back into the case. "You have one minute to write down the details of your challenge," Chris turned and told the Final Three.

xxx

"Hah!" Eva barked out a laugh. "I'd like to see _anyone_ try to beat me in _my_ challenge."

xxx

"It's _tricky_ ," Heather told the camera with a sly smile, "but thankfully I have _loads_ of skills to chose from that the others will _never_ be able to beat."

xxx

"Hmm," Duncan thought aloud, rubbing his chin and looking up. "What to choose, what to choose..." He suddenly snapped his fingers and gave the camera a wide smile. "I got the perfect thing!"

xxx

/

"We begin out Final Three showdown," Chris said, "with the challenge created by...-" a drumroll played- "Eva!"

"Yes!" Eva said, pumping a fist victoriously. "In your _face_ , Heather!" she told the other girl as her fellow campers sulked.

xxx

"Getting an early lead is just what I need to make sure I win," Eva told the confessional camera. "Once the others see how powerful I _really_ am, they'll be _totally_ demoralized. _Especially_ Heather."

xxx

"Umm, _what_?" Heather objected. "Why does muscle girl get to go first?"

"Easy, Heather," Chris said, raising his hands in a placating gesture. "The order was decided randomly with the help of the interns.

/

The footage flashed back to show the three interns, each nervously holding a photograph of one of the Final Three – the tall boy holding Duncan, the girl holding Eva, and the fat boy holding Heather. Chris stood before them, blindfolded and with a dart in his hand. "Okay, here goes!" he said happily, the shot cutting in closer to him as he threw the dart.

A feminine grunt of pain and the sound of something being stabbed came from off-screen, and Chris raised his blindfold. He frowned, then turned and walked away with a nonchalant whistle.

/

"And Eva's challenge _is_..." Chris said as the scene returned to him and the Final Three. He motioned to the side, and the camera quick-panned over to show a pile of dumbbells, free weights, and other miscellaneous objects of various sizes. "A _weightlifting_ competition!"

The shot returned to the campers to show Eva grinning darkly and Heather gulping in sudden panic. Duncan simply gave a calm shrug.

xxx

"Hey, I might not be a the biggest dude around, but I still go to the gym," he told the outhouse camera. "I figure this'll be an easy second place for me, at _least_."

xxx

Eva opened the next confessional with a deep and satisfied breath. "You know what? I'm actually hoping Heather lasts a little while, just so it'll be all the more _funny_ when she finally gets crushed under her weights."

xxx

"Here's how this is gonna work," Chris explained, the cast now standing among the weights with a bar in front of each camper. "We'll be doing this in rounds, with each round adding something more for you to lift. But since a plain ol' deadlift isn't exactly _exciting_ , I'm gonna change things up a little. Some of your 'weights' won't so much be _heavy_ as they are filled with something that'll make your life _miserable_."

The shot cut to the campers as Heather and Duncan groaned, Eva simply snorting. "If you drop your bar during a round or fail to pick it up by my signal, you're out," Chris continued, the camera panning slowly across him "Last one standing wins the challenge."

/

A flash skipped the footage ahead a little, the camera panning across the three bars resting on the ground – each with a single smallish-looking weight on either end. "Alright," Chris said with a smile, the shot cutting outward to show him and Chef standing to the side with Heather, Eva, and Duncan, lined up behind the bars. "Round one begins... _now_!"

The Final Three immediately bent down, and each in turn was shown picking up the barbell in front of them with little effort, even from Heather as she lifted her bar clear above her head alongside her competitors. "Just keep holding 'em like that," Chris told them, now holding a stopwatch.

Eva snorted. "Please, I could hold this up all day."

"Luckily for the viewers, you won't have to. Round over!" Chris said, the three promptly setting their barbells down on the ground. "Now that the warm-up's over, Chef," he turned to his assistant, "load 'em with the next set." He and Chef shared a devious grin as the larger man walked over to one of the crates, pried open the top with a crowbar, and produced a stack of six weight easily more than twice the size of the ones already on the bars.

The shot cut to a close-up of Heather gaping in shock at Chef as he bent down and put the weights on Duncan's bar, then moved over to do Heather's. "Shouldn't you be increasing the weight _slowly_? _Please_ tell me those aren't as heavy as they look," she objected as he stood up in front of her and walked on to the left.

Chris snickered in amusement as the camera jumped back out to show the full cast again, Chef rejoining the host at the side. "Don't worry, you're about to find out. Round two, start!" He pressed the button on his stopwatch again, and the Final Three quickly bent down and picked up their barbells...Heather quickly becoming surprised by the ease at which she was able to get it above her head.

"Pfft, this is barely double what we lifted last time!" Duncan scoffed.

"That's cause those weights are hollow," Chris explained. "We needed the room to store something else in 'em."

The three campers' brows shot up in alarm, and tense and dangerous music suddenly rose up as the camera cut in close to Eva's weights, a line of red ants suddenly swarming out of the larger one. The shot zoomed out a little and started panning across as the ants reached each camper's hands, causing Eva to grunt and Heather to gasp and Duncan to desperately try to shake them off without letting go of the barbell.

A sudden scream caused the camera to pan back to Heather, the red ants now crawling down her arms. "No! Get _off_ me!" she yelled, tossing the barbell down and frantically brushing the ants of her arms.

A piercing whistle gave her pause, and the shot cut to Chris with a whistle in his hand. "Round over! Heather, you're out!"

Heather let out an angry growl that quickly morphed into a panicked cry as she resumed her attempts at getting the ants off her. Eva and Duncan dropped their own barbells, then quickly followed suit.

/

The scene flashed forward to a close pan across the two remaining barbells, a few ants still crawling over them – but more importantly, two new weights the same size as the one the ants had been in added to each side of each bar. The shot then cut to Eva and Duncan sharing a glare, then to Heather sitting with her arms crossed on a stump next to Chris and Chef.

"Round three, _begin_!" Chris announced with glee, and the shot panned back to Eva and Duncan as they bent down and lifted their barbells – Eva first, and Duncan a moment later.

"Okay, now we're getting to the real weightlifting," Duncan said as he strained with the weight. "Good."

"Yeah, for _me_ ," Eva said with a smirk. "You know you're gonna lose, why don't you just save everyone the time and give up now?"

Duncan laughed. "Yeah, no way sister, I'm in this for the _long_ haul."

/

A lyricless hard rock anthem started playing as a montage beginning, leading off with a shot of Chris announcing "Round four, begin!" Then the two competitors lifted their weights, giving odd looks at the oddly balloonish-looking weights on the ends.

To Duncan's shock the balloon-weights suddenly inflated and burst, startling him into stumbling backwards – but quickly regaining his balance.

"Round five!" Chris announced over a panning close-up of a barbell, revealing the giant weight added onto the left end and the tiny one added to the right. Eva picked it up, but immediately struggled to keep it balanced above her head.

"Round _six_!" Chris said, and Eva and Duncan lifted their new weights – still unbalanced, but now with large black orbs on the end. The competitors looked at them suspiciously, but held the bars above their ehads just the same.

Then Chris grinned, took out his remote, and pressed the button. The shot cut to one of the black orbs as it started crackling with electricity, and the camera pulled back swiftly as Eva and Duncan were suddenly electrocuted.

The hard rock music ended as the camera focused on Duncan, who groaned and dropped his barbells before falling backwards.

"And Duncan's out!" Chris announced with glee, the shot cutting to him, Chef, and Heather all smiling. "Eva wins the first challenge and gets 3 points," he continued as the camera cut to Eva, smoldering and groaning and looking tired as she finally dropped her barbell with hit the ground with a distinct thud. "That means Duncan gets 2, and Heather gets 1."

"You know, I'm not even complaining right now," Heather remarked with a smirk as she stood up.

"The _next_ challenge," Chris said, the camera following him as he walked past Eva and Duncan, who were both giving Heather dirty looks, "comes straight from the twisted mind of _Heather_."

"Yes!" Heather cheered, pumping both fists in excitement. "In your _faces_!" she taunted her unimpressed rivals.

Eva snorted. "Please. I can take whatever you cooked up to throw at me."

"Yeah, me too," Duncan added. "I'll grant that you can be pretty clever, but me and her are tough enough that _clever_ doesn't matter," he said, gesturing to Eva.

"Oh _really_ ," Heather said, a close-up showing her devious smile. "I'd like to see how that 'toughness' of yours helps out in a _dance contest_."

A few deep notes played as Duncan and Eva gaped in shock. They looked at Chris, who shrugged uncaringly. "It's not exactly dangerous, but judging by the looks on your faces it's sure to be _embarrassing_ ," he told them, a smile forming on his face. "You all have two minutes to prepare," he added before walking away with his hands behind his back.

"But don't get your hopes up," Heather added with a devious smile as she moved to follow Chris. " _I_ know _ballet_."

xxx

"When you're up against the weak, use strength," Heather told the outhouse camera in a matter-of-fact tone. "And when you're up against the _strong_ , use _style_ ," she finished with a knowing smirk.

xxx

"Ahh, jeez...," Eva said, rubbing the back of her head. "I feel _stupid_ for not expecting something like this." She paused, looked to the side, then back at the camera. "So, dancing...does kickboxing count for that, or what?" she asked.

xxx

"Yeah, they don't exactly teach dance classes in juvie," Duncan said. "But, uh, I've been to parties, I know what I'm doing," he finished with a calm sort of confidence.

xxx

A slow, deep tune played as the static cut away to a stage set up in the woods, flanked by maroon curtains and with a disco ball hanging from the middle of it. Affixed to the headboard was a circular sign ringed with lights, a smaller and darker circle inside it set above what looked like a counter that currently read 00.0. And seated at a long desk in front of the stage were Chris, the chubby intern, and a familiar bear with a scuba tank on its back; each one had a glass of water in front of them.

"The dance contest will be judged by me," Chris began as the camera moved in front of him to reveal, "this intern," the camera panned to the left as the host motioned to the fat boy beside him. "Uh," Chris scowled, "assuming the cash is finally back in the case properly..."

The intern reached down under the table and brought out the suitcase of prize money, the top hanging open with the cash stacked neatly inside.

"Very good," Chris told him with a smile. "And our _final_ judge," a deep note played, "is the newly rebuilt and upgraded Scuba Bear, 2.0!" A longer deep note played, and Scuba Bear's eyes turned red. "Now with 20% more hostility," Chris explained excitedly, the robotic bear growling and knocking away the open suitcase, scattering the money. Chris laughed as the intern sullenly stood up and went after it.

"Dude," the host told the bear with a grin, " _perfect_ timing! We need a new intern!" he called out to the side, and the female intern walked over to take her comrade's place. "Anywho," Chris continued as the intern took her seat and cringed as the bear growled at her, "like I was saying, finalists will perform in the same order as their challenges." The shot cut to the stage-right entrance. "First, Eva," Chris said, the iron woman nervously sticking her head out from behind the curtain. "Then, Heather," the Queen bee leaned out above Eva with a smug smile. "Then Duncan!" The punk leaned out above Heather with an almost bored look on his face.

"Annoying," he shrugged, "but fair."

"Shhhhowtime!" Chris declared with a point, and the shot cut behind him as a drumroll played and the rear curtain began to rise.

"Come close, and listen hard~," Chef sang from off-stage, a grandiose ballroom theme starting up. "It's dancing time for one and all~!" The camera cut in close as he walked out on-stage, revealing the glittering pink dress he had donned again for the first time in seasons. "Sit and watch them strut their stuuuuuff~! Make it good or you're a cannonbaaaa~aaaa~aaalll~!"

He and the music stopped abruptly, and the shot cut to Scuba bear, the intern, and Chris all clapping. "I'm glad they're not allowed to sing," Chris commented, "cause _that_ would be _impossible_ to top." Scuba Bear and the intern nodded their agreement. "Alright," Chris continued, "Eva, you're up!"

The shot cut to the stage, the music cutting out and nobody appearing. Somebody coughed in the distance.

"Uhh, Eva?" Chris repeated, raising an eyebrow.

The sound of a thud came from backstage, and moments later Eva slid out into view with a stunned look on her face. As soon as she stopped moving, she turned around and snarled "Hey, watch it!"

"Get dancing, Eva," Chris told her dryly.

Eva grunted in annoyance, then snapped her fingers. The shot cut to Chef holding up a boombox and pressing a button on the front, and a surprisingly tranquil tune began to play from it. Eva took a deep breath in through her nose, raised her fists, slid her feet apart, and moved down into a squat. Then, all at once, the music switched to an intense workout tune, her eyes snapped open and she began punching and kicking the air to the beat of the music.

The camera cut to a variety of different angles as she continued her 'dance', showing her roundhouse kicking above the camera and backflipping under it. Eventually, she jumped onto the judge's table with a primal roar as the music came to an end, causing the intern to yelp in fright and duck down out of sight while Chris simply recoiled in surprise.

Eva caught her breath, bowed, then jumped back onto the stage.

Chris and Scuba Bear shared a look. "Uh, okay then," Chris said awkwardly. "That wasn't exactly _dancing_ , but at least some of it was kinda cool to watch. Let's see the judges' scores," he said with a look to the side.

The camera cut to Scuba Bear as it smiled and held up a placard with an 8 on it. The shot panned to the gap the intern had previously occupied as a placard with a 1 on it was raised up from under the table, and then back onto Chris as he held up a 3.5. "Looks like your total is 12.5," he said, the shot cutting to the scoreboard above the stage as it updated to show Eva's portrait and score.

"Whatever," Eva grunted with a hint of anger. "At least the _bear_ liked it."

"The bear's a killer robot, so...yeah," Chris said. "I wouldn't expect to be winning this if I were you," he told her, causing her to storm off backstage muttering under her breath.

The capstone theme began to play as the camera focused in on Chris. "Will Heather and Duncan _actually_ dance for us? Or will we get two rounds of _painful_ humiliation? Find out, after the break, on Total! Drama! Paaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed with a tense tune and a shot of the stage, the camera soon cutting to the judges' table. "Alright, next up in the dance-off is the creator of the challenge herself, _Heather_ ," Chris said.

"Ready~!" Heather said with a singsong grin, the shot cutting to her leaning only her head out from backstage.

"Good," Chris said dryly. "Try not to make me regret approving this, okay?"

"Don't worry," Heather said sweetly, "I won't. Music, please?" she turned her head and asked, the shot cutting to Chef as he pressed another button on his stereo with a deadpan expression.

The camera cut back out to show the full stage as the music began, lilting and elegant with a clear classical style despite not being immediately recognizable as any well-known piece. The shot switched to a close-up to show Heather up on the point of her toes as she stepped out in full ballerina costume, slippers and tights and leotard and tutu all in a soft, pale pink. Her arms were raised above her head, and her fingertips were touching.

Gracefully, she paused in center-stage and swung her right arm down, then raised her right leg outward. She started twirling, and the camera cut to a lower angle as she leaped deftly across the stage. As soon as she landed she spun back around and leaned backwards with her left arm extended over her head, held the pose for a few seconds, then at a rise in the music, swooped her whole upper body around dramatically before pausing again. She stuck her right leg out and took a single long step back to the right, spun once on the point of her toes, then took off at a faster pace to the left as the music got faster and faster.

A few shots followed in quick succession of her twirling, jumping, and spinning in the air, and close-ups of her pointed feet and slender, sweeping arms. Ultimately, the routine came to its dramatic conclusion as she spun in place with a smile on her face three times in a row, finishing with the music in a grand plié.

The shot immediately cut to the judges as they began to applause, then to the edge of the stage curtain as Eva and Duncan looked out and shared a nervous look.

"Judges, your scores?" Chris asked before he, the intern, and the bear all held up 9s. "Heather takes the lead with 27 points," he continued as the shot cut to the scoreboard, which updated to show Heather's portrait and combined score. "That's gonna be tough to beat, but the challenge isn't over yet."

"It might as well be," Heather taunted as she walked back over to her rivals. "No way is _Duncan_ gonna beat _me_."

"Uh, I _already_ beat you in the weightlifting challenge," Duncan told her.

"Pfft, I mean beat me at anything that _matters_ ," Heather corrected with a roll of her eyes as she walked away.

xxx

"Okay, despite my _excellent_ ballet performance I _am_ still a little worried," Heather admitted. "I could very well be out of the running if Duncan _somehow_ does well, and that means I gotta throw him off his game while I can."

xxx

"Okay, Duncan, you're up," Chris said as the static cut away to show the judges' table again. "Show us what you got, man."

"Sure thing," Duncan said with a cocky smile as he sauntered out on stage. He stopped in the center and pointed to Chef, who rolled his eyes and started up his stereo again – this time, heavy metal music started playing.

The shot focused in on Duncan as he began to bang his head in time with the music, making devil's horns with his right hand and pumping that arm to the beat as well. The camera angle changed as he suddenly started hopping forward on one leg, the other held out as he strummed hard on an air guitar; and a viewpoint shift to the right showed him hopping back with his body bent at the waist and almost level with the stage, his butt sticking out prominently and his head banging all the while.

Then he stood up straighter and began stomping his feet and pumping his arms, and the camera panned over to show the two girls watching from the sidelines. "Hey, he's not so bad after all," Heather whispered. "You worried, yet?" she asked Eva with a sly smirk.

Eva simply shrugged. "I don't know, are _you_?" she replied, taking Heather off-guard for a moment and causing her to scowl.

"Gee, I wonder what _Brick_ will think when he sees this?" she cupped a hand to the side of her mouth and said in a slow and deliberate stage whisper, the shot immediately cutting back to Duncan in mid-pelvic thrust as he opened his eyes in shock and stumbled, losing his rhythm. The music came to a natural end shortly after.

"Hey! What's the big idea messing me up like that?" Duncan growled at Heather.

"Oops," Heather replied with a hand half-covering her mischievous smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud about it."

"C'mon, judge, you don't believe that do ya?" Duncan protested, motioning from the judges' table to the backstage curtain.

"Hey," Chris shrugged, "no rule against interfering."

" _Now_ he tells us," Eva said, the shot cutting to her palming her face.

"Judges," Chris said as the camera returned once more to the table, "whaddaya say?"

Scuba Bear held up a 7, the intern an 8, and Chris a 6.5. "Aww, dude, _seriously_?" Duncan protested.

"What can I say?" Chris answered with a shrug. "I thought you had an okay opening, but messing up so easily just shows how little your heart was really in it. A true dancer shouldn't care who's watching them, they should put their passion into it regardless."

Duncan groaned and slapped his face, then stormed back over to the girls. "Thanks a lot," he spat at Heather who simply smiled.

"And thus with a score of 21.5," Chris said over a shot of the scoreboard, "Duncan gets second place between Heather in a well-deserved _first_ ," the camera cut to Duncan and Eva glaring at an unashamed Heather, "and Eva in dead last." Eva hung her head in shame, then all three looked up as Chris walked past them.

"But," he said, "it seems Heather _and_ Eva have both won and lost a challenge." The girls looked at one another. "And _Duncan's_ come in second twice," Chris said with a look towards the punk. "That's 4 points each. We got a three-way tie!" he announced excitedly. "It all comes down to one final challenge: _Duncan's_ ,"

"Aww yeah baby," Duncan grinned, "my time to shine. Hope you girls are ready for a world of _hurt_ ," he told his opponents.

Eva just snorted in contempt and walked past him, but Duncan just turned his gaze onto Heather who quickly huffed and walked by as well, flipping her hair. The camera lingered on her, though, and zoomed in as her expression became anxious.

xxx

"Okay, I'm still in this," Heather told the outhouse camera after closing her eyes and taking a deep and calming breath, "but I _have_ to beat at least one of them in whatever challenge Duncan came up with. Luckily for me," she said, crossing her arms and casting a narrow-eyed look to the side, "he's dumb enough that he might not have picked a challenge that I'm bad at. But still, this is gonna take _everything_ I have to stay in the game. I am going to pull out _all_ the stops from here on out."

xxx

"I don't know what that twisted delinquent cooked up," Eva told the outhouse camera, "but it's _not_ gonna take me down. I'm gonna win this, and take down _Heather_ fair and square."

xxx

/

"Our third and _final_ challenge of today," Chris explained as he led the Final Three through the woods, "is an obstacle course with a _military theme_."

"Military theme?" Heather repeated in confusion, joining Eva in looking at Duncan.

xxx

"What?" Duncan shrugged. "I kinda blanked, and decided to go with something Brick woulda liked! It doesn't _mean_ anything!"

xxx

"You heard me," Chris said with a smile. "Chef, take it away!" He motioned to the side, and the camera panned over to show Chef Hatchet standing tall in his drill sergeant's uniform at the edge of a mud pit.

"Alright maggots listen up!" he barked as a military drumline began to play. "Y'all got four obstacles to go through, each more deadly and harrowin' than the last." He calmly motioned to his left, and the camera started to pan across to the right. "First up ya got your Crawl-Through," he said as the camera reached a low but long framework supporting a dense tangle of rope, chains, and wires; some barbed and others crackling with electricity. "Then ya got the Firing Range," the camera quick-panned onward to an open patch of mud with a rack loaded with various firearms that had been used in the show's past set up behind it, "where the other two dorks are gonna shoot at ya. After that is the Climbin' Wall," the camera quick-panned to a rather tall wooden wall with no visible way to climb up aside from a few holes in the planks, "and then a run across a Mine Field to the finish line." On the other side of the wall was a stretch dry ground, the camera's continued pan showing a leaf drifting down onto the ground and setting off a small explosion.

"Whoa," Duncan said in wide-eyed shock as the camera returned to him, Heather, and Eva. "That's a little more than I wrote down."

"Yeah, well," Chris said as the camera pulled back to show him and Chef, "you were kinda _vague_ , so, I took some liberties. Now, you'll be running this individually in the same order as last time, and whoever takes the longest to _complete_ the course is gonna be eliminated."

"Now take your positions, soldiers!" Chef barked. "Move! Move! _Move_!" At his orders the Final Three scrambled off to the right with frantic expressions on their faces.

/

"Alright," Chris said, the scene flashing forward to him sitting in his jeep with Chef in the driver's seat. "Our first runner is in position," a sharp note played as the shot cut to Eva getting down into a runner's position at a starting line a couple feet away from the edge of the mud pool, "and so are the gunners." Another sharp note, and another cut showed Heather and Duncan standing at the weapon rack, the former waiting impatiently with a multi-barreled leech gun while the latter loaded a pasta cannon. "Time starts...," Chris said as the shot cut back to him raising his airhorn with his left hand while his right held a stopwatch, "NOW!"

He blew the airhorn, Chef drove the jeep forward, and an intense challenge theme began to play all at once. The camera focused in on Eva as she took off running, a close-up showing her feet sloshing through the mud with little apparent resistance.

"Eva quickly reaches the Crawl-Through," Chris narrated from off-screen as Eva dove head-first into the tangle of ropes and wires, landing on her belly in the mud and immediately shifting into a crawl forward. The camera followed her as she headed under and over each individual cord or wire, until a close-up showed the back of her blouse. "Ooh!" Chris winced. "Looks like she's hit a snag, _literally_!" Eva looked back with a glare, then growled and forced her way forward – tearing a small piece of her blouse off in doing so. "But she gets out," Chris noted as The Iron Woman crawled onward and off-camera, "and heads towards the Firing Range."

The music cut out as the shot cut to Chris and Chef to show them parked next to the climbing wall. "Fifty yards of open ground," Chef said with a far-off look in his eyes. "Enemies all around you, no cover in sight." He solemnly shook his head. "I lost too many good men that day..."

"And our campers are gonna lose a little too, am I right?" Chris joked, earning a sharp look from his assistant. "You know, time? Maybe a little blood?" the host continued, earning an eyeroll and a head-shake from Chef,

The focus returned to Eva as she pulled herself out from between two heavy chains, landed back in the mud on her feet, and immediately took off at a sprint with the dramatic challenge music rising up once again.

"Eat leeches!" Heather shouted as the shot cut to her raising her gun and opening fire.

"Sorry Eva, but I'm not about to give you an easy win!" Duncan added as the camera panned to him, the punk firing off a few blasts of ultra-spicy pasta in quick succession.

"Do your worst!" Eva replied with a cocky smile, easily ducking under a volley of leeches and a ball of pasta.

xxx

"In hindsight, maybe tempting fate like that wasn't the best idea," Eva confessed.

xxx

"Eva makes quick progress through the Firing Range thanks to some smooth moves," Chris narrated as Eva tucked in her legs and somersaulted over another another line of leeches coming at her from behind. "WHOA!" Chris added in shock and excitement as Eva landed only to immediately jump up and smack a pasta blast away with a roundhouse kick. "But now she's cornered by the Climbing Wall," Chris continued as Eva skidded to a stop in front of the high wooden barrier. "She better get moving cause there's still a target on her back!"

As if on cue Eva was struck in the back by several leeches as she looked up at the wall, then as she turned around and snarled a blast of pasta struck her dead-on and plastered her to the wood.

xxx

"Let it be a lesson to never look back at the people shooting at you," Eva continued from her previous confessional

xxx

"Hah! Score," Duncan said, pumping his fist and grinning. " _That'll_ slow her down."

"Not enough, as far as I'm concerned," Heather said, her eyes dangerously narrow. "She is _not_ gonna climb that wall until I'm out of ammo!" She added as she opened fire again to Duncan's mild surprise.

The camera cut back to Eva to her getting hit in the head with several leeches. "Aagh! Quit it!" she yelled in fury, moving her head and squirming under Heather's continuous fire. "Ahh, screw it!" she finally said, bursting out of the pasta with a roar, the shot briefly cutting to show Heather and Duncan gaping in shock. Eva then turned around and jumped onto the wall, grabbing onto one of the holes in it. More leeches hit her in the back, but they did nothing to prevent her from climbing upward and onward.

A skip forward in the footage showed her reaching the top of the wall with a back covered in bloated leeches and a woozy expression; she grunted, then fell forward.

"No!" Heather cried out in exasperation as the shot cut back to her and Duncan.

"And Eva passes the Climbing Wall," Chris announced, him and Chef and the jeep now idling by the finish line. "All that's left for her is one last run..."

The camera quick-panned back to left, showing Eva back on her feet and brushing off the last of the leeches. A close-up showed her eyes narrowing in determination, and the shot pulled back out as she silently charged into the minefield. Mines started going off around her, but she didn't so much as flinch – and just before she reached the finish line she launched herself forward as an explosion behind her sent her flying.

She landed beyond the finish line in a roll, Chris pressing the button on his stopwatch with an excited expression. "Two minutes, fifty-eight seconds!" he announced as Eva stood up and calmly brushed herself off. "Eva sets the bar with an impressive run. Let's see if anyone can top it, in time _or_ in style."

/

"Next up is Heather," Chris said, him and Chef and the jeep now back at the starting line where Heather was stretching. "I hope you're ready to run," the host warned, "cause Eva and Duncan look ready to _shoot_." The camera quick-panned over to the gunners, Duncan eagerly reloading his pasta blaster while Eva polished the barrel of a leech gun.

"I'll be fine," Heather replied as the shot cut back to her tying her hair back into a ponytail. "I'm _not_ gonna be intimidated by them."

xxx

"After watching that musclehead _Eva_ do the course," Heather told the outhouse camera with a hint of nervousness, "I definitely have a good handle on the course. And as long as I can do it even a second faster than she did, then it won't matter _how_ good Duncan does because _I'll_ be in the finale either way!"

xxx

A different challenge tune slowly started up as the static cut away, Heather now in a runner's position. "Ready? GO!" Chris called out, blasting his airhorn to signal the start of the run. The jeep sped off to the right as Heather dashed forward into the mud, diving straight into the first obstacle. "Heather blazes through the Crawl-Through," Chris narrated from off-screen as the camera followed Heather slinking and winding her way through the wires and ropes and chains. "She might just be making record time on this one, folks!" he added as she reached the end of the obstacle, the camera cutting to her point-of-view to show the tight barrier of cords that lay between her and the exit – and the gap below them just above the mud.

The camera shifted back to the side as she scowled, took a deep breath, and dove down through the thin layer of mud and under the ropes.

xxx

"Eugh," she shuddered and cringed in disgust. " _So_ gross. But _so_ worth it," she told the camera.

xxx

"And Heather makes it through to the Firing Range!" Chris said as the shot cut to the girl in question sliding out and up onto one knee in the second part of the course. "Will she be able to make it across?" he followed up as she moved to get running, only for a few leeches to immediately strike the ground she would have moved through forcing her to pause.

"Time for some _payback_ ," Eva shouted angrily before firing off another round of her gun. The shot cut to Heather growling but running forward anyways, covering her head with her arms and wincing and yelping with each leech that struck her. The camera moved back to Eva as her fire swept from left to right, the shot then panning to Duncan as he watched impassively.

xxx

"Okay, as much as I don't like Heather, it's not worth slowing her down since she'd probably be easier to beat one-on-one if we both get to the finale," Duncan confessed. "I'm not honorable like Brick, I'm here to _win_ and that means giving myself the best chance possible, understand? And don't think I'm scared of Eva or anything," he added defiantly, crossing his arms, "I just think it would be a bigger pain in the butt to go up against her."

xxx

"Ah! Ah! Ah!" Heather cried out as she continued running, her arms now coated with leeches. She soon reached the wall, however, and quickly scrambled up it.

"And Heather reaches the Climbing Wall!" Chris narrated, the shot pulling back to show him and Chef waiting nearby. "Can _anyone_ stop her?"

The shot promptly cut to Eva scowling at Duncan. "Well?" she asked belligerently.

"Well what?" Duncan replied.

"Start shooting at her!" Eva said, throwing her arms up in frustration. "Or need I remind you that _I'm_ gonna be shooting at _you_ next, so if you don't work with me you'll lose your chance at the finale?"

An odd note played as Duncan's brow shot up. "Okay, good point," he said, turning to the right and firing off a blast of pasta. The camera followed it through the air and it slammed into the wall right above Heather, startling her into losing her grip and falling off.

The shot cut to her landing with a small splash, then growling in fury and slapping the surface of the mud. "I'll show you! I am _not_ giving this up!" she said as she started climbing again.

Her cries and yelps issued forth from off-screen as the shot moved back to Duncan and Eva, grinning darkly as they continued to fire.

The shot cut to her pulling herself up to the top of the wall, covered in mud and pasta and leeches; with a groan she fell over it, landing with a thud that shook the camera. "And Heather _finally_ makes it over the Wall and out of the sight of her fellow competitors," Chris narrated, the shot cutting to him and showing the wide smile on his face. "All she has to do now is make it through the Mine Field," an explosion went off off-camera, "and _see_ her time."

The camera pulled back to show Chris and Chef and the jeep at the finish line once more, the host keeping a thumb ready at the button on his stopwatch. Seconds later Heather ran across the line, weakly called out "Done!", and collapsed.

Chris checked his watch. "And your time is... _three_ minutes, thirty-two seconds!" Chris announced with a smile, earning a loud and irritated groan from Heather. "And that means no matter how well Duncan does, _Eva_ is a lock for the finale!"

" _Yes_!" Eva cheered as the shot cut back to her and Duncan. "That million bucks is as good as mine!"

"Don't count on it, sister," Duncan told her with a mild scoff.

xxx

"Hah! This is _sweet_ ," Duncan told the outhouse camera with a smile. "Since Eva wants Heather gone I don't have to worry about her interfering, meaning I'm gonna have a _way_ easier time of this than they did. All I gotta do is not get cocky, and I'm golden!"

xxx

Heather opened up the next confessional with a furious growl. "No! I came _way_ too far to get stopped by something stupid like this! I _have_ to find a way to slow Duncan down...," she said, finishing by pounding her open palm.

xxx

"Okay, is our final runner ready?" Chris asked, the static cutting away to show him, Chef, and Duncan all at the starting line.

"Hell yeah, dude!" Duncan replied with a cocky smirk.

"Set!" Chris said next, raising his airhorn. "GO!" For the third time he blew his horn just as Chef stepped down on the jeep's gas pedal, causing it to shoot out ahead of Duncan as he started running.

The music became oddly slow as the camera focused in on the punk, a smile on his face as he entered the mud...that was suddenly dropped when a ball of spicy spaghetti suddenly struck the ground in front of him. "Whoa!" he said in shock, coming to an abrupt stop. "What the heck?"

A quick-pan to the right showed Heather down on one knee with a pasta blaster aiming towards the left. "Eat _this_ , sucker!" she yelled before firing off three more shots.

"Ah! Ah!" Duncan gasped, quickly dancing out of the way of each pasta blast. "Dude, Chris, is she allowed to do that?"

Chris was laughing as the shot cut to him, the jeep stopped in front of the Crawl-Through. "Sure, why not? I'll allow it," he finally said.

The camera cut back to Duncan as he growled in frustration. " _Fine_ ," he said bitterly, sidestepping another pasta blast, "this wasn't gonna stop me anyway." He quickly ran forward and dived into the first obstacle, a tense challenge tune finally playing.

"No," Heather growled as the shot moved once more to her firing off her bazooka. "No," she fired off another blast. " _No_!" A third shot fired, and the camera cut to show it landing relatively harmlessly on the top of the tangled mess of rope and wire – a pan down showing Duncan easily crawling under it.

"What's the matter," Eva taunted, the focus moving back to Heather then panning to include her as well. "Finally coming to terms with your loss?"

"I am _not_ losing!" Heather replied as she fired off another shot of pasta. "And why are _you_ not doing anything?" she asked sharply. "Do you _want_ Duncan to go to the finale with you?"

Eva snorted. "That's not important. What's _important_ is watching the little _traitor_ who got the _girl_ I-" she quickly caught herself and paused, earning a confused look from Heather- "the girl I'm _friends with_ eliminated _squirm_ like she deserves."

"Fine, be that way," Heather spat, firing off another blast. The shot cut to the end of the Crawl-Through as Duncan stuck his head out through the wires, only to gasp and retreat back inside just before the gap he'd tried to get through was plugged up with pasta. Heather pulled the trigger on her bazooka a few more times but got nothing but clicks, and so threw it to the ground with a disgusted grunt. "Stupid _blaster_...," she muttered, stomping off to the left.

"And Duncan finally makes it through to the Firing Range!" Chris announced as the shot cut back to the delinquent sprinting across the open mud. "Though it doesn't look like anyone's firing anymore! Has Heather given up?"

"Just give me a second, will you?" Heather shot back angrily, the camera cutting to her returning to the sidelines with a leech gun. "I haven't given up _anything_!" She opened fire to a dramatic rise in the music, and the shot once again cut to Duncan as he frantically started ducking and dodging leeches, swerving closer to the camera and then away to avoid each successive stream of bloodsuckers.

"You can't dodge forever!" Heather yelled.

"Just watch me!" Duncan replied just before he got hit in the back of the head with a trio of leeches, causing him to trip and fall right in front of the wall.

"Ooh," Chris winced jovially from off-screen, "so close! Better get climbing, Duncan, the clock's ticking~!"

Duncan groaned and pushed himself back onto his feet, then jumped at the wall and began to climb. "Come on...come on!" he muttered angrily as the camera followed him upward, the tense challenge music going strong in the background. A few leeches hit the wood around him, but he ignored them. "Almost there!" The next round of leeches hit his left hand as he stretched it out towards the next hole, causing him to wince and retract it, but moments later he resumed his climb with another round of leeches hitting his back but having no visible effect.

"Crap," Heather muttered as the shot cut back to her and Eva. "Stupid leeches aren't enough," she said, throwing down her second gun. "Eva, give me your blaster," she commanded the girl next to her, holding out an expectant hand. "I need the extra power."

"No way," Eva replied with a disbelieving look.

"But you're not even using it!" Heather said, throwing up her arms.

"And neither are _you_!" Eva barked back.

"And Duncan makes it over the Climbing Wall!" Chris announced from off-screen, eliciting a sharp gasp from Heather.

"Give it to me!" The Queen Bee said, reaching and grabbing the pasta blaster out of Eva's grasp before the brawny girl could react. She then fired a volley off to the right, and the shot cut to Duncan running through the Mine Field.

"Crap, crap, crap!" he said in panic as balls of pasta rained down around him, setting off explosions left and right.

A quick-pan back to the girls showed Eva gaping in shock as Heather continued to fire, then scowling angrily and clenching her fists. "Give that back!" she yelled, grabbing the bazooka by the barrel and ripping it from Heather's grasp.

"Hey! I need that!" Heather said angrily, standing up to face Eva and grab at the blaster again.

"Well too bad!" Eva yelled in reply, pointing the bazooka as Heather and firing it at point-blank range, sending the skinny girl flying off-screen with a scream. Eva smiled in satisfaction.

The scene moved to the finish line, Chris and Chef waiting with expectant looks as explosions continued to go off to the left. Their expressions soon turned to excitement, however, as Duncan finally ran under the finish banner and past the jeep, prompting Chris to press the button on his stopwatch. "And Duncan clears the course!" the host announced, the background music briefly turning victorious before cutting out entirely.

"So...?" Duncan asked between panted breaths. "How'd I do?"

"Your time is...," Chris began slowly, a close-up showing him peering closely at his stopwatch, the face of which was hidden from the camera. The shot cut to Duncan watching nervously, then to Eva looking calm and Heather standing up with pasta on her chest and a look of anxious horror on her face. "Three minutes and seventeen seconds," Chris announced with sudden glee, "putting _you_ in second place _and_ the _finale_!"

"Aww yeah, who's the _man_!" Duncan cheered, pumping a fist in excitement. "Nice try, Heather, but you failed!"

"NO!" Heather wailed, half sobbing as she collapsed back onto her knees and pounded the ground.

/

The screen rotated around itself as the footage skipped ahead to nightfall, Heather now stuffed into the barrel of the Cannon of Shame. "This isn't _fair_!" she sobbed angrily, squirming against the walls of the cannon as the sombre elimination theme began to play. " _I_ worked the hardest to get this far, I _deserve_ to be in the finale!"

"Why don't you tell someone who cares," Chris told her, the shot cutting out to show him standing with Duncan, Eva, and Chef at the base of the cannon.

"And don't act like you're the only one who worked their butt off," Duncan added with a hint of anger in his voice and scowl. "Me and Eva deserve to be here more than anyone."

"Yeah," Eva chimed in. "So quit whining. You have no one to blame for your own screw-ups but yourself."

Heather gasped indignantly. "Well, _screw you_ you-"

Whatever she was going to say, it was cut off when the cannon went off and she was shot screaming into the night. The viewpoint shifted behind Chris as he watched her go.

"Next stop," Chris turned and told the camera as the capstone theme began to play, "the super-big-awesome and deadly finale! Who's about to become one million dollars richer?" he asked, the camera zooming in as he stuck his arms out to either side. "Will it be Duncan?" he pulled the punk in from the left. "Or will it be Eva?" He pulled the iron woman in from the right, and both finalists gave the camera awkward looks. "Find out next time," Chris pushed the teens back out of sight and raised his arms, "on the season finale of! Total! Drama! Paaaaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

And there we go, dear readers. Just like most people predicted, Heather's out and that means it's Duncan vs Eva in the finale to truly end all finales! I hope you're all looking forward to it.

Heather's elimination was...the first obvious choice after a string of difficult ones, and I truly do not think it bares much explanation. She was the villain, and aside from Noah villains do not win in this series - so she had to be eliminated here to make things more dramatic and suspenseful next week.

I will say, however, that honestly...something kinda feels off to me about this chapter. I think it probably just lacks the same kind of 'flare' that the canon episode did, as there's really no way to replicate Sugar getting hoisted by her own petard in this series as Heather's really not so delusional about her own abilities as to construct a challenge that she sucks at.

The challenges themselves were...well, they were pretty straightforward to create since the girls went with what they know they're best at, and Duncan...not-so-stealthily referencing his crush on Brick. The order of the challenges was done to facilitate the 'everyone has 4 points' tie that canon had; since I knew Heather had to lose two challenges it was the only way to make things suspenseful. Thus, her challenge got stuck in the middle (which made it kind of odd to write since its framework was cribbed from Sugar's canon challenge), and everything ended up resting on Duncan.

So yeah, this definitely has a different feel that the canon episode has, and I don't know how to feel about it. But I don't doubt that all you reviewers will let me know your own thoughts, and I look forward to hearing them.

Especially because next week is the finale, and I'm not even halfway through writing it...

But until then, know yourselves and enjoy yourselves.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)

Owen - (8th Place)

Leshawna - (7th Place)

Mike - (6th Place)

Brick - (Tied for 4th Place)

Sky - (Tied for 4th Place)

Heather - (3rd Place)


	13. Chapter 13 - Lies, Cries, &One Big Prize

**Author's Note**

And here we are, folks. The end of the line. The final episode of the Total Shuffled series for the foreseeable future. And the final round of publicly-answered reviews for this series as well...let's get on with that.

 **Silver Writer 0927:** Hah, I think a lot of people have never really liked her. Rooting for Eva, eh? I hope you enjoy the finale.

 **Gage the Hedgehog:** Thanks.

 **Animation Adventures:** I'm glad to see you're liking this Final Two, and that you liked Heather's downfall. You're pretty right about how crucial Eva's desire to see Heather lose was to the outcome, too. Honestly, regarding Duncan's challenge...it was the last one I came up with, and the military obstacle course was a lock the moment I thought it up. A more criminal-themed one could have worked, but I honestly don't even know what it would entail cause I'm not sure how to make stealing and such into a good challenge. And yeah, I've pretty much been deliberately expanding Chef's role this season; he was almost invisible in canon, and he's too good a character to ignore. I haven't always made him have a clear and solid arc, but I'm happy with what I have been able to show of him. And so you're rooting for Duncan, eh?...  
It's definitely gonna be sad to see this series go, but I do hope this final episode will be an exciting finale.

 **Dylan:** I know! I've been working on this for two and a half years, so it's really like surreal to me knowing that it ends today. I don't know if I can top certain other episodes, especially like the TSAS finale, but I'm definitely trying to make this one of the best ones I've written. On Team Eva, eh? Well, enjoy the show.

 **SideshowJazz1:** Yeah, after so many seasons of doing the same thing Heather's elimination last week was pretty obvious from the start; in those cases it's up to me to at least make it suspenseful _how_ she ends up being eliminated. I think Duncan's choice of challenge helped with that, especially with (as you said) the girls' challenges being so obvious. You're the third person who's rooting for Eva, but regardless of what happens I hope you enjoy the finale.

 **Alice Queen of Madness:** Hah, I see you're really pulling for an Eva win, eh? And sorry I had to eliminate Heather, but honestly I just liked Duncan and Eva as finalists more. And I honestly have no idea where time went...I both feel like I was only writing the past season not too long ago, and at the same time it's as though I've been writing this series for ages. It's become my normal, and I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with my time once it's over besides hopefully get myself a job.

 **Derick Lindsey:** True, true. I know a few people were hoping for her to get shaved, but honestly I just didn't see a way to make it happen in this season. Maybe that might have made her exit more satisfying, but then again maybe not - it would have been humiliating, but not really the same kind of humiliating as what happened to Sugar. Eva wasn't really scared of losing to her, by the way, she just really _really_ wanted Heather to be eliminated by her hand as revenge for Sky. And...yeah, Chef was talking about Chris. They're not in a relationship or anything, just...well, sometimes you can't easily help who you have feelings for.  
No epilogue, sadly. Maybe in the future I'll have some time/energy to write more material for the Shuffledverse that involves this cast meeting up with the older generations, but it won't be today.  
And lastly...a big part of me is actually really happy to see that you're rooting for both Duncan and Eva; I'm glad to have made both of them so enjoyable to you.

 **acosta perez jose ramiro:** Thanks! And hah, well, who knows. You're not the only person rooting for Eva, by the way - you're the fifth reviewer to have done so. I hope you enjoy the finale, regardless of who ends up winning.

 **P. T. Piranha:** Exactly! Between what I've done with past villains and how both Duncan and Eva still have love stories to wrap up, it was pretty obvious who was going to the finale. Heather...may just have been screwed by the RNG, like you said. Though on one hand she was able to fly under the radar better and made it to the Final Three regardless, as you said she doesn't have much opportunity to evolve as a character like she did in canon. But, well, that's the nature of the Shuffledverse - not everyone is in their ideal place, and it's up to me to make it all work. And I do think that, over all, I have.  
Oh, and thank you for pointing out that mistake! I fixed it as soon as I saw your review.

 **AlphaOmnisphere:** Hah, someone's happy that Heather was eliminated. But that aside...I hope you're ready for what's about to happen, and how it all ends.

 **Scissor-Snipper:** Yup, as anticipated. Though admittedly the Duncan-Eva Final Two was the obvious choice from the moment the Final Three were decided. I do think Duncan and Eva make great finalists...and while you're right that in canon the finalists were assisted by their love interests, who's to say that'll be true here as well? Well, only time will tell...anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed my characterization of Chef (I'm not sure if he's gay or bi, admittedly, but that's not especially the point of his conversation with Duncan).

 **Ddynamo:** Fair enough, but it's nice to hear from you again. In a strange way it's nice to hear you say how sad it'll be to have this series end, since it just goes to show how beloved it's become over these two and a half years. And you're rooting for Eva too, huh? Lot's of Eva fans in the audience, it seems...

 **DSX62415:** Well, congratulations then :) I hope you enjoy this final challenge, and everything that comes from it.

 **Guest:** Thanks! I'm a little disappointed to hear that you found Eva more boring than canon, but I guess there's nothing I can do about that now. Nice to hear from another Duncan supporter, though.

 **OMAC001:** Thank you! I hope their clash is satisfying and exciting.

 **Glowing Insanity:** Hah, wow, I'm happy yo hear that you liked my version of the semifinal more than canon's.

 **FOWLKON:** True, most people would very much like to shoot her from a cannon. Though on the other hand, a lot of people would want to do more... And as for Sky knowing...I'm assuming you mean that she knows Eva's in love with her? Well...read on, and find out.

 **bruno14:** Yeah, it's really hard for me to believe that it's all gonna be over tonight... And yeah, like you said the main tension last week was less who was gonna be eliminated but rather how it would happen. But I'm glad you enjoyed everything, and I hope you like the finale.

 **Stereotypical Vampire:** Ohoho, indeed indeed...it seems you're really looking forward to this. Another person rooting for Eva makes the support 6-2 in her favor so far, but that's just the opinion of you reviewers. I'm glad you enjoyed last week's challenges and such, and I hope this week's episode lives up to it's role as a finale.

 **link9753:** Thanks! Yeah, pretty much everyone predicted the Duncan-Eva finale. I can see why you didn't feel like Heather was that much of a villain or even that hateable; she really didn't accomplish much so there wasn't a whole lot to hate her _for_ in this story. Rooting for Duncan, eh? Well you're the third reviewer I've seen say that so far... Personally, I think both him and Eva are pretty well-developed, but to each their own I suppose. Regardless of what happens, I hope you enjoy it.

 **Jaspher 4 Me:** Awesome, it's a pretty great Final Two so I'm happy that you (and like everyone else) likes it. I'm also glad you enjoyed the challenges last week; I did feel a little...awkward, I guess, in writing the first two since they're not really like anything that's been done in canon, but I'm glad I was able to pull them off in a creative and in-character fashion. Not much else to say...I hope you enjoy the final episode.

 **StayOuttaMyShed:** Yeah, like you said, Duncan and Eva were pretty obviously the finalists from the moment the Final Three was decided. And good analysis of how Heather's role here matches Sugar's canon role pretty much; like you said, there really wasn't a whole lot of opportunity for her to be villainous thanks to how the season is set-up and the teams I ended up deciding on. She was fun to write, but I think I'd definitely like to see where this iteration of her character goes if I get a chance to continue on with the Shuffled version. But since that's not likely to happen anytime soon...I guess this is just how things are gonna have to end for her.  
I am utterly unsurprised that Duncan's challenge shined the most; it was the one I had the most fun with, as at times I was a little unsure how to handle the weightlifting or dancing sequences. Complex obstacle courses, however, are something I'm quite experienced with now, I think, thanks to how many I've written over the course of this series.  
Regarding the finalists, I'll admit I wasn't certain about giving Duncan the position over Brick myself...but, after mulling over a few ideas, I decided I liked him more in that position - and if I remember, I'll try and explain that a bit more in the Post Script. Actually, looking over my notes, it seems I have a lot to say about that subject, or something...but for now I'll just say that Eva absolutely wasn't in my mind as a finalist early on, so it's no surprise that I wrote her in more of a subdued role. Of course, the way I see it that kind of role suits her best as she's not the most social of characters...but I digress. There's definitely gonna be a lot going on with both of them, I feel, so it's certainly gonna be an exciting finale.  
And after TDU, I am utterly unsurprised to see you in Team Eva.

 **Star Saber21:** Yup, exactly - the girls picked challenges based on what they were confident they were better at than anyone else, and proved themselves correct. Duncan...not so much, but at least he's still in this. I'm glad you liked Heather's elimination even without her getting shaved, and as for how Chris tries to meddle this week...well, I'm looking forward to the reactions of you and everyone else to what happens.

 **Piecesxoxo:** Well, regardless of who it is I sincerely hope you enjoy it.

 **turn forever you and me:** Lol, looks like you and everyone else are predicting Brick and Sky as the helpers. Not much else I can really say right now.

 **EVAISBAE:** Haha, somebody's an enthusiastic Eva supporter.

 **RhondaTheStalkerFan:** :) It's nice to finally here from you, I was wondering when you or that friend of yours were gonna show up. Hah, I'm glad my story is so addictive. I'm super happy you love it! And of course I look forward to your reviews on earlier episodes and seasons.  
I see, I see. Yeah, I enjoyed it myself but I know not everyone had it up there in their favorites, so I'm not surprised to here that you didn't quite remember all the details about it; but more importantly I'm glad that my writing has inspired you to go back and rewatch it. Just keep in mind that I do on occasion take some liberties with the challenges to make them fit the cast or plot better, so not everything in the canon series will be exactly the same as it is here.  
Speaking of, since I don't actually here that much about people enjoying the way I mirror the episode, as you put it, so I really do appreciate that you pointed that out specifically as something that you liked. The Shuffled series thrives on being basically parallel to canon, keeping the framework of a story we all know and love but shifting things around and smoothing things out, recreating it into something fresh and new. There's just so many things I've proud to have accomplished, even in this season alone; and the two couples are just one of them. Going into this season even I myself wasn't sure how well Duncan/Brick especially would pan out as I know they both have very popular ships and having them hook up is pretty unorthodox. But they, as well as Eva/Sky, have really been accepted by my fans, and that warms my heart. Speaking of same-sex attraction, Chef's talk with Duncan was referring to his own attraction to Chris, but I do not consider them to be in a relationship (aside from professionally).  
I'm glad you enjoyed the episode, both the character interactions and the challenges. I'll admit even I felt a little weird writing Eva be so cocky about her chances of winning, but that's just how Eva is I think. The obstacle course was easily the funnest both to come up with and to write; I wasn't specifically thinking of Duncan being inspired by Brick's desire to recruit him into the military, and more just as something he thought would be a nice tribute to the crush he didn't wanna admit he had (if that makes sense).  
Yeah, Heather getting eliminated last week was probably the easiest prediction to make almost in the entire series...but, well, sometimes you need to go with the obvious choice. I'm glad you're accepting of the lack of a truly big downfall for Heather, by the way.  
I'm glad you're so excited for this finale! Looks like a lot of people are rooting for Eva, and I can't blame them (nor can I blame those rooting for Duncan). I hope you enjoy the end of this series, and as I said before I eagerly await your next reviews(s).

 **The Prime Writer:** Haha, yeah, it always gets so eventful towards the end of a season, doesn't it? You've definitely got a good handle on Brick and Duncan's dynamic; Duncan being self-conscious about his bad boy image is a canon trait that I new from the get-go would be a useful way to make a relationship between him and Brick both interesting and possible. And Brick...well, it's been interesting to translate his own version of 'tough on the outside, soft on the inside' masculinity into the relationship.  
And as for Sky and Eva, I'm not at all trying to avoid the butch-and-femme dynamic (and I'm honestly not too certain why you thought I was?) Eva's reasoning...makes sense to her; it's not that she doesn't realize that Sky might see her confessionals once she's back home but more that she wants to act in the 'now', where Sky can't access that information. I'm not sure that makes sense, writing it...I'm trying to explain her motivation without spoiling what happens in this episode. I think you might get a better understanding of Eva just from reading the finale...  
Regarding Heather, though I know people wanted her to lose her hair like in canon I honestly just don't think it was really possible with last week's episode without some contrived situation. In a way, I think her Shuffled ending was better without it.  
Not much to say about Mike other than that him partnering with Owen was actually one of the main teams I've been considering to replace Noah+Owen in a potential Shuffled RR. They've got a lot of good potential in terms of dynamic, I think.  
It is definitely sad that this series is coming to a close...though I don't think this has to be your last review, as you now have all the time in the world to review the finale. Thank you for your well-wishes, and I hope your own series goes well.

 **Joel Connell:** Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be the last review since there's still the finale...but whatever. I am sincerely flattered that you think so highly of my series; hearing things like that really makes my efforts over these fast couple years all the more worth it. All I can hope right now is that the finale I've written lives up to it's purpose, to serve as an ending for this final season and cast. It's definitely gonna be a big change for me and so many others; but I do hope that at the very least I'll be able to focus once more on Total Drama Rebirth, and making more of a life for myself in other ways. Thank you.

 **Explorer of the Unknown:** Hoo boy, you're right that last week was pretty dramatic. Though I don't feel it was nearly as dramatic as some of the other semi-finals...Alejandro's loss, Lightning's loss to Scarlett, the plane blowing up and Ella defeating Alejandro, Harold messing things up for Jasmine, and Scott and Courtney's double elimination. Still...Heather's elimination fits for the cast and the season, I think.  
Regarding Duncan, I can definitely understand why you normally don't like him - as you said/implied, his popularity (among other things) can often give him a free pass onward. But hey, I like developing characters and such, so I'm pretty happy that you've no qualms about his finalist position. I do think he's been nicer here than he ever was in canon; I blame it on my own desire to make him more likeable as much as the changed situation and cast - he doesn't have many opportunities to showcase his bad boy side, and is even struggling to come to terms with his sexuality. It's all done a good job of humanizing him, I guess. And yeah, Chef was speaking from personal experience, and specifically implying his own attraction to Chris.  
And as for Eva...well, all I can say is that I'm not the biggest fan of making strong, butch girls like her into villains, especially when it doesn't strictly play to her canon personality. She angers easily, yes, but she's more a vengeance-seeker than a villain. She's reactive, I guess you'd say. And as we see in the first season special, she's more than willing to find friends and make alliances. She's not as much of a villain as most people think she is, I'd say.  
I thought I was gonna have to cut it off here thanks to the review glitch, but luckily it's been fixed and I can see that there's actually not much left in your review. So. I can definitely see why you'd still see Eva as the underdog, and you're completely correct that she's got a lot of self-esteem and other similar issues even if they haven't been made too explicit; as with Duncan this all plays into this season's theme of Identity, with the cast by and large exploring and coming to terms with who they are thanks to their time in the game.  
Not much else I can really say, though I am glad that you brought up Chris...

 **I. M. Poik:** Yup, it sure is. And even the obvious routes are still necessary to follow from time to time; Heather being gone leaves us with a very interesting Final Two. Well...not much else I can say, so read on and enjoy the show.

 **graveexcitement:** Aaah, I know, it's so weird that this is the end. It's...it's just so surreal that I've even made it this far; I've never really pegged myself as the type who'd be able to accomplish something like this. But I guess sometimes the stars align, and in this case that means me being unable to find employment for I think a whole host of psychological, geographical, and economic reasons has meant that I have the time and (usually) the energy to put out an episode a week.  
And I'm really glad you pointed that out about Heather; it's basically one of the main traits I've been keeping in the back of my mind about her and how I wanted to portray her this season. As she has the benefit of knowing what the show is really like, unlike canon, she thus knows that her preferred means of acting won't get her what she wants. But at the same time, she just can't help her basic villainous nature.  
I really hope you enjoy the finale. And with you rooting for Eva, that comes out to...11 reviewers on Team Eva, 3 on team Duncan? But hey, it seems like everyone is gonna be happy no matter what, which is more important to me as it means that both finalists are well-liked.

...and that, my dearest readers, marks the end of my publicly answered reviews for this series. **However, just like with every finale, I will try to answer as many reviews as possible over PM.** I don't expect to be able to get to them all right away, and there may be some I don't answer because they aren't really that substantive, but I will still try to answer as many as I can in the coming weeks.

Next, we actually have **a special message from the person who created the TVTropes pages for this series!** They've asked to remain anonymous, so I won't name them. Here's their message:

" _Hey, tropers, firstly I'd like to thank the tropers who have helped out with the TV Tropes page so far. It's a fantastic page, and I'm so thankful for those who added tropes and examples I may not have thought to put in. You're all amazing. Secondly, the series itself may be over, but work on the TV Tropes page is not over yet. There's still many tropes to potentially be added, and pages that could still be made, such as an Awesome page, or a Heartwarming page, or a Funny page, and so on. Thanks again for all the great help, and thank you for supporting the Total Shuffled series. It deserves all the love it's been getting the past two years, and more. I'm looking forward to seeing what gets added next. Keep on troping!_ "

Naturally, I second their feelings and desires with respetc to the page. Keep up the great work, everyone!

And now...the moment you've all been waiting for. Duncan vs Eva, the finale of finales. The end of the Shuffled series as we know it...

Enjoy it while you can.

\- Fangren

* * *

 **Episode 13 – Lies, Cries, and One Big Prize**

"Previously, on Total Drama," Chris opened alongside the capstone theme and the usual long-distance shot of the island. "Duncan, Heather, and Eva created their _own_ challenges!" the host explained, the recap montage beginning with the Final Three picking up their barbells in the first round of the weightlifting competition, followed by a shot of the curtain opening on the singing contest stage.

"Eva went with her strength," Chris said over a shot of Eva lifting up the lopsided barbell in the fifth round with relative ease. "Which bit _big time_ for Heather," the girl was shown dropping her bar as ants swarmed out of the hollow weights on the end, "and gave _Duncan_ the shock of his life," the host finished with a laugh as the punk was electrocuted in the final round.

"Heather's dance-off provided some _surprising_ entertainment," Chris continued, the montage flashing ahead to Chef's opening song. "But _un_ surprising was the fact that Heather _won_ ," he added over clips of Heather's ballet, Duncan's head-banging, and Eva's kickboxing.

"So, it all came down to Duncan's challenge: a military-themed _obstacle course_ ," Chris said over a pan across the course. "Iron Woman Eva tore through it like nobody's business," he said over clips of Eva pushing past the barbed wire she was snagged on causing her blouse to rip, then bursting forcefully out of the pasta she'd been hit with. "While Queen Bee Heather took a _whole_ lot of punishment," Chris said over clips of Heather's arms covered in leeches, pasta startling her into falling backward down the climbing wall, and her final pathetic landing past it.

"But despite her best efforts," Duncan was shown getting pelted with pasta fire even as he made his way through the crawlthrough and across the minefield, "she just couldn't slow Juvie-Reject Duncan down enough to save her skin." Duncan crossed the finish line, Chris read off his time, and Heather wailed in shock. "Bye-bye!" Chris said with an audible smile over one final clip of Heather getting shot into the night by the Cannon of Shame.

The montage ended with a flash, showing a close-up of Chris in front of a bare rock wall. "Down to two from three," he said, holding up three fingers but lowering one of them, "cause now we're Heather-free. But," he lowered another finger, "it'll still be _neat_ to see who gets _beat_ ," he punched his open palm. "So! Grab a seat. There's one million _bucks_ on the line," the shot cut to a robotic arm lifting up the open suitcase full of prize money against a radiant orange-and-gold background. "Iiiiiit's _finale_ time!" Chris said as the shot cut back to him, spreading his arms then leaning back and pointing both at the camera.

"On Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

 _I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A deep note played as the episode opened on the bunker, the sky dark and the crickets chirping. Several deep and annoyed grunts issued forth from it, and the camera soon cut inside to show Eva tossing and turning in her hammock. "Come on, why don't you just _sleep_ already?" she muttered to herself with rising anger.

xxx

"Uggh, I gotta sleep so I can be at my best tomorrow," Eva confessed. "But here I can't stop thinking about everything that's happened! Like how on one hand, I'm _this_ close-" she held out a hand with the tips of her index finger and thumbs mere millimeters apart- "to winning a million bucks, but on the other, I've pretty much blown every shot I had at getting together with like the coolest girl I've ever met!" she continued, throwing up her arms before sagging in mild despair.

xxx

/

The static cut away to show Eva turning her back to the camera with a grunt, then the shot panned to the left through the dividing wall to show Duncan lying wide awake as well with his hands behind his head.

He let out a sigh. "Dude, this bites..."

xxx

"Yeah, I've been thinking about the stuff Chef told me earlier, _okay_?" Duncan told the outhouse camera in an aggressive manner. "About how it's okay not to be the tough guy 24/7, or the stuff about love. I ain't ever had a guy like Chef tell me that," he said with wide eyes, "so it's taken awhile to get my head wrapped around it. And to be honest, I really don't know how much I wanna buy into it."

"But whatever," he shrugged coolly. "It's not like it's gonna _matter_ anytime soon. I just gotta focus on winning that million, and figure out what I wanna do about Brick after."

xxx

An angelic sound played as the shot returned to a close-up of Eva, her eyes blinking blearily to sleep as the light of dawn streamed in through a window high on the wall above her.

Just as she and the music seemed to reach a peaceful rest, the wail of an airhorn pierced the walls and forced Eva back into wakefulness, her eyes snapping open wide and bloodshot. "Eva and Duncan," Chris announced over the camp loudspeakers, the screen splitting in two with a shot of the punk waking up with a glare sliding in on the left. "Meeting area, _now_!"

/

The scene flashed to Eva and Duncan standing before Chris in the open meeting area. "Yes! Today, I fire _one_ of you from a cannon," he greeted excitedly. "And _then_ start my vacation."

"Plus you'll hand one of _us_ a million bucks," Duncan added with a grin

"I haven't forgotten, dude," Chris said in annoyance, "I'm just focusing on the parts that bring me the most joy. Okay?"

"Whatever," Eva grunted. "Just bring on the challenge so I can hurry up and crush Mr. _Shortlegs_ in it," she said, looking at her opponent.

"Oh ho," Duncan said in faked shock, "so you think you got a shot at this just cause you can benchpress a lot, do ya?"

"I can do a lot more than just lift and you know it," Eva shot back, shaking her fist aggressively.

"Yeah, well, me too!" Duncan replied.

" _If_ I may continue?" Chris interrupted, his annoyed expression soon dropping. "Your final challenge is _so_ demanding, the lawyers insisted _each_ of you get a helper. Ehh," he shrugged, "it's not a horrible idea. I mean," the shot cut to the finalists as they watched him, "maybe they'll be able to help us find your bodies!" Eva and Duncan shared a brief but wary look. "So, which of the past contestants would you like as a helper?" Chris asked, stepping over to them.

xxx

"Well Brick, obviously," Duncan told the outhouse camera. "Even _with_ the feelings or whatever, he's easily the best choice. Buuuut," he added calmly with a look to the side, "I wouldn't be too disappointed to get Owen or maybe even Rodney, either."

xxx

"It's no surprise that I'd prefer Sky over anyone else," Eva confessed. "She's smart, athletic, driven...and hey, maybe this'll finally give me the chance to ask her out that I've been waiting for ever since I convinced her to get rid of Dave." She paused, then hung her head in shame. "Even after everything that's happened, I still feel like _such_ a hypocrite for doing that..."

xxx

"Yeah, I'm gonna choose Brick for this one," Duncan said with a calm smile as the static cut away and a triumphant tune played...for a few brief moments.

Chris chuckled. "' _Choose_ '?" he repeated, laughing again. "Nooo, no no no no no no no...," he told the finalists with a wag of his finger.

"What? _You're_ the one who _asked_ us," Eva pointed out in annoyance.

"I know," Chris conceded, "I asked you who you wanted, I did that to be mean." He laughed again as the sound of squeaky wheels approached. "Your helpers-" the camera pulled back to show Chef pushing a large widescreen monitor up to the host on a cart- "will be selected _thusly_!" He motioned to the TV. "When you press _this_ button," he held up a remote control with a single red button on it, "the possible helpers will flash across the screen." A game show jingle played as the shot cut to the monitor, now showing the portraits of the eliminated contestants rolling down across the screen as if on a reel. "Whoever's face it stops on, is your helper."

The reel stopped on an image of Heather scowling angrily, causing Eva and Duncan – now holding remotes - to look annoyed. "So, uh, what happens if we land on someone we don't wanna have help us?" Duncan asked.

"You each get one chance to pass and spin again," Chris answered with a wide grin as the sound of a helicopter grew louder. "And just to make things even _more_ interesting," he added, growing more and more giddy with each moment, "I've brought _all_ the helpers out to _watch_!"

"RE _LEASE_ ME, YOU _CRETIN_! I _DEMAND_ IT!" shouted a familiar voice.

Eva and Duncan gasped as the music spiked, and the shot cut to the same dual-rotor military helicopter that Chris and Chef had taken shelter in during the island's malfunctioning as it flew in overhead.

Then the camera panned downward to show the twelve eliminated campers dangling under it tied up in ropes – Max on the far left, then Katie and Sadie, Anne Maria, Mike, Owen, Rodney, Brick, Sky, Leshawna, Heather, and finally Dave on the far right.

"What's the big _idea_ , Chris?!" Heather shouted hatefully, the shot cutting in close to her and Leshawna. " _Huh_?!"

"Yeah," Leshawna chimed in, "why do _I_ gotta be hanging next to _her_!" She gestured to her rival, and the two girls locked eyes and glared.

"Girls, I don't think that's the issue here..." Sky said, the camera panning onto her.

"Oh, what difference does it make," Dave replied in a melodramatic half-sob, the camera pulling back to show him hanging his head in despair. "Nothing even _matters_ anymore..."

The three girls stared at him. "Okay, you _seriously_ need to shut up about that or I'm gonna start _kicking you_ ," Heather snapped at him.

"Bring it on..." Dave said, still moping and not meeting anyone's gaze.

Heather bent her left leg up and kicked him, causing him to shout in pain and fly up to the side...then swing back down and crash into Heather. "Aah!" she cried out as she knocked into Leshawna, who knocked into Sky, who knocked into Brick, who knocked into Rodney, who didn't move.

"Wow," Rodney remarked, "I really don't know what I ever saw in her..."

Brick gave his head a quick shake to recover from the impact, then gave Rodney an incredulous look. "You're thinking about that _now_? When we're all tied up like this?"

"Hey, I can't help the feelings that I feel," Rodney told him. "They're very powerful," he added with a knowing nod.

"Huh, I never thought about it like that," Brick said with a thoughtful look downward. "And right now mine are tellin' me to cheer for Duncan! I'm sendin' all my love your way so you can win this!"

The shot cut to Duncan, blushing furiously and covering his face.

"Woo! Yeah! Go Duncan!" Owen enthusiastically cheered, drawing the camera back upward onto him. It lingered on him for a few moments as he awkwardly looked from side to side, then directly at the camera. "Um, that's all I have to say right now," he told it.

The camera panned onto Mike. "Well, I for one just wanna say that I'm fine with _both_ of you winning," he said with a happy smile, "so don't force me to take sides." He gave a short but satisfied nod. "Also, I actually don't mind being tied up like this! At least I'm gonna get to watch this as myself," he said, finishing with a chuckle.

Another pan to the left showed Anne Maria watching him. "Ehh, I can't blame ya," she said, shrugging. "This is only like the third worst seat I've had for a show myself."

"Really?" Mike asked, raising a eyebrow in disbelief. "Are the shows in Jersey really that terrible to watch?"

"They are if ya don't have tickets!" Anne Maria answered happily.

Yet another pan put the focus on Katie and Sadie. "Ohmygosh, Sadie, I can't believe the season is almost over!" Katie told her friend.

"I know!" Sadie replied. "I like barely got to do _anything_!"

"Well you did more than me, at least," Katie pointed out.

"Oh, true," Sadie replied with an eager nod. "Maybe next time _you'll_ last longer!"

Katie inhaled excitedly. "Ohmygosh, I _so_ totally hope there's a next time!"

"Me too!" Sadie added, and the two squealed excitedly.

The camera pulled back to show Max clenching his eyes shut in pain. "Would you two _simpering_ simpletons cease that annoying _racket_?!" he finally yelled with another force to startle Katie and Sadie into looking at him. "Thank y-" he began to say plainly before they both blew raspberries at him. "Eww!" he said, cringing at the spit landing on him,

"Okay," Chris said, the music turning slow and plodding as the camera cut back to him, Eva, and Duncan. "Now that the Peanut Gallery has had a chance to reintroduce themselves, let's move on."

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there," Duncan held up a hand to interrupt – before motioning with both to the side and flatly asking "What."

"Uh, you're gonna have to be a little more specific there," Chris told him, raising an eyebrow.

"He means why are they all tied up?" Eva asked forcefully.

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a long, irritated sigh. " _Fine_ ," he said. "I'm keeping them tied up and in plain sight so we don't repeat the fiasco from _last_ season's finale, _okay_?"

"No," Eva said bluntly.

"Not really," Duncan replied.

" _Whatever_ ," Chris told them, his brow creased in annoyance. His expression then changed into a smile. "Who goes first will be decided by a coin toss," he explained, taking out a coin and flipping it towards the campers.

It hit Eva in the eye. "Agh! Watch it!" she yelled, rubbing where she'd been hit.

"Eva wins!" Chris happily announced. "Let's see who you get," he said, motioning back to the monitor as the game show jingled played again.

The shot cut to a close-up of the monitor as the portraits began to scroll past, Eva uttering a series of grunts as she watched off-screen – some hopeful, some annoyed. "Okay, stop," she said after a few seconds, the camera moving to her as she pressed the button on her remote.

The simulated reel stopped on Sky. "Good, just who I was hoping for," Eva said confidently as a triumphant jingle played. "I'll take the best partner a girl could ask for."

"Thanks, Eva," Sky said, the shot cutting to show her blushing. "I'm happy to be of help."

"Duncan," Chris said, the camera moving back to the finalists as the punk's eyes narrowed, "you're up."

The game show jingle played, and the portraits started flashing across the monitor again – until they stopped on Mike. "Huh," Duncan said, his eyes wide with surprise.

xxx

"Not exactly who I _wanted_ ," Duncan mused in the outhouse, "but not exactly the _worst_ , either..."

xxx

"Before I make my decision," Duncan told Chris, "I'd like to know who I'm _actually_ considering." He turned and walked away, the camera cutting outward to show him walking closer to the dangling ex-contestants with his gaze locked onto Mike. "Yo, can you hear me alright up there dude?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah," Mike said with a wary look, "but I really hope you aren't about to do what I think you are..."

"Oh I am," Duncan said in a serious tone before whistling the first few notes of the most recognizable part of Edvard Grieg's 'In the Hall of the Mountain King'.

All the eliminated contestants but Max and Dave gasped, and the music spiked dramatically as Mike inhaled sharply. His spike of hair fell down over his left eye, and the camera cut in close as he grinned evilly against a fiery background. Ominous pipe organ music played as Mal finished the whistled phrase.

"Why thank you, Duncan, I was getting a little _bored_ ," Mal said, the camera pulling back as he looked down at a gaping Duncan.

Owen took in a sharp, cringing hiss through his teeth. "Ooh, _yeah_...," he said. "Sorry, man, we forgot to warn you that Mike turns into that evil alter-ego when he hears that song now. It's the strangest thing!"

"Hey, I don't get it either," Mal shrugged before turning his dark grin back down at Duncan, "but I'm not complaining."

"It's alright, buddy," Owen told him. "Once I get free I'll _hug_ the bad right out of you, just like when you came to stay with the rest of us losers and were like that."

Mal promptly turned a look of disgust and alarm to the boy he was hanging next to. "Eww, no, get away from me," he said, squirming in his bonds.

"Feel the love, Mike!" Owen told him, raising his voice a little. "I'll get you free of Al, just you wait!"

"It's _Mal_ , not _Al_!" Mal angrily corrected.

"Oh, sorry," Owen said sheepishly.

An odd note played as the shot cut back to Eva, Duncan, and Chris, the latter two sharing a look. "Yeah, I'm spinning again," Duncan said.

"I don't blame you," Chris replied, the shot briefly cutting to the pictures flashing across the monitor again. "I don't wanna deal with him either."

Duncan pressed the button, and his brow shot up in shock – and the camera cut to the monitor to show that it had landed on Mike again. The camera moved in front of Duncan and Chris as they shared a side-eyed look. "I can give you the second spin Eva didn't use, if you want," the host offered after a few seconds.

"Deal," Duncan said plainly, and the game show jingle played once again as the portraits resumed scrolling down across the monitor. The shot cut to a close-up of Duncan, his eyes with with nervousness and his brow beginning to sweat as he readied his finger to press the button on his remote. He clenched his eyes shut and finally pressed it...and a wail of failure played as the stream of images stopped on Mike once again.

"Oh come on, dude, this is rigged!" Duncan objected.

"Uh, why would I rig it to give you someone who hates _me_?" Chris countered. "I'm pretty sure this is a sign that fate is out to get us, so that means you're stuck with Mal. Good luck."

" _Hah_!" Mal barked out a laugh from off-screen.

The camera pulled back as Chris turned to the right and nodded at Chef, who returned the gesture and walked away. "Okay, looks like Eva gets Sky and Duncan gets Mal," Chris said, nodding toward the helicopter. The ropes tied around the two chosen helpers abruptly came lose causing both to fall, but while Mal landed in an awkward flop Sky simply tucked her legs in and rolled as a light but triumphant tune played.

She got back onto her feet just as Eva jogged up to her, and the two girls hugged. "I missed you! I'm so glad I get to help you win this," Sky said.

"Me too," Eva replied. "I couldn't have asked for a better partner."

xxx

"I really am super happy that I get to be the one to help Eva win," Sky confessed. "We've always had a strong mutual respect for each other, and she _gets_ me like nobody else ever has. Like with how she convinced me get rid of Dave solely because she knew I didn't wanna get distracted by romance while I was out here."

xxx

The camera panned to the right as Mal snorted and stood up. "Whatever. Later, losers," he said, the shot cutting in close as he brushed the dirt off his shirt then turned around, "I'm not sticking around for this."

He took a step, and walked right into Chef. "Oh no," Chef said, the camera following Mal's gaze up onto the hulking man's grinning face, 'you're not goin' anywhere, boy." Before Mal could react, Chef locked a thick metal collar around his neck.

"Uggh, let me guess, you're gonna shock me if I don't play along, right?" Mal asked in annoyance as he tugged at the collar.

"You'd think that," Chris said with a mischievous smile, "but this is actually something different. In case you somehow ended up as one of the helpers, I had a special collar made that'll _tranquilize_ you if you don't play along. I've already made arrangements to make sure you make up nice and _cozy_ at your therapist's." He finished with a smug look.

Mal groaned in annoyance. "Fine. But don't expect me to make this easy."

"Hey, as long as you don't just bail or try and attack me, I'm cool," Chris told him.

"Uhh, I'm not," Duncan interrupted with an angry look.

xxx

"Seriously, how am I supposed to do this with a helper who's out to get me?" Duncan asked the outhouse camera.

xxx

"W-well," Brick called out, the shot cutting to the remaining ex-campers hanging from the helicopter, "don't give up! You can do this, Duncan, just keep your eye on the prize and never surrender! I believe in you!"

"Th-thanks, man," Duncan said, blushing slightly and averting his gaze, earning a curious look from Mal.

xxx

"Uggh, _love_ ," Mal told the confessional camera with disgust, idly tugging at the collar around his neck. "Well, whatever. It's just another thing I can use to mess with Duncan when I get bored."

xxx

"Eh- _hem_ ," Chris interrupted, the static cutting away to show him walking towards the two pairs. "Reunion's over? Good! It's time for your final challenge. I have endearingly titled it, 'The Double Duo of Deadly Dying Death'!" A dramatic spike in the music, reverberated voice, and zoomed-in and angled shot all combined to make the revealing of the title particularly dramatic.

"Gee, I wonder if it's _dangerous_...," Mal said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"It is," Chris told him with an annoyed look. "Because _somebody_ went rogue and changed the island completely by wreaking havoc in the secret underground control room..." he began to explain.

"You're welcome," Mal told him.

"Umm, hold on," came the voice of Dave, the camera panning back up to the still-loitering helicopter. "What did you just say?" he asked in confusion.

"Uggh, how do you _not_ know that?" Heather snapped at him. "Pay attention!"

"No no," Max interrupted, drawing the focus to the other end of the line, "the whiner is right. Host!" he yelled down at Chris. "I _demand_ you explain this!"

"No," Chris replied in a deadpan tone. "As I was saying," he continued, putting his bland smile back on as the background music became deep and tense, "we've yet to explore all the wonderful and bizarre new dangers the island's new landscape has to offer. Until now. Eva and Duncan," the shot cut back to the two pairs, "with assistance from your helpers-" Eva and Sky shared a smile while Duncan and Mal shared a glare- "you will race across the island. First one to cross the finish line will receive," Chris turned to the side and grabbed the prized suitcase from Chef, the music building up grandly as he opened it to reveal it's glowing contents, "One! Millions! Dol-lars!"

Sky, Eva, and Duncan all started cheering while Mal simply crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"All you have to do is survive a 2000-foot plummet from an ice cliff," Chris joyously explained, the camera cutting to the slender peak of a snowy mountain before quick-panning away, "successfully learn to breathe while submerged in mud," the camera panned across a bubbling lake of mud before quick-panning away again, "and then sprint two miles across a wide-open field where," the shot now panned across a seemingly ordinary and empty field, "I'm _absolutely_ sure _no_ harm will come to you."

The shot cut back to the cast as Chris began to laugh raucously for an extended period of time, Chef joining in for a few seconds before calming down and glaring at the still-laughing host. "The point I'm making," Chris said once he'd finally finished, "is that there's a decent chance you may not survive this."

Both finalists and helpers, Mal included, groaned warily. Then they were each tossed an orange helmet.

"For the first part of the challenge," Chris explained, "the lawyers insisted you wear helmets to protect your brains." The shot cut to him and Chef. "I mean who knows. Someday, you may start using them." The roar of the nearby helicopter suddenly increased, the added wind whipping up a cloud of dust around the men. "When you get to the top of the mountain, it'd be a good idea to build a bobsled," Chris instructed, "or, it'll be a _very_ rough ride down!"

The show's smaller red helicopter was shown flying over, the larger military one flying away with the rest of the former campers still attached. "Grab a rope!" Chris said, the camera panning down the four ropes hanging from the helicopter to show them dangling just above the finalists and helpers. "Your challenge begins...NOW!"

The four grabbed the ropes in front of them, and to a sudden bit of challenge music and a blast of the host's airhorn, the helicopter flew off dragging the startled teens along with it.

"Good luck! Stay safe!" Chris called out after them. "Are things I'd say, if I cared!"

/

The footage flashed ahead to the top of the snowy peak, several boxes and barrels of various junk – including what looked like several sets of skis – already waiting at the top. The small helicopter arrived momentarily, and the shot cut to its four passengers landing in the show – Sky and Eva on the left, Duncan and Mal on the right.

"Oh jeez, he wants us to build a _bobsled_ out of _this_ stuff?" Sky asked in disbelief.

" _No_ ," Eva corrected as she grabbed a pair of skis, "he just said it would be a good idea." She tossed the skis onto the ground and stepped on them, a tense challenge tune playing in the background. " _I_ happen to have a different one, so hop on."

The shot cut to a close-up of Sky smiling, then to her jumping onto the skis behind Eva. "Woo hoo! Let's do this!" she cheered as they began to slide forward down the slope.

"Yeah!" Eva chimed as just before they left the scene.

The camera panned onto Duncan, holding a pair of skis of his own. "Come on, we gotta get moving!"

"What's in it for me?" Mal asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

"A world of hurt if you don't start helping," Duncan told him, angrily brandishing a fist.

Mal yawned. "How _intimidating_ ," he said sarcastically. "We both know you won't do it."

Duncan stared at him for a moment, then relented. "Fine, But don't expect me or anyone _else_ to come help you off this freezing-cold mountain. You're stranded up here unless you help me."

"Fine," Mal said irritably, rolling his eyes and walking over to where Duncan was already waiting on his skis. The challenge music rose up again as they leaned forward, and started to slide.

The shot cut to the girls looking back over their shoulders with grins on their faces. "Awesome," Sky said, "with this lead there's no _way_ they'll catch up to us!"

They promptly skied through a tall mogul, slowing them down a little and covering Eva's eyes in snow. "Crap, I can't see!" she shouted, clawing at the packed snow as they began to swerve.

"Quickly, to the left!" Sky shouted, one hand around Eva's waist and one point ahead of them as they swerved away from the camera around another mound of snow. "Now the right!" Sky directed, the girls swerving back towards the foreground. "Left!" She shouted, but the girls just sped through another mogul earning a scream from Sky.

xxx

"This really b-b-b-b-b-b- _bites_ ," Eva confessed, blue from the cold and shivering heavily.

xxx

"Hahahaha!" Mal laughed as the scene cut back to the boys. "Look at them, it's _hilarious_!"

"Yeah, well, we're gonna be next if we don't keep dodging these things," Duncan pointed out as they began to swerve around the moguls as well. "And I wanna try and get ahead of them while we can."

Mal just rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, yeah, I got it," he droned as he continued to lean with Duncan as they dodged the moguls.

xxx

"I'm only doing this cause _I_ don't wanna end up _frozen_ in a block of snow," Mal coldly told the outhouse camera. "And also because acting ' _nice_ ' makes Mike fight my control less," he admitted with a mutter and a side-eyed look, "but _mostly_ because I don't wanna get frozen!" he told the camera with an aggressive stare.

xxx

The music ramped up dangerously as the static cut away, showing the boys sliding towards another mogul. "Left!" Duncan shouted.

"No, right!" Mal replied, the two boys leaning to opposite direction, swerving nowhere, and plowing right through the mound. "Aagh!"

"Dude!" Duncan cried out as they started swerving wildly, snow covering both their eyes. They clipped the side of another mogul, sending themselves into a screaming spin, hit a third mogul, and came out tumbling end over end.

The shot cut to the bottom of the slope, the music leveling off as what looked like a mogul on skis slid down. The camera zoomed in as two patches of snow fell away to reveal Sky and Eva inside, the two girls moaning and blue in the face. "Eva, we gotta move," Sky weakly told her partner, "before-"

A massive snowball suddenly ran them over, breaking the snow but leaving the girls lying in a puddle of melting snow. A crash was heard off-screen, but the camera lingered in place as Sky and Eva groaned and stood up. "Let's go," Sky told her partner. "You're still in this..."

"...yeah," Eva said as she caught her breath. "Yeah!" she said, more energetically this time, standing up and raising her arms. "I've got this!" she declared before charging forward, the shot cutting to Sky as she smiled softly then raced after her partner.

The camera followed them along for a few seconds until they reached a heap of snow, skis, and dazed-looking boys, which the shot immediately focused on. "Dude, what the heck?" Duncan shot at his partner, the punk lying upside-down half-trapped in the snow. "I told you to go left!"

"And _I_ told _you_ to go right!" Mal countered, his head sticking out the right way up but his legs sticking out over it.

"Yeah, but _I'm_ the one in charge!" Duncan replied. " _You're_ just a helper!"

"And you're lucky I'm _helping_ you at all!" Mal said before the snow holding him up crumbled away, causing him to fall over with a startled gasp.

"Hah!" Duncan barked out a laugh before a small pile of melting snow collapsed onto his face.

/

The scene cut away to show Chris and Chef sitting in lawn chairs eating popcorn as they watched the challenge feed, the host promptly pausing it with a beep and looking at the camera. "This finale's out of control!" he said excitedly as the capstone theme began to play. "The girls got _run over_! The _boys_ can't stop arguing! And _all_ of them just plowed through like a ton of snow!"

"Stay tuned, "he continued, the shot moving away but the host quickly popping back up in front of it. "Someone is leaving here a _millionaire_. It's the finale of Total! Drama! Paaaaaahkitew Island!"

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

The episode resumed on a shot of Sky and Eva, their skin tones back to normal, running up to a smiling Chris. "Welcome back," he told the camera as the background music rolled into a low and slow expository tune. "Eva and helper Sky are the first to arrive, here," he turned and motioned to the right, "at the world's largest mud puddle!" The camera pulled back, revealing that the trio was standing near the edge of a large lake of burbling mud, a measuring stick rising out of it at the nearest edge.

"It's eight feet deep," Chris explained over a close-up of the measuring stick showing the mud reaching up very nearly to the 8' mark, "and 200 yards across. And," the camera quick-panned to the far right side of the 'puddle', "since it's too thick to swim through," the shot cut back to the girls and Chris, "the only way to the other side is with _one_ of you piggybacking the other."

"Umm...," Sky said hesitantly, sharing a wary look with Eva, "doesn't that mean the person on the bottom..."

"Will drown?" Chris finished. "Yes."

"What?!" Eva said in wide-eyed shock.

"Unless they use this garden hose!" Chris added, a light chime playing as he held up a length of green hose.

Eva let out a breath. "Okay then. Guess I'm on the bottom, then."

Sky's eyes widened a bit in a brief bit of surprise, and she looked at her partner. "No no, _I'm_ supposed to be the one helping _you_ , I should be the one doing the hard stuff."

Eva raised an eyebrow. "You seriously think you can carry me through 200 yards of mud?"

xxx

"Okay, no offense to Sky," Eva told the outhouse camera, "but flexibility and gymnastic skills aren't useful here. We just need someone who can _lift_ , and Sky's just not as strong as she thinks she is."

xxx

"Okay, maybe you can hold the weight better," Sky told Eva, "but I still wanna _help_ you."

"Yeah, and you can do that by helping me breathe," Eva replied, pointing a thumb back at Chris and his section of hose. "I know that you like being more active in challenges, but somebody has to be on top and it makes more sense to be the lighter girl."

Sky looked at her, but briefly looked down. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. But...just let me know if you need anything at all during this, okay?"

"Believe me, I will," Eva told her. "I wouldn't trust anyone else to help me win this."

A touching tune started to play as the camera cut from a close-up of Eva's face, a surprisingly soft look in her eyes, to Sky smiling and blushing in return.

xxx

"Okay, that...just happened," Sky said in shock, not looking at the camera as she felt her forehead. "I have _no_ idea what that was. I mean, I _think_ I know what it was, only what I _think_ it was has never _been_ , at least not with _me_ anyway. So it _must_ have been something _else_ , but then what could it-"

She belched, and her eyes went wider. "Okay, either I'm _sick_ , or it really _was_ what I think it was," she told the camera. "But if it really _was_ that, then I can't do anything about it, because it _so_ isn't the time," she said, speaking faster ans faster. "I need to focus on _supporting_ Eva, and if I bring this up it's guaranteed to make things _weird_ between us. I mean, she's the one who really helped me to keep putting the competition ahead of my feelings, it would be disrespectful to _both_ of us if I stopped now." She trailed off there, anxiously poking her fingers together.

xxx

Eva opened the next confessional with a lovesick sigh. " _Man_ I can't get enough of her. It took everything I had not to kiss her then and there."

xxx

A low, trumpeting challenge theme began to play as the scene cut to Eva and Sky jumping into the mud, the former disappearing below its depths while the latter, on her shoulders, held up the length of hose. They started moving forward, and the camera panned back to the left to show Mal, Duncan, and Chris holding up another length of hose.

"Yeah, I'll be on top," Mal stated.

"Uh, excuse me?" Duncan countered, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't trust you not to let me drown," Mal told him. "A strong self-preservation instinct is my entire deal, remember?"

Duncan groaned and palmed his face. "Fine, dude," he said, taking the hose from Chris, "but if you let me suffocate I'm dragging you down into the mud with me."

"Yeah, I got it," Mal deadpanned, and as Duncan crouched down he jumped onto the punk's shoulders. Duncan stood back up and put the end of the hose in his mouth, and the camera moved to Mal's smirking face. "Giddyup!" he said mockingly, provoking an eyeroll from Duncan just before he jumped into the mud.

The tense music faded away as the camera moved onto Chris, the host sighing as Chef walked up. "You think the mud was a bad idea?" Chris asked. "It's a little quiet..."

"Ya could just bring the Peanut Gallery back to watch," Chef suggested.

"Oh yeah," Chris said as if in sudden realization, "almost forgot about them. Bring 'em back in!" he said into a walkie talkie he only then pulled out.

Moments later the wind kicked up around them, and the camera zoomed out to show the large helicopter flying in with the former contestants still hanging – and screaming as they swayed ominously – below it. "For pete's sake, would you let us down already?!" Anne Maria shouted angrily. "It's freezin' up here!"

"Yeah, I wanna cheer for Duncan!" Brick chimed in.

A snort of contempt drew the camera's focus to Heather. "You know he's never gonna like you back, right?" she asked him. "He's too much of a tough guy." The shot briefly cut to Chef scowling up at her before moving back to Brick.

"Y-you don't know that," Brick countered. "I know Duncan way better than you do, and I know the connection I felt with him was real."

"So was the connection _I_ felt with _Sky_ ," Dave mopily pointed out, drawing the camera back to the right. "And we all know how _that_ turned out..."

"Oh! I know!" Rodney said brightly. "It was because you didn't _communicate_ with her enough, wasn't it?" he asked with a grin and a simple nod.

Dave promptly burst out crying, earning a growl of disgust from Heather. "Eww, stop it!"

"You _better_ not kick him again," Leshawna told her.

"Hey, I learned my lesson," Heather shot back, "so don't get all _huffy_."

"I'll get as ' _huffy_ ' as I want to!" Leshawna countered angrily.

"Girls, girls, calm down!" Rodney told them as the camera panned back to the left.

"Hey, what's going on?" came the voice of Max, drawing the focus further on to the left as Dave's sobs and Heather and Leshawna's argument continued loudly off-screen. "I _demand_ to be told if there's any displays of patheticness so that I may _laugh_ in their hideous faces."

"Umm, could you like, _stop_ being so _creepy_?" Sadie asked to Katie's shock. "It's like _totally_ making us uncomfortable."

"Oh my _gosh_ , Sadie, I can't believe you just said that!" Katie told her.

"Well," Sadie huffed, "like _somebody_ had to. And since I, like, _do_ things now, why shouldn't it be me?"

"Totally," Katie gushed. "You _go_ , Sadie!"

Max snorted. "Please. Like I'd ever take suggestions from the likes of you two. _Especially_ when you're complaining about my _e-vil_."

"You ain't _evil_ , you're just _annoyin_ '!" Anne Maria shouted at him, the camera zooming out. "Heck, if I wasn't tied up right now I'd have half a mind to pound ya!"

Max gasped dramatically. "How _dare_ you!"

He and the girls started arguing, and the camera panned to the right onto Owen looking in their direction – and then towards the continued sounds of Dave, Heather, and Leshawna. "Umm, Chris?" he looked forward and asked loudly. "Can we please come down now? We're all getting a bit testy from being tied up."

"No, and I don't care," Chris answered with a calm smile.

"Actually, we probably should," Chef told him. "Helicopter can't keep flyin' forever, and we gotta save enough fuel for the ride home!"

A flat note played over a close-up of Chris staring blankly at him. "Huh...good point," he admitted, rubbing his chin in thought. "Ooh!" he said with a suddenly grin and snap of his fingers. "I just had an idea!"

/

A flash took the scene to the girls, the tense challenge music resuming at a low volume and slow pace in the background. They were still slogging through the mud, Eva out of sight but Sky only submerged up to her chest. She looked back over her shoulder, smiled, then said "Keep going, you're doing great!" into the piece of hose she was holding. "They're _way_ far behind!"

The camera quick-panned back to the left to show the boys in a similar situation, Mal scowling from atop the hidden Duncan's shoulders. "Hmmph. I hate seeing them look so _happy_ ," he scowled before reaching down and scooping up a handful of mud. " _This_ oughta make things slightly more interesting..."

The music ramped up as he threw the mudball with a vicious grin, the camera following along as it flew through the air and hit Sky in the back of the head. She let out a small gasp as it hit her, then looked back with a wide-eyed stare. "Hey! What are you doing?"

She was answered with another mudball to the face, the shot cutting back to Mal as he laughed and readied another one. "Euggh..." Sky groaned as she wiped the mud off her face with her left hand...only for her to gasp and the music to spike as the third mudball hit her in her right causing her to drop the hose. "Oh no! Eva!" she cried out over a shot of the hose landing end-first in the mud, bubbles forming around it for a brief second before it seemed to contract...

"Haha, that'll keep them busy," Mal laughed, the shot briefly cutting back to him continuing forward on Duncan's shoulders.

The music struck a particularly dangerous riff as the fallen hose was shown bulging as mud started getting sucked up into it, the camera pulling back as Sky picked the hose back up, her and Eva no longer moving forward. "No no no, I'm _so_ sorry Eva," Sky said worriedly as she started squeezing the mud back out of the hose. " _Please_ hold on!" A glob of mud came out of the end of the hose, then she looked at it and cringed.

xxx

"This is gonna be _super_ gross," Sky confessed, "but I don't want Eva to breathe in any mud because of me."

xxx

Another dramatic riff played as Sky gave the muddy hose-end one last cringing look, then stuck it in her mouth and started to suck. She quickly spat out a bit of mud, then resumed sucking.

"Hah, hah, hah," came drawling laugh of Mal, causing Sky to pause after spitting out some more mud to look back with a scowl. "What's the matter?" he asked as he entered the scene, still on Duncan's shoulder. "Breathing trouble?"

"You...!" Sky said with rising anger before a cough suddenly erupted from the end of her hose. "Eva!" Sky quickly said into it. "I'm _so_ sorry for what happened, but if you start moving again you'll still be in the lead!"

The shot cut to Mal narrowing his eyes, then back to Sky as she started moving forward through the mud again. "Hah! Take that, _cheater_!" she shot at him, the camera pulling back a ways to show the boys right behind the girls.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that..." Mal muttered, reaching down and preparing another ball of mud.

"BOR-ING!" came the sudden voice of Chris McLean, the camera cutting to him standing in the show's jeep with Chef at the wheel, speaking into the microphone of the jeep's loudspeaker. "Deploy the 3.0 model!"

The shot cut back to Mal and Sky as they looked around with strange expressions, the sound of something like a rocket taking off coming from somewhere in the distance. They looked up and to the left, and the camera shifted to their viewpoint to show a large object shooting up through the sky overhead...

...then abruptly diving towards them, revealing itself as a red-eyed robotic bear with small jet engines coming out of its back. Mal and Sky screamed as their respective partners continued forward, getting out of the way as the Bear landed in the mud. It hit with enough force to cause a wave of mud, which shot all the way across the puddle carrying the finalists and their helpers along for the ride. All four immediately began to cough upon landing in a muddy heap.

xxx

"Okay, I have _no_ idea what just happened," Duncan told the outhouse camera, "but I'm not gonna complain about being tied again."

xxx

"Well that _sucked_ ," Eva grunted, her arms crossed and her brow creased. "Chris _totally_ just blew my lead!"

xxx

A close-up of the nozzle of a fire hose in Chef's hands preceded him blasting the muddy finalists and helpers with water, all four screaming where they'd landed on the shore of the 'puddle'. Moments later the water was shut off, leaving them drenched but clean.

"We're all tied up," Chris announced with a smile, "perfect time for a little break. First, let's bring in the Peanut Gallery again." He took out his remote and pointed it at a patch of ground nearby, a hole opening up in it and a rather shoddy-looking set of stadium seats shooting up out of it with the ten former contestants seated – and still tied-up – in it.

"It's about time," Leshawna said, the shot cutting to her sitting in the bottom row...still next to Heather. "Will you please tell me we're gonna be able to actually _watch_ the rest of the challenge from here?"

"Yup!" Chris answered with a happy smile, pressing the button on his remote again so that a large widescreen television emerged from another hole in the ground near him and the finalists.

"Well can you untie us, too?" Heather chimed in.

Chris huffed. "Whine, whine, whine," he said in annoyance. "Don't I do enough for you kids as it is?"

"No," all fourteen of the season's cast members replied at the same time.

A flat note played over a close-up of the host pursing his lips, then glancing to the side at Chef. "Told ya they'd still be mad."

"Whatever," Chris said, the camera zooming back out again to show the finalists and helpers. "Everyone, grab a seat," he instructed, and the four reluctantly sat down on the logs lying behind them. "I'm gonna show you some of my _favorite_ clips from the show..." He pointed his remote at the TV, and the shot focused in as it switched on and started to play footage of a confessional...

xxx

"I spent so much time _pressuring_ Sky into getting rid of Dave," Eva told the outhouse camera with a hint of anguish in her voice, "convincing her to give up a chance at love so she could focus on the game. And for what reason? So _I_ could have a chance with _her_!"

xxx

"It's pretty easy, especially since I have a cute co-star-slash-love interest," Eva confidently confessed before pausing and putting a hand on the back of her head.

xxx

"Don't get me wrong, I like how considerate Sky is," Eva told the outhouse camera, the confessional briefly being interrupted by static. "But we can't really afford to be that nice right now, losing the challenge because one of the others _might_ be in danger is pretty dumb."

xxx

"Okay, no offense to Sky," Eva told the outhouse camera, "but flexibility and gymnastic skills aren't useful." A bit of static abruptly interrupted the confessional again. "Sky's just not as strong as she thinks she is."

xxx

The footage paused, and Chris leaned out in front of the television with a wide and mischievous grin. "Gee, I wonder what that all was about?" he asked. "Seems like _someone's_ been having some ulterior motives, huh?"

"Wait...that..." Sky said as the camera moved to her and Eva, her eyes wide with shock. "Does this mean that...," she turned and asked Eva with an uncertain but hurt expression, "have you only been helping me so you could ask me out?"

"Wait, Sky, I can explain," Eva frantically replied. "Like _all_ of those clips were edited, they totally don't show how _awful_ I felt about it!"

"So you admit that you only did everything to get close to me!" Sky said, growing angrier and more accusatory. "I can't _believe_ this!"

"No, I-" Eva tried to say.

"I don't wanna hear it," Sky cut her off, putting a hand in Eva's face. "I thought you really respected that I wanted to focus on the competition, but I can see now that that was a _lie_..." She crossed her arms and turned away, causing Eva to droop in shame.

A derisive snort drew the camera's attention to Dave, sitting in the back row of the Peanut Gallery with the rest of the boys. "Serves both of them right for stomping all over my _feelings_..." he said bitterly.

"I'm just worried what Chris is gonna show from Duncan," Brick said nervously, the camera panning to the left. "It looks like he wants to mess up both of the finalists..."

"Maybe he won't show anything?" Owen suggested. "I mean, it's not like Al liked Duncan to begin with."

"I-I guess so," Brick said, still looking anxious.

The shot cut back to a smiling Chris. "Oh, don't worry, I have no intention of leaving Duncan out of all this _fun_ ," he said happily.

"Actually, could _I_ do the honors?" Mal spoke up, drawing the focus to him and a nervous Duncan. "I happen to know a lot of Duncan's deepest, most well-kept secrets," he said, giving the punk a sly smirk.

Chris laughed. "Go right ahead, dude, this might even be better than what I had."

"Oh it is," Mal said, still smirking darkly at a wide-eyed and wary Duncan. "Of course, I _could_ spare some of Duncan's more _devastating_ secrets, in exchange for his undying loyalty..."

Duncan's eyes went even wider.

xxx

"Okay, blackmailing me into slavery, shoulda seen that coming from the guy who used to rule juvie with an iron fist," Duncan admitted. "I hate to say it, but I gotta make a choice between letting Mal win and keeping my secrets, or not running away from them anymore and sticking it to someone I've been afraid of for years. Either way my pride's gonna take a hit, so I'm thinkin' there's only one way forward."

xxx

A deep, dramatic note was struck over a shot of Duncan's unibrow furrowing decisively. "You know what? No. I know what you're gonna say, and I'm _not_ givin' you the pleasure," he said, standing up and earning odd looks from Mal and Chris. He took a deep breath, then turned towards the Peanut Gallery. "Brick," the shot quickly cut to the cadet perking up, Owen and the rest of the former campers around him doing likewise. "I...," Duncan squinted and gulped, "I _like_ you, okay? Like you like me."

"R-really?" Brick asked with a hopeful look as several of the other ex-contestants gaped in shock, Heather included. Owen, meanwhile, merely watching with sparkling eyes and a wide smile.

"Yeah, really," Duncan said rather gruffly. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't say so before, but the thing is I just really don't know how to handle likin' another dude. So I tried to put off dealin' with it for as long as I could."

"Well, I...can't say I'm not disappointed," Brick told him, "but at the same time I think I get where you're comin' from. I'm fine figuring this out later if that's what you want."

"It is, so thanks," Duncan said with a smile.

The shrill and sudden sound of an airhorn blasted through the air, causing the teens to wince. "Yawn," Chris said in a bored tone as the shot cut back to him. "That was _way_ less dramatic than I was hoping for."

"I'll say," Mal chimed in. "It's not even what I was gonna reveal."

"Pfft," Duncan crossed his arms and scoffed, "you got nothin' on me."

"I know why you went to juvie," Mal replied confidently.

Duncan just scoffed again, earning a scowl from Mal. "Whatever, dude. I just stole my old principal's car, went for a joyride, and totaled it. Caused a lot of property damage but nobody even _died_."

Mal huffed in annoyance. "Great. Since when did people stop _fearing_ me like they should?"

"Since we got to know the _Mike_ inside of you," Duncan answered. "Now why don't you just _go away_ so he can come back out?"

"Not a chance!" Mal replied angrily.

An ominous riff played as the camera panned away from them and onto Sky and Eva. "Sky, please, let me explain!" Eva pleaded.

"For the last time, _no_!" Sky countered. "I'm not in the mood for any _explanations_ about why you think it was okay to manipulate me like that!" Eva hung her head and groaned.

"Okay," Chris said happily as the shot moved onto him, "I'm sensing some major hostility and I'm liking it. I'm out of popcorn, though, so we should probably get back to the challenge."

" _Seriously_?!" the finalists and helpers alike exclaimed.

"Obviously, the helpers _aren't_ gonna be very helpful anymore," Chris replied. "So, instead of helpers, Sky and Mal will now be _hinderers_." As he spoke Chef walked back into view with a pair of video game controllers, tossing one each to Sky and Mal. "The island is _now_ back online," Chris continued, "and, with these controllers, they will be able to throw up obstacles to throw you down, or, _completely_ crush you."

The shot cut to Mal as he looked at his controller, grinned, and started a low, evil laugh that rapidly rose up, culminating in a low-angled shot of him raising it above his head in front of an ominously stormy background. "Perfect..."

"Umm, Chris?" Heather asked, the shot cutting to show her and the rest of the Peanut Gallery watching fearfully. "Don't you think giving control of the island to the guy who tried to _kill us_ is a bad idea?"

"Yes," Chris answered with a blunt smile. "Fortunately, I took the precaution of keying their controls to only effect the stretch of the island used in the final part of the challenge. Plus, if worse comes to worse, my _own_ remote-" he held up his single-buttoned remote- "can reverse whatever he does. Him and Sky are _strictly_ gonna be meddling with the finalists."

"Umm...," Sky said uncertainly, the camera cutting to her staring at her remote.

Duncan and Eva gulped, and Chris laughed. " _That_ was the good part," he said. "Let me tell you the _bad_ part. You have ten minutes to finish this challenge," he told Duncan and Eva. "If neither of you do, Mal and Sky get to split the money."

"Dude, _what_?" Duncan said in shock.

"That's not fair!" Eva protested.

Chris laughed. "Yeah, well, neither is life. And since Duncan's the one that brought Mal back out and Eva's the one who lied to Sky-"

"Hey!" Eva barked in outrage. "That was-"

Chris raised a hand to silence her. "You only have _yourselves_ to blame for creating your own hinderers." Duncan and Eva groaned again, and Chris resumed laughing.

The shot cut to a close-up of Chef as he shook his head. "Man, you really are goin' all out on these kids, aren't ya?"

"Uh, _duh_ , it's the finale," Chris replied, giving him an odd look.

"It ain't just that," Chef told him. "This whole season you've been practically goin' out of your way to torture the kids, even when ya don't need to!"

"Again, _duh_ ," Chris said, still giving his assistant an odd look. "That's the whole draw of the entire _show_ , remember? And we gotta keep outdoing ourselves each season or we won't be able to keep up the ratings. You should _know_ this by now, you've never had a problem before."

"Look, I'll admit I enjoy watching a buncha snot-nosed teenagers get into a world of pain," Chef said. "But I'm startin' to think we don't gotta be so cruel about it, with the heart-breakin' and the blackmailin' and all that," he said, the camera following his motion first to Sky and then to Mal, both watching with confused looks. "I mean for cripes sake, the Peanut Gallery ain't even cheered once since they got here! Not even Brick," he motioned to the side and the shot cut to the boy in question looking startled, "and it's practically his _boyfriend_ that's a finalist!"

"In my defense," Brick piped up, "it's awfully hard to get excited when you're worried about the guy you like. And also when you're tied up pretty tight!" he added, squirming against the ropes that were binding him.

The shot cut back to Chris and Chef, the former looking skeptical. "See?" Chef asked him. "Nobody's havin' any fun!"

" _I'm_ having fun," Chris pointed out. "And last time I checked, that's what really mattered."

Chef groaned and palmed his face. "Chris, man, you ain't listenin'. If you keep this up, sooner or later the kids aren't gonna take it anymore and the show's gonna be over."

Chris immediately and flippantly scoffed. "Please, like _that'll_ ever happen. Kids like them will do _anything_ for a million bucks, or even _half_ a million, am I right?" he asked, looking towards the finalists and ex-helpers.

A dramatic theme began to build up as the shot moved to the four, all staring at Chris. "You know what?" Sky said, standing defiantly. " _No_. Just because I'm mad at Eva right now _doesn't_ mean I wanna hurt her like this. Chef's right, you're going too far. Heck, you've been going too far all _season_ , and I for one am sick and tired of being messed with and hurt. I _refuse_ to take part in this."

"Hey, your loss," Chris told her irritably. "I'll just give your share of the money to Mal instead, _he'll_ play along. Especially because I'll send him off to dreamland and therapy if he doesn't."

"Maybe you have Mal, but you _don't_ have Mike," Sky replied before turning to look at Mal, who raised an eyebrow at her. "And I know he's in that body just _yearning_ to take control again. I believe in you Mike!"

Mal shuddered, then glared at Sky. "Don't bother. I'm not gonna lose control as easily as last time. Mike's not coming back out anytime soon."

"Maybe not, but you still have four other alters," Sky told him with a smirk. "And I have something I've wanted to say to _one_ of them for awhile."

The shot cut to Duncan and Eva looking at her curiously, then the peanut Gallery doing the same, then to Mal narrowing his eyes. "You wouldn't _dare_...," he said threateningly.

"I would," Sky replied confidently, crossing her arms. "Svetlana, _I don't think you're really an Olympic champion!_ " she declared, the music spiking dramatically and the former members of Waneyihtam Maskwak all gasping from their seats.

The shift was immediate, the camera cutting to 'Mal' at the tail end of his sharp inhalation, the body's hair sticking back up and features becoming more feminine. "YOU _DARE_!" Svetlana shouted in fury, dropping her controller and zipping over to lean in Sky's face. "SVETLANA IS _INFINITELY_ MORE AN OLYMPIAN THAN _YOU_ SHALL EVER BE!"

"Then prove it," Sky said confidently. "You and me, first one to steal the remote from Chris using only her gymnastic skills wins."

"Wait, what?" Chris asked in sudden alarm.

"YOU ARE _ON_!" Svetlana shouted, and the two girls forcibly shook hands. "Hup- _hah_!" she shouted, immediately leaping off to the right as a dangerous challenge tune quickly began to play.

"Yeah!" Sky cheered, dropping her own controller and dashing to the right as well.

The shot cut to Duncan and Eva sharing a wide-eyed glance, then diving forward and picking up the controllers their former helpers had dropped. They quickly stood up, but while Eva looked indecisively in the direction her crush had gone, Duncan quickly turned and ran towards the Peanut Gallery.

"Wait, let's talk about this!" Chris cried out in terror as the shot cut back to him, backing up quickly as Svetlana sped towards him in a series of bounding handsprings, culminating in launching herself into the air, twisting two-and-a-half times, and hitting him feet-first in his shoulders sending him crying to the ground.

"Svetlana _sticks_ the take-down!" she declared with a proud pose.

"But _Sky_ takes the gold!" Sky countered, rolling forward and stopping just before she hit Svetlana, using her momentum to uncurl her legs and lash them out towards her rival...

...who simply backflipped and landed on them in a handstand. "Hah! Who is the fooling now?" she taunted, the camera angle shifting and zooming to show her rotating around, then swinging under Sky's legs like they were a horizontal bar and shooting over the fallen host. The shot cut to her hitting the ground in a somersault, and rolling back onto her feet.

"Ta-da!" she declared with a victorious pose and blare in the music, now holding on to Chris' remote.

"Good job. You win, Svetlana," Sky congratulated as she walked over.

"Yes, I am knowing," Svetlana replied, lowering her arms and giving her opponent a look of disdain. "Now take back your _filthy_ lie."

"Yes, I'm sorry for not believing your claim, it's obvious that you're an Olympian now," Sky told her. "Now if you'll give me that remote, I bet I can get that _collar_ off of you."

"What is this...' _collar_ ' you speak of?" Svetlana asked skeptically before the camera pulled back, showing her noticing the metal ring around her neck. "Ah. Svetlana sees," she said blankly before a close-up showed her dropping the remote in Sky's waiting hands.

"Thanks!" Sky said brightly before pointing it at Svetlana, cringing in anxious hope, and pressing the button.

The collar beeped, and fell to the ground. Then Svetlana inhaled, and Mike returned. "Ohmygosh, Sky, thank you _so_ so much," he immediately gushed. "Between Mal being in control again and the threat of Chris forcing me to cooperate regardless I was _really_ freaking out."

"I'm glad I could help," Sky smiled. "Now let's see what _else_ this thing can do," she added looking down at the remote.

The shot cut back to Chris as he gasped dramatically, the music becoming dangerously tense again. He then looked to the left, and the camera quick-panned over to show Duncan removing the last bit of rope from a smiling Brick. "Thanks a lot!" he said graciously as he rubbed his wrists.

"No problem," Duncan replied with a smile. "Now let's get to work on the others." He quickly started working on the ropes binding Owen, and Brick excitedly leaned down and started work on Anne Maria's bindings.

A quick-pan back to Chris showed him gaping in abject horror. "Chef!" he yelled, the camera pulling back to show the hulking man standing next to him looking dumbfounded. " _Do_ something already, before they mess up my show even more!" he ordered. "Or do I have to remind you how much you _need me_?" he added angrily.

Chef sighed, then dashed to the right.

"Hmm, let me see now..." Sky said, a finger on her lower lip as she and Mike looked over the stolen remote.

"Sorry, girlie," Chef said from off-screen, drawing Sky's attention towards him just before he grabbed her by the wrist that was holding the remote and held her up as high as he could, earning a startled shriek in return. "It's...it's complicated, alright?" he explained in an anxious tone. "Just hand over the remote and you'll be fine."

"Let go of her!" Mike yelled, lunging at Chef only for him to grab him by the shirt with his right hand and throw him away.

"No, Mike!" Sky gasped, struggling defiantly to break Chef's grasp. "Chef, this is our chance to _end_ this!" she pleaded with her captor. "I thought that was what you _wanted_!"

"I want a lotta things, girlie!" Chef replied. "And that remote is one of 'em!"

"Well, too bad!" Sky shouted before swinging her legs back, then slamming her knees into his chest. He was sent staggering back with a pained grunt, but he didn't let go of her.

"Oh, you're askin' for it, girl," he told her, grabbing her legs with his other hand and causing her to yelp again, then turning around as he raised her above his head.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER!" roared the voice of Eva, Chef and Sky sending startled looks to the left just in time to see The Iron Woman run up and punch Chef hard in the gut. A close-up followed of her grabbing him by the ears, earning a startled cry that was cut short when she pulled his head down and slammed her knee into his chin. The shot cut outward as she finished him off with a roundhouse kick to the chest, sending him flying backward with a yell – and dropping Sky in the process.

A close-up showed her landing in Eva's arms as the dangerous music abruptly cut out. The viewpoint inverted to show Eva smiling down sheepishly at her former helper, then switched back to show Sky blush and look away. "Thanks..." she said quietly before she was let down.

"Heh, no problem," Eva replied awkwardly.

The camera cut back to the left, showing Chris standing up and dusting himself off. "This is a complete disaster, you kids are in _so_ much trouble right now!" he said angrily, pulling out his cellphone. "Just wait 'til I call the producers!"

"Not so fast!" Brick interjected as he ran over, grabbing Chris by the wrist and prying the phone out of his hand. "It's _over_ for you!"

He tossed the phone to the side, and it was caught by a waiting and smiling Duncan. "Yeah, dude. You and Chef are beat, and _we've_ got control of the island," he said, holding up the video game controller he'd picked up. "Unless you think the interns are gonna come save you, I'd say you've got nothing over us." The camera panned to the side to show the rest of the former competitors walking up behind him, all ten glaring angrily at Chris.

"Uh, yeah I do," Chris furiously retorted. "You're all under _contract_ , remember? I pretty much _own you_ until the season's over! And _that_ won't happen until someone _wins_ , and _I'm_ the only one who decides how that's gonna _happen_!"

Sky, Eva, and Mike walked over from the right, the latter two dragging a dazed Chef who appeared to have been tied up with his own apron.

Duncan and Eva looked at one another. "Yeah, that could be a problem," the punk admitted.

"Not quite," Brick replied with a smile. "Chris already _explained_ the last part of the challenge, so all you two gotta do is race!"

"Yeah, too bad I can change the rules whenever I want," Chris interjected. "And _I_ say that challenge isn't gonna happen, and _instead_ -"

Brick quickly clamped a hand over the host's mouth, stifling whatever he was gonna say next. "Well in that case, I'd have to guess that right now as far as the rules are concerned we're stuck with only two people eligible to win, and no way to decide between 'em."

"Uh, dude, where are you even going with all this?" Duncan asked.

"No idea!" Brick admitted boldly, an odd pratfall-ish riff playing in the background. "I was hoping someone else would jump in by now!"

"Ooh! I know!" Owen spoke up, eagerly raising his hand. "Maybe one of you could just forfeit?"

" _No_ ," Duncan and Eva answered with simultaneous bluntness.

"Aww...," Owen said, drooping his head in disappointment.

"Oh, why don't you just, like, _split_ the money?" Sadie suggested, immediately earning an enthusiastic nod from Katie. "That's fair, right?"

A deep note played as the shot cut back to Duncan and Eva sharing another look. "Uh, I guess I'm cool with half a mil," Duncan said.

"Same here," Eva said.

"Well that settles it," Brick declared happily as triumphant music began to swell up in the background. "Duncan and Eva tied! The competition is over and we can all go home!"

All the former campers started to cheer, and Brick pulled Duncan into a drawn-out kiss on the lips that left the punk with a dopey grin when it finally ended.

"Congratulations," Sky told Eva as the shot focused in on them. "Maybe...I overreacted a bit earlier," she said levelly.

"No, I...have some explaining to do...," Eva said sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.

She was cut off, however, when Mike and Rodney suddenly picked her up, joining up with the other ex-campers who were already carrying Duncan. Sky laughed. "I guess it'll have to wait," she said softly before rushing over to join with the crowd carrying the two 'victors' off.

The camera lingered in place as the former contestants walked past, and zoomed in slightly on a shocked and horrified host. "What! No! You...you can't do this!" he called out after them. "This is my show! _My_ show! _I_ make the rules! _I'm_ in control! I'm the freaking _host_!"

"REVENGE!" Max suddenly yelled, running over from the left and kicking Chris hard in the shin.

"OWW!" Chris screamed in pain, raising his leg and grabbing where he'd been kicked.

/

The somber elimination theme began to play as the screen rotated about itself, transitioning the scene to the Cannon of Shame, the sun still in the sky and the fourteen former contestants gathered around it.

"You guys ready?" Sky asked, the shot cutting in close to her as she held out the remote.

"Wait, please!" came the begging voice of Chris McLean, the camera moving up to the cannon's barrel as he stuck his head out of it. "I'll do _anything_ , just gimme back my _show_!"

"Nope! Too bad," Sky replied with a happy smile.

"So long!" Brick added, snapping off a salute.

The cannon fired, and the teens laughed as Chris was sent screaming off into the distance.

"Alright, let's get out of here," Duncan said with a grin, holding onto the suitcase of prize money with Eva.

"Yeah, let's blow this dump!" she added with what was almost a roar, earning a laugh from Sky.

The wind suddenly picked up around them and several ropes were lowered shortly thereafter, the camera pulling back to show the large two-rotored helicopter hovering above them. The cast all grabbed onto the ropes, and a fun and energetic tune took over the music as they were airlifted away...

...then the music cut out, and the camera cut back to the Cannon of Shame area as Chef ran up, missing his apron. He stopped at the cannon and leaned against it with one arm to catch his breath, and after a few seconds he looked up at the sky in disbelief. "Well, shit..."

It was then that he noticed the camera filming him. "Oh! Um, uh," he stuttered, the capstone theme beginning in the background. "Wasn't that somethin'?" he asked with an awkward smile. "I got no idea what's gonna happen to anyone or anything, or even how I'm gonna get off this crappy fake island. So for now, this is the end. Of Total! Drama! Pahkitew Island!" he declared with arms raised, the usual dramatic tune welling up as the camera jumped further and further out, until the island was shown in full with the helicopter the campers had taken flying off into the distance...

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

/

/

[PSYCHE!]

[AS FUN AS THAT WAS]

[THERE'S STILL TWO ENDINGS LEFT TO GO]

/

/

/

/

/

" _That_ was the good part," Chris said. "Let me tell you the _bad_ part. You have ten minutes to finish this challenge," he told Duncan and Eva. "If neither of you do, Mal and Sky get to split the money."

"Dude, _what_?" Duncan said in shock.

"That's not fair!" Eva protested.

Chris laughed. "Yeah, well, neither is life. And since Duncan's the one that brought Mal back out and Eva's the one who lied to Sky-"

"Hey!" Eva barked in outrage. "That was-"

Chris raised a hand to silence her. "You only have _yourselves_ to blame for creating your own hinderers." Duncan and Eva groaned again, and Chris resumed laughing.

The shot cut to a close-up of Chef as he shook his head, but only sighed in disappointment.

"GO!" Chris announced, blowing his airhorn right in Chef's face earning an annoyed sigh from the man. Duncan and Eva immediately ran off, but the camera cut to a close-up of a thoughtful Sky.

"Well...I'm not really _comfortable_ with how this is set up," Sky said to herself, a finger on her lower lip. "But...I guess it wouldn't be _too_ bad if I just made this a little more challenging for them..."

"Do what you want, sister," Mal said, the camera panning over to show him grinning darkly with his controller in hand. "I'm playing to _hurt_."

xxx

"I honestly still don't care about the money," Mal confessed. "I just wanna hurt the people Mike thinks are his 'friends'." He suddenly twitched violently, but it quickly passed. "Ignore that," he told the camera. "Mike's just trying to take control again. It's not gonna work."

xxx

A few quick drum taps opened up a deep and dangerous challenge theme, the scene returning to Eva and Duncan sprinting across the open field only to gape in shock as the pine trees in the background starting launching like rockets.

"What the heck?" Duncan said. " _Rocket_ trees?"

One landed right behind them, forcing both finalists to roll forward out of the way. "What else did you expect?" Eva asked as the two continued running, more and more trees landing behind them like massive spears.

The two were shown together in a brief close-up, raising their eyebrows in surprise. A quick-pan ahead revealed the landscape changing, trees and rock formations rising up out of the artificial ground to form a large, dense barrier.

xxx

Mal opened up his next confessional with a laugh. "I never thought I'd have so much _fun_ on this show!" he said with a dark grin.

xxx

"Oh, I hope that wasn't too much...," Sky said worriedly to the outhouse camera. "Mal's going overboard with the rocket trees, so maybe it was...," she added uncertainly. "Just because I'm _mad_ doesn't mean I don't wanna make this _fair_ ," she explained to the camera.

xxx

"Eat my dust!" Eva taunted, the dangerous music resuming in full as she jumped ahead of Duncan as they climbed over the first big rock formation.

"Eat _mine_!" Duncan shot back, vaulting downward and dashing forward along a lower 'path' among the rocks. Just as he was about to jump down onto grass, however, a boulder shot upward – and he landed on it groin-first. A close-up showed him letting out a high-pitched squeal of pain.

Eva's laughter drew the camera's attention back upward to show her leaping from a boulder and grabbing onto the branch of a tree, only for the tree to suddenly shoot back down into the ground – causing her to yell as it dragged her down and slammed her back-first onto a fallen log.

" _Hah_!" Duncan barked out a laugh as he jumped onto the same log, then upwards onto a rock formation before climbing onward and to the right and out of sight.

/

The scene cut back to the hinderers, both still working their controllers with Mal still looking considerably happier about it. "Hmm...I guess...just more of the same should be good enough," Sky said uncertainly.

"C'mon, stop being so _meek_!" Mal scolded. "Eva hurt you, so hurt her back! And lower some of those trees, they're giving them too much cover from this _storm_ I'm whipping up."

The camera panned onto the monitor to show Duncan and Eva struggling against a powerful wind as they walked through what looked like a dense forest as leaves, dust, branches, and various small woodland animals blew past them.

/

A focus on the monitor's screen transitioned the scene back to the challenge. "I think...I can see the finish line in the distance," Duncan said, pausing for a moment as he struggled against the intense gale.

"Good," Eva grunted. "Once this is over maybe I can finally explain myself to Sky..."

The pair briefly passed behind a thick and mossy pine tree, the camera zooming in slightly as they reappeared. "You're really deadset on making up with her, aren't you?"

"Wouldn't," Eva began, pausing to duck under a flying piece of bark, "wouldn't you do the same?"

"...I guess so," Duncan answered after a moment.

/

The shot cut back to the Peanut Gallery to show them watching with worry and anticipation. "C'mon, Duncan," Brick said softly, "you can do it...just hang in there."

A pan to the bottom row showed Katie and Sadie clutching one another. "I know you can win this, Eva," Sadie said, "you're like the strongest girl _ever_."

Then the camera cut back to the hinderers, Chris standing next to their monitor with his hands behind his back and a smile on his face. "Ooh! They're getting _close_!" he said excitedly, prompting Mal to scowl and Sky to frown uncomfortably.

/

Once more the scene moved back to the finalists, their arms raised to buffer themselves against the winds – snow beginning to fall and lightning beginning to crack in the background. "Four minutes left!" Chris called out over the island's loudspeaker. "Four minutes!"

"So, uh," Duncan said as the pair started walking into a snowdrift, "what _is_ the deal with you and Sky anyway?"

Eva sighed, and the camera zoomed in on her. "I don't know," she said, looking down. "I guess I fell for her pretty quickly after I realized how talented, honorable, and driven she was...and yeah, I did convince her to get rid of Dave in part because I had some _stupid_ hope that she'd like me back if he were gone. But even then I felt guilty cause I knew she didn't wanna get distracted by a relationship, and the better part of me wanted to support that. So I convinced myself that if I backed off and just let things play out, then maybe I could ask her out once the competition was over."

The shot cut back to the hinderers, focusing in on Sky as she watched and listened without paying any attention to her controller. "I pretty much gave up when I learned that she had a boyfriend," Eva continued on the screen, "but I guess once that got cleared up...I don't know, I thought things might really work out. Heck, I even thought she'd forgive me when I fessed up about why I helped her with Dave. Which in hindsight was pretty stupid, she's _way_ too good a person not to be mad at me for that."

The camera focused back on the challenge. "That answer your question?" Eva asked, looking up as the camera zoomed out and seeing that Duncan was now several yards ahead of her. "HEY!" she roared in anger, quickly trying to speed up against the still-powerful wind.

"Hah, sorry," Duncan laughed, looking back over his shoulder for only a brief second before he realized it was causing him to slide backwards through the snow. "I wanted to distract you so I could get ahead. But hey, I still hope things work out for you even when you lose."

"The only one who's gonna lose is _you_!" Eva shouted, speeding up again as the dense trees around her and Duncan began to recede into the ground – and the tense and dangerous challenge music resumed.

Another cut back to Sky showed her covering her eyes with her hand. "I can't believe I was so _stupid_ that I let my anger take me over," she groaned. "Why didn't I just let her explain?!"

"Because you rightfully realized that everyone is a liar who doesn't care about you nearly as much as you think they do?" Mal replied, his gaze still focused on the monitor and his thumbs still operating the controller.

"Oh, who asked you!" Sky shot at him angrily. "Yeah, Eva's not perfect, but that doesn't mean she's a bad person!"

Mal snorted. " _Deluded_..."

"Cause you know what, _I'm_ not perfect either!" Sky told him. "I make kneejerk reactions to things, I lose focus _way_ more easily than I like, and it took me until _today_ to realize that I liked Eva back!"

"You think _those_ are your _flaws_?" Chris asked incredulously, now leaning against the monitor. "Cause I think-"

"I don't care what _you_ think, _either_!" Sky yelled at him. "It's _your_ fault this is even happening in the first place! If you hadn't interfered and Eva did what she just _said_ she was gonna do, then I bet it would've all blown over! But you just had to make things more _dramatic_ by messing with us again!"

"Uh, yeah? So?" Chris asked.

"So I'm not gonna hinder _them_ anymore," Sky said defiantly, looking back at her controller. "I'm gonna hinder _Mal_!"

Mal's brow shot up in surprise, and the shot cut back to Duncan and Eva still struggling through the snowbank. To their shock the storm suddenly and abruptly let up and they began to sprint forward excitedly, only for lightning to strike the ground in front of them. Hail started to fall moments later, pelting both finalists and causing them to grunt and yelp in pain as they tried to move onward in another strong wind...that promptly stopped, causing them to lose balance and fall over.

The shot cut back to Mal furiously inputting commands into his controller, the camera panning over to show Sky doing the same. "Hah!" Mal laughed as the scene moved to the monitor to show the finalists struggling to run forward through a field of constantly-moving scenery only for sudden strong gusts of wind and poorly-placed objects to send them tumbling back to the left. "This is even better than before! Just face it, it's too late to help them!"

"No it isn't!" Sky said defiantly. "I still have one last card to play. Mike!" Mal's brow shot up in surprise again. "Do you really want it to go down like this? To let Mal _ruin_ this for everyone?"

Mal twitched, then barked out a laugh. "Hah! Like Mike's gonna regain control _that_ easily!"

"Oh yeah? Says who?" Sky countered. "Come on, Mike, I thought you wanted to watch the finale as yourself! You still have time to _do_ that!"

Mal twitched again, but scoffed. "Please, that's not gonna-" He promptly inhaled sharply, and Mike's features returned once more. "I...I did it?" he asked aloud, looking around with wide eyes. "I did it! I regained control! Thank you so much, Sky," he quickly told his former teammate.

"Don't worry about it, just help me undo the damage Mal did so Duncan and Eva can finish this fairly," Sky told him, and the two promptly started using their controllers again.

The shot cut back to the monitor to show Duncan and Eva still struggling against constantly-shifting weather and terrain, now including falling trees "It's not working!" Mike said in a panic.

"Huh," came the voice of Chris, drawing the attention of the helpers and camera. "If I had to guess you two overloaded the system with commands and it's still trying to work 'em all out. Sure was a lucky 'accident' you two happened to create despite Sky allegedly not wanting to win anymore."

"We didn't plan this and you know it," Sky told him angrily.

"Yeah!" Mike chimed in.

Chris shrugged. "Considering what's on the line, I'm having trouble believing you. But hey," he laughed, "even if you aren't lying, it's kinda ironic that despite not wanting to you might just win anyway."

/

The camera moved back in on the monitor, the challenge footage once more taking over the scene as the snowy ground below Duncan and Eva's feet began to crack. A hollow sound played, then all at once the ground shot up under them earning startled yells from both. The shot soon cut to the new peak they were standing on rising up into the sky, then stopping.

"Ahh, _crap_..." Duncan muttered, both finalists looking down with wide eyes. His final word echoed as the camera zoomed out, revealing the snowy mountain they were now at the top of.

The Peanut Gallery was shown gasping, as were Mike and Eva. "Twenty seconds left...!" Chris said as the camera moved on to him looking at his watch.

The shot cut back to Eva as her eyes narrowed intensely. "Alright, it's go time!" she yelled, immediately hopping off the right side of the plateau.

"Dude, are you _kidding_ me?!" Duncan said in shock as he watched her disappear from sight. He quickly shook his head, though, and furrowed his brow. "Oh no, I'm not fallin' behind now!" he declared, hopping off the side of the mountain as well.

The intense challenge music quickly ramped back up again as the two finalist were shown sliding down the side of the mountain feet-first. Eva was stopped by a small ledge, then grunted angrily and hopped off as she saw Duncan catching up to her. The camera lingered in place as they left the screen, catching the mountain begin to crumble behind them causing an avalanche of ice and stone to start flowing down the slope.

Duncan and Eva were shown glaring at each other as they half-ran, half-slid down the mountainside, only for a rumbling and crashing above them to draw their attention.

The music spiked, Duncan frantically threw himself forward, and they were engulfed.

"Oh no!" Mike exclaimed as the shot cut back to the sidelines.

"Eva!" Sky cried out in panic!

"Duncan!" Brick cried out similarly from the Peanut Gallery, forcefully bursting out of his ropes out of shock and concern.

"Six! Five!" Chris began to count off, the music cutting out save for a single plodding note to highlight each number. "Four!" The camera panned onto the television, showing both finalists tumbling through the snow and rock. "Three! Two! One!" The shot cut to the finish banner, then zoomed out to show the avalanche stopping just under it – with neither finalist in sight. "GAME OVER!" he announced, blowing on his airhorn as a subdued but triumphant riff played.

Mike and Sky stood in shock, and Brick skidded in next to them. "Duncan! Is he okay?" he asked in concern.

"What about Eva?" Sky asked worriedly.

"Ohmygosh, ohmygosh!" Mike fretted, practically chewing on his fingernails.

"Congratulations Mike and Sky," Chris said with his usual smile, ignoring their concerns as a victorious theme began to play. "Revenge, even when it's unwanted, is-" he glanced at the monitor- "ohhhhh, what have we here?" he said with a sudden look of shock, the music cutting out as he pointed at the television screen.

A sharp note played as a familiar hand stuck out of the snow lying just past the finish line, and started waving. Mike let out a sigh of relief, then Brick and Sky ran off to the right.

The scene cut to the finish line, the camera pulling back a little ways as Chef walked up with a stretcher, dressed as a male nurse. He grabbed the arm and pulled, freeing a shocked and snowy Duncan from the aftermath of the avalanche. "Whoa," he said, looking around as Chef dropped him on the stretcher, "what happened? Did I win?" he asked as the victorious music began to play again with much more enthusiasm.

"Yup," Chef answered with a nod and a small smile, the camera pulling out even more to show Duncan looking back at the finish banner.

"I did it!" Duncan said excitedly. "Ahh-haha, yeah-heah!" he raised his arms and cheered, the shot cutting away to show Mike and all of the Peanut Gallery save Max and Heather cheering, with Owen the loudest by far.

The focus returned to show Brick arriving on the scene, shoving past Chef and picking Duncan up in a joyous hug. "You-you did it! You really did it! You _won_!"

"Heck yeah I did!" Duncan replied before grabbing his head and kissing him full on the lips. "Best freakin' day of my life, man, and it's only gonna get better," he said with a smirk as he broke the kiss, leaving Brick looking dopey.

The camera panned to the side to show Sky frantically digging Eva out of the rest of the snow. "Eva! Eva, hang in there!" she said worriedly, lifting her crush up by a single arm and draping in over her own shoulders.

"S-sky?" Eva said weakly, the shot cutting in closer. "I'm...I'm sorry...about everything..."

"It's okay, Eva, I forgive you," Sky replied, carrying her partner to the right. "Don't worry about losing, or what you did, or any of that. All I care about is making sure you're safe and sound." The camera pulled back to show her reaching the stretcher where Chef, Brick, and Duncan were standing, the boys all helping pull Eva up.

"R-really?" Eva asked, her voice still weak but now filled with hope.

"Yeah, really," Sky answered with a blush and a smile. "We can talk more later, but for now..." She started patting down her pockets, but quickly frowned in worry. "Ohhh, I can't do this _properly_...," she moaned. "Well, I'll just have to make do," she decided before leaning forward and giving Eva a quick kiss on the lips.

The music cut out as they broke, Sky blushing and Eva grinning with a weak sort of dopiness before mumbling something incoherent and flopping down onto the stretcher to the shock of those around her.

/

The capstone theme began to play as the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the open sky, the double-rotored helicopter soon flying up into view. "That's it for this very, _very_ off season," Chris began, standing in the open doorway with Eva and Sky sitting on the edge letting their legs dangle freely and holding hands; Brick and Duncan with an arm around each other and grinning widely, the suitcase full of money in the punk's hand; and the rest of the cast, crouching down and peering over in the gaps between and behind the rest, constantly jockeying for position as they tried to get one last shot of themselves on camera.

" _This_ is Chris McLean, saying if you can't stand the pain-" the handsome host continued, the shot cutting in closer- "stay _off_ the Total! Drama! Paaaahkitew Island!"

"RE- _VENGE_!" Max suddenly yelled from behind the host, shoving him out of the helicopter.

The camera lingered on the dumbfounded looks of the other ex-campers, all of them staring at Max in shock. "I _told_ him I would have it," he said, crossing his arms and closing his eyes defiantly.

The ex-campers burst out laughing, and a fun and energetic tune started to play. The camera panned over to the windshield to show Chef laughing along with the rest of the cast from the pilot's seat, and the helicopter flew away...

/

The music soon faded away, though, and the scene quick-panned down to show a screaming Chris landing in the giant mud puddle. He quickly surfaced with a shocked splutter, and pulled himself out onto dry land. "Wha...what the heck?!" he said in shock, rapidly becoming angry. "That little brat is in _so_ much trouble when I get back to the mainland. They all are! I'll teach _them_ to mess with Chris McLean!"

A few ominous notes were struck, and a ferocious growl caught Chris' attention. He looked up, and the camera zoomed out to show Scuba Bear 3.0 standing over him, eyes red. "Heheh," Chris laughed nervously, "c'mon, you're not gonna hurt me are you? I'm your _master_ , remember!"

The scene abruptly cut outward to the full long-distance shot of the island, the ominous music ending as Chris' scream and Scuba Bear's snarl echoed across the lake.

(Fade to Credits)

/

/

/

[WE'RE ALMOST THERE, ONE PATH TO GO!]

[ON TOWARDS THE ENDING OF THIS SHOW...]

/

/

/

Duncan and Eva were shown glaring at each other as they half-ran, half-slid down the mountainside, only for a rumbling and crashing above them to draw their attention.

The music spiked, Eva desperately launched herself forward in a somersault, and they were engulfed.

"Oh no!" Mike exclaimed as the shot cut back to the sidelines.

"Eva!" Sky cried out in panic!

"Duncan!" Brick cried out similarly from the Peanut Gallery, forcefully bursting out of his ropes out of shock and concern.

"Six! Five!" Chris began to count off, the music cutting out save for a single plodding note to highlight each number. "Four!" The camera panned onto the television, showing both finalists tumbling through the snow and rock. "Three! Two! One!" The shot cut to the finish banner, then zoomed out to show the avalanche stopping just under it – with neither finalist in sight. "GAME OVER!" he announced, blowing on his airhorn as a subdued but triumphant riff played.

Mike and Sky stood in shock, and Brick skidded in next to them. "Duncan! Is he okay?" he asked in concern.

"What about Eva?" Sky asked worriedly.

"Ohmygosh, ohmygosh!" Mike fretted, practically chewing on his fignernails.

"Congratulations Mike and Sky," Chris said with his usual smile, ignoring their concerns as a victorious theme began to play. "Revenge, even when it's unwanted, is-" he glanced at the monitor- "ohhhhh, what have we here?" he said with a sudden look of shock, the music cutting out as he pointed at the television screen.

A sharp note played as a familiar hand stuck out of the snow lying just past the finish line, and started waving. Mike let out a sigh of relief, then Brick and Sky ran off to the right.

The scene cut to the finish line, the camera pulling back a little ways as Chef walked up with a stretcher, dressed as a male nurse. He grabbed the arm and pulled, freeing a shocked and snowy Eva from the aftermath of the avalanche. "What the...," she muttered, looking around as Chef dropped her on the stretcher. "Wait, _seriously_? I _won_?" she asked as the victorious music began to play again with much more enthusiasm.

"Uhh-huh," Chef answered with a nod and a small smile, the camera pulling out even more to show Eva looking back at the finish banner.

A close-up showed her gaping in shock, and a smile quickly replacing it. "I _won_. I _won_! I _WON_!" she repeated over and over, growing more excited each time. " _YEAH_!" she raised her arms and roared in triumph, the shot cutting away to show Mike and all of the Peanut Gallery save Max and Heather cheering, with Sadie and Katie the loudest by far.

"Woo-hoo!" came the cheering voice of Sky, the focus returning to the finish line as she ran up to Eva and Chef. "Eva, congratulations! I'm so happy you won!"

"Really?" Eva asked in hopeful disbelief. "You're not mad anymore?"

"I...I guess I'm not," Sky asked with a moment's hesitance, sheepishly pushing her fingers together. "I heard what you said during the challenge about your explanation, and...I'm sorry for not giving you a chance earlier. I guess my temper got the better of me..."

Eva gave her a soft smile. "Nah, I understand. I've gotten that way enough times myself to forgive it when other people do the same thing for good reason." The two looked at each other and blushed, then Eva bashfully rubbed the back of her neck. "So, um-"

"Wait, hold on," Sky interrupted. "I wanna do this right. Chef," she turned and asked the curious man, "do you have a piece of paper and something to write with?"

"What, like right now?" Chef asked in confusion, already beginning to pat himself down.

"Please, it's important," Sky clasped her hands and pleaded.

"Fine, fine," Chef said in annoyance, pulling out what looked like a handkerchief and a pencil. "This is all I got," he said, offering the items to Sky.

"They'll do," she replied, swiping them from him.

The camera promptly panned to the left to show Brick frantically pulling a dazed and half-conscious Duncan from the rest of the avalanche, and picking him up onto his back. "It's okay, baby, I'm here for you," he said with desperation in his voice.

"Dude," Duncan said weakly, "don't call me that. It's too girlie."

"Sorry," Brick said with a weak smile as he carried his crush over to the stretcher and set him down next to Eva. "I'll come up with a better pet name for ya, I promise."

"Good," Duncan said, lying down but thrusting a finger toward Brick. "If this is gonna work out, we _both_ gotta be comfortable."

"I hear you, loud and clear," Brick said, giving Duncan a quick salute that he weakly returned. "Sorry about the loss, by the way. I wish I coulda helped you out more..."

"Don't worry about it, it's not your fault you got sidelined," Duncan told him. "Besides," he sat up slightly and smirked, "I didn't lose completely..." He pulled in Brick, and the music stopped completely as they kissed.

Moments later it broke, and the camera cut in closer to show Brick looking dopey.

Then Sky cleared her throat, and the camera panned over to show her holding the folded-up handkerchief. "Excuse me, sorry," she said. "And congratulations, by the way. But can I ask you for a quick favor?" she asked Duncan.

"Uhh...I guess so?" Duncan answered hesitantly.

"Thanks," Sky said. "Just hand that to Eva, please," she instructed handing him the note.

Duncan stared at her in confusion, then locked eyes with Eva who was sitting right next to him. "Sure, why not," he shrugged moving to hand the note to her.

"Grab it, Chef!" Sky suddenly ordered, with enough force to startle Chef into complying.

"Girl, what are you even doin'," the hulking man wondered aloud as he looked at the folded-up note.

"The right thing in the right way," Sky answered, clenching her fists and smiling expectantly. "Now read it out loud!'

Chef stared at her, then looked up and shook his head. He unfolded the note, cleared his throat, and began to read. "Dear Eva," he began, and the shot cut to Sky and Eva looking at each other, the former smiling and the latter confused. "I like you." Eva's brow shot up. "Will you go out with me? Love, Sky." Chef folded the note back up with another shake of his head, then looked at the girls.

Sky clasped her hands and smiled expectantly, a blush forming on her cheeks. The shot cut to Eva, now blushing as well, and she rubbed the back of her head. "You...you _like_ me?" she asked. "Even after everything I've done?"

"Eva, I like you _because_ of what you've done, not in spite of it," Sky answered with a soft smile. "Yeah, you were kinda selfish early on, but looking back now it's pretty obvious that you've cared about me a _lot_ for awhile and I do think we've made a great connection this season. So...what's your answer?" she asked with a blush.

"Uh...yeah, of course I'll go out with you," Eva said with a growing smile, and Sky promptly darted forward to kiss her full-on on the lips, a touching tune playing as Eva seemed to melt into it.

The shot cut to Brick and Duncan, who shrugged and kissed again as well.

/

The capstone theme began to play as the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the open sky, the double-rotored helicopter soon flying up into view. "That's it for this very, _very_ off season," Chris began, standing in the open doorway with Brick and Duncan sitting on the edge letting their legs dangle freely and holding hands; Sky standing in Eva's arms, both girls holding onto the suitcase full of prize money; and the rest of the cast, crouching down and peering over in the gaps between and behind the rest, constantly jockeying for position as they tried to get one last shot of themselves on camera.

" _This_ is Chris McLean, saying if you can't stand the pain-" the handsome host continued, the shot cutting in closer- "stay _off_ the Total! Drama! Paaaahkitew Island!"

"RE- _VENGE_!" Max suddenly yelled from behind the host, shoving him out of the helicopter.

The camera lingered on the dumbfounded looks of the other ex-campers, all of them staring at Max in shock. "I _told_ him I would have it," he said, crossing his arms and closing his eyes defiantly.

The ex-campers burst out laughing, and a fun and energetic tune started to play. The camera panned over to the windshield to show Chef laughing along with the rest of the cast from the pilot's seat, and the helicopter flew away...

/

The music soon faded away, though, and the scene quick-panned down to show a screaming Chris landing in the giant mud puddle. He quickly surfaced with a shocked splutter, and pulled himself out onto dry land. "Wha...what the heck?!" he said in shock, rapidly becoming angry. "That little brat is in _so_ much trouble when I get back to the mainland. They all are! I'll teach _them_ to mess with Chris McLean!"

A few ominous notes were struck, and a ferocious growl caught Chris' attention. He looked up, and the camera zoomed out to show Scuba Bear 3.0 standing over him, eyes red. "Heheh," Chris laughed nervously, "c'mon, you're not gonna hurt me are you? I'm your _master_ , remember!"

The scene abruptly cut outward to the full long-distance shot of the island, the ominous music ending as Chris' scream and Scuba Bear's snarl echoed across the lake.

(Fade to Credits)

* * *

 **Author's Note - Post Script**

Wow. Here we are. I've got a bunch of stuff I wanna try to talk about right now...I think I'll start with the finale, then move on to some stuff about the season, then the series in general, and lastly some words about my future.

So. As I'm sure most of you have realized by now, I'm considering Eva to be the canon winner of Total Shuffled Pahkitew Island. Why? Well, partly because I really really like Eva, but also partly because she's now the third girl to officially win in this series, giving us an even split between girls and boys in that regard. Normally I don't really pay attention to that kind of thing...but, well, this time I did. But Eva's just an awesome character, and I'm so happy I was able to develop her into what I feel was a complex and ultimately heroic person.

Of course...since this is the end of the series, I won't deny people who want to consider either of the other two endings 'canon'. Speaking of, I hope you all enjoyed the bonus ending! Since this is the last finale I wanted to do something special, and having more than two endings is a twist I've wanted to try out for some time now. And considering how several characters have been developing - Chris getting eviller, Chef growing more caring, and Sky being pretty damn Lawful Good in DnD terms - combined with the nature of the second part of the challenge I felt time was ripe for a proper mutiny and plot-derailing. And thus, Chris got completely humiliated, Chef (a complex character and not entirely deserving of it) got beaten as well, and thanks to some on-the-fly rules maneuvering the kids are probably gonna get off at least partially scot-free. It's deliberately more uncertain than the other endings, especially considering the two ships, but it's still just as valid an ending as the other two.

I hope you all enjoyed that surprise, and I'm also looking forward to seeing all your reactions to the second big surprise - that of Mal being used as a helper in place of Brick. Sometimes the obvious choice is the one to make, and sometimes it's one to subvert, and in this instance it was definitely the latter. For while Brick being Duncan's helper could certainly make things interesting, I feel like it would have ended up being far too similar to Eva and Sky's dynamic, and perhaps more importantly it would make creating drama via Chris far more difficult for me. After all, I hadn't exactly set up Duncan for any sort of perceived betrayal of his love interest; it was hard enough as it is to do that with Eva.

Thus, I decided to bring back a career drama-maker in Mal to act as Duncan's helper, both to squeeze a little bit more use/development from him and Mike, and also to make an interesting dynamic with Duncan. And, as you can see, I still managed to use it to finish the development of Duncan and Brick's relationship. I hope you all enjoyed that.

Oh! Almost forgot about the other surprise, that of the Peanut Gallery. Well, since it was such a requested addition, and it would make things easier for me...I figured, why not? It was admittedly a tad difficult to keep making use of them, but in the end I think it all worked out pretty well.

So, expanding the scope a bit, let's talk about why I wanted an Eva-Duncan finale in the first place. Basically, for most of the series and a good chunk of the season I was expecting it to probably be a Sky-Brick finale instead...but then, once I'd realized that I wanted to give this season the theme of 'Identity', I realized that Eva would probably make a better finalist choice that Sky since her arc would fit the theme better. The whole 'I'm a hypocrite!' thing with her just seemed like an obvious way to generate necessary finale drama, while also allowing her to come to terms with herself at the very end. Admittedly that wasn't something I ended up making incredibly explicit...but, well, I think Eva's ending at least is a very good one for her.

And as for Duncan's roll in this...well, I needed a mischief-maker and Sky obviously wasn't gonna work. And, looking back, how exactly would I have driven a rift between Brick and Duncan is Brick was gonna be the finalist? He was the more open about his feelings, after all. But anyway, making Duncan a finalist opened up the possibility of Mal being the helper, which in turn allowed me to keep the drama going longer.

Let's see...I've talked about the finalists, and I don't feel I need to say much more about the seasonal theme of 'Identity'...so I guess the pairings are next. To be honest, going into the season I was WAY more enthusiastic about Eva/Sky as a couple, in part because I'm a lesbian myself and I'm generally more drawn to relationships between two girls. Brick/Duncan was chosen basically because I wanted to finally have two guys hook up on the show but didn't like any of the other options, as I've said before. And even now at the end I'm still not entirely 100% certain that this is something I'd really get enthusiastic about...but it was a neat experiment, and it turned out way better than I expected. Seriously, even after being around all you dear readers for so long I was expecting more hate abut the Brick/Duncan thing, at least from Guest reviewers. But happily it looks like I was wrong about that, and Brick/Duncan became a pairing that people were pretty happy about! It was quite nice to watch it happen.

Hmm...what other seasonal things can I talk about...oh! Right! Yeah, so, Chris. For I think a long time I've basically considered Chris as being the ultimate villain of the series, as he's the one that causes the cast so much pain - especially later on in the show, as characterized by this season's finale. As such, since this is the end of the series, it was only proper that it's final villain be taken down. Thus the bonus ending where the cast effectively revolts and takes away his power, and then his final fate in the other two endings where Max pushes him out of the helicopter, stranding him on the island and immediately put into danger. Though, of course, since I'll likely need him if I want to continue the Shuffled series, he should be considered to be alive. Probably in the hospital, but alive.

And as for Chef...well, he's definitely one of the most interesting characters in the series, but oddly I feel like the less said about him the better - mystery and unanswered questions work well for him, though admittedly I have already explicitly told some reviewers that he has feelings for Chris (in case it wasn't obvious after last week's episode).

And thus we come to my final thoughts about the Shuffled series as a whole. To be honest, when I first conceived of and eventually started it, I never once considered that it would become so popular. Like, it blows my mind how many people follow and regularly review this story of mine, and tell me it's the best TD series they've ever read! Like, I mean come on, it's not even that different from canon. It draws so much of its humor and even more of its structure from the canon series; I don't think I would have ever been able to come up with this on my own. As much as you praise my work in this...don't forget that the TD writers are the ones that made this all possible, simply by creating the wonderful but flawed series that has brought us all together as a fandom.

But still..working on this has taught me so much about writing, about crafting plots and developing characters, even if I doubt I'll ever be able to put those lessons into words. I'm not a writer by education, my degrees are in Environmental Science, so I don't feel like I have as much a right to be so apparently good at this compared to others who have gone through the effort of learning...but I guess that doesn't matter in the end. Creativity cares not about what education you've pursued, only whether or not you're willing to create. or something cheesy like that, I don't know.

I'm getting closer and closer to the end of this, and I honestly cannot say what I'm feeling. A part of me wants to feel sad, to cry, to do all sorts of things...but instead, I feel...dull? Numb? Something like that. I'd say it was like a poetic representation of how I haven't come to terms with such a big part of my life for the past two-and-a-half years being over, but to be frank I'm pretty sure I've been suffering from depression for some time now, so it's probably just that.

Anyway, I wanna give a gigantic thank you to all of you reviewers; while those of you who have been here longer are perhaps more dear to my heart, all of you - no matter how often you review; when or whether you've came or left - are incredibly important to me. I honestly do not think I would have been able to get through all of this without the constant and sometimes overwhelming flow of feedback, critique, and praise. I know my series isn't perfect, but you've seen me through so many ups and downs, and I sincerely thank you for your time.

Regarding my future writing plans, I will of course continue (or rather resume, considering the effort I had to put into writing this finale) work on my other story, Total Drama Rebirth. **However, I do not intend on beginning work on any other fanfiction at this time, so please do not ask me about it as it will only annoy me.** The reason for this, as I've said before, is so that I have time to find, and work, a job. I'm in serious need of employment, and to move out of my childhood home, and to do that I can't really be tied down writing fanfic for most of the week. I do intend on writing more eventually, especially in the Shuffledverse, just...not any time soon. I'd rather any new stories come as pleasant surprises, not as something you're expecting to see on any given day.

For those of you who will feel lost without something to read every week...well, all I can recommend is that you look among my regular reviewers; many of them are fantastic authors with great stories that are worth checking out (even if they don't update as frequently as I did).

But enough delaying. It's time for the Total Shuffled series to end. It's been a wonderful, wonderful ride with you all, and I am honored to have been the one to have guided you all through it.

May your heads be filled with ideas; may you discover who you are within the realm of boundless possibilities; and may you all enjoy what life has to offer.

Goodbye.

\- Molly, a trans lesbian, better known as Fangren.

* * *

 **Appendix: TSPI Eliminated Contestants**

Max - (14th Place)

Katie - (13th Place)

Anne Maria - (12th Place)

Sadie - (11th Place)

Dave - (10th Place)

Rodney - (9th Place)

Owen - (8th Place)

Leshawna - (7th Place)

Mike - (6th Place)

Brick - (Tied for 4th Place)

Sky - (Tied for 4th Place)

Heather - (3rd Place)

Duncan - (RUNNER-UP | Alternate Winner)

Eva - (WINNER | Alternate Runner-Up)


End file.
